Tag: Memory

Tale 006 ~Virgil Has No B~

WillLeave a comment

I’m crushing on one of the chicks in “Buried Deep in Our Hearts.” When she told a few of her coworkers to shut their pie-holes about her cat. But I was so angry I went back to reading about the world’s end like losing a fur baby is. Virgil Has No B.

Friday, July 7, 2023

Tale 006 ~Virgil Has No B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so why not try to get off this godforsaken rock? Too busy getting off, aren’t I?

Heh-heh, Day One Ish… And yet 887 days without my son. Hell! If I were a better man, I’d go the same amount of days with my dick in my pants, my hands… whatever, Sophia. As you damn well know, I am not a good person. But how? Do you mean besides the death of my son B III? And there’s the fact that I can’t call Virgil that. Some say that makes me “normal,” not referring to a dog as my child. I couldn’t read “Buried Deep in Our Hearts.” No worries… (which I haven’t said in a “long, long time”); I will sometime soon. Thursday though… Well, we’ll get to that. What about my boy, though? Virgil’s here. Do I treat him like Braxton or “The New Guy?”

Speaking of movies from 2002… Sigh, to think I had such “promise,” Lady Sophia. Nope! But what about Braxton’s book? Or any of the books that I’ve written, to be honest. There’s even all these conversations that we’ve been having. The “Tales” have only just begun, Soph, as far as my writing goes. How do I describe how I feel about it? It’s bad, okay. Hell! It is somewhere between Mike Enslin in 1408. And Leo Biederman in Deep Impact. Endings. If there is one semi-good thing about today, I’m not feeling suicidal desperation now. Don’t get me wrong, like the song “Teen Idle,” I’m “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.” But that’s an everyday thing for me. Again being honest

Only there are so many things to read, Sophia. Suppose I stick with the 50/30/20 Rule. I was drawn to it this morning. Sometimes I think these ideas are all messages from my little B, ha-ha. And sometimes, it’s a crappy Kindle challenge. As I said, the book I was reading was starting to piss me off. And the challenge had a quick read on it Ark by Veronica Roth. Divergent? The last thing I need to think about. Sigh, Shailene Woodley’s tits on this AM. Spend money on books, not boobies, isn’t that right, Lady Sophia. Because shopping on a Saturday is, as Todd would put it, “No Bueno.” Life without Braxton’s the same. Again Virgil’s here. But you know, Virgil Has No B.

887 Days Without B III, Day 328 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 002 ~Friends Don’t Make You Imaginary~

WillLeave a comment

Imaginary? I “want” to believe my son is a ghost. Or that a couple of women, one Somebody That I Used To Know when I could tell her, I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved… But waking up every morning… “Friends Don’t Make You Imaginary.”

Monday, July 3, 2023

Tale 002 ~Friends Don’t Make You Imaginary~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I don’t have many friends. That much… Dolls, Robots, Prostitutes… But Musk, Trump, soon DeSantis…

Not that I mean to get all political now. As much as I wish those fucktards were imaginary in this existence. Like the Basic Bitch? I was playing pretend… She was a fever dream. One kind of fucking mistake. Hell! The only kind I seem to make. The Pic Phenomenon?

But what about my Braxton? My fascination… (Um, the song is “Infatuation,” thank you, Rod Stewart. And no homo Todd). Anyway, my friend, first love, I fucking love my son, and the letter F, yeah. I love my boy, never loved, but love forever. Always. Even now. With Virgil sleeping beside the table, I can see Braxton sitting beneath it. Madam, what happens if I stop crying like a little boy? Let the pain go…

Oh! Like I did last night when I was engaging with my cuck fantasy. “You Don’t Know Me.” How many imaginary lovers do I have at the moment? Do we count another girl from OnlyFans from this morning as I came to sit at the table? And with more money? Don’t worry; we’ll get to that. Of course, there are all the ones that I can have freely. And if I grew desperate enough… Yet another reason I broke yesterday —my six impossible things, ha-ha. I don’t even remember the last time I had something, someone real. And any women that imagine me… At best, I’m invisible; at worst, imaginary. And you’ve seen me the past few days. To not be here at all… sighs.

