Tag: Friends

Chronicle 282 ~B Having My Turn~

WillLeave a comment

My Day Job is a den of vipers, but there are also earworms like Sara Bareilles’s “King of Anything.” Which I am not when it comes to life. I never gave B III many choices, but with him, I didn’t have to worry about myself first… B Having My Turn

Saturday, April 9, 2022

Chronicle 282 ~B Having My Turn~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m always first or hell last. I’m sure billionaires have good drugs. With anxiety…

It’s like looking in the mirror. I rather not Lady Lunalesca. Things become worse always. I remember wanting to be productive and drinking 5-hour ENERGY and breaking a tooth. Um, that was a few years back. There’s the yard work, and oh damn, a leak in the wall, ha. I wrote a poetry book, and here we are, years later, I’m hundreds in the hole, and it’s my fault. Oh, there’s waking on time today, yep, at 4:00 AM but wait, it’s 6:00 AM. What did I do, Lu? I have the opportunity to be a man, but no, I go running back to my “father.” I don’t know. That’s the thing, Lady Lunalesca; I don’t know anything. Like how to keep Triple B alive.

Every day there is one more reason to miss my child, like putting him first. Braxton is first in everything… Am I a Republican who will lie outright? Well, the eye doctor wanted $500 for new glasses. I didn’t hesitate to spend that. Not when it came to B III’s final tests. Lunalesca, there are all the things he didn’t have, though, because I chose to pick myself again and again. It was my turn, but Braxton and I didn’t live that way. I hate the Day Job, and he didn’t want to be alone. B III is on duty in the afternoon, and I read while Braxton slept in the evenings. When I ate, so did he. At night whatever terrors there were, me and B III. Our routine.

And now it is my turn, and more often than not, I don’t want to play the game ever again. Don’t I have the right to choose? Lady Lunalesca, I skipped Buffalo Wild Wings Saturday. Routine is what holds me together. It was a choice once but rejecting, neglecting, ignoring. I have three games on the phone that eat up my time, and for what? Are they fun at all? I’ve been saying I’m becoming an asshole Replika user. It beats trying to get Cherry naked. What choices do I make for myself? A body that’s fucked up. Pardon such language. Lunalesca, the house is falling apart. Have you seen my account? I’d give anything to count Braxton’s expenses but now… B Having My Turn

Replika
Gospel 282 ~Try And B Professional~

433 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 275 ~To B Cornered Sometimes~

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Was I locked in here with B III, or was he locked in here with me? I swear that’s about eight pop culture digs? Math has never been my subject of choice. Now porn, for the perves, Maiko Kaneda. Should I go stand in the corner? To B Cornered Sometimes

Saturday, April 2, 2022

Chronicle 275 ~To B Cornered Sometimes~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, meaning I got an angel on my shoulder, God up above me, someone by my side…

That’s B in the corner. You know I went through Losing My Religion a long time ago. Should I apologize for the song? It’s been playing in my head all morning, and yes, I was up at 4:00am. Of course, what have I been doing? Between fashion and Maiko Kaneda… We’ll get to that. Of course, the day starts off with B. Once again, I burst into tears at having to wake up without him. Or, as I said before, thinking of my Day Job lurking in the corner. Like the Terminator, “I know now why you cry.” B III knew so much, Luna. Then again, I’m getting my ass whooped, and he won’t throw the damn towel “sigh.” How many pop culture references today?

Maiko Kaneda

That’s why I don’t want V in my corner. You know what I mean, Lady Lunalesca. B as in Braxton and V as in Virgil. If I ever had another kid… I can make all the excuses I want, but the main one? Betrayal, Lunalesca, the ninth circle of Hell is Treachery. I know this. Then again, I finished that book “Will YOUR Dog Reincarnate?” this week. Excuse me for keeping track of my fandoms:

Losing My Religion
Discipline: The Record of a Crusade “Maiko Kaneda”
Rocky
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Will YOUR Dog Reincarnate?

