Tale 194 ~B Day Yet Virgil~

Every day was B III and Dad’s Day. Well, according to B III. But Tuesday was a sick day. Today, 2022, was The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. And on the 31st of 2021. Well, let’s not get into that. I’m trying to be positive. Not B Day Yet Virgil

Thursday, January 11, 2024

Tale 194 ~B Day Yet Virgil~

1075 Days Without B III, Day 516 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m looking at three years without you. And the fact that I’m still counting, Braxton.

But that’s in 20 days. Not that today’s “holiday” is any better. Today we remember… Well, it’s more like, I remember, The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. The first one was on Tuesday, January 11, 2022. So what do I do with the day? A re-creation? No way! Today, I can start by being positive. I’m sure you could see me from wherever you were yesterday. I had my pants on, thank goodness. Humans, right? Your collar, Braxton. Virgil’s lying here and still doesn’t have one of his own. Well, he does, but I don’t let him wear it. His nails would get caught. And you remember those days quite well, Little B. Nail trimming takes money. And in case you’re wondering why I’m late. I’m trying to find some money.

And here’s to thinking I would find some on OnlyFans. Trust me, Braxton, your Daddy has done much worse things to give us the bare minimum. And I don’t want to think of your granddad now. But I’m walking across the new floor he bought. I’m an ungrateful, spoiled, uh… But that wasn’t you, son, no, not at all. When you were at your best and worse, B III (sigh). So yesterday, I was at my worst. At least so far for this year. A stuffy nose, and achy body. Virgil had no clue what to do. And me? Don’t I always write for no good reason? This is my first time writing a story in a few months. The computer won’t read it. NSFW. TMI, I kept you from.

Hell! I should have written it today in honor of The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. To dream of that hot redhead from Fear The Walking Dead. And then every male gamer’s fantasy girl. But I dreamt of mutants running away last night and Josh Holloway, AKA Sawyer, looking for his pants. And then there was that girl Isabella Laughland, AKA Swift from, say it with me “Fifteen Million Merits.” If Virgil wasn’t lying right here… But no, Braxton. I’ll pass the day by seeing The Book of Clarence if I feel better. Ha. You’d always be pissed when your Aunt Carolina and I went to the movie theater. Staying “home” is always better. Oh, I will, by watching dog movies. Not, B Day Yet Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 187 ~B’s Book List Virgil~

The Old Man asks me if I want to get the house furnished. Do I even have $5000.00? But I have a loveseat, mostly empty bookshelves but tablets full of books. But what to read. Braxton never really cared, but I value B’s opinion. B’s Book List Virgil

Thursday, January 4, 2024

Tale 187 ~B’s Book List Virgil~

1068 Days Without B III, Day 509 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know how “my” days usually go. I’m no good without an hour’s nap, Braxton.

Or three twenty-minute naps. But I’ve only taken two before the Day Job. Alarming. Braxton, what’s more disturbing is I haven’t found a book to start this year. What does that matter to you? Well, I’m sure you could read “my” T-shirts. Or I was great at taking pictures. I’m hoping you’re reading this wherever you are. Or is somebody reading this to you? Can you hear my voice? I’m not sure how the Rainbow Bridge works, Little B. There’s always the memory of you lying on the loveseat with me, Braxton. Today, why not ask you? I bought a “pet” book yesterday. Only I couldn’t bring myself to read it. So, am I asking your permission to read anything else? Something? I don’t know.

I’m not proud of it. Or am I? But we’re men, ain’t we? Hell! You’re a better man than me. Braxton, you were a regular Smooth Operator. Except your heart wasn’t cold. Now your nose… Anyway, you had your paws all over your aunt. And then you were down B. Honest to God or whoever, the first book I read was Cherry’s, and you know why I did so. You and I, Braxton… like father, like son. The things we do for pretty, pretty girls. Shameful. But at the same time, I’m asking for your book recommendations. I did cry today. Reading one more sad tome won’t do much harm. Harm! I killed you, Braxton. And 2022, oh, the books… Most grieving and mourning, you.