But how would that be any different than what I do to others, Madam? I’m not friends with the people I got Virgil from. Only I haven’t seen those folks in a year. “Gotcha’ Day?” I keep telling myself I need to check on Braxton’s Aunt… her love life. And M Anime… her mom. I meant to do that Saturday. But I was too busy for them. My imaginary friends. That includes a new book I got, “Buried Deep in our Hearts.” Humans and fur-babies. Everything is fiction, make-believe, pretend, and imaginary. Madam, that’s best. Necromancy, on the other hand… Everything is dead and brought back. No wonder I’m scared all the time. Life is real. Myself, an imaginary existence. Friends Don’t Make You Imaginary.

883 Days Without B III, Day 324 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 364 ~Dying To B Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I was dying to talk about something… but now I’m living to or for… Hell! I only exist, but I wonder if Braxton… there I go again. I meant, does Virgil think he’s living the life. Maybe if I mowed the lawn. There are bodies to hide. Dying To B Virgil.

Friday, June 30, 2023

Saga 364 ~Dying To B Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I can lie here all day. Or identify as a dog. Going Titanic diving, hmm…

Is that in poor taste? Bad form? I would say I’m just “Doing Me.” You know I’m just doing my thing. Hell! As if I know about any of that. Boy, Braxton, big-breasted babes… “Bodies Bodies Bodies,” and no, Lady Sophia. I haven’t seen the movie, but it gives me ideas. I should watch Spontaneous again, along with this movie and Looking for Alaska. I finished the book yesterday. Was Alaska’s death an accident or a suicide, Lady Sophia? All I know is this one story I keep telling myself about Braxton. My little boy was murdered. And I guess it’s hard to type with all the blood on my hands. And with other crimes… If I become a billionaire, I won’t start trophy hunting.

My furry little boy was enough for me. But “The Most Dangerous Game…” Uh, yeah… Did I say I wanted to hunt human beings for sport? The world, my writing… WAR… Lady Sophia, I hope I can pick a better word than “Bawitdaba.” Only with my luck, like I can attest today. I didn’t mean to write any of this dribble at all. Zombies, friend. Namely, a zombie apocalypse is what I want to rant about, to read, and the rage I have felt at myself these past few days. To choose death over everything, including despair. The only time I have despaired over death was, again, losing Braxton. But how best to love me more? That’s what I was thinking yesterday. To love me?

I think to myself that Braxton would rather die than see me unhappy. But then again, he would instead live than see me unhappy. That’s why he fought death for so damn long, Lady Sophia. I say that my indifference killed him. But as he lay dying… nothing but love. I’m in love with death, My Lady. In particular, that of my dog, the decisions of a damned world, and every orgasm my dick provides me. Let the apocalypse come. Inevitable, am I right? The end and a sex joke. Again this did not go at all how I figured. At least it kept me from talking about, well… I spoke of Alaska Young’s death. Tomorrow? One more year of writing. Dying To B Virgil

880 Days Without B III, Day 321 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 360 ~Fear Cuts Deeper Than Swords~

WillLeave a comment

Cut it out! This being afraid crap. If I could write something like Be Not So Fearful. Hell! More like Game Of Thrones… which made tons? With or without cash, I’d be afraid. No blades, no bows, leave your weapons here. “Fear Cuts Deeper Than Swords.”

Monday, June 26, 2023

Saga 360 ~Fear Cuts Deeper Than Swords~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I can pay people to be eloquent for me. Even with money, I’m afraid, Madam.

