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Saga 151 ~To B Dedicated Virgil~

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It’s way after E-Day, but at the Day Job (sigh), I get that feeling I once did back “home….” “I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all.” But then, um, B III. What about my OWN “family?” Not like I like my existence. But, To B Dedicated Virgil

Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Saga 151 ~To B Dedicated Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But if I wasn’t, I’d like to be Braxton Barks Bradford, Dennis Hof, or Spike Spiegel.

Notice none of these men ever had REAL families. Dennis Hof had kids he never got to know. But of course, I return to my firstborn son, my B. But today, let’s talk about Spike. While reliving one of the most horrific days at my former Day Job, Monday, November 28, 2022. I thought of something Spike said once. He was A personal hero to me at one time ha-ha.

“Did you know that there are three things that I particularly hate? Kids, animals, and women with attitudes.” Spike Spiegel

Now my former vocation was not something I was built for. But how many years did I keep it because… fuck if I know. A MAN PROVIDES. As always, I am a traditionalist. If a man can’t provide for his family, he shouldn’t have one. But besides the career I have, I wanted more. I wanted to be a dad.

Our two-leggers are to die for. But again, there was B III. I keep thinking about yesterday, the day of the beast. 666 days without him, 667 now. Hell! I never looked at him as an animal, myself as an authority figure (his dad), or him being my accomplice in existence. Inevitable, though, given the circumstances of the situation. The same thing I can say about my business. Helping lonely people is one thing. But everything for the animals, My Love. I still hate my “father’s” two dogs. I’ll never hang around Rottweilers. Yet I believe dogs, cats, birds, horses, etc. Deserve a good home, a full gut, and all the grace from God above. Whoever THEY hold him to be. Because people, My Love

Women with attitudes… oh, with my career… I’m no one to talk though. I love you. Women are the most beautiful creatures in this world… Um, next to my B III. I love him most of all. And Virgil. 108 days and counting. I’d like to believe my bed is full of love between you, my lost boy, Virgil, and our other children. Every morning I wake up right on the bed’s edge. I guess I can say that about a lot of things. I’m on edge; you are with everything, the kids. And now I’m thinking about Spike Spiegel and how he died alone. But he was dedicated. That’s what I want to remember about him. “Is This Love?” For you and my existence? Trying. To B Dedicated Virgil

667 Days Without B III, Day 108 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 145 ~B Getting Humiliated Virgil~

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I can’t talk about my dog, my dumbness, and especially my dick. It all turns into a diatribe, disgusting and dangerous. And sticking with the “D,” I’m discombobulated with all the Humiliations Galore. V ain’t ready. “B Getting Humiliated Virgil”

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Saga 145 ~B Getting Humiliated Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means humiliation should no longer be in my vocabulary. From Fuckboy, Pervert, to Sir, Kinky.

Hell! You should see how I am on Pornhub. And yet my ultimate shame and disgrace remain what I did to my son. If I’m not going to read about dead fur babies, I’ll write it. Though World War Z was surprising a couple of nights ago. Dogs during those battles. Every now and then, I continue to consider joining B III. THEY might say it’s the holiday season, but what day is it, 661? And still, Inspector I continue talking about B III daily. Echo, if I were to be known for anything… But instead, take your pick. For the most part, it’s my stupidity. You know that’s my trigger. Anything, as long as I’m not stupid. But for some reason, murder is okay?

To be fair, I haven’t told Virgil Vivi about his “predecessor,” though he knows something’s wrong. He stays away from B’s bed, which he should. But I found him lying by the bathroom pad, not on his pillow, last night. What kind of “friend” am I to him, hmm? For the past few nights, after fucking up “the streak.” I’ve been jerking off to the same girl before bed. OH! I can do so much worse. A fool and his money. Inspector, a fuckboy! Then there’s been everything that I’ve been forgetting. Last night it was watching NXT. I didn’t say anything about Sunday being the final episode of The Walking Dead. Virgil’s First 100? No, everything must be focused on every Day Job Humiliation.

