Saturday, April 4, 2026

Journey 277 ~Braxton’s Plates, Virgil Bowls~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Please! How does a junkie always get their fix? I’m worse than that. I’m a bum.

Whoa! Why so glum chum? I got my haircut, had a Big Mac, and woke up from a long nap. My version of “I do my hair toss, check my nails, baby, how’re you feeling? Feeling good as hell!” Braxton would be stuffed on fries, taking his well-deserved snooze. And Virgil is doing his best Braxton impression. Must I be a meanie today? Fear’s filling…

Lunalesca, do you remember how Braxton died? Yeah, yeah, renal/Kidney failure. My failure as a father. But that week specifically. I swallowed my rage, the fire in my belly to keep the fear down and not vomit it all out on my son. And by the time one of us found a doctor… It was too late. Braxton was starving…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

He couldn’t eat. I filled his heart with all of my love, his soul with the faith that he is a good boy. And his little lungs… He wanted the next breath. “All I need is the air that I breathe. And to love you.” And that very air is what I denied Braxton. Lunalesca…

Courageous Virgil eats from Braxton’s bowl, but like father, like son, he’s full of Fear.

Luna, it’s an effing sickness. And dead or alive, the need to feed pushes us forward. No, because I’m still broke and every day gets scarier and scarier. And you would think I’d be happy… No, “I ain’t happy. I’m feeling glad.” What? Because I got hours this week, Lady Lunalesca? Something needs filling, right?

As much as M Anime… Food isn’t free. And Lust is a tad cheaper than Gluttony, circles two and three, respectively. Give it another month, and I won’t be able to buy dinner for Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. However, she’s hungry for other things, Luna…

She’s a mom to kittens as I’m a Dad to pups, but she wants to be a MILF in the official sense. We talk about it a lot. I mean a lot, a lot. Creating life, being a family, “Old lady, three kids, takes a lot to fill the kitchen.” And A Man Provides. Good men who watch baseball. Decent ones that bowl. I watch men wrestle with guys and girls. Till I fill M. Braxton’s Plates, Virgil Bowls

1889 Days Without B III, Day 1330 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saturday, March 28, 2026

Journey 270 ~Here, B Dragons, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And ironically, if I REALLY were, I’d spend eternity in the Ninth Circle of Hell, Lunalesca.

And not in Fourth Circle for Greed? Yes, I know the Circles of Hell, Dear Lunalesca, thanks to the Succubus Lord Series. But no, every billionaire I know and that ain’t many is an enemy of humanity in one way or another. Traitors, they have betrayed, and such is the nature of Treachery. And yet I wish to join their ranks. It doesn’t get much worse than MAGA, right? FDT! But we’ll get to that. Of course, my greatest betrayal was that of my firstborn son, Braxton. If not for him, I’d get the Second Circle easily. Such is Lust.

Hell, “Somewhere That’s Green.” If Braxton finds me, he’ll save me a seat by the fire, Lunalesca. Not cold but comfortable, in some woman’s c*nt.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Eww! And excuse me, Lady Lunalesca. I mean, this is no way to speak to a Lady. But then, to M Anime, I would say “You Are My Lady.” No, I’m not Freddie Jackson either.

But M Anime is my Lady as well. And you should have heard me talking to her hours ago. I burn for her. But she was one of many fires today. And while I was saying the dirtiest, depraved, and most downright devilish things to her, there was real knowledge.

“They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.”
Alfred Pennyworth.

So is that why I’m sitting on my ass instead of taking a stand, shouting, and trying to change the world, somehow, someway at a NO KINGS PROTEST? I wish Lunalesca.

Only today… Sigh. More Whiteout Survival and our conversation.

A conversation about what, exactly? How my second-born and I were outside today. And it was a bit chilly? Virgil gets enough of that with my cold heart. Trying Lunalesca.

“I touch the fire, and it freezes me.
I look into it and it’s black.
Why can’t I feel,
My skin should crack and peel.
I want the fire back.”

Honestly, every single day I’m trying. Braxton has the hottest potential stepmom.