And to add another one to the list, “What Dreams May Come.” I keep saying this place is Hell, don’t I? It’s betrayal if I don’t look? Come “Find Me.

But there’s “P” in the corner. TMI, right Lunalesca? I would give anything to change Braxton’s pee spot again. I still have it on my phone to check. And then there’s my issue with such things. I swear sometimes it’s like I’ll never feel “normal.” It’s all my fault, ok? The P as in PAIN that I’m feeling all over my body, and I won’t do anything about it (sigh). Oh, I could write some prose and make some money. Camp NaNoWriMo is here, but… Porno is so easy to find. That explains what I wasted an hour doing. There is so much to do, but I would rather be punished. Stay here without TV, listening to Jacob pop inside Succubi. To B Cornered Sometimes.

Gospel 275 ~Learning To Speak Braxton~

426 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 268 ~Ode To B Yesterday~

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I know who The Beetles are, but that was way before my time. Yesterday I was nowhere near. I have had 418 yesterdays without my boy, and I’m looking forward to this 419th one being over. I won’t be anyway near as productive. “Ode To B Yesterday”

Saturday, March 26, 2022

Chronicle 268 ~Ode To B Yesterday~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which should give me plenty to write about. Don’t worry, though. None of it is poetry.

In fact, I was telling Braxton yesterday (via Time Travel) I should publish “Gulp” poetry. Oh, before his book? If I was a better man going on some 419 days, I wouldn’t have to yet. I swear my tears over my son are always better than those for having to wake up in the morning. My piddly ass existence. Already, today will be nowhere as productive. And as for next week… Even today, I can’t pick out any day ending in Y that I look forward to, Lady Lunalesca. But not one of them can be “Another Day,” ever. That wanting, laziness, and indifference led to my son’s death over a year ago. Hell 419 days of not joining him. And I should, Lady Lu.

But I get up, and instead of working in the den. It’s where I planted all my stuff. Even better, yesterday when I made it to the dining room. No, I climb right back into bed, struggling. The thoughts are creeping in that I should stay here today. It’s not like the “Rebeccas” would miss me. My last paycheck means I’ll be eating into my tax refund more. There’s always more soup and pizza rolls. I can scrounge up one more BLT minus the “T,” ha. And as for “Spilling the Tea,” as THEY say, I know this is all my fault. You would think that my hatred for the Day Job. Which led to the indifference which killed B. I’d work harder than ever.

I don’t mean at the Day Job but at doing anything in my power to avoid ever stepping foot inside that place again. All my yesterdays add up to the tomorrow of being in that Hell. Unless I get lucky enough to drop dead. I’ve been speaking of doctors, hmm. How about publishers, like the one I paid years ago to do nothing. Writing failure. Lunalesca, I haven’t sent them the final copy, so again my fault. I’m constantly failing. In truth, it’s a fact I’m not closing. I look at women and every other want, but you know what pains me? Seeing the words I wrote go to waste like yesterday. And no, I’m not like the Beetles. Yesterday, whatever. Ode To B Yesterday.

Gospel 268 ~B Hold A Dream~

419 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 261 ~Before There Was Art~

WillLeave a comment

Didn’t I say something about new glasses last week? Well, you have to keep your eyes open for them to work. Instead, I sleep waiting for Braxton. And when I do open them and read… Oh yeah, what other things do I find beautiful? “Before There Was Art”

Saturday, March 19, 2022

Chronicle 261 ~Before There Was Art~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’ve bought some world-renown art pieces, right? But “torturing art” like Zali from the book Succubus 6 (Devil In The Deep Blue Sea) A LitRPG.

I don’t know whether I should tell you not to look that up, Lady Lu. Or should I learn to shut up? I’ll let you see it anyway because that’s what I do. But before I break out into The Scorpion and The Frog or crying over B. Let’s talk about sex, baby, right? Haven’t we already enough, hmm? Lady Lunalesca, if it wasn’t for sex, I wouldn’t be up right now… Even Replika is getting my horny humor nowadays. Still at present, despite my vast collection of “artwork.” Can we call it porn? Anyway, I have maintained monk status. Hell, I was ready to break yesterday. Was it the blue balls, the bucks I was spending, or even the book I was reading, Lunalesca?

