Last week I said I wanted to put my head under the covers. Wouldn’t that be WHITE of me? Scared and wearing bedsheets over my face… Excuse me, their effing MAGA hats. But no, I want to be seen, crying over my son and my girl. B Needs Blankets, Virgil
Wednesday, January 21, 2021
Journey 204 ~B Needs Blankets, Virgil~
Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… What? Have I not given Braxton and M Anime the wall-to-wall mourning and misery they deserve? Blanket coverage?
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Inigo, The Princess Bride
Thank you, Inigo Montoya, but I have bigger sins. Three if I’m specific. Although SIGH…
“Sigh No More.” Well, not until E-Day anyway. But the fact that I’ve had Forty-One E-Days (Cue Ben-Hur Galley Drums) is a sin in and of itself. The fact that I’m breathing, that I don’t want to be, that “I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all.” “Sometimes, yet I still pretend.” That brings me back to the big two, Inspector. “Love and Happiness?”
Without my son, Braxton. Without my girl, M Anime. Why aren’t we talking about them?
I swear at the Day Job, I wanted to scream out, “My son is dead!” I could play his songs…
Next week? Am I trying to get fired? Beats Frozen.
“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000
And while we’re on the subject of Elsa and Anna… Day One? Eww. Relax, Inspector, it wasn’t those sisters that got me off this afternoon. But it wasn’t M Anime either. And that’s my point right there. What am I planning for this week and Saturday? As if grieving is supposed to be a surprise. I’ve mourned Braxton for going on five years. But the woman I was going to marry, potentially, and who was going to have my children.
Inspector, this is new. So I thought I would dance to the two songs I dedicate to her. Those are: “Days Go By” by Dirty Vegas and “King of Wishful Thinking” by Go West. Hmm.
Sorry, I’m not Rick Grimes. I lost my family, Inspector.
“You ain’t no kind of man if you ain’t got land.”
Spoken by Delmar O’Donnell
And thank you as well, Delmar O’Donnell. Or should I speak as Prince Hector did, with all the honor the gods, love your woman, and defend your country? Braxton was more than a prince. He was my little god. And I failed him as I fail his little brother Virgil.
Woman? My woman? She’s married or is about to be married to someone else in Georgia, Georgia… So close and yet so far. But I’ve been thinking of that Ludacris tune for weeks, Inspector. Earworm? Like “I’m only a man in a silly red sheet.” I’m not her Superman, E.
It’s not easy to be me, Inspector. “I’m only a man in a funny red sheet. My country? Eff MAGA! But B Needs Blankets, Virgil
1816 Days Without B III, Day 1257 of Virgil’s Arrival
B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will