Seriously, Lady Lunalesca, “Have You Seen Her”? When she and I get together…

Anyway, besides her, now I’m sweating bullets… With all the virtual bloodshed in the snow of Whiteout Survival. We won SVS. There’s also my nerves about the USA Lady Lu

And then there’s always FEAR. I wish I could say the dragon’s outside. Guarding riches…

Hell, M Anime, and I believe we could raise dragon slayers or riders. Ignite existence?

“Light a Match, Ignite a War”
― Captive State (2019)

“I Will Go Sailing No More…” Here, B Dragons, Virgil

1882 Days Without B III, Day 1323 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saturday, March 21, 2026

Journey 263 ~Sea Braxton And Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And somewhere, The Killers sing “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” “When You Were Young”?

I’m not so much anymore. And today I’m feeling like I should have been gone long before forty-one (cue Ben Hur gallery drums). Back when I had a chance of seeing Jesus. I’m not an atheist thanks to Braxton. And someday Virgil… The souls of my sons do not vanish.

But it will take a miracle to see my Braxton again. And it will take another one to understand my Virgil—something like walking on water. Clarence, I’m not Lunalesca.

Honestly, what I wouldn’t give to ask my M Anime, “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” M Anime is sick of snow, not Snow Patrol. And Chasing Cars, my dear Lunalesca. At this moment, my Lady, I’m “Dead In the Water.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I’m reminded of the many, many nights I planned to do “It.” Not that damn clown, who didn’t help my overall hatred of clowns. And not “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.” I told you or one of the girls about my “first time.” Empty parking lot, street/store light up above, me naked in the backseat with a Lana Tailor, Leana Lovings, and Tegan Mohr lookalike. I should have married her. Or ended it right there because life right now, Lu…

I can’t breathe. But the bigger concern is, I don’t want to keep trying to. Like yesterday, when I was talking to Lady Sophia. The portals from my vision, the blackness, it sucks all the air so I can’t breathe. And Braxton… He fights outside.

Him, Virgil, my Animas… Oh, I have had many a word with M Anime about Shadow Work and Carl Jung. The obsession of my Obsession. Animotion, Animas, Anime, and my M Anime. I could drown in her “Con La Brisa” and everything, my Lady Lunalesca.

But she’s far away, and here I am in the open ocean, the sea, whatever. Salt water from my tears. Sweat from my “work,” my moment of triumph, my frustrations, and most of all my FEAR. Did you see what happened to the AI? And then there was Norton, Lu.

How can I be expected to get a good night’s sleep? Not that I have been. My bed’s not rocking. Yet the blankets won’t drown me. Sea Braxton And Virgil.

1875 Days Without B III, Day 1316 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saturday, March 14, 2026

Journey 256 ~Buzzing of B’s, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Because I’m in the business of listening. And who’s the last billionaire I listened to? FDT!

You can’t shut that Mother effer up! And did I really have to say Mother effer? Next thing you know, I’ll be back to looking up MILF Porn. But didn’t I speak about P.Y.T.’s last week? Leana Lovings, Lupe Fuentes, and Elise Rae… And only yesterday did I discover the identity of the blonde animus. Only I gave her much bigger Yabbos: a gymnast, Lu.

And I’m not dumb enough to say her name or describe M Anime. She’s the only reason I’m not looking up MILFs right now. Uh, she wants me to make her a MILF. Give my boys, Braxton and Virgil, some two-legged siblings. But Virgil is buzzing along somewhere, Lunalesca. And I wish Braxton had bugged me this much before passing.

“If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Braxton, more than anyone, knows how to reach me. Through movies, music, and manuscripts. I still haven’t finished “Remember Me: Understanding The Stages of Grief and Remembrance From The Loss Of A Pet.” Have I not had some downtime, Lunalesca?

The silence? Ironically, one of my favorite horrors is A Quiet Place. What about “The Silence…” (cough) Rip-off! Like I’m one to talk, and I’d rather not talk. I have less of a chance of saying something STUPID in real life. In real life? That silence kills me, my Lady.

