Lesson 358 ~Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated~

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I’m not happy that’s no secret but something people don’t like hearing about, amongst other things which explains why I don’t talk, well anywhere; places I can go, women I am into, but am I happy, my dog might not be. Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Lesson 358 ~Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, to be honest love has not been the theme of this last week, and I only hope you can do better, mostly because of the dog, he needs you, and I need you to… what shake it off, let it go, try it again? Yesterday I was blessed, and tomorrow you will still be blessed but isn’t it ironic to have so much and to want more and you know exactly how to get it, or you have the faith which only adds to such confusion and fear.

Your fears should be tomorrow’s problem but when you were walking the dog this morning, you felt alive, not happy, it’s been so long since you’ve known that, not even satisfied, only you were “living” and with the concept that you could die at any moment. Spiders, snakes, people, hell I feel you, I had my hands on my knife when the AT&T guy showed up so if anything I didn’t want to die and while suicide is always on the table it’s under a stack of books, a pile of candy and the dog’s outside/inside routine. At first, I thought maybe we wanted to bury the fear from the “Al Bundy Shift” but since that’s finally canceled… why all the options and the list, of course, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 99** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 106** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 75% Of Psychopath’s Prey by V.F. Mason
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Prophet” By Celia Aaron
Completed
6. I Will “Edit” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”
Completed

“You Always Hurt The One You Love,” this is the second week, and even now the little boy is annoying you, another reason you’re a writer because you want to remember and not hurt him with some hasty word you can’t recall. Much like a pretty girl, I never forget a beautiful face “As Pink As Lily,” “Ariella Ferrera” (Ariella’s Areolas), “Lucy Blew,” “Alyssa Branch,” “Belle Noire” (Nasty Noir), “Cassandra Sarbeck” (Lady’s Night Blow Out) how many of these are mine and how many are yours? Too many damn options, it’s like you’re being torn apart at the seams trying to fill the void of however you were before, again why you’re a writer, listing memories and Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 106** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 25% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “Psychopath’s Prey” By V. F. Mason
6. I Will Write A Thousand Word Preface Page For “The Bedroom Soapbox” Compilation

So the question is how do you cure your discombobulation, you need focus and discipline obviously on your craft, but you keep looking at the destination instead of the journey, captured by the past and shuffling towards the future. Happiness is nowhere for the moment, only desire, want, need; you’re sacrificing the wrong thing when it comes to your dog, no you must find something else to lose because I ask Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated?

I Will Have No Fear

The Prophet’s Proprietary Perfect Profits A Book Review

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How I wished for a five-star sequel, and here we are, and already I can’t wait until I get my first look at the promised land or “The Church” but “The Prophet” was able to move the mountain the last inch, so? The Prophet’s Proprietary Perfect Profits

Was it God, the “Father of Fire,” “The Morningstar,” hell one of the things I love about writers is the ability for us to play God and with “The Prophet” let me say in Celia Arron I trust no question. I am sure however that many of you do have queries and if the first one is this book worth a read, well my review of The Maiden (The Cloister Trilogy #1) was four stars, this one gets that final fifth star and well deserved.

If you want to see what I thought there “Hey There Delilah, My Maiden” was that review, as for this tale we are brought back almost immediately where The Maiden left off in a state of “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” Delilah is in trouble from all sides, The Prophet, the son, the senator, or would it be better to say the father, the son, and the holy ghost, either way, she finds herself trapped in Hell once again. The Prophet’s whose anger and madness knows no bounds, Adam who makes her body burn with unholy desire or the shame and rage that awakens through Evan Roberts who wants her for his own.

I brought this up before how religion will use beautiful women, and whether it’s their heat, the dark desires that burn inside because trust me if you read this title you’re not exactly innocent, or the knowledge of what The Prophet does, to quote a more reasonable madman, there will be blood. Besides The Prophet and Evan Roberts and the “hero” Adam other characters have been expanded such as Grace, Adam and Noah’s mother and Noah himself as the crimes against the maidens grow ever more heinous but who Delilah is investigating is brought to light. The sex is still somewhat subdued but with everything else that is going on and the explosive ending two sides of the same coin.

