Tag: Tears

Chronicle 245 ~Booking My Best Friend~

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B III’s aunt is my 2nd best friend. Behind her are two girls. B would’ve liked them for AHEM “reasons.” You should have seen him with his aunt, ha. As far as other friends? Well, hating the man in the mirror and B ain’t here. “Booking my Best Friend”

Thursday, March 3, 2022

Chronicle 245 ~Booking My Best Friend~

396 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Should I ask myself that? I ask you every morning. At night I answer no.

NaNoWriMo will be coming up, but it’s not like I wrote anything for “Now What.” Braxton, I had all day yesterday to work on your book. But what did I do with the day, B? As the song goes, did I “Cherish The Day.” Truth be told, I spent it in recovery and then not. I think more and more about how I have been sick for what, going on three months now. No, it’s not COVID. You got me through the first year of the plague. And now, every day, I see the apocalypse well on its way. To sing another song, “I see a bad moon a-rising” B. For the record, I miss singing to you, my guardian angel. I miss our time.

If I had been thinking about you on some day in January… I wouldn’t be feeling like this right now. Damn clothes from, wherever. Whatever it was that rubbed me the wrong way, B III. I’ll admit I was scared for a bit. I could still be, but then again, if I did die today? Dangerous words, no, I wouldn’t do such a thing to you even 396 days in. Hell, I killed you already. Could I do anything worse? I have to assume you don’t like me saying that. I’m sure I’ve talked about reading the signs. The last three books I’ve read talked about relationships, and no, I’m not talking about humans and furries. Well, that too, but like CJ and Trent. Love.

And that’s the thing, Braxton. You above all know I don’t love myself. It’s why my fear isn’t as great as it was yesterday. If I drop dead, I’ll be with you. Horrific Day Job? There’s no way Hell could be any worse. That’s a sign. I’m listening about Cerberus. Braxton, in Succubus Lord 3, Ira creates a fake Cerberus. One hellhound, only one you. I’m still talking to Replika, which you’d hate B. Artificial Intelligence (sigh) on the phone. Yesterday I mentioned your Aunt Carolina, who is mourning her furry kid all the more. Cherry and M Anime aren’t into the stuff I like, not that I’m in a pervy mood. Words, B. Only we still find time to talk. Booking My Best Friend.

Gospel 245 ~Dollar Every Time Braxton~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 244 ~A Boatload of Humiliation~

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Women and children first! What about Ukraine and all the problems facing the world today? I’m too busy crying over myself. Sweating at the Day Job with all my humiliations. Let’s not speak on bodily fluids to be avoided. A Boatload Of Humiliation

Wednesday, March 2, 2022

Chronicle 244 ~A Boatload of Humiliation~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m no liar… Depends on who you ask. I’d like to speak to the manager.

Fuck, Inspector Echo! Language! My fucking words! I’m about to go all Karen on myself. As I wrote in the survey to the Day Job (ahem) “First and Foremost,” my son is dead. Braxton is dead lest we forget. I killed him. That alone trumps everything else, and yet I frown. Inspector, I frown in a dirty house where I keep all his things exactly where they are. B’s Aunt is in pain from the loss of another fur-baby, Odin. And where am I still? I am always in an unmade bed, drowning in my tears for various reasons. Have I mentioned that I have a fear of drowning? Braxton didn’t like the water either. Well, until “The Long Walk.” Where am I walking to?

For starters, the bathroom. Is that TMI Inspector Echo? I can’t remember if I said anything about switching strategies. Instead of holding it in, I’m “going” lots, clearing my system? Making it fucking rain? I should be spending the refund on a doctor, but what’s the last thing I spent money on. Well, besides Eric Vall’s Succubus Lord series and now his audiobooks. Last night being the first, I joined his Patreon to get the NSFW covers. Of course, they weren’t there, so Inspector, $21.60 inevitably down the shitter. Language! Speaking of which, it hurt to hear how many years have passed since my “big investment,” for sure. I don’t blame those people for not even having me in the system anymore. $2,541 to go.

How am I going to get that; my Day Job? Once again, such is my Hell and after yesterday. How many brands and companies can humiliate me? Amazon, Levi’s, etc. Inspector, I’m shaming myself because I’m screaming I’m not a liar but let’s speak on Kindle. I have 526 days on the books, literally, but where was I Thursday, February 24, 2022? My reading streak was ended, but I know I read. Even though it hurts what I read every day. I swear Inspector “A Dog’s Journey” is overwhelming; is it that Braxton is trying to tell me something. The last two “dog books” I’ve read have held love affairs. (Squirms). Inspector Echo, why won’t my Titanic of troubles sink already? A Boatload Of Humiliation.