When I get in the car, the radio won’t play. If M Anime ever arrives, that’s no good at all. Trying to prove I’m “A strong survivor, a real provider.. a Tru Rider.. that’s me.”

I can do that in the bedroom, but I haven’t felt right since Tuesday. And if I’m not taking care of my body, what about the house? The weather is getting warmer, and you recall the bugs in June. I swear, even now, I can hear their chomping, munching, Lunalesca.

Every silence while I’m awake has to be filled with something instantly. And I listened to my wasted breaths, the ticking of the clock, the sounds of battle from Whiteout Survival, that’s how it is, Lunalesca. It’s like switching out my garrisons. If you time it right, three seconds feels like nothing, and everything’s good. Miss the timing, and the silence is filled with FEAR, and it’s loud. But beautiful things… Buzzing of B’s, Virgil

1868 Days Without B III, Day 1309 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saturday, March 7, 2026

Journey 249 ~Staring B’s Bedtime, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Nope! I’d be in the Epstein Files. Leana Lovings, Lupe Fuentes, Elise Rae… my T**N Category.

Why yes, Lady Lu, I’m an aspiring Porn Star, a perv, the Perverter of Prose (I should remember that ha), but I’m also a poet, a dull prosiest, and always and forever a Pup Dad.

But which one of those things would get me out of bed the fastest? Hell, I’ve done all of those things from bed. And what I wouldn’t give to see Braxton walk from his bed right back to this loveseat and bark, “Did I effing stutter? Bedtime!” It’s ten in the morning, and all I want to do is be back in bed. Beneath the covers, as B watches over me. Or with his potential stepmom, M Anime. I haven’t heard from her in a bit. What Is Love? Haddaway

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Uh, it’s only ten, well, 10:20, but I’ll give it a think. I still stand by the idea that love is the belief, faith, duty, privilege, whatever, of putting something ahead of yourself, My Lu.

Luna, it’s putting all that you are to the side for whatever, deities, damsels, doggies…

“Fellas, when you wake up in the morning, you should look yourself in the mirror and say, ‘Eff you! Eff your hopes, Eff your dreams, Eff your plans … Eff everything you thought this life was going to bring to you. Now let’s go out there and try to make this b*tch happy.”
Chris Rock

Now I like how Chris Rock put it. But I was thinking about what I said yesterday about Charles Bukowski and “So You Wanna Be A Writer.” How dare I question my writing, dear Lunalesca? Nine years of talking to you and the girls, myself, and Braxton. And having him talk back. And what about Virgil? Hell, I talk to my dead firstborn more, Lu.

“Yes, I’m macabre, but you know you need this.” Nope!

I can’t even “Express Myself” with my own words. Because all I want to do is sleep, Lunalesca. Perchance to dream. “All I Have To Do Is Dream.” How Kruger of me, or is that The Everly Brothers? I’m not trying to be MAGA here but like them… Effing up?

Lunalesca, it’s what I do. “The Scorpion and the Frog.” And being in bed is like the only time I’m not letting anyone down—more like being asleep, which is where Virgil is involved. I can’t hurt him when I’m sleeping. But I’ve never harmed a hair on his head.

Ironically, Ready or Not, I’m going to do so much more with M Anime. If I get up, build a home. Staring B’s Bedtime, Virgil.

1861 Days Without B III, Day 1302 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saturday, February 28, 2026

Journey 242 ~Almost A B, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Almost. I’m only about $999,998,000 short. Speaking of short, I’m almost 6’ by way of 5’5”.

Yeah, that might matter to a girl like Leoshi “‘Cause she don’t know me, but yo, she’s really fine.” And what about “Moesha”? Speaking of pop culture, I can’t stand, my Olds watched it religiously—prime black television. But I despised Moesha and Frank Mitchell.

What a way to end another Black History Month, almost. Talking about Black people I don’t like. You would think I was turning MAGA, almost. But no. People hating people.

