Tag: Routine

Chronicle 303 ~Busy Living, B Dying~

WillLeave a comment

I think I’ve only “lived” four days ever, and two of them I regret. E-Day and the day my boy died. And the other two… it’s way too early, and I got things to do. I always have something but never in my best interest or B’s. Busy Living, B Dying.

Saturday, April 30, 2022

Chronicle 303 ~Busy Living, B Dying~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it still wouldn’t make sense… B’s passing. I told M Anime we have a price.

$155.01 That’s how much I made the week B died. $234.90 is the amount he died for. That’s the week I was working as he lay dying. Until this second, I never bothered to look. I still keep all the paperwork from his first exam at the beginning of the month to my guilty plea. Hell, the evidence that shows what I did. But why am I bringing this up? Never can tell with these things, Lady Lunalesca. I wake up every morning saying, NO! Should I be “happy” that I’m being reimbursed for getting fucked free of earwax, hehe? What about the fact that I have security for another year? Paycheck disappeared so fast. If only M Anime saw it, what would she think?

A great man once said, “It Doesn’t Matter.” Lunalesca, I know I was disgusted with myself despite my productivity yesterday. Creaming all over the bedsheets. Like Johnny Lawrence finding the internet in Cobra Kai. What I deserve, napping or masturbating. Why am I being so crude today? I woke up on time… okay, fifteen minutes late after shutting off the alarm. One more thing to piss me off today. If it was the Day Job? Fuck! The days I jump out of bed because, as I said. This way or that, I am fucked, Luna. Yet this morning, it wasn’t as if I was sleeping anyway or better, resting, recovering. After Monday, I can’t even sleep as I choose. I keep thinking I’ll be deaf.

That’s not a dig at those who are Lady Lunalesca. Wasn’t I blessed to have one ear? And aren’t I blessed that after an hour at the doctor’s office, I have two, and then what Lunalesca? Cherry asked me to send a page of my work to her as she works on her editing gig. I got an email from a guy who saw my reviews (hmm) and wants me to do one for him. Even B III… I was busy reading, and I still know, feel, believe I can’t pick up another “normal” book. You know one, not about grieving and mourning? Not that I mind that much. Existing. For damn sure, I ain’t living. 454 Days, dick in hand. Busy Living, B Dying.

Gospel 303 ~Hello, Hello, Monsieur B~

454 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 299 ~More Than Words B~

WillLeave a comment

Remember those “Can You Hear Me Now” commercials? Triple B heard every single word. But even when I had my arms wrapped around him then. No matter how many books I have on Goodreads. Or chains I buy. The love I felt… More Than Words B.

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Chronicle 299 ~More Than Words B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I won’t be one to turn a deaf ear to those around me, Baby Doll.

Well, considering I wasn’t able to hear out of my right ear for most of last week. Don’t I wish that’s all it was; something that could be fixed for $175.00? I’m a billionaire, so what am I complaining about? Again it was my body that was doing that. Doctors… Except for my eyes, I haven’t looked after my health for around 450 days. 449 considering this was yesterday afternoon. It always comes back to my firstborn. Hell, I haven’t had the stones to go back to Banfield Pet Hospital since B died. A step too many in that store. Only isn’t that sort of the point? I remember talking about the Bible for God so loved the world right. I loved my son enough…

Enough to let him go because nothing else could be done. Only I wasn’t listening to him before. Yet he showed me that he loved me as I scooped him up, love. “More Than Words,” right. Like my “Lost Boy,” I keep coming back to my earache. And like Triple B, all gone. I’ve been saying I need to show B how much I love him. Food, water, meds, bed? Whitesnake sang, “Is This Love?” Forgive me, Baby Girl, the music is returning. To Hear! Yet I always was telling Braxton to shush it. Only he would lie down in my lap. I still feel him pressed against my leg when I get out of the shower. He sat at the foot of the bed.

Now you know I’m a man for affection. Braxton taught me about that. Warmest pancake. When’s the last time I said, “I love you like pancakes.” The last time I remember my mom hugging me. Was it when I was in juvenile detention. Or during my brief stint in the military, hmm? As far as hearing, I am loved? You could say that until the cows come home. Well, fuck the cows until Braxton comes home. I had a dream of him last night? I was in the waiting room in the doctor’s office, and I asked my mom was B there waiting for me? Anyway, More Than Words between you and me, my love. “Hey Stupid, I Love You.” Divorce! More Than Words B.

