Tag: Silence

Episode 201 ~Your Will Is King~

WillLeave a comment

I have dreamed a dream, and most I can’t remember, but it’s the ones that stick with me that I have to worry about, especially since I wasn’t reading this morning but writing this in my head and how they say, so let it be written… “Your Will Is King”

Friday, January 18, 2019

Episode 201 ~Your Will Is King~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, or how about staying in the black, because I wasn’t yesterday going over budget, I don’t regularly read black writers though I can say I didn’t read period when it comes to this morning, and usually my dreams are snow white. Hell, the last story I wrote with African American women… Some Assembly Required maybe, and two characters are archetypes of Alicia Keys and Zoë Kravitz, now that’s bound to tick somebody off am I right?

Now I’m nowhere near Martin Luther King Jr and already how dare I blame his birthday, my fascination with True Teen Babes or my “gift” of prophecy but I Have A Dream or had last night, and per usual, this is one of those I deem worthy of merit and fear. It was about this girl at the day job, and honestly, pickings are slim but this one girl who reminded me of Amandla Stenberg and “Rainbow” and honestly I found her so beautiful but in my dream while she was an object of lust she was also taboo. I never know what my “important” dreams mean until after the trouble, stay away from her, other black women have stirred up trouble these days, maybe my darker interests will be exposed sooner or later shudders

Not like I haven’t written about a variety of white women and as far as most black people hell Lady Sophia I might give Steve King a run for his money and maybe that’s it, my dream might be asking me am I willing to stand for my words. At this point, I have nothing to lose, or it could be telling me I’m overlooking potential, and I have learned my lesson about doing anything in the workplace, again this week I’ve lost sleep, music, friendships; be myself… I shouldn’t.

I’m a fucking horror show (Language) like Stephen King, but it felt so good Lady Sophia, long story short; I was at my grand mommy’s house, (father’s side is my grandma, mother’s side my grandmommy) anyway this was the last time I remember actively chasing little black girls. So day job girl is dancing in pajamas in the guest room, and next thing I know we’re dancing together and fall to the bed and I’m scared to move but she touches my cheek, and I touch hers and let’s say we’re moving into Dirty Diana territory but more romantic. Maybe I think I’m better than her which would be a terrible thought, but don’t I believe deep down I’m higher than most African Americans? Again horrible, and I can’t merely accept this was a dream about a pretty girl I would sleep with but my dreams Lady Sophia, I should tell the man in the mirror, Your Will Is King.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 158 ~An Air Of Will~

WillLeave a comment

Ball gags, panties, and girls to wear them that is me being nice because I want people to shut up for a while, my anxiety spiked today, and it was like I couldn’t breathe, and what was it I wanted in that moment, who knows. “An Air Of Will”

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Episode 158 ~An Air Of Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, want it more than anything else; one of my favorite Motivations is when Eric Thomas, retells the story of Socrates, saying that when you want to succeed as bad as you want that next breath, you’ll be successful. I also remember the Hentai “Isaku” where one of the male leads speaks about what he’s willing to do to have what he wants and considering what he and Isaku do to their victims… there aren’t words.

Well yeah, there are but none I’m in the mood to say despite the WARNING if anything I only wish people would shut up at the moment and while I consider communication a factor to good sex, well part of being a Dom, is the ability to read a submissive. Honestly, BDSM is a lot of paperwork and then Green, Yellow, Red, unless we’re talking about “No Safeword” by Claire Thompson, talk about Dominant goals. Better yet talk about reading goals, that’s what I’m missing right now, delving into literature, again with the Motivations, one said that Bill Gates reads a book a week; if anything that’s what I want.

No Dirty Diana, you would say all I want to do is sleep, one more reason I would prefer a submissive that isn’t a masochist… those tendencies sure, but the worst thing you can do to a masochist is ignoring them. On days like this I would be too wrapped up in my pain, and while I’m not attempting to make Christian Grey out as a decent role model, the sadist in me, making someone feel an iota of the hurt that I endure and then resting in it accepting it. Yeah, I’m not looking for the answer, I want the silence but within it, the tears that I’m not supposed to cry, those breaths I can’t seem to catch, the shading I can’t see on my face, how idiots would say I tried blushing.