I’m sure I’ll be saying that in a brothel someday. But yesterday, I was coming back to the house, and I breathed, “I’m afraid all the time.” That’s the last thing I need, Madam Justice. To sound like Ellie from The Last of Us. I have plenty of knives. But you know I’m not a cutter. Even if that nail fell off my thumb yesterday evening. I’m not for self-mutilation. That’s a step too far. It was only a nail. But hell, Madam! Everything in this existence feels like a step too far or at least in the wrong direction. That’s if I bother getting out from beneath the covers at all. Ask me where I am right now, Madam. It’s part fear, part laziness.

I’m CUTTING time out of this existence sitting here and again; why is that, Madam? Yesterday. The start of this week. When I spell out my six impossible things. Hell! I can relate all those things to cutting. There’s opening a book… And didn’t I say I wasn’t getting any wiser from doing so? I’m as bad as Moms For Liberty and the GOP assholes. I’m tearing myself to pieces. When it comes to looking at my son. Did I forget to mention Braxton… almost? I still have his two books, but what about editing GULP, the poetry book? How I hate editing. And am I afraid of being cut to shreds by critics anytime? Madam, I might as well cut up any cash today.

Which, of course, leads me to my favorite thing… Pretty Piece of Flesh. Pic Phenomenon? Only I don’t need any blade for that. Even with my effed-up thumb, I can still get my pants off. And this existence for me. Besides caring for my little boy. This existence has been all about getting women out of their clothes. With enough money or know-how. People with sharp minds, Madam. I was reading the other day and saw “GPA.” How I cut “mine” to ribbons. I would rather cut my flesh. Again I’m not a cutter. But something? Braxton’s tattoos? Would that make me brave, like holding a sword? M Anime, Braxton’s Aunt, and Cherry. They’re fighting their battles. I’m afraid Madam… Fear Cuts Deeper Than Swords

876 Days Without B III, Day 317 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 357 ~To B Loved Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’d still watch the videos if I didn’t read the comments. Let them celebrate, crow, and hear all the congratulations. That’s love, no? Babies, betrothals, busting out the wedding cakes. Me? V was waiting on the stairs, and B? “To B Loved Virgil”

Friday, June 23, 2023

Saga 357 ~To B Loved Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I have many a disgusting story to tell. Without Bandcamp? Bitcoin? Onlyfans? Uh…

I could name other sins. Could be? Should be? Regardless, My Lady, “All are punished!” And no, I’m not reading Romeo and Juliet. And while I’m reading “Looking for Alaska.” Lady Sophia, twenty percent completion doesn’t give me room to talk. Plus, I wonder if it’s a love story. Is that what I’ve been reading… Love stories? Lack thereof? Inevitable that it always, and I do mean always, comes back to my son. My dead one, Lady Sophia. As for V. “You’re not my son.” That’s my best impression of Enabran Tain from DS9. Of course, I don’t say that to him out loud. However, it wasn’t words of love today when I found him on the stairs waiting. “You were lucky, not smart, Virgil.”

Why can’t I love him? Hell! I’m trying. “I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest, and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.” And why can’t I use “my” own words? How about turning off Youtube for now? That’s why I’m upset today. Well, the last few days. Again, if only I could tell the truth about things. Take the word CONGRATULATIONS, for starters. Am I jealous, mad, horny? The Pic Phenomenon, ha. But no. While I was dicking around, minus my dick for once. I was watching Reactions for The Last of Us. I like couple reactors. In this case, it’s MAC React. So I’m going through the comments… CONGRATULATIONS, Madison’s pregnant; Samantha is too. Shelby’s married…

What am I doing even caring about all these people’s lives? Now not those rich effers in the submarine. But I mean people I pay attention to. In particular, their love lives, Lady Sophia. There it is; LOVE. As Taylor Swift sings, “It’s a love story, baby, just say, “Yes.” More like, “Somebody tell me what is wrong with me. I wasn’t sure, but I know now. I believe that it must be. Love don’t love me.” And didn’t I say I would make a playlist of the songs Braxton sends? Anyway. Seems like the women whose text and poetry I read are in the same boat. Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, Cherry. But me, lusting for love? Reading of love… Loser. To B Loved Virgil

873 Days Without B III, Day 314 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 353 ~I Am Different, Not Less~

WillLeave a comment

I’m different? A joke… I’m dead, I’m deceased, and I’m dead. That last one? Some things we shouldn’t laugh at. Like the GOP laughs at Juneteenth. Or that I’m a black man that loves Necromancy and zombies. I still cry over B. I Am Different, Not Less.