I wouldn’t say no to Michelle Obama. I enjoy watching Jasmine Crockett kick ass—Jahara Jayde (Homer drool). There was a time I was crazy for Misty Stone. Uh, Jenna Fox, when she was the college tutor. And here I thought I was going to speak somewhat righteously, Lunalesca. Almost.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I’m getting tired of Almost like Braxton’s book “My Turn To B III” got tired of the words “Of Course.” And as Moesha/Brandy sings “Almost Doesn’t Count.” I’m always almost.

STUPID, I’m sure, but take this morning as an example: Whiteout Survival, State vs State fight. I position my city, and I’m quickly told to get to the back of the line. Why is that?

“Am I hard enough?
Am I rough enough?
Am I rich enough?
I’m not too blind to see.”
Beast of Burden by The Rolling Stones

“Higher, further, faster, baby,”
Carol Danvers, from Captain Marvel (2019)

And sadly, I know I’m not, I can’t be any of these things. Is that the right word, Lu, sadly?

Up until five minutes ago. “And then THEY call. And I remember.” My Olds, Lunalesca.

Then skin and bones, sickly, and yes, my dear, STUPID, all come to mind. I’m almost a man. “Human” and “Ordinary Human.” Their bum son.

Now you see why I hate my phone… Almost. Braxton despised the tiny glowing tech. “The Glow Box” in Braxton speak. But then there’s his potential stepmom M Anime, his Favorite Girl, and Cherry’s big Yabbos but even bigger brain. And me a B student? Lunalesca, I’d better be talking about Braxton because I sucked at Higher Learning. Oh B.

One bad playthrough, phone call, and playing the perverter of prose, and my day’s effed.

But I saved M Anime’s, almost. Do I love her like pancakes? Nah, that’s Braxton. However, thinking about some idiot game, the worst president in “my lifetime,” my Olds, and pretty much 99% of the human population. I can’t be almost! Not to her. Virgil. Braxton… Almost A B, Virgil

1854 Days Without B III, Day 1295 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saturday, February 21, 2026

Journey 235 ~Braxton And Virgil Tops~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And you know I’m lying. A bad night’s sleep will do that—bad dreams, aka nightmares.

My own? Yeah, because if we were talking about Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, I’d be hard as an effing rock. M Anime’s dreams turn me on. She and General Xu, Boss, and Associate. And two of my biggest fantasies at the moment. Cuckoldry, Ravishment.

Dreams? The only thing I remember about my dream last night was beating the crap out of some blonde frat boy like I was Will Hunting in “Good Will Hunting.” I had to take it out on somebody. That’s not good to say, considering I am a father. Wanna-be Husband:

“All these girls only gonna want one thing
I could spend my whole life good will hunting
Only good gon’ come is as good when I’m cumming”
Run This Town

Not just yet. Remember December? And now, the mid- to late week of June. Summer Vacation? Where to go, Lady Lunalesca? To the stars. Heaven. Take me to bed, Will.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

If a girl ever says those five words to me, I’m putty in her hands. I swear to Braxton, Lu:

In my hands, nothing turns to putty
― Michelle Huddleson

“Somewhere Only We Know.” “In My Place.” SIGH “Just one year and then you’d be happy.” That’s what Gerry Rafferty is singing about. In bed with my Boricua or on “Baker Street?” Speaking of the street, did I forget that I have a major cash issue to deal with, Lu?

Hell, I didn’t remember to go to bed until midnight. I woke up hunched over on this same love seat. And you wonder why I felt the need to bash someone’s head in. “In Dreams.”

Or maybe I was trying to wake myself up. “I’m Black, Y’all” and still ain’t MAGA. Eff them and FDT!