Christian was reliving his childhood through his submissives, women who reminded him of his mother; my mom is powerful, intelligent, a survivor; hmm and usually quite apologetic for the men in her life, she would apologize for my “father” forever. My mom could never tell anyone how he hurt her and while I’ll never be a man that harms women as he did, my ravishment fantasies, wanting someone that can shut the hell up under duress, An Air Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 145 ~Will Read The Directions~

WillLeave a comment

Do you honestly believe I’m going to follow the rules for 5000 words today, hell if I did my novel would be completed this weekend but sleeping my life away is quite simple, I know the way to my pillow? “Will Read The Directions.”

Friday, November 23, 2018

Episode 145 ~Will Read The Directions~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, for example, I still can’t find those but if it involves writing every day well… Here I Am; it’s one thirty in the morning and while my motivations talk about not talking about work, let your success make the noise again I’m here. Emails about making it to 40,000 words, my alarm clocks telling me I should have been in bed hours ago and ready to go off about work, and of course, however, I choose to procrastinate at this time.

How many energy shots is it safe to take, how long are turkey and ham good for maybe? Is there a maximum number of emails some people can have ever? How much is a business allowed? I’m looking at you Office Depot. If my life was in a grocery store and I had to read the directions on how my goose gets cooked, believe me when I say, I would put it back down; I know you were expecting a song like Indiana Gone right, so I’m Gonna Make It. I can’t say I miss people telling me what to do… yeah when did it ever end, day job and all but nobody told me how to survive yesterday and somehow it got done, but “men” are supposed to know right, even now I hate looking to others which shouldn’t surprise me, I still hate looking in the mirror because I don’t recognize my reflection.

The things I know how to do are things that I hate and the things that I love hell Lady Sophia I have no idea, take “B III” for example; every week don’t I fail at being the father I should be, I take him for walks, change his pad, give him his meds on time. Nobody teaches you how to be a dad, and don’t get me started on my “Father” I don’t have that money or patience, plus despite my novel I respect women, and I don’t want my kids to be afraid. The thing is I am terrified all the time because that’s one more set of directions they leave out; so many things I need to write but it all gets to be a bit much and even if I wrote it all down tonight would I read it in the morning?

We both know the answer to such things right, four hundred words a day, 365 days in a year, 120,000 words. That’s a novel unless we were playing by NaNoWriMo rules and that keeps me going I know. I’m also good at reading bills but not who’s on my money not that it matters but shouldn’t it all, hell look at Trump, and the only things he “learns” is bad press but when the phrase people use is “WTF is he doing” I think I better find some damn instructions for life. Now if you hand me the Bible I swear I’m going Fahrenheit 451; Will Read The Directions.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

WillLeave a comment

History is at the mercy of the victor’s whims, but I always like to believe that it’s the wheelhouse survivors, then again Hitler’s book was a best seller, and most of the erotica I read is from white women, but here I am. “To Will Wash History”

Friday, November 16, 2018

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, but it wouldn’t matter if I did anyway as no amount of money can cover up the truth but the thing is, that enough of it does make it easier to live with some way. Right now I’m doing what I do for free so no wonder it’s so damn difficult to keep going over it, hell if people can’t get past the title, that has changed, but still, there’s Facebook.

Of course, I could always delete it but what kind of man would I be because there still is that belief that one of these days I’ll be bragging to these people and I want evidence that even though I screwed up plenty, here I am writing my victory speech, rather than my concession. I’ve said before that I write so much attempting to outrun certain words, ideas, and names but I can never control all of it; hasn’t it been a while since I thought of the “Fly Girl” better left to the past. The thing is I wish I could forget today’s writing for Pay Two Plague, how about erasing the schedule at work, and always the words I speak, but there is an Echo for one reason or another in my head… yeah, Where Is My Mind?

If anything My Lady, do you know how many times I’ve written “My Master” but that’s another story literally, my brain would be about as useless as the backspace and delete keys and 27,500 words I don’t care to explain. Speaking of words, I don’t need *ahem* Raid: Ant Baits, when I’m not busy writing I’m putting down ant invasions and those pieces of sh*t, both bug and weapon are not worth anything. For tonight it’s looking like I don’t have to tell you in horror stories but Then The Morning Comes, I’m going for five thousand words, NaNoWriMo is a word I have come to respect and admire, but my words don’t do it justice to be completely honest.

