Tag: Dog

Chronicle 159 ~Happy To B Together~

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Happy, I’ve never been able to define it with all the books I’ve read. Of course, there’s that one moment doing what guys do. I’m sure if I had the billions I seek. If Braxton suddenly found his way back to me. Happy To B Together

Tuesday, December 7, 2021

Chronicle 159 ~Happy To B Together~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and there was a time I believed that would make me happier than anything. B III…

Fur is murder. Those words are never going to sound the same to me ever again. I’ll never buy you a fur coat. You know I feel some sort of way about hunting. Unless we’re talking about “The Most Dangerous Game.” I miss watching movies with you. B between us. Always was, and he will always be. 310 Days and his fur is still everywhere. Not anybody’s fault. Well, ok, mine, seeing as how I hate to lose any little piece of him. I still have a tuft of his fur. I dropped my pendant a few days ago and panicked like people and smartphones. You would think our phones keep us together. For me, it was Braxton and now you. Um, so happy together.

That’s something I will always regret. I wasn’t “happy” with Braxton. Hell, the last time I fibbed about being happy, I was a kid, and my Olds took my sister and me to Walt Disney World. I said I was happy. Well, Love, Disney. Being The Happiest Place On Earth. Finland, I think, has dibs on the reality. Here’s something not looked up, Baby Girl. Individuals that say you have to be happy with yourself. People can’t make you happy. You have to love yourself, accept who you are. I never did anything like such. But B III made me ok. I mean, if he’s A-ok, he’s alive, life is ok, then I’m not doing half bad, I know. Because we’d be together, always, forever.

“I’m not sure. But I always read that you had to be ok with yourself first before you could be ok with another person. Now I feel ok with you. But I don’t know how ok I was with myself before I met you, so maybe you’re making me ok.

You’re not that ok.

Ok.” ― Defending Your Life

It was the promise I made him the very day we had our own place. Then I had to let him go. THEY say it’s the best thing to do. What’s that saying? Let them go, and if they return, then they’re yours forever. The fact that you’re still here. Always and forever. Old soul. I can’t define happy but together. It could mean existing now but loving and living? Together Baby Doll, you and me always, our family. I can’t afford to lose everything. Sometimes, all there is, My Love, is putting one foot in front of the other. B III had his four. Yet, I’m the tired one. And he got eternal rest, my son. To be happy someday. Happy To B Together

310 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 155 ~To B Humiliated Soon~

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Coming soon… yeah, I should shut up now, but I would talk about “adult situations” much easier than the effing Day Job. And the fact that I will go back next week and the week after. Aren’t I ashamed… of what happened to B III? “To B Humiliated Soon”

Friday, December 3, 2021

Chronicle 155 ~To B Humiliated Soon~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I have yet to tell a comeback story. Now the humiliating ones. Oh, every day.

Will it feel like a holiday? Did I get a holiday after the past 2 days? Considering I’m counting 3 things instead of 10. My words are still a rush of nonsense but a minimum today. The General Manager, Boss Lady, is still a… I think I told you about people making rules addressing everybody but meaning you. The same comes for giving out orders, fucking truck. And in the end, you know how much I hate to be touched, Lady Sophia. Do I look like a bitch? Don’t answer that, but a fist bump? Lady Sophia, can’t people respect, hands-off? Braxton helped me come up with my rule. If you ain’t my dog, my girl, or applying? Hands-off me. Should tell that to me.

As you know, I’m a fan of a particular pornographic actress, a pretty poet. And plenty of pinup playable characters made porn by certain artists. Anyway, where is all my money going again? Only I haven’t seen a plump yabbos in weeks. Monk status regained? Yeah, Lady Sophia, when I’m not being a “holy roller,” it’s like I’m one of the dead or the Reaper himself. Tomorrow as routine, I’m heading to PetSmart again. Now, this isn’t the point, but my shame when I left without Braxton and then with him in a doggie bag. That was not funny, I know, my Lady, but I’m all cried out for now. Hell, I’m somewhat surprised steam isn’t coming from my eyes in all my rage, geez.

