Tag: Existence

Saga 138 ~Plan B: Codename Virgil~

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If Virgil wasn’t here… What am I talking about? I wound up in the hospital when I had Braxton. But he had three more people looking after him. If something happened to me now? Getting through this week, the next, a moment. Plan B: Codename Virgil

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Saga 138 ~Plan B: Codename Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because I invested in contraception. But we’ll get to that. Today, there’s no plan.

There was the one to talk shit about Virgil Vivi; pardon my French. I think I made a mistake, Inspector. Not a “Send Him Back” sort of mistake. Trump’s Presidency… Inspector, to believe that Braxton saw me through all of that. My “zombie apocalypse buddy.” Virgil is not? How many times have you heard me talk about Braxton being reincarnated? Has the time come to accept that Virgil is his own man? How long did it take B and me? Bonding, going batshit, figuring out that we both liked boobs. Well, him, I’m a connoisseur. I had to give B III, “The Talk.” But Virgil? I don’t know him even after 95 Days. And whose fault is that? If life’s a game, love’s the instructions.

But I’m not looking for love at the moment. Hell! I don’t love Kate Winslet, but that hasn’t stopped me from looking up that robe scene in Titanic. Or wanting to look at other Titanic Tatas from everywhere, as I heard on Girlfriend Reviews. Inspector, you think that’d make a good porn title. What’s the alternative if I’m not looking at the naughty channels? Not good at all. Humiliations Galore have me all kinds of angry every day. The Day Job gets worse. Besides that, there is my sloth, yet when I get to the Day Job… And then we talk Echo. Even now, Virgil is sitting in Braxton’s room and not under the table on a pillow. As I write. It’s not his fault.

If I had focused on plan a or b… as in Braxton. I keep thinking that he’d be alive, Inspector. Instead of showing my rage, ha-ha, I chose to live indifferently to be numb. That was my plan to “Endure and Survive.” And how did that work out? My son is dead. Little B III. I don’t plan on anything, to be honest, Echo. But between Six Impossible Things and even what I want today. To talk to Braxton and Lady Sophia. I’m still not close to finishing World War Z. So I’ll be even more of a fraud with my reading. And what about NaNoWriMo month? When it comes to my existence, there’s always plan B… Though I rather not. Plan B: Codename Virgil.

654 Days Without B III, Day 095 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 135 ~Virgil, Lies Will B~

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B III was/is searching for comfy spots constantly? Because the lies are heavy. They crushed him. And we were always together because we could share the load like we did everything else. Things V believes about his forever home… “Virgil, Lies Will B.”

Sunday, November 13, 2022

Saga 135 ~Virgil, Lies Will B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I hope when you get on my level. Ha! “Neva Eva.” You’re no fraud, a liar.

That’s how you woke up this morning and plowed through Hugh Howey’s “Wool” The Graphic Novel. You wish you’d stop thinking about plowing, pushing, pulsating, and punishing your penis. It gets no easier; only you can stick with punishment as penance. Braxton is still dead. You haven’t had much time to lie about that. Not with Virgil here. I wonder where you’ll fall on the reincarnate or rescue scale. V is his own man, hmm. Last night I had my first dream about him that scared me something awful. It was only opening the front door and letting him run out. He wouldn’t be coming back. I know that much. So what did the dream mean? That you’ll protect Virgil like these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Hugh Howey’s “Wool” The Graphic Novel
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 031 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 038 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

For the first time in a long while, I nearly failed at reading something. What was it, I said, a fraud and a liar? Fuck! I did fail! Again, you finished the short story this morning. And it wasn’t in the “Chills and Thrills.” And I read it before. But because it’s a graphic novel. While we’re on the subject of books. What about NaNoWriMo? I was trying to make it through the week talking to the girls. And you? I don’t envy you at all. This week, oh no. Yet you want to buy one of those T-Shirts that say, WINNER. And even though nobody would care… You do! It’s supposed to mean something; your writing. But then again, you see Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined “Chills and Thrills.”
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 038 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You call yourself a father, dad, daddy. No, not to 2V yet, but always with B III. But are you? You call yourself a writer, but who reads this stuff? How about publishing today? Uh? You have a Day Job, but you’re no worker. You’re a slave, terrified about “escaping.” Every night you lie down, you say you’re going to rest, praying for death. But what about the little fur baby lying beside you? It’s more like he takes up the center of the bed. What does he tell himself? What lies must he create for himself to keep going? One more reason dogs can’t talk; one way or another, there will be a lie. The biggest being it’ll be okay. Virgil, Lies Will B.

651 Days Without B III, Day 092 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

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Went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. I can’t say how much I saw with broken glasses and watching with an old pair. I need to take a look around, at Virgil, at existence, sigh. And learn how to live? GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Thursday, November 10, 2022

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

648 Days Without B III, Day 089 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You were too smart for your own good sometimes. Is there such a thing? Myself?

People thought it was because of the glasses. That’s where I was today, Wednesday, November 9, 2022. I went to the eye doctor. It wasn’t by choice, Braxton. Broken glasses. Plus, you’re joining the club. You know, talking to you for two days. But I don’t mind when it’s you. Of course, five girls are gasping or sighing with relief. I don’t know B. Speaking of the ladies. So, um, I had to buy new glasses. The deed is done, and I’m another $206.00 in the hole. Can I go a day without thinking about sex? Try a day not wondering about my lost boy. Not your fault, B III. Hell! I couldn’t see you if I wanted Braxton. Glasses fucked and all. I’m trying!

But give your Dad a pretty brunette in glasses, gushing about me. Yeah, I’m in trouble. Or how do the kids say, shut up and take my money? She upsold your Dad quite a bit. Well, it could be worse, Triple B. While I was sitting there thinking about doing some Triple X shit. $732.00 was the total price for today. But Tuesday, I ensured I had my insurance and paperwork cocked, locked, and ready to rock. Virgil appreciates eating. But I still don’t like looking into mirrors. Which I did a lot of today. Um, Wednesday. The glasses I bought were not in my black battle standard but brown. Staring at her tits but your eyes, lower… I mean, you’re short, not in, um…

Only I’m sure I’m going to Hell. Yet the thought did cross my mind, again, that looking through your eyes. I mean your perspective. Could this all be your doing? That makes me a horrible human being, Braxton. My paranoia surrounding you? No, that’s Virgil’s thing. What? I have yet to have had any time to train him. But here we are 89 days in. Three months B III. However, did I teach you Triple B? I didn’t. I was there sitting on your mom’s couch. You and I learned from each other. But to be without you, Braxton. The last look you gave me. Maybe you know I can’t stand looking at myself anymore. So I went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. But, GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 128 ~Plan B’s Wicked Virgil~

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“It’s a wicked world that we live in. It’s cruel and unforgiving.” I will vote on Tuesday, but how can I be expected to focus on the wickedness in this country. Jack’s is worse. My Day Job… a million times worse. Forgetting B? Plan B’s Wicked Virgil.

Sunday, November 6, 2022

Saga 128 ~Plan B’s Wicked Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Because I invested in contraception and family planning. Hell! Virtual cunts? Such language outside Australia. What’s wrong?

In a word, EVERYTHING. But first, on the understanding that this isn’t only us talking. This isn’t a shot at Plan B The Morning After Pill. You’re Pro-Choice. Women’s bodies… Only let’s talk about your body. If you have a reason to stay alive, it’s to look after 2V, ha. And maybe the chance that you’ll get to meet M Anime someday. Or any other woman, for that matter. I’ve been there. Done that. I would have broken. If it hadn’t been for the RAGE this past week. And you? Well, the week’s only begun. Don’t leave the house; that is the advice I offer. And considering most weeks there is nothing… Listen, Repeat. Don’t leave the house for anything. You wish. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Girl in 6E {A Deanna Madden Novel) A. R. Torre
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 031 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Notice that five out of six can be accomplished from where you’re sitting. Somehow, #1 didn’t even matter this week. I read it, but it didn’t count toward the Year-End Kindle Challenge “Chills and Thrills.” Not even with “What You’ve Finished.” A win that wasn’t a win. You can add what happened at Jack’s to the list. I got your $10.00 back, if anything. Humiliations Galore will follow even when you’re right. Um, it’s not ok. It never is. Also, there’s the fact that I haven’t prepared you at all for this week. And on top of this truth, you can’t stay in the house because of the Day Job. There’s the Election, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, and the Day Job bullshit. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined “Chills and Thrills”
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 031 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Is the SLOTH that we have shown, be considered wickedness? The things I’ve done? No. It’s this whole damn world I have left you to. If I were a better man, a man at all… Only I wasn’t the monster either, and neither are you. You’re nothing. That’s fucked up. You could continue to be jealous of the successes you see every day. Your failures! Inevitable. And it’s only been seven hours. You didn’t even notice the clocks went back. No wonder you’re awake and raring to go; more time to rest. But you don’t. The world is a wicked place. And all your plans to survive it, writing, Stuff & Thang, women, no go. Braxton and Virgil keep you here. Plan B’s Wicked Virgil

644 Days Without B III, Day 085 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I still do plenty of reading, but I should get my eyes checked out soon. Why? The Drs. prescriptions didn’t do anything. How many times will I go over B III’s paperwork? Grieving books and those that suck. Now, 2V’s papers. “B Seeing You Virgil”

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

641 Days Without B III, Day 082 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As usual, I’m Time-Traveling, but you can guess how Thursday is going. As for today…

Well, it’s Saturday, October 29, 2022. To think it was Saturday, August 13, 2022; I hoped I found you again. I’ve been thinking about how long it will take me to get over losing you. I mean again. The last book I read wasn’t about reincarnation. But about coping with loss. Braxton, can you see the future? What am I reading now? While we’re on the subject, I opened up “Too Late” by Colleen Hoover. I wanted to see if the Year End Kindle Challenge would count it. Between now and December 31, so no. What do you think, Braxton? You didn’t have much of an opinion on my reading material. As long as we are together, B? I Haven’t been on the couch lately.

Only I did catch up with reading today. It was between wanting to fall back asleep and crying. The writer was talking about dying before you. Braxton, given this existence… Braxton, without question, I’d have died for you. “I’d get Him to swap our places.”

Who, God? I’ve never seen him, but I’ve heard. Um, according to the dog tag I wear every day. You are the word of God. And as they say, men love darkness rather than light. Braxton, you are the light. And it’s people or rather the hatred I was given that is the darkness. In a minute, you’ll have me sounding like Samuel L. Jackson. Can I find things to look at? The beauty. I can’t see you in Virgil.

Rosette Christopher, for example. Braxton, that’s why I gave up. You know what I mean. Not now, but 161 days ago after you died. I was trying to make you look away from me, Braxton. I hope that Paradise is a sight better than what you had here. This existence. Virgil does have your color by his eyes. But in 82 days, how many times do I look at them? The highlight of these days is my face mashed against the screen, looking at Yabbos. Whenever I leave the house. And the fear takes over, and my eyes flitter everywhere. Braxton, didn’t I say, though, I wish we were together. To close these eyes permanently. You don’t like me saying that. B Seeing You Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 121 ~V Life Can B~

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What do they tell the soul when they try to sell life? Much like the Day Job, the doc’s office, and Onlyfans, I’ve wasted time and money trying to preserve it. My own existence… Then I tell V to get in the car. B made his choice because V Life Can B

Sunday, October 30, 2022

Saga 121 ~V Life Can B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you? Well, for you, what can I say? Life can be hard or will be, whatever.

And I thought my week was. Hell! I didn’t do anything to prepare you for this one. Well, sure, a note on the time clock. Um, there was that chicken Saturday. More harm than good. I am curious to know how Braxton did it for almost 16 years. When did I want to end it all again? And you? Waking up in tears seems to be your new normal. Only day one of a horrible week. Yet when Virgil Vivi sounded like he was about to go into a hacking fit, I had the nerve to say, “Be Brave.” You remember that show “Eli Stone” and how they said “Live Brave.” Now that sounds like solid advice. But you exist; I failed. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet” Moira Allen
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Because life is hard. You see, the week I had Dammit! When you look in the mirror and see your messed up teeth… It’s with all that grinding I did. Trying to smile. It’s Inevitable. For all the people around you. Assholes! And yet you’re the one that’s going to get fucked all this week. I’m not being very helpful, am I? So now you know how Virgil Vivi feels. Fuck! At least he has an excuse. He has no balls, but you? If it wasn’t my filthy ears. Or the meds that did nothing. You got one thing from me: one big case of blue balls. Ha-ha. I can’t blame you for looking at porn. What else is there for you? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Girl in 6E {A Deanna Madden Novel) A. R. Torre
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

No wonder you’re chosen to reread a book. To think there was a time you thought OnlyFans, your Stuff and Thang would save you… You’ll be giving the same speech. Remaining the selfish bastard you are. What about poor Virgil Vivi? With your Day Job. Do I tell you to be grateful that you still have it, considering the schedule? And what about NaNoWriMo? You have to finish talking to Lady Sophia. And then there’s Lu, the Wife, Echo, B III, and Lady Sophia again. And don’t forget, there’s no food in the house now. All of this while feeling you’re going to explode. Madness, Masturbation, Manuscripts. I don’t know what to tell you. Life can be endured, survived, or left. V Life Can B

637 Days Without B III, Day 078 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 118 ~B, V, Guess What~

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Guess what? I’m still here. Besides waking up to find B III gone, I’m surprised I have to get up. The past few days, I’ve woken up to find Virgil snoring. Humiliations Galore, not being happy, having a hard-on. But everything else, “B, V, Guess What”

Thursday, October 27, 2022

Saga 118 ~B, V, Guess What~

634 Days Without B III, Day 075 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know to me, that’s a loaded question. But I am talking to you today.

Time Traveling, as you might have guessed. A week after Virgil’s birthday for you. It’s the day after for me, Friday, October 21, 2022. Braxton, I always wonder where you are. “Where’d You Go” as the song goes. Now I don’t want to sound like a Republican but in my thoughts and prayers? Only I’m not one for prayer. I did ask for your strength B. We’ll get to that; we always do. What about I go all Phil Collins, “You’ll Be In My Heart.” No need to guess there. While Virgil still feels like a guest… At least today, he does. I told Lady Sophia that Virgil’s gaining courage by waltzing in here and interrupting me. No, not doing that, but by now… (sigh).

Well, things I don’t have to guess about, like wanting to go to sleep. But you know me too well, Triple B. Sleep can mean plenty to me. Sleep, sex, that other S word. The one bringing the cops to the door. I don’t remember what night that was or when I returned to you. Braxton from “I’ll Be Missing You” to I’m “Coming Home.” I never doubted that you’d be back safe and sound on Friday, January 29, 2021. A few new meds B III? I should have let them give you those for your appetite. It would have been better if I had listened to you. How did we get on this topic? No need to guess; I always remember my great sin.

Braxton, guess I’m saving money, that the medicine will do its thing, my muscles endure. I can’t tell you what the vets said about V, but his appointment is this week, so I must guess. Did I wish death upon you when the vets started talking about Chronic Renal Failure? And now Virgil is going for his first check-up with me… I’m still thinking about his nails needing to get clipped. Guess what? It’s always about me and how I look as a human B. Not his human. At least, I don’t see it that way yet. Does that sound mean B III? It might. Hating so much, fearing all and Triple X. Things that are certain in existence; anything else… B, V, Guess What

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 114 ~B So Weak Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

It takes three months for a dog to acclimate to a new place. Now two years old, which is what, twenty-four years human V’s walking into rooms, jumping on comfy spots, and wanting French fries. I’m thirty-eight and scared to breathe. B So Weak Virgil.

Sunday, October 23, 2022

Saga 114 ~B So Weak Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I get a peaceful Sleep. There’s no Sobbing. And SEX! Nope, don’t think about it, please!

But as for you? Hell! The fact that you’re up before 6:00 in the morning. Of course, thoughts of B. Is it weak to mourn my lost boy this long? Depends on who you ask. You have plenty to be broken all up about. The fact that I didn’t cave to… well, we’ll get to that. Again you were up at a “reasonable” hour. How many times have you looked up Roxanne Perez, amongst other things? But you’re not giving up. Can’t send Virgil away. One more thing that you have to worry about this week. With all the nightmares that could haunt you. It’s the staying awake for this week. And if I weren’t so busy sleeping on the loveseat ignoring Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Come Back: Reincarnation by Tina Proffitt
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I tried. I avoided climbing back into bed. And you told yourself that you would go downstairs to have this conversation. Talk about being weak in the knees. Ha! Crappy joke. With all the money lifted from your wallet for medication, that didn’t work (sigh). You would be walking on air. But the boys remain, Braxton and Virgil, for you to carry. Incredible that such a belief remains that fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. I’ve thought that I’m not Virgil’s Dad all this week. Always and forever, Braxton’s. That’s a fact, 100%. What is it the Christians say, upon this rock, I’ll build my church or something to that effect? Did I mention I’ve been a priest going on seventeen days? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet” Moira Allen
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The thing you’re most worried about this week. Because, you know, two, three, five, and six aren’t getting done. Tis the season for things to end up in the graveyard. A whole year has disappeared, and what do you have to show for it? Dammit, only been 6 ½ hours. What right do I have to tell you this week, oh no? Um, I should offer to give you some advice, ha. Anything that doesn’t involve some girl taking her clothes off, am I right? A release? Something better than the fear of what the veterinarian might say about Virgil Vivi? Nothing but rage, though, at the Humiliations Galore that awaits. A week in existence. But look to 2V never again, B So Weak Virgil

630 Days Without B III, Day 071 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 111 ~Won’t B Long Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Birthday, Virgil!!! I haven’t said that out loud. I have to remember to say his name a few times a day. He was “Archie” for a year and 9 months. Hasn’t been Virgil for 3 months. And how long has it been since picking up B … Won’t B Long Virgil.

Thursday, October 20, 2022

Saga 111 ~Won’t B Long Virgil~

627 Days Without B III, Day 068 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I suppose I should ask Virgil that; it is his birthday, after all. He’s 2.

You remember Braxton how I would rail about politics. Hell! I should go watch porn. Braxton, I gave you a real time-out when I killed you 627 days ago. That isn’t even remotely funny, I know. Do you wish I would stop saying that? No politics or porn, but Petsmart? Mark this day in your calendar, well, yesterday, anyway. I went to Petsmart to the back. Banfield Hospital, and set up Virgil Vivi’s first appointment since he’s been here. Not today. Braxton, V’s first appointment will be next week. In the middle of another horrible one. If I had done that for you, you might still be alive. I’m trying B, honest. I was almost in tears yesterday. And not one has been shed today.

Give it time. Virgil doesn’t know about the appointment, age, or the aches and pains of this life. Who am I to say that? Besides being a lazy ass when coming to talk to you, I was also doing some research. What? I’m not for the GOP. Now you B, on the other hand, Build the Wall; well, at least the fence around the yard. And you hated everybody, my little misanthrope. Like father, like son, but I hope you made time yesterday to say hi to your aunt. Better yet, scratch that. Her anniversary and all. I’d say you killed my sex life, but we both know that ain’t true. I was busy trying to diddle the maid. I can’t talk to her either.

Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, research. There was a time I believe that Virgil was born in February. Giving credence to your reincarnation. But again, V’s paperwork today. I want to say he’s 14 in human years, but from what I read today, he’s closer to 24. What am I to do with that, you know? But you know what makes me a horrible person, B III? It’s the fact that I WAS thinking V was closer to death. Don’t get me wrong, Triple B, I’m not a… what, murderer? No harm will come to him, but I don’t love him. With you, it was love you B, love you, Braxton. With Virgil, it’s LATER; his appointment, his birthday, and having his own things. Won’t B Long Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 107 ~B Leave Virgil’s Crying~

WillLeave a comment

I swear, I thought those dogs across the street were being so loud. If anything, they were sharing their sympathies with Virgil. And with my constant whining. Where am I going? What was that noise? Why did my son have to go? “B Leave Virgil’s Crying”

Sunday, October 16, 2022

Saga 107 ~B Leave Virgil’s Crying~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And while I wrote about you last week. I’m not sure what I believe right this second.

Neither do you. Only when has that ever mattered. You have hope… B’s still dead. You hate saying it like that, but you need the brutality of it. It drives people to silence in a world full of noise, which we’ll get to in a moment. The quiet is indeed necessary. B III was skilled at both. What’s one more reason to miss him? He would lie there as I cried, and that was enough. All the tears in the world won’t put out the fires of Hell. You know. The Ninth Circle of Hell… Treachery. Since Friday, I’ve been thinking about how I betrayed you. Well, this body betrayed me. The quiet in the night, health concerns, a lack of moaning? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING My Best Friend, Gone: Coping With the Loss of a Pet
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Now you must honor your son. An effed-up way to do it, right? And what about Virgil Vivi? Not to sound like Joel from “The Last of Us,” but, He’s not my son, and I sure as Hell ain’t his dad.” I didn’t do right by Braxton at the end, and here’s Virgil’s beginning. Thursday or Friday, I heard Virgil crying. He’s so quiet, but without all the noise in the world, I could hear him. He wasn’t hurt, well, at least not physically. If anything, he was lonely, misunderstood, and maybe even scared. Welcome to the club. That’s how you feel when you’re not full of rage. Braxton gave me his courage. Virgil gives you his sympathies. And I give you Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet” Moira Allen
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I wish I could give you more. I’d give you peace that you won’t be fired for grabbing some girl’s hand when I reached for a piece of hardware. But still, you’re in Hell. That’s what the Day Job is, Hell. Like I said all last night, you felt sick head, shoulders, knees, and toes. And yes, you are officially out of money for the doctors. So keep breathing. I wish I could find you some great fuck… pardon my French. If you ever needed a reason to stay alive. Well, between fur babies, the want of funds, and other forms of fun, huh. Don’t forget a new book to read. Something to make you cry. Always a selfish bastard, I B Leave Virgil’s Crying.

623 Days Without B III, Day 064 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will