Tag: Family

Saga 102 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies~

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I’m a sucker for pain, yet I look at it strangely. I can’t stand seeing B and V hurt. I hate hunting but respect farms for animals. Women must be respected, but I’m a fan of X-Rated. But I’m paying for the doc. Not for Braxton’s And Virgil’s Ouchies.

Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Saga 102 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but another truth is this. I’m just a “Sucker For Pain,” my love. Sadist, no doubt.

But when I’m talking about Braxton and now Virgil… Again I’m a selfish bastard. Why? Because I didn’t allow Braxton to hurt anymore? Yeah, baby doll, I’m back on these books about dead fur babies. Euthanasia. I couldn’t stand to see Braxton like that. Dying. Looking away, though, was never an option. To see the most beautiful thing and ugliest. Now I look at little Virgil here. I’ll have to go out despite anything and everything. An empty bag, an empty bowl, no. A man provides for his family. I do say that, hmm, love. But while I’m out, there’s something else I need to do, isn’t there? Besides worrying about Virgil’s nails, him getting a bath, an annual checkup? If I wasn’t so lazy.

Or so much of a sadist. Baby girl, I get no pleasure seeing you and the kids like this. To quote another song, “this love is killing me.” Then I would stay, wouldn’t I? If I liked watching what I was doing. Or if I wanted to suffer for it. Even with Braxton. Confession? I usually leave them for Inspector Echo. But the day before B III died, I left the house a bit. I needed to get food. And it wasn’t for Braxton because he wasn’t eating. Would I have let the vet drug him up if I could do it all over again? He could have fries and all his favorites for another few days. I am strange when it comes to pain.

And that’s why I’d be going out to see the doc even if I didn’t have to fetch V’s food. Oh, it isn’t the fact I’m trying to save money. A billionaire that wears jeans and hoodies everywhere. And hates being around most people. Well, with my business exception, ha. Funny, I wanted a business based on Fornication, Flimsy dressing requirements. All so I could have a Family. These things demand medical care. When it came to B III… money. I would have paid anything or gone full John Q. And now, with Virgil’s health care, once again, I’m a prick. With my mental state and the needs of you and our children. What? I should be a masochist, sigh. First, Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies.

618 Days Without B III, Day 059 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 099 ~To B Invited Virgil~

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When was the last time I was invited anywhere? 2019 and that was to B’s Aunt’s wedding. How much did I spend to go? I trust the science, but how do I feel after a week of meds? I invited V to stay. I thought he was someone else… “To B Invited Virgil”

Saturday, October 8, 2022

Saga 099 ~To B Invited Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m living the dream. Is it sad to believe that money is life, Lunalesca?

I’m still waiting for the money I spent to start existing again somehow. I’m beginning to think that $17.09 wasn’t the right price. And should I go and fetch Braxton’s paperwork? Oh, right, that wasn’t to save him at all. I’m not crying, Lunalesca. If anything, I want to sleep. What about the price for Virgil? I’m pretty sure I’m not saving him, either. Then again, if something happens to me… That’s a plus for him being like B III. Having the idea, I want to go all John Dorie (FTWD 6×8 The Door), and I don’t… Ok, so I’m fighting to live, and again how is that going so far? I invited Virgil into this house, and for what, I ask? To not die.

To not die. That’s why there’s an infection in my body because I was doing something to make me feel alive. I wanted to know I existed. And Lunalesca, not a day passes I want to. Hell! The highlight of my day Is when I get to take another pill, and then I hope. Every stomach ache I get. When I feel a twinge of pain. You know, healing, curing, surviving. That’s the worst thing of all, Lunalesca. These insane thoughts say that one day, everything will be normal again. Like before Tuesday, January 11, 2022. Well, fuck me, Lady Luna. First, you wouldn’t ever. Second, pardon my language. And third, Lu, most importantly, what about Sunday, January 31, 2021? Braxton was invited to wherever.