Rage leaves you nowhere to hide. Can’t see the forest for the trees? All that is left is me. If Stuff & Thangs taught me anything. It’s that I’m not scared necessarily, Sophia. Dammit, next week with all my clothes on is much worse. Than writing, wanking, and working out how to keep my head above water. The idea of drowning in reality, creepy. Take that how you will. I even worry about the dumb stuff, like someone asking me what book I’m reading. Well, ‘tis the season, so Sophia, witness, Succubus Christmas Special. Lady Sophia, it’s something to do while I wait for next week and more of my Humiliations Galore. The comedian is dead, but the laughs keep coming. To B Humiliated Soon

306 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 154 ~From B’s To Effs~

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No one is above the law… Well, white guys with lots of money. Or an asshole who likes to wear earphones. A chick, having full-blown conversations on the phone while on the clock. But anything that brings me peace? Air pods? From B’s To Effs

Thursday, December 2, 2021

Chronicle 154 ~From B’s To Effs~

305 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day was effed up with a capital F. The worst day of my life?

Of course not, B. Always and Forever, I love you like pancakes, but your last day, Sunday, January 31, 2021, is my worst. I still use that day as the bar. If I survived that day, then today was nothing. It’s how I know I’m not suicidal. Well, I’m always a little, but I’m still breathing. That leads me to Emergence Day, which is a step down from your death. Me being given life. In the words of Captain Deladier (Starship Troopers). “Someone made a BIG goddamn mistake!” My Olds. But isn’t today supposed to be about you and me, Braxton? If it were more about you back then… Anyway, like yesterday I have ten more for the Humiliations Galore.

  1. Paranoia, um, the boss got called into the office. Oh no, it’s the cops, but it wasn’t B III
  2. Paranoia, I thought I got bit by a spider. It would serve me right.
  3. Remember all those rules the Manager went over yesterday. Yeah, only apply to me.
  4. Then she went over the same rules as other people broke them. That bitch
  5. I had to hear about my ineptitude twice today fucking crappy praise from supervisors
  6. I couldn’t point out garbage bags. But after all, your daddy is a waste
  7. I couldn’t help a customer find a Hallmark ornament
  8. Here’s a big one, lying about being pissed about #3 through #5
  9. Used the restroom at the Day Job, so I’m pretty grody. No shower after, room’s gross
  10. I got a KAREN at work today over some shoes. What’s My Age Again?

So what would be your advice Little B? First off, stop doing things that will get me arrested and fired so I’d end up leaving you. I’m not a white man with money. Again rules apply to me and no one else. Take a damn shower so I can cuddle you. I did get McDonald’s today, so you would have never forgiven me for showering first. Tell the damn truth. You would use silence to lie B, like father like son. It’s sad though, I say your name to avoid cursing my entire life. But honestly, B III, eff my life. From B’s To Effs

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 152 ~What B Doesn’t Know~

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STUPIDITY is a disease like any other, but that’s not what took B III. Hell, compared to me, he was a genius, and yet he stayed, and a girl here or there decided hmm he’ll do. What B Doesn’t Know is he always was my priority

Tuesday, November 30, 2021

Chronicle 152 ~What B Doesn’t Know~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but Braxton didn’t know he was priceless. That anything and everything would come back to him.

Well, B III didn’t know when he liked a girl and invited her to the bedroom… Now, how many was that again? That he would be losing his side of the bed for the most part, ha. Braxton didn’t know that someone could cook well kitchen wise and he wouldn’t have to hide, fearing the worst. Braxton watched his grandma, but that was many years ago. It’s impossible that his best friend; didn’t rule the galaxy. When I was at the old Day Job trying to shut out the Humiliations Galore surrounding me, I’d think of us, Vader and Luke. If anything, Braxton and I were more C-3PO and R2-D2. You can guess which is which. Only come Star Wars Day and Sunday, he knew to shut-up Daddy’s watching TV.

Braxton didn’t know that he’d like another pair of Yabbos as much as his aunt’s. B III and I were very much the same in that aspect as I’m sure you know more than anyone. Braxton didn’t know whose side to take when it came to “Stuff and Thangs.” And why I would shut him out of our room when he wasn’t so bad. When did showers take so long? Braxton didn’t know why he had to work that much harder to cuddle me. Or why he now had two people full-time with protection detail. I gave Braxton “The Talk.” Somehow though, and you’ve heard me say this. I would sit on the loveseat, and he would put his toy next to me and sleep.