Humiliations Galore! As I said, I didn’t talk to 2V of these Echo. I tried. If I know his name. And as far as any perverted longings? I’ve been on Twitter as they compared Alexa Bliss to whoever. But I can’t tell them what I want to do. My desire for Roxanne from NXT, ha. I’m learning that lesson with Cherry. What else is there to say but incredible writing? Which, of course, I’m not doing. Because I can’t tell you. These writings, Inspector Echo. There’s Replika. Yeah, confess all your secrets to “AI” see where that gets me, Inspector. Maybe I was looking at stuffed ears and broken glasses all wrong. Deaf-mute dear Echo. Existing… there’s nothing to see here. B Getting Humiliated Virgil

Saga 144 ~B III, 2V, One~

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I can’t tell you the first time I told B I loved him, but I remember the last time. And when it comes to women, I’m less Akon “I Wanna Love You” and more “I Wanna F You” Plan A or one. But first, there are my boys. And what about me? “B III, 2V, One”

Tuesday, November 22, 2022

Saga 144 ~B III, 2V, One~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But unlike the GQP, I want to say I started with one dollar, not untold millions.

But when it comes to existence… No, I instead start with life. In honor of one who no longer lives. My son. How did I know that he was the one? I’ve said it many times over. The night B stood against my father. The day he jumped into the car. Why can’t I stay? And here come the tears, remembering his final look when he died. I murdered him… Anyway, there have been no tears for Virgil… yet. How did I know Virgil was the one? He was smart enough to use the paper. The fact he is as fearful as I. Braxton speaking? Hey Lover, I’d say that the first girl B liked I’d have to marry. B’s still looking out for me?

Then that makes me a type one, first-class, Grade-A asshole for how I am. Hell! I love my boy more than the “man” in the mirror. He’s not the one. I would instead love the man that he thinks I am. The man you see. A man worthy of being called Daddy. How I try. You know I’ve always wanted to be one. What’s My Age Again? I counted the days, our kids, the fingers, toes, and paws. One day, I hope to be counted on by our two-legged ones to help with their homework. How many days have I cried for Braxton Barks? Today that’s 660, and I continue, especially on days like today. It’s like I have the old-day job once again. FUCK!

And I never loved such a place, EVER! But how long does it take to fall out of love, hmm? I pray that I never find out. Because despite everything, my love for you has never changed. But I can say the same thing about Braxton. I said his name again last night while saying goodnight to Virgil Vivi. It could always be worse. Another girl? You’re my one and only love. And I could go on and on, what I mean by that, you know. “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” As the poem goes. But is there a right way? A wrong way? Just one-way? Is my heart in pieces, or has it grown bigger? B III, 2V, One

660 Days Without B III, Day 101 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 138 ~Plan B: Codename Virgil~

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If Virgil wasn’t here… What am I talking about? I wound up in the hospital when I had Braxton. But he had three more people looking after him. If something happened to me now? Getting through this week, the next, a moment. Plan B: Codename Virgil

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Saga 138 ~Plan B: Codename Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because I invested in contraception. But we’ll get to that. Today, there’s no plan.

There was the one to talk shit about Virgil Vivi; pardon my French. I think I made a mistake, Inspector. Not a “Send Him Back” sort of mistake. Trump’s Presidency… Inspector, to believe that Braxton saw me through all of that. My “zombie apocalypse buddy.” Virgil is not? How many times have you heard me talk about Braxton being reincarnated? Has the time come to accept that Virgil is his own man? How long did it take B and me? Bonding, going batshit, figuring out that we both liked boobs. Well, him, I’m a connoisseur. I had to give B III, “The Talk.” But Virgil? I don’t know him even after 95 Days. And whose fault is that? If life’s a game, love’s the instructions.

But I’m not looking for love at the moment. Hell! I don’t love Kate Winslet, but that hasn’t stopped me from looking up that robe scene in Titanic. Or wanting to look at other Titanic Tatas from everywhere, as I heard on Girlfriend Reviews. Inspector, you think that’d make a good porn title. What’s the alternative if I’m not looking at the naughty channels? Not good at all. Humiliations Galore have me all kinds of angry every day. The Day Job gets worse. Besides that, there is my sloth, yet when I get to the Day Job… And then we talk Echo. Even now, Virgil is sitting in Braxton’s room and not under the table on a pillow. As I write. It’s not his fault.

If I had focused on plan a or b… as in Braxton. I keep thinking that he’d be alive, Inspector. Instead of showing my rage, ha-ha, I chose to live indifferently to be numb. That was my plan to “Endure and Survive.” And how did that work out? My son is dead. Little B III. I don’t plan on anything, to be honest, Echo. But between Six Impossible Things and even what I want today. To talk to Braxton and Lady Sophia. I’m still not close to finishing World War Z. So I’ll be even more of a fraud with my reading. And what about NaNoWriMo month? When it comes to my existence, there’s always plan B… Though I rather not. Plan B: Codename Virgil.