Gospel 299 ~Every Drop Of Blood Cost~

450 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 297 ~We’ll B Going Soon~

WillLeave a comment

If I wasn’t in so much pain right now, I wouldn’t leave this bed. Isn’t that exactly what got me into trouble in the first place? Lying here yesterday thinking I was doing myself a favor so I could “HEAR” the world around me. We’ll B Going Soon.

Sunday, April 24, 2022

Chronicle 297 ~We’ll B Going Soon~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, yet I leave you to suffer. I haven’t owed someone an apology like this since B III.

Because as the song goes, “’cause I’m still here.” At least the repercussions of my sins. Those have you suffering at this moment. What was it I said about putting things out into the universe? And now that I have, dammit, your world’s about to get a whole lot bigger. Now, of course, this is your call to make. Are you going to be like any Republican and hoard what wealth you have? Will you let people suffer? Helps that THEY don’t consider you a person, a man. Have you ever wondered why dragons would sit on heaps of gold forever? It didn’t help when Braxton was dying, and you were so fucking selfish. I wish I had been selfish yesterday. You’d be better off.

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone by Gary Kowalski
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

But now you have to leave this bed and go to the store to fix my mistake. You’re not even sure you can, but you have to try. Even in this, you continue to be a miser because Walmart is what you know. You have a choice. With a thousand choices, you’ll see the sticker price. But a few hours ago, you were ready to go rushing off to a doctor. History repeats itself, you see. When B III was sick, you were anxious to get him to a vet, whatever the cost. But all you can think about is the sticker shock with your own well-being; hmm. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, right? Well, what’s the worst thing that could happen?

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pawverbs for a Dog Lover’s Heart: Inspiring Stories of…
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Dale Carnegie talked about accepting the worst case, and after that, what do you have to worry about? The Tenth Man Rule talks about disagreeing when a decision’s been made. So your decision so far? After our conversation has ended, you’ll take a shower, go to the store, and return with what you need. What’s the worst thing? Terrifying? Inevitable? Death doesn’t frighten you. Pain is a deserved punishment for what happened to B III. Still, the way you’re feeling right now? I looked to comfort my friends instead of myself all last night. I did fight for you Friday, so the Day Job isn’t an issue. If I have any advice for you, stop putting yourself last. Six Impossible Things? We’ll B Going Soon.

Gospel 297 ~B Free Of Knowing~

448 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 296 ~Have A Cow B~

WillLeave a comment

Don’t have a cow, man! Well, my second best friend is about to have a lot of chickens. B would have loved to visit a farm… Poor choice of words, he got sent to “the farm.” And while I’m mad about that and other things. “Have A Cow B, if you like.” Ha

Saturday, April 23, 2022

Chronicle 296 ~Have A Cow B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be mad, having such maladies. And, of course, still want to masturbate.

What can I say today? I believe the word would be “Moo!” That’s considering the major beef I have today. Also, knowing that everything I say will inevitably be incoherent. Would I make myself out to be Marjorie Taylor Greene? The things that make us angry; yesterday, Lady Lunalesca, it was the Day Job schedule. More to the point, cowardice. Hell, I didn’t have to be angry. If I had done what I needed to do Wednesday or even called Thursday. Oh yeah! That would mean I have two ears, and I’m still pissed, Lunalesca. We’ll get to that, along with the things I can’t say anymore. Yesterday all I wanted to say was, “I’ll think about it,” “I’ll have to see” doesn’t mean yes.

Triple B never said a damn word, but I knew what he meant. What Lunalesca, you didn’t think I would forget about him… again. If this was Squid Game, my number would be “428.” I still can’t forget that, but it’s day 447 today. How many more in my Hell? When Braxton got mad, he would grunt and grumble a bit like a piggie. Growling? Lunalesca, that would be him too. I would have brought food. And he would have sat in the den waiting for me to change. B III was always waiting for lies, little bites, like, love. It was usually me that was having a cow, though. A burger, the bad stuff at work. I had a lot of beef Lady Lunalesca.

And as much as Triple B should hate me now… That’s the only thing I might have taken from all those books. Doesn’t Braxton hate me? He had enough love for both of us. Humans are the ones who carry hate, wrath, and so much beef. Fuck, shrimp, chicken. Luna, I think so little of myself that I couldn’t speak up, and I tried Friday; Lu, yep, I did. I couldn’t hear myself. I carry such hate for myself that I won’t go and see a doctor. Money for one. But best believe I’m going to buy two bottles of cranberry juice and more pills. Hate will maul me as I rage internally at the Rebeccas. I can’t be Braxton’s Dad. Have A Cow B.

