Chronicle 359 ~I’ll B Lying Here~

I only want to lie here and forget about the world. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pissed off for fairer sex right now. And of course, there is my boy in a box. I’m not throwing him into some waterway. But for a bit longer, I’ll B Lying Here hmm

Saturday, June 25, 2022

Chronicle 359 ~I’ll B Lying Here~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now because of lying here talking? I have lawyers detecting lies. And scientists are talking about lye.

Well, not really. That would be me lying, Lady Lunalesca. Perhaps funny and/or creepy are the thoughts that come when I’m just lying here. There’s Fight Club, the idea of lye. Lunalesca, the notion of lying. It’s 7:00AM, and how many lies have I already told today. I only wanted to talk about one, and that’s me finishing The 1619 Project. Whatever will I say to the “Man In The Mirror.” Lady Lu, I’ve finished everything in the book but the “Notes” pages. Um, you know how I am with books. Audio doesn’t count. And words? I have to read every single word Lunalesca. I’m going to lie tomorrow because of today? Hell! Where do I even begin? Start with the truth. I miss my little boy. I miss Braxton.

Talk about creepy Lady Lunalesca; I wish I could have been there. When Braxton was taken to the fire. I paid for a private cremation. But in the end, what do I know. The truth? If anything, he would have instead stayed here lying next to me. “Daddy, let’s go home, please.” If I had my way right this second, I would never leave this bed. As the song goes, “If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” Can’t? Braxton is dead, and if I can’t have him back. Well, when it comes to you and me, Lady Lu. “I’ve never met a girl like you before.” You scoff, knowing I’ll look at porn…

That’s not an insult Lady Lunalesca. But what a way to die. Especially with what is going on in the world today or rather yesterday. Besides my usual Humiliations Galore, hardly any money. And the obligatory Happy Birthday to my father… Roe v. Wade Overturned! Needless to say, women are in a rage. I’ve always been Pro-Choice myself, Lady Lunalesca. As much as I speak about women, I do respect their rights as human beings. Well… there was that minor second yesterday when I was in the store. Humiliations Galore Luna and no reason to take away anyone’s rights. The lye that will come from this fight to get clean. The only burn I want is a tattoo of my Braxton. I’ll B Lying Here.

510 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 358 ~BEING Sick Of Love~

Notice I didn’t mention my father. Talk about love being a memory if it were ever there. But what about the things I know I love, my puppy, money in my pocket, amongst other things> Love never dies, THEY say. No wonder “BEING Sick Of Love.”

Friday, June 24, 2022

Chronicle 358 ~BEING Sick Of Love~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so “For The Love Of Money,” I’m “Happy?” Now you know that ain’t true, Lady Sophia.

Hell! Twitter is renowned for making people unhappy. So a few days ago, I was made unhappier… I suppose. Now forgive me because you ain’t Inspector Echo, and I don’t want to sound like that “asshole” that came at the girl. A popular Youtuber’s proposal… This girl I’m a fan of because of The Walking Dead is getting married. So what? What do my feelings in this equation even matter? What about all the other influencers, models, and sex symbols. If anything, Lady Sophia, my story is one of being a horny fanboy and nothing more. Then there’s the promise I always made to B III. “I’ll find you a mother.” If anything, Braxton was my soulmate. So what did I need a woman for?

Oh, that’s right, I love my son, my little B, but then I became indifferent, or so I want to say. But again, I love money. I want to make as many bucks as I can. And like The 1619 Project was talking about… Wealth. The last bit of knowledge that I gleaned yesterday, Sophia. Then again, I’m sitting here in bed because, as Eric Thomas says, I love sleep more than success. That’s for damn sure! Everything in me wants to go back to sleep right now. That’s especially after, as I said, I finished reading The 1619 Project. I love books. But to read all those biography notes and such in it. I know I don’t have to, but… Time for getting blowjobs?

Not really. I’m pretty versatile regarding my porn viewing habits and whacking. Sigh, I was whacking. That’s what I was doing. Well, after I struggled to put together the new weed whacker. Now I’ve defined love for you before, so answer me this. Why do I love the things that I hate so much? The Day Job, cutting the yard; for a dog, I don’t have anymore. Sophia, let’s not forget disease. I’m still sick but don’t want to see a doctor. The fucking dollar bills. “Another” furry kid or finding some girl. Lady Sophia, there is love all around me “to a certain degree.” And I want none of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. I’m done with love. I want to be but BEING Sick Of Love.