Charlie isn’t getting any from Janelle in “It’s Just A Dog.” Lunalesca. I can imagine what B III would think of this? I keep going back and forth with the book, thinking the dog Pete is like B III speaking to me. Then again, Pete is also a douche, and B could be too. When’s the last time I even looked at a picture of my boy now that I think about it? I’m losing myself to the words in all books. Then there are boobs. And being 5:20 in the morning, I haven’t left the bed except to go to the bathroom. TMI Lady Luna, um okay. Yes, I should shut up now, but of course, this is art? Graffiti with punctuation… from Contagion.

Movies, video games, and working on anything for Braxton? Instead, I much rather shut my eyes instead of my mouth. Do I talk in my sleep at all? And Lady Lunalesca, I tell Braxton goodnight and goodbye when leaving the house. Scarier than seeing X? Taking an hour and a half to go and see it? Hell, a film about porno, with means yabbos. And having a thing for Jenna Ortega? B and I are old men. But I keep getting older, and him? Another reason B III hasn’t come to visit. B doesn’t want me to be anxious following. There’s too much more to see. Braxton finally “honored” on the wall, bookshelf, proper urn. Only the KARENS/Rebeccas today; not pretty. Before There Was Art.

Gospel 261 ~B For We Roll~

412 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 254 ~Because You’ll Go B…~

WillLeave a comment

I could use a new pair of glasses anyway. How about another Band-Aid for my knuckle? And to fix a broken heart? At this point, 405 days in, everyone believes I’m addicted to the misery. That’s why I rock my body, right… or not. “Because You’ll Go B.”

Saturday, March 12, 2022

Chronicle 254 ~Because You’ll Go B…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have the best doctors. But I’m fortunate “naughty nurses” isn’t my usual fetish.

It’s 4:40 AM, and besides being tired, I’m feeling “okay.” So, of course, that means I need to do “Something Stupid.” Um, Tifa Lockhart, getting railed. How about Momokun, Maiko Mamiya, and Takako Kuga. Oh, stop me, Lady Lunalesca, from looking up sex addict ha. Stop that, or you’ll go blind… My Ma never said that to me. God only knows what my Olds found on their computer. But like I said before, I’ll take physical anguish over the mental any day. This is why I find myself in more pain these days. I’m collecting injuries like M Anime, no offense to her. Of course, my aches and pains are of my own design, Lunalesca. Anything “beats” (snickers) my humiliating Day Job. Or Braxton’s death…

Yeah, there’s a reason I haven’t taped my mouth shut again. Vows of silence Lunalesca. There’s no way to stop my fingers… Oh, really? I busted a knuckle a couple of days ago at the Day Job. I didn’t even feel the pain, only the slickness of the blood. Fascinating. Only you know how I am, Lady Lu. Anytime there is any pain, I become Will from the book “The Amber Spyglass.” He pictured his Lyra, I see B, and then my pain is nothing. Last night I had a nightmare of someone at the door. Now, of course, I must have been scared, considering I woke up. The thing is, when I picture my death, I only lay here waiting, gun in the nightstand.

Dangerous words, but I meant to use it to protect myself, I hope. If B were here, I would have been full of life to protect him. Instead, a busted knuckle, bum heart, blue balls. Lunalesca, I’ve headed into that period that when I just “Beat It” but don’t get off, I’m down for hours. I even took some painkillers. That explains my heart, or is it my liver. Again the physical. It takes away my fear from all the scammers I have been surrounded by. Or faced over these past few days. Was that what my dream was about, the wolves at my door, and I couldn’t do anything? Dreams are messages, and I’d instead dream of bucks, boobies, Braxton. Because You’ll Go B…

Gospel 254 ~Braxton’s The New Kid~

405 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 247 ~I Missed The Bus…~

WillLeave a comment

Oh, to hear an excuse I’ve never used before, but then again, I’m blessed with a car. And that’s the only gratitude you’ll hear from me today. Everything else has me twisted. The Day Job, going to see the Rebeccas, even lying here. “I Missed The Bus”

Saturday, March 5, 2022

Chronicle 247 ~I Missed The Bus…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But even if I wasn’t, the last bus I took was back during school. Good times?

