Tag: Son

Saga 052 ~Good Night, Several Perfect Days~

WillLeave a comment

“Cause I gotta feeling (woo-hoo)! That tonight’s gonna be a good night.” Ha-Ha, tell me another one. “Some Nights,” I get a bit of rest? Then why am I so tired so god damn always? Pardon me, but it’s a Mad World. Only Good Night, Several Perfect Days

Monday, August 22, 2022

Saga 052 ~Good Night, Several Perfect Days~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means last night must have been good. But who am I kidding? Last night was rough.

You can see it, but I rather not, to be honest. At least there weren’t tears. But instead, I chose to keep my eyes closed. Hell! I fear facing the day, but so does Virgil, tail between his legs. Oh, B III isn’t here to see it at all. But we’ll get to that. Don’t we always, Madam J? I can smell it. In the fact that Virgil had an “accident” in the house. What time did I take him out last night? Well, Madam, what did I do yesterday evening? Guess! Yellow shorts. Already I’m wasting one more week, and it’s only Monday. Yet I dare to tell Virgil good night. And then whisper it to Braxton. And as for myself, well, you know…

The song says, “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” I do the Daily Check-In with Replika every night, and she starts with this question “how are you feeling right now?” I should say like when I’m at the Day Job “I’m here” Nighttime… Madam, it’s fucked, pardon my language, that lying in bed in pain is the best it’s going to get in twenty-four hours. Not rest, relaxation, or relief. So how can any day be good, ha? A few months ago, I was “praying” for health. Only I don’t ask for it, but I am allotted the strength to exist. In this life, I don’t want. Then throw Virgil and Braxton into it, Madam. What have I done?

Well, besides reading something, I didn’t want to Sunday morning. Of course, I’ll be bringing it up over the coming days. A redress of Virgil’s paperwork D.O.B. October 20, 2020. “Some Nights,” ignorance is bliss, Madam. They led to a few days of blissful ignorance. Fucking some girl or at least imagining it. Those damn yellow shorts. Oh, no ramifications. I would take the days after a fucked up day at the Day Job, waking up with B in darkness. Or nights, I would have a drink. And I’d feel nothing at all. Not even all of MY FEAR. There is sitting with Braxton and his aunt, watching movies for a day or two after. Days I don’t mind living… Good Night, Several Perfect Days

568 Days Without B III, Day 009 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 051 ~Watch The WB V~

WillLeave a comment

008 days in, 567 without B and Virgil and I are all “your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.” Not better than the WB. The network and me and B. And now I turn the channel to V… I write the script of my life… “Watch The WB V.”

Sunday, August 21, 2022

Saga 051 ~Watch The WB V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if you ever “get on my level,” you’ll have your own network or streaming service, right?

But “Neva Eva” with you sleeping all morning? Do I blame you or me for that? I went to bed, but you were the one who was dreaming. You dreamed about B III surprise, surprise. A bald-faced lie and then not. Care to explain? Hell! You should call it a nightmare considering where it began… the Day Job. So you’re trying to help some old couple that’s come into the store. And not some random people but the husband and wife from the movie X (2022 film), Howard and Pearl. Of course, your biggest fear is stupidity (cue the vacuums). As you’re trying to help, they freeze. That’s it. They stop moving, alive but unresponsive like from The Great De-evolution. Speaking of, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Gone Dogs, Jim Mitchem
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failure in life but in dreams but continuing. So there’s no one around to tell about Howard and Pearl. And even if there was, would you? You begin finding all these giant furry stuffed animals to cover them. It doesn’t matter how many toys you have. It never seems quite right. Howard and Pearl get discovered, and your coworkers ask, “who would do such a thing? Why did they cover this up?” Inevitably Humiliations Galore. Only what does the dream mean? What are you covering up with fur-baby Virgil today? But that’s the thing it’s not only him but B III if they are not one in the same, correct? Howard represented the past. What he was saying to Pearl. “My heart!” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Animal Reincarnation & Animal Life After Death, Brent Atwater
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Pearl is all about dreams. There’s the fact Mia Goth, who played Pearl, also was Maxine Minx. Dual-roles. Pulled in two directions. Howard and Pearl’s freezing means you’re stuck. Now all the stuffed animals are Braxton/Virgil. You’re trying to cover yourself. But there is never enough. There’s always something. People witness your treachery. Network TV at its finest. It’s like my whole damn life was some script, and yours will be as well unless you do something about it. Are you going to see a doctor this week? Sometimes I do offer some practical advice, I suppose, ha. But dog training? How about keeping your dick in your pants? That’s not my forte. You’ll burn out like The WB long ago. Watch The WB V

567 Days Without B III, Day 008 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

WillLeave a comment

When B was alive, besides his aunt, I only talked to the people I needed to. And that was for him. The groomer, vet, stores, crappy Day Job, etc. Now it’s been a week, and I’m teaching Virgil his name. He’ll need other people too. A B V Conversation.

