Tag: Failure

Saga 211 ~Avoiding BS… B, V~

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Calling it life is BS. No! I exist. If I had my way, I’d want to do that as far away from people as possible. Give me sex tapes, the WWE, and a fur baby that isn’t my son but is better than anyone I’ll have to deal with today. Avoiding BS… B, V.

Saturday, January 28, 2023

Saga 211 ~Avoiding BS… B, V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m full of fear. I swear people with money are the biggest snowflakes, Lunalesca.

Then again, I don’t have a dime, and I’m scared out of my mind this morning. Virgil is too, Lu. But before I talk about him, there’s B III? Oh, how about my granddaddy, Lunalesca? Today as with every other, my son comes first. Braxton should have always and forever. Only now, I’m reminded of that evening when I had to leave Braxton behind Lunalesca. My “father” thinks I was bullshitting. But right now, there aren’t cops to come busting down the door. I wasn’t eating when grandma died, and I’m not eating dinner, Lunalesca. All I want to do now is be with my boy. That’s how much I hate being with people now. I would rather die instead of dealing. People are bullshit.

Then again, I am very much the same. I’m only human. When I’m working with everything Virgil has going on. If I’m going out today, I should check all his paperwork. Did I say that? This weekend, the last time I need to do is sign anything Lunalesca. Crying now. But it isn’t about Braxton; Virgil is alive and well. And there’s granddaddy… please, Lu. That was harsh. Hell! You want to see harsh. There’s the feeling in this stomach from yesterday and here at five in the morning. Lunalesca, I was up on time. There’s fear of everything I have to do today. I didn’t have the balls to call the Day Job yesterday. There are clothes, a haircut, and the viewing. Everything else

Death isn’t bullshit. As much as I wish it were. Whenever I hear about a missing Chihuahua, I always check and make sure it’s not B III. Talk about denial Lu. He’s sitting here. 727 days in a box? No! That would be bullshit now, wouldn’t it? But I’d trade him right now, Lu. I could refuse to go to my granddaddy’s funeral as I did to grandma’s. I wish. Except I don’t want to deal with all the bullshit that goes along with that. What would my Olds do? It’s why I slugged an energy drink, and I’m pressing on now. I hate this. Braxton was so much stronger than me. Fifteen years of my bullshit. Living, existing, such bullshit. Avoiding BS… B, V.

727 Days Without B III, Day 168 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 210 ~Mediums B, V, Granddaddy~

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I can’t say that writing is a “release.” Too much porn for that. It makes things bearable. There was no one to talk to about Braxton’s death. And Virgil’s life is sitting in the dark… My granddaddy’s passing? I don’t know. Mediums B, V, Granddaddy

Friday, January 27, 2023

Saga 210 ~Mediums B, V, Granddaddy~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But is being a trillionaire too extreme? That’s what these days feel like. To the extreme

This coming from the “Lazy Ass” sitting in bed at six in the morning. At this time in 2021, I should have been paying attention to B. Gospel 210 ~Will To Break Free~ Well, I wasn’t. And even today, with so much to do, Lady Sophia. I wonder how Braxton felt while I was worried about “Shawshank.” Shows what kind of Daddy I’d become. The one that let him die. No, correction! The one who killed him. Euthanasia. Killing? Yesterday I brought up to B III the differences between Treachery and Betrayal. Braxton’s still dead. Um, that’s something I should bring up to one of these “animal communicators,” oh yeah. Before I go, get Braxton’s story tattooed on my flesh. But I know the story.

And V’s is in the process of being written. It’s not a very good one so far. I’ll admit it. Hell! Last night I left him in the Den, thinking he would go to the pillow in B III’s room. He might even decide to come to bed. This was at nine last night. So, where was Virgil this morning? I can’t even say he was the first thought I had. Being Virgil’s Dad, (scoffs). Besides missing Braxton… There was a blonde in a bikini. Sabrina Nichole’s “first sex tape” getting ready to come out. Don’t forget; there was Aphrodite from “Record of Ragnarok.” Anyway, when I got in a better headspace… Did I say that? Well, I got up. There’s Virgil on the couch.