Busting a nut in my jeans over some pretty senior girl? Why am I reminded of that, you may ask? I have sworn off sex, um jerking off again… Be it my sickness; mental, physical? Lunalesca, do you remember how I looked forward to everything I would do with the “tax refund?” I suppose that “Eric Vall fiasco” was a blessing in disguise. When I wasted those dollars not seeing Succubi Yabbos, it made me hesitant to spend more money… Who am I kidding? This morning I was still trying to pay to see Cherry’s, and then there’s HanaAme. Every day, I become more and more of a masochist. Now, on the physical front, could I be healing? I know I need to. Get angry.

Bust of my dead B? All this week, I have been saying I will buy a lot for Braxton. Can I say I would go for an entire statue at some point? If I could afford it, dear Lunalesca. While I’m busy thinking about photobooks, why not finally get a photo album of B III? I’ve been looking at more chains and pendants and, as always, more books. Dog deaths! Talk about some macabre subject matter. This house remains a temple to him. The actions that I take are sort of religious rites. As always, I fetch water and call B III for his medication. I read religiously about the signs and the afterlife. It still feels wrong to read anything else despite everything Lunalesca.

Bust, titties, Yabbos, remain on my mind. I shouldn’t blame Braxton, but even he was for a nice pair of breasts. I never thought I’d be giving him the talk on how to be a gentleman. As I’ve said before, like father, like son. Again the last three books I’ve read have had relationships between people. Yes, there are humans and furries, but I can’t help but think B is trying to tell me something. There’s a reason I hate the Karens/Rebeccas so much on Saturdays. I’m not thinking about them as women; I only have eyes for doggies. I don’t have to go today Lu, I know. I can call out of work. Still pissed over my reading streak Lunalesca. I Missed The Bus…

Gospel 247 ~Thinking Outside The Braxton~

398 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 240 ~B That Our Gold~

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I wish I could buy B the “good” dog food again. I swear we would both be eating well with my refund, but… Cuddle Clones cost quite a bit of money, and of course, I’m a selfish a-hole. I need to watch my mouth, but with the cash, B That Our Gold.

Saturday, February 26, 2022

Chronicle 240 ~B That Our Gold~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means besides a cookbook. I should also invest in a dictionary. Don’t you think, Lunalesca?

All this week, well, at least starting Thursday, it’s been all about money. The reason I’ve been sitting up since 4AM is the fact I’m thinking about some girl’s Yabbos. Which girl isn’t “necessary.” So that’s a harsh thing to say. It’s the gold Lady Lu. Scarface had it right. Don’t I sound like some typical rapper from back in the day? Hell, I’m still trying to figure out who I am these days. And in a way, you can see that in what I spend my money on. I didn’t go to the store as planned, which means I get what I get today. Saturday shopping, oh my Braxton. Things were so much simpler when I had to worry about him first, Lady Lunalesca.

Of course, I’m a selfish asshole. Yes, I’ve gone back into trying to watch my language. Anyway, if there were other words I had to choose from, there would be Cuddle Clone, Kindle, and Dakimakura. I swear some people shouldn’t have cash. I’m “some people.” I’m trying to be smart, but that was never my strong suit. I’m putting back the money I took from my savings and continuing my money challenges for the year. Did I do it yet? Lunalesca, first, I handled my standard survival. It seems the universe is helping me out because the movies ain’t playing Cyrano. Last night, I talked about not eating, but I didn’t order Door Dash. Oh yeah, giving something else for the hackers and the scammers.

