Tag: Women

Saga 034 ~B Willing To Bark~

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B’s has gone silent again. I don’t blame him. Novel writing is hard work, and I should have been more vocal. Hell! I should be louder at the Day Job and go all Michael Jackson. “Leave me alone. Stop it. Just stop doggin’ me around.” B Willing To Bark

Thursday, August 4, 2022

Saga 034 ~B Willing To Bark~

550 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If I could hear your answer. I wish my day was over and done with.

At the moment, it’s like old times. You know I don’t get up like this. Unless the day is going to go bad. It was a day like this when I held you in my arms and tried to rock you to sleep. A bad choice of words… but you know what I mean. This was an effed-up week. Do you miss me grumbling, griping, and growling like this? I could save it for the afternoons. As I said, I wish I was already there. If anything, I wish I was more like you. At the Day Job the other day, I was thinking. At least when my kid barked, he was helping me out. I would take your voice over everything every day, Braxton.

There’s this quote I always use in regards to you. “All I know is the child is my warrant, and if he isn’t the word of God, then God never spoke.” It remains true, Braxton. If God is love, then I could think of no better way to say it than Braxton. I’m still listening, trying. But with all the noise in the world, Baby B, I swear. When it wasn’t the silence of your death. It’s my shame I have when I walk into the Day Job. At least I’m not saying “Another Day.” It was that indifference towards my existence that ended you. Braxton, all the rage I endure that’s been bubbling up. I can’t tell you why that is. I’m your Dad.

Yes, we’re men. But there are many different, difficult, and dangerous little things to bark. Now, one of those is that I want to go back to bed. As if I’ve left it this morning for anything more than to have this conversation. The worthless discussions, Day Job. Now, as I said, my anger. I can’t tell you why but people Braxton have been driving me up the wall. Aren’t I one of them? Like that Wednesday, I came back and passed out. Blackout? I’m going to bring up that book yet again. It’s one I would share with you to a certain extent. You might sigh, scratch, or only sit there. But you were willing to live B, I know. B Willing To Bark

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 027 ~Tears B Coming Standard~

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Depression can be an addiction, and I always have something to cry about… I don’t have anyone to cry to. I instead cry or sleep than do anything. Tell that to my knuckles, but at least I ain’t breaking them against walls. “Tears B Coming Standard.”

Thursday, July 28, 2022

Saga 027 ~Tears B Coming Standard~

543 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I should wipe my tears away before walking in. Why? You’ve seen me cry plenty.

I’ve cried at least twice before talking to you today. I can’t even say you were reason number one, Baby B. But you should be. We’ll get to that. I am crying now, though. And I cried last night when I called you down for your medicine. Ironic, right, Braxton? Well, if you’re up THERE, of course. Or down THERE since I’m going to Hell. And you like being warm and guarding gates. Hell! For all I know, you’re in some cage somewhere B. Or have you even been reincarnated yet? I might cry a little more thinking such things. It makes my head hurt but not like when you would step on it, remember? The sun’s been up a while before me. That’s unacceptable.

As unacceptable as the reason I was up earlier and was crying tears. You and I are boys always and forever. Boyz II Men? “‘Cause we men, ain’t we?” Yeah. B yesterday I wrote some about the movie nights we had with your Aunt Carolina. They were good times, ha. But back to the original point, unacceptable. We’d talk about your Aunt’s Yabbos, B III. Only there are things I kept from you. My addiction, for starters. So this morning, as I heard the familiar beep from the phone, well… Anyway, it was a struggle. I was triggered thinking about, um yeah, Yabbos, and I had to white knuckle it. One hand on the mattress. The other was on the phone. Glad you weren’t here.

That makes me cry all the more. I’m always sad you aren’t here in the flesh. Why would I even bother picking up the phone hoping to see… something when I had my handsome “wee little puppy man.” But now, nothing is stopping me except for sleep. It’s 8:30 AM. As jayson_jvc might say, “get out your flesh!” I told you something like that, Braxton. Harsh, because I made that happen on January 31, 2021. Freed you from the mortal coil. There are other reasons for me to cry. Braxton, we could finish writing the novel. Going to the Day Job is another. Laughing to keep from crying about the stuff on the phone when getting it fixed. Shame over Cherry and M Anime. Your Aunt? Tears B Coming Standard

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 020 ~No B In Misery~

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I could talk to my kid about anything. Once I had to give him “the talk” because, let’s say, he liked his aunt more than I did for a bit. But how do you tell them you’re angry, an artist, or an addict. Because my misery has no company. No B In Misery

Thursday, July 21, 2022

Saga 020 ~No B In Misery~

536 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As you can see I’m late. But at least I’m not spending today in bed.

