Tag: Sins

Chronicle 144 ~Guilt Is A Controlling Mechanism~

WillLeave a comment

If I had known the moment I called B and he hopped in the car that this is how it would end? Hell, I do shit all the time knowing that it could come crashing down. Yet my guilt at all that I’ve done hasn’t stopped me… Guilt Is A Controlling Mechanism

Monday, November 22, 2021

Chronicle 144 ~Guilt Is A Controlling Mechanism~

Two-Hundred And Fifteenth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I have learned anything from others. There’s no shame, guilt. No need for a conscience.

Mine died 295 Days ago. My soul, my serenity, my son. His Dark Materials put it best, my Dæmon. If I had any reason to stay in line, it was him and now? Well, why do you think I’m calling you so late. Every day I don’t leave this bed, um, every afternoon, I fail. I keep up with Braxton’s treats… what was it a day or so ago? I noticed I missed one. When I leave the house, I keep up the usual banter, and when I return. I’ve had tacos, two days. Hell, Madam, when I don’t bring fries back, I know that I’ve failed Braxton. Daily ritual. When I can’t keep it in my pants because I want to feel something “good.”

Fuck Aria Logan and Cherry, um yes, please if again you’re wondering where I’ve been. Satisfaction? Nope, guilt kept me from coming. It’s the guilt that keeps me from going. Back to bed, that is. Only again, I’m sitting right here knowing I won’t get a wink tonight. Not if I don’t tell you all these horrible things in my life. Losing Braxton, always first. There’s also my nighttime ritual of lying to NaNoWriMo about my progress in writing. What about the Day Job I hate? And yet feel like I failed them, and by God, I did once again. It’s the guilt. I am guilty. And if I told you all my secrets… “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man,” yep.

While I’m busy ripping off songs, “I’m only human after all. Don’t put your blame on me.” While I was reading this evening from “Only Gone From Your Sight.” Jack/Kate says, “stop identifying yourself as my victim.” When it comes to B III, I never have. What do I see? The killer in the mirror, staring back at me. B III is the worst thing I ever got away with. Take your pick with the things that could cost me everything. He’s the one life, the crime everybody goes “meh.” Braxton’s body wasn’t even cold. Father “Get a new dog.” Fucking asshole, and I feel guilty saying that. I say guilt controls and yet my crimes. Braxton is still dead. Guilt Is A Controlling Mechanism

I believe in consequences.

No, you believe in guilt.

Maybe. But guilt before we act is called morality.
“Liberal Arts“

295 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 137 ~Victory Is Faster Than Escape~

WillLeave a comment

So what did I win today? I didn’t get fired from a job I hate; my humiliations were kept small. Somebody got banned on my blog. I get to talk more about my dead son. This for sure ain’t winning, but where would I run? “Victory Is Faster Than Escape”

Monday, November 15, 2021

Chronicle 137 ~Victory Is Faster Than Escape~

Two-Hundred And Fourteenth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and money is the fastest way out of any situation. Well, a bullet, bucks, and, yeah, boobies.

I find the sandman can be as efficient as any hitman. He acts as quickly, at least because, as you can see, I’m still alive. I swear, J, if you told me I could close my eyes and never open them again… I’m not saying something STUPID like I love you, I’m not crazy either. Yeah, I keep telling myself that. Hell, I ain’t been right since Braxton died; I wasn’t right before that, but I at least had someone. I told Carolina Bound today, you know B III’s Aunt that it keeps piling up. All that pain, prose, and those penis-pumping wants. Is it any wonder I became a monk 288 Days ago? Victory, Escape, no Madam, I was defeated. Accept my unconditional surrender.

NaNoWriMo hasn’t defeated me yet, but I still lie my ass off every day. It’s like I’m some make-believe General and I would settle for that than what I’ve been. Today has been challenging, and what am I complaining about? Who am I complaining to; a better question, J? This Monday, I have yet to cross the point of no return regarding my writing. I even listened to some motivations, and I was getting revved up and then, of course, life. It seems that I and everyone else in my life are dreaming of a place to call home. Where’s that? Tell me where Braxton is and that I could follow him. B III fought hard just to get home. He’d want me to win.