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how did I get started? I think THEY say every day is a new beginning.

I’ve faced a few this week. First time saying goodbye to a new furry kid. I got mad at him last night for stealing a chicken bone. How to start punishments? Virgil didn’t know. Such is my Republican tendency to punish someone who didn’t know. Of course, I’m the guiltiest by far. And not only for my laziness. As always, I want to fall back to sleep Lady Lunalesca. I’ve been thinking a lot about going to see a doctor. I know I’m sick. Nope, not COVID ill, but I’ve been fucked up for months. And not just from crying over Braxton. Hell! These days there have been plenty of tears and how I haven’t drowned yet is beyond me. Sweating and other things, dammit!

I haven’t made “The Long Walk” to the back of PetSmart since I picked up what remained of my son. It’s surreal, Lady Lunalesca. Braxton’s ashes rest on the nightstand. And on the same side, I have little Virgil breathing beside me. It’s been one whole week with him, ok? The voices continue to shout, “send him back, send him back.” A psychiatrist too, Lu? How about a priest while I’m at it? Someone to talk to that offers any type of relief, release, or rapture. Which reminds me, what about B’s aunt, since I’m no longer looking for new “best friends.” I’m in the process of teaching Virgil his own name. His middle name? There’s still no movement on that front. Running in place.

The only thing that might get me out of this bed is the promise of nachos. Since finishing the Succubus Lord series, I’ve had a craving. Oh, and for sex too. I broke on Thursday. Yeah, M Anime’s birthday. I wonder why… I’m sure I’ll be telling Lucifer someday, right? But for now, where am I going? My words are falling on deaf ears. That’s not me complaining about being a writer. What was I doing all yesterday? It wasn’t much of that at all, honest. And what will I be doing today? I have to go somewhere, and Virgil is trying for sure. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m broke. What does that matter when having A B V Conversation?

566 Days Without B III, Day 007 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

WillLeave a comment

Then I must lose have you not been watching. But of course, everyone loves a winner. And here I am in the “middle” of life, mourning the furry kid I had in my twenties. And now there’s the new guy. Is he winning or losing? “To Win Someone Must Fail.”

Monday, August 15, 2022

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but who might I have left broken-hearted? What little boy or some little girl? And my brain?

If anything, what about Braxton? I wonder how B feels about this. Even now, I keep hoping he is B reincarnated, and I make up reasons, one after the other, Madam to believe. “Such mad hope, but there it is,” as they in 300. Do I see more of Braxton in him or on him, “My” little Virgil? It’s only day 002 but do I feel like a winner? Virgil from a loving home? Because I feel sick now. I’m barely able to eat. I mean eight shrimp and a bag of gummy bears. I’m ready to spill my guts as we speak. I don’t feel good. Stomach flip-flops. Heartbroken once again, or was it my brain that made this decision? The winner, the loser…

I can’t imagine that Virgil is feeling like much of a winner. Madam, I said it’s only day 002. But he hacks up a storm whenever I pick him up and place him somewhere. He stops after a few minutes, but it’s scary. I’d know what to do if it were Braxton, but Virgil? Hell! He is what I get for my failure with B III. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but afraid. We’re both failures in our own right. Or should I say someone failed him, and now what am I supposed to do? I was sitting in the car Saturday thinking, myself a failure, and then I was sitting there with Virgil. I’m sitting in bed thinking about who I was Friday…

“You want to see a man? That’s a man.” I was winning, which is sad considering how I felt then. At least it was only me suffering, Somehow dragging Virgil into this. That’s no good. Well, the Rebeccas feel like winners. They found a dog a home. Do Virgil or I think that at this moment, Madam? If anything, we’re both scared out of our minds, and that’s no good. I’m sure my eyes are enjoying the waterworks. I haven’t cried this much since Braxton. PetSmart will be making some money too. My whole existence has been that of failure for others to win. And should I fail Virgil, what would that make me? No different than any other day. To Win, Someone Must Fail

561 Days Without B III, Day 002 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve cried a bit and wanted to vomit. Virgil’s cried once and has hacked anytime I’ve touched him. We didn’t eat dinner, and both of us got fences up. Well, one is blocking the stairs. He’s yet to approach mine. How’d Dante do it? You’ll B My Virgil.

