Tag: Jokes

Tale 057 ~Honey, B, Broke Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not a philosopher or a scientist. I’ve heard the world can end if a butterfly flaps its wings. Or if the bees die off. But if a panel falls off the fence, my best friend dies, or I get a year older. I swear, Honey, B, Broke Virgil.

Sunday, August 27, 2023

Tale 057 ~Honey, B, Broke Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now… This means what happened yesterday, always, and in a week, and some change shouldn’t bother you. But…

Braxton? Always and forever? I swear, he would have liked how much… “Pride,” ha. Nope! That’s the wrong word. What’s the only reason you’ll work in the backyard? Like I did; now say it with me. FEAR! Humiliations Galore, when it comes to the neighbors. Or when it comes to keeping V safe. He ain’t your son, but he is your responsibility. Ain’t that right? Responsibility? Your Olds would get a kick out of that, but you’ll get there today. Yesterday, what the Hell happened? What had you having nightmares and up at 4 a.m.? Well… I was working in the backyard and got the back gate cleared… But one of the wood panels fell off. Your existence… making things worse like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon: A Reverse Portal Fantasy
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 023 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 030 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yep, I almost crapped my pants… eww! And somehow, you’ve kept your pants… for now. A few Instagram models and some minutes spent on X/Twitter. To spend money on some girl. And today, you’ll have to get out of bed and buy Virgil some food. Yeah, that’s my fault. Too busy thinking about the funds you’ll need for E-Day. Well, future you anyway. And didn’t you say that’s coming soon enough? Unlike some “adult fun.” There’s always time for that. It’s like freaking drug addiction. The earth without the bees. Everything falls apart. Well, for you. It was one particular B —better Braxton than women. Or at least it’s been 30 days. And how many Yabbos have I seen? Better focus on Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING When Pets Pass Away: A Helpful Guide to… by Emily McQuinn
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 030 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Only you won’t because of one word. Okay, four in particular… E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. My advice to you… Evolve. I’m sure your Olds would like that. But isn’t it far too late? You’ll be thirty-nine, as you know. One more week and some days. And again, how much will you need to “Celebrate?” If the Olds don’t call, perhaps. Braxton’s Aunt won’t text. It’s not like you’ll see M Anime’s Yabbos. Cherry won’t know. And paying for some Honey? What is this, the 90’s? It would have been much better if you hadn’t made it this far. You wouldn’t continue grieving for Braxton. And Virgil would be Safe and Sound elsewhere. Instead of with a lustful, lacking loser like you. Honey, B, Broke Virgil.

938 Days Without B III, Day 379 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 050 ~Virgil Voices Concerns, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

If Virgil talked… He’d be me. Be quiet and cry when he’s alone. And appreciate what’s on the screen. If a bit racist. I hate Braxton’s silence but like the song, “Funny when you’re dead, how people start listenin.'” “Virgil Voices Concerns, Braxton.”

Sunday, August 20, 2023

Tale 050 ~Virgil Voices Concerns, Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now… Hey! Are you even listening to me? No wonder you listened to that Meditation on loneliness. Anyway…

You need to start listening to V. And then what? As it says in The Road, “Even if you knew what to do, you wouldn’t know what to do.” A puking dog needs a veterinarian. Hell! That was a couple of weeks ago. But then again, Little B’s been gone for 931 days. And he was crying his heart out for a day, and then there wasn’t another sound. Meal? Nothing! That’s the telltale sign. Isn’t it? There’s a song that goes to the tune of “Nothing hurts like your mouth, mouth, mouth.” And that’s why Braxton isn’t speaking to me. Virgil is too afraid to. And then there’s the song you woke up to this morning, “Stop Crying Your Heart Out.” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 2, Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 023 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

You’re thinking you need a bigger list. Hell! A bigger boat, considering you might need somewhere to exist come E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Tomorrow? Please! Monday will be hard enough. And E-Day isn’t that soon, but it’s coming fast. Did you have to use words like hard, fast, and coming? Yeah, earlier today… You don’t want to listen to yourself, but learning to speak Japanese via Twitter isn’t helping anything. Ijirare Fukushuu Saimin, Seika Jogakuin Kounin Sao Ojisan, Himawari wa Yoru ni Saku. But aren’t you always saying, “This Is America.” Such languages. There’s also Riley Steele and Sydney Sweeney. It was a busy morning, if not very productive. And even the book you’re reading… Uh, “Backyard Dungeon: A Reverse Portal Fantasy.” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon: A Reverse Portal Fantasy
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 023 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Will you even finish it considering the possible “prejudice” Nictors? Anyway, your critic will go all in on your lack of a detailed train of thought. Or you’re all depressed. You’re a deviant. That’s your mind. And that’s the point here —your voice, words… thoughts. You’ll listen to everyone else this week but not yourself. It’s why you don’t fix your face as your Old Man would say. What’s the point? And that’s why V is just like you, ha-ha. He only cries when no one can see him, but they hear him… all the time. But what about you? Is that why Braxton is quiet? You need to hear the new guy. He’s in front of you, as am I. Virgil Voices Concerns, Braxton.