The only place I’m invited to is the Day Job. Only they don’t want me there either. The American Way. My Republican tendencies. I should teach a History class as they do. Forced migration? I should feel ashamed, but that’s what birth was like. Emergence, Existence? Before I forget, Virgil’s birthday is coming up. Seeing the Day Job schedule, though? What will I do for Virgil Vivi? It’s clear. He doesn’t feel welcome in this house. In truth, that makes two of us. Again if Virgil weren’t here, I would’ve found the courage to leave. Lunalesca, why do I stay? Why do I try? Braxton hasn’t invited me yet to follow him wherever he is now. He’s not Virgil? Mad hope. To B Invited Virgil

615 Days Without B III, Day 056 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 095 ~B Lonely Virgil And…~

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I don’t remember exactly when I met B III or the day I wasn’t lonely with him here. I was alone For 15 years and 11 months, but I wasn’t lonely. Now’s there, Virgil. We’ve had good days and bad. Um, now I feel lonelier than ever. B Lonely Virgil And…

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Saga 095 ~B Lonely Virgil And…~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could have much more than a man cave. A Castle, Colosseum, a Conclave…

I imagine our home is all the above and then some. Why am I under siege? Why are we fighting, or are we two people talking? That’s the whole point, isn’t it? I don’t want to be attacked or to fight. I don’t feel like talking. But I haven’t felt like talking since Sunday, January 31, 2021. And I’ve been much too tired since Tuesday, January 11, 2022. I know. Yeah, it’s all about B. It’s been 611 days now. And with V, we’re on day 52, my love. Hell! Why don’t I see a doctor since The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident? 10 months? Fuck! Pardon my language, but what would be the lonely equivalent of such a word? Never mind, don’t answer that, love.

Another point. How can I be lonely when I have love in my heart? Well, what’s left of it anyway. And I don’t want to turn into a “Christian” and go all love endures… everything. I’m more of one for the movies. I love a dead man. Is that perhaps too vague? I’m a bit like Trinity from “The Matrix.” I love my boy, Braxton. Neo was the one, remember? Braxton, I’ll admit, is a better name, though. I can’t forget it, which brings me to Virgil Vivi Bradford. I constantly remind myself to say his name when I’m not saying B III’s for everything. Then there’s everyone and everything I love, and I feel lonely today. I wonder why?

I have you, my love, my baby doll. And yet I wake up so cold. Brr! Yes, the air conditioner is still good. But I have about as much faith in it as I have in B III being reincarnated. Hell! I can be all wrapped up with you, and I’m sure the kids would like to join us too. Only I’m in no mood. Well, considering it’s Friday, September 30, 2022. Time Travel, sigh. I could go get Virgil, but I know how that would end. He’d be hacking away like I’m the worst person ever. I’ve never made that a secret. And with you and our children? My love? I know I’m not a good one anymore, right? A dick, depressed, depraved. Mr. Lonely, B Lonely Virgil, And…

611 Days Without B III, Day 052 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 092 ~Mr. Braxton, Virgil, Lonely~

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No attempt to monologue. I could write something else after the writing I did for the horrible week ahead. Not like B III is here. V’s in B’s room. And while you can be scared when you’re sleeping, I’m not “lonely.” Then “Mr. Braxton, Virgil, Lonely”

Saturday, October 1, 2022

Saga 092 ~Mr. Braxton, Virgil, Lonely~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I believe I would be if I woke up on time. Even my bladder waited.

TMI? Or would you rather hear me cry about Braxton some more? I even had my morning tear fest, but I couldn’t tell you about what. That’s how zoned out I’ve been; you know Lu. To think I was burning; what was it a couple of weeks ago? And now I’m freezing and not in a “this is the police” sort of way. And I’m not touching the thermostat, Lunalesca. Honestly, I’m not touching anything nowadays. It’s all like ice and glass, so you know. And, “Ah shit, here we go again.” I tell you, it’s like “Inception”… sexual thoughts. Then I’m all about the nerdy girls again. Perhaps, I should see a professional… whatever. Lunalesca, we’re supposed to be talking about my son, sigh.

But what about the other little doggie sleeping in his own room? Hell! It was a Saturday like this. What 49 days ago? I was about to say; I’m fucking up as a… what? I’m not his father or friend, and I don’t want to be his foe. I don’t know who I am, Lunalesca, right? I’ve been saying it for days. That my faith in Virgil being the reincarnation of my “Lost Boy” is dwindling. They say it can take up to 3 months or more… I was nowhere near my best when I first met Braxton. I even look at V’s name now. He was dead, leading Dante. And the only reason I’m not dead now is that Virgil needs things. Takes money

Which is one more reason I’m late talking to you. Besides the porno break, I did check my bank account. How pathetic is it that I debated getting a chicken bucket all last night? Not even for a family. Lady Lunalesca, I could drive down the street and get it myself, but, oh no. I ate a plate of pizza rolls and a bunch of peanuts. So what about going out today? It’s strange not heading out to Petsmart every Saturday looking for B III. And now? Sooner or later, I will have to make that walk for Virgil and me. That aisle, groomers, Banfield. Well, I worked so hard yesterday to buy time today. Finished what I was reading for Mr. Braxton, Virgil, Lonely.