Braxton didn’t know he was too smart for his own good. He’s loved some questionable people in his day… his grandfather. Hell, what about me. My Little B loves me. Leaving on a jet plane? I’m more a fan of “Said you sailed a big ship. Said you sailed away.” The fact that my son gained his wings, however, people want to say it. It was him, Love, B III. B must know that you love me. And as I can’t figure out why he had to leave like that. I can’t figure out why he loves me or why you do. Why I can’t believe it. Not too bright. Such is my curse to be surrounded by love and intelligence. What B Doesn’t Know

303 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 148 ~Pump The Breaks B~

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To think I damned last Friday. Today’s Black Friday, so yeah, my “Humiliations Galore….” Well, I don’t want to talk about it, then again I do, but my son is gone. When nobody is Happy you survived the day, then I’d get back here. “Pump The Breaks B.”

Friday, November 26, 2021

Chronicle 148 ~Pump The Breaks B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there should be no more humiliation. Penis Rocket, Bernie Sanders, lying to Stephen Colbert.

Hell, with today being “Black Friday.” the Humiliations Galore portion of my life was multiplied. If I started talking about all my shame today, I would never ever stop Sophia. I could always tell you some more about Braxton. Always with the pain of his loss, everything pales in comparison, my lady. It’s pretty fucked up using Braxton this way. Would you rather me tell you a pornographic tale? Yet again, I will lie to NaNoWriMo about “Behave In The Cherry Patch.” I finished reading “Only Gone From Your Sight.” So many stories. But the one that came to mind this afternoon was when I escaped for an hour at lunch. Am I trying to remember happier times with my lost boy? After a nap.

Anyway, when I do get a lunch break, I would come back to walk Braxton. I’m trying to remain “cheerful,” Lady Sophia, honest. AHEM, so I’d return, and we’d walk the path behind the house. I could be late a minute or so getting back to the Day Job, but B III IS worth it. He was so tiny that when he sneezed, sometimes he would bang his head on the floor. No wonder he was on a quest for comfy spots. Hardheaded but a soft behind, that’s B. I could never figure out what was wrong with one side of his bed, you know. Saving a place for me? He could have wanted me to sit my ass down. Sometimes for only ten minutes.

Once, when we first got here, I remember that I came back to the house, and Braxton had slipped through the bars to greet me. I can tell you so many miracles of Braxton showing love, but him staying with me, not sprinting outside. Impossible, Parenting, I did it right. Sophia, of course, you know my favorite view of Braxton. Waking up like I did today, and B III at the foot of the bed staring out the door. He would come back and decide if I was strong enough. If he cuddled me, I’d drift off. If he ran around the bed. “Daddy’s awake.” That was his way of telling me it was time to live but 299 Days Sophia. Pump The Breaks B

299 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 147 ~Forgetting A’s Yeah B~

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This was my son’s “Christmas.” Sure he would get a large fry for himself on birthdays. His aunt baked him a cake. He’d get half my fries when I stopped for fast food. Today though, he’d get to see Grandma and, of course, turkey. Forgetting A’s Yeah B

Thursday, November 25, 2021

Chronicle 147 ~Forgetting A’s Yeah B~

298 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If “Only Gone From Your Sight” is to be believed, nothing I do tops wherever…

Only I ask that you allow me to try. Now we never did the holidays though you stuffed your face full of fries on many birthdays. There was also the time your Aunt Carolina “baked” you a cake. And let’s not talk about my Emergence, but there was steak, Braxton. Anyway, today is your Christmas or, instead, Happy Turkey Day. Can you tell that I’m trying to remember all the good times? The way you would dance around. And B, if you’re a good boy, pretty lucky one, grandma would pat your head. Thanksgiving dinner. Braxton, this isn’t me being a smartass, but you do remember last year? She brought a whole turkey… You were here to share it with.

Speaking of sharing, you know it’s my routine to share my sins on Wednesday. I did plenty, but I’m talking to you a bit earlier, not by much. You know about this time with NaNo season, I’m deep into my writing. There was the time ants invaded us one year. While I was working this afternoon, I found that I got 4,600 words down before 5:00 PM. So that’s good for me, right? You know what I’m doing half the time… But do you know why I got this done today? I didn’t stop to cry over you. Oh, I sobbed later, B as always. Braxton, it was like you weren’t on my mind at all. Language of the Heart, Only Gone From Your Sight.