He’s dealing with his stuff. But if he was B III… Honest, these pornographic passions? Braxton would have listened to me all last night as I talked about granddaddy. What can I say? That’s the thing bothering me. Talking about Braxton, always and forever. And I still want to learn even more about him. The spirits, seers, say something. I’m listening. I can tell you stories about Virgil. Only they won’t be good ones, Lady Sophia. Though I do imagine he might be able to sift through this existence. Somehow, someway… Granddaddy? The last time I heard from him, he said he didn’t know me. Um, that’s a ditto from me. So I sit with his death knowing nothing, Answers, release? Mediums B, V, Granddaddy

726 Days Without B III, Day 167 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 204 ~Spelling Virgil Without B~

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I don’t say I live… I exist. Nothing’s mine, and what was or is my son, the Indifference that killed him, owning it. What about V? I spend days pushing him to go up the stairs, to the door, etc. Being a “Dad,” dog training. Spelling Virgil Without B.

Saturday, January 21, 2023

Saga 204 ~Spelling Virgil Without B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I didn’t have to be the most intelligent man on the planet to accomplish this.

Being full of hate, joining a cult, and having no morals would get the job done. Which, of course, doesn’t explain why I’m sitting here at nine in the morning in bed. Or 99.9% of the GOP/GQP who would instead stay poor and racist above all else, Lady Lunalesca. Though if I could have my B III back, I wouldn’t need a billion. Did I say that out loud? Again if you’re wondering why I’m speaking to you so late, Lady Lunalesca… I couldn’t give up porn. Oh, I’m still dry, but it’s getting crazy. I heard anger is more useful than despair. So I suppose horny at least gets you up, or something up. Can I say I’m still in the Depression stage, Lunalesca?

Because it will never be Acceptance. Speaking of 99.9%, I’m sure that Virgil ain’t Braxton. It could be because it’s January. But yes, I have been tougher on Virgil these days. There’s some version of dog training afoot. Virgil has no courage. How about practicing what I preach, Lady Luna? Putting one foot in front of the other? Nope! He does what he has to. After that, he returns to his bed/pillow and stays there scared indefinitely. Giving him attention? Is that the lesson I should be learning? Fighting Indifference? I keep saying it, Lunalesca. It was Indifference that killed Braxton. I don’t own much, but my Braxton and Indifference led to my becoming a murderer. And now, nothing in the world makes any sense.

Or it’s only me. And you wonder why I don’t want to get up off my ass, to go shopping. Hell! I was up on time and immediately said twenty more minutes. Bullshit spam text. Yeah, that’s another twenty minutes. I realized nothing was plugged in. I’ll wait till five. I didn’t want to start complaining to you. So I clear most of my emails until six. Two more hours looking at porn until, thankfully, eight. Braxton’s official medicine time, and Virgil goes outside. He’s been in his room since six. Virgil’s outside, cappuccino, breakfast? From eight-thirty to nine, more porn. That’s been today like the song goes, Mad World. Or sad, lazy, fucked up. Existing over life. Hate vs. Indifference. Spelling Virgil Without B

720 Days Without B III, Day 161 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 203 ~Virgil Has Words B~

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If you asked me Braxton’s last words, it would be right out of that episode “A Hole in the World” Why can’t I stay? I didn’t listen to him when he got sick when he was lying in the office, and I thought I was picking Virgil. “Virgil Has Words B”

Friday, January 20, 2023

Saga 203 ~Virgil Has Words B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and my sole objective is never to have to speak again. Grunt, moan, scream, but speaking?