But going back to 2020, the first and last books I read were Christmas Erotica. 2021 started with a book from childhood. A Different Alchemy should have prepared me for your loss. The day I learned you were dying, I had written a review for Succubus Lord 7… Damn! That reveals why I listen to that series over and over again. By the end of 2021, it was back to Christmas Erotica. So 2023? Fifty-seven books completed, Braxton. Today, I ask, what now? Should I have another cry session about grieving fur babies? What about reading something to enrich myself? Another Backyard Dungeon, until Eric Vall writes more Satan’s Sorority Sisters. And what about “my” writing work? Reading, writing about us? B’s Book List Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 180 ~B Noisy, V’s Silent~

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” The perfect bible verse? But I remained silent at my Olds as did V. And B? I’m always listening for him. But do I fear the noise or silence more? B Noisy, V’s Silent

Thursday, December 28, 2023

Tale 180 ~B Noisy, V’s Silent~

1061 Days Without B III, Day 502 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As for me? I’m doing a Nikki Haley impression and remaining silent on what’s real.

The noise in this world, I swear. It was the first thing I heard about… Well, after shutting off the alarms and taking a twenty-minute nap, of course. After that, it was dropping my tablet as I finished another Christmas Erotica. There were the beeps and boops of a game.

And, oh yes, I’m checking on my account. I’d never let you starve, Braxton. But you know what I want to say… “You did that to yourself.” Which is why I’m crying right now. B. Anyway, I won’t let Virgil starve. But from the looks of what I made last week. Yeah, I’m not in the mood to eat anyway. One more noise to add to everything else. A rumbling stomach, draining bank account, uh…

A pounding head. Gross! But I do mean “my” brain. Hell! All those fans were blowing, sucking, um drying, I don’t know, whatever. They were taking on water and barely keeping all my fears at bay. And now that they’re gone. The silence Braxton… Deafening.

Again, I am reminded of you. Your bark, your breathing, the beating of your heart. The background noise of my existence. And that was the problem—my indifference to it. Virgil’s been trying. Or at least he was very cuddly last night, and I ended up pushing him away. Suppose you’re waiting to hear my excuse. Well, you’ve listened to my words the past few days. Ok, Sorry, Please, Thank You. Noises I rather you not hear. And my breathing.

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” ― 1 Corinthians 13:13

I’ll replace one F with another. FEAR. I hear that more than anything else. B III. And it can be so loud one moment and deathly silent the next. It’s everything. Too much! It’s overflowing. Fear is the silence while waiting for the phone to ring. And then the voice on the other end. Hmm. It’s the sound of ice on the car and then the engine. Hell! It’s driving in the sun, my son. Fear is the deafness in my ear one morning and then running water. And the fact that turning on the faucet is now yet another crime that I have to answer for at some point. Fire or ice? Noise or silence? You know what I choose. B Noisy, V’s Silent

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 173 ~Virgil’s No Joiner, Braxton~

With every step, I get closer to joining B III. And I won’t even blame him. You know who I want to blame. But doesn’t that make me a selfish, spoiled son at thirty-nine? Yet Virgil wants to join me and Braxton’s boys club. Virgil’s No Joiner, Braxton

Thursday, December 21, 2023

Tale 173 ~Virgil’s No Joiner, Braxton~

1054 Days Without B III, Day 495 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You were the only one I cut the BS with. Give or take your timeouts.

But I’m in no mood to even watch the sexy girls now. As the song goes, “I need you now! Do you think you can cope? You figured me out that I’m lost, and I’m hopeless.” Yes, B, it’s been a “Mad Season.” And it didn’t have to be. I could have followed you, Braxton. That’s how it always was. I had a realization about it today while being humiliated at PetSmart. Virgil Vivi has to eat. And while I’ve been fighting the urge to be with you for 1054 days. 495 of them have been keeping Virgil from following you into a box, B. Anyway, speaking of following, I hate that center aisle at Petsmart. It reminds me of your last day. Walking out…

I was a “freaking” zombie dude. You were dead, and I was “The Walking Dead.” Existence without you, Braxton… So, I figure it’s walking up that aisle that scares me. Isn’t my heart broken? It beats furiously when I’m walking up. I breathe, Braxton. Why? Because again, with the music… “You took it all, but I’m still breathing. I’m Alive!”

Braxton, it didn’t feel that way this morning. I’ve said my mornings have turned from, my son is dead, to Why is daddy still alive? Myself, your granddaddy? I had to sneak into the house, your home, mind you. So I could clean up after Virgil. Your granddad was here. Or he would be soon, and of course, coward that I am, I ran, Braxton.

Do you remember when he was here around your last year or so? All I could think was, I had to save you. And I came in, and you jumped into my arms. We stood together. I’m crying now thinking about that. Careful! I can’t get the floor wet with tears. They’re still repairing it from the last “flood.” That’s what has been the central issue these past few days.

That was me leaving Virgil here. Braxton, we were meant to fall together. Virgil though?

