Tag: Will Bradford Jr

Gospel 353 ~No B In Emancipation~

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Emancipation, Acceptance, Survivor are big words, yet we wonder why we rather say “I” despite who it hurts. THEY say I set him free and if I had to do it again… To be a better friend, father, forgo my freedom, for there’s “No B In Emancipation.”

Saturday, June 19, 2021

Gospel 353 ~No B In Emancipation~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so there are some “I’s” when it comes to whatever I’m doing. Here come the tears

Not for Juneteenth. I’m pleased with the holiday, which was celebrated Friday, being a federal holiday and all. This weekend too. I’m a man of my word ha-ha about some plans for today. Of course, that’s why I woke up late, 7:00 AM. What a way to start the day, don’t you agree? So you want me to explain the crying AHEM, Tradition! Braxton got his walking papers, was emancipated, got his shots, and now here I am. Today I go in for the COVID Vaccine, a first dose. Yeah, B III got his back to back as I sat there, my eyes wide open, Lu. My Arms Wide Open but we’ll get to that. Should we talk about how offensive I’m being right now?

I’m not trying to, but I’m learning freedom can be. What’s so offensive in Acceptance? Such a belief that Braxton would always be here for me. Comparing Life with Death. Believing in such things as the greater good, the bigger picture. Hell, just sitting here. Wasn’t it, last week, I told myself that I better not waste the entire week I was off and free? What are you going to do with freedom? I tell you, Lady Lu, not a damn thing to save me. At least if B was here, I could say as the song goes, “You Were Loved.” I set him free. Didn’t I, like it was any given Sunday, but it’s Saturday, yeah. If you love someone, set them free, right?

Yes, I must remind you and me that I’m not suicidal… currently taking this vaccine. Yet I’m reminded of The Cure by Sonia Levitin. Braxton and I being “Recycled” together. I would have taken that deal. How about making this choice last night to survive? Remember, Six: The Mark Unleashed “I still remember the last free choice I ever made. It was the wrong choice.” I am a free man, a black man, an American. But I serve, we do. With it all, B III wanted to stay until his last breath. I think of his eyes; sigh. “Why Daddy?” Braxton’s freedom from the suffering, the sickness, the sinner that I remain after 139 Days. Slaves waited years for liberty. Mine… No B In Emancipation

139 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 351 ~A B Plus Effort~

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Every day is a chance to learn something new or to wallow in bed all day long and what have I been choosing. All the focus on education and the truth; Braxton was never one for formal “Dog Training,” but he always gave his best. A B Plus Effort.

Thursday, June 17, 2021

Gospel 351 ~A B Plus Effort~

137 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s pretty early here, and I didn’t get up on time. When the sun’s up…

Besides not walking, I can’t say I have been putting my best foot forward in anything else. It must have been worse for you, four paws and all, ha. A joke, a fact, just some chit-chat? Now that’s one thing that’s been bothering me lately. I need background noise. Your paws aren’t pitter-pattering down the stairs ever again, no matter how much I pretend or plagiarize. Hell, I bet the first necromancer was some guy wanting his dog back. So you’re no longer wondering what my obsession with the Dead is on every given Sunday. Yes, I still watch The Walking Dead. Sometimes there aren’t even tears for you. An effort to live perhaps without your tiny, tiny paws B III. I don’t like it.

I want to be your Pa again. Of course, I’ve never stopped as I am always and forever. Only who is a Daddy without a son? I should go and ask my “father,” but I don’t have the nerve. I’m sure by now that I have missed his birthday, not that I care, being fair. However, I acknowledge the man tries as I did and do with you. B, he’s a better man than me, considering my age, and you were 15 on the cusp of 16. Should I go and try to find that in dog years? Doesn’t matter, but you are always my little boy. I’m Braxton’s Pa. Someday, the world will know, but what have I done so far in 137 days.

