Tag: Love

Gospel 277 ~Love, Madness, Lies Braxton~

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Last week I mentioned the caveman commercial, and this week it was the old “Obsession” Ad. Anything I focus on, you could say I became obsessed with. I was with Braxton, and then I grew aphetic and what happened next. “Love, Madness, Lies Braxton.”

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Gospel 277 ~Love, Madness, Lies Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I got “a king-size tub big enough for ten plus me,” like the song goes.

Ok, even if you or I had that much room, that’s the one place B III wouldn’t go. Not unless he was getting a bath (I paid groomers) or he was sick. So before you forget, are you even going to shower today and not in a procrastination sort of way? But who’s waiting now? Speaking of forgetfulness, you do know that today is Easter Sunday. Not that it matters to you not being a man of faith and all. Your last REAL prayers were for what? You could wax all poetic like the Christians, QAnon folk, the Republican party. A list of “um, well.” The only thing you have in common with them is a collection of excuses for losing. Yeah, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Innocents by Cathy Coote
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 100) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Completed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Obsession, isn’t it? Well, it depends on what you choose to follow. For you, it’s Braxton, which is apparently unacceptable. You’re Chuckie, and Braxton was Melville… “I Remember Melville.” People follow the “living dead” all the time, especially today, right? It’s something you miss about Braxton. As there is no one, not family, not Indiana Gone, M Anime, or Grandma, that is here for you, every day. Now your actual Grandma said you were one for Pride. I mean, who the hell are you? To Braxton, you were the world. Now isn’t that a sobering thought to go from being a god to nothing at all? Yet you were the one who worshipped him, always trying to be better for him with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 12 by Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 100 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Getting In Touch With Someone About A B III Tattoo
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Opioids aren’t raining from the sky for this type of pain you’re going through. When I was a boy, I would look for stuff to take the edge off. No, I never did hard drugs but more excuses, distractions, anything to waste time. I swore that was Pokemon, Anime, Hentai. Only yesterday, while I was reading more Eric Vall, I got into more “forbidden texts.” Oh, what, reading about Succubi, Lilith, and the Circles of Hell aren’t enough? As you can see on Six Impossible Things, why haven’t you finished B’s collection yet? Too Much! Obsession kills, and yet you keep coming back. Without Braxton or your very own Taylor Townsend “The OC,” you’re alone.

Could say paranoid but “Find Me.” Love, Madness, Lies Braxton.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Still Salty About B III “A Dream”

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Talk about pouring salt on a wound. And as the song goes, “These wounds won’t seem to heal. This pain is just too real.” To be honest, I’ll take a dream about Braxton than being trapped in boxes at the Day Job. Still Salty About B III “A Dream.”

I’m reminded of the night my Olds cut me off. Most of the police were gone. Thank you ever so much, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For once again, proving no one gives a shit if I live or die. Only, that was so many years ago, and my dream brought that back some. Except in my dream, it was daylight. I had my current car, which is far from a Mercedes. I wasn’t at my former “home.” I was sitting in the parking lot of PetSmart, where there’s a Banfield Pet Hospital. Braxton died there.

I’m not blaming them or anything. This is my fault but anyway, so my dream…

I’m sitting in the car, but I’m not alone. B III is riding shotgun, and he’s not sick. He’s happy and giddy, but he wants outside. He smiles, and I pat his head. Usually, he’s frightened of car rides, and of course, he’s still standing, but there’s no fear in him, only an eagerness. My “Dear Future Wife” is sitting in the backseat. At this point, I’ve narrowed it down to three girls. Her face is that of Anna Vlasova, “Alissa” MarvelCharm. Her body is more Alycia Debnam-Carey, yep. Then we get breasts, and there are two words Sabrina Nichole. Then there was my “father” sitting beside her. How does one tell a nightmare from a dream? He was a big red flag, not literally. With him being there, I should have gone ahead and woke up, but I didn’t.