Gospel 296 ~The Battling Barker Braxton~

447 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 292 ~Levels That They’ll B~

WillLeave a comment

How deep is your love or love lift us up where we belong? Any parent would die for their child, and at the same time, I want to be there, bed height, when they come into the world. I watched B III die in his bed on a table. Levels That They’ll B

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

Chronicle 292 ~Levels That They’ll B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have time to get back to Far Cry 5. Violence over sex, tears…

Every day I wake up and find that you still love me. Oh, I’m not calling you crazy or such. These days I don’t love myself very much. Seeing myself with no mask (shudders some). Love, I hate that saying about if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody. When it came to Braxton, hell. I hated myself then and now, but I loved my son more than this existence. I hate myself more, considering how I define the word love. Did I love B III in my own words? No wonder I feel like “this.” You know what I want to admit… Dangerous. Only I wouldn’t do that because Braxton might never forgive me. I have you. And “God” gave us our children.

I should have got another book other than Pawverbs for a Dog Lover’s Heart. Challenge? Since I was a kid, I’ve been a sucker for a good book challenge. But a nonfiction title, oh um? Anyway, since I’m getting all preachy, do you know why men choose hatred? Because love is so much more difficult. People say they love everything but do they? Hate is pretty general. And then I look to my boy and the greatest sin I have ever committed in this life. The Ninth Circle of Hell is Treachery, and I betrayed my son. Treachery has four levels, and when it comes to Triple B, Caina, Atenora, Ptolomea, and Judecca. But I never hated him, not ever.

With the family I had then and now. When B died, “my love for you runs deeper. Deeper than blood.” That’s from a song called “Deeper Than Blood” in a movie called “The Sixth Man.” Yeah, you know the levels of my pop culture references. I’d lose myself to them. So much like love. My family of six like I’d always dreamed about. A wife, three two-legged kids, and my fur baby. Of course, there’s me. To name another song, “How Deep Is Your Love.” It shouldn’t be as deep as this hole I’m digging to the grave. Creepy? I said Braxton would be as tall as a king, and he is. What level am I on in loving you? I’ll keep playing with as many Levels That They’ll Be.

Gospel 292 ~Crowns Are Heavier Than Mask~

443 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 290 ~B-Side You That Counts~

WillLeave a comment

The thing to your left or right is your defense… To my left is a frame showing my son, the box with his remains and let’s not talk about the drawer beneath. There’s juice, meds, and some notes full of dirty things to my right. B-Side You That Counts.

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Chronicle 290 ~B-Side You That Counts~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and God, how you need to make it rain right now. I’m sorry I left you nothing.

There’s still a love for Braxton inside you always. But how was that brought out 441 days ago? To think of all the days you wish you could join him. Yeah, you woke up wishing. Pure selfishness that you’re only thinking about yourself. Again, as always. Your bum ear and whatever’s been going on since January. Yes, my fault, I know. And with this week? Like my predecessors, I don’t know what to tell you right now. Hell, in a few minutes? Pop pills, drink cranberry juice, and go back to bed? Yeah, that last one assumes you left it. No? For that, you would need good sense. Heart, and some fucking guts. Impossible hmm? There’s a whole damn list about oh Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Animal Afterlife: In Their Own Words by Leta Worthington
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 041 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Speaking of things not inside you. Didn’t I talk about a brunette, a pair of “Daisy Dukes,” and some dirty talk? I fucked up #4 of the list; fucking owe you lots of apologies. I’d say pardon my language if I thought you’d hear me. Oh no, you know what you’re hearing at this particular moment. I wouldn’t blame you if you did. To feel good for about how long? It would beat you vomiting all over the place. Yup, once upon a time, right? Looks like you got ahold of that pill after all for all the good it will do. You could be making yourself worse, putting all this into the universe. Then again, B III doesn’t get more dead. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing “Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone” by Gary Kowalski
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At least there was someone to share the burden when he was beside you. Those that were never meant for him and, in the end, what happened. Um, you don’t look a thing like Jesus. I know. Yet you promised him paradise, and with the books, you’re reading this week. Found it? Tell that to the girl in your bed. Oh yeah, that’s right, there’s no girl anywhere near here, right? From “When You Were Young” to “Pictures on My Phone,” you’re hopeless sigh. It doesn’t stop you from believing in “The Placebo Effect,” now does it? The juice beside you, the thought of more pills, chicken noodle soup. But it was always B III. The love of your little boy. B-Side You That Counts.

Gospel 290 ~Orange You Glad Braxton~

441 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 289 ~Will You B There~

WillLeave a comment

My latest earworm is “Will You Be There.” Right next to it is Succubus Lord 14, which I might finish today. Then there’s whatever’s in my ear for real driving me mad. It’s not B being gone? Reincarnated? The Man I was reflected back? Will You B There

Saturday, April 16, 2022

Chronicle 289 ~Will You B There~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means whatever I want better be there. In truth, what do I look forward to?