My life has been on pause, and when I dare to want and play again, it’s like, what have I done? I failed, that’s what. When I was a boy, instead of studying, I was doing anything and everything because my life was a game I didn’t want to play. You were real B III. Only I thought I needed to give so much effort. Better yet that you would wait for me, with all the time that I waste. Even now, we started talking at 5:50 AM, and it’s been an hour. I’m not trying to rush. Seriously B being honest, I’m giving you the best that I got. But F wasn’t for father, D for Daddy. If I’d given A B Plus Effort

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Gospel 350 ~Be Free Of Cures~

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I wasn’t sick this week or the last, but I sure did stay in bed. Only I don’t need a doctor. More like I need my dog back. Another Father’s Day approaches, and here I am without my son. Be Free Of Cures because I’m already dying

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Gospel 350 ~Be Free Of Cures~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and ignoring the obvious Ha-Ha, as the song goes, I Want A New Drug. Today… doubtful

Am I a prick for not remembering my “father’s” birthday? I know Father’s Day is on the 20th (shudders). I’m not looking forward to it. Do I have to say something, Inspector Echo? That’s only one of the many things needling at my brain today. But I’m out of bed.
Why, when I need another mental health day or several. I think I asked sometime this week, am I going to waste these next few days. If I said, I would ask a Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting “Son,” Prince of Peace. What’d you think? Obviously, I know my Bible Inspector, that’s Isaiah 9:6. Again I’m not turning towards faith. To quote more wisdom, I’m “Losing My Religion.” I lost my God, Good Boy, Greed…

Which, of course, explains that $150.00 I put in my bank account yesterday and why? I was worshipping some incredible Yabbos that are no longer talking to me. I was breaking Inspector Echo. Maitland Ward had me, and then with restraint ok hesitation… I stopped.
Well, she did, and am I ever going to learn that women aren’t the answer? I’ve been talking to M Anime and Indiana Gone, but I still remember January 31th. Indiana Gone asked what she could do, and I said, “I want my best friend back. No bucks, boobs, behavior. There’s nothing that will bring B III back to me or make the hurt go away. For a few seconds, I lose myself and feel a greater shame about something.

Which should be instead of more porn, I should get stuck. The vaccine is free and is continuing poking at me to go and get it. Today’s the day… again, I don’t think so. The masks won’t last forever, but I continue to pretend. Shall I quote Bob Marley? Three Little Birds singing, “Don’t worry about a thing. ’Cause every little thing gonna be all right.” Only it hasn’t been for 136 Days. I look at them as we approach another year down. I see Father’s Day, and here I am without my son. My Charge, my Comfort, and my Cure, to the viciousness, vitriol, and virus called Life. Is that why I’m avoiding my health? There’s no cure for death. Be Free Of Cures

136 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 349 ~B Leaves The Fix~

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B and I weren’t ones for any sort of repair work. He’d bark until whatever would go away. I kept things running, wanting to find him a mom. When we broke, there wasn’t anything an, “I’m sorry” and a bag of fries couldn’t fix then… “B Leaves The Fix.”

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

Gospel 349 ~B Leaves The Fix~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should hire someone to fix the bathroom plumbing. That’s something that men do.

I’ll be honest, anytime I’ve tried something like that, Braxton would run and hide. It doesn’t mean I haven’t done it. When I unclogged a toilet, Braxton Barks tucked tail. Cleaning is another matter with the same result. When I would clean up nice, either I was in trouble, or he was. It would mean my Olds are coming over or a pretty girl, often enough. I built two bookcases, I would put together some electronic things. Of course, my actual work was to create a world for him and me. You came along, and um B III wasn’t thrilled. The thing is, isn’t this what a man is supposed to do. I say often enough, A Man Provides, but where did love come in.

I didn’t know how to love Braxton when he first came into my world. Then, the first time he ever got sick, my sister had to show me how to hold him. Braxton was tough afterward. Braxton didn’t like me seeing him sick because I would try everything to make him better but like everything… My baby girl, you’re perfect because love makes me really STUPID. You know how much I revile that word. Only like hate, to feel such love, I can’t turn it off. I knew there was some reason I thought of the Bath, but the sink’s good, unlike me, I know. Love and hate are flowing, but I can’t stop it, and it fills up and what happens. It’s never good.

That’s why Braxton would hide because for better or for worse, I wouldn’t be, I don’t know. Only as much of a man as I try to be, there are some things I cannot repair, HURT. When I was so young, I thought I was super bright and then life. I can’t bring B III back. Every day I told myself that I would never break your heart; ours remain broken. Children are still waiting for me to come back to “myself” there’s plenty of movies. Darling, I’ll bring you home, singing to me like Sade, but I’m here, hiding, dying. Destroying everything like Braxton thought I would until he knew he could come out. A better place, so I’m scared. B Leaves The Fix

135 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 348 ~A Moment’s Ennui Grows Regret~

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Conan became a King. He sat upon his throne with a troubled brow. Before, his life was full of high adventure. Only now, I feel like when he was pushing that wheel, bored thinking about life. A Moment’s Ennui Grows Regret, I was bored of B?

