Tag: Beloved

Tale 136 ~Virgil, The B Keeper~

WillLeave a comment

To be a Bee Keeper. For real? It came up when I saw a question the other day. Something about it: You can only buy things that begin with the first letter of your name. I’d always have women… Phrasing bro. But B? “Virgil, The B Keeper”

Tuesday, November 14, 2023

Tale 136 ~Virgil, The B Keeper~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… Like pancakes? Are we talking about the food or my son? It’s always about Braxton.

It’s still NaNoWriMo season. And was it in 2022? I wrote two novels about Braxton. Monday, as I was reading Matt Shaw’s book. I swear! It says in caps and everything on the cover. Ahem! “There Are No Happy Endings.” Anyway, last night I’ve been trying to… what, forget the ending? So sad? I have a few more books like that. Damn me for my Study. Man Cave? Somehow, even with my love of pop culture. I doubt games, girls (gasps), or even going out to see The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes will help me. But again, while finishing the story, I thought, “This is why I wrote my Braxton’s book,” hmm. What, do I want to forget him? Never, “my love!”

Books, what can I say? I don’t bash, ban, or burn them like some. At least the first part of that is a lie. There was a time… in this existence when I considered myself a critic. But there was also a time when I was Braxton’s Daddy. Which one was easier to give up, Honey? I’ll always be B’s Dad. But books? “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” Perhaps the better line would be, “I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser,” ha-ha. Leave it to Taylor Swift. Sorry, Beyoncé, but my son B has claimed King B. Somehow, my love, you’re still here, and I’m forever grateful. You love me. Yet I cry! One more morning, love.

I wish I could be all King Ezekiel. “And yet, I smile.” Hell! Don’t I? Even with all the BS? Again, my son is dead. We have our children who we love, but Braxton was my very own, my love. I didn’t give birth to him, but he was mine. People and their beliefs. Ridiculous? Like my business these days. I don’t make it a habit to call women, uh… something that starts with a B. I’m sort of like Robin Gardener that way. You know, out of another book, Satan’s Sorority Girls. For the record, I hope the next one’s out before December. Sigh. I keep books, Braxton’s things, and belief in Virgil. And I got you, babe. So yes, Virgil, The B Keeper.

1017 Days Without B III, Day 458 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 129 ~Virgil Will B Watching~

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I want to show I can be a GOOD person, well BETTER than I am. Wouldn’t I be lying with everything I do daily. But to the right person I can reveal all that I am. Am I’m glad “All Dogs Go to Heaven.” But there’s others books… Virgil Will B Watching

Tuesday, November 7, 2023

Tale 129 ~Virgil Will B Watching~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you. And I’m always trying to find ways to show you. That’s the keyword today, love. SHOW.

Like how B almost didn’t show up when I talked to Madam Justice yesterday, today, time travel can be complicated. Seeing as how today is Saturday, November 4, 2023, sigh. If only I could show you how bad things used to be. Hell! I can and will whenever you want. And that’s something you’ll always have over my firstborn… The Sharing. Yes, my love, that’s an Animorphs reference and something I never need to hide from you. I love you, our children, my boy, pop culture… Virgil? He’s watching and waiting, but we’ll get there. My point is that while I nearly forgot Braxton for a day. Sharing everything love… No! He was/is my kid. It’s wrong to you both to share nothing but grief.

The grief I have over losing him ain’t going away anytime soon. It’s been 1,010 days, my love. But whether it be me looking at pillows for Virgil, all these emails, or I don’t know. I only wanted to look at something other than another book, game, or MODEL employee. I love looking at you, but business is business. But with the two of us, “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing a goddam door?” No need to show the kids how they got here. There’s also what my big sister told me once… You don’t build a strip club next to a school. I wish I could see her and Braxton’s aunt again. What about M Anime? Do I really want to see… people?

Certain ones… yes. And you know what I said about books? How about I want to see a book I wrote on the shelves one day? I haven’t forgotten that it’s NaNoWriMo now. So my love… “Goodbye Love,” or rather, “Goodbye my love.” Rent and 300. I swear I’ve seen a bit of everything. And now I need to be seeing words. How about my wife happy? Our children, seeing a man they can look up to. And again, Virgil is looking for me to care. Frightened and terrified doesn’t count like with that cat or possum on the fence waiting. Still, I look to the stairs, thinking Braxton will come running down some way, somehow. Someday. I want to show him and you I’m okay. Virgil Will B Watching

1010 Days Without B III, Day 451 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 122 ~A MASK B, V~

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Do you want to see a ghost? Been there, done that. Do I want to see a zombie? It’s more like I want to see a lot more. And there’s also Animatronics. But there’s no need for a mask tonight. I’ll be staying in alone. Well, V’s here too. “A MASK B, V.”

