Tag: Sleep

Episode 161 ~Baby It’s Will Outside~

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Nobody would have to coerce me into staying here, the monsters, the mayhem, the man that awaits me, hell I saw a glimpse of him, talk about going from the second circle of Hell to the ninth plus “Triple B” thinks I’m a meanie. Baby, It’s Will Outside

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Episode 161 ~Baby It’s Will Outside~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, outwit, outplay, outlast, and what wouldn’t give to stay in the house all day, despite getting a full eight hours; that’s the dream, and you would rather keep dreaming am I right? It’s a reason most of those reality shows take place on the beach, in the kitchen, or skimpy attire because who likes being cold, more to the point who likes feeling dead I ask daily?

Despite the cold, the concept of becoming a corpse, and the possibility of gaining, more likely, losing cash, nevertheless you go out and what scares you the most is not the man in the mirror but the man they see. I know how things were in the past and they don’t sound anywhere near as good as Baby It’s Cold Outside; you’re sick, frozen in fear and yet warm in cozy in sheets, in a hot shower, or with the furry kid, and the future… Even Spotify agrees you vanish in “Fearless Motivation” and yet if you had to face the man the rest of the world sees, neighbors, family, the vet’s office, not that I’m sparing you any misery either, with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

My, don’t I make becoming an ice cube, sound so much more appealing as days go by, no one is looking forward to seeing you but the Day Job and only so you can be frozen in place unloading trucks. The score didn’t move up any from last week, and even now that’s a bit of counting my chickens before they hatch because according to Goodreads I haven’t finished “Dancing In The Dark.” Hell if it wasn’t for last night, one of “B III’s” nails getting caught in his collar you would have more than enough reasons not to brave the cold of this world, and if there was a pretty girl in the mix… whoa, just Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Finish One Book Besides “Begging For It” Todd Michaels
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Besides today, of course, there is one work shift to consider; one more reason you’re frozen, tears, sweat, and other things the body excretes; what temperature does blood freeze at, that’s a type of you’re a writer and not a psycho inquiry. You’re a writer, an artist, like those who did Baby It’s Cold Outside and you can practice from anywhere because Noah knew the flood would pass, but it’s freezing in your part of the world, so you believe and Baby It’s Will Outside.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 136 ~Plague Two Pay Will~

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Well, I found my niche, but my title doesn’t reflect it sadly, not that I’ve shared the novel with anyone as of yet, is that a big sin considering I have four already written, best read in the dark, with the lights off. Plague Two Pay Will.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Episode 136 ~Plague Two Pay Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, ignore everybody else or at least that’s how Republicans look at it and that should count as a pretty big sin shouldn’t it, turning my back on the world, for this month at least. I know this is Lady Sophia’s wheelhouse, but there are days like these I remember why it’s right and okay to neglect humanity and then well Michonne:

“But the truth is the path ahead has only grown darker. It’s harder to see. You can feel so lost so alone so desperate for something, anything that might show you the way. But even now, after all this time, surrounded by darkness there are still flashes of light tiny beacons that shine out, calling to us. It’s not enough to light the way ahead, but it’s enough to keep going. Keep trying. Keep fighting. Keep dreaming.” Michonne TWD 6X09

I’m sure I’ve said on more than one occasion that I value the darkness in all its forms because I don’t want people to see, take my novel, for example, people are either in a brothel, below a beast or beneath a boulder and how’s this for irony. I want people to be blind, and at the same damn time people see these things only to call them out, so I give the people what they want, whether I want to or not, that’s my first sin. My second sin is, that while I’m making it a habit of ignoring all those people I face, here I am tonight appreciating someone who did inspire a name change of my book from “Plague Two Pay” to “Pay Two Plague” Inspector Echo.

“Look at my eyes, Faye. One of them is a fake because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I’ve been seeing the past in one eye and the present in the other. So, I thought I could only see patches of reality, never the whole picture.” Spike Spiegel

I suppose people have two eyes for a reason, two ears, then the trinity of one brain, one heart, and whatever’s going on between people’s legs these days, which is my third sin that my balls are no longer suffering for No Nut November. I think I’ve already talked about my coworker who’s having a series of trials and tribulations but is it a sin to not know what to say, hell Inspector Echo today was filled with not knowing a thing, tonight even I don’t know where my story is going, the darkness. The idea is the things that light me up, and here we go again, the glow of women, the crinkle of dollars, and a tale of blood, my impossible, immoral, illegal bouts of insanity and a lack of sleep this week.