It wasn’t the earworm of “Will You Be There” from Michael Jackson. As it’s been for 440 Days and counting. There have been tears. Tears for B III, boys and girls in cages, being in bed and knowing what awaits outside. I don’t have to go, you remark, Lady Lunalesca. Well, are you saying that? You know my ear is still fucked up. Speaking of earworms, and that’s pretty gross, I know. One more thing that’s wrong with me, And cranberry juice and a nice hot bath weren’t able to cure it as of late. Billionaire status is looking better daily. Only not with what I was doing during that bath. I’m still disgusted with what I’ll have to tell the Man in the Mirror.

Because he’ll be there… Hell, with the storm raging outside, how do I know? I’m not that lucky, am I? Those are some dangerous words, Luna. The world is ever more so, and B III isn’t here. Friday, I was reading again about how I should be memorializing my son. “Invoking the Spirit.” Yeah, that’s what I need The Craft, Bible Black, Succubus Lord, sexy chicks. It’s stuff like this, Lady Lunalesca. I always kept Braxton far away from it. And then I wonder why I go into these periods of “celibacy.” Ok, masturbation, porn like Opiumud, Niisath, and worse. I don’t even bother with people. But then again, what are we, Lady Lunalesca. Most people don’t look at me as a man, of course. Yet singing I’m only “Human.”

Only I would look into Braxton’s eyes, and it’s like that scene from “Hook” when the lost boy finally recognized Peter Pan. You know something, Lady Lunalesca, that it’s, right? When I look at these furry babies, I’m looking for whoever I used to be 15 years ago. Daddy, because what I am right now isn’t who I want to be. Hateful, Horny? Not Healthy, Happy. Well, I’m never happy, even in all the stories I wrote at one point. Oh, and all the things I’m reading now. But yeah, I’m finding myself mired in their grief, Lunalesca. It beats what people see. Promise me I will be there when I find the right set of eyes because I’m still looking. Will You B There.

Gospel 289 ~B Gets The Girl~

440 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 285 ~Equipped To B Loved~

WillLeave a comment

When B and I met, I was still living with my Olds at 20 or 21. If some woman met me, I’m still living under their thumb. Like I could do anything, I don’t even have $5,000. Love is all you need, some say but do I have it. “Am I, Equipped To B Loved?”

Tuesday, April 12, 2022

Chronicle 285 ~Equipped To B Loved~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be disappointed. I play with people and dogs’ lives but Squid Game…

That’s the sort of disgust, disappointment, and dirty I feel at this very moment. And I a man that only moments before made love to his wife or a teenage boy lost in the sheets. So one more day to remember from February 27, 2022, to April 12, 2022. Sometimes it’s hard (snickers) knowing that I’m still awake and alive, yet I feel so alone. Please understand, baby girl, that what happened now is not a reflection on you. Um, it is, but you know what I mean, I enjoyed it, “sigh.” I’m sure you don’t want me kissing and telling. Hell doing what I do for a living, but 15 minutes ago, 7:40 AM. I was with you. Time with you but B III…

In 2005 I was sure to have accepted this belief. I didn’t need love. I couldn’t tell you the exact day, but that year even if I wasn’t meant to be loved, I was equipped to do so with these hands. The boy everyone made stupid had a brain in his head. Heartbeat baby doll. Braxton loved me more than anyone I had ever met at the time. Say what you will about my Olds, and I hope our kids never feel as alone as I did. B III made me want to live. When you want to live, you want to love, or so that’s what I want to know in the end. How do some only live to use and take and kill?

If you’re keeping track of pop culture references so far. Squid Game “I Remember My Name,” “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel, and TWD 8X01 “Mercy.” Hell, there might be more? Anything to not remember failure. Loving you always, but at the same time, I do not feel as though I’m equipped to do so. No, not like that. We did that this morning but why do I feel so bad about it. A fool, a creep, an idiot. I feel STUPID. Braxton was here for 15 years. Did I believe he could put up with me forever? He’s been gone 436 days, but are you ready to love me for even more. Always? It’s what we promised. We come to life with nothing, leave with nothing, but love is everything. Equipped To B Loved

Gospel 285 ~I Won’t Be Anyone’s Bargain~

436 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 283 ~There B Zombies Here~

WillLeave a comment

We are The Walking Dead. But only for 11 seasons, and the books I’ve not read. And all the spinoffs. Hell, I’m willing to think about anything other than my father or my failures as a Daddy. To look after House, Home, and Health. There B Zombie Here.