The vision played on until my alarm woke me up, and I didn’t scream or even grumble. It didn’t slip away these images. Like my memory of being cut off, it only sat there waiting, which brings me here today. Fifty-Eight days since Braxton’s passing, and I know, I do. I should get on with the dream. I should get past this feeling… As the song goes, “Let It Go.” Only there were no Disney characters to be had. I’ve been through Legion to John Wick, but only one film truly stands, and it’s this.

The Count of Monte Cristo (2002). In my dream, I was Edmond Dantes, but I was still me, hoody and all. My wife again was the three girls I described. My father in this, what I remember is black. He could be a zombie for all I care but was he the villain or all.

The door on the passenger side opens. Braxton never goes out that way as he crawled over my lap in real life. He’s tugging on his leash, eager to get to the store. More importantly, to get to the hospital in back. It was rare for us to simply walk the store as he usually has an appointment at the groomers or the vet. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind where he wanted to go. I’ve laughed a lot, telling him, “are you going to walk in like a man?” In the dream, I got scared holding his leash.

Braxton pulled and tugged. Whether he wanted me to follow or let go, I wasn’t sure at the moment. I held on tighter as Braxton barked towards PetSmart as if he were asking for help. It was the complete opposite, the day he passed away. Hell, I carried Braxton there. Wifey said something like I needed to let him go, and I shouted at her, “He’s all I have!” My Braxton was, no, is my world, and no matter what she said or did, I couldn’t give up. As I said, she was a combination of three of the most beautiful women, but B III. Wifey opens the door and begins pulling out piles of money from the trunk. There are clothes and gold, diamonds. My eyes were fixed on Braxton, but I knew all the stuff was back there being taken from me, and it didn’t matter. Braxton’s struggling

My “father” says the same thing, to let Braxton go, and I scream at him, “Don’t rob me of my hate; it’s all I have!” Now, wait a minute, I thought that was B III? At this point, I could no longer see him beyond the car door. I felt him continue to try and drag me, but I wanted him back in the car. We would be safe together. My “father” left the car, and like my wife, he began pulling things out. Only in his arms were guns and knives. I thought of my mother taking my first pocket knife. It was a Spiderman back when he was with Venom. It was black and white with the Spiderman emblem. The blade was black with white webbing. It was my favorite, but it’s gone.

So there’s my wife grabbing green and my father taking guns. A wicked world, cruel…

Before Braxton, Wifey, and my “father” left, I heard the three of them like one voice. “Let It Go,” but did I let go, or was there nothing left of me. I won’t give up ever. B gave me one of those looks when he’s like, “Really, Dad, Seriously, Daddy.”

All three doors slammed together, and I was left alone in the car. All that remained was Braxton’s black leash and hippy collar. With the blue towel, I had placed beneath him. The day this really happened, I burst into tears and couldn’t go home. I went to Walmart of all places and picked out a black digital frame. I also picked up BBQ because my mom called, saying I had to eat. You don’t want to know what I wanted to do, but I didn’t because Braxton was watching. There had been a storm minutes before but now sunlight.

In the dream, though, I continued to sit there. It was like the movie 1408, but it was only my car instead of a hotel room. John Cusack, aka Mike Enslin, had to listen to “We’ve Only Just Begun” as the room tortured him. As I sat in my car, it began to fill up with salt. I wasn’t afraid. As a matter of fact, I wanted to dive in, no question. The car was becoming an hourglass. Yes, I know those have sand, but Braxton never went to a beach. I wasn’t cold, and I don’t do drugs. Well, I never did cocaine anyway. As I was buried alive…

The Devil by PJ Harvey
Everyone Says Hi (Defiance Version) by Young Beautiful in a Hurry feat Fyfe Monroe
He’s My Son by Mark Schultz

I listened, and not once did I want to escape; I only sat there waiting for the inevitable. The nightmare didn’t end. I saw flashes. Pornos I have, an air pistol with its orange tip, other real weapons, cash. In all of that, though, I never saw Braxton again, only his collar and the endless white. I don’t know if I lived or died, but the alarm went off, and that was that. It’s been a typical day so far. I can’t say “Another Day” anymore. I did clean out Braxton’s old dog dish. It’s been about two months, and something furry was growing. I wanted to keep the can of special food, another mess.