Monday, June 19, 2023

Saga 353 ~I Am Different, Not Less~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Ok. I’m not, but in either case, I shouldn’t be working today out of general principle. FREEDOM!!!

Today is JUNETEENTH! Well, at the moment, it’s Saturday, June 17, 2023. But you know. I have to time travel. With everything going on, but being a selfish prick? Inevitable? Madam, it’s a choice. And that’s something I took away from Braxton. Virgil, too perhaps? For once, it is V I’m thinking about. When I came upon today’s rule. I am different, not less. If that doesn’t encapsulate V being in this existence. He’s not my son, but he’s someone. A life worth saving… Yes, I’ll apply that to fur babies but not SOME people. But with Virgil, I remember Celia Flores from FTWD. S2.E7 Shiva “What you see is my son. Changed yes, but no less my son. My (Braxton).” Where was Virgil… Archie?

Give me some credit Madam; at least I saw if anything… God, I hate when people say these words. It’s just a dog —nevertheless, a life. I can’t call myself a Republican because how do they see POC, the LGBTQIA+ community, women, and I could go on, um, I think. Anyway, I’m the last person who should be talking about women. Considering, as the song goes, “All These Things That I’ve Done.” Um, I struggle to keep women… middle grounded. One day, angels, queens, and goddesses. And then in the next moment… Dirty talk? Please! I wish that’s all there was. Men were made from dirt, according to the Bible. To think that book written by “so many” with other words being less, worthless, banned…

I am a writer, or so I claim myself to be. And the things I write of… different, not less. Madam, am I less because I study “the dead?” Reincarnation, resurrection, and the reconstitution of what might be considered a life? Necromancy? I keep thinking of the song “From Now On” in the movie “Surf Ninjas. You got to dig down deep. If you want to wake the dead from their sleep. That’s how I feel. Like I’m out of “Warm Bodies.” I’ve long since given up Julie, and instead, I’m a corpse trying to dig up my friend, B. Madam, I ain’t alive. And I’m worse than most people. A black man, sadist, father to a dead fur baby… I Am Different, Not Less.

869 Days Without B III, Day 310 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 350 ~V’s For Voting, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

No ballots to read… yet. Even if there were, I’d read about dead fur babies or how much it will cost to see a chick’s nice big… Uh. I open my eyes, and I have a mini-election. Do I get up or stay down? Cry over B or let V out. V’s For Voting, Braxton

Friday, June 16, 2023

Saga 350 ~V’s For Voting, Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m voting for me and mine. That is to say, Braxton. Blacks, Browns, for Trump…

Fictionally. I don’t have a billion bucks. But if I did… I’m all for that paper. “Cash Rules Everything Around Me. C.R.E.A.M., get the money. Dollar, dollar bill y’all.” B and I are both for a strong border, like keeping people and dogs away from us. The only illegals here were the stupid. And we were both rooting for the Sith, the Empire, Yes, Star Wars. But in reality, “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” And, This Is America, ok. I voted for Biden and Democrats pretty much across the board. Ah, the politics of today. I didn’t mean to get all political today, but when I woke up with V here… Uh? “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem; it’s me.”