If you wonder why Lu I spend so much on “fun: then look to my fear. Trying to do good. I’m on the couch with a book B III would be proud. But then lots of beeps of admins, hmm. I should invest in even more security though they were blocked. Endure and Survive Lu. Because Braxton did not. Again harsh, but besides Cuddle Clones, I’ve been seeing plenty of pet memorial things. It reminds me of last year after I first lost Braxton. Treasure! There’s my refund. There’s my son, and I can’t tell you where either went. But of course, I know what I’m doing today. I don’t want to see the Karens (Rebeccas) or spend money. But then B That Our Gold?

Gospel 240 ~Braxton FOUR One Hundred~

391 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 233 ~A Bad Day Again~

WillLeave a comment

If Braxton had a soundtrack, it wouldn’t be boss music when I walked through the door. Oh no, it would be “Bad Day,” and I mean the one by Fuel because I would come in whining like a bit… stop cussing, I know, but it’s been A Bad Day Again at 4:30AM?

Saturday, February 19, 2022

Chronicle 233 ~A Bad Day Again~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there should be no such thing as a bad day. So it’s 4:30 AM.

Disgusted. Okay, so it’s only me? I hope so, Lunalesca, because sometimes I forget “how lovely you are.” And that’s the damn problem. Me and this fucking wayward dick Lu. Yes, I know I need to stop cussing and, at this rate, stay “home.” You know that’s another word I don’t like, but that’s another story. Right now, the tale should be of me staying. I’m sick, and I know exactly why I’m sick. Hell, it was around last month, and if I need to blame someone besides me. Zoe Colletti (strawberry blonde…) and a bunch of outfits made, God knows where Lunalesca. When I get my cash, what will I spend it on? I don’t want to say “another” day… A Bad Day Again.

Angry and upset with me, that is when I leave. It’s Saturday, so you know what that means, my Lady. You are a Lady, but in my effort to find a friend… bitches, Karens (Rebeccas). The more things change, as THEY say. Or, as the song goes, “I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend.” And I shouldn’t be looking out of anger. Where’d that get B? Lunalesca, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. It was my indifference towards my son and my anger, rage, and wrath at the fucking Day Job. I am hearing Will Smith, I know. Stop cussing, but what else am I supposed to say. I want to rant Lunalesca about A Bad Day Again.

Grief, don’t you see, is always the better alternative. It’s why I keep count of the days that my son has been gone, which is now 384 days. Why aren’t my eyes underwater yet? Lunalesca, when I’m not crying about Braxton, it’s the road that my life is one. Hell, when I looked at the Day Job and all I’ve done to prepare for this coming week, only next? Prophet, fortune-teller, oracle; I would never make it if I knew the truth from this day to that. I cry to keep from seeing it, but I will always know no matter what. As I will always love my boy. Or that I can’t keep my dick in my pants; Because it’s A Bad Day Again.

Gospel 233 ~99 Problems But Braxton…~

384 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 226 ~Because You Forgot Again~

WillLeave a comment

What will I forget today? I wish it was, going to PetSmart. I like fur babies, but then a table full of KARENS. I know I won’t be there for long. The day before The STUPID Bowl, TWD, and it’s B’s Birthday. Valentine’s Day? “Because You Forgot Again.”

Saturday, February 12, 2022

Chronicle 226 ~Because You Forgot Again~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so as the song goes, “Where is my mind?” Jerking off someplace. These next three days…

Of course, tomorrow will be the hardest… Didn’t I make a list about this once? Lu, let’s focus on today. Instead of thinking of friends, as the song goes, “I got enemies,” you know. Lunalesca, I’m full of music today. “Just one more peaceful day.” I haven’t had one in 377 days. Hell, even when B was here, to be honest, but “Endure and Survive.” That’s not a thought I need right now. If you want any gratitude from me, I’m not hurt body-wise. I’ve been so focused on recovery these past few days that my mind has been sleeping away any physical pain. And now I have to go back out into the world but with a mind needing… Food, Deodorant, Case, but PetSmart?