What does it all mean? I’ll break down four elements of the dream; Three, Wifey, Father, and all the Salt.

The Number Three: His name is Braxton Barks Bradford. There were three people in the car or three lives other than my own. Braxton started getting sick on Wednesday, which is actually the fourth day of the week. However, he died on a Sunday, meaning the next Wednesday would be the third day of his death. With my “OCD,” I test things by three’s. I have three women in my life, my mom, Indiana Gone, and M Anime. It’s like that book “The Five,” the main character, “Rainey Summer Day.”

Wifey: Speaking of Rainey Summer Day and how, when Braxton died, there was a storm, and then the sun was out. I suppose she represented love and lust. I haven’t been open to anything since losing Braxton. I’m a man, I have desires, I’m horny, but there is no will both figuratively and literally. Everything I do in life is about sex, and at the same time, I want love. I want a family. Only no one understands the love I have for my son, and losing him, costs everything.

Father: He, of course, represents my hate. If it’s not sex, then let it be violence. Since Braxton’s been gone, I’ve been in a rage, but I’m always fighting it. Anger is the second stage of grief which is another step towards Acceptance. I refuse to accept that. My son is dead, and yet I can’t stop. His water bowl is filled every day. Losing all of my weapons, the ability to wage war. On the one hand, it helps maintain my Denial, but if I can’t love or hate?

Salt: Braxton is my balance, my constant, my peace. It’s why he sat at my right hand. Why did B want me to let him go? The day he left, all he wanted was to go home, but I chose this path. Salty tears, hmm? Everyone Says Hi goes, “said you sailed a big ship, said you sailed away,” ocean? It could mean diet, which has been lacking. It could have something to do with sex since I won’t allow any pleasure. Or looking back, becoming a pillar of salt.

A dream, a nightmare, nothing at all, I don’t know. Only that’s how I feel. Salt preserves. My nothingness preserved.

Gospel 272 ~Braxton In The Mercedes~

WillLeave a comment

Maybe I’m dehydrated. Braxton got like that once, a little dog like that walking in the southern heat? My diet could use a change; I’m living off Walmart wings and Subway. Grateful I have a car, but nobody is riding shotgun. “Braxton In The Mercedes”

Tuesday, March 30, 2021

Gospel 272 ~Braxton In The Mercedes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as the song goes, Money “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Of course, the jury’s still out.

The businesses I’m in… Hell, I know more than most. Did I ever tell you that when I was young, I wanted to be a veterinarian? How about the fact that Braxton was a gift and not to me but my sister? He wasn’t even the first dog I ever watched die; a puppy’s blood. People can be so STUPID, My Love. Myself included, or so I’ve been thinking since… well, you know when. I took Braxton’s love for granted, and now yours, the children’s, I keep none for myself. It all comes back to me, or as I keep saying, “A Man Provides.” There’s plenty of men that do that, and how little do they know about love. My father, I hate the bastard.

Still, he’s the one that bought Braxton. As Shakespeare wrote, “My only love sprung from my only hate!” My father, um accused me of murder. As I stood in the parking lot that day delivering the news that my little B III had passed. But it wasn’t the accusation, though. What do I mean by accusation? It is what it is. B is gone because of me. You say that’s me hating myself, and I think, that’s the whole point, well two? Understand the first is easiest to bear as I watch you and the children, our family, what remains of us, All Of Me. Always and forever, “even if I come back, even if I die,” you’ll want for nothing. But there’s my love.

You want that back, Baby Girl. I love you and our family, but do you know how many times my father said that to me. How many times did I say it to Braxton daily?

This brings me to my dream last night. I dreamt I was Edmond Dantes, and you were my Mercedes. You asked me did I suffer, and no, I was not in the Chateau d’If. It was with Braxton’s death. I begged you, pleaded with you not to rob me of my hate as Edmond had. I watched you, my father, take my weapons. It wasn’t any love but an arsenal leaving me with nothing; my second point. My father taught me I deserved neither love nor hate because I’m nothing.

