Tag: Best Friend

Saga 084 ~See V, B Leaving~

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Dreams are messages. What’s my latest dream/nightmare telling me? It didn’t even star my son but Virgil, but I had intense emotions as if it were B III. It’s been 600 days without him. He’s saying that’s enough. Heart hardening, etc. See V, B Leaving

Friday, September 23, 2022

Saga 084 ~See V, B Leaving~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So, I wonder, are there any machines that control dreaming? Dreams were pretty “intense” last night.

Shouldn’t I call them nightmares, then? Hell! Even dreams, I would say, are “good….” I always say everything I want is impossible, illegal, or insane. Add inane or inconsequential to the mix. I make everything about me, don’t I, ha. The eye in Will (sigh). But my dream was about Braxton. Only it starred Virgil. I haven’t distinguished the two. I should be reading more books on reincarnation and the like. Yet, I’ve been all in on “The Dog Under The Bed” series. Don’t I sound like a little boy? A fucking idiot! Uh, language. It’s not like I can cuss out my “father,” though. Humiliations Galore, where I lay my head, Sophia. And let’s not forget the Day Job and another manager. So dreaming…

I was right where I am now, in bed. The first thing that should have made me take notice of the dream was that Virgil was running down the stairs. He was in a rush to go out like Braxton once was. So why visit me in dreams? Again I never saw Braxton, only Virgil. Opening the door, Virgil rushed out and down the patio steps into the backyard. But then he was sniffing around like he was trying to find a way out. First, V jumped high and escaped. It was as if he was flying. Then the fence fell, and he got out again. A third time he slipped under the fence like he was a bit of slime or mold. Okay, no porn, please, fuck. My mind…

Each time I was able to capture him and bring him back. I don’t know how but I did it. After a while of this happening, there was commentary from a DJ, more like a podcast. You know I can’t stand podcasts… I think. Then there were these black kids watching. One goes, “I don’t like him,” about me, it was a little braided girl. Then I woke up. Before I started looking for that movie “Knock at the Cabin.” It’s the book “The Cabin at the End of the World.” Oh yeah, can’t forget the “Mold” porn. I’ve wanted to buy bricks and cinderblocks for the backyard. Making the house a prison? That’s how this existence feels. My personal Hell. See V, B Leaving

600 Days Without B III, Day 041 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 080 ~ Love’s Not Design But Evolution~

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I didn’t know how to love on January 11, 2022. I think about what happened to my son on January 31, 2021. Always. Love can take seconds or a long time. To love yourself… First, I need to learn to live, but now I exist. Love’s Not Design But Evolution

Monday, September 19, 2022

Saga 080 ~ Love’s Not Design But Evolution~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I think that would finally be enough for me to love myself. Not in Braxton’s time

I’ve said it before that I wasn’t happy even with Braxton. To save us some time, I hate myself, but I love my little Braxton. It’s been a while since I’ve said this, but “I love him like pancakes.” Hell! Pancakes sound good, but I don’t love myself enough to go get some today. Saturday, I was much too concerned, getting Virgil’s vittles and Subway. I can’t say I love him yet. I continue dealing with reincarnation and the like. It will take some time. Yeah, loving myself? Isn’t that what I’ve been doing all this morning before seeing you? The primal needs of man. A decent way to say I was jerking off, well edging anyway. And on today of all days. Shouldn’t I be ashamed of myself? Well…

For what? I have no love for the queen. I still believe this country could do with fewer politicians. That would make themselves kings or queens. Love for political parties or people. Oh no, ha. Power of the Pussy. Talk about being old and evolving from Roobie Breastnut’s song, ok. Don’t get me wrong, Madam, I do believe in love at first sight. Again where was I this morning? In bed moaning over some gymnast… on my phone. There was “Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders.” I would have been 26 when that movie arrived… Incredible. Though I hear you, Madam, that’s enough about the porno. But something that I love? Power, Pussy, and Pets. People, “we’re not built to kill,” but to love Madam J?

My son taught me more about that than anyone. Love can be learned but unlearned. That’s how it is without B. Everything in my body went out of whack. Because, for fifteen years, I had to evolve into someone capable of being his father. Came, saw, and all the rest. 161 days, so about 5 months and some change and now. At this moment, it’s been 6 days and 8hrs since the last time I “had a release,” and what’s stopping me besides busy hands? Because there is no power within them. I have not evolved enough to love, forgive, or… well, when it comes to my “father.” Braxton might have been designed by “God,” but loving me, that’s evolution. Love’s Not Design But Evolution

596 Days Without B III, Day 037 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 078 ~To B Virgil Sometime~

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What did he do wrong? That’s what Virgil must be asking himself. I’m taking him back to the “Rebeccas.” But he’d be cooler if they have A/C. Plus, I get hot and bothered over lots. Girls, groups of stupid people, giggling, etc. “To B Virgil Sometime”

Saturday, September 17, 2022

Saga 078 ~To B Virgil Sometime~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I sure as Hell don’t act like it. I’m trying my impression of a dead man.