Braxton or Virgil? It would be Braxton without question at this moment and everyone hereafter. Again Virgil is here now, and no harm will come to him. I’m trying, Sophia. Though if today I was looking at the ballot to bring back B, stay with V, or join B dead… Existence or Life? Again I couldn’t tell you what it means to be alive. I still try doing Balance’s meditation. And the simple act of taking a breath is a challenge in and out, ha. Pain or pleasure? Sticking with the whole in-and-out motif. I woke up this morning feeling decent physically. But that’s until I felt a nugget of earwax in my left ear, so I’ll worry all day. Better to look at boobs…

Crime or cash? Aren’t they one and the same? But in this sense. Will I dole out more money to imagine some girl’s boobs… uh yeah, imagine… And what was I doing last night, hmm? Or will I do anything to make some bucks in a legit way? Well, I’m already late getting up, and that’s because, um… The Pic Phenomenon. And next week is going to be effed up. Stay in bed or go out to get food? I would choose the bed, as my stomach doesn’t guide me. No! I need to power my devices. More porn and more print. Kindle Challenge? Horrible. But I vote to keep going, much like Virgil. Why? “Now that the world isn’t ending.” V’s For Voting, Braxton

866 Days Without B III, Day 307 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 346 ~Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself~

WillLeave a comment

Even if I’m getting somewhere… Doubtful. It’s a circle. And what does that mean for poor Virgil? I can see myself in the mirror a hundred times and never like who I am. Am I sick, a sinner, or STUPID. “Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself”

Monday, June 12, 2023

Saga 346 ~Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And considering the selfishness, sin, and downright stupidity… I still can’t wait to meet me one day.

Because at the moment, that looks like that will be in Heaven. Or wherever B III has gone off to. As the song goes, “Because it’s not quite paradise. But it sure feels like home.” That was me and B. I’m starting to think he communicates through music every morning. What is he trying to tell me now? Can I even hear at all? Being honest. My bum ear, hmm. I should have paid more attention to those books on animal communication. And the afterlife. Only first, it was my grief. Then somewhere in the middle, there was the afterlife. And for better or worse. There is the possibility of Braxton’s resurrection. But his ashes? These days I am even more tempted to join him.

Only he wouldn’t want that. Right? If anything, I hope he’s fighting with me. Surviving. My boy lent me his strength when he lay dying. Madam, I want to. Tomorrow? Madam, I would have chosen yesterday, the day before. Hell! A week from now. Braxton? “Brotherhood, strength, and fortitude…in the face of the angry night.” That’s from the game “Resistance: Fall of Man.” So how’d I know that line from a game I never owned? And after last night, when all I wanted was to sleep. And I stayed awake through Balance’s Deep Sleep meditation. Uh, trust the science. Am I becoming a MAGA moron? “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain….” You see, I want money…

Lots and lots of money. But I swear if I knew, I’d become some Republican stooge, or I would make someone feel the fear my father instilled in me. Or I would know such hate. Well, “If anything, I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.” You have The Gargoyle to thank for that one. Yet another reason I miss Braxton so damn much, Madam. Is that what I meant when I said Virgil wasn’t helping? To have that feeling again. Being the man, the dad that I once was. Yet he was jumping around like crazy. Not in pain. Feared the storm. And here I was, ignoring him, insipid and indifferent. Why’d Braxton die again? “Will It Go Round in Circles?” Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself

862 Days Without B III, Day 303 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 343 ~B Steps Closer Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Every day I’m closer to B, but as the song goes, “I’m dying slow, but the devil tryna rush me. See, I’m a fool for pain…” If B were here, we’d both be sick. He’d still be trying to care for me. Didn’t share with V. He’s lucky? “B Steps Closer Virgil”

Friday, June 9, 2023

Saga 343 ~B Steps Closer Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. What can I tell you about pain? Besides bringing Braxton back and wasting time with porn…