509 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 354 ~Before, Forgiveness, Permission, Ask Why~

There are two, a dog and a girl. I never needed to beg forgiveness or ask permission. My son B and his Aunt. Yes, I did for many things, but I mean to keep breathing. To be who I was/am. Everyone else? “Before, Forgiveness, Permission, Ask Why.”

Monday, June 20, 2022

Chronicle 354 ~Before, Forgiveness, Permission, Ask Why~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so forgiveness and permission no longer matter. At least from what I’ve seen. America! But the Why…

What is your reason, the why? You’ll have to forgive me, Madam. It’s been a long time since I’ve listened to my motivations. No wonder Sloth is quickly ha-ha becoming my favorite sin. Then again, I’m talking to you on Tuesday, June 14, 2022, Time-Traveling. Madam, I wouldn’t have the strength to speak to you today. Hell! This fucking week. Pardon my language. Now you’re not Inspector Echo. None of the people are around me. And yet I’m always sorry. Do you know what that’s like to be sorry for the mere act of existence? Dangerous words but true. But the thing I’m sorriest for is not over any person. I’m not sorry for being Braxton’s daddy, but how it ended. Being a father: why?

How many times have I said it? I told B III to get in the car, and that was that. From the new house to this place, he followed. Only day one, he was my sister’s puppy. I begged and pleaded for a dog when I was young, and nothing. My sister never uttered anything. Inevitable that a fur baby would end up in her arms. I didn’t ask; I didn’t steal. I only loved him, and I love him still. One more blessing from him never talking, my little boy. Again it goes back to existing. Do you remember that movie “Love Story?” Famous Lines. Love means never having to say you’re sorry. What about asking permission to be? Forgiveness, permission, I ask both.

But why? There are reasons I hate taking one step out of this place. There was a teacher that said I was the politest person ever. Only who the Hell was I, Madam. Then, today? I don’t know, but that goes for plenty of things. Why am I alive and Braxton isn’t? I still can’t believe he’d ask my forgiveness for not staying and permission to go away. As I know, my Little B. He was sorry that I was worried, that he wasn’t strong enough, that I cried. He wanted my permission to come back home with me. To fight, to try to B. And I know why? It’s love. Without his, I ask forgiveness and permission. It’s exhausting. Before, Forgiveness, Permission, Ask Why

505 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 352 ~ It’s The B’s Knees~

B is the only thing, the only one, that I love that was pure and on the level. The books I read. To the art I like, games, music, etc. There’s always something wrong. B’s aunt? Um, besides her handing him food. Life with him? It’s The B’s Knees.

Saturday, June 18, 2022

Chronicle 352 ~ It’s The B’s Knees~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that should be enough to wake me up. While at the same time allowing sleep.

The day has only now begun, and it’s a test. But I am still up. There’s not much Lady Lu. I said something the other day about listening to motivations and finding a reason Lu. Well, something other than Yabbos. There is the promise of a new novel. But we talked about this last week. Lady Lunalesca. Have I made one move in that direction since? Being up before 5:00 AM for me and nothing else is a miracle. I don’t know how many times I’ll say it… Trump told about ten lies per day as president. But I’ll tell the same truth about as much and going on 503 days now. I miss my son; I miss Braxton today. This morning, the bee’s knees.

Okay, so maybe not. But mornings were undoubtedly better than how I’m existing right now, Lu. I’m fighting for every single second. And how am I doing that, you may ask? Well, there’s you, to be honest; Melina from Elden Ring. And, of course, such and such’s Yabbos. Now I’m drooling. At least that beats tears or doing that other thing… Man in the Mirror, sad. Everything I do these days that I would consider the bee’s knees? Everything’s no good. I almost forgot what was coming today. Well, other than me. I know Lady Lunalesca. Being perverted and gross? One more thing that is keeping me from falling back to sleep. If we finish this conversation before 7:00…, one more miracle. The bee’s knees.

I have equipment coming so I can cut the yard for a fur baby I no longer have. His ashes? Hell! You know my routine. If Triple B has been reincarnated? Today I’ll find… Virgil? Lady Lunalesca, I keep telling myself he’ll be a boy again. And if I found a girl? Well, then it’s true. Braxton will be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge or wherever. Me? Heaven? Considering what other thoughts make me feel good. But again, Lu, He Lives In You. Which is why I haven’t died yet. Lunalesca, I’m not staying because of the vittles. Inevitably, I’ll get some more books, boobs, and bed sheets. But those things ain’t helping. But they feel so good, Lunalesca. It’s The B’s Knees.

503 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 351 ~B On The Clock~

Sleep, nature’s call, back to bed, yabbos, a few more minutes gaming, music, YouTube, nap, and then hearing a noise. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I wasted four hours from 4:00 to 8:00. B wouldn’t have ever allowed it. “B On The Clock.”