Virgil agrees with not speaking. Unless I’m walking out the door, then he’s all sorts of loud. Hell! V has taken a tumble down the backstairs and didn’t utter a small whimper or bark. Does it still count as Humiliations Galore when only I see it? Virgil is ok, Sophia. But (ahem) DEATH! Not 2V’s ever… I’ve been down this road with Braxton, haven’t I? Only my own. I keep saying it, Lady Sophia. When I fall asleep, I never want to wake up again. Being honest. It’s why, yet again, I’m late talking to you. The food poisoning (fuck you, Jack’s) had me a bit fucked up, eww. And when I did wake up, it was nearly midnight, yep. Braxton would look after me.

Well, if Braxton were still here. Braxton was supposed to live forever… ok twenty years. This year he would be turning eighteen. The starting point a person’s expected to adult. Fuck I’m thirty-eight. And between the exterminator, taxes, and the filter, that needs to be replaced. I’m still learning. Braxton died way too soon. And the book I read before, “Grieving the Loss of a Fur Baby.” For the record, this book ain’t helping. But did any of them? Oh, and the whole DEATH thing. I’ve never read Lord of the Rings but saw the movies. The things we learn, huh, Lady Sophia? But there is a word I’ve been looking up quite often lately. ENSHRINEMENT. A lot of the books say it’s bad, but…

Yeah. When do I listen to people when it’s not a direct order for this existence? “A Man Chooses A Slave Obeys.” That’s from Bioshock, and you’ve heard me quote it plenty, Lady Sophia. I’ve also said that Virgil is not Triple B. If anything, he’s more like me. Hmm? Scared to speak, to take a step, and sleep is his best friend as it sure ain’t me right now. Lady Sophia, I speak fluent Braxton but as for Virgil… Even better, living with silence. There’s VIRGIL, GO, and NO! I’m not sure he recognizes his name. Archie, no thanks. Only GO up the stairs, NO running back in fear, and VIRGIL, VIRGIL, VIRGIL. He’d tell me to go to Hell! Virgil Has Words B

719 Days Without B III, Day 160 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 197 ~Virgil’s, Birds and B’s~

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I haven’t had time to talk to 2V about stuff. Well, cheering when 2V runs up the stairs. But there is one talk we won’t need to have. One because he’s not Braxton, aka my son. Meanie! And two talk about not having the balls… “Virgil’s, Birds and B’s”

Saturday, January 14, 2023

Saga 197 ~Virgil’s, Birds and B’s~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And even if I wasn’t, if Virgil Vivi needed something, um… health-wise. I like to think…

Well, actually, I don’t… like to think. One more reason I would become a Republican. Unfortunately, Lady Lunalesca, I have a brain. I know because my Mind Playing Tricks On Me. I know B III is still gone, and yet… I know. I continue to believe He Lives In You. Yes, it’s always the music. If anything, be grateful. I’m up around noon. That’s how bad this week was. Or was it I’m weak, period? Tell that to my Day Job and all the nightmares. This is one more reason I’m speaking to you so late. Yet again, I could be a lazy ass (sigh). But this brain never lets me forget. It was Times Like These that killed my son. I killed my son.

And now I see a pillow where his bed once was. But V said he wanted up in bed instead. Hell! At least he knows what it’s good for. Oh, do I need to spend more time jerking off? I have kept my word thus far, Lunalesca. No “releasing” during B III’s month, right? Lunalesca, there’s also the new toy I want to buy, but of course, the car, the community, and the coming days. Which should be spent on my son. I do mean Braxton and not Virgil, Lu. I’m being a meanie. Braxton has balls, and Virgil doesn’t. I keep comparing the two. Lunalesca, you know what I mean. I had to give Braxton the talk about the birds and the bees. Virgil…

You ask me why I’m so tired. I’m trying to train Virgil. Not like B III and I did that. Inevitably it was all about “B, can you not paw away at Carolina Bound’s cleavage?” There was, “Hey B, can you stop humping your toy in front of her, please?” Well, she’s seen worse. Remember that video I showed Carolina? Talk about trust in humanity. These days the last thing we need is more people. But I wish I could have a puppy from Braxton’s bloodline. I read about a family that got a fur baby from the same line as their lost one. And reading Cherry’s book and a review. What You Won’t Do for Love… No! But ta-tas. Hopeless. Virgil’s, Birds and B’s