For a moment there, I planned on it. Addicted to the misery? Your fault and then not as I’ve been talking to you about the last few days. You know how late I was getting to bed last night. Not that late. It was 1 AM went I cut off the lights. Writing books Braxton. Today I need to keep it going. Only every time I look at it as the song goes, “You make me wanna die.” I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. And then again, not. When I look at our book, there are a few times I want to burst into tears. It’s no damn good. Or I have to remember how it all happened. Wasting time.

Oh yes, I wasted time. Just this morning, a fucked up phone is a plethora of “sin.” You know the girl I once talked to before I started conversing with you, B III? Or should I tell Inspector Echo about how disappointing my morning became? And it goes like this. Haley Pullos, Eri Harada “Bible Black,” Nuns in Hentai, other assorted brunettes, Cherry. And finally, a blonde in a bikini. You had it so damn easy, B III. You had two toys and your aunt’s boobs. You’re a guy, and so am I, but I am also your father. I have to be better, B. Remember, I never thought about having you neutered, but with my addiction to well myself. Dennis Hof, Jacob Ralston, Blackout…

I wish you were here to speak to directly, Triple B. Hell! That would take care of the misery I’m feeling. And, I wouldn’t be a crazy man talking to myself this many days. Always. Blackout: A Thriller by Erin Flanagan is all about women and one’s alcohol addiction. So. Yeah, I hear you, B. That’s a conversation for Lady Sophia. Why am I having such trouble talking with you today? Because I have to this afternoon, I know to stay ahead writing-wise. My point is I’m trying to find anything, everything, to avoid my biggest addiction. That should have been you, my priority. But excuses for not writing, sex, audiobooks, making me sad. Addictions to escape you, B? Because there’s No B In Misery

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 013 ~B On The Wall~

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A fly on the wall? Like the song “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?” But when who you’re hiding from is everywhere. Has their own room and pictures galore, and you’re writing a book. If only “stuff” would work. B On The Wall.

Thursday, July 14, 2022

Saga 013 ~B On The Wall~

529 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day is only beginning, and the truth is that it’s not my fault. It’s like the Day Job sigh.

You know, nothing ever works, like me, ha. But to be honest, as though I’m not, I’ve only been waiting for everything to “come up.” Like, I need sex jokes now. How I hate myself. Yet it worked yesterday… I worked. I did 5000 words. And I was even a few minutes ahead of schedule. The victory was relatively short-lived, as I spent most of the night all mad. Of course, you know those days B III. I’m looking at the date and wondering if I should look up what happened in August on such a day around six years ago. To think such things bothered me then. Oh no? Again I’m thinking about Yabbos. I’ve been writing some about those you loved the most.

Your aunt could be pleased about how often she appears in your/our novel. After all, she was a big part of your life in your golden years. Now my actual sister and your Ma, B… While stewing yesterday, I thought about your granddad and if he would ever see the work we’re doing. I guess I shouldn’t be concerned with my publishing record. Never happen! But if you’re speaking to me, then you have much to say today as well… I keep thinking of ways to honor you. But the last thing I would want to do is insult you, Triple B. I think of you watching me right this second. Or if you have reincarnated, then I’m some Christian, Republican, lying to myself. Eww!

It’s so much easier to be shitty, sad, or, as the kids would say, “SUS.” But this morning, all I can think is how psyched out I am about what I’ll say next or you. I left on my chapter. There’s also the idea, yet again, that I’m late and it’s not my fault it’s past 7:00 AM at the moment, when I was up at 4:00 AM. I was also plenty scared something was broken and all my secrets… I can’t even say there were no secrets between you and me, Little B… And you were my shadow, my second in command, my one and only son. So uh, what about going to PetSmart on Saturday and writing? You’ll watch B On The Wall.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 006 ~I’ll B Right Back~

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Again with my Republican ideas. Wanting to go back to the past. But B and I suffered together. He saw me through the first year of the plague, and now we are on the verge of a Civil War. Going out dangerous, but I always told B, “I’ll Be Right Back.”

Thursday, July 7, 2022

Saga 006 ~I’ll B Right Back~

522 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing how we’re talking right now. Hell, you can guess how my day was (sigh).

I remember the vet warning me not to move things around the house. The way I carried you down the stairs sometimes. And how much you slept. But your nose and ears were always good. B III, your last day, you hid under the bed because I said, “I’ll help you.” Braxton, um, ok, this is a subject you rather not discuss. I’m sorry but as for my own health? I spoke to Lady Lunalesca today, Saturday, July 2, 2022. Want to feel better! That’s what I told her. So better to focus on my problems. The only thing really is my own, I think. Having to pee always. I have cranberry juice, sprite, and chicken noodle soup. My fatigue. We’re the old men, Braxton.