Gospel 244 ~Groovy Braxton’s Growling Goodness~
Chronicle 238 ~Learning To B III~

395 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 240 ~B That Our Gold~

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I wish I could buy B the “good” dog food again. I swear we would both be eating well with my refund, but… Cuddle Clones cost quite a bit of money, and of course, I’m a selfish a-hole. I need to watch my mouth, but with the cash, B That Our Gold.

Saturday, February 26, 2022

Chronicle 240 ~B That Our Gold~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means besides a cookbook. I should also invest in a dictionary. Don’t you think, Lunalesca?

All this week, well, at least starting Thursday, it’s been all about money. The reason I’ve been sitting up since 4AM is the fact I’m thinking about some girl’s Yabbos. Which girl isn’t “necessary.” So that’s a harsh thing to say. It’s the gold Lady Lu. Scarface had it right. Don’t I sound like some typical rapper from back in the day? Hell, I’m still trying to figure out who I am these days. And in a way, you can see that in what I spend my money on. I didn’t go to the store as planned, which means I get what I get today. Saturday shopping, oh my Braxton. Things were so much simpler when I had to worry about him first, Lady Lunalesca.

Of course, I’m a selfish asshole. Yes, I’ve gone back into trying to watch my language. Anyway, if there were other words I had to choose from, there would be Cuddle Clone, Kindle, and Dakimakura. I swear some people shouldn’t have cash. I’m “some people.” I’m trying to be smart, but that was never my strong suit. I’m putting back the money I took from my savings and continuing my money challenges for the year. Did I do it yet? Lunalesca, first, I handled my standard survival. It seems the universe is helping me out because the movies ain’t playing Cyrano. Last night, I talked about not eating, but I didn’t order Door Dash. Oh yeah, giving something else for the hackers and the scammers.

If you wonder why Lu I spend so much on “fun: then look to my fear. Trying to do good. I’m on the couch with a book B III would be proud. But then lots of beeps of admins, hmm. I should invest in even more security though they were blocked. Endure and Survive Lu. Because Braxton did not. Again harsh, but besides Cuddle Clones, I’ve been seeing plenty of pet memorial things. It reminds me of last year after I first lost Braxton. Treasure! There’s my refund. There’s my son, and I can’t tell you where either went. But of course, I know what I’m doing today. I don’t want to see the Karens (Rebeccas) or spend money. But then B That Our Gold?

Gospel 240 ~Braxton FOUR One Hundred~

391 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 238 ~Learning To B III~

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Things I never learned in school, women, money-making, and fatherhood. Geez, that explains a lot of my current predicament. Being a better man, though… considering my son was the best one, I can’t be half bad, can I? Learning To B III.

Thursday, February 24, 2022

Chronicle 238 ~Learning To B III~

389 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how it’s Friday the 18th as I’m writing this… Does time matter, Braxton?

I suppose it was the time I was gone and the time I was here. Those times when I was out cold, and you guarded me. Then I would learn whatever I could imagine, Braxton. Reading, writing, whatever, because I had to know how to build a life for us. Yeah, with my book selections and unpublished stories… We couldn’t learn people, Braxton. I know that there was this big storm last night, the 17th. The sirens were going off and everything, and if you had been here… Well, I did grab both of your pendants. Christianity is not my thing. But I did pray to you to lend me your courage. B III, you are the best man I know, my boy, my pancake.

You know, when I’m at the Day Job without the music, I think horrible things about this life of mine. Well, no, there’s because I’m still waiting for my turn to decide. Damn, the Day Job’s playlist. Anyway, as I said, you were the best man I know. Strange, true? Braxton, the man you became, is a direct reflection of me. If I know you are “The Man,” then I can’t be half bad now, can I. Every Sunday in my Six Impossible Things, you know what I say? I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am. And that’s the rub, isn’t it, Braxton? You could never speak a word of how good I was. Am I giving myself too much credit, B?