713 Days Without B III, Day 154 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 196 ~Tales To B, Virgil~

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Everything from getting out of bed to getting in is me following someone. Well, since I got 2V 153 days ago. Everyone has a tail, tale, or tell. And my story, um… I would rather not say. Yet I’m here and want to publish someday. “Tales To B, Virgil”

Friday, January 13, 2023

Saga 196 ~Tales To B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I really want it to be from books and boobs, all from a warm bed.

Bedroom Soapbox, I call it. But that’s not teaching V to walk anytime soon. I swear, before I can start sharing secrets with him, I’ll have to teach him how to run away from me. Today is Friday the 13th and all. Yeah, Lady Sophia, I’m worse than Jason… funny. Braxton Barks and I would watch movies together. Though I’ve said plenty. It was best when we invited his Aunt Carolina Bound. With her “pillows,” uh, no room for nightmares. But that’s where we’re headed, isn’t it? No wonder I’m trying so hard writing stories. Sophia, I’m all about jokes today. Virgil has written more with his nails scratching up the floor. But he did manage to climb the stairs all the way yesterday. Woo-hoo!

It’s still way too early for my taste. So that reminds me, buy more energy drinks after this week. Not that this week is anything to write about. But then again, there’s Virgil, I know. For the most part, I’ve been right behind him, getting him upstairs or simply walking. But a few days ago, I was on the verge of sending him to the grave from the backyard stairs the other day. That would have been something. How I murdered a fur baby again. Then there’s Braxton. Every day we move closer to the day. Two years… his passing. Lady Sophia, at least I made sure to get the day off. I can be a man of my word… Whatever will I do, hmm?

What? With the day or my word? At the end of the day, come the 31st, it’ll look like last year. I should watch dog movies and eat barbecue or get Braxton’s favorites. And where will Virgil be during all of this? He needs to learn Braxton’s story. Well other than to leave his bed alone. He can smell death… I need more stuff for Braxton, memorial trinkets, and books but Virgil? Hell! It’s not his ass I’ve been worried about. Again the backyard tumble. I apologize. I’m trying to keep my word too, and with all the Hentai I’ve been downloading… I’m more of a breast man, but some fine-ass girls. This morning? So V’s in B’s room. Not sharing, Tales To B, Virgil.

712 Days Without B III, Day 153 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 190 ~Virgil’s Fur, Braxton’s Mettle~

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I’m no knight in shining armor. My mettle hasn’t been tested in comparison to others. The house is covered in the fur of both the quick and the dead. Then there’s the hoody I wear every day. Because I always look chill… Virgin’s Fur, Braxton’s Mettle

Saturday, January 7, 2023

Saga 190 ~Virgil’s Fur, Braxton’s Mettle~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means Braxton’s still alive. Don’t I wish? More for him than the money Lady Lunalesca.

I swear I would have gone full Repo Men on his ass. A suit of armor, new organs, and a cache of weapons to protect him. If you’re asking what’s this about, I watched “M3GAN.” Is it just me, or have the last couple of movies I’ve seen brought me to tears at some point? “M3GAN,” “Avatar: The Way of Water,” “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever?” “The Menu” only made me hungry. This brings me to my point. How does one buy food? Um, money Lu. STUPID question, I know. But short of my son, as the song goes, “Dollar dollar bill, y’all” has been on my mind. And what about Virgil and me? It’s getting pretty cold out. And if I thought summer was Hell…

At least Virgil’s fur coat will serve him well. But a friend says he needs a coat too. What about his own bed, bowl, and biscuit treats? Oh, he’s not eating any from B’s memorial. But it didn’t stop me from buying the same type Triple B would snack on. And this month is supposed to be about B III, shouldn’t it? How to honor his second year Lu. My power, protector, and pain. Hell! I haven’t asked for any time off yet, Lady Lunalesca. I remember the year before. I had a will of steel and an iron will when honoring my Little B. Now the only heavy metal I’m carrying… Where do you think I’ve been all morning? Lady Lunalesca, beginning like this?