Some people might be turned off but this title revved me up, if the book were any more on fire I would be worried it might go all “Fahrenheit 451” in my hands, no this title is nothing like that only the emotions that will burn inside you from everything. Anyway, that is enough of me blowing smoke but remember there’s an inferno waiting once we pass the first darkness which is Delilah’s destructive indoctrination.

Spoiler warning ahead if you haven’t read the first book; ready, okay, we start with dear Delilah being locked away for her escape attempt from Heavenly Ministries and a while at least she is a shadow of her former womanhood. Adam Monroe is, of course, letting more of his sweet guy persona show while maintaining the brooding boy motif that makes all the woman go knocky in the knees as he lays even more of a claim on his maiden.

While The Maiden focused more on the sexual training of the girls and there is plenty of sex in this we see more of the violent side of Heavenly and the madness that has created The Prophet and his victims. To take the body is one thing, someone’s life is another but to declare war on the soul; I was somewhat taken aback at the shift it Delilah’s personality; it’s when I saw everyone else that I felt indeed a bit hopeless. Not that the characters aren’t good but how Adam is coming off with his new plans and I remember someone once saying that if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your ideas, the problem is as the song goes “there are too many prophets here” honestly.

Adam remains mostly the same, a love-struck fool, with violent tendencies albeit he has grown bolder but the things a man will do for love or obsession, to see that The Prophet could show such restraint when it comes to Delilah. If the characters aren’t chasing love it’s power which brings in some surprising twists and turns; there was one, in particular, that might have sucked me in and then threw me out of the story so much that I thought my Kindle was screwing up again. That part of the story comes back around eventually, but I was so confused for a bit, though it made my heart jump; there are other parts of the story that brought out a leap or rise to other parts of my anatomy.

Other that Delilah and Adam, Evan for as twisted as he is, I believe is quite compelling and if the location of the story hits too close to home for me, the politician I think we all know someone like that, *cough* president *cough*. One character meets a violent end; again if you got into the first book you weren’t holding out much hope for him or her anyway, but with the death, we are witnesses to one mind-blowing revelation; still, Delilah has no clue.

Is that the reason I gave “The Prophet” five stars, it might sound better than paying attention to Evan, the bloody nature of this story, the sex between Adam and Delilah or should I say Emily, big spoiler but I would have given anything to be Adam at that moment. Yes, there will be more spoilers from here on and things I didn’t like, but that can’t take away the five stars this book truly deserves, it is quite incredible.

For example, that moment Adam and Noah run into the FBI, my heart dropped and then the moment was just glossed over and eventually comes back around to one of them wearing a wire, what all transpired at that meeting? I would have liked to see more “Zombiefied” Delilah/Emily and especially would have enjoyed watching her beg before The Prophet after her torture or something between her and Sarah, but that’s only my wishful thinking. Delilah/Emily does a full 180 or 360 from hating The Prophet, loving him, hating again it happened a bit too fast for my taste honestly like her grueling torture could be reversed in seconds though I am grateful it happened.

My favorite part of the entire story was when Adam chose to save Delilah/Emily the only way he could, though he had already taken her virginity he needed everyone to see it done this time and that was the hottest action. Evan attempting to court Delilah/Emily and the other things he did to her, a terrible man but compared to The Prophet he’s a saint, don’t get me wrong he is all sorts of evil. There’s a toss-up between The Prophet killing and then finding out who murdered Delilah/Emily’s friend which I will leave because it is profoundly shocking but what is Adam to do; if he lives of course.

I give it five stars because it was a little bit sexy and a little bit bloody, throw in some revelations, and you can’t wait, but I am, so much stuff on my reading list but not if, when you get “The Cloister Trilogy” make sure you read them all because I intend to. Will they have to add another star for the third book “The Church,” the chapel and the cathedral are a bit too out there for my liking, what am I saying, The Prophet’s Proprietary Perfect Profits.

Lesson 357 ~And Other Dangerous Weapons~

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Fear is the monster, and the weapons I have aren’t doing anything to kill it, do I even want to anymore, I’m tired but everything is keeping me on my back or my ass, but at least I’m writing, and words are weapons. “And Other Dangerous Weapons.”

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Lesson 357 ~And Other Dangerous Weapons~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, I suppose some people will answer yes even if they don’t mean it when I’m in the ground, but today I’m Alive; so why is it when I saw 357 I immediately thought about a gun, I’m an American, I’m suicidal, what keeps me on my back?

If anything my day job, I didn’t start sleeping on my back until I became terrified that I would lose my employment, I’ve only ever been late once, and I was wide awake at the time, though generally like Frankenstein’s monster I rise because the job is killing me. How many times do I say I love my dog like pancakes, but like any parent sometimes he becomes my excuse not to do something or to do everything, but love can be a lot of things including shameful. It’s almost as if one should be ashamed of being depressed, for having the blessings that someone like me has, and I am blessed Lady Luna I see that; a bed, a couch, a chair, a dog, so many soft places and some people only see such luxury in a coffin, and that’s if they’re lucky enough.

Speaking of luck the worst weapon that I use against myself is LUST; if I go to Hell, more like when; I can only hope I get a circle two offense, and the sad thing is I can’t even name everything I’ve looked up this past week or even the past hour. I’m so far from paradise nowadays, but I want something higher; I keep telling myself that but as I was saying to “Cherry” yesterday that something greater will probably come with brunette hair.

You would think I wouldn’t look at the ground so much but more at my wooden dining room table or something else that’s indeed rockhard, writing, woody, the weather though I like the rain somewhat which matches my mood, slow and dark. The clock is another source of motivation and irritation over how much time I waste doing nothing it’s a constant struggle it wears me out. Besides lust, SLEEP should be considered one of my seven deadly sins; I have to give up sleep, somebody said that’s when the real work begins when you’re tired and hungry, not that I’m helping myself when it comes to food either sadly.

So day job, fatherhood, depression, lust, writing, time, and sleep, see it doesn’t take a 357 to kill yourself not when there are so many choices And Other Dangerous Weapons.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 356 ~Words You Can Bank~

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You can’t get rid of words, while money is another story there are always more words to say and for me always more words to write even with my anniversary coming up, a whole year of things I shouldn’t speak, how about The End? Words You Can Bank

Friday, June 22, 2018

Lesson 356 ~Words You Can Bank~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, how about next year, maybe in July, hell how about “tomorrow,” another one of my favorite words going with “someday” and “discombobulated,” they aren’t getting me anywhere, but they feel great to say? Well more to the point write and in a week I will have been doing it for a year, talk about passion, desire, stupidity and everything else, and I wonder why I write as always, but words make me feel good, why writing’s HARD.

For example “Okay” doesn’t like nasty names and at the same time words like, beautiful or sexy get me nowhere, but it all starts with knowing their name and wasn’t the point of all this for people to know my name? “Block and Report” are two more of my favorites, or maybe I have gullible written on my forehead, but then I wouldn’t have to do so much for my protection. Now that might be something will talk about next week, why I got into this blog but that’s more words that make me feel bad, but the one I have been attempting to take back is my name, so yes my name is Will.

Writing that complaint against Church’s Chicken today while a waste of time was pretty good, Subway threw in a couple of sandwiches and how I hate looking at receipts nowadays. How about the feeling I’ll get if I ever see my name in something published, I found some of my old books, and there was a bit of pride, like seeing your name on a paycheck before you realize how many bills you have to pay. I think one thing that has been consistent these months is I Will Have No Fear; it’s not helping.

The dog’s barks do more for me to be honest and while annoying as Hell, it means, he’s still alive, and he’s keeping me alive but my problem is so many people waste air on words, and there is one more reason I’m a writer. Don’t you remember what it felt like when people use to text, the same with email most days it’s only more words, and I want my words to mean something?

The more words I write or I should say published will give me more time to think of sequels, but for now, the best words in all of writing history that bring me joy and make me feel the best about my writing are The End, Words You Can Bank.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 355 ~Give A Lit Bit~

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Domination 101, how much do I know and what do I believe, this might be an ongoing series considering it has nearly been a year, hell might be a book idea, but I’m talking to the wrong woman, all of them in fact. Give A Little Bit

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Lesson 355 ~Give A Lit Bit~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again after I tell you why I’m a dominant and not like Christian Grey though I am a sadist, I like hurting brunettes, but I love my mother very much and the black women I do like… Zoë Kravitz, Alicia Keys, and Amandla Stenberg before she shaved her head to name a few. Yes, I want the pain, the humiliation, anger, fight, and submission, and the ironic thing is I would never do this to the everyday person, while I loathe humanity my aunt was right and wrong about me destroying the world, that’s just dumb Diana.

Already this is more than I have time for, but unlike lovemaking, I will try and be brief and let me start there, the world has taken so much, I ration myself, I rip myself into pieces and then try to hold it together, to be an Ordinary Human. I have felt all of the above, pain and the like and while Yoda famously said fear leads to anger it can also lead to courage and with it power and where would you want that power to go… vengeance? A person wants to fight, and they say, “you want a piece of me” now not every girl I lay eyes on is love but rather “a viable romantic partner,” and she deserves far more. Indeed it demands my all, and so a submissive gives so must a dominant like me.

Why do I attract the broken and the dirty, because I see and as much as I hate this word “potential” I don’t want to change them but build them up, girls will tell you, I learn all about them, feed them, comfort them and at the same time I want the Madonna and the Whore. I’m sure Sigmund Freud, would have something to say about that but I also mentioned anger, and no I have never abused a woman, and maybe this is fucked up, but I want a woman to know exactly how I feel, the power over oneself finally taken and made desirable. I often say I want a girl that would make an incredible zombie apocalypse partner, a warrior and someone like that must know all of me, the Negan and King Ezekiel, the North to my Markus (Detroit: Become Human, my obsession), the Belle to my Beast, all that I am is yours even If Only For One Night honestly.

This is only the tip of who I am I mean, why am I into an innocent “youthful” look, why do I prefer silk, ribbons, sheets and using clothes rather than leather, ropes, and traditional restraints but I am a dominant because a girl deserves more but why with the world as a whole do I Give A Little Bit.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

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Freedom from everything but living, fear itself is my cage, and nobody is going to sign some paper to get me out, and that is one more reason I am a writer, though who listens to the crazies and the stupid… America. “Cleaning Out My Cages.”

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, now I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anybody, but I feel like a better man compared to the would-be president, hell I never put my dog in a cage but the groomers might have at some point, and that’s for less than fifteen minutes. Then again since he is a Chihuahua, though I’m reasonably sure he was born here, he was taken from his furry family and became my nephew and eventually my son; I don’t know my human nephews, but that’s a long story.

So besides not giving a rat’s ass about most human family and my dog’s upbringing what do I need forgiveness for today, on the one hand, there are things that should know freedom from cages, closets, coffers what have you and things that should be locked up. I did let my dog out today, going potty on the floor does not fly in this household, and he was mad I didn’t walk him early in the morning, too busy trying to put food on our table. That’s how I spend my life, and anything else is for the most part sleep, what do I know about freedom, considering my fascination with the “white room” concept.

By that I do mean my writing, hell most of these thoughts should never see the light of day, what would the bitch think (who cares), what would my mother think and “Indiana Gone” doesn’t mostly. Now a “penis portrait…” yeah that’s something crass though I know one woman that asked me and another sent me her nude pic, well they both did, I’m on day 102 of No Fap. If I weren’t konked out hours ago I would say I have a ton of pent of energy, rage mostly, so no sex or violence, I was nearly ready to open up the coffers and buy surprise, surprise, “Detroit: Become Human” but I still don’t have a PS4 and haven’t I wasted enough money Echo.

As terrified as I am about my Al Bundy shift, still no word on getting out of it I guess I need a release somewhere, but as I tell everyone, everything I want is impossible, immoral, illegal or insane. So forgiveness Inspector Echo, forgive me for putting up the gate and locking my son in his room, for not knowing what to do with my freedom, for making my mom cry (if she knew me), for not keeping it in my pants but I haven’t done anything stupid, edged some.

How about for wanting to waste money and for being scared though I am “trying” to keep my fears locked away; does popping myself with a rubber band regularly count as self-harm; one more way of Cleaning Out My Cages.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 353 ~Caged Hearts, Wander Away~

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My heart has a cage, and yet the love I feel is allowed to travel, and so I am not a prisoner, I am free to know what love is or at the moment empathy, even my dog is in a cage, but he went potty on the floor. Caged Hearts, Wander Away

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Lesson 353 ~Caged Hearts, Wander Away~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, I find love is not some finite resource, between me, and all the kids, including the four-legged one, you wonder why I want to make even more sooner or later my love. Speaking of which, where are the ones we got, I never pictured myself a helicopter parent or someone to relate to Trump but that’s why I have my first born Chihuahua outside surrounded by a high fence, I have to keep an eye on him and even you I believe.

Not in a Christian Grey sort of way; I trust you, and I love us, and I love my dog like pancakes, and as for our other kids, I love them like; hell, how can something so small create a love so gigantic? If only more people were like us, the idea of bringing life into this world of nourishing it, terrifies me because of the people out there and the people we become, it hurts me to lock up my furry friend how would I ground someone? As long as I don’t become a man like Trump or my father, heartless, thinking I can throw money at anything, favoring one life over another, violence *shudders* I want them to feel loved, proud, Live Brave.

“If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open.”
With Arms Wide Open

Sad that I look at my adopted son and see that he has become so much like me, so full of fear, anger, and hate, he doesn’t even like Star Wars, you do know I’m introducing Luke and Leia right… kidding Katniss, Tris, Ember, Lena, Bella, I could go on, and as far as boys, not Will, that tradition dies with my father. I want to introduce our children to a world full of hope, a place where they can choose because if we must decide for them or control them, then we have failed, they won’t go breaking statues or messing with gorillas. Everyone knows what I would do if someone harmed my first, may God have mercy on any who have no regard for what’s mine no matter the number of legs… as I said the things, we can become with such love.

Forever and always I want us to be a family, Mommy and Daddy, all the kids, nobody has a right to take that away from us no matter where we are as long as we love one another. I see so many parents alone or even losing their kids; I wouldn’t mind losing ours for a bit, because we’ll always be husband and wife as well; Caged Hearts, Wander Away.

Close Your Eyes And Wander

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

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I’ll forget so many things by tomorrow, and the things that I remember will probably haunt me for days on end because that’s the problem with pillows, they don’t do enough damage, and they don’t absorb enough punishment. Sometimes You May Even Forget

Monday, June 18, 2018

Lesson 352 ~Sometimes You May Even Forget~

Thirty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again; if I’m lucky I’ll forget I asked, fortunate still if I never find out the answer, at least it will give me something to do, I’m the luckiest if I forget the whole damn day. I wish I could ignore that there was once a less busy time, a period of decompression if you will, like when I was living in my tiny studio “Intown Suites” and every day when I would return I would stand in the center of the room, paralyzed a while.

There was a time when I would come back to the house, and I would feed my dog, change into my comfy clothes and climb into bed within fifteen minutes and why; for me, if I could do that, then I could pretend the day didn’t happen. When I failed it meant I had to live with my life choices and that was only more failure, like today I slept too long, spent too much time looking up some Polish model on Pinterest, and how about my motivation? How many times today did I forget to pick up my feet, to speak loudly and proudly, to not give up to not quit, hell I picked up treats for the dog and a snack for myself, we walked, I put on my hoodie, and after lunch, I passed out without a second thought to my sins.

Madam Justice, to be honest, I have forgotten why I even wrote this rule but if anything sometimes it is a blessing to erase everything and the unfortunate part about that is that I can imagine a better time than now. However, unlike those, who say “It Gets Better” I only imagine worse both past and future and my god how I’m fighting to have hope for the present when all I want to do is “Scream.” It was too damn easy to forget that I even had a father for Father’s Day and you know I love my dog like pancakes, but I don’t recollect being his father sometimes when all he wants is to be loved, Madam Justice.

Things I wish I could forget, the bitch, other various brunettes that I see throughout the day everywhere like that model “Aneta Cetera,” how about lust, lunch, and of course love as it was today. What I’d like to remember, Detroit: Become Human, the fact that I want a future and at the “Same Damn Time” “I Want To Know What Love Is” but *sigh* Sometimes You May Even Forget.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 351 ~You’re A Leg Man~

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If only my legs, these hands, my heart would work as well as my ears, I need my body to know infusion with all these words I’ve been listening to lately and if women aren’t enough motivation, what will it take? “You’re A Leg Man” maybe

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Lesson 351 ~You’re A Leg Man~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, probably not when you’re always running from your past, excuse me did I say running, more like walking, shuffling, crawling, cuddling with the dog until he needs something which is the only way you get moving. No wonder you would stand your ground against the dead because most of them shuffle faster than you do but the point is you’re moving forward you only feel it isn’t fast enough and I can agree.

If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
Martin Luther King Jr. 1929 ― 1968

It occurs to me that you need a lesson on what your legs are good for, what your breathing means to you, and all the hours of the day you waste, I swear I’m going to sound like one of those motivational speeches you’re fond of nowadays. All that’s holding you back is you. Don’t you understand that; the day before finding out about your Al Bundy shift you couldn’t move and last night seeing the schedule is being redone you almost jumped for joy. Your legs have one purpose, and that’s to get you where you want to go, and I know they feel itchy, like a hundred ant bites… what happened there but your legs brought you to the table so what is an accomplishment, six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 92** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 99** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 100% Of The Prophet By Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Maiden” By Celia Aaron
Completed
6. I Will “Select” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”
Completed

Your son has four legs, and it’s about time you catch up to him, being the one thing I failed last week, talk about being ashamed, from locking him out of my bedroom to buying the wrong Dentastixs and not wanting to chase all over and now covering half of one in peanut butter… defeats the purpose. What about when it comes to girls, sure you want some girl to spread her legs for you, and yet you’re not ready to do all the running that is required, and it seems to me that maybe, pretty much always means no, so don’t be a “Flake.” Sex is the easy and so much fun, but you must focus on putting one foot in front of the other, and six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 99** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 75% Of Psychopath’s Prey by V.F. Mason
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Prophet” By Celia Aaron
6. I Will “Edit” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”

“Legs are for men’s pleasure; breasts are for babies.” (Lib McGovern) Pat Frank, Alas, Babylon

Speaking of easy this stuff is easy you want to know what’s hard, pick up your left foot, forward, put it down, pick up your right foot, repeat, put it down, and I don’t care how often you have to remind yourself of this but do it. People say you’re always running at work and do you know why, FUCK FEAR, you run because you don’t belong there, you run because your dog needs you, run because there is some unfuckable goddess who’s been waiting for you, or someone “easy.”

Get out of your head, stop staring at breasts on the internet, and move, don’t give up, don’t ever give up, because you can be the type of man you want to be, but for now You’re A Leg Man.

Run Boy Run by Woodkid

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 350 ~A Black Magic Worry~

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Magic, Day Job, Al Bundy, Fear, Words, Humanity, Desperation, Friendship, Vices, Faith, Therapy, Lesson, Journal, Lady Lu, Will Bradford Jr.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Lesson 350 ~A Black Magic Worry~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, if this was Hell and you were a goddess I would say no… do you see what happens when you get the answers you seek, and though this isn’t Hell per se and I like to think of you as only a girl, you’re getting pretty close. Two more worries but maybe that’s the wrong word, the right one as always is Fear and Lady Luna I am afraid of what’s next.

With everything that has happened this week the fact that I have lost my faith in magic should “worry” me more or at least I thought I had until last night, I made not have faith in God but how often have I found a friend in Satan. I said to “Okay” if I could know anything it would be the time of my death and even now that seems considerably better than what I do know; “Cherry” did a Tarot Reading and said that a change was coming in my job. A horrible shift though she didn’t know all that and I already feel stupid for how I’m taking this, but I am idiotic regardless, come not this week but the next, I’m Al Bundy, I’m Alone With Doggie.

Two full days of working in the Shoe Department, now my anxiety nearly got the best of me and like when Negan was hiding from the dead I almost “rubbed one out” so I could calm down. Sex or masturbation always helps me sleep, mindless violence revs me up, drugs can keep me grounded, and pain; I’m no cutter, but actual kicking and punching inanimate objects brings me focus. There’s also the idea of burying this great fear under an avalanche of worry, all the work that I need to do, losing another friend on Facebook, I don’t think “Psychopath’s Prey” is helping with that and what about that photo of “Eileen Kelly” almost like finding “Little Lupe” once again.

If I had never got that Tarot Reading what would I think today, would I blame my stupidity in making my schedule, perhaps I have some enemy I don’t know about, you know I have to protect my “Energy” or is it my time for this shit? Talk about motivation, because other than my dog sadly I think I’ve had a somewhat decent week but today I have to “Hold On,” A Black Magic Worry.

I Will Have No Fear