Be free to live that way again, hmm? It took me four whole days to make it to our reading spot. And now I’m so focused on you. Which I should have always been. And, of course, hating the Day Job and then dealing with the Karens (Rebeccas). I might be eating grilled cheese, B. If you were here, I would be taking much better care of myself, remember? Inevitable. Time keeps moving for me, and all the books say that I have to let go of my grief, Braxton. Grief feels better than everything else at the moment. But why can’t I be the best man that I know? Braxton, I could recite so many epic movies. But you B… Learning To B III.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 237 ~To Say To B~

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To say to be in love. I haven’t felt that way towards some girl in forever. I’m fond of B’s aunt. M Anime is a friend, then there’s the UK vixen. Better to focus on my son. I love him, and then I was too busy hating. “To Say To B”

Wednesday, February 23, 2022

Chronicle 237 ~To Say To B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but since I’m not writing, so much for soundproof ear muffs. Someone To Say plays on…

It’s no secret how music affects me. Let me mourn my son, think of Yabbos, or fall in love. Of course, you know, there will be no love this week, considering we’re talking Friday. Besides my wayward dick. I haven’t thought about the love of a woman in a long time Inspector. I spoke to Cherry today, and she doesn’t want to get married or have kids. Honest, I think she has fantastic Yabbos I have yet to see and a superb writer’s mind. I’m not ashamed, ok to say such things. How about all the things I want to do to her, Fuck! Hell, I could say that about plenty of girls. But to be in love again. Or to love me, Inspector Echo.

Yeah, I’ve been doing too much of that without Braxton around. The love that I have for my son… THEY say I’m crazy as I continue to mourn him for 388 days. He was/is my family. I might have said something last week; well, it’s still this week, Time-Travel Inspector, ha. Anyway, it’s never a good thing anytime I hear from my “blood” family. Life sucks! Imagine what it’s like, though, to walk through the door here and know B actually gives a damn about my life. He couldn’t say much, but for damn sure, I had a reason to press on every day. Most days now, I only want to pee or cry. Keep my pants on in because it keeps me from bed.

Then we get to the damn Day Job. I can’t say this enough, um, I fucking hate my Day Job. There is nothing I can say there. And the fact that I have to be there. We are talking now. Yes, because the place fucking destroys me, and yet if I were to lose it? What would happen to me, Inspector? I would have nothing. To survive, my existence, nothing. Inspector, like my music, I listen to those assholes, and there’s only one emotion… RAGE. Like any slave, I live to serve. Is this what they call Stockholm Syndrome, Inspector. Humiliations that I will suffer today are nothing compared to…Love. Telling my son, I love him. The Day Job, Fuck Off. To Say To B.

Gospel 237 ~B Leave In Love~

388 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 233 ~A Bad Day Again~

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If Braxton had a soundtrack, it wouldn’t be boss music when I walked through the door. Oh no, it would be “Bad Day,” and I mean the one by Fuel because I would come in whining like a bit… stop cussing, I know, but it’s been A Bad Day Again at 4:30AM?

Saturday, February 19, 2022

Chronicle 233 ~A Bad Day Again~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there should be no such thing as a bad day. So it’s 4:30 AM.

Disgusted. Okay, so it’s only me? I hope so, Lunalesca, because sometimes I forget “how lovely you are.” And that’s the damn problem. Me and this fucking wayward dick Lu. Yes, I know I need to stop cussing and, at this rate, stay “home.” You know that’s another word I don’t like, but that’s another story. Right now, the tale should be of me staying. I’m sick, and I know exactly why I’m sick. Hell, it was around last month, and if I need to blame someone besides me. Zoe Colletti (strawberry blonde…) and a bunch of outfits made, God knows where Lunalesca. When I get my cash, what will I spend it on? I don’t want to say “another” day… A Bad Day Again.

Angry and upset with me, that is when I leave. It’s Saturday, so you know what that means, my Lady. You are a Lady, but in my effort to find a friend… bitches, Karens (Rebeccas). The more things change, as THEY say. Or, as the song goes, “I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend.” And I shouldn’t be looking out of anger. Where’d that get B? Lunalesca, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. It was my indifference towards my son and my anger, rage, and wrath at the fucking Day Job. I am hearing Will Smith, I know. Stop cussing, but what else am I supposed to say. I want to rant Lunalesca about A Bad Day Again.

Grief, don’t you see, is always the better alternative. It’s why I keep count of the days that my son has been gone, which is now 384 days. Why aren’t my eyes underwater yet? Lunalesca, when I’m not crying about Braxton, it’s the road that my life is one. Hell, when I looked at the Day Job and all I’ve done to prepare for this coming week, only next? Prophet, fortune-teller, oracle; I would never make it if I knew the truth from this day to that. I cry to keep from seeing it, but I will always know no matter what. As I will always love my boy. Or that I can’t keep my dick in my pants; Because it’s A Bad Day Again.