A brand new year. And all I want to do is be as warm as V. All cozy in bed, not doing jack shit. But, um, jacking. You know what I want to say, but that’s for Inspector Echo, okay? Again there’s the money problem. Besides everything to continue Virgil’s and I’s existence… Braxton deserves something set in stone. A statue, ink across my flesh. And there’s been those SILVERCUT necklaces I’ve been eyeing forever. Well, two years for B. And finally, there’s my courage. I’ve failed my son and New Year’s Resolutions, oh no. That’s my existence. One big, OH NO. And to drag another fur baby into this mess after what happened to the last one. My idiocy’s spreading. Virgil’s Fur, Braxton’s Mettle

706 Days Without B III, Day 147 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 189 ~Virgil Forgets To B…~

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I forget what it’s like to get a good night’s sleep. Or what it takes to be a good Dad. Can’t ever remember what it’s like not to have a Day Job I don’t hate. As far as being happy… I’d like to write about B being as such. “Virgil Forgets To B…”

Friday, January 6, 2023

Saga 189 ~Virgil Forgets To B…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I guess in such “happiness,” I forget how I made it… Writing, women’s bodies, wisdom…

First and foremost, Lady Sophia. AHEM! I’m never HAPPY. I believe Braxton is here. There are times I do believe in a higher power. As for conspiracies… I’m convinced the wealthy have some cabal and control the world. Hell! I suppose one can learn Necromancy. Can I possibly believe I can keep my dick in my pants for 161 days again? Uh, I am trying. But as for me being HAPPY? The song goes, “I believe in a thing called love.” Still, a thing such as happiness. Like the word, rehabilitated… a made-up word, a politician’s word. And on that note, January 6 Insurrection. Apocalypse Buddy Braxton lived. Impossible to forget my son Lady Sophia. Even he didn’t make me happy, though. Bad-Ass, Brave, Better…

That’s how I feel right now. Of course, “better” can mean a lot of things. Only what comes to mind right now is forgetfulness. When I’m better, I forget all the bad stuff and good… Well, not really. But the fact that I wanted to talk to you today. Yeah, first, the 3-hour Day Job. The feeling of leaving that shithole. See, Trump, that’s how you say it. Only then, there’s forgetting a bottle of water and the work shirt I carry. Not huge losses Sophia. Dammit to Hell, though; I hate being forgetful. Yet my Braxton always performed that… What? Miracle? He would make me forget what this world makes me. For him being… Daddy, that was all that is/was required of me, Sophia.

And I’m a bastard for saying this, but Virgil forgot to be… Braxton. Reincarnation failure. Aren’t I supposed to be feeling better today? As I said, I got away from the Day Job super early. I have most of the day to catch up with everything. Tuesday, January 3, 2023. Sophia, I checked my work schedule, and next week isn’t looking too good. No time to write at all. As if I were going to anyway. I’m like V, failing tasks I or others wrote down. I forgot to save my son. Yet feel some way about water and workwear. Sort of. But I’m better all warm in bed. While Virgil lies here cuddling/sleeping but it’s not the same as Braxton… Virgil Forgets To B…

705 Days Without B III, Day 146 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 183 ~A Busy B Virgil…~

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Last day of the year, and I am six inches more or less (snickers) from falling back asleep. And there is so much to do today. 1st of Tha Month and year tomorrow. Get busy living or dying… Hell! I merely exist, and what about 2V? A Busy B Virgil.