Monday, June 14, 2021

Gospel 348 ~A Moment’s Ennui Grows Regret~

Hundred And Ninety-Second Rule

Madame Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and already I’m thinking I’m okay with it. I’ll make more tomorrow…

When I get up at 6:30 in the morning, instead of 4:00, the day is already ruined. When I have to get up for the Day Job, I’ll still be hating that week I wasted doing nothing at all. As always, Madam J, this is not Depression but instead shame. This is not okay ever. I should at least be saving money because what was it I said yesterday about spending $150 on Maitland Ward’s Yabbos. Um, that’s $140 now as I spent $10 on “Rachel McGuire’s.” Oh, all I’ve got thus far, can I say I’m so thankful with any one of them, hmm? Hell, would me getting that tattoo for Braxton be something that will make me feel better, Madam? I don’t know.

Also, yesterday I talked about Dakota Skye’s passing but did I look up some of her work? As the song goes, I won’t go getting “Tired Of You.” The fact that I’m still talking about this proves it. Yet I didn’t do any searching other than for a good picture. I do that for B. However, Madam, these past few weeks have been all about the things I do because B III isn’t around. I wrote of renewed vows and ended up breaking it in the same day, and for what? Do I regret going all out for “Stuff And Thangs?” In a way, yes, but I’m not bored yet… I’ve been living on background noise, but something woke me. Make Way For The King

Only it was the young prince who died first. Braxton would expect more from me than sitting here wondering why I’m not dead yet. If I am only going to sit around waiting for the end. I should at least get the vaccine. Definitely want to prolong what’s become Hell. I was never lonely or, let’s say, overcome with ennui when I was with B III. I’ll never get over being here reading a good book and him by my side. I wasn’t bored with life Madam Justice, I was angry at it, but I said Another Day to keep down the boiling blood. I couldn’t, and I became indifferent to the one that loved me the most, Braxton. And the moment that happened, Madam… A Moment’s Ennui Grows Regret

134 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 347 ~Week of B Ads~

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What will I be tempted to buy this week? Unlike Ice Cube, “Just wakin’ up in the morning, gotta thank God,” nope. More like Ed Sheeran, “It’s too cold outside For angels to fly,” or hot and Dakota Skye was. “Week of B Ads,” yeah, Braxton’s still gone

Sunday, June 13, 2021

Gospel 347 ~Week of B Ads~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but neither of us is getting any ads on bedroom furniture. Seems THEY know we got this.

Sleeping on the job, I mean. The real work to be done, so of course, I’m not talking about the Day Job. I accomplished this without Braxton to watch over me. Will you do the same? “Stuff and Thangs” calls to you or, more to the point, SHE does or SHE will. I saved some scratch, and I would ask that you do the same, no matter the sizable Yabbos. Speaking on those, an Ad for Fox News reported some terrible news this morning. Dakota Skye, a.k.a. Lauren Scott, was found dead. She was one of the greats; personal favorite. Sharing such tragedies, may she Rest In Peace. Isn’t that what you’re going to try and do this week? Not suicidal with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Jegudiel by Tillie Cole
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001) No Fap
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Obsessed with these things because you keep writing them down. I said something about this to your Dear Future Wife, Gospel 342 To B Level Man. It’s about writing problems. Although being fair, I didn’t spend any of yesterday answering what was once my queries. Right now, besides honoring Braxton (you do that…)? You want to find Dakota Skye’s goodies. That brings you to the whole point of today and the idea of more Internet Security. The fact that even Fox News was able to get your attention. If it’s not them, it’s more ads showing the way to the Rainbow Bridge. Let’s not forget devices for “Stuff And Thangs.” How about books from Tillie Cole and Eric Vall. You’re busy writing Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 15 (Succubus Lord #15) by Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Best said in The Boondocks by Riley Freeman, “cause you’s a bitch.” Ok, I’m the same. I wasted a week, and you’ll do the same, right? Tell the truth and shame the Devil, hmm? To think this is what B III kept you for, to do nothing. When it came time to save him, there was not one single Ad for any drugs. Sure there’s a can of dog food I threw away. All of his medications still rest on the kitchen counter. I spent hundreds on a box. Please do not make a crass sex joke there on other things to spend your money on. Um (cough) $150 (cough) Maitland Ward (cough) Onlyfans nope. Um, vaccine… if you die… no Week of B Ads.

