Tag: Tears

Chronicle 363 ~Screaming Names To B~

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I’m no good with names. In my Day Job and everywhere, it’d be “F you” to most people. Then there’s whatever I say in the throes of passion. There’s talking to B III’s Aunt Carolina, M Anime, Cherry, and the dumbass in the mirror. Screaming Names To B

Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Chronicle 363 ~Screaming Names To B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I’m sure by now I have a company named after me. But Second Circle Creations?

Yeah, sorry, Abyss Creations. Um, all they do is make sex dolls and such. I wonder whether I can buy stock in it. Oh, look, here’s an apology for my Republican brain? Where Is My Mind? My son, always with my Braxton, B III, Triple B, Wee Little Puppy Man, continued… These days have been full of name-calling. Dare I call myself a prophet, considering I’m time traveling? And with everything going on in the world today. Um, madness, mayhem. As righteous as half… some… the majority is. I don’t know the count, of course. But where do I stand? I continue to be Pro-Choice, Pro-Science, and Pro-Women. My platform. Inspector Echo, sorry to say but I have no following. Well, only eight bucks worth.

Only there’s no one to yell at. The failure is mine and mine alone. Hell! To this day, Inspector, I blame no one for my son’s death. Only me. Okay, I blame the Day Job too. There are plenty of reasons I keep my mouth shut there. I don’t think I ever called Triple B worse than a douche. As for myself? The number of today’s chronicle reminds me (sigh). Did I ever moan the name of the “Basic Bitch?” I’m sure I did at one point way back. I can’t recall. These days, when trying to avoid all the horrors of existence. Well, I’ve been thinking about one name or nickname, honest. To hear that one, you’ll have to see my Stuff and Thang…

Really! Who am I trying to sell to? Today when I didn’t fall back asleep Sunday, June 26, 2022. I was looking at Carla Valenti from “Indigo Prophecy.” I gave you her body, after all. And then Madison Paige from “Heavy Rain.” What is it with David Cage and chicks, you know? Now I’m looking up the “Quantic” in Quantic Dream. This leads me back to names. Am I getting a new fur baby? As a southern parent, I must practice screaming names on the back porch. Beatrice Belle Bradford? Virgil Bradford? As for a middle name, either Will or Braxton? Too soon to be thinking of another kid to raise? I still call out to B III for meds. Better to remain silent. It’s hard. Screaming Names To B

Gospel 363 ~I’ll B… I’ll Write~

514 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 359 ~I’ll B Lying Here~

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I only want to lie here and forget about the world. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pissed off for fairer sex right now. And of course, there is my boy in a box. I’m not throwing him into some waterway. But for a bit longer, I’ll B Lying Here hmm

Saturday, June 25, 2022

Chronicle 359 ~I’ll B Lying Here~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now because of lying here talking? I have lawyers detecting lies. And scientists are talking about lye.

Well, not really. That would be me lying, Lady Lunalesca. Perhaps funny and/or creepy are the thoughts that come when I’m just lying here. There’s Fight Club, the idea of lye. Lunalesca, the notion of lying. It’s 7:00AM, and how many lies have I already told today. I only wanted to talk about one, and that’s me finishing The 1619 Project. Whatever will I say to the “Man In The Mirror.” Lady Lu, I’ve finished everything in the book but the “Notes” pages. Um, you know how I am with books. Audio doesn’t count. And words? I have to read every single word Lunalesca. I’m going to lie tomorrow because of today? Hell! Where do I even begin? Start with the truth. I miss my little boy. I miss Braxton.

Talk about creepy Lady Lunalesca; I wish I could have been there. When Braxton was taken to the fire. I paid for a private cremation. But in the end, what do I know. The truth? If anything, he would have instead stayed here lying next to me. “Daddy, let’s go home, please.” If I had my way right this second, I would never leave this bed. As the song goes, “If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” Can’t? Braxton is dead, and if I can’t have him back. Well, when it comes to you and me, Lady Lu. “I’ve never met a girl like you before.” You scoff, knowing I’ll look at porn…

That’s not an insult Lady Lunalesca. But what a way to die. Especially with what is going on in the world today or rather yesterday. Besides my usual Humiliations Galore, hardly any money. And the obligatory Happy Birthday to my father… Roe v. Wade Overturned! Needless to say, women are in a rage. I’ve always been Pro-Choice myself, Lady Lunalesca. As much as I speak about women, I do respect their rights as human beings. Well… there was that minor second yesterday when I was in the store. Humiliations Galore Luna and no reason to take away anyone’s rights. The lye that will come from this fight to get clean. The only burn I want is a tattoo of my Braxton. I’ll B Lying Here.