608 Days Without B III, Day 049 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 088 ~Virgil Says B Love~

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How long did it take me to understand Triple B? I’m sure he doesn’t care that I always park on the home side of Walmart so I could pass the pet section and ask first. What does he need? A man provides, and that includes love. Virgil Says B Love.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Saga 088 ~Virgil Says B Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what does that say about me? About us? Money doesn’t speak for you, but me…

Not to sound like Philippe Weis, played by Vincent Kartheiser, but “there’s nothing I cannot buy.” Can’t buy me love, some say. My love don’t cost a thing, others argue. Financial freedom, wealth. I told you about my days of “Humiliations Galore.” My entire existence, well, the life I have with you now, has been all about riches galore. Treasure. Call it my Republican tendencies, me being a traditionalist. If a man can’t provide for a family, he shouldn’t have one. A man provides for his family. Security, Safety, Serenity. Then there came my boy. To think of all the years, I wanted a fur baby but my little sister. My father gave her a dog then, Braxton chose me. Welcome to your manhood Will.

Money was no object when it came to trying to save him. I mentioned Philippe Weis. What about another father, John Quincy Archibald, played by Denzel Washington? Philippe had all the money, but what about love? John had love but no money. Cash, heart, more, my love? Love is a word; money is a piece of paper. As much as I love you, our children, my boy. Viva La Vida. “I used to rule the world.” “Everybody Wants To Rule The World.” Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m watching Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral. Work comes first, ok? As I said, if my family doesn’t have it all, “How will I know?” How will you know, I ask? I know that I don’t want to be my “father.” NO, NOT EVER!

Hell! Before I met you, I had a townhouse. Most of my bills were taken care of. I could keep food in my belly. Oh, and there was always Braxton. I only knew living alone from Sunday, February 1, 2021, to Saturday, August 13, 2022. Then came little Virgil. $150.00. Did that say I love you to him? What about a new collar or his second bag of food? Am I going to be in the “doghouse” for this comparison? Like him, I leave you out of everything that I’m doing. I want to be by myself as I continue to mourn Braxton Barks. If Virgil is Braxton, I’m sure what he wants, and needs are like yours, my love. Um… Virgil Says B Love

604 Days Without B III, Day 045 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 085 ~B’s Life, V, Pizza…~

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I’m not Ben Affleck, Stephen Colbert, or Mia Goth, AKA “Pearl.” But can you guess which one I feel like presently? I wish I could write monologues like that. Or at least speak them out loud. Should I be grateful for this existence? B’s Life, V, Pizza

Saturday, September 24, 2022

Saga 085 ~B’s Life, V, Pizza…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So why wouldn’t I want to live? With that kind of money, Life Is Good, Lunalesca…

I said last week I went to see the movie “Pearl.” That’s how I feel right now. But no ax. It’s the hopelessness Pearl felt when she gave that monologue to Mitsy. That’s writing. Fuck, that’s living… or maybe not. It’s existing… um, Lady Lu, there’s clarity. It’s knowing. And I wake up every day with this knowledge. My son is dead. For the past 42 days, I know a little fur baby I named Virgil has been sitting here wanting something. I don’t know. Love? Hell! I wish I could remember how Pearl said it. Much too early for that. And I’m still debating whether I’ll even go out today. Ha, with what money? While I’m not eloquent, to the Man In The Mirror…

Do you know how much I hate you? I swear, every night you close your eyes, that’s the best part of my day. I imagine that maybe, just maybe, you’ll never open them ever again. Second, to Braxton living, I pray for you dying. It wouldn’t even matter if everything came out as long as you didn’t have to hear about it. Being special, a star, some dom, a sadist. No, you’re just a depraved, disgusting, dirty old man. Wasting your time with delusions of grandeur. And every day, you say in your existence that things will get better. You’ll try again tomorrow. But you never do. Not on any E-Day. Not since Sunday, January 31, 2021. Or Tuesday, January 11, 2022. You should die.