Should I leave it at that, three sins isn’t too bad but again, idle hands. Yes I have been far from that this week but there is so much work left to me honestly, and the new world is built upon the bones of the old always and yes I feel it in my own but grateful for “B III.” Will you forgive me Inspector Echo, for being so accommodating to the masses, for practicing the art of “Doublethink” when it comes to hating people’s opinions and loving them, and for not controlling myself all the more, my sins a disease, Plague Two Pay Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 129 ~The List Will Tell~

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Over ten thousand words so far and dare I say even more fantasies or am I giving myself far too much credit because I say yes to everything and that is quite the bad habit; maybe I should list that, but instead it’s insanity. The List Will Tell.

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Episode 129 ~The List Will Tell~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, say things people want to hear, say yes, and sadly in my everyday life I have become a yes man, day job okay, going to vote… noted I would have gone anyway but I had to show proof; FEAR, of course, is always yes. How about NaNoWriMo, honestly it’s only been seven days, and I’m already sick of it, I could probably take it easy if it wasn’t for the day job but again yes to my RESEARCH, yes to being a pervert, yes to a future I won’t believe ever.

Now that’s my second sin; the first is all the times I say yes and I’m sure I’ve written about saying NO, if anything that would be better than what I’m producing right now, hell I forgot about that story I sent in and of course I didn’t win. According to my motivations, your purpose is the thing that you would do for free and hell yeah I’m doing it for free now, though I feel I could use some new pants. My third sin this week, I’m barely hanging in there when it comes to No Nut November or whatever they’re calling it, which leads me to my fourth sin, staying off the Internet.

Perhaps my greatest sin this week is my RESEARCH, I made a whole list of reasons why I should go to jail; somebody asked me what my dream was and I told them it was becoming two specific guys. Both of them better men than me for so many reasons but I’m also greedy; the Coven I created in my novel has thirteen members, and the thirteen classes of girls, and probably more twists and turns and curves, cue *Homer Drooling*. I think missing all of my sleep is my penance for all my crimes this week, but it’s never enough Inspector Echo I know that to be true, even in fiction though I’m letting something quite evil Get Free.

Do you want to see it; some names are changed or not exactly mentioned because I’m not that crazy, well not yet anyway though my story would beg to differ which is the whole point, NaNoWriMo and the day job. So Inspector Echo will you forgive me of my sins, the constant stream of yes, for once again living for a future I don’t believe in, for having far too many reasons to give into the little head, for the constant wasting of time online and the girls that made this… The List Will Tell.

1 – 3. European Photoshoots 6. The Walking Dead 10. Amateur Redheads
4. Girl From Pinterest 7 – 8. Vault Girls 11. Model Redheads
5. A Horror Movie 9. Virgin Roster 12. Rhode Island
13. A MILF

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 126 ~Will, A Motivational Tale~

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Burning the candle at both ends as it were but honestly, I choose writing, what did I hear in one of my daily motivations, the difference between I got to, and I get to and if I’m lucky I’ll live the later. “Will, A Motivational Tale.”

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Episode 126 ~Will, A Motivational Tale~

To Will:
How To Make A Million Dollars, well honestly the hardest part is waking up in the morning, remember to take the trash out, and as much order as you try to impose you’re going to bug out sometimes, literally. Yeah you’re going to have plenty of time to think about a lot of things, this time the event happened before the dream, a freaking ant invasion, talk about getting off my ass to do something, and you need to take that motivation into this week, it’s NaNoWriMo season.

I don’t know how many times I’ve mentioned that and its only day four and there is still so much writing to be done and you’re going to do it, not because I have faith, or that you love the idea of it but because that’s who you are. Why is it that tragedy is the thing that works its magic, of everything in this world, fear and horrible circumstance are what raises the dead man. Sometimes I envy my son, of course, he wakes up with his share of “concerns” but more often than you at least he wakes up with hope to get something done in this world but these Six Impossible Things

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 023 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 030 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Failed
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
Failed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Failed

Well, 17.5, no excuses, so let’s look at the positives, I’m still awake at this hour, my word count remains intact at 6,900, and if I heard them correctly at my day job, Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest are all gone, talk about some good news. You will have to be bolder at work though and the hours aren’t getting any easier but what is “Eric Thomas” always talking about you have to be willing to give up sleep, now that’s an addiction, but it surpasses porn and what’s this latest novel about again. If anything were to come of it you’d miss plenty of sleep, or at least that’s the plan but what does that make me; any closer to that million, you should probably focus on Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 030 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Write 10,200 Words For My Novel “NaNoWriMo Challenge”