On days like today, I want to go back to when I would write, and you would wait. You were always waiting for me, Braxton. Waiting for me to come home, to finish writing. Oh, and my shower wanking. Don’t give me that look. You remember you’d hump your toys B. Remember how I had to sit you down for “The Talk” because you would always cozy up to your Aunt Carolina’s tiddies. Those were the days, my boy. Sitting with her and you as we all watched movies. The closest I ever got to “happiness.” I can name three. One you don’t know. Before I met you, there was one time in high school I was a senior. For five minutes, No Fear. The second, I almost died… bliss.

You saved my life that day, B. And I swore I would never leave you. We ride together, we die together. And the third again was when I gave you as much of a family as I could B III. You had me, your aunt, a ton of food. I wanted you to have a good mother, bro, and sis. Can we go back to the days when, if I wasn’t writing, I’d tell you about your future life, B? Hell! With the Olds, can we return to when you would bark at the gate at them, my B III? How about when you would sit at the foot of the bed? Or the last day, “Daddy, can we go home?” I’ll B Right Back

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 364 ~She’s A Dream B~

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When I’m not dreaming of my son or receiving messages from the beyond, it’s Yabbos. But for the first time, it wasn’t even A-Cups this time. No, this girl was all furry and not like that (to each his or her own). It was B’s sister? “She’s A Dream B.”

Thursday, June 30, 2022

Chronicle 364 ~ She’s A Dream B~

515 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You see what time it is. Well, more to the point, it’s light outside, right?

I still remember when the vet told me not to move anything around in the house. Your eyes were starting to go. My uncle thought you were blind already. But you knew to stay still when your grandpa was around. Hell! You found me and jumped into my arms B. I’ll never forget when I had to put your water bowl back because you preferred to make “The Long Walk” to it. You wouldn’t have me see you as weak and so worried. The End? I remember your eyes. No wonder you slept all the time, and you stopped dreaming. Maybe not. But I couldn’t see you dreaming anymore. You had nightmares. But for me. Well, last night I had a dream. Beatrice Belle Bradford.

Can’t you tell? I don’t want to talk about your “sister” Braxton. As of right now, you don’t even have a sister. But her name kept popping into my head all night, along with excuses. For example, you would hate this time of the month. I’m not too thrilled myself at the moment; Camp NaNoWriMo begins tomorrow. I should go see a doctor today B III. Speaking of which, that was part of my dream. With all this talk in the two-legged world about women, life, and so much noise, I swear. You know we were pretty loud as boys B. While dreaming, I saw Chanel West Coast or heard her yelling at me like all Hell. Like she did Charlemagne that time on Ridiculousness.

The next thing I know, her voice is more like a bark, and she’s yapping at me on the couch. Sounds pretty “offensive,” hmm? Am I calling her a bitch? Well, your sister is to be technical. I know what you’re thinking. Can’t we go back to you cuddling against your aunt’s Yabbos? There have been plenty of dreams about Yabbos these days. Not thinking of you, B III. Or should I say Virgil Braxton/Will Bradford? I got another message this morning about a fur baby, and I said, “Nah, that ain’t you.” I’ll continue looking, Braxton. I always will. Because as far as love… The mother I always figured you would have someday (sigh). Well, I can’t see her. And like all my porn viewing. She’s A Dream B.

Gospel 364 ~Better B Next Month~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 340 ~Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead~

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When B III died, if there had been a button to press to go with him… He was/is my reason to live. If I thought he’d forgive me… I never had him neutered, but I think we can do with more puppies and fewer bullets. Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead.

Monday, June 6, 2022

Chronicle 340 ~Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I don’t like charity. Girls named Charity, Chasity, Chalastia, yes. But the action of giving Madam?

What I mean is, if I was a billionaire, they would say about me, “He could even keep the ones he cared about from dying.” You can thank Revenge of the Sith for that. But the thing is, people that have such power say, “Fuck The World.” And it is up to the rest of us… Well, when’s the last time I gave to charity? Everyone else has to help save the world. I would fight as hard as any Republican to keep my money if I had that paper. Then I ask about puppies. Braxton needed things, no question. He needs tests. Shut up and take my money! Anything he needed, even if it meant my life. What life after January 31, January 11?