Yeah, Lady Lunalesca, something like that will never make the movies. And again, I thought about going out, but there’s still pizza. Sigh, with what money? And the Day Job? Something else to look forward to? The fact that somebody might take that shoe shift? One more miracle that’s not happening. But the things I consider miracles, dear Lady Lu. Didn’t Pearl learn to be “happy” with what you have? I’m never happy with anything. The idea of “Another Day.” I said I would stop saying that because that indifference killed my best friend. Yes, bring on the waterworks for today. At least I’m not sweating from the heat. The A/C’s fixed, but I’m going to Hell for my betrayal, Treachery. B’s Life, V, Pizza…

601 Days Without B III, Day 042 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

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I love to have someone to love. I would love to be loved. Yet everyone who has ever told me such has made me, as the song goes, “Make Me Wanna Die.” Then there’s a woman I’ve never met and my firstborn who never spoke a word… “Love To B V.”

Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now and leave it to a computer to ask do I feel loved. I’ll never doubt you.

But a week and some change, seeing as how I’m talking to you on Sunday, September 11, 2022. Do I love myself yet? Will I ever get over looking in the mirror, my love? Doubtful. Hell! I’m still looking at all these bills, the book series I have gotten into, and my browser history. Who could ever love someone like me? Again I do not doubt you, but how do I describe you? You’re the one that gives love meaning to me, and that’s enough love. I’m betting on the fact that I have yet to figure out Virgil. With Braxton, I’m not sure how long it took. Without him, it’s like being without air. And you are a breath that I need to take.

Baby Doll, I know all about not wanting to take the next one. Thirty-eight years has been one too many love. I feel the same way about these words. What am I saying, lover, inevitably? Scared to death? For so long, it’s been terrifying to stay and even more so to leave. It’s the only explanation for why I’m here. And when I sleep, there’s always such mad hope. Sinner’s dream, I know. Not to be religious but choosing the darkness rather than light? To close my eyes on the mere chance that I won’t have to open them again. But if I do? My son? I’ll be with my firstborn yet again. Do I feel loved? You’re here despite everything. I should feel lucky.

Why isn’t your love enough? I’ve always hated that saying. You know you have to love yourself first before you can love another. For 15 years… Hell! Always and forever, I will love Braxton, and I never gave a rat’s ass about myself. I got to get back to him, always. Love, is it that I don’t think I’m doing you justice like the dad in The Tomorrow War? He left his family. Talk about something I should have watched when we had Amazon Prime. Well, I am a billionaire. No, we are billionaires, but I don’t love Jeff Bezos. I don’t love TV… much. I wish I could say I didn’t love money. I love you “Still” and always. But Love To B V.

597 Days Without B III, Day 038 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 078 ~To B Virgil Sometime~

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What did he do wrong? That’s what Virgil must be asking himself. I’m taking him back to the “Rebeccas.” But he’d be cooler if they have A/C. Plus, I get hot and bothered over lots. Girls, groups of stupid people, giggling, etc. “To B Virgil Sometime”

Saturday, September 17, 2022

Saga 078 ~To B Virgil Sometime~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I sure as Hell don’t act like it. I’m trying my impression of a dead man.

Don’t I wish? If anything, I’m more disappointed, dirty, or disgusted with myself. And while I’m busy giving the “D” to the existence of a future… Becoming Daddy once again? I’d like to think I’d be doing much better if Braxton Barks were here. I have Virgil, or I don’t. I don’t know. I mean, physically, he’s here in the house. He probably wishes he was somewhere he could chill, literally. Fuck, Hemingway is going to ding my ass “LY.” Anyway, allow me to be selfish for a little bit longer. Yeah, leaving Virgil in his room as I “talk” to you. Yeah, if we were only talking right, Lady Lunalesca. Until I see some bit of porn or anything that leads to it, right?

Anything that leads to me taking my clothes off because of the heat. Virgil doesn’t have such luxury, does he? Locked into his fur as the temperature reaches eighty-eight degrees. He’s wondering what he did wrong. Why can’t I do anything to help him? Well, I could and I should. I was texting M Anime yesterday. Yes, I kept my word to Lady Sophia. So I was saying if I had that $630.00 I wasted on my “father’s” friend… Hell! I could afford to get Virgil and me both our own air conditioners. But again, I’m a selfish prick. Spending money on hot girls in movies. Yeah, I saw “Pearl” on Thursday. From Mia Goth to PearlsPeepShow.com. Then “thesaviorswife” on OnlyFans. Thinking about Milf Dos.