Before you, I had always been a fool. I became a best friend, a father. Now I may lose it all. I have lost it all, but no, you’re still here, but I see the man in the mirror these days. I want to take him away from you. Braxton wouldn’t have that, but no love, no hate. What’s left? In my dream, it was my old car. Braxton didn’t die in a car, but I was buried alive in salt inside after losing everything.

It was only a dream because you’re here, but I’m not… Braxton In The Mercedes

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 271 ~Know Your Sins Before Others~

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I’m an open book but there are some I don’t share. Now aren’t I always saying that Braxton’s death is the hardest thing to know. The final bill still sits, I tell everybody. When’s the last time I haven’t mentioned him. “Know Your Sins Before Others”

Monday, March 29, 2021

Gospel 271 ~Know Your Sins Before Others~

Hundred And Eighty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and Braxton never knew. Oh, come on now, he had more faith.

Now before I wax on all “poetic” about B’s eyes… Aww, screw it. B III looked at me as though I alone had the power to save him. He believed, with all his might, that I would take him home that day. I am his Dad, and I couldn’t be anything else. What I became? I’m sure Amazon is wondering the same thing. Yeah, I’m still burning money like it’s going out of style. As a matter of fact, I’m gazing at some “style” right now if Amazon Prime is true to their word. Let’s just say it’s concerning “Lollipop Chainsaw” fashion sense, Madam Justice. Speaking of cash and my absurdities with it, my GREED. To think I “give-up” one sin for that of GREED.

I’m sure two redheads are laughing their way to the bank. One of them was something over a year ago. Petting Braxton, him sitting here while I read, kept me from more sinful pursuits. I wanted to be a good example but ask Indiana Gone something about that ha. I’m still reading. “Anything good?” you ask? Depends on your definition of good. Of all the things I would tell B III about, recounting my latest… Yeah, with my “retail therapy.” Is that what it’s called? Well, at least I did cancel that Patreon, and it’s not like this is new. Several subscriptions still await. Isn’t it funny that the WWE isn’t one that had me the slightest bit conflicted? “Born in LUST turn to dust.”

No, I’m not reading Stephen King. It’s not like what I am reading is putting me to sleep either. I’m tired, Madam Justice. Last week… if I survived since I am talking to you March 26. Now I’ve mentioned how much I despise the Day Job; being so rageful also depressed. Although Braxton is the cause of one of those. Not that I’m blaming him. Because around this time, January 29, I was witnessing my ultimate failure as his father. Yep, I called the Veterinarian. Last night, I was so out of it with exhaustion, but my Mom called; wakefulness. It’s the one thing that gets me moving, and out of my SLOTH, another’s pain.

Braxton’s death… I knew before the doctor’s words, “He’s Gone.” Know Your Sins Before Others

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 270 ~I Growl B Cause~

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I remember those old commercials of “so easy a caveman can do it.” The first word ever spoken was probably not caveman to caveman. I can imagine it was one telling his wolf to get off the rock. I growl at people; I talked to Braxton. I Growl B Cause.

Sunday, March 28, 2021

Gospel 270 ~I Growl B Cause~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means Braxton would be as well. I’m not mad, though, at least not like you now.

It’s one of the reasons we’re talking today and not Sunday. With everything happening right, you might break your keyboard. As I believe I broke the car stereo. Yes, another distraction from the empty passenger seat. In truth, it’s not like B was there that often. Still, I could commiserate with him as we both had enemies outside the car. Braxton’s would be the vet. Again and I can’t stress this enough, I’m not mad at the vets. At least I was paying for Braxton to always get better, and then… Anyway, paying those Serra fucks. Pardon my language or yours, I’m getting angry on a Tuesday, and I don’t want to imagine your rage. The worse days of the week are Wednesdays and Sundays.