The problem is to be a winner, I have to destroy the man he tried to save. Does that make any sense, Madam? How do they say you win some, you lose some, but you live. Talk to Braxton about his last fight. I had to destroy his father and become the freaking reaper J. I was telling Cherry this morning that a man provides for his family, and may I be such a man someday. I’ve often said that the epitome of manhood is not where you stick your dick but what happens after. Being a father, that’s me winning, success, victory. I would instead Take The Long Way Home. Braxton died at 15; I’m 37 and getting older. Victory Is Faster Than Escape

288 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 130 ~Pain Should Never Be Hoarded~

WillLeave a comment

Too many damn sticky notes. Floating around me. Those yellow note pads are only one more thing that I’m hoarding for work. Humiliation, Hurt, a hunger for something more than this. But no, only pain. And I know… Pain Should Never Be Hoarded but

Monday, November 8, 2021

Chronicle 130 ~Pain Should Never Be Hoarded~

Two-Hundred And Thirteenth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m the biggest victim in America. Woe is them and me, right. Oh, the pain…

Yeah, that ain’t true. As the song goes, “Mo Money Mo Problems.” What I wouldn’t give for such burdens. Ahem, my son’s life, light reminders, literally parts of my flesh. If I ever get that tattoo of him or decide to become a monk, hmm. Asking where I’ve been today. What on a Sunday evening, knowing that this week is going to suck? It’s torturous making money. Or at least the way that I go about it. Instead, I would choose to be a pimp, a man of prose, a pornographer, but we’ll get to that. Like everything else, sigh. Money is the root of all evil or the lack of it. I go back and forth. It’s strange how sins connect. Greed and Sloth.

I would say that I’m greedy with sleep, but what have I been doing all day? If I haven’t been on my belly sleeping, I’ve been grinding away. No, I don’t mean that in a good way Madam. I’ve worked on two galleries today, and neither one was Braxton’s. Earlier this morning, it was all about Yabbos or the complete lack thereof. Coins, cash. There are another few C words I could talk about, but neither one is polite conversation. Madam, the truth is, I hoard lust. If I had the money, it would all go right back there now. What about my boy? Braxton’s been gone 281 Days, and again where is his reminder, his tribute. Well, other than sitting on my nightstand, Madam.

So why not wrath? To roar, to rampage, to have revenge. It’s thoughts like that which let me know humanity. There is too much hate, misery, and pain. To quote another song, I’m just a “Sucker for Pain.” It’s what makes me the perfect sadist; I receive but choose to give. The only time I denied, despised, and became disgusted by pain was that of Braxton’s. Madam, the pain I’ve felt of losing my only begotten son… Should I chill with that religious reference, Madam? Anyway, that kind of pain nobody but me deserves. Masochism? No, I don’t enjoy being in pain. How about being broke, belittled, and Blue Balls? Where should the pain go, I ask. There’s nowhere. Yet, Pain Should Never Be Hoarded

281 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 215 ~Act From Desire Not Insecurity~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t know why I’m writing this or if it’ll make sense; after what happened Sunday. I don’t know. Hope for the best, plan for the Worst. In my universe, that means one thing… my son, and the things I may have decided. Act From Desire Not Insecurity

Monday, February 1, 2021

Gospel 215 ~Act From Desire Not Insecurity~

Hundred And Seventy-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but tell me I still have a son? Madam Justice, this is not the time to be looking towards the future, and yet here I am. What I think of him, do for him, are not desires but necessities. I want him to live, yes you could call that a desire. It’s the word LIVE that we should focus on, though. What about Insecurity? No, let’s call it what it is, Fear. What might happen or has? Yes, there is or was Fear, the wonders of time-travel. Anyway, in helping him in one way or another, I do it, no hesitation, Justice.

I could tell you so many things that get me up in the morning. You can take my Day Job as an example. I have no desire to go, but why do I act? There’s a yawn from my son as I lie here. Do I see it today, or is it but a memory? I get so insecure when it comes to my job. Should I change the rule? It is not desire nor any fear. Again it is a necessity. I’m not much for singing, but I will tell you what’s on my mind. As Disney puts it, The Bare Necessities. Um, maybe more to the tune of, it’s too hard living, but I’m afraid to die, Sam Cooke. Madam Justice, out of anyone in this world, it is my son. I don’t care about my life. Hell, tomorrow I’m supposed to talk to Dear Future Wife. What drives me now? Right now, this Saturday is the little ball of fluff lying here fading away, struggling to remain.

I wonder what drives him? He has learned too much from his old man; he knows Fear. Is it over his body? He may not take it that far, and he’s only thinking about jumping off the bed. I want to believe it is his desire not to leave me. How will another replace him?
Never, all I know is I want him here, and no Fear will stop me if I must lie beside him as he departs. I can’t see the future, so who knows if any of this will make sense in a day. I Will him to live, but I desire no more pain for him.