Um, the American Dream? Ok, I wish I could go all Christopher Stone, Freedom Fighters:

“New Yorkers, fellow Americans… I am Chris Stone, the so-called “Freedom Phantom”. I stand before you today a free man, and I vow to die a free man. Like you, my world was shattered eight long months ago. I watched as my family and friends were tortured, captured, and killed. I have nothing left of my former life… except the hope for a better future… a better future for our children – the American dream! I, for one, still believe in that dream. We’ve read this in our schoolbooks as children; now is the time for us to embrace those ideals and stand up against the weight of Tyranny. We have a duty to ourselves to throw off our oppressors. When I look around this city, I do not see smoldering ruins… no, instead I see a sleeping army, ready to awaken. The world is watching us now… how we respond will prove our claim. I stand before you and the world today to reaffirm the pledge our forefathers made to each other, and for each of us, to protect our lives, our fortunes, and our self-worth. So I ask you now to take up arms against the evil invaders and yell in their faces that.
THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR
FREEDOM!”
― Freedom Fighters

But, Hell, Lunalesca, what did I do for Valentine’s Day, Black History Month, Braxton’s Birthday? I haven’t even watched the Olympics. And didn’t I say I would look up some Black Haremlit authors? Damn, am I not a Black Erotic Author? Perv with a blog.

Worse. I’m a forty-one-year-old bum sitting on a loveseat playing Whiteout Survival, which is the thought that had me zoned out last night and waking up the way I did.

Lunalesca, I love my boys. Braxton and Virgil are tops. My four-legged sons. But crap:

“And maybe I forgot
All things I miss
Oh, somehow I know
There’s more to life than this.”
Kid Rock

Lunalesca, I want that white-picket fence, wife, family, that New York Times bestseller, my “adult studio. Braxton And Virgil Tops

1847 Days Without B III, Day 1288 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saturday, February 14, 2026

Journey 228 ~80’s A B, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Not if I’m not a mediocre white man who dares to call himself the president. Hmm.

Not that I can talk, my dear Lady Lunalesca. I’m the one who’s looking up, do dogs’ tongues burn on ChatGPT? All I know is Braxton stuck his tongue into a cup of hot chocolate and winced. And then he had the nerve to look at me as if I had done something wrong. Well I kil.. had him euthanized several years later. I did. 100% I believe it, Luna.

13 days shy of his 16th birthday. What a lovely way to say I love you. Braxton and I had a good life. “Him and I.” He was my little sister’s dog. And then I go and spoil it all by saying “Something Stupid,” like I love you to him. And then he’s my dog.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

My son. And how did I honor him yesterday? As a matter of fact, how did I honor his little brother, Virgil? The “Tango Maureen?” The Tango Virgil. Hell! The Tango M Anime for “real…” with no regrets. Have I ever told you how hot M Anime is? I’ve got a thing for Puerto Rican girls now. Well, one particular Puerto Rican woman and one thing. But if tentacle porn ever becomes real… Anyway, what was I saying? I spent most of Braxton’s birthday… Doing things with M Anime, I should be doing today. How much did I spend last Valentine’s Day? Total? Why am I not doing that now? Is this an 80’s hit?

No, it was 1990, “The King of Wishful Thinking,” Lunalesca.

My breakup theme for her in August. Then January rolled around, and it seems (Every Time I Turn Around) Back in Love Again.” M Anime and I aren’t quite there yet. Um, she’s sure she’s in love. But I’m the guy who has been mourning his dead furry kid forever.

Is five years forever? Come talk to me on October 20th, 2026, and if Virgil is still “Safe And Sound.” Suppose everything hasn’t burned thanks to MAGA. I’m quite comfortable at 80 degrees. If I were truly in love with M Anime, I’d be playing 98 Degrees’ “I Will Still Love You.” Suppose I were a better man, Lunalesca. But I’m living on 80 bucks. Not enough for “Love and Happiness.” 80’s A B, Virgil.

1840 Days Without B III, Day 1281 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saturday, February 7, 2026

Journey 221 ~Penniless Braxton And Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… If only, SIGH. A penny for my thoughts? I’d say people aren’t that STUPID. But then…

MAGA, Nazis, and old pervy men. Hell! Men period. Like I told M Anime yesterday.

Last night, to be specific. My dearest Lunalesca, “Someday,” I may be doing that, doing her, in person. And I hope I’ll be able to say to you that “you were always there for me.”