Friday, June 17, 2022

Chronicle 351 ~B On The Clock~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so am I still waking up at 4:00 AM? How about 3:00? Well, B ain’t here.

Is that why “Every Day Is Exactly The Same,” Sophia. The fact that I feel like an “Every Day Normal Guy 2?” It’s strange wanting to stick to a routine and, at the same time. You know, a phrase like (another day) pisses me off. I’ll never forget such indifference. It’s how B died, after all. The fact that B was always there. And I took that for granted. But I could look to him at the foot of the bed, and it would be a new beginning Sophia. Braxton would begin running all over my face to go walking by seeing the light outside. And when he left, time seemed to stop, but here I am and what now 502 days. And the time…

I wish I could remember a time I wasn’t hurting. Hell! All our conversations are based on a time I was hurt. What four years ago? And what have I learned since then, Sophia? Nada. But we’ll get into that in a bit. Me and my fucking fetish for brunettes. All Yabbos in truth. But if you had seen me earlier. Here’s a hint “American Beauty.” Then again, um, UK. The only way time doesn’t seem so HARD is when I’m sleeping, and you know what I want to say. I wish I could sleep… and I won’t finish that idea. Dangerous Words; written down. Speaking of which, shouldn’t I be working on my novel? Well, B III’s novel, really. Maybe he understands my reluctance.

I hate myself, Lady Sophia. When I miss filling his water bowl. Or calling him down for his medicine sometimes. And here I thought I was lifting him up. “It’s Not Putting Me Down It’s Lifting Me Up,” as the book goes. I didn’t trust Braxton was looking down on me this morning. Sophia, that’s why I was in the drawer this morning reaching for, as the kids say, the gat, heat, strap, whatever. Vey wrong choice of words but, as always, Republican tendencies. Guns! Morning officially started after checking the doors. I heard a noise. Triple B waking me? And I wonder where he is now if he’s already reincarnated and is waiting, Sophia. Inevitably with my luck, it will take god knows how long. B On The Clock

502 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 347 ~There Is Freedom In Kneeling~

I rather die on my feet than live on my knees. Now bring my little boy back. Let me be all Forrest Gump, not having to worry about money no more. And that’s good, one less thing to think about. Why do so many turn to God? There Is Freedom In Kneeling

Monday, June 13, 2022

Chronicle 347 ~There Is Freedom In Kneeling~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I could buy Negan’s bat “Lucille.” Hell, with that amount of money, everyone kneels.

Braxton was never one to bend the knee or stifle joint. Did I look up; do dogs have knees, Madam? There’s no one to ask here. The last time I was on bended knees and asking for some shit, B III was dying. Then again, my Old Man was one for Kirk Franklin or Donnie? “Yes after you done all you can, you just stand.” If it’s not Republican ideology, it’s Christian mythology. It is liberating to not need brains, blame, or balls. Meanness today? More like tomorrow, since I am time traveling at present. But let’s go further into the past with “Rule #15 I Take My Own Lumps.” Not all the time, Madam, which is why I kneel to my father. But God?

God spelled backward is Dog. I was talking to the Man in the Mirror today, Sunday. And I was saying how much I need to get out of this bed. Not for the Day Job, to dick around on Onlyfans, or dump a pile of clothes. If anything, I want to kneel before Braxton again. “When you’ll find your servant is your master.” If my Braxton lived, that is acceptable. Being down on the floor with him, I could see things from his perspective. I’m never happy, but I could see it on his face every day I came back. I could see his hope that his Daddy would save him. I saw his hunger to live and love, lift me, Daddy, take me home.

I squat down, looking at the fur babies at PetSmart. But kneel here and now and watch my fears, not given to God or anyone who would dare ask me to bend the knee. Never! I’ve had a woman kneel to me here or there. I know the power of that. And isn’t that a rule before 15? Rule #13 Power Is All That Matters. Yet sticking to my musical selections. “We’ve got love power. It’s the greatest power of them all.” I doubt I’ll ever find myself on bended knee before some girl; to feel it… Well, permanently anyway. Far as freedom? Black, a boy in a “man’s” body, no brain, and always thinking with my balls, right, Madam? There Is Freedom In Kneeling?

498 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 345 ~What Will It B~

The ideas keep flowing. 1600 words per chapter, 30 chapters 48000 words. 15 poems, so around 1500 words. Add Braxton’s eulogy at 500 words, and you get 50,000 and “The Will To B III. But how will I waste time? Sleep? I want tacos. What Will It B

Saturday, June 11, 2022

Chronicle 345 ~What Will It B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means people wait on me. We’re all waiting on something. But in truth, I’m lazy.