Whatever I do or did… Act From Desire Not Insecurity.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 211 ~Say The Word Willie~

WillLeave a comment

What’s the good word? I’m serious, give me just one, but you know something, nevermind. I refuse to be “that guy,” so I simply don’t say anything but then again, here we are. Paranoia, Guilt, Anxiety, Depression, Say The Word Willie, mind if I search

Thursday, January 28, 2021

Gospel 211 ~Say The Word Willie~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m allowed to have a big mouth. Hell, this entire week has been a wake-up call that I have nothing, nothing, nothing, um, sorry Whitney. I would be much better off going and watching Whitney Wright Prom Night. There lies the problem Dirty Diana one of several. At the core lies the fact that I haven’t been fapping in… wow, has it been thirty days? I might be impressed with myself if I wasn’t so fucked up. No, my dear, not with drugs, alcohol, or even love. Words.

Shakespeare asked the question, “what’s in a name?” In this day and age, everything. I’ve gone from wanting to be as infamous as the Marquis De Sade one day to what exactly? Either some delusions of grandeur with my paranoia. Perhaps I’ve been right all along, sadly. Fuck, it’s not like I’m Pornhub or XVideos, and I’ve been hearing a lot about them lately. To be honest, I was upset that they wiped Pornhub clean. No, not like that. I had plenty of shit I wanted to take. XVideos ain’t any safer, to be sure, and I figured I’d made mistakes. Republican Tendencies, like the former President. Did I ever mention I have Russian ties or know something about Ukraine? Already you can pick out which words get you flagged. You can pick one to end you. What was mine?

It depends on how much I want you to hate me. As I said, I can pick a name, Whitney, Hannah, Alissa. Why not Tifa, Aerith, Judy, Panam. I guess you can tell where I’ve been spending my time. Not porn… well, not really, my collections and Youtube, oh yeah, Marz. Delete, Deletion, Recycle Bin, Erase, for fuck sake, I’ve been imagining destroying every device in the house. Well, short of the phone. Would that be enough? I only need to look at my library, both my writings and others. Didn’t I say I’m reading Succubus Lord 8? Once again, another week of not being sexy because I don’t feel it. I have a hard-on like you wouldn’t believe, so what would that make me? A pervert, a creep, I can think of much worse, you know why, Dirty Diana?

GUILT!!! With eyes wide open and what can I do now but keep breathing. It ain’t another day anymore. It’s Breathing. Say The Word Willie.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~

WillLeave a comment

Monday; Thursday at the time of this writing, and I’m still scared to death. In a way, that makes me part of the majority. How many people have sped, hit a dog, who’s been inside a cell? Three separate incidents. “Collective Madness Is Called Sanity”

Monday, January 25, 2021

Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~

Hundred And Seventy-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I must be insane. Well, indeed, I am not the only one to believe in time-travel. So I can’t give myself too much credit. Only here we are on a Thursday, and I want to talk to you right now. Yeah, it’s more like I’m scared. Is it because I agree with everyone else about a particular subject? True enough, but I might be making myself sick over nothing. Either way, the guilt… Dare I say it’s real? How do THEY say, choosing between what you feel and what’s real, right?

PARANOIA! Madam Justice has taken the place of Depression, Anxiety, and, let’s say, any “Joy-Joy Feelings.” I’m the one who looked out the window earlier because I heard voices near my door. I’m lying here relishing the concept that if it gets “real,” who’ll witness? Dammit, don’t let them hurt my Dæmon. Who and for what? That’s why it won’t go away because I won’t face it. Wasn’t it Dale Carnegie who wrote about accepting the worse outcome? Yeah, I haven’t done that exceptionally well. I can’t, Madam Justice, never. Believing such a prospect is too much. Like when I got that speeding ticket and thought I would instead kill myself than tell my Old Man. There was the time I hit that dog… instead, the dog slammed my car door (again with speeding). Oh, my time in Juvenile Detention.

Everyone agrees that getting speeding tickets is wrong. Still, who would go out shopping for sleeping pills or would turn to rob their relatives. I embraced both, of course, and now I can get proper drugs. I have other methods available. I must be insane. However, I thought I was normal when I was driving and then, bam with that dog. I was a dog killer. Mom and daughter could have found my Olds; they could have called the cops. Only the dog lived but again with the memory of what I’d done that afternoon. While I sat in the day room in the detention center after my Olds begged for my release. I won’t do that again, Madam Justice. As much as I hate my “father,” I can’t do that. Yet I agree that what I’ve done or might have is madness, everyone says.