Strange isn’t it to give your word to write so many more and when did NaNoWriMo become the boss of you, I swear if it isn’t novels, it’s bugs, and sooner or later it will be babes, starting up with the alliteration once again, hungry, horny, hanging in there barely. Where is hope in all of this, I would give you a quote but seriously though, keep your hands on the keyboard and see what happens, only your next novel isn’t Will, A Motivational Tale.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 097 ~Will At The Table~

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“You did not wake up to be something, something, mediocre.” That assumes I got up this morning. Maybe I’ll blame my alarm. Perhaps it’s the dog lying on my legs. It’s cold; in the house, because it’s hot out. Will At The Table but the bed works well

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Episode 097 ~Will At The Table~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars, when you don’t know how to build computers, need a picture to make the bed and do you know how long it took me to put together two bookcases and my coffee table Ay Yi Yi. So much for the week of positivity am I right, I remember someone saying The Summer of Love was more like the summer of getting your ass kicked… I know “language,” one more thing I’m not doing today, finishing Under His Heel, but you never know, isn’t that right Luna?

Isn’t that why people write out a will, I think all writers realize the inevitable, from the journalist writing his next story; to the ones that create novels, poetry, and everything else, new worlds, to the other artists and innovators, or the person that merely sees this world without themselves. My chair lies empty most days, and I wish I could tell you I was out there living, other than my daily walk with my son and continuing to break promises, giving my word, no my words find their way here, along with that one I refuse to say except on Wednesdays. Stuff that I should probably erase, things I don’t want on my tombstone, might as well call me Rick Grimes, his fate is sealed but not mine so why do I spend so much time on my back, The Walking Dead, Youtube, and Pinterest though something else got me today dear Lady Luna.

My will, if it’s ever written but that doesn’t happen without power and honestly how much does it take to walk from one room to the other, to sit up rather than lie down, hell if I treated every day like before cleaning day? To be fair that isn’t my will either, I always get things done on behalf of others, and that’s the problem, I do nothing for me, it’s called discipline and November is coming, the pressure will be on and if I can’t get started on any given day? All cards on the table; more like anything I can get my hands on, being idle, *sigh* which is one more reason today has been a waste; I shouldn’t say that though, whether I’m looking at beauty, the MILF *Homer drool*, Morgan from “FBE”, or whoever I have in my photos this moment.

No, on my table is just one more bill due, a bottle of water (the last of my health kick) and another mediocre tirade on what my life is, hell what everybody’s life is, putting food on the table so yes Will At The Table.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

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There was a time I was willing to do almost anything for a paycheck, I picked up trash over the summer, was in the Navy about a month and worse of all RETAIL, but I’m not willing to do what I love… Help Wanted Willing Writer.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars; I should, I must, and I keep telling myself I will and then I sleep a few more hours, I make another Pinterest gallery, I add another playlist to Spotify, good things come to those who pay, so I should start. That would involve getting a real job first of all, and I’ve already been over my current day job, and how many people don’t want me to have it because of my past and I’m not like them at all.

It sucks when you feel like you have the world on your shoulders, but I’m not trying to be Atlas, one more job that I don’t want to do this week, maybe I’m getting set up for tomorrow’s lists of failures. A book reviewer… well that would involve getting through another book, and I have so many on my plate as is, and what I’m reading now “Under His Heel” by Adara Wolf… I don’t hate the book as is but I’m not gay. I’m also not that helpful, I have ninety-nine reasons I’m not a doctor, make that one hundred, I don’t like people, but I am interested in the human anatomy and oh yes, pain, humiliation, even blood.

I like figuring out the mind, I was dreaming about pain, my current excuse as to why I didn’t go to the library today (back pain), but the thing is when I go into Sadism mode, that means I care enough to inflict it but when people are so worthless I rather not… See I’m attempting to figure myself out first, I believe you must do this before you can discover others but that doesn’t mean you can’t have help, my “father” taught me hatred disguised as love, my son showed me, unconditional love. What about women, because of my mother I seek wisdom, and other women gave me the power of choice, the will to be passionate, and the discovery of my private parts, I mentioned, I’m not gay.