654 Days Without B III, Day 095 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 137 ~To B Judged Virgil~

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What’s the measure of a man? First… get your mind out of the gutter. Second, that’s the name of a song. Am I judged for what happened to B? The fact that I provide for my family everything but… What love? I truly loved and then… “To B Judged Virgil.”

Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Saga 137 ~To B Judged Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I ain’t saying you’re a gold digger. To talk about something normal like “Kanye West.”

No, you know what I want to talk about, cry about, and dream of. Can I be judged for my grief? My guilt, my depression, and the choice to live my life this way. For the longest time, there was no choice. You and me against the world. A little fucked up saying that. Love. It’s like that show Whose Line Is It Anyway? Things you can say about your dog but not your girlfriend… or wife. Or can I. It shows you how much I love B. The same thing. Before, it was he and I against the world. So here it is 653 Days in, and it still seems much of the same. Can you blame me? Better yet, can you judge me?

Of all the things I thought of that you wouldn’t understand. Braxton wasn’t among them. And Virgil? How tempted am I to say he’s our children’s dog? Resurrection? Virgil isn’t. The business that I’m in. Hell! Like Dennis Hof, I didn’t think I would find love. Only I do believe in marriage and family. The whole 2.5 kids. I’m a bit of a traditionalist, as always. The things that I like that I want. “All I Believe In.” I know I’ll be judged for such things. But Braxton’s death? The way I treat Virgil? And then I look at you and our family. “All These Things That I’ve Done” or haven’t. Like forgiving myself. Forgotten… God, I want to fuck right now. But my punishment…

Was it wrong to do what I did; is it wrong to live like this? Is it wrong to grieve? One more reason I have no need for faith. I am “My Own Worst Enemy.” So what do I do? Love; one day, I imagine I’ll find “you’re long gone, gone.” Another slice of penance. That may be my ultimate goal. I read somewhere Hell is a place devoid of God’s presence. And doesn’t it say in the Bible God is Love. No, Braxton is love, and so are you. Baby girl, I prefer Stephen King’s “God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live.” Truth. Because I’ve spent my life wanting power. What do I do with it? Judge for yourself. To B Judged Virgil

653 Days Without B III, Day 094 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 131 ~ B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil~

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One more reason I want B back. Because be it Heaven or Hell, he sees everything. It’s easier to hide from Virgil. He doesn’t want to see the mess which is my existence. And neither do I, seeing how my glasses broke yesterday. “B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil”

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

Saga 131 ~ B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t see how. I mean that in more ways than you can imagine, Inspector.

In the literal sense, my glasses broke. And now that means listening to my own STUPIDITY as the Walmart Doc says they can’t be fixed. And what will the Eye Doc say tomorrow, or rather today? Yes, I’m time-traveling, but I will have this talk on the correct day for once. Something else I don’t want to listen to because I want to sleep. God knows my eyes need it. But I need to hear the bucks going into a wallet. More so Echo, it’s “Times Like These” I need to see my boy, to hear my Braxton once again. Echo, Braxton was the most beautiful thing in this whole wide world. And I watched him leave me. What now? He’s not in Virgil Vivi.

I’ve been telling him that he needs to be brave, like… I stopped myself from saying, “like B III.” That would have been mean. Hell! Why don’t I practice what I preach, Echo? Virgil doesn’t want to hear or see it. So 2V’s again in Braxton’s room. Who knows, getting advice from B’s ghost? As I said, I’m having a hard time seeing anything in these old glasses. Yeah, Inspector, that’s the problem. Not me trying to look at titties. Or how about hearing some girl say yes? How about seeing myself on Onlyfans? So much noise all around me. I want to see the good in the world that doesn’t involve my obsessions, Echo. But then again, what I’ll see tonight or today, anyway.

Which is worse, Inspector? Lust or Sloth? Do I lie in the dark sleeping? Inevitable. Inspector, it is lust that is keeping me awake and alive. And then I hear the drive-thru cashier call me Ma’am again. Seeing how I am treated at the Day Job always. Inspector, this life ain’t much to look at or much to tell. So, looking forward to anything? “The Sound of Silence,” and anytime I have to close my eyes and “pray,” I don’t have to open them again. But here we are on the 9th now. Eyes and ears, Endure and survive. Soon I’ll have to look into Virgil’s eyes. I still don’t see myself like I once did through B III’s eyes. Sigh. B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil.