931 Days Without B III, Day 372 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 043 ~Gotcha V, B’s Joking~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Gotcha Day… I wonder if V knows? And I’m sure a trip to the groomer was not in his plans today. I’m sure there are better ways to celebrate. Yeah, out of the frying pan and into the fire. It won’t be so bad. I’m not so bad. Gotcha V, B’s Joking

Sunday, August 13, 2023

Tale 043 ~Gotcha V, B’s Joking~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And then you wake up and see it was all a joke. Hate laughing, smiling, funny face.

For several reasons, but today is not about you… Or is it? First things first, today is Gotcha Day. One year ago, you chose to spend your life… well, his life spent with you. Archie. His name is Virgil Vivi Bradford now. He’s two years old, but again, one of those years was spent with you. If he could have made the choice… Life, um, existence can be one big joke sometimes. Often. And you don’t even have that Jim Kelly, AKA Williams, idea of defeat. “I’ll be too busy looking good.” No. You looked in the mirror this morning. Virgil, this is your… the hell if I know. But a year ago, you told yourself a joke, you know. “That’s Braxton!” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pawprints on the Heart: Healing From
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 016 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Hell! Braxton should have made the list. Then, you would have three out of six. Yesterday, I got four out of four regarding pornographic passions. Right? God knows I wasn’t writing. I worried, so… Konbini Shoujo Z, Alison Angel, “Maxine ASMR Let Me Draw You…” Yesterday was a joke to existence. And it’s enough to make you laugh, as if you might change things. You know. Listen to Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror.” Change? Joking yet again. And it doesn’t seem right. No, not today. Like ever being happy, picturing this time last year, well? Aren’t you glad I made Virgil Vivi a folder? Seeing a file that isn’t all about Yabbos occasionally is nice. Memories for Gotcha Day. A few. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined (A book behind?)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The last day you were a father… a daddy was Sunday, January 31, 2021, at approximately 3:46 PM. And on Saturday, August 13, 2022, you thought… “Braxton, I found him!” Reincarnation, 2:05 PM. You thought you were finding that “it’s not quite paradise. But it sure feels like home.” That’s how things were with Braxton. Existence is a bad joke. Braxton was how I handled the heckle —now, being here with Virgil. It’s not funny. Sunday again, don’t you laugh, smile, or make a funny face? It’s only one foot in front of the other. And then what? I’m sure I’ll be finding out with E-Day coming up. Or, M Anime kicking your butt. “It’s not so bad,” Braxton thought once. Gotcha V, B’s Joking

924 Days Without B III, Day 365 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Log 140 ~She Loves You Not Title~

WillLeave a comment

I’m a BOSS, well not yet, I’m an author, not that either, a family man, well does my dog count and the occasional call from my mother when I “mess up” and as far as anyone else? She Loves You Not Title, but what am I now

Monday, November 18, 2019

Log 140 ~She Loves You Not Title~

Hundred And Eleventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that shouldn’t matter, right? You know I’m not a prince, I could see myself shouting I’m King Of The World though. Between you and me, I know I’ll never be president. One of my motivations says, work hard, play hard, stay humble. When I get married, I still plan on dancing to that song, Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Now with all this out there, today I’m Will, and I’m still learning how that’s enough, it has to be Madam Justice.

You know every Sunday I say I’m going to be a better father but am I? My dæmon is eating, he’s warm and comfy, and takes his meds. Okay, so my father would throw money at his family, does that make him the “man of the year?” When it comes to my mom, I don’t have a clue what she thinks about me these days. It could be that I’m not much of a man because of Rockford. Sooner or later, I’ll finally write down the whole story of Indiana Gone’s wedding, not tonight, though. Yeah, momma, look at me, my significant accomplishments this evening? I wrote 1,200 words for the novel, I got Alpha in TWD, and I didn’t get fired. Speaking of which do you remember some time ago, I told you or one of the girls about Chris Pratt and Passengers. SIGH as the song goes, that’s how you know you messed up, still being somewhat polite.