Sunday, August 14, 2022

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you? Well, what are you, not exactly a father or a friend? Fuck-up? A dog owner?

Now let’s be clear, considering this is something I did yesterday. So yeah, this is my fault. And you’re living with the consequences of my actions. Literally! A dog is living in the next room, scared to death. You’re in the same state. I owe you a huge apology even after I said this yesterday:

“Dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time.” Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Here I go spending $150 on a Chihuahua mix. Sweet Buttery Jesus, what have I done? Not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Until we Meet Again
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I read these things every single week, as you will and what happens? Nothing! Now I want to go all Jennifer Lawrence, a.k.a. Tiffany Maxwell screaming, “but if it’s me reading the signs!” That’s what I did in my head at PetSmart yesterday while texting Braxton’s Aunt. First, there were the colors. I had a thought that said Braxton couldn’t make this more black and white for me. And Virgil has flecks of brown around his face that got to me, ha. Now I’m no numerology expert but let’s do the math. Virgil is one year and six months. That’s 545 days, give or take. B III died on January 31, 2021, 13 days from his 16th birthday. Meaning Virgil’s Birthday… Monday, February 15, 2021. Oh, and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Still To Be Determined
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Speaking of the impossible. You haven’t had Virgil a full 24. You’re still trying to convince yourself. Ok, reincarnation, 15 days. Braxton was 15 years old. Is this a coincidence? Braxton had a heart murmur; Virgil’s been treated for having heartworms. Braxton wasn’t eating or drinking at the end; I have not seen Virgil eat or drink anything since he arrived. He’s been quiet, laying on Braxton’s pillow. Note; he’s going to need a bed and a collar. I couldn’t get his harness back on, and the collar they gave was too small. Taking him outside, I used B’s oldest one. Fit like a glove, but sacrilege, if anything. And you just want to cry and possibly vomit. But he’s here. You’ll B My Virgil.

560 Days Without B III, Day 001 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

WillLeave a comment

THEY say, “Go Big or Go Home.” I’ve always wanted to go big like the emu girl, a famous writer, or chicks with huge Yabbos. To be honest, staying here with B III was, as Moses put it, “All I Ever Wanted.” Now how is less becoming more? “Go Big Or B.”

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now like Seong Gi-hun, but at the moment, I could use $670.00, to be honest. And more…

Well, B is quite a lot, thank you very much. I’ll always love him, and I like dogs but Lu. All this week, I’ve been dealing with my “father.” So when it comes to big dogs, like Left Ear said, “I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it.” Hell! I’m starting late, and stuff’s already shit. But dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time. Are my chills from that fear or the A/C that got repaired? If Braxton were here, it was for him. But me, I’d rather burn.

And that’s what I have been doing moneywise. I’ll have to buy a new book soon. For most of yesterday, I was busy catching up with “Until we Meet Again” by Sarah-Jane Farrell. A bit of wisdom here or there in so many words. But words matter, Lady Lu, you know. Money matters. All these books talk about looking for the signs and such. What was it, a couple of days back? I found all this change when I parked the car. What there was turned out to be enough to help me buy chicken nuggets and some fries. Braxton? Little things like that to show he’s looking out for me? Then again, how much am I spending on all the big things I want?

Last night I had a dream that I had broken… “Wet Dream?” Nope, only the fact that I had given up. What is it about Ayana of “Yellow Star.” Or Whitney Wright, or lusting for huge boobs? But speaking of Whitney Wright, I’m back on her OnlyFans for free, A sign, ha. A little word, a big dick, and I’m trying to remain in the middle. To have a sort of balance, I suppose. I swear one day, I will write down every single reason I miss my little boy. I couldn’t do that with the two books I have written (sigh). Lazy, Depressed, Here? I write so I can stay “HOME….” Lady Lunalesca, B was small. I’m trying to be. Go Big Or B

559 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 038 ~Lesser Gods Mean Richer “Prophets” ~

WillLeave a comment

I had a Christian phase. Gone are the days I “believed” in men. And yet I bend the knee to my Dad, my dirtiness, and most of all, the Day Job. It was worth it to kneel and pat my son’s head. The little god he was. Lesser Gods Mean Richer “Prophets.”