Tuesday, October 31, 2023

Tale 122 ~A MASK B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you. It’s why I don’t hide anything from you. Why I hate myself. And I like Creed.

The movie? I’ve only seen the first. And parts of the second. But you know I’m talking about the band.

“If I had just one wish, only one demand

I hope he’s not like me, I hope he understands” ― With Arms Wide Open, Creed

I know it’s not a song having to do with Halloween. Happy Halloween! If I wasn’t in a messed up space right now. Hell! I should check where I was in 2021 and 2022, love. Messing around on Instagram and Facebook, I saw something about A Day of the Dead for fur babies on the 27th. Of course, I missed it. And now I’m reading up on the “official” Day of the Dead. But other than my firstborn son, who do I miss? I’m still cringing about how I stunk up my granddaddy’s funeral. Worse than his corpse? That’s not cool to say, I know.

Then again, I make you lie with a corpse every night. Two, if I’m being honest with Braxton’s remains on the nightstand. You’re the only one who loves the Dead as much as me. (Swoons). Maybe that should be your Halloween costume this year… Trinity. Because the man you love would be The One. Which means that I can’t be dead. But even now, sigh. I want to be with my boy. At least that’s what my face tells me every morning I wake up. But, like most days, I put on a mask and have to become someone else. And that’s the difference between my two boys. Braxton showed me who I could be. Virgil shows what I’ve become. Then you and our family…

Today should be… easier. I get to put on a mask, but even now. To be scary, not too scary. In a minute, I’ll burst out with Mulan’s “Reflection.” Mulan and Shang? That’s an idea. And after today? If there was one thing I liked about COVID, it was the mask. I didn’t have to hate myself for these fake smiles. Oh, I did mention I killed Braxton Barks, hmm. I’ll hide behind books so people can treat me like it’s school, always and forever. “Daddy’s tired.” How many times have I heard you say that as I lie, crying into a pillow? How many days has it been, 1,003? Did we buy candy? I’ve had a sugar crash for days. A MASK B, V

1003 Days Without B III, Day 444 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 115 ~To B Beloved Virgil~

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The look of love is in your eyes. A reason I don’t have a mirror over the bed. I’m not that freaky. I’d never see it unless I found B III… um, Virgil, a mom. It has never been a love for me; it’s love for someone else, B, V. To B Beloved Virgil.

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Tale 115 ~To B Beloved Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you. I can confidently (ha-ha) say that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. That’s scary, right…

Another reason I love money so much. Yes, I’m going to keep it ninety-two plus eight, babe. “My” Olds never taught me to love myself. But keeping me, myself, and I alive takes money. I’m thirty-nine and still thinking about “my” E-Day. One too many, sigh. Anyway, to love myself. And that’s in a keep-my-pants-on sort of way. I don’t think I ever will. Braxton, though, got the closest. I love him so much that I know my biological imperative. Love, you know I will indulge in my pop culture tendencies. Several, I’m afraid. As Haymitch Abernathy told Katniss… “Stay Alive.” That was my B III whenever I went out. Or, as Max said in Fury Road… “So I exist in this wasteland, reduced to one instinct: survive. I do

Two little words from the three I tell you all the time. I love you; I do. Just keep breathing. I did that for Braxton. And I do it for you every day. Take this morning for example. I saw this thing when They asked when do you feel the most STUPID. It’s opening my eyes. Hell! A “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” It’s STUPID, too. But you know why I feel that way. Because I hate myself and like most things, I do, if for everyone else. Love and Hate, which both require me to live. And as the song goes, “Why do the things I hate come so naturally?” I hate myself to love Braxton, you, our family.

Geez! I sound so much like, um… a specific political party. I don’t love my critic but care enough to censor myself. Now I’m sitting in bed, wanting to make the list. “Someone You Loved.” I’m still talking to myself because I know you love me, somehow. And Virgil does, too… Why don’t I ask you? How I could love myself, baby girl. Last night, I dreamt about the old Day Job and how I would have felt if I lost it. Hell! I watched my firstborn die, and in his eyes, was his Daddy. I couldn’t even close them. Punishment I needed to see. Beloved, how I long to see a better man in your eyes someday. But how, love? To B Beloved Virgil

996 Days Without B III, Day 437 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will