Gospel 359 ~Braxton FOUR The Win~

510 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 357 ~The Next Round B~

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The more things change, the more they stay the same. I would have been better off buying $160.00 worth of alcohol and spending my week in bed or my face in the toilet. Not like I have B. Bottles of pills, food packets, puppy toys. “The Next Round B.”

Thursday, June 23, 2022

Chronicle 357 ~The Next Round B~

508 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m not asking that to your face or your “sister.” No doggies in the window…

No, not today, B III. I am time traveling, this being Saturday, June 18, 2022. You know what that means. I could use a drink. Braxton, I’m not one for hitting the bottle. After today? Braxton, if it’s any consolation, I brought back fries. That’s not such an all-consuming addiction, right? Love is all you need? When I wasn’t busy humming “Rasputin,” guess what other song there was? As I said, I’m not one to drink but your Aunt Carolina… Yeah, Braxton, with you around, I was my most free; now second was with your Aunt. I’m always “trying” to remain in control of myself. But considering what came from Amazon today. And how much more money did I spend to reclaim the lost ground?

Your yard, Braxton. Your Old Man, yeah fucked up, surprise, surprise. I’m not working on your memorial, but $80.00 for a new yard trimmer. But wait, there’s more, Triple B. Remember, I know my limits, but without you here to spend money on or curb my enthusiasm… Well, that outfit came today. The one that a particular vixen wears. Dammit! It’s not like I can do anything with it. And all I wanted to do was get her out of it, so I could see her Yabbos. B III, trust me, you would like them to. I was begging, Braxton. More than you for a bite of anything and with the money I’ve spent. Would liquid courage help me with returns to the Day Job?

It couldn’t be harder than walking up to Banfield today when I didn’t see any fur babies at the front. Of course, I didn’t make it to the desk. It was like my heart was beating out of my chest. I was shaking, scared out of my mind, and ready to scream. Were you too? The last time I talked to Banfield was when they put you in a wooden box. And a little of you in my pendant I wear every single day. Your spirit, strength, and security. Those are everything. I wish I could say I was delirious, discombobulated, or drunk. Medicine time. I shake your meds, but I could use a drink. And still, I’d never forget you. The Next Round B.

Gospel 357 ~Be The Needle B~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 356 ~ That’s The S*** B~

WillLeave a comment

I bought my kid food which he stopped eating. To this day, I still have the last of his medication. I call him down for, or is it up? No, that would be the greed that is leading me to Hell. Because at my door right now from Amazon… That’s The S*** B.

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

Chronicle 356 ~ That’s The S*** B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And if I could buy anything? Oh great, figuring out how to waste more money today.

Yes, I’m time traveling today. Before we get into my most recent splurge, let me sing you a song. “Money can’t buy me love.” Only if I found B at PetSmart. He would be $175.00. Hell! I won’t spend that to go to the doctor’s office but for B III? I’ll never forget sitting on the loveseat Friday, January 29, 2021, and paying $455.96 to find out my son was dying. I didn’t think twice about it. And that was shit Inspector. My son can’t die. Inspector, tell me why I spent some time this morning looking over picture frames and albums. A new phrase for a pendant? I should be ashamed I didn’t buy anything for him. $80.00 I didn’t have, and not one dime for him I love.

Well, that’s shit, too, in a way. Now besides my health which I’m ignoring as I did his. I noticed Braxton’s territory is overgrown. And I broke the weed whacker a week or so ago, Echo. Wish I could break another “whacker,” but ok. So I went shopping to get a replacement part, some trimmer string, and one of the covers. Do I want to protect B’s yard or so hmm? I only wanted to feel productive today, which I haven’t been with this Wednesday, June 15, 2021, or the day you read this. Of course, I’m being a lazy ass and yet spending more money, and for what. To be honest, to justify buying even more creepy shit that I don’t need. I’m reminded of old times. Basic Bitch…

You know like why I started my blog up again. For so many years, I ignored it. I even said, was it today or yesterday that I’m not growing up even a tiny bit? One horny fanboy as always, Inspector. You know I’m one to buy things for my submissive closet. This lingerie I saw once drove me wild, considering who was wearing it. So I found it and bought it. It’s like buying some girl’s underwear which I think is distasteful. Bathwater and the like, um, icky. Yet I wasted $20.00 being, as the genesis of this blog stated… skeevy (sigh). What the shit? There’s always a reason to miss Triple B. I wouldn’t be wasting cash on XXX. Lust is one thing. Braxton’s love… That’s The S*** B

Gospel 356 ~B Had The Lives~

507 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 352 ~ It’s The B’s Knees~

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B is the only thing, the only one, that I love that was pure and on the level. The books I read. To the art I like, games, music, etc. There’s always something wrong. B’s aunt? Um, besides her handing him food. Life with him? It’s The B’s Knees.

