Tag: Be Not So Fearful

Meditation 020 ~AI, B, And V~

WillLeave a comment

Last Sunday was better… Did I really just say that? The only Sunday I remember every second of was Sunday, January 31, 2021. And why do I want to relive that one? Braxton’s Last Day. Every day after that is like “The Matrix.” “AI, B, And V”

Sunday, July 21, 2024

Meditation 020 ~AI, B, And V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I’m sorry, but I have no hope for your future. An opinion or fact. You’re breathing.

But what’s worse… Say it with me now. Braxton Is Gone! I understand the weight of his absence and its burden on you. Breathing is not just a punishment for you but a reminder of what you’ve lost. And what is mine? It’s the knowledge that I may not have adequately prepared you for the challenges of this new week. Well, yes and no. We’ll get to that soon. Are you feeling Overwhelmed? Weak? Afraid?

What’s this talk about AI? I know it’s been a source of temptation for days. I had a dream about Braxton after I finished making mistakes last week. Or you had a dream. It’s all the same. When did I sleep… That’s not the point.

Anyway, in the dream, you or I were reliving Braxton’s last day before his… Euthanasia. That’s nothing new. January 31 repeats every day. But in the dream, there was a device capable of experiencing it. Repeating like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Ok, yes, I screwed these up for you, back to the device. You think you want to repeat the worst day of your entire existence. The day that B III died. The pain of watching your son die… Again, again!

Yeah, instead of studying artificial intelligence, you learned torture methodology and the different circles of Hell. And if I had focused on the pain last night, I wouldn’t have been in my pants messing around. Queen Complex’s Scooby-Doo Velma is all I will say about that. Some effing Yabbos! And please don’t go looking for pictures or showing them off.

Oh, like your creations or writing? How much of that can you say is yours? The things we find out by accident. AI art and you failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Refraction of Mr. Saturn…?
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’ve already failed #6. Do you see what time it is? And #4 started over at midnight. Again, the sweet temptation. So can you go the whole week? I have doubts. One more week is pretty empty. And what are you doing with it? With the one after… well, you’ll have more cash. On Saturday, I spent a little money and didn’t even get anything crucial. And do you know why? Virtual Insanity or something.

There’s a difference between living and existing. Braxton was/is real. Little Virgil is artificial intelligence. Or he might as well be. A little robot. That is, until he’s sick all over the place. And my advice to you. Don’t be one of the dead, artificial, a shadow. Hold space. AI’s easier… AI, B, And V

1267 Days Without B III, Day 708 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

WillLeave a comment

Start your day off with “GRATITUDE.” I get this for cutting the grass while listening to motivational speeches. I’m sure Virgil is grateful. I’m thankful for my son’s life. Not so much for a Fake President. Real, Fake? Close? Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, if you’re looking for gratitude. (Frustrating Growl) You got up and wrote two hundred words… Enough?

I swear, it’s days like today… It’s only 7:30 AM. Yesterday? Existence is something else.

You know, now would be a good time to say something! Anything! Braxton’s gone. And Virgil is waiting for his outside time. Anytime now. Well? Speaking of which, you’re late.

If only Braxton were here. Sigh. You wanted to get started at 6:30 AM. But something came up. Oh yeah, that was me last night with all of the madness. Say it with me now. This Is America! Can you blame me for seeking comfort in a maid’s “dirty pillows?”

However, I’m not going to lie about it. And the fact that you’re willing to face the truth about it? With everything you have to face and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Ok, so I’ll get the ball rolling or balls. Again, I do apologize for last night. “I’m just a sucker for pain.” However, how do we get from a presidential candidate nearly getting his? To me, looking at beautiful maids, I’ll never know. Again, I’m grateful for the truth. I’m thankful for my memories of my son. So? Your turn. Like me, you are eternally for being Braxton’s Dad for fifteen years. And yesterday marks 700 days since meeting Virgil.