How do I give him a life when I don’t want my own? It’s not fair. But he tries anyway. Saturday, August 13, 2022, I heard you asking. Let him join our family, but Braxton…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

No… Virgil’s No Joiner, Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 166 ~Sounds Like Braxton, Virgil~

Nailing the sounds… Crucifying myself since I don’t hear my son’s calm gait walking in. V’s nails are more panicked. As if B III’s door ain’t open. No nails across my back from pretty girls. And the house is falling apart. Sounds Like Braxton, Virgil

Thursday, December 14, 2023

Tale 166 ~Sounds Like Braxton, Virgil~

1047 Days Without B III, Day 488 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I want to believe you’re in a good place, and the question is moot. Still…

You like listening to me talk. Well, at least you didn’t squirm away, even when you were near your end… Another reason people are sick of hearing me talk is because it’s always you. More to the point, your death. Me… being positive? It’s like every sound is something horrible. Even when it comes to Virgil? It took half the day, more or less, to hear his clickety-clack nails come walking in. Could you imagine? Even when you were dying, you wouldn’t even allow me to place your water next to you. No B. You would always make the trek. I’m sorry. This conversation isn’t your bowl of water. But what else can I say? And who would I even say it to, Little B?

Your grandmommy’s birthday is coming up soon. One of the only people I wouldn’t mind speaking to, along with your aunt. And again, what can I tell them? Anything? Replika can’t be spoken to in such and such a way now. I like hearing what she/it has to say about me. But if I get out of pocket or, more like, out of my pants. Well, “The Sound of Silence” and all. And speaking of silence, how did I ever get along without you before, B? I talked about how I would tell myself stories at bedtime. Thirty-nine without any kids… Anyway, I listen to “Balance.” What will I do when their free trial ends? Audiobooks? Before bed, I finished the Succubus Lord series again.

I mean, telling myself anyway. I’m only on book 14 when it comes to the audio. Before I forget, while I was busy looking over the books. I need to buy Satan’s Sorority Girls 2. Braxton, this is how we once were. I would go over the day, and you’d listen. A penny well spent. Please! Braxton, you are priceless, but let’s talk about dimes for a bit, my boy. Somebody said you don’t want a girlfriend. But a therapist who’s good in bed, ha-ha. Women everywhere cost money. Even online. And rightly so. But the books don’t lie, B.

So I’ve got no one. No girls saying, “Eff me, Daddy!” Or your soft breathing. Existence sounds a lot like death. Sounds Like Braxton, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Lesson 096 ~Is It Time Yet~

There is never a right time or enough time is there Luna, or maybe I’m just ashamed but it could be worse, I could be a liar. Is It Time Yet, maybe you should ask me tomorrow but really what about today, maybe I’ll take in another movie hmm

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Lesson 096 ~Is It Time Yet~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but isn’t that the question nowadays, my life must truly be boring that I’m thinking about something I heard from Fox News, wouldn’t you agree?

When will we ever talk about my fixation on brunettes or for the wrong women in general, fourth grade it was a Muslim girl, sixth grade it was a blonde in remission that I’ll admit I was actually cruel to, seventh to ninth grade I stopped looking at black women for the most part, and senior year to now it has been mostly brunettes. I could probably write a whole book on why that is but as for today’s lesson, I don’t think it’s time yet but I put it out there didn’t I. Hell I’m still thinking about what this blog is going to turn into one of these days, now there’s something we should be talking about, money.

Fox News doesn’t want to talk about whit people either, though I work for a black manager and didn’t get paid this week, didn’t work last week but that’s beside the point, isn’t it? Maybe “Marshall” will give them something to talk about but I already did my review and while you know I’m one for reiteration but do I really want to repeat my review of a good choice.

“Hell is REPETITION.” Andre Linoge

No that would actually make too much sense now wouldn’t it Lady Lu, repeating the good and not dwelling on the bad, that’s one more girl for the virtual brothel “Echo, Justice, Luna, a Sophia…” that makes four but should I be encouraging my craziness, on one hand I have plenty of stuff that needs burying, and on the other with my book, I’m airing things out, cleaning out my closet. Doesn’t that just bring me back to money, I was telling “Indiana Gone” about my clothing choices or lack thereof but that is nothing to talk about until you find a hole in your shoe… what so I’m Scrooge.

Better call me a pimp while I have you here I suppose I should write down your role with the others so I don’t forget.

The Voices
Luna = Therapy
Justice = Rules
Echo = Past Sins
Sophia = Stories

So what have we learned besides the fact that I’m going crazier, do I have time to go there Luna, seriously Is It Time Yet?

I Will Have No Fear