Don’t I wish? If anything, I’m more disappointed, dirty, or disgusted with myself. And while I’m busy giving the “D” to the existence of a future… Becoming Daddy once again? I’d like to think I’d be doing much better if Braxton Barks were here. I have Virgil, or I don’t. I don’t know. I mean, physically, he’s here in the house. He probably wishes he was somewhere he could chill, literally. Fuck, Hemingway is going to ding my ass “LY.” Anyway, allow me to be selfish for a little bit longer. Yeah, leaving Virgil in his room as I “talk” to you. Yeah, if we were only talking right, Lady Lunalesca. Until I see some bit of porn or anything that leads to it, right?

Anything that leads to me taking my clothes off because of the heat. Virgil doesn’t have such luxury, does he? Locked into his fur as the temperature reaches eighty-eight degrees. He’s wondering what he did wrong. Why can’t I do anything to help him? Well, I could and I should. I was texting M Anime yesterday. Yes, I kept my word to Lady Sophia. So I was saying if I had that $630.00 I wasted on my “father’s” friend… Hell! I could afford to get Virgil and me both our own air conditioners. But again, I’m a selfish prick. Spending money on hot girls in movies. Yeah, I saw “Pearl” on Thursday. From Mia Goth to PearlsPeepShow.com. Then “thesaviorswife” on OnlyFans. Thinking about Milf Dos.

But what about the doggie no longer sitting in the window but in B’s Room? We are quite alike. Many days, I sat in a bedroom wondering what I did wrong. Isn’t that what I’m doing right now? And how can I fix it? As Worf put it when Q had no powers… DIE. Lunalesca, if Virgil wasn’t here, I would. If I didn’t have Braxton’s memory, I would. What’s another distraction? “He Lives In You.” In case you’re wondering, that’s me crying for today. Only that won’t do anything for the heat. Burning money on more books, ha. I also wanted to buy a buffalo chicken sandwich from Subway. Things getting me mad. No, not Virgil Vivi. Still to know; To B Virgil Sometime

594 Days Without B III, Day 035 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 077 ~Fan Of B, V~

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I’m a fan of Mia Goth now. That’s from X and Pearl alone. And now MaXXXine? I’m not quite the fan of Virgil yet… I would tell my son, “Love ya B, Love ya Braxton. Replace Love with Later and switch the name. But V barks when I come back. Fan Of B, V.

Friday, September 16, 2022

Saga 077 ~Fan Of B, V~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I’m doing my “best” to get there. At least, it’s what I told Virgil yesterday.

My “best” wasn’t enough to save Braxton. My first cry of today coming up. As you can see by the time, I’m pretty late. Yeah, unless it’s someplace, I don’t want to be and movies. Hell! I was gone most of the week that B III lay dying. And I even left him that Saturday because I was “hungry….” I didn’t think for a second that he would die while I wasn’t around. No, I’m not some asshole who would leave his son to die alone or amongst strangers Lady Sophia. But I am the douche that would leave my… um, Virgil in this heat. Honestly, I wanted to see that new movie “Pearl” starring Mia Goth. I’m becoming a fan, without a doubt (drools).

But to become a fan of anything or anyone these days. It’s horrible to think about, but can I go back to Monday, February 1, 2021? Let me be obsessed, addicted, and hopelessly devoted to my son’s memory. It beats how I’m living. Depressive, hopeless, clarity. Knowing the way down, you know. And I keep saying it. This place feels like Hell anyway, Lady Sophia. At least, Treachery is the coldest circle of Hell. Freezing, darkness. I wake up every morning pissed off that I’m not there. Three fans are blasting in my ears, and again I tell Virgil. I’m trying my “best.” Is it that I’m not quite a fan of his yet, going on what, 34 days? And I’m burning money, watching movies.