How many words will it take to drown out the past, how many to make the present worth living and how many to rewrite the future because what I know and even what I don’t is not worth reading. It’s like 1984 with everyone else’s words I wonder of my existence. Do I honestly want to, this weekend the day job will see since I’m not going in and I don’t want to with Black Friday coming, but there’s no way To Will Wash History?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 131 ~Your Willie Don’t Mime~

WillLeave a comment

The pretend man is at it again, well that was until I was cradling “B III,” fighting an ant caravan or wondering what the hell am I becoming while writing other than a terrible writer… too late, but I am a clown. Your Willie Don’t Mine

Friday, November 9, 2018

Episode 131 ~Your Willie Don’t Mime~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, you have to work every day, and today I make no excuses although I always have a million of those, another ant invasion, “B III” having to visit the vet because of his heart, and here I feel as though I took a hit in mine. Literally Lady Sophia my chest hurts right there, could be breathing in that bug spray, my exhaustion, I nearly threw up last night because I was so out of it, still am, and maybe that’s why I didn’t want to talk to you, the universe, and what’s that they say of dead men my friend…

This whole week I’ve felt like a “MIME” in everything I do, at work being the hard-working employee and still feeling so guilty when somebody writes down I’m not showing up. As a writer, talk about being an epic failure, on the one hand, shouldn’t I feel proud, I can turn off everything in this life and focus only to fall into the black of words, TV screens, or pools of ants, I swear I have no idea where any of it is coming from. What about what I can see, I’ve been fucking up as a father forever and a day and all it took was one bad night and it surely was a million times worse for my kid but sleeping in my bed, his food, going for walks, that fear Lady Sophia seeing him struggle to live.

Lady Sophia that silence would kill me; if I couldn’t write anymore and if I lost everything trying to work so hard to remain nothing more than an “UNPERSON” I don’t feel as though I exist, that I should, or that I even want to. Indiana Gone and I were talking about this, I always get called into work but if I don’t show up then so what, it doesn’t matter the day continues and if they call me terrible or people are indifferent towards me. On the other side, I’m the entertainment, I’ve said that before, the inspiration of jokes, the example of how not to do something, the monster makes the damsel relevant.

Now that is something I don’t mind or mime if you were to look up my internet history, in this world, there are never enough warning labels are there, and again last night I was so wrecked, I was like everybody else, close your eyes and ignore everything. If you can’t see a mime though, does he exist, one more reason I’m a writer, I can pretend to write, or I can do it; with desire, Your Willie Don’t Mime.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 060 ~Will Said Or Not~

WillLeave a comment

Silence is golden, and unfortunately, I gave it all up to run errands and to talk about other people shutting up which is probably the least offensive thing that I will say today and if only I sounded less stupid. Will Said Or Not

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Episode 060 ~Will Said Or Not~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason not to tell someone to shut up, other than the fact that I like blowjobs, trust me on this, a girl said once if I made her pasta I would get one and while I declined *cue shock* I still wanted the option. I like screams, moans, cries and whimpers, my name on her lips or nasty endearments (Ravishment Fantasy?) with all the noise in this world I like my girls loud.

Then there are days like today when I want everything and everyone to shut up, and if she isn’t gagging on something of mine, then a scarf, any number of tools, hell her panties stuffed in her mouth can help. Maybe I should practice what I preach, especially if I’m not going to talk about my anxiety driving me crazy today but my mind is clear, unfortunately, along with another part of my anatomy, the stress too much but that’s a fucking excuse. So if I don’t want to give explanations, what about the other things we don’t say, I can go forever and a day about the things people think I say, the things I do and don’t, what I mean and what’s fantasy.

Maybe that’s why I have this gagging concept along with some exhibitionism… people but not yet entirely though I’m working up to that, more the idea of a girl being unable to say anything but being watched on camera. I’ve had a thing for photography and portraits lately and watching these girls, not professional models but with such perceptiveness, poise, purity, I’m between Great Teacher Onizuka and Brutal Castings. Of course, I can’t say that stuff out loud; I’m even hesitant to mention it here, though I sent in the money to save the blog but do I honestly want anyone to read it… like me, people will focus on the blowjobs and ignore everything else that I’ve said right?

