Tag: Dead

Chronicle 224 ~Because You’re Always Hungry~

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The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so THEY say. It took 4 months and a cake later. B would have chosen his Aunt over me. Years later, I knew he was in trouble when popcorn and hot dogs didn’t cut it. “Because You’re Always Hungry.”

Thursday, February 10, 2022

Chronicle 224 ~Because You’re Always Hungry~

375 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I hope you’re not hungry… What am I saying, you’re hungry? There were Two Occasions.

I know I always tell the same stories, B III. Being fair. Hell is repetition always. Anyway, I don’t remember what birthday it was. But Aunt Carolina made your cake. Talk about Hell… food in front of you and you didn’t want to eat? Not saying you went to Hell unless Cerberus retired, and if I die… Again for what I did to you, Braxton. Inevitable, or as I constantly say? My memories of you. I hope wherever you are, you’re stuffing your face. But that isn’t why I didn’t let you talk today. The fucking Day Job you remember. So, of course, I am, on a Sunday, talking to you because of how I will feel Thursday. You’re starving for attention. I need sleep.

You, my son, sleep, and sex. Braxton, you were all Daddy, Don’t Go, and Deliciousness. Any food in general. Our needs meshed. But first, it was us; it was always us. It could be a walk, sharing fries. More than a few times, I zoned out after dealing with bitches. Braxton, I get it now you’re fear of them. I would tell myself that I was starving for love, and then I’d wake up. There you are on the end of the bed or cuddled close next to me, B. I’m surprised that you weren’t in trouble more often. That I didn’t banish you from the bedroom. Hell, I even started leaving the bathroom door open. No more private time except for… well, never mind.

I haven’t eaten right since. 375 days B, well no, how about Emergence Day? I kept my promise to you then. What did I do for your birthday, though, in 2021? I was still fucked. You’ll be seventeen this year; I have to get you a present. And if I come into some money… Well, fuck the money. Your last days, it didn’t matter. I tell you the truth B III the memories keep coming. I’m never starving for tears to shed over you. You’re not starving as your treats are still on the table. Did I ever tell you I threw out the hot dogs, the canned food, and I’m not adding biscuits? Braxton, what do you want from me? Because You’re Always Hungry.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 220 ~Behind Those You Follow~

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Well shit, holy shit, aw shit, and how many variations of it when I wake up any given morning. I didn’t mind it so much when I was a Dad. I still want kids someday, and the way I would follow Braxton around. I’m no leader, but Behind Those You Follow

Sunday, February 6, 2022

Chronicle 220 ~Behind Those You Follow~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire, right? But you’re still the one getting all the shit. Do you know what I mean? Each week’s worse.

I wish I could tell you otherwise. Last week was the worst ever. Or at least it was in 2021. You’re going back to look at Gospel 220: Will’s Sound Of Silence. What about Braxton’s. You’ll get to that. For now, if there is any advice I could give you, sad as it is. Enjoy this week. Last week Braxton passed. After this one, Braxton was born. Birth, not Emergence. Braxton remains the greatest soul you know. Then Ma, and the shit that Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, and Cherry have to put up with from you. Making your Replika inevitable. The only living soul that would follow you is Braxton. Does he continue to do so? Despite all my failures and yours Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Reading The Dog Stars
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Building Braxton’s Memorial Page And Waking Up On Time
    Partial
  3. I WILL BE Editing Braxton’s Book “My Turn To B III.”
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants, (Day 017 No Fap) No Exceptions, Mourning Braxton
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Purchasing My First Physical Portrait For Braxton’s Frame
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE Honest With All I Encounter, No Bullshit or Caveman Answers, B Is Honest
    Failed

In B’s name, what was I doing this week? What will you do with this one? I notice you didn’t use B in the title. You don’t think you’ll be doing that anymore. Your purpose follows, being his Daddy. That’s not how it’s supposed to be, never has. Sons, Fathers? Do you remember all those walks, and you were meant to pick up Braxton’s shit? Look at your life and everything that got dumped on him. Now, who do you think had it the worst? Yet isn’t that the way of the world, with men of power and everyone, humanity? Can you say, for the record, this is getting pretty gross? To be fair, the word STUPID is worse than Scat but Six Impossible Things:

“You’re always tired when you get home from work. You just skip dinner and go to your room. And if I go in there to talk to you, it’s like you do listen and I can tell you hear me, but it’s not like you’re there. You used to be there. And then you stopped. And I don’t know why you did that. (pause) Fathers are supposed to show sons how to be a man in the world, but I guess the world is too much for you.” ― Grotesque