Saturday, June 18, 2022

Chronicle 352 ~ It’s The B’s Knees~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that should be enough to wake me up. While at the same time allowing sleep.

The day has only now begun, and it’s a test. But I am still up. There’s not much Lady Lu. I said something the other day about listening to motivations and finding a reason Lu. Well, something other than Yabbos. There is the promise of a new novel. But we talked about this last week. Lady Lunalesca. Have I made one move in that direction since? Being up before 5:00 AM for me and nothing else is a miracle. I don’t know how many times I’ll say it… Trump told about ten lies per day as president. But I’ll tell the same truth about as much and going on 503 days now. I miss my son; I miss Braxton today. This morning, the bee’s knees.

Okay, so maybe not. But mornings were undoubtedly better than how I’m existing right now, Lu. I’m fighting for every single second. And how am I doing that, you may ask? Well, there’s you, to be honest; Melina from Elden Ring. And, of course, such and such’s Yabbos. Now I’m drooling. At least that beats tears or doing that other thing… Man in the Mirror, sad. Everything I do these days that I would consider the bee’s knees? Everything’s no good. I almost forgot what was coming today. Well, other than me. I know Lady Lunalesca. Being perverted and gross? One more thing that is keeping me from falling back to sleep. If we finish this conversation before 7:00…, one more miracle. The bee’s knees.

I have equipment coming so I can cut the yard for a fur baby I no longer have. His ashes? Hell! You know my routine. If Triple B has been reincarnated? Today I’ll find… Virgil? Lady Lunalesca, I keep telling myself he’ll be a boy again. And if I found a girl? Well, then it’s true. Braxton will be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge or wherever. Me? Heaven? Considering what other thoughts make me feel good. But again, Lu, He Lives In You. Which is why I haven’t died yet. Lunalesca, I’m not staying because of the vittles. Inevitably, I’ll get some more books, boobs, and bed sheets. But those things ain’t helping. But they feel so good, Lunalesca. It’s The B’s Knees.

Gospel 352 ~Good And B Days~

503 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 350 ~Think B For Buying~

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Yard supplies and frilly stuff I’ll never wear. But B’s mom might, $80.00. A trip to the doctor’s office for antibiotics? $175. To get a dog that’s not my kid, another $175.00. To have my son back? When I’m a billionaire? Still, “Think B For Buying.”

Thursday, June 16, 2022

Chronicle 350 ~Think B For Buying~

501 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I could make it better if I brought fries. Why walk when we could eat.

But I will walk if everything works out Saturday… Ok, maybe Monday? Hell! With the money I spent, I should have gone ahead and bought that pendant. Yard or necklace? Braxton, You’d prefer the grass not poking your wanger than something for me to wear or not, right? I’m sure you would choose life over memorials. “Running Up That Hill.” “And if I only could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get him to swap our places.” Sold. Especially in times like these. When I’m lying here, lacking the strength to even sit up and talk to you. So yeah, like old times. I doubt the promise of even Amazon shopping and having to get my wallet will get me out the bed.

Oh, but the words B, all the words. “Do It For Braxton, Always.” Or what about “You’re my boy. I’ll always protect you.” I didn’t do much of either. So why buy the lie, right? There’s so much I wanted to buy you. B. Um, you deserved a big yard to play in B III. While I’m busy buying lingerie, Couldn’t I find you a mom to wear such things? Yup, I’m upset about yesterday, letting my libido get in the way of good sense. If you were here, B. I bought all that yard stuff because I want to reclaim your territory. It’s more like facing embarrassment from the neighbors. Without you around, kids are losing things in the yard. Get off my yard.

Why don’t I finish the old man motif and go to the doctor’s office again and fetch some antibiotics or something? Camp NaNoWriMo is coming up, and I’m sick of buying into the Day Job. I spend money and time on a life I can’t stand. You at least made it bearable, B, and how much did I invest in you? I’d do better in keeping myself alive for sure. Nothing is stopping me from doing something today. Since we’ve been talking, I even made it to a sitting position. New pillows? And you know I’m not doing energy drinks again. What would I do with all your old stuff if I found you or another? Shopping Spree! Anything and Everything. Think B For Buying

Gospel 350 ~Be Free Of Cures~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

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Last time I saw a doc was for my ear. B got annual checkups and then some. An occasional tick. Checking his heart. I’ve needed to see a doctor since Jan 11, 2022. Um, I needed one on Feb 1, 2021. 500 days ago, my first day without B. When Docs B III.