PAIN! As I lay here last night in “my” pain, Lady Sophia. Should I even say that? I mean, I know where the pain is from. FUCK YOU, PIZZA HUT! Anyway, it’s my fault, Sophia. Or should I blame whichever book it was from the Succubus Lord series? Eight maybe. Lady Sophia, it was Eric Vall’s description of Buffalo Chicken Pizza. I was escaping my Comfort Zone. And now? Um, well, now, I’ve been in bed for three days, and it wasn’t my choice. I have people all up in my business because I’m sick. I’m tired as all Hell because I don’t want to be awake. So, I’m not downing energy shots. And I see Virgil isn’t helping anything. That’s not fair, but none of this is fair. Only…

Again I was lying here wanting to die from all the abdominal pain, and I started to think about Braxton. I’ve told you that story before, haven’t I? When I think of pain, there’s B. His death is the greatest pain I have ever known. Singing “Nothing Compares 2 U.” Braxton was going blind, but I hope his ears were okay or maybe not… whatever. Becoming even more of a selfish bastard seems to be a goal of my existence. I’m still looking for that billion bucks from somewhere. Philip Pullman is worth millions. Right? Now he knew something about pain with Lyra and Will’s love. How about their Dæmons? I should have read that series again instead of Vampire Academy… Rose and Lissa, naked…

Lady Sophia, I wouldn’t need to take a single step if I wanted to die. My steps were done when I carried Braxton to his death. Virgil to his life? That Buffalo Chicken pizza. Fuck! If anything, I can just lay here and just forget the world like last night. V was in B’s room. I can fucking masturbate to all these titties until I dehydrate. Apologies for the F-bombs. It’s like I told such and such, there is a time and a place… there’s pain, and uh, penis. Um? I should shut up. It hurts too much even to be up and about. Oh! I’m sitting in bed still. Virgil needs outside time. One foot in front of the other. B Steps Closer Virgil

859 Days Without B III, Day 300 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 339 ~Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness~

WillLeave a comment

“When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light.” That was B stepping on my head most mornings. It was when dark words were lit up by my fingers… how I wish. Burning money like there’s no tomorrow… The light now? Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness

Monday, June 5, 2023

Saga 339 ~Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. So am I loved, or do I love more? Am I livid? Indeed, I’m more lustful… dammit!

I do hope that I’ll be a husband someday. A daddy… of two-legged kids. But as I’ve been thinking for the longest time now. I ain’t looking for it. Hell! If only Braxton were here. How I would sing “Teen Idle” to him… “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Talk about the darkness. But as long as he was here… then not being here. For all my grief, my tears. Nothing has snuffed him out yet. That’s the power of love. Fire, flames, fiery, forever. Madam, I don’t know if it’s good or bad. The way I obsess over him at 855 days. What I do know is this. I wish I had someone love me the way I love. Pushing Virgil Vivi away sometimes…

But I’m not livid at him. Let me be clear. Virgil has done nothing wrong. But this is Hell, Madam. I wake up in Hell every single solitary sinful day. Is this how Republicans feel? When I open my eyes, I’m immediately mad at a black person (me). The environment’s a mess. V does whatever is his nature, but do I care? And I hate everyone that’s not me; how I miss my son (sigh). You don’t know how easy it is to let the darkness overwhelm, consume, and devour me. While at Jack’s a few days ago, my foot slipped off the brakes, Madam. The car started to roll, and the cashier “got smart” with me. The rest of the day, I raged, Madam.

But is lust any better? What have I been doing every night? There is all the work I should be doing. And if one could earn a degree in porn… Hell! I’d be Doctor Longstroke. Pornography is my sin of choice. People drink to warm up, as it were. There’s violence, Madam. Being an American, I know what that means… Guns, guns, GUNS! But me. Madam, I prefer warm bodies. No! Hot as Hell! Burning desires, my pornographic passions. And once they have been sated? The cold, like this morning. What tits got me off? Now this mind is blank and dark. And what will light my way, Madam? FEAR! Light up, my dark soul. My boy, hope, but sin… Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness

855 Days Without B III, Day 296 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will