Hell Dirty Diana I say it time and time again, if I can’t handle this simple stuff what will happen when I’m Christian Grey, Dennis Hof or a man in Hollywood, role models right, the president sleeps with porn stars and wants a space army, no wonder he wants everyone to shut up. I think I’m a great listener Dirty Diana, but today I’m not looking for answers, I’m not looking for advice, not even Poor Sweet Baby, I only want quiet and release and here I am regretting having it, Will Said Or Not.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 307 ~Right To Remain Told~

WillLeave a comment

I have my answer for last week, a story that’s timeless would have to be Star Wars but nowadays if you want a tale as old as time I have one word for you… RACISM but today can’t I be happy it’s Star Wars Day? Right To Remain Told.

Friday, May 04, 2018

Lesson 307 ~Right To Remain Told~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today, and no it’s not because the Sith, the Empire, or even The First Order fail; if anything I find myself in good company, and with that Happy Star Wars Day. To think such a story was once shunned and has become a massive powerhouse, I still hate that idea the winners write history,” and I still believe history is told from the survivors but call it history, prophecy, fiction, truth, they’re words.

People hear what they wish, but that doesn’t mean we should remain silent; at least not always anyway, as I have talked plenty about being loud, being heard, and the world needs that. It’s just too much damn noise now with all the gunshots, the fear as so many hearts beat a little bit faster, the marching in the street, the hatred that’s spewed and anonymous tips falsely reported. So yeah I’ve been reading today about two native American young men who were kicked out of a college tour as they were quiet… seriously Lady Sophia how do I even keep my job, almost didn’t?

Didn’t I say before that people speak of quiet like it’s a goddamn crime, and now their story is being written and bring on the noise, and there should be a ruckus, but people would prefer they hush. What about Star Wars, George Lucas was told to go away, that his story would not amount to anything and look at him now, well better look at Disney actually but still he became God. When it comes to my novel though I have to admit the biggest enemy, the one telling me to remain silent, the one I know that doesn’t believe well “It’s Gonna Be Me,” yeah terribly corny right?

I wish I could say my work is corny or anything that easy, what about my plan of making a poetry book and yeah today is a holiday because I am a nerd but any other day I’m just freaking lazy. No promises but I do want people to know, hell I write every day and just like my poetry collection I’m approaching the year mark aren’t I, and even if I’m speaking into the void, I haven’t known silence.

One day my poems, stories, and life will make excellent kindling, and you can take that however you wish, and while I have the right to remain silent on my views, I also have the precious “Right To Remain Told.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 299 ~Deaf Of King Midas~

WillLeave a comment

When it comes to the perfect woman how long until you get to the lips, something I might have to ask Real Doll right but then again, I’m into scream queens if you know what I mean between kisses. “Deaf of King Midas,” while I hear a bit too much

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Lesson 299 ~Deaf Of King Midas~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Fine Today because all that glitters is not gold and if I had enough of that I’m sure I would have quite the scream queen, oh yes Dirty Diana I do like a screamer, a moaner, and a crier. At the same time though any girl; any submissive that I was with would also need to understand the value of silence and the power that silence holds.

I’m not just talking about non-disclosure agreement (NDA) or fucking in public; speaking of which, they shut Backpage down… don’t ask me how I know or why I care, haven’t I said I’m a traditionalist, I wouldn’t pay for sex, okay maybe in Nevada for “the day.” You should also know I’m not one to kiss and tell, hell first I would need a “Wishing Well” because when’s the last time I asked some girl “Can We Talk” and yet I’m so bold sexually right? Cherry and I were talking the other day about what people did before there was language, *sigh* to return to nothing more than a man’s primal nature but in all facets of my life nowadays, it’s a crime to be silent.

Is that why my fantasies these days have been about how to make people shut up; like one is about a girl who is always talking badly about herself, she even brought up grey hairs which wouldn’t matter much if I was pulling them off while she blew me. Yesterday another girl was upset I wasn’t paying her attention and since we have talked about her having blowjob lips, well here come the pictures. I even told another girl that’s busy texting or otherwise on the phone in her car, she’s lucky she isn’t mine because I would find a way to shut her up.

Isn’t it strange that I don’t have a ball gag for those times might dick might be engaged elsewhere; something else I may need if I ever start building the “Black Room” that I desire. No secrets between us right and today is full of secrets with “Avengers: Infinity War” coming out, for all the respect I have for intelligent and smart mouth chicks here or there, what I wouldn’t give to have Black Widow’s or Shuri’s lips occupied.