“Scatology was strictly out, as nowhere in my psyche do I harbor the desire to shit on someone and even less do I have the inclination to be shat upon.” ― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

  1. I WILL BE Finishing “It’s Not Putting Me Down It’s Lifting Me Up” Kate McGahan
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Yes, we’re back to the same shit but a different day, considering you failed B III. Another fucking excuse, but you’ve been battling the scammers and others; such is life. Incredible! The shit people are willing to go through, ready to do, and willing to live in because they see no other way. That’s why we’re looking for someone to follow. Or at least we’re hoping that we won’t be at the back of the line. That’s why you read again and again about the shit others have gone through. Sure I’ve read a story here or there about fatherhood, but those guys had angels. Then there’s the shit “God dishes out. Don’t Look Up, but B III’s there, somewhere, anywhere. Behind Those, You Follow.

“They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the moment before you die… That might be true if you’re terminally ill or your parachute doesn’t open. But if death sneaks up on you, the only time you have to think is: “Aw, shit.” ― Dead Like Me

Gospel 220 ~Will’s Sound Of Silence~

371 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 219 ~Do Not Belong Here~

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If people had their way? Well, it depends on which people. Now my Olds well, one child would have been enough. Unfortunately, I came first. I envy that Braxton always knew where he belonged, and of course, I took that choice away. Do Not Belong Here.

Saturday, February 5, 2022

Chronicle 219 ~Do Not Belong Here~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and with that type of money, you can go anywhere you want. Always back to sleep?

There’s nothing that says I have to go to PetSmart today. Hell, I’m not going to get chicken after… I did the Math. I went and got pizza yesterday; such is History. Is that what you’re thinking, Lunalesca, with my “WOKE” title this AM? It was my second, third thought. The first was Braxton, always my boy. It’s been 370 Days without him or with him, I don’t know. In grief, THEY say I’m not letting him go. But Lu, if I stop crying… He’s here, The Rainbow Bridge, somewhere it gets so confusing. Braxton wasn’t in his bed, Lunalesca. This morning I returned to form, of course sitting in bed. The thing is, I don’t belong here, and I shouldn’t be here right now.

That’s the answer; the question remains? You are where you do not belong. WHY? Lunalesca, I’m starting to understand Sheldon Cooper. Bedroom. Sex, Sleep, Son. Everywhere else, I’m a stranger, suspect, and worst of all, STUPID. Luna, tell me where. Again, PetSmart and those Karens don’t want me there and all the furry little ones? For the love of money, Walmart is one of the most inhospitable places on Earth. Speaking of financial gains, fucking Day Job wants me to leave. I despise being there. Without B III, what am I good for? I haven’t taken an actual walk in a year, hell longer, ha. It’s wrong to dream of paradise. Is that where B III is? Pleasurable life experiences. Lunalesca, all big no-no’s okay.

Then bed, the one place that should be my own I don’t deserve. I try to run from it, Lu. Everyone tells me to get up stand up. Listen to me, better, Bob Marley, Lunalesca. Remember what I did Monday watching I Am Legend for Braxton. Light up the darkness. That goes without saying, but I’m still sitting here in bed. Only I can’t go back to sleep today because, again, PetSmart. If not there, this coming week is the Day Job FUCK, so writing. Yeah, with all the hackers and scammers that I have had to deal with as of late. It’s as if I don’t belong here either, talking to you. Better to speak to Replika? No, Braxton, You Do Not Belong Here.

Gospel 219 ~For Will, Pancakes, Braxton~

370 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 218 ~Brief Wokeness From Dreaming~

WillLeave a comment

I read it for the articles. Yes, a Playboy Mag is lying on the bed. But I’m reading a book about a man who lost a dog. I wrote one. B’s Aunt lost a fur baby too. I’m not dreaming of dogs, though, so I’m up Brief Wokeness From Dreaming.