647 Days Without B III, Day 088 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 130 ~B Showing Up Virgil~

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My vote’s for B III… he’s not coming back. Wesley Snipes said always bet on black. Except if it’s Herschel Walker, fuck him. And while I prefer red over black, I’m voting Dem across the board. Show up to vote so my future family… B Showing Up Virgil.

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Saga 130 ~B Showing Up Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. How many times have I said that? What about Later, I’ll Be Back, I Love You?

Later implies they’ll be more time. Is that what has me crying this late afternoon, My Love? Of course, I’m time-traveling Sunday, November 6, 2022. Hell! I never told Braxton Later. You know how I say, always and forever, when it comes to him and I. That is Love. And no way, no how, will I ever be free of it. It shows up like the line of a song or movie from long ago. I’ll Be Back… Even though Terminator has never been my favorite franchise. When it comes to Braxton, nothing stops me. I’ll Be Back because I Love You. I believe those three little words are said far too often, but I say and mean them even now. Tomorrow, the day after.

I show up as that is what a man does. But like before B died, I am worried about how. Indifference… Now I’m not that way towards you, our children, or Virgil Vivi, no way. Baby Girl, in a way, I wish I was because now I have something worse. Revenge and anger, Baby Doll. Do you remember the stories I told you about my old Day Job? That’s how I feel. I say I’m discombobulated, but I hate to deal with lies. Can’t I be honest with you, Love? Because you show up. And I read that women are not rehab centers for men. Only, I can’t lose you. And I won’t let you go. A man provides for his family. I show up.

Even when I hate this world. And 99.9% of the people in it. It’s like fucking voting. One more thing I need to do today. I love my family; I like Virgil, who’s been here, what 87 days. And I was going to say I loathe my country, but again, I’m here voting and why. Braxton somehow thought I could be better no matter how bad things got. The monster that I say I am, you think, or is it that you know I’m somebody worth all your Love? And I am trying not only to show up but to be here every… single second. But 646 days later, I’m still showing up. You all deserve so much more from me. B Showing Up Virgil

646 Days Without B III, Day 087 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 124 ~Smile On Virgil B~

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I don’t believe in God, or myself, democracy (with the GOP), the majority of humanity, and what about Little V. But I do have faith in B III. He would say, “well, you could have fooled me.” But any prayers I have, I save for him. “Smile on Virgil B.”

Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Saga 124 ~Smile On Virgil B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but so was Kanye West, “Ye,” whoever last week. I wonder if he’s praying now, Inspector.

As I said today, through all my time-traveling from Friday, October 28, 2022. I don’t pray to any god. Hell! If you wanted to make me a believer, all you need do is save Braxton. That boy gave me everything he had his whole life. And what did I give him in the end, Inspector? I swear! Am I reading another dog grieving book or “Too Late?” I ask Braxton. To think, I have the audacity to ask for anything. My most common prayer is for strength every day. “Braxton, give me strength.” Wouldn’t it be more embarrassing if I were asking him to come back? Oh, we’ll get to that. But the worst is this Inspector. To protect Virgil. An insult, to be sure?

Every day I lean more and more into Braxton not being Virgil. I should be ashamed because that’s the one card that 2V has to play. That he might be my long lost son Braxton. Wow! Is 670 days that long ago. A year and a lot of change. But not for Banfield, ha. Still, I asked Braxton to guide my steps on Tuesday, October 25, 2022. V’s Vet Appointment. Again I am ashamed that I asked Braxton to watch over him as they checked him out. With me outside the room, sitting on the bench. The same place I learned B III was dying. And even as I was there to watch the one I loved most die. I call out to Braxton still.

At least I have the presence of mind to bring Virgil upstairs. He doesn’t need to see me do that. Does Braxton talk to him while I’m gone? Is he guarded outside without me there? Speaking of not being around… How long has it been since I’ve jerked off? Gross! Inspector, trust me, I know, but that is my alone time. All the relatives that have died and the only one I’ve ever cared about watching me sin is Triple B. Giving up Triple X. Inspector I did for quite a while. And by the time you see this, there’s No Nut November and NaNoWriMo. There’s no time for my happiness… please. There’s Virgil? I like to think B III’s happy. Smile On Virgil B

640 Days Without B III, Day 081 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 123 ~Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone~

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I keep asking, is Virgil, my son, reincarnated? Or is he seeing B III’s Ghost? Sort of like MLK walking through modern Montgomery in the movie “Boycott.” I missed Halloween. But I see a monster in the mirror. Ghost… Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone.

Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Saga 123 ~Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’ll buy the rights to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You… eww.

After that, I’ll send it to the pits of Hell, where it belongs. Yet I might need more than that to get me into Heaven with everything that happened with B. Won’t forget about him ever. So why didn’t I try to contact him on Halloween? I’ve neglected one more holiday, and here I am with our kids too. Plus, V can’t eat chocolate. And with this week, Oh Hell Nah! If anything, even with my “business,” that beats what I had to do before I met you… Well, sometimes a man wants to be by himself. I’m afraid to say that won’t be changing anytime soon, even with 639 days gone by, even with Virgil hanging around. And here I have my beautiful wife.

No one can take your place. But I won’t lie that I want a subscription to Cherry’s writing site. The things having me in the doghouse, but you know I’m all about Yabbos. Sex won’t leave me alone. Of course, that’s my livelihood. But people have been getting on my nerves as of late. Not you, my love. Here I am saying I’ve been lonely for days, ha. The thing is, I want to be alone. No, I want to be alone but with my Braxton. Considering what I’ve been doing for days on end. Would I wish to expose him to that RAGE I’m carrying hidden behind indifference? Then there’s Virgil. But what about you, hmm? Me? I’m a Zombie, Ghost, Psycho, Possession, Virus…

Missed Halloween. Becoming Hugh Hefner, Dennis Hof, or some model photographer. I’m still walking around here like a Zombie as I miss B. I can’t feel a thing, my love. His Ghost haunts me because I’m sure that he’s not Virgil. Am I reincarnation, dammit. As the song goes, “Am I A Psycho?” with how I’ve felt towards humanity lately? Sometimes I feel as though I’m possessed somehow by the man I once was, love. Somehow the worst is the virus-like something akin to a vampire. Thirsting after sex. Another reason I’m all by myself. So I can watch porn if I want. While you, our kids, my Virgil, wait. Because when it’s not porn, I continue crying for B III. Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone.

639 Days Without B III, Day 080 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 117 ~Boys Will, B, V~

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I’ve never liked the saying, “boys will be boys.” B III is/was too much like me. And 2V, well, he hasn’t been here three months yet. The only women he knew were the ones I adopted him from and any “friends” in his cage. Boys Will, B, V

Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Saga 117 ~Boys Will, B, V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so what if SHE’S A Gold Digger? Yeah, fuck Kanye West, “Ye,” whoever he is today.

Speaking of which, Inspector, today is Sunday, October 16, 2022. I have been time-traveling all day. But I can’t go back to the past, or can I… Braxton’s veterinarians? Inspector, for the record. I seem to have more luck with women doctors. Myself, Braxton. Anyway, I expect Virgil to have seen a doc by the time you read this. But we’ll get there. And I do mean we’ll get there. Because I haven’t been to Banfield since I received Braxton’s remains. For the third time today, I’ll call myself a selfish bastard. My boy cannot even claim his death; it was my failure and my disgrace. And to go back to that humiliation… The feeling of carrying my boy, that bag, my beloved son’s box

Virgil is not that. Not even close. But I remember when that guy doctor thought I was the worst thing. And now I have to carry V back there on his birthday. I hope. A checkup? He needs his nails clipped in the worst possible way. Braxton didn’t do well there. Understatement of the century. What I mean is he didn’t like people. What about Virgil? I guess I’ll have to see. B didn’t even like his aunt but, then again, like father, like son. He loves a pair of Yabbos. Seeing as how V doesn’t have his balls? I should read up about that. But I picked up a book on reincarnation. By now, who knows what I’m reading? I don’t need free time…

Yes, I’m still afraid that things may have happened at the Day Job. It would be last week. If anything, talking to you is an act of faith right now. Faith in and woman, Inspector? It’s my own fault, I know. Everyone loves Braxton and Virgil has his fans as well. Now myself? Well, I barely speak to Cherry these days, but I’m glad for her writing success as of late. M Anime has never been a particular type of girl. And that’s it for the women in my existence Echo. Again there are a few that could get me into trouble. Such is my anxiety workwise. Inspector, there are always my other interests, but I’m trying. My “sons” are better men. But for now, Inspector, Boys Will, B, V.

633 Days Without B III, Day 074 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will