Even with that image, silence is golden, I’ve kept it in my pants, and you know me and my dirty talk, but for now, Dirty Diana things are quiet for the Deaf Of King Midas.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 277 ~Excuse Me, Miss Pinterest~

WillLeave a comment

It was a miracle that I didn’t go off, how about the fact that I didn’t get into more trouble, that I don’t have more problems, though I’m far from no worries, which included getting into the movies. Excuse Me, Miss Pinterest

Wednesday, April 04, 2018

Lesson 277 ~Excuse Me, Miss Pinterest~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today but the day is nearly over. I tell you when you wake up in the morning; you can be at peace with the fairer sex and in five minutes before my shift ends you want to stomp #MeToo, wonder about The Screwfly Solution” and all you take from the “The Miracle Season” is volleyball players have cute butts. One sin Inspector Echo, all it takes is one, and then you know why there is a Highway to Hell, one big freaking wreck.

Now I am not a gentleman though I may “try” but you want to know what I want Inspector Echo, I want to go to bed and in a quest for that, five minutes, some “woman” the store custodian is busy having her social hour. I’ll admit I could have been nicer, but you spend your entire shift unloading a truck and putting out merchandise. So I simply tell her to watch out as I step over her bag of trash and pass a make-up “girl” who was taking pictures during her shift. “the word is “excuse me,” she says behind my back… she’s lucky the words weren’t “move bitch, get out the way” honestly.

I also wanted to talk about the termination of my Pinterest account; because undoubtedly some woman was behind that and I suppose I’ll be fending off emails for the next few days wondering what the hell happened, they won’t tell me. How quickly the day changes, from one humiliation and anger to the next, plus it’s late so that is another thing I will have to know forgiveness for, a lack of eloquence. How about rage, I was ready to march right back in there and have a face-off with the janitor, why not try that with my boss hmm?

I swear Inspector by the end of the day I engaged in all seven deadly sins and most before lunch, but it all began with one bitch who would instead party than doing her damn job and the thing is what didn’t matter to her after five seconds will stick with me for five months. You still remember why I have been writing for two hundred and seventy-seven days right, I swear I feel like Adam thinking oh Eve you have done it now dear.

Forgive me for not listing out every sin, for my exhaustion, for my rage and madness, but there is a reason Hell is an eternity thinking Excuse Me, Miss Pinterest.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 273 ~Tell Me A Story~

WillLeave a comment

Today has been one productive day, I didn’t tell a story but a few reviews down and tomorrow the real work begins, and that’s when I will have to live up to these words, this promise I suppose. Tell Me A Story, soon and not soon enough

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Lesson 273 ~Tell Me A Story~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Fine Today but I prefer you not tell me a joke now and especially not tomorrow, and maybe it’s fate that I start writing my next novel tomorrow as the Christians will be all joy and rapture at what they say is “The Greatest Story Ever Told.” Hell how many people go to bed at night hoping that they never have to wake up, even Jesus didn’t make it through his thirties just saying.

Tell me an excuse and yes I’m going on and on about the Pinterest thing; the Internet is sort of like my medication, and I need the right balance of things to keep me centered if that makes any sense. I think I’m starting to understand the rage and the fear of the sound of silence, shouldn’t I know by now no one’s listening to me; it’s one thing when you see your world and they can’t but when your world hides from you… Losing an account has only happened once with Yahoo, but what have I said about defending your one inch of nothing?

Tell me is that why I write about sex all the time, I’m sure many would agree or was I the only one who found the one-inch thing dirty, like Big Ten Inch, or twelve steps. Honestly, I’m not in the mood. It doesn’t matter if I’m in the mood or not because tomorrow I will be writing, yes I need to repeat those words over and over, make them my mantra but it’s like I’m just hitting a brick wall. Hard as a rock honestly, I know, I’ll stop it, but I’m in a rush for no particular reason other than my made-up time constraints, and maybe I should turn my phone off, maybe?

Tell me something good, but before that, I’ll probably be stuck saying something stupid like I love you… what I tell the dog I love him every day, and I reveal to that girl “Cherry” other things, but I’m getting better with that. Today I should be yelling to the masses *crickets chirping*, *tumbleweed blows through*, okay I should ask myself how I feel about movies and books on the blog, writing something Lady Lu.

Tell me it’s been five thousand words already but no, I got a late start today which means I’ll be missing even more sleep but if I could sleep I’d say Tell Me A Story.

I Will Have No Fear