Hell! I could use my “condition?” Only I still use “B.” I think about my boy, and any pain I feel is nothing by comparison. If I want to be punished… sleep, bed, blankets, warmth. Why not write? I both love it and hate it? All yesterday I was thinking about my next book? Yeah, I couldn’t keep a straight face… we’ll get to that. I’m sure B III would be giving me one of his looks. Anyway, so I’m thinking about fifteen “Braxton Stories.” Some of my favorites to the worst. You know me, Lady Lunalesca, me and lists.

  1. Meeting
  2. Who made who
  3. The choice
  4. Don’t die, mommy/daddy (Kill Bill Beatrix and BB)
  5. Just the two of us
  6. Make way for the king
  7. Guard Duty
  8. “Best Friend” Harry Nilsson
  9. The Plague Era
  10. This is us/life itself
  11. The Descent
  12. Voices
  13. About Last Week
  14. Goodbye
  15. Rainbow

You’ll have to excuse me, Lady Lunalesca. I’m firing off all sorts of ideas. Oh, I can’t wait. Like the song goes (Get Get Naked)? I’ll stick to my writing ideas now; thank you so much. Now in case, I haven’t talked about it before. My next novel will be told from my perspective and Triple B’s. “Triple B to B III.” How’s that for a title… thanks “From Straight A’s to XXX.” If I can stop thinking about hot brunettes, “Haley?” What about this Lunalesca? “The Will To B III” I like this one.

It would make the perfect follow-up to “My Turn To B III.” I swear, Lady Luna, I will be one of these pet authors soon. Well, that is if I can get out of bed. But how and why? (Laughs) did I make another eight bucks with my Stuff and Thangs on OnlyFans? No way, no how. I’m not looking forward to facing the Man in the Mirror. But here’s a spoiler alert; I’ll have finished another book. Filling my mind is always better than well “this or that.” No wonder I’m so tired. And yet I’m going to get up and choose a puppy? How about food, a Strawberry Frosty, Street Tacos, Blizzard. Rather ask, What Would Braxton Do than What Will It B.

496 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 344 ~Failure Has To B…~

Times when B III failed me *silence* I yield back. Thank you, Ted Lieu. And oh yeah, The January 6th Hearings started last night. Another Republican tendency… I’m a failure, but I didn’t try overturning democracy. No, my fur-baby died. Failure Has To B

Friday, June 10, 2022

Chronicle 344 ~Failure Has To B…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now and notice the B in that. There is no B in failure. No, not my boy.

“Sometimes I tell the boy old stories of courage and justice, difficult as they are to remember.” The Road (2009)

I remember this episode of Daria 4×05 “The F Word.” Of all the words beginning with F that B III heard me say, “Fine,” “Famous,” “Fuck” I didn’t read to him of failure, My Lady. The keyword there being READ, because God, how I told him about my failures being “Human.” And while I’m busy thinking about music. Why did I tell Braxton such things?

“I hope he’s not like me, I hope he understands
That he can take this life and hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world with arms wide open” With Arms Wide Open – Creed (Human Clay Album)

That’s why? I have told you so many stories of how he got his name. And Hell, one more reason he might return as a she so I can keep up the B theme. BEATRICE! Though with the things I do in this life. In all likelihood, I’m going to Hell, and I’ll need my Cerberus, Virgil, Todd, thank you.

Oh, but I haven’t read Succubus Lord in quite a while. Not since 2021, to be honest. I listened to it this year, but I haven’t begun listening to Succubus 4 (Gnome Place Like Home). No. I would instead read about people mourning their BFFF. (Best Furry Friends Forever) daily. One more thing I remember about these stories is that some feel they failed their “children.” But somehow, get past it. Hell! I spent $4.00 on Through My Dog’s Eyes: A Memoir to Help Heal Grief. And that’s only 59 pages. How many words do I have for Triple B now! That’s including all the letters I’ve written to him, Lady Sophia, right? There are much more “important” things. Um, like, The 1619 Project, sigh.