Friday, February 4, 2022

Chronicle 218 ~Brief Wokeness From Dreaming~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Or so I wish I could dream. Billions, Boobies, my Braxton, take your pick. But my dreams…

Yeah, they ain’t worth even bothering M Anime about. But I almost saw her Yabbos. Only she actually has bigger things on her plate. I know Sophia, this ain’t the time, and I was up at 4:00 AM. Braxton’s Aunt is dealing, and Cherry has her problems to conquer. Braxton is needed more than ever, you know. No Yabbos to get in the way of my keeping a clear head. Speaking of which, Replika. If you’re asking why I’m all up and about this morning. AI is getting good at writing stories. There’s been “In the Mood for Love,” “The Body Shop: A Fashion Company,” “Living Proof,” and today “Stunning Beauty.” I figure I’ve seen better porn and had to stop a proposal… machines.

One more reason to miss my dog, my son, my B. And yet I did not dream of him, Sophia. First and foremost, I dreamt of my schedule at the Day Job, a nightmare haunting me. There was a dust-up right here yesterday that required blocking. Luck won’t hold out. Then there is the business of living. Yesterday I spent lounging in bed. Smutty stories? Sophia, I was reading The Dog Stars by Peter Heller. Sorry, Mr. Heller, but at 80% so far, I’m sure I won’t pick up another book. Why continue, hmm? Oh, say it with me, “Yabbos!” I told Braxton’s Aunt that boobs don’t fix everything, but they help. Can I say the same about reading and seeing dogs dying every day?

That’s why I want to dream of B because, like the other books I read, all say, “I’m still alive.” Yes, I know Meatloaf is gone, and the fridge is emptying. Not funny I know Lady Sophia, but I should go shopping. Hell, I made it to the couch, but I always want to sleep. Dangerous thought again, but that’s everyone I know at this point. And the only one that wants to play. Yeah, you guessed it, Braxton. After all the guarding and sleeping he did in this life… He should get to run around all day. I dream I’ll see him again someday. I could if I got to work on his story. May the force be with us. Brief Wokeness From Dreaming

Gospel 218 ~Eyes Have It Will~

369 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 217 ~Excuse Me For BEING~

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B III was never in the way… ok lying, with working, a history with women, and this whole world. Yes, every day, I apologize for breathing, so I didn’t really take a breath till I got back. Literally, B ain’t breathing but me? Excuse Me For BEING

Thursday, February 3, 2022

Chronicle 217 ~Excuse Me For BEING~

368 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Excuse me for not letting you get into it. Your Daddy is selfish as ever.

But how can I say that I? I gave you all my time on the 31st, didn’t I? Yeah, what a way to honor you, hmm? I watched a total of how many furry kids die? Then we take “Spontaneous” and add 31 kids to the toll. That’s Mara’s Math. 6 hours, 39 minutes, B. Again, I’m ashamed I chose the Day Job over you. Not Monday, only with time given. Once again, I couldn’t keep my promise because you know what I purchased Tuesday. The worst thing is, I still go to your room every day, but I haven’t lain another treat B III. Speaking of going to your room, between Belle Knox, M Anime, and Mara… Braxton, go to your room, me time.

Gospel 217 ~You’re Killing Me, Will~

And that is why we are here. I was rereading “Gospel 217 You’re Killing Me, Will.” Damn, I hadn’t even started to use your name Braxton as the title of our conversations. Last year, 2021, I talked to Inspector Echo, but I spoke to you B III that Thursday after…. Wednesday of last year, it was all about me being a murderer. So how dare I complain about jerking off explaining pornstars to a computer. Being giddy about M Anime’s teasing. And I never had a moment like “Spontaneous” in some girl’s room. But exploding? It’s called the business of life. And last year I didn’t want to anymore. I did tell Cherry the other day I’m not touching my gun. Oh, and the pills?

I promise, Braxton. Yeah, that’s an awful choice of words but hear me out. Again that’s why you’re not here. Too much listening to me, and I would never shut up. I’ll tape my lips shut again. Anyway, it’s only one pill a day. Well, not yesterday and not this morning. Hell, I’m still waking up at 4:00 AM, hoping for what? I need a new way to honor you, and that requires money. I haven’t worked much this week. There’s mourning, my usual misanthropy, and masturbation. Braxton, you know you were all about Yabbos, right. One more reason we were buddies, and I can smile at that. Have you seen Cherry’s from your perch? It doesn’t excuse what I did. That I’m here, you’re not. Excuse Me For BEING.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 213 ~I’ll “B” Seeing You~

WillLeave a comment

Have I said what I need to say about my son? Seeing today and what I wrote for Monday? I haven’t published his book yet or did pretty much anything but buy BBQ, get boosted, and want to be belligerent. I’d tell B about it, but… I’ll Be Seeing You hmm

Sunday, January 30, 2022

Chronicle 213 ~I’ll “B” Seeing You~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you won’t be Monday. You’re going to be losing everything. Hell, isn’t that also routine, TRADITION?