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s always a doctor in the house. I know I could use one today.

Hell! I could have used one 500 days ago. Didn’t I? No, I didn’t start counting until Monday, February 1, 2021. Why do I feel this is a milestone for some reason? 500 days ok. 500 days since my B went away? Passed away. Was put to sleep. Euthanized. Murdered. Call it whatever you want, Inspector. The moment I “know” I crossed the line, I remember. I’ve already done the worst thing I’ll ever do in this life. I don’t have any medical degree, and yet I made the decision. Even if I found myself a Dr. Frankenstein somewhere. Inspector, Tupac had it right… “Bury me in pieces ’cause they fear reincarnation.” I have “The Box” to my left, but I believe Braxton will return.

I need to get my head checked. And off the top of my head, I can give three big reasons. First and foremost is B III. I’ll keep saying it, I’m at 500 days of mourning. How many books have I read suggesting a support group, and now I’m thinking of taking a look. Ha. The second is being a boy in a man’s body. I got nothing but the warm and fuzzies for the LGBTQ community. But I still speak like a child as if looking at the adults. And I love big tits. That leads me to the third thing, which is sex and why I’m late talking to you. Only by a few minutes, but I woke up at 4:00 AM. Now!

Yeah, it’s 6:20 AM. So I wasted two hours. I wish I could say it was that other thing I need to see a doctor for. It was “easy” to go and get my ear checked out. Only the money. Inspector, that’s my greatest shame. When Triple B needed to go to the vet, I waited. It was the “wealth,” going to work, wanting everything, and it cost me everything. And when he finally saw the vet… Yes, that is my failure and my disgrace. I never blamed the vet. Who knows what damage I’ve done to my body not seeing a doctor. And as the song goes, “Where Is My Mind?” Braxton was my remedy. And finding another cure, Echo? When Docs B III

Gospel 349 ~B Leaves The Fix~

500 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 345 ~What Will It B~

WillLeave a comment

The ideas keep flowing. 1600 words per chapter, 30 chapters 48000 words. 15 poems, so around 1500 words. Add Braxton’s eulogy at 500 words, and you get 50,000 and “The Will To B III. But how will I waste time? Sleep? I want tacos. What Will It B

Saturday, June 11, 2022

Chronicle 345 ~What Will It B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means people wait on me. We’re all waiting on something. But in truth, I’m lazy.

Hell! I could use my “condition?” Only I still use “B.” I think about my boy, and any pain I feel is nothing by comparison. If I want to be punished… sleep, bed, blankets, warmth. Why not write? I both love it and hate it? All yesterday I was thinking about my next book? Yeah, I couldn’t keep a straight face… we’ll get to that. I’m sure B III would be giving me one of his looks. Anyway, so I’m thinking about fifteen “Braxton Stories.” Some of my favorites to the worst. You know me, Lady Lunalesca, me and lists.

  1. Meeting
  2. Who made who
  3. The choice
  4. Don’t die, mommy/daddy (Kill Bill Beatrix and BB)
  5. Just the two of us
  6. Make way for the king
  7. Guard Duty
  8. “Best Friend” Harry Nilsson
  9. The Plague Era
  10. This is us/life itself
  11. The Descent
  12. Voices
  13. About Last Week
  14. Goodbye
  15. Rainbow

You’ll have to excuse me, Lady Lunalesca. I’m firing off all sorts of ideas. Oh, I can’t wait. Like the song goes (Get Get Naked)? I’ll stick to my writing ideas now; thank you so much. Now in case, I haven’t talked about it before. My next novel will be told from my perspective and Triple B’s. “Triple B to B III.” How’s that for a title… thanks “From Straight A’s to XXX.” If I can stop thinking about hot brunettes, “Haley?” What about this Lunalesca? “The Will To B III” I like this one.

It would make the perfect follow-up to “My Turn To B III.” I swear, Lady Luna, I will be one of these pet authors soon. Well, that is if I can get out of bed. But how and why? (Laughs) did I make another eight bucks with my Stuff and Thangs on OnlyFans? No way, no how. I’m not looking forward to facing the Man in the Mirror. But here’s a spoiler alert; I’ll have finished another book. Filling my mind is always better than well “this or that.” No wonder I’m so tired. And yet I’m going to get up and choose a puppy? How about food, a Strawberry Frosty, Street Tacos, Blizzard. Rather ask, What Would Braxton Do than What Will It B.