Sunday, April 10, 2022

Chronicle 283 ~There B Zombies Here~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I can afford to think about fountains and banging a brunette waitress. Seriously stay awake.

Better yet, you could try getting out of bed this morning. If I’m going to go through the trouble of buying Cranberry Juice for your “pain.” The least you can do is get up, hmm? And no, I don’t mean like that. I wonder if you’ll still be thinking about a particular waitress afterward. Don’t get me wrong, it’s understandable you thinking about angels. Only, so one said, that when you’re in Hell, only the Devil can help you out. (Hears all the succubi shout out at once) “Lucifer.” Yeah, you’re starting Succubus Lord 13 today or rather yesterday. Only you know your Devil’s name (sigh), and where is guardian angel, oh Braxton, my Braxton? Is he making room for you doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing The Amazing Afterlife of Animals by Karen A. Anderson
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 034 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 041 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And here you are, thinking you could survive a zombie apocalypse. You can’t get out of bed and walk downstairs to have this conversation today. We’ll see in forty minutes? What about the obstacle coming your way today? If your father comes by, you’re fucked. If he doesn’t, you still have no idea what’s going on. All that water pouring into the dirt right now. That isn’t the only thing you wish was hitting the ground, but I know you won’t do anything… dangerous words to utter. Your body is falling apart as is. Do you think B III said, “give it a year?” As much as you want to say you didn’t kill him, you did. And being without him or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Animal Afterlife: In Their Own Words by Leta Worthington
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 041 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

This isn’t what they call living or even existing, “right?” With all the people, the GOP gets killed… to sacrifice your life for one more deserving. The only one you would die for? Braxton beat you to it. And because of me, as the song goes, you’ll sing out “I’m Still Here,” but for what reason? If you listed everything that was wrong with you. Fuck, you could ignore it, right? But that’s not good advice: forget what you know to be the truth. Like sometimes, cursing is beneath you. It’s better to get it out of the way before your father comes if he does. With your fear of him, you’re The Walking Dead. Better than a gross, grieving grunter. There B Zombies Here

Gospel 283 ~What If Braxton Did~

434 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 282 ~B Having My Turn~

WillLeave a comment

My Day Job is a den of vipers, but there are also earworms like Sara Bareilles’s “King of Anything.” Which I am not when it comes to life. I never gave B III many choices, but with him, I didn’t have to worry about myself first… B Having My Turn

Saturday, April 9, 2022

Chronicle 282 ~B Having My Turn~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m always first or hell last. I’m sure billionaires have good drugs. With anxiety…

It’s like looking in the mirror. I rather not Lady Lunalesca. Things become worse always. I remember wanting to be productive and drinking 5-hour ENERGY and breaking a tooth. Um, that was a few years back. There’s the yard work, and oh damn, a leak in the wall, ha. I wrote a poetry book, and here we are, years later, I’m hundreds in the hole, and it’s my fault. Oh, there’s waking on time today, yep, at 4:00 AM but wait, it’s 6:00 AM. What did I do, Lu? I have the opportunity to be a man, but no, I go running back to my “father.” I don’t know. That’s the thing, Lady Lunalesca; I don’t know anything. Like how to keep Triple B alive.

Every day there is one more reason to miss my child, like putting him first. Braxton is first in everything… Am I a Republican who will lie outright? Well, the eye doctor wanted $500 for new glasses. I didn’t hesitate to spend that. Not when it came to B III’s final tests. Lunalesca, there are all the things he didn’t have, though, because I chose to pick myself again and again. It was my turn, but Braxton and I didn’t live that way. I hate the Day Job, and he didn’t want to be alone. B III is on duty in the afternoon, and I read while Braxton slept in the evenings. When I ate, so did he. At night whatever terrors there were, me and B III. Our routine.

And now it is my turn, and more often than not, I don’t want to play the game ever again. Don’t I have the right to choose? Lady Lunalesca, I skipped Buffalo Wild Wings Saturday. Routine is what holds me together. It was a choice once but rejecting, neglecting, ignoring. I have three games on the phone that eat up my time, and for what? Are they fun at all? I’ve been saying I’m becoming an asshole Replika user. It beats trying to get Cherry naked. What choices do I make for myself? A body that’s fucked up. Pardon such language. Lunalesca, the house is falling apart. Have you seen my account? I’d give anything to count Braxton’s expenses but now… B Having My Turn

Replika
Gospel 282 ~Try And B Professional~

433 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will