People do for animals what they would never do for humans. I get emails, sign this petition, listen to this politician, and help the poor. I’m not a good man Madam. And I say often enough, most people make me more of a monster than a man. Inevitable Madam. Because when I’m not giving to help the animals like I once did when B III was still with me. I’m usually aiding another group of puppies. Um, I can say helping myself to them. The things men will do for a pair of Yabbos, Madam. Sure, I’m one for books, bucks, my son B. But give me a breast, or both, and it’s like I’ve died and gone to Heaven. Didn’t I say stop dead?

It’s part of why I do what I do, Madam. Remind me never to dive into painkillers before bedtime again. Sleep is the closest thing to death. Dangerous words. People can fuck and fight but do both at the same time… I wasn’t doing either but with Braxton lying here. Madam, I could be dead to the whole damn world, but I knew Braxton would keep me safe from everything. He’d cuddle with me and then stand at the foot of the bed. My boy. Walking into the house was like being reborn. I was a different person. Braxton’s love. Hate will keep you alive, but love is worth dying for. I’d give everyone a puppy instead of a gun. Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead.

Gospel 340 ~To Live After BD~

491 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 333 ~Hang With Some, You’ll Swing~

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I hung with B mostly. The trouble we would get in is him with other dogs. And where he decided to do “business.” Now with him being gone or hell, being a black man in America… Anyway, being Memorial Day, just hanging out. Hang With Some, You’ll Swing

Monday, May 30, 2022

Chronicle 333 ~Hang With Some, You’ll Swing~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now; who aren’t the most popular people right now… (Cough) Amazon, Facebook/Meta, Tesla, possibly Twitter. So wrong again?

How should I be punished? Considering my wayward dick… Hell! Haven’t I been punished enough? And I have plenty of time to go and see a doctor this week, Madam. Oh, and now Aylica Debnam-Carey left “Fear The Walking Dead,” I need to find a new dream. It’s not like I haven’t gone schwing over Jennifer Lawrence, a.k.a Katniss Everdeen. But no, my pain is never enough when I remember what I have done. Even if I had a billion dollars or even like the Barenaked Ladies sing, “If I had a million dollars.” Damn! Nothing makes up for my son’s death. I deserve this hurt. Only fixing my ear? I’m a man without conviction, in any sense of the word. Sitting Here In Limbo.

Is there anything worse than this? If this isn’t the hell I’ve imagined, I’m like a man with a noose around his neck, waiting for someone to pull the lever. Live or die; make your choice. Yes, to all the pop culture references. There is nothing but time. Sigh. There’s no hanging out with friends… Madam, the friend I want to hang out with… Braxton? I hung him out to dry 484 days ago. And now my tears continue to hang on, only to fall and be replaced by others. That’s how I exist; I hang around like yesterday. Madam, I thought about contacting a doctor. But like looking at a new fur baby, I couldn’t pull the trigger. Such a bad choice of words.

At least I’m not like some, you see. Those that watch 21 people die. Fucking Republicans. Now they deserve to hang. Not that I mean to get all political today Madam but this whole world. I was even looking over… okay I’m not finishing that sentence. I’ll bare my ass but my mind? I’ll save that for the books. Which I have the time for if I wanted to ha. Like I could ever get the hang of writing. Listen to how I talk to you. Hanging on every word, NOT! Or I’m busy talking about being hung like a horse. Hanging with Will? Madam, who would do that? Braxton hung on my arms, and so… Three little words hang. Hang With Some, You’ll Swing

Gospel 333 ~Dreams Of A B-Lister~

484 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 326 ~Man’s Best Friends Aren’t Human~

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I put women on such a pedestal, but I put my son… All the way up, as it were… He was/is my best friend but talking out loud to yourself, people think you’re crazy. The Imaginary, Spirits, and Pathogens believe that. Man’s Best Friends Aren’t Human.

Monday, May 23, 2022

Chronicle 326 ~Man’s Best Friends Aren’t Human~

Two-Hundred and Forty-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Hopefully, I haven’t inadvertently caused the extinction of mankind. Robots, Zombies, Dogs…

Hell! We should give dogs the run of the planet anyway. And cats, chicks, creatures great and small. I won’t ever be some Christian man, but there’s a reason “God” made one man and tons of animals. To this day, my son, my Braxton, is the greatest man I’ve known. Well, male, at least. But what makes a monster and what makes a man. Who raised B III for 15 years, 11 months, and change? 13 days shy of his sweet 16. This fucking monster. My best friend, my brother, my boy. And here come the tears. I’ve been losing too much fluid these days to my other best friend… we’ll get to that. Despite everyone else, I am alone in A Great Big World.