Saturday, December 31, 2022

Saga 183 ~A Busy B Virgil…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should be sitting on my ass exploiting somebody, Lunalesca. Well, on my ass…

But I am far from taking advantage of anyone. I’m too busy for even that today. Well, that would be a first. And that’s what’s keeping me busy. Preparing for the “1st of The Month.” Well, the first of the year. Besides bursting into tears, Lunalesca, what am I thinking? Today it’s more like what I’m trying not to imagine, and no, not “pornographic passions.” Hell! I had to put the phone down because if I saw one more person who had a great year. If anything, I wasted another year of existence. And I never asked for this Lunalesca. Today though, there are decisions to make, like what will be the first book, the first bop, and the first bill of a new year.

This will be the second year without B III. And bring on the waterworks Lunalesca. Existing in this place; existing in his place. And speaking of which, where’s Virgil now? Back on his pillow. And I wonder how he will do with all the noise that they’ll be tonight. That’s another thing. While Braxton was/is my best friend, and Virgil Vivi… well, as I say at the Day Job, usually, “I’m Here.” Like the song plays, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Virgil, like B, has no stepmom. Did I mention no porno, though there is a dryer here? Ha-ha! And for Virgil to protect his siblings. Well, I’d have to acknowledge him first, Lu. A mistake to give a heart to anyone or anything.

But do I regret doing that for B? I regretted everything in 2021, for sure. And what about this year, 2022? Fuck! On Friday, I bought a pack of all-lime Skittles. New glasses, hmm. Well, the business of a new year because I may have resolutions Sunday. No promises. Now I can’t tell you what the first book will be, though I’m leaning toward more novels on mourning fur babies. At least for the first one, Lady Lunalesca. Remembering Braxton? What will be the first song? I need to think long and hard about that one. To be sure. The first porn? When I wasn’t talking to you, it was all “Street Blowjobs.” Last day of this year. I’m not happy. A Busy B Virgil

699 Days Without B III, Day 140 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 182 ~Virgil’s Reading Away B~

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The worst thing I’ve ever read? Braxton’s Final Vet Bill? The Certificate of his Cremation? Any paycheck from the Day Job? The alarm clock? I wish I could say I’ve been reading something good. But no fairytales, only sleeping. Virgil’s Reading Away B

Friday, December 30, 2022

Saga 182 ~Virgil’s Reading Away B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford all these places for Chinese food, hot dogs, and ice cream.

But what about books? If anything, I hope to get through “Christmas Grump” before the first. It feels wrong to read holiday books after the first. It’s like eating breakfast for dinner. It’s something I don’t do. But if I hadn’t got all those shrimp Thursday, Sophia? For a moment, I was about to say there was never a time I didn’t bring food back for B. His Aunt, of course, could call me on my bullshit. That time we went out one weekend, and I ordered onion rings… Didn’t I also say something about that the other day with Virgil? It seems he can no longer stand for it. At least, I hope so, as he walked in here. Am I not sharing food?

If only he could read receipts and understand peppers and onions aren’t good for him. Hell! I’m not good for him, considering I’m not reading anything appropriate now. I think of Braxton as my son but Virgil. Well, I thought of him as Braxton for a bit, and since he’s not, hmm… Lady Sophia, I should start reading books on disappointment. Besides not yet finding the clip of when I stopped jerking off when B died. That’s what I was trying to read on top of all the porn. I was up at 4:00 AM, right? It’s 6:30 AM, and now we’re talking? Four hrs later, at 10:00. I should read the bills for V. I instead read while he pees “off” his bathroom pad.

Should I read things on dog behavior at the start of the new year? I know what I want. I want more books on dead/dying fur babies. And to have a good cry at them like this year, okay? Is there anything on how to stay awake? Because I’m sure, I’ll fall asleep at the end of this chat. I went through a self-help chapter once upon a time, and there’s Dale Carnegie. I need to be reading that bill for the fire department and sending it off before I get in trouble. The tab for the car shows it’s a little late for that. Virgil understanding Day Jobs? Lady Sophia, if I did, I’d try making more money… Writing ha-ha. Virgil’s Reading Away B

698 Days Without B III, Day 139 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will