So like Eikichi Onizuka, Dennis Hof, or Sir Mix-A-Lot, I like big butts, well I could go into more details but that’s Dirty Diana’s thing, so I want a job where I can stay in bed, listen to music, judge erotic themes that aren’t gay, and play with the human body lots. I want to inflict pain but not anything serious, I want to care, I want to explore and organize, and love the ladies.

Onizuka became a high school teacher, Mr. Hof owns brothels, Sir Mix-A-Lot was a rapper, and I want to write so why don’t I start with Help Wanted Willing Writer.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 357 ~And Other Dangerous Weapons~

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Fear is the monster, and the weapons I have aren’t doing anything to kill it, do I even want to anymore, I’m tired but everything is keeping me on my back or my ass, but at least I’m writing, and words are weapons. “And Other Dangerous Weapons.”

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Lesson 357 ~And Other Dangerous Weapons~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, I suppose some people will answer yes even if they don’t mean it when I’m in the ground, but today I’m Alive; so why is it when I saw 357 I immediately thought about a gun, I’m an American, I’m suicidal, what keeps me on my back?

If anything my day job, I didn’t start sleeping on my back until I became terrified that I would lose my employment, I’ve only ever been late once, and I was wide awake at the time, though generally like Frankenstein’s monster I rise because the job is killing me. How many times do I say I love my dog like pancakes, but like any parent sometimes he becomes my excuse not to do something or to do everything, but love can be a lot of things including shameful. It’s almost as if one should be ashamed of being depressed, for having the blessings that someone like me has, and I am blessed Lady Luna I see that; a bed, a couch, a chair, a dog, so many soft places and some people only see such luxury in a coffin, and that’s if they’re lucky enough.

Speaking of luck the worst weapon that I use against myself is LUST; if I go to Hell, more like when; I can only hope I get a circle two offense, and the sad thing is I can’t even name everything I’ve looked up this past week or even the past hour. I’m so far from paradise nowadays, but I want something higher; I keep telling myself that but as I was saying to “Cherry” yesterday that something greater will probably come with brunette hair.

You would think I wouldn’t look at the ground so much but more at my wooden dining room table or something else that’s indeed rockhard, writing, woody, the weather though I like the rain somewhat which matches my mood, slow and dark. The clock is another source of motivation and irritation over how much time I waste doing nothing it’s a constant struggle it wears me out. Besides lust, SLEEP should be considered one of my seven deadly sins; I have to give up sleep, somebody said that’s when the real work begins when you’re tired and hungry, not that I’m helping myself when it comes to food either sadly.

So day job, fatherhood, depression, lust, writing, time, and sleep, see it doesn’t take a 357 to kill yourself not when there are so many choices And Other Dangerous Weapons.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 298 ~Time Enough At Last~

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Why stand there taking up space; I get road rage just standing in line and perhaps one of my fears is that everyone feels, the same way and I don’t want anyone feeling that way. “Time Enough At Last,” to relax maybe

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Lesson 298 ~Time Enough At Last~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today though I wish I could remember a time that I was, a time I could stop and smell the roses, sometime when I didn’t feel I was running for my life, trying to catch up or rushing things because there is so little time left. How often have I said, the world will end in five minutes, and I have to make it until then, again and again, it becomes incredibly exhausting.

For instance, people falling in love at first sight, it works for dogs, I loved my dog since the moment his paws hit the ground, and I immediately wanted to protect him from the world, can’t say they about any girl and nor should you. Don’t get me wrong Inspector Echo I’m not that much of an idiot… any more and that’s quite a long story but no time. I have too much to apologize for today, I’m not taking the time to live or even wanting to, I want to survive, and I especially don’t have time to figure out how I’ll get that done in the long run.

“I just want to wake up with more time on my hand than hours in the day.” In Time (2011)

Everyday Inspector Echo I feel like I’m getting in the way and I don’t even have time to say I’m sorry, did you ever wonder why I never go anywhere taking the highway, how I have to fly to visit a friend rather than drive because I’d get lost forever. I’m the guy that practices what to say before he goes through the drive-thru, who can’t do anything but stand in line honestly, and then I’m lazy as hell when it comes to sleep. Now I’m not in love with any girl, but I don’t lie, I speak in a certain way, I rush because most guys that can get girls don’t have to talk and I’m a regular Howard Wolowitz, I say whatever stupidly.

And I also apologize for wasting my time apologizing on top of dreaming up revenge or wallowing in misery, I’m sorry every day must fill up with something, and then I can do nothing but waste it, even today, how far have I got in editing my book? To think I hope they never build a time machine or if they do, that the “The Langoliers,” won’t be far behind; why do I need to go back, this sounds familiar.