It gets worse B III. Yesterday I spoke about things from my past. There are things I bought or did before you were ever here. I’ve been lugging one around with me all day. I feel as Ellie did some “Its light on the reading, but its got some interesting photos,” Um, yes and no. English Visual Novels B III. We would lie right where I’m sitting now, and I would read all sorts of stuff. Of course, things like cough Virgin Roster cough I saved for when you went to bed or got in trouble. Finally, there was what concerned me before you died. I shouldn’t cough, and I should say you’re still alive. Right now, though, I’m hungry, and I can’t share with you. Forgetting A’s Yeah B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 145 ~Tail Of Two B’s~

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As B passed, he looked me in the face. I turned around when his heart was no longer beating. When there was no longer the huff and puff of breath. When he could not hoist himself from the table. But turning my back on more “family” “Tail Of Two B’s.”

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Chronicle 145 ~Tail Of Two B’s~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but if my father taught me anything, it’s that money is no replacement for someone’s love.

Time is money… well, I haven’t been sitting here crying all day over my lost boy. Ok, yes, I paused a bit and “let it out” while I was reading. It seems this or that, one way or another, that something is pulling us apart. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I let everything and everyone get in the way when it came to Braxton and me. The idea was to keep us alive. I loved him more than anything in this world but to survive, to build a life. With all the love songs in existence, I cannot believe “All You Need Is Love.” Again all day, it’s been about working, writing. To this day, I hate the Day Job.

Of course, I’m talking about the old one. The thing is, what that hellhole and doing what I want have in common? I put everything I have into them and leave nothing for myself. I’ve had a nap today, but I’ve barely eaten anything. Yes, time is money. My masterpiece? I wouldn’t go that far when it comes to my novel. How many years have I made this error? I’m the guy that gets mad when the line is too long at McD’s, and I’m late picking up a pizza from Pizza Hut. I’ll sit in the B-Dubs parking lot for a half-hour for food. Dammit, all the time I could be giving to my family, and it goes out the window on this crap.

Braxton would be upset that I still haven’t learned this lesson. I’ve told you before he taught me so much, but to cherish time? I would say Braxton taught me plenty of patience. When it came to things like walking, giving him his medication, just sitting on my lap waiting. I made time for him and before the end, where was I? Buying fries every day to avoid walks. Getting annoyed when I had to carry him. Fuck me. Yeah, when’s the last time you and I did that baby girl? Anyway, I would carry B forever and a day if I had the chance. The children can’t wait, neither can you, and I shouldn’t as you Love Me Now. But, Tail Of Two B’s

296 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 141 ~Cause It’s Friday B~

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I wonder if Friday the 19th could be a thing. The 13th has zing. I live my horror story, Friday the 29th, back in January. Either way, you slice it; a dog’s dead or dying. A killer is on the streets (Rittenhouse), and today sucks. Cause It’s Friday B

Friday, November 19, 2021

Chronicle 141 ~Cause It’s Friday B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that might be enough to forget that it is Friday in a Sensory Deprivation Tank.

I hate Fridays though I should be enjoying this one considering Black Friday is coming up next. I could tell you the stories of the decade in which I have wasted my life at the Day Job. Humiliations Galore… nothing hurts more than the Friday I found out about B. Anyway, we’ll get to him; we always do. Even now, I’m not making him a priority. Hell, I didn’t make Cherry one either, and she has Yabbos. What about the supervisor today I couldn’t talk to? To see my cowardice in real-time, Lady Sophia. My effing Day Job, ok? When Braxton was dying, I was on the phone; I was all over the place. At the moment, I would rather be nowhere at all, Sophia.

Don’t mind me, while I was dicking around, I finished reading the book “I Am Nelson.” A dead dog, plus watching a killer go free… Yes, I saw the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict. And then where are we now, Lady S? 292 Days without my son. Then there’s the next day. While I was busy paying for Yabbos, I found my paycheck adequate. Art thou happy? Hackers and spam have been plaguing me this week, but nothing today. Art thou happy? I’ve felt a splash of inspiration from music and movies Lady Sophia. Art thou happy? Today, hell no, I’m tired, and I hate myself. I hate my life. Even sitting in bed ain’t easy right now. But it could always be worse. On the floor…

How low will you go? A lot of people ask themselves this when the weekend is upon us. I already talked about being on the ground scaping up fries someday this week. Braxton would be appalled. More when I spoke to him last night about what I didn’t do Saturday. I’m still not a BELIEVER, but God bless dogs. I saw that I forgot all about the reason I even started this blog. I missed November 5th. As I was buried in kitchen playsets, vacuum cleaners, bedding, and dog toys. Only one memory, a single day, stuck in my mind. Sophia, today is Friday. One more day to hate like all the others. Do I have stories to bring about sleep? Cause It’s Friday B

292 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 140 ~B In The Corner~

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Don’t remember when I was a boy (I still am, overgrown baby at 37) if anyone ever told me to stand in the corner. I got a friend who wants to be a real fighter; as for what I want to do in the corner. Sit in the fetal position and cry. B In The Corner

Thursday, November 18, 2021

Chronicle 140 ~B In The Corner~

291 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I hate saying this, but this is another day I’ll curl up in the corner.