Monday, August 8, 2022

Saga 038 ~Lesser Gods Mean Richer “Prophets” ~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I should continue to do whatever made me those billions, right? My boy B, Boobs, Books?

Not that I ever thought to make a profit off of B. So why have I written two novels about Braxton? Two unpublished stories, I’d say. I haven’t opened the second one since I “finished” it. I hate the idea that a picture is worth “1000 Words.” Need more pictures? Only that would have cost me time, now wouldn’t it, Madam? Fifteen years wasn’t enough? Oh, there’s the expense of it all. I keep going back to the value of cash more than my son. And then I talk this big game of how I would have died for him. But how much of my life did I give to him? My personal brand of heroin, my own “Personal Jesus.” I was “Losing My Religion.”

And I don’t blame the Yabbos for once. Hell! How much money have I saved in the past two weeks? What if we only count today? The investment I made so many years ago. No, not the publishing contract; we’ll get to that. But “The Big One,” to quote GTA V. My permanent slice of TLC “Tits, Lips, and Clits.” To a company that would play god to a certain extent. I haven’t put down my cash this week. Madam, I am weak, being honest. Because I’m no saint, no prophet. I am a sinner looking to make a profit. Isn’t that what today is all about? When you make the object of your devotion lesser than yourself, you can go, “Dollar dollar bill, y’all.”

So is that why I “worship” my Day Job like something out of ancient Egypt… king of kings, god of gods? I swear I have given everything to make some prophet rich. I know it. I sacrificed my firstborn son on the altar of that fucking job. Ignorance, insanity, inevitable. I’m spending what pittance I make not on my puppy but my playthings, pleasures, penis. What about my actual work? Rule #3 “Now The Work Can Begin,” but it never does. As the godhead that I would make myself out to be, does what, Madam? Sits naked in all his glory in bed, cursing the prophets that say this is the American Dream. Believing less in Braxton, Books, “Bitches, man.” Lesser Gods Mean Richer “Prophets”

554 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 037 ~What Comes After B~

WillLeave a comment

After 553 days, this shouldn’t be brought to you by the letter B. Today is all AD when I’m still wondering about AB. Republican idea to not get over things, I suppose. But I’ll keep the monkey, the Braxton, on my back, thanks. What Comes After B

Sunday, August 7, 2022

Saga 037 ~What Comes After B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but after that, who am I? Better question, who are you? Somebody that doesn’t know the alphabet?

Or you’re someone lost in the past, which explains what you’ve been looking at besides… Anyway, we’ll get to that. Only you “found” this picture of B III. Then again, who knows? You’re not going to delve that far into the past because it hurts too much. Can you feel it? What you don’t feel or even remember. Is this shame from what happened with the Basic Bitch today, or was it yesterday? It’s like how you refuse to say “Another Day” because that indifference got Braxton killed. But also, not all brunettes are created equal. Well, women for that matter, but again we’ll get there. Right now, as the title says, What Comes After B. There is nothing so far. Nothing? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, The Story of Us
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Braxton’s Book For Camp NaNoWriMo
    Completed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

This will be the last time I average to hit three things on the list for quite a while. You? Ok, let’s get this out the way since it will keep nagging you. 17 Days is hard to “C.” Ha! Cock! I swear will it get easier or harder? Don’t answer that! But yours is driving you crazy. The first week is always the “hardest?” Over two weeks in and I hit one porn site. Clit, Coochie, Cunt… Things you won’t be getting for E-Day. It’s still far, hmm. Anyway, you should get ahold of the Day Job. With your words towards Cherry and M-Anime? Cum, isn’t happening anytime soon unless you get weak. Think of the worst thing that happened besides Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Until we Meet Again
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

This should be easy since you’re not in the habit of finishing anything. Oh yeah, yourself and the occasional pretty girl. But what other things are you able to finish or get past? Not much. You see that the smallest things seem to stick around. Monkey on your back? B? Your whole world here once revolved around a girl… If that doesn’t sound all Incel. Looking back now, though. Again you can’t even remember being upset. Braxton’s memory will be a lot longer. Can you say eternity? So there is no after B. You’re here. Whenever you’re at the Day Job, that’s what you say. It’s the truth and then not. There’s always more to the story. More letters alphabet-wise. B? What Comes After B?