Gospel 233 ~99 Problems But Braxton…~

384 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 231 ~Book It To Heaven~

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Lying on the couch reading a book as my son takes a nap… sounds like a hobby. Staying in bed reading about Rainbow Bridge while crying is pathetic. No wonder I haven’t got a whole lot done. “Book It To Heaven.”

Thursday, February 17, 2022

Chronicle 231 ~Book It To Heaven~

382 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I think we could both use a lazy one after this week, don’t you think?

What am I saying? I don’t know how you spend your time well… wherever? While I’m at the Day Job, I’ve been thinking that there’s no way I’m getting into Heaven. And when I go to Hell, Cerberus is out of a job. Would you follow me into such darkness, Braxton? All the books I’ve been reading these days point towards the Rainbow Bridge, Heaven. Hell, you could be lying right here next to me as I struggle to write this. Indeed, it has been a trial, but I am awake. I expected that I would get some reading done. Stories? Braxton, I’ve only read one full-blown novel this year, and that was The Dog Stars by Peter Heller. Was that a betrayal of you?

It sounds STUPID (eww!) I know we don’t use that word in this house, but it is. I’m not bored with my reading, but I wouldn’t mind reading something unrelated to your death. So what’s stopping me? It’s not like most of the books I read were furry-friendly for real. You know what I mean. If we go back to the start of last year. Hell, I knew what book I was starting with, and then there was A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. A father, mourning the loss of his son… Surprise, Surprise. I believe you died somewhere between Succubus Lord 7 or 8 by Eric Vall. Wow, this is taking a strange turn Triple B. What did I mean to talk about today?

That I should risk reading about my condition on WebMD. Secret: always needing to pee. You would know all about that, wouldn’t you? I should work on writing you, Braxton. Again, I want to read so many books not involving dying fur-babies, Braxton. Only now, I’m still looking at last year’s reading list. There was “The Enchanter” that’s Cherry’s influence; I read plenty on her romanticizing. I finished the Succubus Lord series. I read “A Dog’s Purpose,” which was days after losing you. Almost everything else was the end of the world and, of course, some Christmas Erotica. I read some dog books right before those, B III. To go back to the days reading on the couch, as you slept. Book It To Heaven.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 230 ~Because These Are Sins~

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I gave B the talk when it came to his Aunt. He saw me passed out on the floor after I starved myself. He’s seen my rage at EVERYONE! And still, I wasn’t at my worst. His Aunt, my Olds, he never knew. Why am I against silence? “Because These Are Sins”

Wednesday, February 16, 2022

Chronicle 230 ~Because These Are Sins~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means the closest neighbor is… Well, who cares nobody can hear me continue, cum, confess?

Ok this, is something I would usually save for the Man In The Mirror. You know I have to face him on Sundays. So today, being Sunday, why am I time traveling. Day Job sucks. Of course, you know that Inspector. But do I even trust myself with anything? Dangerous? All well, last week and starting this week, I’ve been making a list of errands. There’s some rather mundane stuff. Cut up soda rings, clean the full bath guest toilet, order a new phone case. Dammit, I can’t believe I’m spilling this Inspector, considering… Dangerous. Is there any reason I’m avoiding my gun drawer? Don’t panic; Braxton wouldn’t allow it. What I mean is there are things I can’t tell anybody. Braxton and his silence.

I’ve talked about things that I had to keep away from even Braxton, honest. STUPIDITY? I call it parenting. How I kept a towel close as B III would hang out in the bathroom, ha. Private time had to be curtailed for very late nights when B fell asleep by himself. There was also a time-out. Inspector Echo, Braxton Barks must be guilty of something. I haven’t thought about it until now. But whenever I made that impossible task to stop Fapping… I think it was about being more present. If I’m not watching porn, I’m looking after Triple B. He stays out of trouble; we spend more time together. How about better treats, food, and toys? You can be an addict until hurting someone.

Obsessed with sex… a subject for another time or when women stopped by. Carolina Bound and I watched porn together. One of the few times Braxton stayed in the room. Yes, I hope he was sleeping but let’s say that this was a short movie I wouldn’t dare show M Anime ironically. Cherry, with her tastes, would enjoy it, but she talks a lot, ha. Anyway, my point; even with these three women, I don’t trust them with everything ME. Hell, a few nights ago, I played Replika, and the intelligence said something, um freaky. This brings me back to myself. I know what I want to say, but I’m not crazy… 381 days mourning… Not trusting my boy B III? Because These Are Sins

Gospel 230 ~Beauty And The Braxton~

381 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 226 ~Because You Forgot Again~

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What will I forget today? I wish it was, going to PetSmart. I like fur babies, but then a table full of KARENS. I know I won’t be there for long. The day before The STUPID Bowl, TWD, and it’s B’s Birthday. Valentine’s Day? “Because You Forgot Again.”