But what about the doggie no longer sitting in the window but in B’s Room? We are quite alike. Many days, I sat in a bedroom wondering what I did wrong. Isn’t that what I’m doing right now? And how can I fix it? As Worf put it when Q had no powers… DIE. Lunalesca, if Virgil wasn’t here, I would. If I didn’t have Braxton’s memory, I would. What’s another distraction? “He Lives In You.” In case you’re wondering, that’s me crying for today. Only that won’t do anything for the heat. Burning money on more books, ha. I also wanted to buy a buffalo chicken sandwich from Subway. Things getting me mad. No, not Virgil Vivi. Still to know; To B Virgil Sometime

594 Days Without B III, Day 035 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

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To wake up saying no, screaming, or all sexy. And when I’m awake, I look over my shoulder, wait for a surprise, or skulk around even when I’m alone. There ain’t no rest for the wicked, peace or happiness. Imagining things? “To B Relaxed V.”

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means we can afford a vacation. How about some good drugs? Settle for a snack?

Hell! Nothing beats sleep but everything. If there’s anything, I’ll give this E-Day come and gone. Getting a goodnight’s sleep. Now that’s a miracle. Oh, but I still wasted the day. Yep, I know, ok. That’s no good with us being parents, though sleep is in short supply. Especially rest. Love, I know that I haven’t rested since the 8th. Is that how many kids I want? With my Republican tendencies, I’m more of a traditionalist. You know, the Nuclear Family. 2.5 kids? And how many do we have now, plus V, who’s been here what a month and some change? But we’re not the type of family the GOP wants, except financially speaking, tokens. Being a black man’s hard. And a guilty one, Love.

One and the same? This is taking a different tone than I intended. But you never know what you’ll get when this man wakes up. I was speaking to you “In Dreams” and then… That’s the thing. Why do you think I have so many alarms on the phone? I need to know where I will be every moment of the day. Even if the reason’s passed away. Braxton remains on my phone. And now there are the fears I had before I knew the truth of what was happening. Could I share those with you, since I share everything else about my boy? To give voice to all these things… I don’t think you would be able to rest here with me. You’d leave…

I value your peace. Yours, the children, as Virgil lies here this Friday afternoon. Another reason I’m not relaxing is that I know what this Tuesday will bring. It could be so much worse. It’s my Old Man calling me about wrecking his tranquility by not allowing him to destroy mine. I’ve said it how many times now? I rather burn. And I fear I will. I’ve deserved it for a long time. But I still lie in fear of it. My emergence into Hell. E-Day, of course, when I had to talk to my Ma. Love, if I had my way… Being born here? There’s my rage at the world. All the humiliations to consider. Peace? For someone like me? To B Relaxed V.

590 Days Without B III, Day 031 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

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What is there to say when I’m selfish thinking of myself. I’m not much to talk about. High school, the Day Job might disagree. Now there are elections, a dead queen, the memorial of an attack. Neither V nor I want to go out. And B? Leaving Leaves B V

Saturday, September 10, 2022

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means days should be getting better, not worse. But I sat up and started crying.

About B? I could say I go back and forth some days. I’ve lost track over these 587 days; how many I’ve missed without a tear for him? More often than not. Could use a pool. Lunalesca, existence is way too much sometimes. 587 days without Braxton. And now 28 days with Virgil. Four weeks in, and he is already following suit. He sleeps a lot and doesn’t want to go out and explore. What do I know about this little boy that is almost 2? That we both don’t want to touch anything for fear of destroying it and taking the fall for it? Hell! I was looking at what I did on the eighth. It gives me chills, which I could use now.

I could be an upstanding American considering the date. Tomorrow is 9/11, and where was I back then? I sat in my senior English class, bemoaning my horrible existence. The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? The only difference is we could blame somebody else. Now I look at the country, and we can only blame ourselves, Lady Lunalesca. As the song goes, “We need a good assassination. We need an earthquake or a war. How ’bout a crooked politician? Hey stupid, that ain’t news no more.” Hell! We have all that and a bag of chips. Speaking of which, I should go shopping. Didn’t I say Tuesday was a bad day? I could be freaking out over nothing… right, RIGHT?

Story of my continued existence. No wonder I’m late getting up this morning at 6:00, Lu. Wake up with gratitude, right? Besides the tears, there is FEAR as usual. Adding more? There will be plenty coming this week. And I need to talk to your sisters and B III. Did I mention I’m listening to the Succubus Lord series for the third time? Well, I did start on 10, which is my favorite. I wanted “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7,” but fuck Audible, that’s why I’m not. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Leaves do. To be careful like Virgil Vivi. But no matter what, there’s a time for everything and a season. Politics and now religion. Lunalesca, being in my head… Leaving Leaves B V

587 Days Without B III, Day 028 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will