I’m burning at the Day Job in my anger. My Humiliations Galore reach incredible heights. There’s the next dog book I’m reading; I’m burning through pages. Not the GOP way. Yes, My Lady, I should text back M Anime. Um, she and Cherry get me all kinds of hot too. But that’s the thing; I’m a fan of the wrong things. So I keep blowing hot air and nothing else. Even my “father” is wondering why he isn’t getting a thank you from me anymore. Do you remember when I tried to make a deal with the devil? Losing blood. Hell! I’m losing everything, which happens when I’m not a fan of life. So adopting? I don’t deserve to be a Fan Of B, V.

593 Days Without B III, Day 034 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 073 ~ Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful~

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Ignorance is bliss? If only I had adopted that last Thursday. How about before I took the Day Job that has made me STUPID for over a decade. A doggy has been trying to get to know me for a month. When will we learn? Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful

Monday, September 12, 2022

Saga 073 ~ Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I must know everything. Like Finnick Odair, right? What is money to information, secrets… paranoia.

Like today, Friday, September 9, 2022. I’ll be a lot worse if you’re reading this Monday. There’s been many a day I’ve been at the Day Job, and everyone disappears. Or there is a phone call a manager has to respond to. Hell! People, in general. Being all around me. As the song goes, “Is there anyone out there? ‘Cause it’s gettin’ harder and harder to breathe.” Follow your nose, or rather I should shut my mouth. When it comes to all my secrets. But that’s the thing, J. The things that go on inside my head. Sick! Scary! Suffering! Oh, there’s plenty of that, which is why I slept hard after talking to Lady Sophia. It’s exhausting, excruciating, and evil to think one minute.

No wonder Braxton couldn’t take it. You didn’t think I would forget about him, now did you? The angel on my shoulder. I think the lady at Best Buy noticed him, but I don’t want to talk about last Tuesday. What about little Virgil? He’s busy running towards me. Nope. I could talk about all the people at the Day Job. You know there’s a difference between laughing with and being laughed at. They don’t want to know me but about me. Oh no, Madam. And my Olds? Fuck! Your kid tried to take their life on how many occasions? And they never tried to stop me once. And anything I tell them is called STUPID or more Humiliations Galore. I called myself emo before…

Yes, I’m embracing my teenage years again now that E-Day has come and gone (whew). The only person that cares who I am now or was way back then is Braxton’s Aunt, to be sure. I can share almost anything with her. And yes, Brandy, to exist like this almost counts for quite a lot. Only that’s what’s scaring me. Like all my edging, the point of no return (sigh). The things I find… And then wanting more. Greed isn’t a sin I deal with on the regular. Sure I want money, but I’m much more of a hoarder. That explains my porno collection plenty. My fears, insecurities, my troubles. Sticking my nose everywhere to alleviate fear and gaining more. Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful.

589 Days Without B III, Day 030 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

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What is there to say when I’m selfish thinking of myself. I’m not much to talk about. High school, the Day Job might disagree. Now there are elections, a dead queen, the memorial of an attack. Neither V nor I want to go out. And B? Leaving Leaves B V

Saturday, September 10, 2022

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means days should be getting better, not worse. But I sat up and started crying.

About B? I could say I go back and forth some days. I’ve lost track over these 587 days; how many I’ve missed without a tear for him? More often than not. Could use a pool. Lunalesca, existence is way too much sometimes. 587 days without Braxton. And now 28 days with Virgil. Four weeks in, and he is already following suit. He sleeps a lot and doesn’t want to go out and explore. What do I know about this little boy that is almost 2? That we both don’t want to touch anything for fear of destroying it and taking the fall for it? Hell! I was looking at what I did on the eighth. It gives me chills, which I could use now.

I could be an upstanding American considering the date. Tomorrow is 9/11, and where was I back then? I sat in my senior English class, bemoaning my horrible existence. The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? The only difference is we could blame somebody else. Now I look at the country, and we can only blame ourselves, Lady Lunalesca. As the song goes, “We need a good assassination. We need an earthquake or a war. How ’bout a crooked politician? Hey stupid, that ain’t news no more.” Hell! We have all that and a bag of chips. Speaking of which, I should go shopping. Didn’t I say Tuesday was a bad day? I could be freaking out over nothing… right, RIGHT?

Story of my continued existence. No wonder I’m late getting up this morning at 6:00, Lu. Wake up with gratitude, right? Besides the tears, there is FEAR as usual. Adding more? There will be plenty coming this week. And I need to talk to your sisters and B III. Did I mention I’m listening to the Succubus Lord series for the third time? Well, I did start on 10, which is my favorite. I wanted “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7,” but fuck Audible, that’s why I’m not. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Leaves do. To be careful like Virgil Vivi. But no matter what, there’s a time for everything and a season. Politics and now religion. Lunalesca, being in my head… Leaving Leaves B V

587 Days Without B III, Day 028 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 070 ~ Virgil’s Story Begins B~

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Reading about dogs dying or hiding under beds… Virgil hasn’t discovered he could do that… yet. I should read the adoption kit that he came with. But then I read all these bills and the scary stuff online. My own story? “Virgil’s Story Begins B.”