Any day I brought fries back was a good day for B III. He didn’t growl because he was hungry. No, he would do it because he was greedy and his Daddy is weak. Are you as I am because I went to Mickey D’s. Just like I won’t say “Another Day,” “Life Goes On?” I’m pissed at myself, sure for my crime. The Day Job, though, and I know you’re getting it. You’re still in DENIAL with Braxton. People at the Day Job… why are you still working there. Of course, I know, which makes me hate myself even more with these past days. You know something, maybe you should make “that the prize.” If you were able to accomplish the Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 11” Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 093) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Still, I am no oracle from ancient Greece. I said before I’m not Hercules. And looking in the mirror, I’ll say, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. But he talks like a gentleman.” Or I wish I had, and you are hmm, with M Anime. B growled at girls, but they loved him so. Didn’t I? And that’s why I’m looking into all this stuff. I want a black pedestal for frames and candles, a trunk for all his things… another furbaby. Yet one more Republican tendency; find something to hate more than yourself. A man trying as always for these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Innocents by Cathy Coote
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I would say “You Are Not A Caveman” because you could be better. You could be the man Braxton thought of as Dad. How can I? I Growl B Cause

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 265 ~Hair of the Braxton~

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I was never much of a drinker. No, I wasn’t one of the “Cool Kids.” It wasn’t that I was trying to be good. But for whoever I share my life with, I want to be. For fifteen years, eleven months, that was Braxton. Without that love? Hair of the Braxton

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Gospel 265 ~Hair of the Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not even that is enough to bring Braxton back to me. Well, there’s Braxton fur…

You know I don’t drink My Love and alcohol won’t help anything. I did say I don’t indulge, but you can ask my second BFF and one glass of wine. Yet, at this rate, saying I was drinking in excess might be better than drowning myself in tears “One More Night.” Yeah, what’s one more sad song? It wouldn’t matter if I was working the ole Day Job or my dream job. “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” What an insult that is to my boy? My apathy is what led to his death because he was always there. I was whatever, but B? Baby girl, I focused on things that didn’t matter. So Braxton, who I love, paid for my ennui with his life.

Now I’m doing it again. Yes, I see that now, and the thing is, I don’t give a damn. Braxton’s Life Matters, and if I had treated him as such before, he might still be here. Only no, he has the food in his bowl, he has his water, so he cries for one night; by morning, B’s just fine. I’ve been losing myself to the madness of this world. I lost my boy, my firstborn. Now it’s the background noise. Do you know what caught my ear in that ruckus? Is Hank a Good Father? Hank Hill from King of the Hill, so I demanded an answer from myself. “What Makes A Good Man?” How about your husband and the daddy of our kids?

The best lover and friend, the best daddy I can, as Will Smith put it. Without a doubt, I don’t want to be my father. How dare I right with everything? I don’t want our kids to hate me. If a child wakes up believing the whole world is against him and his father too? That’s something good I’ll remember about Braxton’s eyes. In his final hours, suffering, and dying he saw me, and I could hear him saying. “Daddy, can we go home. Daddy, I want to stay with you.” I look at you and my family now, and you don’t feel that way?

Drunk on you, on love, for now, I’m sober. I need love; I know that. Some Hair of the Braxton

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will


Gospel 264 ~Find Anything That Beats Temptation~

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Once I would say I’m Tony Montana in regards to what I wanted. “The world, chico, and everything in it.” At least Tyrion Lannister. Nothing tempts me now, but those few moments I forget, Braxton is Gone. I indulge. Find Anything That Beats Temptation

Monday, March 22, 2021

Gospel 264 ~Find Anything That Beats Temptation~

Hundred And Eightieth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I shouldn’t want for anything. I want my best friend back.

Tell me, how can there be any temptation for something I can never have again? If anything, it’s madness. It’s, as the song goes, The Land of Make-Believe. Even if it lasts only a minute or five. My, Madam Justice, I did find a use for that “the world will end in five” idea, yep. Okay, so I can never again see Braxton in this life ever. There are ways to give in or up. I could let insanity overtake me, which would be poetic justice. When my grandma died, I stopped eating. I wasn’t mourning. I wanted to skip grandma’s funeral, called anxiety. So with Braxton, the second way to cave is to go with my depression, fuck the Day Job. Talk about tempting.