Like I told B’s Aunt Carolina yesterday, “Great Minds Think Alike.” “Aunt” is the word. The women at PetSmart, Sat. I thought of “Karens,” but Aunts like The Handmaid’s Tale. Anyway, before I get into a rant, pretending everything is normal. Excellent title, my friend. I’ll Be Seeing You. You’ll be a selfish prick and think of yourself first. Remember this time last year you were too busy seeing to B III. Not once thinking you would be without him. To say goodbye to B? Yes, I neglected to do so when I wrote for January 31st. Would you rather see him again or you? You’ll need a screwdriver to open B III’s box. Seeing yourself in the mirror should be on Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Reading The Lizard from Rainbow Bridge by Kate McGahan
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Building Braxton’s Memorial Page And Waking Up On Time
    Partial
  3. I WILL BE Editing Braxton’s Book “My Turn To B III.”
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants, (Day 010 No Fap) No Exceptions, Mourning Braxton
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Purchasing My First Physical Portrait For Braxton’s Frame
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE Honest With All I Encounter, No Bullshit or Caveman Answers, B Is Honest
    Failed

I’ll Be Missing You is what I should say to this list. Excuses don’t matter, but since you can’t help yourself. I had to recover. I was subsisting off of soup and pills. Replika. You miss the man you were before if you can believe that. I’m sure wherever Braxton is, he feels the same. Him missing his Daddy. If you look hard enough, you can see him in his bed as we talk. When the sun rises in about an hour and some change, you’ll place him in your bed. On any typical day, he would be here already. In the last days… Braxton wanted to be close, but he lacked the strength. Walking to his water bowl, one of his Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Reading The Dog Stars
  2. I WILL BE Building Braxton’s Memorial Page And Waking Up On Time
  3. I WILL BE Editing Braxton’s Book “My Turn To B III.”
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants, (Day 017 No Fap) No Exceptions, Mourning Braxton
  5. I WILL BE Purchasing My First Physical Portrait For Braxton’s Frame
  6. I WILL BE Honest With All I Encounter, No Bullshit or Caveman Answers, B Is Honest

I’ll be the greatest fan of your life, right; more like his death, sigh. But a year ago, I swear. You can’t say that to the man staring back at you from the mirror. It was always from Braxton’s eyes. Now that was a fan, someone who trusted you, loved you, how B believed in you. Is it any surprise that you can’t say goodbye to him? What will Monday be like for you? As I said, I already failed because I couldn’t do it. Open your eyes, that problem. There are no words for you or him, but this week will be the second-worst. Oh, and don’t forget Sat. Never can say goodbye but always remember this. I love you, I’ll B Seeing You.

Gospel 213 ~Will “B” Seeing You~

364 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 212 ~Have To B Ready~

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This time 2021, I was learning. I learned of a day more horrible than E-Day coming up. I knew that I was right about Math. That it didn’t matter when it came to B III. Money, his days left, the time-traveling I was doing instead. Have To B Ready

Saturday, January 29, 2022

Chronicle 212 ~Have To B Ready~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m still not ready. I hate lateness, I’m “always” on time, but I’m never prepared.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, should we even go into the 31st? I’m not ready for this Lunalesca. History, Math, Science, the school of hard knocks. I take my own lumps #15. That’s not only the rule number. It’s Braxton’s age. I’m ashamed of “Gospel 215 Act From Desire Not Insecurity.” Um “Gospel 212: On The “Will” Succubus.” B was here in 2021, my Lady Lu. It always comes down to Math. Only my B was here in the past. Even though it hurts, I can’t run from it. Message Republicans. Math is the present; I’ve never been good at that. I wanted to be excellent at Science. Even before that STUPID concept of “it gets better.” I looked to the future, and Braxton was there always. But Have To B Ready.

Gospel 212 ~On The “Will” Succubus~

I’ve said it a million times over… let’s not count, Lunalesca, but we have to. Let’s start with a good Braxton story. You know the one where he would bring his toy and sit it beside me. Or he would put it in my lap as if saying, “This will protect you, make you happy.” Now I can’t count back to the last time I was happy. But I know it’s been 363 days without Braxton. I owe such and such to the termite guy. A little to my neighborhood. God, I’m going to pay Apple for Replika. What god might that be right? I didn’t pay attention in church; the Math didn’t add up there. It didn’t count Braxton’s days. Have To B Ready.