Doesn’t make me any less sorry though and maybe with enough money, power, or maybe love there will be one day, Time Enough At Last.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 287 ~Fools and Their Eh~

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Oops, I did it again, wasted my time, did my best instead of going out and maybe doing anything else that might honestly help me I mean any fool can write a book right. “Fools And Their Eh,” which I’d be lucky if I got that at all

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Lesson 287 ~Fools and Their Eh~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Fine Today, best case scenario I’m meh or eh and keeping an eh is a miracle these days but shouldn’t that be what a smile is for, a laugh, or just an honest day’s work. In this movie once, I think they said any fool could make an “A” but keeping it, maintaining it, that was the hard part, along with making it mean something, anything at all.

Maybe I should be talking to Lady Sophia about this, but my work as of late has been eh than A and I’m struggling as to why I even continue with it, even today I only want to hang on to my position with Camp NaNoWriMo. That’s the only top that I can see these days, that fifty-thousand-word total and what does it matter when you’re standing on a mountain of crap? Am I depressed you ask, if I am, I’m bleeding all over the pages which is a good sign don’t you think so Luna?

A which leads to B and I wind up with C, so on and so forth and even if I make it to Z, I would always be looking for the value of X, and I’m as lost now as I was back in those math classes of yesteryear. So what am I trying to say, what do I want to say, and like at work what should I say and that is something I can’t cater to, not anymore, never again though we both know if my “father” walked in here… People must have their A’s no doubt, it gives you value in this world, but no one ever understood I was trying to hang on to that eh most days and what did that get me, I’m Fonzie.

Am I saying I’m cool, am I still speaking of miracles, no I’m saying I get laughed at, I’m believing at some magic time what I am will be acceptable… maybe if we ever get “The First Purge.” Most days, speaking the truth I would like to feel a little bit better than this but I want to write those A’s and dot my I’s and cross my T’s and in the end, doesn’t this make me a fool honestly.

Can I live like this, can I maintain, endure and survive, what is it they say, Fools And Their Eh?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 280 ~I Missed Health Class~

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When was the last time I wanted to get out of bed, not needed, not have to, not a challenge, no I only wanted to get up and live… is it too early for Christmas and can I be a kid again and go back to school. I Missed Health Class.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Lesson 280 ~I Missed Health Class~

Hey Lady Luna,
I Am Not Fine Today because I missed health class, not all of it but probably more than Sex Ed, only this is America, so most kids missed that conversation, to be honest. What I mean there are plenty of things about health that I should have learned being an African-American and all. Personally, I never dreamed I’d get out of my teens and with diet, a brain only a zombie could love, the cops, let’s say things aren’t looking that good.

You may be wondering what brought all this up; maybe it’s the fact that I have wasted yet one more day of my life in bed. Except for walking my dog and nature’s call, I’ve been down for the count. What honestly baffles me is the concept that I have held my day job for almost seven years and in all that time, I’ve been late once, and I’ve called out once, been too sick to stay one time, and left early maybe twice. One of those times was for another job, and the other was for my writing career, and yet I’m not writing today, am I Lady Lu?

I wasn’t learning how to survive on Pop-Tarts and toast, maybe pizza and Rotisserie Chicken every night, am I complaining about food and money right now? Lady Lu they don’t talk about when you’re so depressed that your body follows suit and you’re weighed down by something as light as a blanket. How about cold, the weather has been like something out of “1408” hot, wet, frozen, wasteland but every work day I go out into that, and it’s killing me, but I have a billion excuses as to why I can’t do for me.

Speaking of killing, I haven’t had a run-in with the law for the longest time but from searching on Motherless.com to my Pinterest boards being knocked out, to Facebook collecting intel I could face arrest for a great many things. Am I still hung up on the Pinterest thing… tell that to the hundred or so episodes of General Hospital I have yet to watch and just might give up.

Health Class wants to teach you to stay strong and not just lie on your back which goes right back into how come there’s no sexual education at most schools. I’ll tell you what I haven’t learned today, how to deal with an ever-growing weakness pervading my body but hey Lu I Missed Health Class.

“There is only one rule that binds all people. One governing principle that defines every relationship on God’s green earth: The weak are meat, and the strong do eat.” Dr. Henry Goose, Cloud Atlas (2012)

I Will Have No Fear