Am I explaining what this has to do with today’s rule, if anything, honestly? I can be a lot of things to a particular woman, but one I refuse to be is a clown. Strange that I still buy into that quote from Marilyn Monroe about making a woman laugh. Look, I’ll even go the whole gold digger route because you know I want my money. Still, I said I was leaving that girl alone, and bam there is today. Yes, excuse me for always assuming the worst of people, and the jury is still out. I only wish I could be sure about people, but I’m not even sure about my kid. Women love illusion, but if you recall when I was a kid, I wanted to be a comedian. Is a girl laughing at my truths or at the joke I may portray?

She Loves You Not Title.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 002 ~Do I Miss Ordinary~

WillLeave a comment

If the love given to me is ordinary I would instead value weird as everything, love isn’t meant to be ordinary, and if life in misery in ordinary than there is nothing worse, I want a different girl a strange type of woman. “Do I Miss Ordinary.”

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Episode 002 ~Do I Miss Ordinary~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to, and I would be lying if I said I have known ever fear and have found myself victorious because as much as I promise I’m Never Going Back Again I have days like today where I remember. Did I dare dream that once upon a time you were Just Another girl like the rest of them, you scared me like them, you could have been boring *gasp* and talk about twenty seconds of insane courage, my love.

Ordinary is sitting there watching them laughing at me, girls and maybe one day I’ll grow up and stop calling you all girls, I might not be a scared little boy. If anything I can’t call myself ordinary because you are Extraordinary. You deserve better from me. First I couldn’t look at ordinary anymore, but when it presented itself, with whispers and laughs, I wish I could say I didn’t waste my time, no if I couldn’t tell ordinary, to go to Hell how could I possibly be worthy of someone like you. I know I’m no prince to slay dragons though so many trials and tribulations and when I found you, so much for mediocre, or what was ordinary.

A girl is capable of making a man do the impossible, a good girl, even more, a woman, princess, queen, empress, goddess, shall I continue you made me capable of everything and anything. You made me let go of my hate today, as I said today I saw again who I was so long ago, even now I feel so pathetic and weak, and I didn’t know if my rage would consume me or my tears would drown me but being the person you are… The fact that I can never escape you and you don’t wish to be free from me, if it wasn’t my hate of them it was for myself, god my love for you transcends that of myself, but the fact remains I love myself, and that will never be ordinary.

I’m sure the dog misses his spot… he still gets bed space only a little less thankfully he is small, I miss the day like today where I could scream and yell at someone, I miss hate, I miss indifference, all ordinary and it shouldn’t be, it shouldn’t have been. Ordinary is me being a jester instead of a king; we can’t be ordinary; baby girl this is No Ordinary Love. Do I Miss Ordinary?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 360 ~A Fool For You~

WillLeave a comment

Name calling, I’m guilty as charged myself, but I will never be one to prescribe to the old rhyme of sticks and stones; my father had one particular name for me, and I refuse to feel that way, NEVER AGAIN. A Fool For You or someone probably

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Lesson 360 ~A Fool For You~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, well if I can make you laugh, I can make you do anything? I’m willing to do almost anything. You heard me right I said almost because I’m not *sigh* stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I’m A Fool For You all men are for their women, we can be idiots, hell I swore I’d figure you out someday, and here I am continuing to wonder Are You Into Me and why.

I’m not a smart man… but I know what love is. ― Forrest Gump (1994)

In high school I took a class in French, the language of love and I never got anywhere with it, I had a hard time just speaking English to you, but I learned, I evolved because the first time I saw you well, my heart skipped a beat, I had to catch my breath and my footsteps… They say silence is golden, but I Can’t Help Falling In Love with you, the way you smiled, how your eyes lit up, the way you touched me, your words, almost every one of them, again almost. Only a fool thinks anyone is perfect and I never asked to be a wise man just your man, and if that makes me a fool, well you laughed right along with me, and that’s enough.

Even though I call myself Le Maquis de Joker I only wanted one person to laugh, maybe a few more with the kids, but I’m not good with dad jokes, neither was my father and that’s the reason I say almost. I Will Do Anything For Love, but I won’t do that, and I don’t mean making jokes. Before I even started talking to girls, I wanted to be a comedian because they made people laugh, and before you ask I still hate clowns but for the kids, for you… I won’t be a joke, I can’t, I won’t ever, I’m no genius, but I refuse to be stupid or even thought of as such, I will not be STUPID for you ever; I can take a joke, but I will never be a joke in my home NEVER AGAIN.