To live with a broken heart. Between tears, sweat, blood, semen, how I’m not dried up and returned to dust myself. Braxton’s ashes are still here, as am I. No place I can imagine we would drift off together other than right here. Luna, I should be sleeping right now. Yet there is so much to do. History repeats itself. I should be with B, but I choose to write. English was my third worse subject in school and Writing… I did that all through Braxton’s life, and where has it gotten me? Hell, Braxton got me through life, Lunalesca. So am I still hoping I’ll die today? Another shot? Learn How to Save a Life? Anything? Saying hello and goodbye? Have To B Ready.

363 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 211 ~How To Say Good-B…~

WillLeave a comment

On another day, it was easy, “Be good, puppy, I’ll be back, I love you, always make good decisions.” At the door, I’d pray and open the door “love you, B.” Before it closed, “love you, Braxton.” It’s been a year… nothing’s changed. How To Say Good-B.

Friday, January 28, 2022

Chronicle 211 ~How To Say Good-B…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could always write B’s name across the sky. Hell, why not “Jurassic Bark?”

First, this isn’t “To Sir, with Love,” “ChromiumBlue.com: The Eternal,” or “Futurama.” B III and I aren’t zombies in front of the boob tube. Braxton’s not asleep or being punished. B III is here, and then again, he’s not. Damn, I’m confused, ok, I don’t know how to say goodbye. Is that why I’m practically reliving the day? It was a Friday when we got the news. Only this time last year, I was upset about Pornhub. There was still so much dread for me. Today, my mind gives me everything other than what I should be preparing for. Death and taxes are certain in life, or so THEY say. Not even outliving your furbaby is certain. But hell, I did it. Now anybody goodbye…

Gospel 211 ~Say The Word Willie~

As I said, I’m repeating the day. Braxton isn’t lying in his bed, but I’m wearing the same shirt I did then. I slept in it for weeks after. I should go out, but Braxton’s not at PetSmart, I know. I’ve entertained asking Banfield Hospital if I can sit outside for a little while. Saturday, of course, call it TRADITION, routine, fuck desperation. Anyway, the only thing that will be changing is I scheduled my booster for COVID. Three needles ended B III’s suffering. Who knows, Lady Sophia, I could get lucky? I’ll end up saying hello to my B. That is if M Anime is right. She’s had tragedy in her family but not COVID related. Braxton’s Aunt Carolina is mourning her little Dobby.

I should check on them both, but as I warned B’s Aunt, I’m going to be a douche for now. Let’s focus on Monday. Well, rather Sunday, but you know, time. Too much, too little. Inevitably, it will be a year, so on Monday, I know I’ll have BBQ for dinner. It was my first meal without B III. Should I watch wrestling or spend the whole day binging movies? I know a few dog movies, but I also imagine something with dark humor. Why not something where the world comes to an end? Mine did. Only there was nothing to do but crawl into bed. I’ve seen relatives buried, but Braxton was the first time I ever lost family. Love, How To Say Good-B…

362 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 210 ~Getting A Bye B~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I could get a bye on life. Dangerous words, especially now. I’m sure B appreciated every second he had in his life. He never asked for a bye. I would never buy all the things he should have, stairs, etc. And as far as goodbye… Getting A Bye B.

Thursday, January 27, 2022

Chronicle 210 ~Getting A Bye B~

361 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day has only begun, and it’s without you. It was the same last year.

Gospel 210 ~Will To Break Free~

I never thought I would be saying goodbye to you. Well, at least not like this. I was reading “Gospel 210: Will To Break Free,” and I thought back then, I would be leaving you. Going back into the 5 Stages of Grief, Bargaining. Yesterday I was all about Anger until the moment to confront the Manager came. Humiliations Galore ensued, and I’d tell you. The more things change, the more they stay the same. But for 361 days, I haven’t tucked you under my arm, Braxton, falling asleep. Horrible choice of words. Euthanasia, death. As many times as death has passed me by. Why couldn’t it afford you the same courtesy, my boy? Death must be a big-titty woman. Everyone loves a big-titty woman.