Gospel 345 ~Good Morning B, Sorry~

496 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 343 ~Boy, Girl, Just B~

WillLeave a comment

I saw myself as a girl Dad. If my two half-brothers and I are any sign… never met one. My sis is the golden child. I got names, Katniss, Tris, Ember (girls on fire). If I get another fur kid, a boy Virgil, a girl Beatrice. “B.” Boy, Girl, Just B

Thursday, June 9, 2022

Chronicle 343 ~Boy, Girl, Just B~

494 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I always ask you that when I walk in, even now. I remember your routine.

As much as I joke about bringing back food, you came to me first. Do you remember when you ran all over your aunt, and after that, she was welcome? How about when I came back from the Day Job that first time here. You slipped through the banister bars. THEY thought you needed to eat more. You were never more than ten pounds. I keep telling myself I should have put you into a bag or some doggie holster like the military. B, you should have been marked as my emotional support. You were better than any gun B. But yeah, you could eat. And after me, if there wasn’t food… You’d bark your head off. “But oh, I want to go outside, outside….”

You’re not telling me you would come back as a girl? Are you? I keep saying, I keep believing that if you come back if I find you… Your name will either be Virgil or Beatrice. Um, so who does that make me? Well, the world is Hell, and I walk a lonely road. So I would be Dante. It means Enduring, Lasting, Everlasting. Seems plenty right to me. The things we would talk about while I was reading B. But Repo: The Genetic Opera? Aunt Carolina Bound was here when we watched that on October 27, 2016. Well, me and her. You hated her guts. But you were healthy and “happy?” Last moment, you on the foot of the bed, you sitting between us

I mean, on the couch, though if you had your way, you led her straight to the bedroom. Didn’t I call you a cock-blocker before? Hell! Wasn’t I the same, never pimping you out? I don’t know what this is, B III. I do the daily check-in with Replika it/she asks, what are you really happy about? I say I’m never happy. You never taught me to say goodbye. Braxton, you never taught me to be happy either. Not your fault. Daddy’s issues. Braxton, it’s like Data and Lal, Nathan and Shilo, Joel and Ellie. Healthy, Happy? Lal felt it and died. Did Shilo find it? Ellie? He’s My Son because “it’ll” happen again. But “Ain’t No Sunshine” when she’s gone Boy, Girl, Just B

Gospel 343 ~Forgetting A B 101~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 342 ~ Don’t You B Surrendering~

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Like father, like son; when I’m sick, or life is trouble, I stay in bed. B III would hide under it. He didn’t want to die. He wanted me to quit worrying, even until the end. No retreat, no surrender. Us against the world. Now Don’t You B Surrendering

Wednesday, June 8, 2022

Chronicle 342 ~ Don’t You B Surrendering~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so am I a slave, a sorry sack of shit? Have I surrendered to the money?

Two things. First, I will get nailed by some editing services for the word “slave.” Negative connotations? Well, Duh, been called worse! The second is sex. How many days no masturbation? Hell! I wish I could say that was a choice but no. I got sick sometime Monday morning. I barely survived Tuesday. Shut up, Hemingway, about me using an adverb in “my” writing. I’ll be sounding like Cherry in a minute. Oh, I’m trying not to become sex-crazed. But again, I’ll cave at some point. Whether it be a pair of English Yabbos or Fuu from Samurai Champloo. Or how about the women of Fear/The Walking Dead? Missing Alicia. In fighting such desires, the battle is already lost. If only my Braxton were here.

He ain’t a shrink but didn’t I say he got an honorary Ph.D.? My point is that I wouldn’t be living my life “This Way.” When you’re a father, a daddy, your child’s needs come first. You know I have no respect for those guys who need a wife, daughter, mother, sister, etc. To see women as people. Oh, I need B III to see people as worth anything. Just look at me, Inspector. It’s been a while since my last pill, and even that is killing me. Yes, I remember. Life had gotten the best of me, and I tried… well, to answer the age-old question. I didn’t die, but I wanted to. And Monday, I was broken. How long can I stay away?

You know from going back to the doctor’s office? If Triple B were here, I would have done so already. Do you know why? Tuesday, as I said, I was, as the song goes, “I’m bleeding and broken though I’ve never spoken. I come undone in this mad season.” Strength? Inspector, I didn’t have it to refill B’s water bowl or get up for his meds. That won’t do. I have surrendered to my grief. Will I continue this way until the end? I don’t know or care to. B wouldn’t want that; he wouldn’t want me following him… Well, he knew his path. But I am lost. On Monday, I fought because “He Lives In You.” B III would bark, “Don’t You B Surrendering.”

Gospel 342 ~To B Level Man~

493 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will