“Heh… C’mon, Leslie… can’t you take a joke?”

Leslie Zevo: “Oh yeah! I love jokes! I love all kinds of jokes. But you know what I don’t like? I don’t like people trying to kill me, hurting my family and my friends, and destroying the whole world as I know it. That just doesn’t sit well with me.” ― Toys

Call me whatever you want, your husband, lover, Will, you don’t even have to talk to me at all because you know there are days when there are no words but if there is one I will not stand for, that I refuse to feel it’s stupid, never but always love A Fool For You.

Matchbox Twenty ― Mad Season

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 128 ~Love Is Worth Dying For~

WillLeave a comment

Even if I’m not worthy of it I can still do such a thing, which is possibly the worst thing that I can do, of course, I’m talking about love and I might as well start digging right now. Love Is Worth Dying For, how many women have left me breathless

Monday, November 6, 2017

Lesson 128 ~Love Is Worth Dying For~

Fifth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear when love is all you need, talk about wanting a lie to become the truth if enough people believe it. Hate is easy enough to find, it starts from within but love, hell again I would like to believe love is everywhere but it’s in invisible, like air.

Love is also way more exhausting, I love my dog, so I have a day job, I love myself and so I write but also I hate plenty so both love and hate lead me to the same place. As you can already tell, I’m not the right person to talk about love, as a matter of fact, I doubt there is a right “person” at all, or if so I haven’t found her yet. I probably really would die if I ever did because while a person is supposed to love who you are, we want to be better.

If anything love is the ultimate fuck off to self because when you love it can’t be about you, everything you are becomes about someone else, you are indeed prepared to die but that someone that something has to be prepared to do the same, no even greater and so you rise as well. That’s something that “grinds my gears” as Peter Griffin would say, people who just love everything and whatever it is they love isn’t giving anything back to them to be sure. Is it strange that I consider Love a holy word, a magic word, a word not to be taken likely because when I love, I give all of myself and nobody ever taught me such a thing, and just to be clear I don’t even love myself, I’m still alive?

I’m still alive because of my hate, my wrath has no bounds, and nobody has ever wanted my love, because what could that possibly mean to them? The one thing on this Earth I truly love is incapable of ever saying the word and he doesn’t ever have to really.

So I will wait because I don’t know what else I can do don’t you “love” how I keep going back to songs; I can’t go looking for love… okay, I swear I’ll stop now with the music. I do believe though, just as much as I hate this next breath, I’d love to believe Love Is Worth Dying For.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 121 ~Hate Will Keep You Alive~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t want to hate, which is why I spend most days alone with the exception of the dog and sometimes I believe even he is a bit iffy when it comes to me or am I just that paranoid. Hate Will Keep You Alive, and I’m still standing huh

Monday, October 30, 2017

Lesson 121 ~Hate Will Keep You Alive~

Fourth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear of the two-part rule which I will discuss next week but part one is “hate will keep you alive”, so will love depending on how you define living. Love if anything is meant to be a gift but something you don’t have to work for… there is no such thing as a free lunch, isn’t that right Justice.

Hate, on the other hand, makes you work for it, makes you strive for it if anything mankind has proven time and again that we strive for our own destruction because we make love a job. Would you say humans created weapons out of love for others or hatred though I honestly believe love can be an incredible weapon in itself? Here’s something I’ve always hated, those people that say you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself, this is a damnable lie indeed.

I think I love plenty, okay at least my dog, I love him but most days I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. If something were to happen to him though by someone else’s hand I would go to war and I would rampage until justice is done and would that not be out of love for him? How many love affairs spawned from hate, Romeo & Juliet and love for each other killed them before hatred of one another’s family. Can love be taught, hatred has to be, and I’m always on the cusp of quoting Master Yoda’s teaching on fear.

Maybe I fear myself so much which leads to my hatred, I mean I hate so many and my father is at the top of that list or so I assumed a minute ago. I hate enough that I remain in a constant state of exhaustion but is love equal, I don’t love my friends but I do work to make sure their comfortable in my presence and some days I actually hate myself more because of this I think.

Hate is literally what gets me out of the bed most mornings, working a job I hate, I look at the world and I prepare myself to stand as if I were Atlas. Why is it love that makes me a coward and hate that brings forth a zest for life, for my own survival?

It could be other people, how they look at me like they are allowed to do and say whatever and call it kidding, jokes, dame near hate speech, I know, Hate Will Keep You Alive.

I Will Have No Fear