Living this way is crazy. The Paranoia won’t go away. Collective Madness Is Called Sanity

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 204 ~Will Looks Past Tit~

WillLeave a comment

Usually, I don’t understand why I sleep so much… well, other than being a lazy ass. I never cherished every FREE breath, more like I was looking at boobs. Now the only legs I worry about are mine running. Wil Looks Past Tit, but not anyone else would

Thursday, January 21, 2021

Gospel 204 ~Will Looks Past Tit~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but would that be enough to buy a Presidential Pardon. Oh, right, we have the new guy whose wife I haven’t seen naked. Uh, a daughter I haven’t thought about while “choking the bishop’. Speaking of nocturnal emissions and music to my ears, I can’t say I’ve been doing much of either, well this week.

Now, sure, I spent twenty minutes “getting it up” to wake up. Still, I’m not in a “Love Me Sexy” mood. I’ve found the only thing that gets me going more than sex is fear. Of what, you may ask?

That I still cannot say but all this week, let’s say I found the motivation. Now I won’t lie to you, Dirty Diana, I’m a nice guy… Ha. I suppose it’s KARMA that I’ve sent women running. Hell, I’ve taken off myself plenty. Only now, it’s like I’m sprinting uncontrollably. You should see me at the Day Job, for example. Everyone disappeared for a bit, which is okay with me, usually. Anyway, with no one around, I expected any minute to see the boys in blue. I hear there’s someone on the phone, and I imagine it’s them making arrangements. I set my watch thinking like something out of Baker Street; Just one more “hour,” and then you’d be happy. I’m never happy, though. As much as I’m for PDQ, Dogging, and full-on Exhibition, it’s this (sigh) PARANOIA that is fucking me up. Can’t relax.

I can’t even talk to Indiana Gone about it… “she won’t love me anymore.” People have been talking about The Big Lie this week. In “The Road,” Viggo Mortensen spoke about “The Great Fear.” Yes, I know it’s a book, and that’s another thing, I’m reading Eric Vall’s “Succubus Lord 7.” Anyway, what will I call my crime? Something to the tune of The Mass Shame, an original title. How about V For Vendetta, The “Hmm-Hmm” Inconvenience. The first one is a movie, of course, and the second is my favorite but even using the real word reveals too much. Isn’t that saying something? I never had a problem coming up to the line, stepping towards the edge, staring into the abyss. I will bend the rules, even break them, but what happened last week…

Am I so desperate to be a wanted man? AM I!!! Will Looks Past Tit

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 201 ~Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken~

WillLeave a comment

I said love hurts, and yeah, lust does as well, but it’s pretty fun too. Though, I’m not having any. In fact, I’m scared to death. Some people live to eat; others eat to live. I only write, and what else is there? Legs Breasts, There’s Always Chicken

Monday, January 18, 2021

Gospel 201 ~Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken~

Hundred And Seventy-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so oh god, OH GOD, what have I done!!! Why did I not take this rule to heart? It was inspired by my son, my Dæmon. I should turn to Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. When’s the last time I felt so bad? Well, in “modern history?” I would say when I read something from the “Basic Bitch.” Before that getting called into the office at the Day Job. There was that time in junior college. What about my stint in juvenile hall? Trumptards are scared and running.

Not that I’m one of them. Hell, at times, I’m um worse, and I can’t even tell you how horrible. If anything, I’m hoping that I’m here with you to read this in a week. For the moment, I’m time traveling. You know what I said wakes me up every morning, but Fear, yeah, works. Now, as I state in rule #15, “I Take My Own Lumps.” It means I take the hit I don’t make excuses. If I’m guilty, so I am. The thing is, I don’t even know if I am. There’s a difference between thinking and actions, and no, I’m not trying to be all motivational now.

Okay, usually I save confessions for Inspector Echo, but she waits till Wednesday. How about other cops? Well, I’m a thief, for starters. You know all those artists I have yet to pay and the ones I have paid? Well, I found a place where I did a bit of an art heist, not all. Oh, you know I’ve been stealing pictures and videos ever since I discovered, um, the (H-Word). I blame Tenchi Muyo, but I gave my Olds computer a virus many years ago. Yeah, I couldn’t hide that, but I have lied about being a better man. Doesn’t that affect only me, hmm? Today, no, not with my Dæmon. I swore to always be here for him. It’s him and me until the end. It wouldn’t be a crime to leave him but committing one leaves me no choice for sure, Justice.

He likes eating, and I like… well as the song goes, I hear you singing, “I know what boys like I know what guys want.” Much ado about nothing, hopefully.

For release Madam Justice, I stumbled down the rabbit hole… Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 197 ~Will Becomes A Dictator~

WillLeave a comment

Dictator’s minds are all over the place, and while I’m not taking over the world, I’ve been flipping over so many pretty girls lately. Why can’t I make a decision, I ask you? “Will Becomes A Dictator” cause I want’em all, those “Girls, Girls, Girls.”