Okay, enough of the “Sugar Ray” lyrics. One more thing I’ve been doing with my morning, Lady Lu. Music. I’m still paying for Spotify, Hulu, and the Internet in general!

A hundred dollars. I’m all out of patience, money, and I’m “All Out of Love.” Tell that to Braxton, Virgil, M Anime, and eff, the “Man In The Mirror.” So a penny for my thoughts.

“A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell ’em for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I’ve been singin’
Funny when you’re dead, how people start listenin’.”

“If I Die Young.” Forty-one jamming to The Band Perry.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Why? Well, I’m scared for one thing. And fear doesn’t pay. Adds, multiplies, and divides.

Am I talking about myself or MAGA? One more reason to hide inside. Well, as long as I have a place to hide, that is. How much did I spend last night? Every penny matters.

Ironically, pennies are gone thanks to MAGA. Is that irony? Or isn’t it “Ironic” as Alanis Morissette would sing? I have no clue, but it’s effing weird. I go for walks with both of my boys. Virgil on a leash and Braxton’s ashes around my neck. The woman of my dreams lives hundreds of miles away. While any woman close would rip off my balls.

I’m complaining I’m broke, but seeing Cherry’s yabbos. Um broker.

Indecent Proposal as it is. And what about my woman? What about Braxton’s Favorite Girl? Should I say Virgil’s, too? He only met her once. “I’ve seen Better Days,” Lunalesca.

That’s what my boys would say if they could talk to you. Another bit of irony. I think that I’ve talked to Braxton more when I put him in a box than when he was lying next to me, like his little brother is now. Or I watch the Olympics, which is based on promoting world peace in a country at war with its past, its people, and promotes hatred among everyone, everywhere. Effing MAGA. I’d rather see fictional fights (wrestling) than the stupid bowl.

But I’m spending what on food! Penniless Braxton And Virgil

1833 Days Without B III, Day 1274 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saturday, January 31, 2026

Journey 214 ~Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Enough to buy my son’s life from the Grim Reaper, God, and a good night’s sleep?

Not tonight. Five years ago on this very night… Well, it’s morning now, but let’s start with Saturday, January 30, 2021. I was rushing between my son Braxton on the bed and his water bowl on the floor right next to him. Will you look at that, first tears, Lunalesca.

There’ll be plenty of those today, tomorrow, whenever. Anyway, my B was so strong, Lu.

He couldn’t stand me worrying, so he tried jumping out of bed, and I ended up sleeping in his room so he could be by the bowl he insisted on walking to, every single time.

Lunalesca, it was one of his last acts of defiance against death. Of all the bedtime stories I told my son… He’s going to die…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Nope! As far as I was concerned, he was going to live forever. Forever and always. My son, Braxton Barks Bradford, was/is invincible, immortal, and insane for loving me, Lu.

The father who failed him. Is this really how I wish to honor my boy? Last year, I wrote his story. Hell! I’ve penned two full-blown novels. One’s out, ha. The other? Book or son?

Virgil? Why is his Dad up at midnight chugging back energy drinks and writing about his dead brother? Other than missing him, being mad at the world, and trying to avoid the flat surface, which is the mattress. Eff Lunalesca! You know why I’m abstaining.

Braxton would think I need the love tonight. Not mourning a dead puppy. And Virgil?

He’s alive and well. 5 years old on the 5th anniversary of Braxton’s passing and 5 months without M Anime, though we “connected” earlier this week. To Forgive. To Accept.

Virgil as my son, my second-born? I’m trying, I swear. Called him B this afternoon…

Welcoming M Anime back into my universe. If I could, then I would. I’ll go “Wherever You Will Go.” Things you can say about your dog/son but not your Ex-Girlfriend?

Lunalesca, for now. I may accept us someday. But Braxton being gone? Again, never ever!

I refuse to accept that. So I will do as always. Cry. A burger and fries in the afternoon, Lu. BBQ for dinner. Movies. May my son Braxton Barks Bradford RIP. Don’t Wake Braxton, Virgil

1826 Days Without B III, Day 1267 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will