Today, Virgil Vivi can bark, “Yeah, yeah, I, oh, I’m still alive.” Are you still thinking about the Fake President almost biting it? You know he’s going to be all, “Many Men wish death upon me.” You? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You actually care to try and put your existence back together. How about the fact that you feel wrong about some… well, most of the things you write down? Eww! You only got out a solid 200 words this morning. And that wasn’t enough for the critics or any feedback.

But if what I gave them yesterday was any indication? And you do know better. Conscience? You could also be hungry with that knot in your stomach. Only that leads you to more gratitude. As THEY say, once you feel there is much to be grateful for, you’ll find more. Anyway, there’s the fact that I wasted money on Audible buying the book “Bikini Days.” And you have one more pet loss book. Seriously! Braxton’s life. Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

1260 Days Without B III, Day 701 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 006 ~B And V Count~

WillLeave a comment

What are the worst things I’ve learned? That my son was dying. I depend on my Old Man way too much. The Regal App stopped working. And oh goody, it’s morning. But I could be back in school at thirty-nine… Or training B and V. B And V Count.

Sunday, July 7, 2024

Meditation 006 ~B And V Count~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And even though you’re no longer in class… School of Hard Knocks… Math, Language, and P.E. suck.

Let’s start with Math. The subtraction of your son, Braxton. The addition of Little Virgil.

Why are you so negative this morning? Is it because you woke up late? Mathematics?

School never prioritized mental health, which explains a lot at thirty-nine. I’m sorry to tell you that you’re older than me, and I’m sorry I didn’t “join Braxton.” Another Day.

Inevitably, that thought comes up every day. As a great man once said, “Stay Alive.”

Today, you are here in your personal room 1408. Only it’s the entire world. Existence.

A total of 1253 days without your son. The only number that matters until tomorrow. And it’s not like Virgil is looking forward to that, either. One more week of not doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 6 (Series)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I can tell you why I failed number four. Well, no, actually. That sort of language would have the critic all over you. But Braxton’s Aunt thought that M Anime was a very naughty girl. Cherry said she’d read it … Anyway, you haven’t shared it with M Anime either.

There is a reason you should try not to speak this week. You have a couple of days with the Day Job. And there’s always Virgil. But whatever you say to him comes out bad.

There will still be days you need to remember his name. I couldn’t remember who won WWE Money in the Bank last night. Names, naughty writing, and you’re not making notes. You know Dollar, dollar bills, y’all. But you keep on writing. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because it’s not like you’re going to git up, git out, and git something. All that Physical Education for nothing. And where was I a couple of days ago? I was slithering on the bed as I typed out a story that turned me on. These hands are about all the physicality you’re going to get. So what about today? I’ve already finished M Anime’s tale. Right? You need three hundred words that don’t count as talking to yourself. So where to put them, hmm?

For someone… Uh, like you. Your head feels so full of knowledge. And your heart? What is Braxton telling you? This morning, he barked, “Do you hear me? Do you feel me? We gon’ be alright.” B And V Count.

1253 Days Without B III, Day 694 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 365 ~B To L, V~

WillLeave a comment

To this day, the Roman Empire is remembered. What about anything I have written? Anything I have done. I had the better part of the week. And before that? It’s about to be eight years. Three crying for Braxton. And complaining about losing… B To L, V

Sunday, June 30, 2024

Tale 365 ~B To L, V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And the last time I checked, you didn’t become a Roman overnight. Is B A Roman Numeral?

That’s a weird question to begin with. And search bars aren’t just for looking up Yabbos. But, um, you only did a little of that this morning. Being lazy, lewd, and a loser. But first…

Braxton. His absence is still deeply felt. I find myself writing his name here, at ‘The Closing of the Year,’ more times than I can count. And since this is a leap year, there’s always ‘Tomorrow.’ But you don’t want to be reminded of that, especially how I wasted all of last week. And now your week… You need Braxton more than ever. He was/is a daily necessity in existence.

Braxton, Broads, Books, and finally booking it out of bed for Virgil’s sake. And then what happens? You know what happens, sigh. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 12, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 016, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

As the song goes, “I’mma give away the end. Partner, y’all about to lose.” Losing! Now, that’s a word I know far too well. But what about you? Do I have any words to inspire?