The thing is, much like National Suicide Prevention Lifeline… really, yeah fuck you guys. How about my “father,” who kicked me out on my behind. Thus taking me away from Braxton for two and a half months. The overall record for being apart from B. Madam Justice, what I’m trying to say is, no one would care. Well, except for the Day Job. Didn’t I talk about them calling me up about missing a shift that wasn’t on my schedule? There is no temptation for death or depression; neither brings B III back here, right? Honest to God, I’m trying to avoid Hell, well, another one. Don’t I keep saying this is Hell, being without my son? To think B III was tempted to stay.

He loves me, as someone once sang What’s Love Got To Do With It. You could tell me I could have someone in my life right now, and I would pass. That’s what hurts the most, Madam Justice, and could be a reason why I find myself like this. Not going away, is it?
No human knows everything about me, and even if they did, they would never accept it. Again I kept secrets from my son because he was just that, my son, I am his father. When you have that love Madam Justice, when you know, You Were Loved what else is there? So finding something that stops the yearning for my Braxton…

Temptations, but B III’s watching. Hope he still loves me. Find Anything That Beats Temptation

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 263 ~To Be Mean Time-Travel~

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How have I made it through seven weeks? The last time I was so busy,… well what happened. If I just went ahead and published a damn book. I know what I want to write about, but I’ve yet to turn in “GULP” two years ago. To Be Mean Time-Travel hmm

Sunday, March 21, 2021

Gospel 263 ~To Be Mean Time-Travel~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you are not. You know what your motivations say. Well, not anymore, considering your recent playlist.

You should do what has become the seven-week usual. Not meaning to be political at um 5:30 in the morning but say his name. All you need is to think back on that day, and the rest of this week should be… Hell, at least zombies don’t have worries, responsibilities. You know I tried to make it easy on you with all my time-travel. The last thing you need is what the Day Job will do to you and then a three-hour conversation. I swear that is too much time, and you know it. Especially when no one is listening. And the one who did… You don’t care to go forward and “If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time,” doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 10” Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 086) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

There’s still time. One of many tools that I employed, and you see where that got me and B III.

Of all the places I think he might be, how about this for your consideration. Somewhere in another universe, there is another you and him who received a miracle. He lived. Haven’t I talked about the whole world ending in five minutes? I believe I said I don’t do that anymore. However, one of these days, you or somebody will be correct, and with Braxton gone. Well, you are seven-days into an apocalypse, walking the wasteland. Would it be better if you were frozen in place, and what about the fastest way to meet your son again. Dangerous talk, isn’t it but still, there’s much to do, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 11” Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

To add even more to your plate, Camp NaNoWriMo. Besides all your Braxton memorials and the wasted clothes for the Day Job. You might try looking like a writer. Even better would be actually writing. Do you work on dusty obligations or the newest beginnings? Now that one subject has been put to bed, I know what you want to write about… B III or AHEM Bastian Barks Bennett. Isn’t it ironic that B III’s character survived fiction, but I signed his life away in reality? “You Always Hurt The One You Love,” as the song goes. Or if she happens to be pretty… Writing is your time machine—no more pretty girls… but you and Braxton. Decide where to go. To Be Mean Time-Travel

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 258 ~On Braxton’s Big Day~

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I’m not the man I was. The man I was before Braxton… can’t say I miss him. To be full of love and then, I don’t know it doesn’t vanish. He’s like the source and like a lake or his water bowl I sit; life but going nowhere. “On Braxton’s Big Day.”

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Gospel 258 ~On Braxton’s Big Day~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but Braxton… he was the best, destined to be my best man, big brother, but bye?

Best man is by far my selection for him. Only four women ever won his heart. So it’s no coincidence that I love (or am especially fond of them as well). Of course, one of them was you. Hell, if he had lived to see the women are girls would grow up to be someday. Braxton loved his grandma, although she forgot him here or there. Like father like son. His aunt and/or his first mom… I know that sounds weird to say; insert a southern joke here. I’ve told you about Indiana Gone and how he jumped all over her resulting in “The Talk.” He really liked her, but when it came to you, it was like “this one.” B didn’t steer me wrong.

