The morning is looking better than last night. I’m so busy “talking” that I don’t have to think, and isn’t that normal… But I would rather be talking to B or falling asleep with him watching over me. Positive days. Better. “B Nights, See Virgil”
Wednesday, January 22, 2025
Meditation 205 ~B Nights, See Virgil~
Bless Me, Echo (my inner voice and guide)
For I have sinned… Can’t I do anything right? Even the simple act of sleeping eludes me. Last night was particularly rough. Virgil slept soundly, a stark contrast to my restless night.
If Virgil spends three hours… or more howling for me to come back. I swear… the neighbors must hate me if he’s making all that noise. I came back from a three-hour shift, and Virgil was losing his effing mind. Do I want to be thought of or completely ignored?
Anyway, so last night, first, my mind was going bonkers. How could I tell right?
Inspector, I had so many worries bouncing back and forth that I turned to meditation…
It didn’t help… However, I did drift off at some point during the night. But considering I was up at 4 AM, fell back to sleep at 5:40 AM, and slept for another hour… Inspector?
It’s another day slipping away, weighed down by the relentless demands of life. My LIFE? Eff!
On a brighter note, I found solace in the absence of nightmares about my son, Braxton. For that, I am truly grateful. Say what?
Inspector, that’s a positive? How dare I show gratitude for that. If anything, I didn’t have to call upon the greatest tragedy in “MY LIFE” to hold back everything else. Again, when existing becomes too much to endure… And trust me, I have looked at my special drawer with longing curiosity. I usually call upon Braxton’s loss. “I’m still breathing. I’m Alive!” If I survived the loss of my child, yes, “MY CHILD!” That nothing on this Earth can hurt me. Not even a Trump Presidency… God! I’m avoiding the news like a GD plague.
Eff Donald Trump, FDT! Fortunately, he wasn’t in my nightmares. It was my worries and… GULP! Women! But before we get into that. What had me all pretzel-shaped last night:
- Returning my ISP’s stuff
- Paying the Termite Inspector
- Paying off Waste Management
- Low Tire Pressure Warning
- My Day Job Performance
- Keeping The Heat On
- Arranging an Eye Appointment
- Paying off the “HOA”
- Whatever Donald Trump Does
- Braxton Barks Bradford Memorial
I’m sure there’s more Inspector Echo, but now you see why I don’t have time for those Six Impossible Things I write down every week. Between this Inspector and women…
Whatever! Another excuse for drooling over “Ryan and His Beauties 2.” I’m falling behind “Satan’s Sorority Girls” 8 and 9. Yet, somehow, I sleep; Virgil too. B Nights, See Virgil
1452 Days Without B III, Day 893 of Virgil’s Arrival
B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will