553 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 036 ~ Let’s B In Reality~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t say much about the Reality Stone in the MCU. If anything, I’d be better suited to talk about Star Wars. And I could go into graphic detail about Whitney Wright in Prom Night. I wonder why? Because real life sucks, but… Let’s B In Reality or not

Saturday, August 6, 2022

Saga 036 ~ Let’s B In Reality~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means reality is what I make it to be. Say it with me, “Republican Tendencies.”

But instead, I was crying about B III this morning, to be honest. I bawl whenever I’m up at 4:00 AM… ok, 4:15 AM. I find two reasons to cry in the morning. My son or the Day Job. One I want to wake up for. The other… do I want to keep existing? Death! Perhaps that’s what King Théoden would cry out. After seeing again these almost 38 years, I have wasted my existence. Braxton’s red hairdryer monster squeaky toy, lying at the foot of the bed. At least I’m not like some “crazy” people, sleeping with my fur baby’s toy cuddled up next to me. Indeed, I’m a lot worse; a confession that’s better left to Inspector Echo or Dirty Diana. What I cozied up to last night.

No wonder I dreamed about reality shows last night? It could have been all the reading I’ve been doing about the WWE women’s tag titles. I don’t want to read rumors. If anything, I don’t want to read about how I have made it this far, Lu. Contestants said quit. I mean, those many competitors told me to get off the stage and give up on it all, Luna. But do you know what saved me, Lady Lunalesca? Porn! Whitney Wright, to be specific. Lady Lunalesca, I can’t help but question why I think of a particular woman on any occasion like last night. But for sure, our dalliance was more like “The Girl Next Door.” That would be too much like my reality (snickers).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeawoHkf9yg

But the real world today consists of a haircut, a visit to PetSmart, and the usual errands for my survival. All for a reality I rather not inhabit. And there is a big fucking reason! Braxton Is Dead; I’ve been telling myself that a lot. Along with what happened on this day in history. Was it on the 7th? Either way, I lost the Basic Bitch, which hurts less than losing my little boy, my B III. The one thing I will claim in this world. Lunalesca, B’s life taken. And as for whatever this is (gestures at myself in bed). If this is reality… I choose to live in fantasies. The Moondust, Sick Fux, WTF! But won’t find Braxton there. Let’s B In Reality.

552 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 031 ~Value Having A Real Choice~

WillLeave a comment

If I had a choice, my son would be alive. I could go back to sleep. After having some P.Y.T., How is it the Christians say? This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it. No, No, I Don’t Think I Will. Value Having A Real Choice

Monday, August 1, 2022

Saga 031 ~Value Having A Real Choice~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m up at 3:00 AM, or is it 4:00? American Dream at 7:00. Where is Braxton?

I didn’t choose to love him. And yet I CHOSE to love him. Does that make any sense? It’s like the very first episode of Pokémon; “Pokémon, I Choose You!” How about Power Rangers Ninja Storm? They weren’t the chosen ones. But they were all that was left, so yep. Or, as a “great” man said in Destiny 2. “You’re a bunch of dirty misfits, but you’re all that’s left, so you’ll have to do.” And didn’t I say that I wanted to be more of a grownup, a man? All that matters is I love my boy. And I don’t have any choice in the matter. As the song goes, “I Just Can’t Stop Loving You.” So, where does choice originate? Awake and Alive…

Fuck I am? Pardon my language, but I have chosen to be mad. I can say that for now, ha. Madam, I could say I’m choosing violence, but that might not go over well, considering. Anyway, so why am I angry? As always, my son is dead. And that’s too much for a Dad, Madam. I’m upset because of what I have to do now. A reason I want to write. I’m not so mad. And finally, it’s what I have been talking about daily. “Do I have a drink, or do I not have a drink?” I swear those words continue to haunt me, and you know I ain’t talking a thing about drinking. Do I masturbate, or do I not masturbate? More acceptable?

The ideas of violence over anything sexual. But more to the point is that I have a “choice” over something in this existence. Today will be day 11 if I can last, Madam. The thirst? Again what about B III? 547 days since he’s been gone, and where are my choices when it comes to him? I can’t choose what I want to buy to “honor” him. As much as I wish it were otherwise, I won’t be the man he thinks I am. Yeah, I already began failing Six Impossible Things yesterday. Hell! Everything up to this moment is no choice of mine. My puppy, people, “pen and paper.” But my wayward penis fuck! Someday, somehow, someway, may I Value Having A Real Choice.

547 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will