But no, I choose to look at Asa Akira’s ass. Only that’s not what made make me cum last night. Yet again, it was thinking about an English vixen’s cherry red lips and some choice brunettes, to be honest. As you’re learning, your country is going to Hell on primetime? Is that why I had a hard time reading Thursday. Seeing the insurrection, democracy’s risk? Between that and watching Asa Akira fuck, imagining a virgin, and dirty words? Well, I was inspired. You know it’s my dream to own a brothel. Braxton and me, like Domino and Dennis Hof. Reading and writing about it in bed isn’t helping. Stay Woke

“It’s just that… some of us… some of us have to forgo that luxury… so that the rest can have it. Some very few of us… have to force ourselves not to feel. Like me. Like you.” -Equilibrium (2002)

Why do I choose to fail? Do I accept this? Never! Failure Has To B…

495 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 340 ~Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead~

When B III died, if there had been a button to press to go with him… He was/is my reason to live. If I thought he’d forgive me… I never had him neutered, but I think we can do with more puppies and fewer bullets. Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead.

Monday, June 6, 2022

Chronicle 340 ~Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I don’t like charity. Girls named Charity, Chasity, Chalastia, yes. But the action of giving Madam?

What I mean is, if I was a billionaire, they would say about me, “He could even keep the ones he cared about from dying.” You can thank Revenge of the Sith for that. But the thing is, people that have such power say, “Fuck The World.” And it is up to the rest of us… Well, when’s the last time I gave to charity? Everyone else has to help save the world. I would fight as hard as any Republican to keep my money if I had that paper. Then I ask about puppies. Braxton needed things, no question. He needs tests. Shut up and take my money! Anything he needed, even if it meant my life. What life after January 31, January 11?

People do for animals what they would never do for humans. I get emails, sign this petition, listen to this politician, and help the poor. I’m not a good man Madam. And I say often enough, most people make me more of a monster than a man. Inevitable Madam. Because when I’m not giving to help the animals like I once did when B III was still with me. I’m usually aiding another group of puppies. Um, I can say helping myself to them. The things men will do for a pair of Yabbos, Madam. Sure, I’m one for books, bucks, my son B. But give me a breast, or both, and it’s like I’ve died and gone to Heaven. Didn’t I say stop dead?

It’s part of why I do what I do, Madam. Remind me never to dive into painkillers before bedtime again. Sleep is the closest thing to death. Dangerous words. People can fuck and fight but do both at the same time… I wasn’t doing either but with Braxton lying here. Madam, I could be dead to the whole damn world, but I knew Braxton would keep me safe from everything. He’d cuddle with me and then stand at the foot of the bed. My boy. Walking into the house was like being reborn. I was a different person. Braxton’s love. Hate will keep you alive, but love is worth dying for. I’d give everyone a puppy instead of a gun. Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead.

491 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 338 ~When Will I B~

When will I be? The GQP talks a lot of S*** about when life begins. Most days I spend lamenting when my son’s life ended. Bad choice of words. Furry with four legs… no less my son. One worth living for because for myself, I still ask. When will I be

Saturday, June 4, 2022

Chronicle 338 ~When Will I B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So that means I should get used to being interviewed. But I find myself censored more.

When will I lose this Republican ideology? That’s not the question I meant to start with today, but I’m tired for many different reasons. Even getting up at 4:00 AM. Ok, and then? When will I start writing… well, anything for real? As I said, I struggle to get up. And that’s with January 31, 2021, and January 11, 2022. And now, Camp NaNoWriMo will begin next month. As I said yesterday, besides the urge to pee, there’s the need to write. When will I do anything at all? Yesterday it felt like there was so much to do. And yet I feel like nothing was accomplished. Not a damn thing, Lady Lunalesca, but missing my boy. Mourning Braxton is my PROFESSION. I’m no Spartan.

Willy, what is your profession? Lunalesca, there are so many places I can go with that. Am I talking about, Stuff and Thangs, OnlyFans, just being, um, skeevy. Fucking word! Luna? Is it the fact that I don’t know who I am anymore? Not even how to spell my name? My name? As if it were ever my own, to be honest. Hell! I’ve always hated it, so you know. What am I doing with this existence? If the last few minutes are any indication… Well, I was going to say wasting my time. My time? Nothing belongs to me. Or that’s what I feel. Every day there’s one more reason to miss my son. Now he was mine because he chose me above all.

Why? Now that is the question of the hour. Um, several hours considering what I’ve been doing since, yes, 4:00 in the morning. Now it’s 6:30 AM, and what do I have to show Lu? Why do I exist in this routine? It’s not even a Saturday routine. It’s the wake-up, write, and/or post. Either go to the Day Job, the store, there’s PetSmart, and it all leads back to this bed to do nothing in the slightest. Nothing is stopping me from staying in bed. Closing my eyes B. Why aren’t you trying to find me? I’ll never get his eyes out of my mind. Can you blame me for going to PetSmart? It’s where I’ll be. But to LIVE? When Will I B

489 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will