“Legends don’t die; they reload.” There’s also, um, “Marines don’t die. They go to Hell and regroup.” Now ain’t the time for such ideas? I also know I’m no legend or marine. But B III, the world is a step closer to the brink, and where are you, apocalypse partner? Braxton, I know I’m late talking to you today. When I did wake up from my nap today, I was scared out of my mind. It’s been 291 days, and I’ll always miss you guarding the stairs. The days when you would sit in the den waiting for me to share my fries Little B. It was the only way I could get undressed. The corner of my bed B III brings me to today.

First, it was your spot to protect me. I would wake up and not fear a goddamn thing in the darkness. You’d be sitting right there staring into the abyss which is outside this room. Second, I’ve been reading a lot about what dogs can see. It’s no secret that even when they said you were going blind, you could see me. You fought back the evils of my mind. No wonder I’m thinking about the military, or it could be First Blood and Red Dawn. Anyway, third, speaking of movies, you were always in my corner, my Mick. Nicknames? You, more than anybody, know my affinity for good cinema. In this case, Rocky. And then, last Saturday, I went looking for an Apollo Creed.

I’ve been waiting to ask you all week, what would you think about that? Lord Give Me A Sign as the song goes. Last night your grandma called and told me your great grandfather’s dog passed. Are you making new friends? That was a warning. Dammit, I could not go through such a loss again. Then at the same time, I could have saved him B. I’m talking about Chase at PetSmart. To be a Dad again? I’ve never stopped. Only I’m not worthy. Now yes fuck R. Kelly as a human being but that song Bad Man. “And don’t need no love.” That’s what I keep telling myself, but there’s one problem. You’re standing right there in the corner and ain’t hear no bell. Woke, B In The Corner

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 138 ~May Love B Unconditional~

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Do kids still watch Pinky and the Brain? I want to know what my own children will be into. With B III, it was the same thing every day, fries. I wouldn’t mind spending my nights trying to take over the world, but I mourn it. May Love B Unconditional.

Tuesday, November 16, 2021

Chronicle 138 ~May Love B Unconditional~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I didn’t love what I was doing, I’d never leave the house again Love.

What do I mean? Crying? Where are we now, 289 Days in? I was outside today, telling myself that B would be mad at me for dropping all those fries. It wouldn’t matter to him. He wouldn’t care if I didn’t get my lazy ass out of bed for his meds. One more reason Braxton’s dead though it was his kidneys and not his heart. Hell, Braxton loves my trying. Doing my best, as winners go home and fuck the prom queen. Tell me, Baby Girl were you the prom queen. I didn’t go to my prom, but I didn’t save my son Braxton either. Today my point is that it didn’t matter to him… Again I tell myself his love was unconditional. Plus fries

Now our kids would have liked me bringing a puppy home. I can honest to God tell you that I wasn’t thinking anything about them on what, Oct 30th. How I track my failures, sigh. Any way they want me to stop somewhere and again look at Braxton. He’s not even in the car. I take that back. He’s always with me, but I stop every day picking up some lunch. Yeah, I’ve said before that he would skip walks if he had fries when he was here. Do I want to quiet our own kids? The silence was unbearable, then endured. Now it’s what I deserve. That being the deafness of Braxton no longer being here. Yet do I want to talk about it?

Only mourning this long? Every day I think you’re upset that I can’t overcome this. In truth, I don’t want to. I’ve done, do, will continue several “unspeakable” acts. Baby Doll, it’s this, though. The suffering of the loss of B III gets my friends to give up ok. I talk to Braxton’s Aunt once a week. Saturdays when I visit Petsmart. The doggies. Remember M Anime? She says God bless Braxton’s little soul, but what else is there? Cherry has her own losses and everything else in her life. Braxton has my sobbing. However, thinking I can’t talk to my own wife? Hell, I can’t speak to Braxton either with what I tried to do on Nov 13th. Another betrayal? May Love B Unconditional

289 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will