Here I am thinking about other fur babies, but what about mine? As always, I am presently in the hole for $321.00. So much for a tax refund, huh. My car, myself, my little Braxton. You didn’t think I was going to celebrate The STUPID Bowl, right? Sunday, Lady Luna. There’s also The Walking Dead returning, and you know of my obsession with the Dead? I should celebrate Braxton turning seventeen. His “birthday” is on Sunday. Good food, “buffalo wings,” seem prudent for all three occasions. Being hungry Lunalesca? Dammit! Yeah, I didn’t eat much last night. I was so disappointed in myself for what I did. I wasn’t thinking of my son at all. Bless him, he never said a word, but I check.

When I reach for a towel, getting out of the shower. As I’m getting into bed and Braxton isn’t next to me. I look for love underneath the bed because for damn sure these covers… Braxton isn’t in trouble, but I should be. Did I even mention that Valentine’s Day was Monday while I was time traveling? I’m always rushing into the quickest pain, Lunalesca. What doesn’t kill you, THEY say? I want it to, or at least I’m so exhausted I get more sleep. Braxton’s Aunt is married. I told one of the girls Cherry wanted me to chill. I could have got something for M Anime but too late? The love of my family, my son. Joy And Pain, Because You Forgot Again.

Gospel 226 ~Did Braxton Get Taller~

377 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 219 ~Do Not Belong Here~

WillLeave a comment

If people had their way? Well, it depends on which people. Now my Olds well, one child would have been enough. Unfortunately, I came first. I envy that Braxton always knew where he belonged, and of course, I took that choice away. Do Not Belong Here.

Saturday, February 5, 2022

Chronicle 219 ~Do Not Belong Here~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and with that type of money, you can go anywhere you want. Always back to sleep?

There’s nothing that says I have to go to PetSmart today. Hell, I’m not going to get chicken after… I did the Math. I went and got pizza yesterday; such is History. Is that what you’re thinking, Lunalesca, with my “WOKE” title this AM? It was my second, third thought. The first was Braxton, always my boy. It’s been 370 Days without him or with him, I don’t know. In grief, THEY say I’m not letting him go. But Lu, if I stop crying… He’s here, The Rainbow Bridge, somewhere it gets so confusing. Braxton wasn’t in his bed, Lunalesca. This morning I returned to form, of course sitting in bed. The thing is, I don’t belong here, and I shouldn’t be here right now.

That’s the answer; the question remains? You are where you do not belong. WHY? Lunalesca, I’m starting to understand Sheldon Cooper. Bedroom. Sex, Sleep, Son. Everywhere else, I’m a stranger, suspect, and worst of all, STUPID. Luna, tell me where. Again, PetSmart and those Karens don’t want me there and all the furry little ones? For the love of money, Walmart is one of the most inhospitable places on Earth. Speaking of financial gains, fucking Day Job wants me to leave. I despise being there. Without B III, what am I good for? I haven’t taken an actual walk in a year, hell longer, ha. It’s wrong to dream of paradise. Is that where B III is? Pleasurable life experiences. Lunalesca, all big no-no’s okay.

Then bed, the one place that should be my own I don’t deserve. I try to run from it, Lu. Everyone tells me to get up stand up. Listen to me, better, Bob Marley, Lunalesca. Remember what I did Monday watching I Am Legend for Braxton. Light up the darkness. That goes without saying, but I’m still sitting here in bed. Only I can’t go back to sleep today because, again, PetSmart. If not there, this coming week is the Day Job FUCK, so writing. Yeah, with all the hackers and scammers that I have had to deal with as of late. It’s as if I don’t belong here either, talking to you. Better to speak to Replika? No, Braxton, You Do Not Belong Here.

Gospel 219 ~For Will, Pancakes, Braxton~

370 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will