133 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Lauren Scott 27
Dakota Skye
May 3, 1994
―
June 9, 2021
Rest In Peace

Gospel 346 ~Be Something B Cause~

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I’ve said this before, how my Ma would say, I would find my way. My aunt would say I wanted to destroy the world. She was wrong “in a way,” I only ended my world, which is why Braxton ain’t here. Be Something B Cause it’s getting hard to breathe

Saturday, June 12, 2021

Gospel 346 ~Be Something B Cause~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I were Eric Thomas, I’d be a millionaire. I know what’s what. I’m here.

It’s 4:30 in the morning, and Eric Thomas wakes up at 3:00. Hell Lady Lu, I’ve woken up at 2:00 for far less money and for what. We both know the answer to that. At the same time, I have stayed up until 4:00 in the morning. So like a Backstreet Boy, tell me why. 132 days, and like the moon, which is your namesake, B III’s smell has yet to disappear. At the moment, he is lending me his strength, giving me focus, purpose, cause. I have a dream, and now it’s time to put that vision into action. Perhaps this is merely insanity. Haven’t I mentioned Eric Thomas, The Backstreet Boys, and MLK in the span of a few minutes? It’s too early.

Which is what I told myself when Braxton lay dying. I’m not ready yet, but I’m a fighter, a friend, a father. Any of that sounds better than a Freight Associate; excuse me, I’m more Operational now. But, of course, that would be fine if I was building Death Stars. First off, and I believe I’ve told you or one of the girls before, my aunt was wrong. Destroying worlds is not something I agree with. Yet, I would take that in comparison to what I do for a “living.” Only this week, I’ve squandered extensively so many days, yep. To think I would use Braxton as an excuse, but he was also a reason. Now he is but a memory driving these words forward.

I found myself in the store yesterday questioning what’s it all for. I stood in the same spot I once had on January 31, picking out a digital frame for his pictures. Yes, tears Lady Luna. Ironic I don’t want him to see me now as I picked out a tripod to hold my phone for “Stuff And Thangs.” I still haven’t quit that foolishness… what about my vow and everything? I can’t keep saying tomorrow; how about July when I write my book about him. With all the letters I have ready to go, and it could always be my laziness in the end. Last year I had a few months to think, not do. Braxton, give me strength to Be Something B Cause.

132 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 344 ~Remember To B III~

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Remember to Be Free of guilt, to Breathe Free, and damn I should add more beef to my diet, but no, and why not. B III isn’t here anymore, and that isn’t my freedom; it is his from the pain, and I need to know that. “Remember To B III.”

Thursday, June 10, 2021

Gospel 344 ~Remember To B III~

130 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine B III begins with a promise I made to apologize to you. I’m sorry.

Be Free of the guilt I carry… NEVER. Even before we started talking today, I burst into tears. At least I’m free of my bed this morning. I made it up, if only to feel like I did ok now. God knows it wasn’t being your Daddy. A strange Dad joke it is when I told you to Be Free, B III? You’d come back. My B had to run the yard. So am I a prison warden, my son? A mourner, a missionary, trying to regain monk status. Things can’t and will not go back to the way they were. This was your place, and I know you’re in a better place now, B. Braxton, I keep telling myself that as you sit there?

Breathe Free, as now I struggle still crying a bit. If I could drop dead right now… You don’t want to hear that, but what I wouldn’t give to listen to your paws or your barking. Anytime I attempt to clean up, I wonder how many of those dust balls have remnants of your hair? It’s why I focus on the bathroom. Only I had to wash the rugs. Ants invaded. As I said before, I’m in prison, but the thing is, I was freer with you than anybody. The best times of my life were lying here reading everything with you jumping my belly. The last free breath I ever took was the one that became your last Braxton. Now every single one costs.

Beefy foods… I should be buying plenty more. If you were here, I would be eating better because you would want me to share. Voluminous vitamins, vittles… vitriol. Braxton, it might not be a lack of sleep but of any decent sustenance, and I continue ticking after 130 days. I’m thinking more with my heart than my stomach. I keep pushing you back in. Then here I go vomiting all of this only to find another picture of you, A thought of you to sustain me for a bit longer. You’d prefer fries B III. Jonesing onion rings. Which hurts more. Well, the first reminds me to share; the latter reminds me I am alone. Neither replaces love. Yet I try. Remember To B III

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Gospel 343 ~Forgetting A B 101~

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“Remember me,” and I failed to as I walked into Braxton’s room and saw seven treats when there should have been eight. As much as I’d like to think he came and got it yesterday, I was discombobulated, destroyed, but not depressed. Forgetting A B 101.