Friday, September 9, 2022

Saga 070 ~ Virgil’s Story Begins B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that begins with the first dollar made. Being worried about money at “Times Like These.”

You know how I am; I have to replace one problem with a bigger one. Virgil isn’t a problem, Lady Sophia… Tell that to all the air I was taking in almost four weeks ago. Sophia, I’m still thinking about the air conditioner and how hot it is here. The humiliation with my old man. And how he could have forgotten about me, which isn’t too hard to do on any occasion. Even in this heat, though, I break down. Yet again, I find myself at day one, my Lady. What? I already had my clothes off, and Virgil was in his room, not hacking. Hell! Braxton would always be here as I looked up… Well, whatever. Let’s say the Uncharted series isn’t helping me.

As a matter of fact, it’s why I believe I’m in trouble. Do you remember how I was a week or so before Braxton passed? Not the rage at work or the indifference towards him, but the paranoia. As I said, “Times Like These,” when I’m more “Somebody’s Watching Me.” Who the hell am I in comparison to my sister or the Queen of England? Quite the jump, don’t you think? My sister’s birthday is right behind E-Day. And the Queen died yesterday. Who has time for me? I bet law enforcement. As the song goes, “First let me explain that I’m just a black man. And I come from the dark side, so I’m having a hard time stayin’ on track, man.” It’s madness.

I’m in the same place I was when B III came into the world. And then he left me. Only now will I be downstairs today, writing a book with Virgil on his pillow. Nope. I’m only up on time right now because, like most days with the Day Job. There’s only fear. Will I get to see Virgil through four weeks and then even more? There’s so much he needs, but where is the money? Oh yeah, at the Day Job. And one of my greatest fears in that place despite all the Humiliations Galore. Outside embarrassments. Another reason I’m not writing books today. So what about reading? Unfinished books irk me something awful. But “my” story and Virgil Vivi’s? Virgil’s Story Begins B

586 Days Without B III, Day 027 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 066 ~Stupidity And Humor Are Different~

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I’m not one to watch movies, for stupidity’s sake. And the comedians we see… some tell the truth, and we laugh. I wake up to the bad joke, which is existence. Telling the same jokes on a Friday, I can on a Monday. “Stupidity And Humor Are Different.”

Monday, September 5, 2022

Saga 066 ~Stupidity And Humor Are Different~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Should I laugh or cry? At least I’m not dumb. I feel stupid, but Madam, I know.

The truth is what matters. Today Madam, is Friday, September 2, 2022; when we’re talking, I’m sorry, that’s the truth. Sorry because this is going to be a bad week. Worse than last? It’s inevitable. Sorry that my son is still dead. Um, I don’t know; I’m looking at Virgil Vivi, and what do I see? Well, he’s not my son yet, hmm? Was I stupid for thinking as such? A solid three weeks so far. 582 Days without my boy and 23 with Virgil. Well, that’s if he hasn’t decided to run away because of the heat. One more reason I’m up and talking to you today besides failure. I tend to do that, but today I’m a man of courage, learning the truth.

It would have been stupid to live in fear. Hell! What am I talking about? If anything, I will always live in fear. Anyway, so I texted some other repairmen about the AC being broken. Wasn’t I angry about it working this time last week? Now anger makes us stupid. It’s why we have clowns (see the featured picture). At the same time, I can replace that face with my own. Do you understand why I hate fucking clowns? No party for me, no thank you. Who the Hell parties in well… Hell? I should think about the loss of Braxton to keep cool. Only the day he died is colder than the day I should have passed. E-Day approaches. What will I do, Madam?

At least I’m keeping the last of the money in my pocket because I went around my “father’s” stupidity and friends. It’s not like any of them know I exist, but the one that does won’t take me for another dime. I don’t have enough of them to save V and me from this heat. I was too busy burning time with sleep, sex, and silent words not being read. Silly me, complaining again? No, as I said, I know the truth. But what will I do about it, hmm? Put the phone down and do something. I’ve said before, Madam, that the comedian is dead. My entire existence has been one bad joke. Yet I continue laughing but know, Stupidity And Humor Are Different.

582 Days Without B III, Day 023 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

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“And I’ll be better when I’m older. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life,” as the song plays on and the beat goes on. I’m not much of a fan of Morgan Freeman now. But V keeps looking at me like I’m the president and can save us. B, V, Are Fans

Saturday, September 3, 2022

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s cash to fan me. But coming to you today… there are only tears.

Anybody that doesn’t think tears cool has never met Lucifer or committed an act of Treachery. So why am I crying at six in the morning? Hell! It should have been four, but whatever, Lunalesca. Anyway, the first thought on my mind wasn’t Virgil sleeping next to me but my lost Braxton. Not a day goes by where I don’t replay how Braxton died, Lu. Right now, it’s that scene from Angel “A Hole in the World” S5.E15. Wesley, Winfred! Only as the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus,” or God, whatever. I would sacrifice the whole world; I would lose my soul; anything that could have saved my boy’s life. But there was nothing but an easy death. A murder Lunalesca.

“I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m not scared. Please, (Daddy). Why can’t I stay?” A Hole in the World

Not by the vets but by thy own hand. The worse day of this entire existence. Speaking of which, next to Braxton’s dying day is E-Day. To be 38? How did I spend last night? Virgil and I lied here under one of two fans in the house. In case you’re wondering, I carried him out into the cool air at five, which is much better than being here with me. He needed a bathroom break. After, I had to beg him to take food and water. He’s alone now. But all night, he cuddled close to me as if to say, “I know you can save us.” At the price of a few thousand or more… No, I can’t. But getting out of bed?

If I go anywhere today, it will be to get him a fan or some sort of small AC for his room. V comes before me. Yeah, like B, these batteries, or any set of bazongas that’ll have me, Lu. I can’t look forward to any of those for E-Day, huh? No girl can abide in this heat, I know. If a man wants an angel, he must make a Heaven for her. Unless you’re Jacob, who had two fallen angels and his Ariel. The things I wasted money on at the expense of fans. Braxton, Virgil. And now that the shit has hit the fan… I really need a new one. Dante had Beatrice and Virgil cheering him on. Myself? B, V, Are Fans.

580 Days Without B III, Day 021 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 063 ~B Reading V’s List~

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Despite my GOP ideas, I’m glad there are few books to burn here. Except for the few I wrote hoping to get published, that would help with the AC bill. Like I said, I rather burn. And if it wasn’t for poor Virgil, Fur baby he is. “B Reading V’s List.”

Friday, September 2, 2022

Saga 063 ~B Reading V’s List~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now (cut to “This Is Why I’m Hot”) sigh. There’s no time for music, money, or masturbation.

Hell! With how I worked this week, B would be pissed. It’s a week like this one that led to his death. And at least he didn’t have to sit in this heat and suffer. So why let V, hmm? Between reading “Dante’s Inferno,” and (daddy doesn’t exist) … will get to that. I’ve looked over the Adoption Kit I got almost three weeks ago. Notice it didn’t say anything about AC. And I got enough good sense to not lock a fur baby in the car. Good sense, ha! As I said, daddy doesn’t exist. Well, not mine, anyway. I refuse to call my father again for the AC. My Republican tendencies… talk about a conspiracy theory. Do I think he rigged the AC?

Hey, it could happen. Yeah, like me growing up. To quote a hot English blonde that almost made me cum… sorry, Cherry. “Oh, My Fucking God!” Do you realize how close I am to E-Day? If anything, it looks like September 3, 2022, will be a humongous day. Shouldn’t I make a list of everything going on? It would only be a bunch of excuses when there’s so much I should be doing right now. I should be thinking of Virgil’s health, right? How about my own? Of course, there’s only one thing on the list besides sex. No, I don’t mean “Success.” I need some sleep, as the song goes. Only there’s a “long” list. It’s been nine days Sophia. Horny much? Failure yes!

Which is why Virgil is sitting in his room. It’s his choice. The doors are open, and the gates are down. He could walk in here whenever he wants. I went to take Virgil outside. Inevitably (like my fuck you’s to Hemingway). Virgil went into panic mode, so no go. Some things that get to me about Virgil… Yet one more list I should make. Yes, like the one about why I got him in the first place. Ironic, don’t you think I found Virgil, and now I’m marching through Hell daily? But what about the lesson I “learned” from my Braxton? A cold day in Hell… Such was my Treachery. My greatest sin. To betray Virgil Vivi, living this way. B Reading V’s List.

579 Days Without B III, Day 020 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will