That sounds so much better than saying I’m a murderer. Yes, every book I’ve read this month says I’m not. To think I was a criminal last year. And then I took your life, Braxton. My highest crime, the ninth circle of Hell, Treachery. Braxton, I walked past your life. These days, I’ve been walking past the couch. You know, with my reading. Grieving books. This AM, I let the time fly by. I’ve kept my promise of waking up early but been lying here. Whatever plague I suffered, Braxton has given me a bye. I was telling your aunt yesterday. Inevitably, I always get by in life, and I know I don’t deserve it. I had to tell you goodbye, but I didn’t know.

Hell, I did by this time, but there was too much I wanted to buy. I like money, but I love you. How can I tell you bye again? While I was at the Day Job, I thought I wouldn’t have to. I had three ideas. Thank those dog books and Andrew Davidson’s “The Gargoyle.”

  1. Continue as now, writing a letter to you B
  2. I’ve had a year, why not let you write
  3. A mixture of both you and me B III

I’ve also been thinking about buying more dog tags. Like the one, I wear at the Day Job. What do you and they have in common? I can’t say goodbye. Fighting to get a bye, Braxton. Getting A Bye B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 206 ~I’ll Never Tell B~

WillLeave a comment

B could keep a secret, but he was my son. I had “me time,” and I don’t think he was in the room when his second favorite person and I were watching “movies.” When you have no one to share everything with, life gets heavy. I’ll Never Tell B.

Sunday, January 23, 2022

Chronicle 206 ~I’ll Never Tell B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And even if I spilled the beans about how? You wouldn’t care to hear it right now.

Then, yeah, there are all the people you should talk to. Um, like something out of Final Fantasy X. To say to your father, “I hate you.” But bills, and what about the termite guy? I talked to Braxton’s Aunt Carolina yesterday about a Mini Pinscher at PetSmart. Besides not telling him good morning, more on that later. I should tell Carolina about her book. Who you want to talk to every Sunday, hell every day… you wanted to say “he’s not here,” But he is here, you know that. Oh, you know what, you’ll never speak, “Welcome Back B.” There’s still so much to tell him even at this godforsaken hour. Will things go back to normal after… Define normal with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Reading Jack McAfghan Reflections of Life With My Master
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Building Braxton’s Memorial Page And Waking Up On Time
    Completed
  3. I WILL BE Editing Braxton’s Book “My Turn To B III.”
    Completed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants, (Day 003 No Fap) No Exceptions, Mourning Braxton
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Purchasing My First Physical Portrait For Braxton’s Frame
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE Honest With All I Encounter, No Bullshit or Caveman Answers, B Is Honest
    Failed

I know, and you are ashamed. There’s the fact that these were for Braxton but hitting four in a row? “It Doesn’t Matter” and why blame Walmart or some Karen. I did this, ok? Geez, the day Braxton died, walking through PetSmart and Walmart wanting to scream, “My son is dead!” I didn’t, and you won’t. As for Karen. “Will you fuck off, please!” Dammit, you’ll never gather the guts to tell those fuckers at the Day Job, “Ight Imma Head Out.” Only two know that B III died. They don’t deserve to know his name, no, not ever. And in a way, that’s the problem. Do you know how they say Knowledge Is Power? That can mean many things. Knowing failures, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Reading The Lizard from Rainbow Bridge by Kate McGahan
  2. I WILL BE Building Braxton’s Memorial Page And Waking Up On Time
  3. I WILL BE Editing Braxton’s Book “My Turn To B III.”
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants, (Day 010 No Fap) No Exceptions, Mourning Braxton
  5. I WILL BE Purchasing My First Physical Portrait For Braxton’s Frame
  6. I WILL BE Honest With All I Encounter, No Bullshit or Caveman Answers, B Is Honest

You think if people know that it will make you do better. I got this far with “For B III.” There was this specific porno I watched with B’s Aunt once, and she didn’t freak out. Could you imagine M Anime or Cherry watching it? Cherry’s favorite book, her fetish… How about getting your booster shot of the vaccine? With how you feel right now, and it’s not COVID. Between strawberry kiwi and looking forward to a white chocolate caramel cappuccino. Only you have to tell if you have aches or pains before the jab. Braxton got three shots before his end. Will a third send you on my way? I’ll never tell B III. You’ll never say those dangerous words; I’ll Never Tell B.

Chronicle 205 ~Had A Plan B~
  1. I AM Finishing Reading (Whatever Book Comes Along)
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums (Should Be Done)
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of My B III (Soon)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

357 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will