Big brother is watching you. I remember when he knew he would have siblings. I believe he loved watching the beans grow more than French fries, cheese, and hot dogs combined. He was easy to forgive now that he wasn’t growling about lunch/dinner sharing habits. It was always a promise between him and me. A daddy, a mommy, a brother, a sister, another sister. You and I, My Love, kept at it. Braxton never complained. If I had my old Day Job, he might have lost his mind, but B was the one who could come to my new job. It was one thing to be kept out when you and I would… Now he’s trapped with the kids. Why he still has bed privileges.

“Bye Felicia,” I’m sure he wanted to say to you when he realized he lost a whole side of the bed. How about when I walk in with food, and he sees all the hands reaching for stuff. It’s called family. Braxton, you wanted one; I wanted the same. Take a look at me now.
“Bye, daddy, I have to go, look out for them, love them as I love you,” I ask you. My Love, have I done that. B isn’t here to play outside with the kids now, but what about me? B III had his favorite toy because I couldn’t bring myself to let the vet do “that” to him, um no. Best Man, Big Brother, Best friend but what about me?

Be the person your dog thinks you are? I wasn’t much before him, to be honest. Now it’s like I don’t feel like being anything. While I’m quoting the wise though, for you dear wifey, “a man provides” real enough. I have, I will, but like my father, that doesn’t only mean paying the bills. I won’t lie, you know how I have feared you would break my heart but Braxton… My firstborn, first love that loved me back, hell my first knight. When will I be “myself?” I’m sorry, I don’t know, baby girl. Still On Braxton’s Big Day

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 257 ~Never Mind Weather For Sex~

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I’m not in the mood. I remember Braxton being in his room when I had women over, and he only liked one. I had to give him the talk after he got a bit paws on. He’ll never meet the one. Never Mind Weather For Sex, but I am, was a single dad.

Monday, March 15, 2021

Gospel 257 ~Never Mind Weather For Sex~

Hundred And Seventy-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and while the weather ALWAYS permits, the spirit has no mood now.

You didn’t think this would ever happen to me, huh, Madam Justice? Don’t worry, you’re not the first woman to ask me about this. My second BFF asked me about having lady friends by. It was more or less a confession to M Anime with my new asexual ideas, yep. Braxton is not to blame since this has been going on since last year. He’s only been gone forty-three days. Hell, with this weather, I could send him out to play. How about all those early morning showers getting ready for work while he slept. I’m still cleaning my phone. It’s not like I don’t get hot and horny. I could even be wrong about thinking of this as asexuality at all… abstinence, celibacy, MONK.

I’m not a religious man Madam Justice but when it comes to Braxton? Well, I’ve said I’m going to Hell, and I was aiming for the second circle. Of course, there is my anger and rage, which is the fifth circle. What I did forty-three days ago, well forty-four January 31. Treachery, betrayal, is the greatest sin and also the coldest, and that’s how I feel, Justice. Tupac said, ain’t a woman alive that can take his Mama’s place. My Mama is back to her usual self. So here I am; I can’t get a hug from my Mom, and even if I had a girlfriend. Honestly, I only want to hug my best friend again. I want to be warm. I don’t deserve it.

As the songs go, Sitting Here In Limbo, Highway To Hell, Stairway To Heaven. Yes, I know Limbo is in Hell, and that’s probably the best way to describe it. I’m still reading Eric Vall’s titles. I’m downloading all manner of stuff but preparing to cancel all of it now. Being hot is one thing and cold another but lukewarm? I’d give anything to be cuddling with Braxton right now. Let’s walk on the coldest day of the year. I still remember rushing him to the vet when he was dehydrated and staying up with him all night with hope. Pardon me, but no piece of ass will make up for that wagging tail. The weather’s no problem; it’s Braxton being gone; it’s been forever.

Never Mind Weather For Sex

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will