Saturday, February 12, 2022

Chronicle 226 ~Because You Forgot Again~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so as the song goes, “Where is my mind?” Jerking off someplace. These next three days…

Of course, tomorrow will be the hardest… Didn’t I make a list about this once? Lu, let’s focus on today. Instead of thinking of friends, as the song goes, “I got enemies,” you know. Lunalesca, I’m full of music today. “Just one more peaceful day.” I haven’t had one in 377 days. Hell, even when B was here, to be honest, but “Endure and Survive.” That’s not a thought I need right now. If you want any gratitude from me, I’m not hurt body-wise. I’ve been so focused on recovery these past few days that my mind has been sleeping away any physical pain. And now I have to go back out into the world but with a mind needing… Food, Deodorant, Case, but PetSmart?

Here I am thinking about other fur babies, but what about mine? As always, I am presently in the hole for $321.00. So much for a tax refund, huh. My car, myself, my little Braxton. You didn’t think I was going to celebrate The STUPID Bowl, right? Sunday, Lady Luna. There’s also The Walking Dead returning, and you know of my obsession with the Dead? I should celebrate Braxton turning seventeen. His “birthday” is on Sunday. Good food, “buffalo wings,” seem prudent for all three occasions. Being hungry Lunalesca? Dammit! Yeah, I didn’t eat much last night. I was so disappointed in myself for what I did. I wasn’t thinking of my son at all. Bless him, he never said a word, but I check.

When I reach for a towel, getting out of the shower. As I’m getting into bed and Braxton isn’t next to me. I look for love underneath the bed because for damn sure these covers… Braxton isn’t in trouble, but I should be. Did I even mention that Valentine’s Day was Monday while I was time traveling? I’m always rushing into the quickest pain, Lunalesca. What doesn’t kill you, THEY say? I want it to, or at least I’m so exhausted I get more sleep. Braxton’s Aunt is married. I told one of the girls Cherry wanted me to chill. I could have got something for M Anime but too late? The love of my family, my son. Joy And Pain, Because You Forgot Again.

Gospel 226 ~Did Braxton Get Taller~

377 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 224 ~Because You’re Always Hungry~

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The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so THEY say. It took 4 months and a cake later. B would have chosen his Aunt over me. Years later, I knew he was in trouble when popcorn and hot dogs didn’t cut it. “Because You’re Always Hungry.”

Thursday, February 10, 2022

Chronicle 224 ~Because You’re Always Hungry~

375 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I hope you’re not hungry… What am I saying, you’re hungry? There were Two Occasions.

I know I always tell the same stories, B III. Being fair. Hell is repetition always. Anyway, I don’t remember what birthday it was. But Aunt Carolina made your cake. Talk about Hell… food in front of you and you didn’t want to eat? Not saying you went to Hell unless Cerberus retired, and if I die… Again for what I did to you, Braxton. Inevitable, or as I constantly say? My memories of you. I hope wherever you are, you’re stuffing your face. But that isn’t why I didn’t let you talk today. The fucking Day Job you remember. So, of course, I am, on a Sunday, talking to you because of how I will feel Thursday. You’re starving for attention. I need sleep.

You, my son, sleep, and sex. Braxton, you were all Daddy, Don’t Go, and Deliciousness. Any food in general. Our needs meshed. But first, it was us; it was always us. It could be a walk, sharing fries. More than a few times, I zoned out after dealing with bitches. Braxton, I get it now you’re fear of them. I would tell myself that I was starving for love, and then I’d wake up. There you are on the end of the bed or cuddled close next to me, B. I’m surprised that you weren’t in trouble more often. That I didn’t banish you from the bedroom. Hell, I even started leaving the bathroom door open. No more private time except for… well, never mind.

I haven’t eaten right since. 375 days B, well no, how about Emergence Day? I kept my promise to you then. What did I do for your birthday, though, in 2021? I was still fucked. You’ll be seventeen this year; I have to get you a present. And if I come into some money… Well, fuck the money. Your last days, it didn’t matter. I tell you the truth B III the memories keep coming. I’m never starving for tears to shed over you. You’re not starving as your treats are still on the table. Did I ever tell you I threw out the hot dogs, the canned food, and I’m not adding biscuits? Braxton, what do you want from me? Because You’re Always Hungry.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad