Lesson 340 ~I’m Your #1 Fan~

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It’s probably a sin this didn’t work out the way I was picturing it, why I’m not a reactor, and even less of a reviewer am I right; fame and fortune and women, how many of my sins come back to that, my ultimate fandom. I’m Your #1 Fan.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Lesson 340 ~I’m Your #1 Fan~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, at least before I go to Hell, in the meantime a brother has to stay warm however he can and for today’s sin, if you’re paying attention, it’s been all about my fandoms, Quantic Dream “Detroit: Become Human,” “The Walking Dead”, etc.

Now several of these actually consist of multiple sins, but I’ve chosen to focus on four, and no I do not include Treachery, though I’m sure I’m guilty of that as well but what am I the number one fan of; I mentioned my mother destroying TMNT once *sigh* if she knew me now sadly.

“I got news for ‘hem… There’s gonna be hell to pay. ‘Cause I ain’t daddy’s little boy no more.” ― Nada/Roddy Piper, They Live (1988)

FRAUD, fake it to you make it they say and everyday Inspector Echo, I want to, I “try,” but I’m nothing to them, and I can’t even stand to look at my face in the mirror sometimes, I’ve disappeared, I’m not me anymore, or worse, them. It would have been okay to be daddy’s little sports fanatic, or a religious nutcase, to stay the butt of all their jokes. I was telling “Cherry” I can’t wipe this smile off my face for anything, a crime.

Maybe that’s why I bathe in blood… not for real Inspector Echo but give me “The Purge,” The Walking Dead, the riot in Detroit: Become Human, like those androids yes I wholeheartedly agree VIOLENCE is one of the universal languages. Much like music, it’s taken me years, but I understand the let’s say, physical conations in rap music and rock, but how many fights have I been in; next time…

Speaking of which ANGER, thinking and doing but that rage I swear sometimes it just overtakes me and sometimes watching other people indulge… to think if I said watching people engage in sex, I’m into voyeurism (Consensual), people would call me a peeping tom. Anyway, what I like about anger it’s like wearing an executioner’s mask or something akin to The Joker, but again I hate smiling, and in my rage, I become something different, more or less human, right?

LUST, of course, is my favorite because I can equate it to everything, today I wanted to more or less create a list of fandoms but as I said Detroit Become Human (North, Chloe, Kara), The Walking Dead, The Purge, “The Hunger Games,” “Divergent,” I could go on. Now, of course, this is a big subject, and maybe I don’t want to ruin something else… I mean The Walking Dead is losing Rick Grimes and possibly Maggie (NO), and I’ve already spoiled Detroit Become Human watching other people’s walkthroughs honestly.

“Mama don’t like tattletales.” Nada

So what do I need forgiveness for, Inspector Echo please forgive me for not enjoying other people’s fandoms, sports for one; I’m sorry I’m not just a fan of mine but I become Annie Wilkes obsessed, I’m Your #1 Fan.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 339 ~I Choose You Waifu~

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A thousand choices shout praises I read once but does it matter when all those choices are wrong or you don’t know anything about them, like Detroit: Become Human I almost forgot to mention it today. I Choose You Waifu, over my new favorite obsession

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Lesson 339 ~I Choose You Waifu~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, could you love me before, out of the billions in the world and how many choices leading to the right answer of you and me, us and them, the whole world? Where does one even begin, to tell you the truth I’d given up. I could make you an angel because I’d gone through Hell, a princess, a queen, my belle because I was a dragon, a beast. A storybook heroine and I became a writer so I could hold a woman like you in my arms somehow, someway I chose you.

“But I’ve already chosen. But this woman must also choose me.” Jake Sully, Avatar (2009)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-mYK2_XLP8

Perhaps this is what I’ve never understood, the reason I need to hear it every day, I want you, I need you, I love you, I choose you, More Than Words, because for so long I didn’t know you were real, hell I didn’t want you to be. I figured I’d screw up, maybe I already had, and no I’m not looking for some overblown story like HIMYM in fact if you liked that show’s ending who knows where we would be. Speaking of fandoms I wasn’t looking to hate or to love, but more for all that I could never have and the man I could never hope to be, theirs, yours my love?

“If you weren’t real, I would make you up now
I wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true” ― Honey And The Moon

Instead, I saw you in every book I read, scary when you think it’s a mess of YA love stories, Dark Erotica, Dystopian Romance, and apocalypse survivors, if I were the only boy in the world and you were the only girl, would make you choosing me simpler. My Pinterest *sigh* I think I finally realize reminded me of math tests, I write the problem over and over, and when I found you when I chose to be with you, I finally needed an answer. “Unthinkable” isn’t it… that you were in every song, I chose to play about love for you to “Stay With Me,” about the “Power” to be the man for you. To be only a man because I’m only “Human,” and I thought that would be “Easy Street” but “We Are People.”

Hold On, everything will be alright when I thought about the two of us together, I may have had no clue who to choose when I was voting today (anybody who might support Trump didn’t get it) but with you, well… “I know I got to be right now ’cause I can’t get much wronger.” So you’re my choice, and every day I will choose you; I Choose You Waifu.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 338 ~Pour The Bisquick, Expect Pancakes~

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Abraham Ford, now there was a good man and Rick Grimes who was the father in The Walking Dead, and its hero; well, I guess we all have to grow up sometime and start making breakfast for ourselves. Pour The Bisquick, Expect Pancakes and make them good

Monday, June 4, 2018

Lesson 338 ~Pour The Bisquick, Expect Pancakes~

Thirty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, considering this will be somewhat of a repeated lesson, Rule Fifteen, Lesson 198 “I Take My Own Lumps” but this is more about responsibility in both failures and with success? Also, you’ve heard me tell this story before “I love my dog like pancakes” first because he ate my waffles, French Toast, whatever so Pancakes is what I have left, secondly he’s my son, and I couldn’t love him more if I “poured the Bisquick” to make him, I’m Dad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V45jR4qlHfw

This rule is a reminder that if you do something you must accept the consequences both good and evil and you deal; being an African-American man I’ve heard more than my fair share of absent father rhetoric. My father, other than from a financial standpoint wasn’t one for affection, other than cheating on my mom but that’s another story, the thing is even when cheating, my half-brother, myself, my sister and discovered half-brother were taken care of honestly. Every action we take, like “Detroit: Become Human” you knew that was coming right, reshapes the world and our destiny and if you perform a particular action you must expect or at least be prepared for the repercussions of such a performance.

One thing I can’t tolerate is evil that refuses to acknowledge itself; they say true evil believes that it’s doing good and I agree somewhat but then I look at Trump and his peons and I mean if you’re going to be racists well go ahead but don’t try to hide it. You see Bisquick can make other things besides pancakes and even if you’re hoping for pancakes they could still be god awful. I’m reminded some of “World War Z” not sure if this is a rule, but it will be “Remember, Be The 10th Man” you know The Tenth Man Rule, how you must expect the unexpected if only life was so exciting.

However, if you have sex with a woman, you either make a baby, or you don’t, of course, you can take precautions, but things have that 99% guarantee for a reason, like believing in God in case there is a Heaven. When it comes to my dog though, I adored him the moment I saw the ball of fluff, and I will love and protect him until the end Justice.

I’m a man; my father might not have been a great one, good, alright, whatever but he looks after his responsibilities, and I will; as well when it comes to my life if you smell what The Will is cooking… Pour The Bisquick, Expect Pancakes.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 337 ~Fire Those Evolving Desire~

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Fire burns and you need more to keep it going, more trends, beauty, and hours in the day and still I waste so many already and am I getting any closer to what is fact, my final state of happiness maybe. Fire Those Evolving Desire.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Lesson 337 ~Fire Those Evolving Desire~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, that little boy that thought Two Hundred dollars would fix everything and now you have more than you could have dreamed of and I know you’re not happy? Evolution, yeah you can’t put all of this on the brain, considering last night, you feel such disappointment, a second wet dream in eighty-five days of “No FAP” at least this time you remember the vision; if people only knew.

Speaking of what set you off and what people know, while this may be more of a conversation for “Dirty Diana” I was sure it would have been someone from “Detroit: Become Human” either Chloe, Kara, or North but no, however choking was involved… not penis wise otherwise, reset the clock. Your writing is going slower but progressing, finding out you want something definitely helps a bit but so many responsibilities, help the girl, make more money, write which is what you want to do and who knows. It always starts with a goal but that success is becoming like your fad, once upon a time it was “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” TMNT, mom killed that one but what about those six impossible things hmm:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 78* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed? (Day 85** No Fap) Two Wet Dreams In 85 Days
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed
3. I Will Edit Five Chapters At Least Of My Novel
Failed, Two Edited
4. I Will Complete Whispers In The Dark
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Maiden” by Celia Aaron
Failed
6. I Will Edit One Hundred Poems (Book)
Failed, 47 Poems

As much as you contradict yourself, some things won’t know denial, for example, “Chloe” but I ended up dreaming about Maggie from “The Walking Dead because brunettes can’t be denied and once upon a time it was Asian girls. You want friends, but those people are stopping you from working, you even had to cut the phone off today; you want to listen, but you want to rest, you want to fight, but you shy away from conflict. Desire is desire, but you should pick one; tried that after “The Hunger Games” came out, then there was “Divergent,” “Article 5,” “The 5th Wave,” “Beyond Series,” “Fever Series,” six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 85** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Edit Five Chapters At Least Of My Novel
4. I Will Complete 50% Of The Prophet By Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Maiden” By Celia Aaron
6. I Will Edit One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”

If anything, it’s excellent to want a world where nothing is beyond desire, and I say that because I will have it all one day, symbolic rapper logic, idolizing Scarface and all but should you focus more on what you don’t want maybe. You know that you don’t wish for the day job forever that’s for damn sure, you don’t want to stick to a schedule and have the luxury to enjoy life, reading is good but even if you got a PS4, Detroit Become Human, when would you play?

You can’t afford to go burning money, not anymore, and with less than a month to go on this blog seriously Fire Those Evolving Desire.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 336 ~Today’s Word Is ‘ Discombobulated’~

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Is there a more confusing word than love, trust me other than taking care of the dog I have only known confusion, beginning and endings, and a desire to play one video game if you’re keeping track. Today’s word Is Discombobulated.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Lesson 336 ~Today’s Word Is ‘ Discombobulated’~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, hell that’s all you’ve been doing, you and your friends, since I got back into writing, maybe I should ask can I love you again and even now that word escapes me. Less than a month to see and I ask myself have I found any new loves, do I feel any better? I know I’ve had some good days, but I still feel so out of it lately, and of course, I should, work nearly killed me or dare I say, people, real and fiction.

Being torn apart by two worlds, what other word is there but Discombobulated, disconnected, unbalanced, thrown into confusion, perhaps fear gets a bad rap because I can always point out what makes me afraid. Nowadays when I’m not wasting time, I’m like MacGregor on the Colony, creating conspiracy after conspiracy some right on the money, others downright idiotic. Maybe I am going crazy or crazier, still making moves on one woman, while getting made fun of by some girl, and even thinking I’m living with a poltergeist, with a taste for Mr. Goodbars and Pop Tarts, amongst other things honestly.

I can’t get “Detroit: Become Human” off of the brain, I know I’ve probably failed most of my six impossible things, and at this rate, I won’t be getting paid the week after next, my damn day job. It could all be stress, and the method I usually employ to alleviate that stress is off-limits and would leave me depressed anyway, another two words, being pent up wanting to do something and then again wanting to climb into my bed, Bipolar. A part of me wants to dive into “The Art Of Peace,” but I have more stuff to read that isn’t helping the whole hiatus I have going on, but sex is everywhere Luna.

Even your name I think I should change to “Chloe”… Detroit: Become Human but then what happens when the next craze comes into play and you know there is always something else on the horizon, I can barely keep up. One of the reasons I like the rain except driving in it, the rain makes everything slow down, tears, hot showers, stopping pretty girls from leaving, you catch my meaning.

I’m more of a fire person, or I like to think so and didn’t I say I miss the anger, I miss the sex, and I miss being able to keep the house at a reasonable temperature. Machines, my mind, *sigh* “Today’s Word Is ‘Discombobulated.’”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 335 ~A Little Write Longer~

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Hold on just a little while longer; I told myself that at work, riding through today’s storm, and nearly every single day when it comes to waking up and I believe everything will be alight and why is that? “A Little Write Longer.”

Friday, June 1, 2018

Lesson 335 ~A Little Write Longer~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, did you ever stop, and you’re only holding on for hope in something, so close to letting go but you just can’t because for some reason you believe everything will be alright? How many times this week have I mentioned “Detroit: Become Human,” and one of the things bugging me is “The End,” “And They Live Happily Ever After” or even if they don’t this story has torn me apart Lady Sophia.

What does that say about my writing, is that why I’m feeling so depressed besides witnessing the end of a great story, it’s like going to the movies without reading the book but in this instance the film is glorious, the game itself might destroy me. So many endings Lady Sophia but I’m trying to abstain, and then again I think about the end of my book. I read somewhere that the key to a protagonist is figuring out what they want and making sure they never get it; my main character gets plenty of sex but what about this thing they call love honestly?

“There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want; the other is getting it.” Yuri Orlov, Lord Of War

I know I’m always repeating myself but what did I say about my habit of writing the problem over and over, hoping that the answer will someday come to me and even if it did what’s next. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I’ll live as I believe, Whitney Houston sang that but I’m not living at all, too afraid of both outcomes and that’s why I keep writing as if I indeed have much more to say. Stupid how I struggle for the words then and I don’t think they’re missing it’s only the fact that I want so much that The End is impossible and when it comes, well here’s today.

“I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I want blood, guts and chocolate cake
I wanna be a real fake.”
Marina & The Diamonds

We’re not immortal Lady Sophia, them again “Don’t Fear The Reaper” instead he fears me but today how many times have I listened to this song. It’s like my new “Easy Street,” and the street is far from easy, passed right by the post office, got caught in a storm, etc. No one knows the future, only one more reason to be a writer, one more reason to live a thousand lives through art because this one life I know I have is going nowhere fast, but I’m moving forward aren’t I or I was.

So I’ll hold on just a little while longer, tomorrow hopefully will be a productive day but who knows the future, that would be writers, but frankly I’m tired and still, A Little Write Longer.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 334 ~Just A Love Machine~

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Brothels are targets and others who work in the legal sex industry by the government, but boys must have their toys, and for once I don’t mean guns. Personally, I would settle for a PS4 and a copy of Detroit: Become Human. “Just A Love Machine?”

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Lesson 334 ~Just A Love Machine~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again, wait why am I asking, because that’s what you do right, then again you don’t ask to kiss the girl, to make love, or hell to fall in love, no wonder men and women are in serious trouble. We’ve forgotten what it means to have simple relationships, where every word can get you into trouble, the idea that we analyze and scrutinize everything, that some resort to crime because what is love and sex is mechanics.

If you’ve been listening to me these last few days, you know I have become “obsessed” yes, that’s the word some use with me but what about the new game “Detroit: Become Human” or more to the point the characters Kara, North, and Chloe. Stupid I suppose how often I fall for characters but what about real women, I wouldn’t call myself a love machine but more a laugh factory and don’t we laugh at those guys who buy “Real Dolls” yeah and I spent a year writing to Abyss Creations. You see the internet is full of companies advertising fake girlfriends, bots all over the place, and what is a dominant but someone who falls but for a submissive and uses those traits to serve themselves and the relationship?

Where would I even begin designing the perfect lover though I’m sure a few girls know my tastes and give it another year or so and there will be robotic lovers, and this is the way the world ends. Now I could tell you all about the sex, check the warning but it happens you know, a guy not being in the mood, I suppose we are the sum of our parts, the penis one way, my heart breaking, my mind angry, and most of it over a video game. I’d say I wish I was a machine and with my whole “No Fap” policy I feel like I want to explode but if I leak anything, it will be tears, sweat, or blood, not that I’m into that type of play to be sure.

Machines have been letting me down lately or more like the people who write shows since I’m only talking about TV and I didn’t have to watch that walkthrough, but I was hooked you know. I know what humans are capable of and here we are, as we created God in our image so too we develop machines, to do things that humans are having a hard time with; yes sex is one thing but *sigh* Just A Love Machine?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 333 ~The Stench Of Defeat~

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Can you smell what the Will is cooking, despite one good endorsement everything else around here stinks to high Heaven, or maybe that’s me, working too hard or scared of looking like I’m hardly working? “The Stench Of Defeat”

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Lesson 333 ~The Stench Of Defeat~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, even when I can’t smell what The Rock is cooking, maybe when all there is to breathe is more shrimp or microwave dinners. I’ve never thought to turn the oven on since being here. How about the stress sweat but I’m too lazy to go looking for the commercial, I should probably go and take a shower if I wasn’t nearly drowning already with so many waves.

What about so many smells; it took me forever to get out of the scent of gummy bears I ripped into after work; my cooking range is limited enough, but today, I’ve only had barbecue chips and candy. Speaking of limited time, how about all that time spent tagging clothes at work today, when everybody looks at you as a failure, when you try to help a coworker, and you overstay your welcome, not to mention good ole S.A.D. It doesn’t help matters any that as hot as it is, I’m wearing my security blanket, my hoody for most of the day, you know right?

Cleanliness is next to godliness they say, but I’m just a man, and if anything, men do stupid things, I got a bit into “Manscaping” all because of women, and at this rate, it doesn’t matter, to be honest. Hell Inspector Echo how long did I go without a shower during all my days of writing oh yeah and spoiling myself watching a walkthrough of “Detroit: Become Human,” I’m addicted, but that’s only making me work harder on my writing isn’t it? Yes, that’s what I’m doing, I’m spoiling because if you’re not living you’re dying and either way it goes all I want to do is cover myself in something dirty and some green.

Preferably I would instead go with cremation but when it comes to dirt, the muck and the mire, something that straight up stinks, it’s the ideas that come into my mind, and that’s not stopping anytime soon. What about the elephant in the room, I’m the shit, or I should believe that because this is the only way anything is going to get done; with as messy as I am now all I want to do is sleep in my cool “clean” bed just saying.

I’m sorry Inspector Echo, will you forgive me for stinking up the joint, for being too hot under the collar and in my pants, for neglecting myself in this and for the dirty mind that keeps me sane, ooh that smell The Stench Of Defeat.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 332 ~Bend The Knee Will~

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Still struggling with my phone, all the girls text me nowadays, and that beats all the news that you can’t avoid these days and there wouldn’t be if people were allowed to take a knee, kneel to whoever or agree to love one another. Bend The Knee Will

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Lesson 332 ~Bend The Knee Will~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, you know how I feel about God, but here I am wondering “How Do You Talk To An Angel” without my phone that is, hell more “like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite” right? We fall in love, we can’t help ourselves because sometimes love is sick, it can be Heavy In Your Arms, and perhaps you’ll kick it under the couch, yeah aren’t we all fond of our phones my love.

There is nothing wrong with a man kneeling when he plays with his children, to think my “father” always spoke about my hair as a mess because I would be on the floor playing, that man knows nothing about affection. What about my first born, my little four- legged son is so short but I’m always talking to him, letting him climb in my lap, feeding him, and he’s not getting any younger. Neither am I; you can hear the crick in my knees, a man takes care of his family, and that doesn’t mean only financial obligations baby girl.

Then again I want that phone back, boys and their toys right, but there is a time to stand and didn’t I, right beside you, and ever since then, by your side, back to back, again I’m not one for God, but you’re my rib.

I have a spine to say I will kneel with those players who are protesting the injustices of this country and I will stand against those who wish nothing more than to destroy the ideals of our home; another thing to love about you and why I love us. This love I have for you, for all our children, for the place that we call home; if they don’t let people kneel quietly in protest we may be in for a world of trouble indeed.

There is many a reason to kneel, and you might have been the greatest one of all, the Greatest Love Of All, The Sweetest Taboo, and look who found their phone, and you’re mad but “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg.”

So “Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong” or maybe I should be running, I have to stay in shape a bit, but we’re still not becoming some football watching family despite how I support their reason to protest. Now the kids are calling for their rendition of “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” so guess I’ll “Bend The Knee Will.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 331 ~If It Exists, There’s Porn~

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I won’t take credit for this rule or a lot of them to be sure, but this one is a fundamental concept when it comes to being online, and at least I know the law, the rules unlike some in our government. “If It Exists, There’s Porn”

Monday, May 28, 2018

Lesson 331 ~If It Exists, There’s Porn~

Thirty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, even as I sit here and reiterate one of the fundamental rules that guide the Internet; I can only still estimate what brought about my fear, but my introduction to this concept was “Tenchi Muyo!” and movie channels.

One can only imagine who came up with this rule, indeed how do I come up with mine Two Hundred And Forty-Six and you know the plan is Three Hundred And Sixty-Five but this single rule governs many men. You know I have been working on my poetry compilation and every girl who made that list some time ago has porn online albeit a few fakes, but you would think that some of the actresses would crack down on this maybe. I’ve seen designers upset that game girls are used in such ways but again nobody honestly stops it and with how the government has been cracking down on escorts and brothels recently… does that offend you more than dead children, hell nearly everybody nowadays.

We are all trying to live in a fantasy because the real world; I don’t know anymore but I’ll admit, I’m a slave to it myself. Here I haven’t watched one episode of “Game Of Thrones,” but I have at least three actresses in what “Cherry” calls my spank bank, Pinterest. Before you shoot me; a dirty look, check out all the girls, cosplayers, “Killer And A Sweet Thang” anime, movies, Cherry herself. I’ve even had a mom send me a naked picture, any woman that says she doesn’t want someone to find her attractive physically is a liar but “#metoo.” If I told you half the things I’ve looked up from Sunday to now, my what you would think, the lesser being those girls from “Detroit: Become Human” Kara and North, coming soon possibly.

Maybe the real world has become nothing more than one big porno or at least a strip club and like everything else we want to record it, HD, CG, 3D, hell IMAX and if it’s between sex and death I will choose the former. In both, the stakes keep getting bigger though because nobody wants the rule of law, the rules, and you know what kind of guy I am Madam Justice, people make me worse because I don’t hide but I should I think.

Sometimes at least and I take my sickest, vilest, most depraved and perverted desires and lock them away but if you ask me I’m an open book, free and open Internet for everybody but still If It Exists, There’s Porn.

I Will Have No Fear