Thursday, January 14, 2021

Gospel 197 ~Will Becomes A Dictator~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still say loud and proud Fuck Donald Trump FDT. He ain’t near my type, though. I’d cum all over Ivanka but not so much Melania. Tomi Lahren and Kayleigh McEnany, are also on my “Do Me” list. Republicans… Now I believe I should apologize if I sound a bit like an asshole, crass, perverted. It’s been a long, hard, fucking twenty days of NO FAP, so get used to me saying fuck a lot. I await what Grammarly will think. It’s why I would make a good Dictator.

Well, decisions, decisions, I either make poor ones or none at all, For example, Black or White. I guess I am becoming a republican as I love me a white woman. At the same time Lacey Duvalle, Jenna Foxx, Cassidy Banks. Ask me about the hard call; where’s my dick been? Besides choosing between blondes and brunettes. Don’t get me started on other colors. Every morning I’ve been edging away to a bikini beach babe.

On the other hand, I always figured I’d end up fucking away what’s left of my life with a brunette, actually. Since I’m an old man, and all, how about choosing between MILF’s and schoolgirls (legal age). You know, in life, I have fucked around with plenty of MILF’s that no longer talk to me. It’s like General Hospital Olivia Falconeri or Kristina Corinthos-Davis SIGH.

Of course, this was before I wanted to do unspeakable things to Molly Lansing-Davis. Haley Pullos, “the perfect woman… the Goddess.” Or (drool) Christina Marie Masterson? Um, I could be a fucking fanboy chasing “Lily” from AT&T, Milana Vayntrub. Interestingly enough, when it comes down to the woman I want to marry, you only need to look at my last novel. Win William Bridgman married a woman inspired by (drumroll) Sabrina Nichole. Need I say more, like get Alycia Debnam-Carey to fuck me then marry.

As you can see, my mind has been all over the place that I can’t decide what to talk about. There’s Tifa Lockhart vs. Aerith Gainsborough. You know Vanilla sex in comparison to BDSM or my personal favorites. I wanted to bring up big tits vs. small. Fuck I can only be as decisive as I was this morning. I love Boobs. Feet still gross me out. So me becoming worthwhile… Will Becomes A Dictator.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 190 ~Mounting Vague Assumptions Will~

WillLeave a comment

Well, I saw some “adult situations.” But Trump ain’t much of a man. Am I? A new year and let’s just say that the Capitol got all sorts of F’s for failure and something else. At least Biden got certified, but my future. Mounting Vague Assumptions Will

Thursday, January 7, 2021

Gospel 190 ~Mounting Vague Assumptions Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but still, I wouldn’t be getting fucked as much as the Capitol, right? I would have said something, but I spoke damn early. That’s how I am right now. Oh, the tiniest thing will get me off. Or the biggest (boobs), even the tightest, hmm.

Mounting up upon a New Year or not? Take, for example, the books I’ve been reading. I finished “The Island,” which had nothing but a kiss. Chris Dietzel’s “A Different Alchemy” won’t be a tremendous orgy. Amazon recommended “Breasteses” this morning as if worried ha. Mound in my sweatpants and everything, but I wanted to talk to you. Okay, I’m lying. If the internet was working correctly, I would be stealing Love Wolf Vids from Xvideos. The next big thing with my monster. Creatures and girls. Is that my new fetish? I mean, um, tentacles. Mouthful of wrong, Dirty Diana? I’m looking at demons and things from horror stories. I should get back to reading about Succubi. If it’s not that, I’ve been into blondes lately. Kenna James in Peeping Tom, Madison Minx in Kiss This. Forgetting Milf Dos, Cherry…

Vagrants in my Spank Bank. Of course, as the song goes, “pretty, pretty girls.” Wasn’t I crowing yesterday about finding that blonde from Pinterest? I still got no luck finding the rest of her collection. Not the time for love, but someday, a girl will give me a clean slate. “Vagabonds believe the very best,” don’t we, to sing a song. Focus on the words coming out of my lips, not the lips I want to sink my cock into. As I said, Pinterest sees it, and with all these fights around us, SIGH. Um, I said what to M. Anime last night in wanting? “Vagina” pussy, my as well scream it out as if I were Peggy Hill. One anime character I don’t want to fuck. Hell, that will keep me grounded for a few minutes more. Yes, and the thought of feet. I’ll never get that fetish ever.

Asshole, some people will call me, but I’ve heard worse. Do you want to know a secret, Dirty Diana? Never been in one, well, not my dick anyway. This month, something to shoot for if I’m keeping up with my New Year’s Resolutions these days. Already spending my stimulus surviving. Sex… MOUnting VAGue ASSumptions Will.

I Will Have No Fear