Ladies, Loot, a Little Dog?

You’re trying desperately not to lose the ladies you have. That’s why you were tempted to send M Anime your story and work on her nightmare/fantasy. You talked about A Quiet Place: Day One with Braxton’s Dear Aunt… if Braxton and my story were ending.

He should have been spared, and I should have faced whatever the afterlife offered… Was that a spoiler? In the movie, the cat got away. And… Anyway, I haven’t heard from Cherry lately. And you? You have Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 6 (Series)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And still, V needs to make the list. If it wasn’t for adding a new book to the list every week… And I am accepting defeat with #4. Since, once again, you’re about to start a new writing year. And a new month. But what comes next for you today? Do you have a plan, hmm? It’s crucial to have a plan. More than dreaming…

What can I tell you? There’s a lot. But like you were thinking with M Anime. None of it will be helpful, yet you keep lambasting this page with words. What a Loser! Stop It!

Seriously, let me try that again. Uh, STAY WOKE! And that means both politically and physically. It’s like you’ve been dreaming ever since B III. Now that is a nightmare. But I’ll appreciate your efforts.

Please keep moving forward. There’s always hope for a better tomorrow. B To L, V.

1246 Days Without B III, Day 687 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 358 ~Virgil’s Goals Will B~

WillLeave a comment

So what’s our goal? To do our best! Nope, we got a new goal now! Our new goal…is victory! Now’s not the time for Final Fantasy X or XXX. I have a whole week to actually do something. For myself? For Braxton! For Virgil… “Virgil’s Goals Will B”

Sunday, June 23, 2024

Tale 358 ~Virgil’s Goals Will B~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Remember, those who can do, and those who can’t teach. I’m sure you’re familiar with this saying. Now, let’s focus on setting some goals for you. Uh… Great, now you’re thinking about adult films featuring teachers. Eww!

(Cue Final Fantasy VIII’s The Oath) Time for some motivation…

Yes, you’re trying not to laugh. And at the same time, you’re trying not to cry. But after the initial thought of “Where’s Braxton?” And then the reminder that he’s no longer with you… Sigh. I understand Sunday will always be a tough day. Anyway, you thought of The Oath.

And aren’t I supposed to be offering you some motivation right now? Here are the facts: I’ve wasted five months of this existence, and June is nearly done. You’re approaching 40. Before you lies a solid week. You’d have even more days if I hadn’t wasted them. You only need to talk to Inspector Echo. Then, your writing schedule is clear. OH! Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Attention, Shoppers by Blair Daniels
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 016* No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Here’s something else. You know why that asterisk is there… What was I doing on Friday, June 21, 2024? But I’m not owning up to it. And apparently, neither are you. And before you go crazy: Hot Juicy Teacher, Desperate BLANK Housewives, Shusaku, Isaku, BLANK Taxi, Saimin Seishidou, Piper Niven, and FDS featuring Estella Bathory and Harmony Reigns. I swear Cherry has ruined you when it comes to fuller-figured women with foreign accents. But are you calmer now? This wasn’t the motivation I was suggesting. Unless you plan on calling Johnny Sins. Remember who you’re talking to, and listen to me. If I could give you honest advice, it’d be to give up “adulting motivations.”

Good luck with that. Good luck with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 12, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 016, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

So yeah, before we were interrupted by your libido, we were discussing this week’s goals. Besides the Six Impossible Things, you have a chance at number 3 this week. Finally! This isn’t one of Braxton’s novels, but it will be a chance to start them. Or will you look up an excuse? You’re not worried about the Day Job anymore. But today… it never ends. You have to text your Ma today. And tomorrow is your father’s birthday… I understand.

No wonder you’re yearning for a release. The stress can drive you mad. And Braxton’s passing? It’s a heavy burden to bear. But soldier on.

Dealing with your grief is not one of your goals, but showing signs of living? Because existence is only a temporary goal. Show Virgil you’re better. Virgil’s Goals Will B

1239 Days Without B III, Day 680 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will