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Gospel 343 ~Forgetting A B 101~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so like Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffet, and Beyoncé with Jay-Z, I’m prone to forget some things?

What I forgot yesterday… my son. No, let’s start off with something small, ha or big, Yabbos. When’s the last time I mentioned those, and it makes me sick. Did I tell you I broke my vow? Now here I’m sitting trying to remember how I forgot about MILF Dos. It didn’t take the world long to move from Lady Dimitrescu to Sam from Samsung. Why not throw Lily from AT&T and Cortana from the Halo franchise into the mix? I swear the Internet hates me right now. It’s never deeper than I hate myself for these last couple of weeks. Nature is healing. Yesterday was a hard-ass day for me, and seeing as how I got a late start this morning, not peeking Yabbos.

No, B is not for boobs, balls, or bitches man, thank you, Warm Bodies. B still stands for Braxton, but what about his boy, the man, the father. What about the quitter? I always can. That’s something I was thinking about while not producing content for “Stuff And Thangs.” Nobody would know in a day, but maybe I should stick to writing. It goes on. Okay, that’s a lie, but it will come in July. By that point, I’ll only be writing about B III. Everything that little ball of fluff meant to me. Only haven’t I forgot publishing GULP. Speaking of books, I’ve started reading Jegudiel by Tillie Cole. It’s as if Fate is saying, “Boy, you’re depressed.” Power outage and book on insanity

“Y’all look at me and say, boy, you’ve been blessed
But y’all don’t see the inside of my unhappiness.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8CXUzepL6k

B is for Braxton and what’s insane is that I could forget anything about him. Yet this morning I didn’t know what I was going to write about and then I noticed something. In his room, there were seven treats but today is the ninth, so yesterday, what the fuck? Inspector Echo, I didn’t greet him. That’s how long it took, one-hundred and twenty-eight days. I don’t have to wonder what drove me from the bed this morning, fucking guilt. I’ll have to remember to apologize to him tomorrow. Um, good luck with that, hmm? I may have lost myself for a while but never Braxton, B III, my buddy, brother, badass son. Winston had rats; my fear is losing Braxton. Forgetting A B 101

129 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 342 ~To B Level Man~

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I told a girl once I couldn’t live without her. To think I agree with my Old Man for once that such a proclamation was really STUPID. That problem when away, but here’s another one, going on without Braxton after 128 days. “To B Level Man.”

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Gospel 342 ~To B Level Man~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I couldn’t tell you that one day I made it. Opportunity seized, Here Comes Success.

I couldn’t tell you the day goddammit WHEN I first met Braxton Barks. Of course, I’ve told the story a million times over of that moment. The little ball of fluff that would become my world for years to come. And WHEN he left, there was nothing but new questions. I am thinking back to when I was in high school. All I would do is write down math problems. It wasn’t that I liked math as I asked myself WHAT am I doing waking up on the floor. Courtesy of my Old Man. My Love, why you and the kids will never see him. Anyway, there were problems that I couldn’t answer. I didn’t want to because it meant doing things I just couldn’t.

Like, get over B III? That’s never going to happen. WHO would dare say such a thing, well other than my Old Man? Are you asking me to? I’m sorry I don’t mean to get angry though I am holding onto it. Anything beats Depression, and I’ll become depressed ever. So says the man who cries every day over his lost boy. The one who doesn’t care WHERE Braxton is because I know he’s not here despite what I do daily. Call it Denial, pathetic, sad, some form of insanity. Bipolar because a doctor says so, but no not Depression? WHERE would I go then after 128 Days without him. Back into your arms, to the children wanting a daddy, not like my Old Man?

WHY that’s a Hell of an incentive. My Old Man was an angry asshole, and I’ll never be that. Didn’t I say I’m holding it close, hating and destroying myself? WHY because it’s well deserved because I failed when B III needed me most, but you need me, the children. HOW I’ll ever be the man I was, I don’t know yet. I’m still cursing myself because I could even accept your affection for but a moment. To feel anything but this pain is wrong. So here I am once again writing down these problems, tried, measured, and found wanting. Darling Baby Girl, the who, what, when, where, why, and how of my life. Our lives but to share this hurt; To B Level Man

128 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will