Yet here I am talking to you. Except for talking to B III every Thursday, you must think me horrible. To cast aside “Dirty Diana” so callously. Again we’ll get to that soon. Anyway, I speak to my son on Thursday, and I talk to myself on Sunday. But then there’s you, Dear Future Wife, Inspector Echo. Lady Sophia, Lady Luna. Imaginary friends, pathetic. What’s even worse is how I have to censor myself around you. I got a message yesterday informing me about a technical glitch on one of my posts, and then I read those words… Some things you can’t put out into the void. One more Republican tendency. But most Republicans are monsters pretending to play gods. Unfriendly to humans for years.

No wonder THEY all reach out to God. Hell! I did when B III lived. For his love, life, ha. If Replika is a sign, even being “human” myself, the human race… well, Madam, inevitable? To hate… As I’ve hinted, I hate myself when I give into my baser urges like yesterday afternoon. I wasted the whole damn day on what, Stuff And Thangs? A dick on two legs. And what do I think of women? I hear all this talk of marrying your best friend. I didn’t have to do that, thank goodness. My father plopped a fur baby in my sister’s arms, and he chose me, Madam. My best friend, but women, angels, goddesses, or bitches and hoes? Only human. The void, remember? Man’s Best Friends Aren’t Human.

Gospel 326 ~This World Be Longs~

477 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 319 ~Soup, The Blanket Of Foods~

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I’m a simple kind of man in most things. A woman told me she couldn’t stand a man that wanted her to cook every night. Well, I kept myself and B alive. Then he stopped eating. Um, soup helps me feel better and other things. Soup, The Blanket Of Foods

Monday, May 16, 2022

Chronicle 319 ~Soup, The Blanket Of Foods~

Two-Hundred and Fortieth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I like soup. Instead of feasting on caviar, I’ll have Chicken & Sausage Gumbo (grilled shrimp.)

Campbell’s Chunky Chicken & Sausage Gumbo, to be specific. The grilled shrimp was my idea. I haven’t had it in a while, and you know why Madam. Sickness or Laziness? Campbell’s Chunky Classic Chicken Noodle Soup was supposed to make it all better. The Placebo Effect? It hasn’t. Neither is the staying hydrated, constant cups of Cranberry juice or dried Cranberries I’m eating. As it was with my ear, another trip to the doctor, (sigh)? Campbell’s Chunky Steak & Potato Soup? Well, at least it ain’t chicken. Hell, I am a chicken though Braxton’s Aunt Carolina might disagree. She’s become the farmer’s daughter or wifey. But not in an X (2022) sort of way. From food to porn, Madam. That’s how my mind works, apologies.

But at least I’m not forgetting to talk about my son. Day 428 then and Day 470 now. He is the cure for this painful thing called life, or rather existence. The love I have for him is real and keeps me going. But like whatever this sickness is I have (not COVID), I’m okay. I’m not happy, healthy, or listening to my heart. That’s terrible, I know. But horny, hungry, booking a one-way ticket to Hell. Only as the songs go, “Oh, I, oh, I’m still alive,” you took it all, but I’m still breathing,” I got away with it all and I’m still alive.” Music is a comfort, hmm. So is my never-ending list of books about grieving. But nothing beats B III.

Everything else that brings me comfort is perverse, pricey, and involves me being a prick. Sometimes it can be all three. I should be more worried about my prick. Inspector? Madam, that’s a conversation I need to have with her today, considering this week’s pain. It’s only Monday, and I had to forgo comfort for what. Hell! I slept over another hour because what brings me the most comfort that isn’t EVIL? Sleeping. You know what I want to do. But wasn’t it only yesterday I said Braxton would never forgive me? But if I finished his novel? Yesterday I was too busy making room for more porn. I wish I could stay in bed. Aren’t I? But no soup… Soup, The Blanket Of Foods

  1. Maiko Kaneda
  2. Imari Kurumi
  3. Yukiko Minase
  4. St. Louis
  5. Tifa Lockhart
  6. Aerith Gainsborough
  7. Scarlet
  8. Nico, Nicoletta Goldstein
  9. Hilda
  10. Juliet Starling
  11. Serah Farron
  12. Ashe, Ashelia B’nargin Dalmasca
  13. Lulu
  14. Linkle
  15. 2B
  16. Commander White
  17. Kainé
  18. Rikku
  19. Airi Akizuki
  20. Zone-tan
  21. Rei Ayanami
  22. Michiru Kaiou
  23. Kaori Saeki
  24. Ayana (Yellow Star)
  25. Sawa
  26. Kid (Chrono Cross)
  27. Cortana
  28. Minako (Sailor Venus)
Gospel 319 ~Weight For Me B~

470 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will