Tag: Dog

Saga 139 ~B Hold, V’s Place~

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Nothing’s gonna change my world… but until I have one, I must exist in this one. And the world keeps on turning. B III’s bed is on the other side. V doesn’t curl up like a pancake. More like he goes all over. But really, where am I? B Hold V’s Place.

Thursday, November 17, 2022

Saga 139 ~B Hold, V’s Place~

655 Days Without B III, Day 096 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know this week and the next for me… It ain’t right but to write.

The things I forget. Not you, Triple B, never you. Everything remains exactly the same. Okay, so that’s a lie. Braxton, see why I never told you… EVERYTHING. 90, 98%? Inevitable. Should I survive the rest of the day… Wednesday, November 16, 2022? I’ll be madder. None of this is Virgil’s fault, of course. Hell! Not when I threw out your last can of food. Or when I was sure you were haunting me. I would find a toy or bandanna thrown about somewhere. Is that a point in V’s favor? I was telling Echo that V ain’t you, but? Well, again, it could be the time of the year. If I wasn’t so busy with… no, not for you. I haven’t told Virgil Vivi.

So humiliating I should go back to talking to Inspector Echo. I’m not Virgil’s Daddy. Only I find myself playing that role again, and I want to remember how it was with us, B III. Didn’t I write a whole ass book about it? And yet I have to face this week and the next. Anyway, let me get to the point. So I let Virgil sleep on the bed. You had your side. How I miss that. We would be back to back. Your constant vigilance of the bedroom door. When you weren’t at your post. I’ve noticed I find myself at the edge of the bed every morning, and Virgil is dead center. Even when I’m writing, Virgil Vivi takes up space. (Sigh)

I had to move your bed over by the bathroom. You hated waiting for me to get out of the shower. The thing is, I saw Virgil sniffing around your bed, and I yelled. Virgil knows. That bed is where you died. And here comes today’s bout of tears. He stays away from there for the most part. I’m still mad about your pillow; he pooped on it. And I destroyed it; it’s in the closet. V has your food/water bowls. A few of your toys, too; it ain’t right. And now, his first Thanksgiving here. Your favorite day next to your birthday, I know. It’s not his place to be you. Mine to be a Dad? Everything has its place. B Hold, V’s Place.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 137 ~To B Judged Virgil~

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What’s the measure of a man? First… get your mind out of the gutter. Second, that’s the name of a song. Am I judged for what happened to B? The fact that I provide for my family everything but… What love? I truly loved and then… “To B Judged Virgil.”

Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Saga 137 ~To B Judged Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I ain’t saying you’re a gold digger. To talk about something normal like “Kanye West.”

No, you know what I want to talk about, cry about, and dream of. Can I be judged for my grief? My guilt, my depression, and the choice to live my life this way. For the longest time, there was no choice. You and me against the world. A little fucked up saying that. Love. It’s like that show Whose Line Is It Anyway? Things you can say about your dog but not your girlfriend… or wife. Or can I. It shows you how much I love B. The same thing. Before, it was he and I against the world. So here it is 653 Days in, and it still seems much of the same. Can you blame me? Better yet, can you judge me?

Of all the things I thought of that you wouldn’t understand. Braxton wasn’t among them. And Virgil? How tempted am I to say he’s our children’s dog? Resurrection? Virgil isn’t. The business that I’m in. Hell! Like Dennis Hof, I didn’t think I would find love. Only I do believe in marriage and family. The whole 2.5 kids. I’m a bit of a traditionalist, as always. The things that I like that I want. “All I Believe In.” I know I’ll be judged for such things. But Braxton’s death? The way I treat Virgil? And then I look at you and our family. “All These Things That I’ve Done” or haven’t. Like forgiving myself. Forgotten… God, I want to fuck right now. But my punishment…

Was it wrong to do what I did; is it wrong to live like this? Is it wrong to grieve? One more reason I have no need for faith. I am “My Own Worst Enemy.” So what do I do? Love; one day, I imagine I’ll find “you’re long gone, gone.” Another slice of penance. That may be my ultimate goal. I read somewhere Hell is a place devoid of God’s presence. And doesn’t it say in the Bible God is Love. No, Braxton is love, and so are you. Baby girl, I prefer Stephen King’s “God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live.” Truth. Because I’ve spent my life wanting power. What do I do with it? Judge for yourself. To B Judged Virgil

653 Days Without B III, Day 094 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 133 ~ Virgil’s A’s And B’s ~

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Election Day, Veteran’s Day, and I saw Black Panther: Wakanda Forever Thursday. But today is V’s ninetieth day. Three months and what have we learned from each other. Nothing to write “home” about. Really, I broke my glasses, so? Virgil’s A’s And B’s

Friday, November 11, 2022

Saga 133 ~ Virgil’s A’s And B’s ~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so the state of the union is strong. Oh no, I’m not Trump or the GQP.

Hell! Lady Sophia, I’ve had my first McRib sandwich… ever. And I didn’t go out to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever again tonight. Anything but the elephant in the room. Or I should say doggie… Virgil has officially been here for ninety days. Three months isn’t that what THEY say about adopting, acclimating, alive, and kicking, two out of three. Sorry to say there’s nothing to write about regarding Virgil Vivi’s existence. Sophia, existence is for me; Virgil should be living. But again, what can I say about said life. There is no such thing as a bad student, right? Only a bad teacher. I’ve tried, right? Don’t get me wrong, he’s here, and I’m keeping him. I’m still questioning myself. Live or die, man!

You’re talking to the guy that nearly failed a history course because he couldn’t see the board. Like Braxton, you’ll hear about my glasses until receiving new specs. Sophia, I am the “man” who failed a college course because the teacher once forgot my name on the roll. And I didn’t have the stones to correct her. Let’s not talk about my balls. I certainly don’t have any when it comes to the Day Job. On a whim, I checked the bulletin board in the break room. They had all the employees in the decorations except for me… Should I be frightened? Should I stop this somewhat confession like you’re Inspector Echo? I wanted to tell you about Virgil Vivi’s State of the Union, right?

Okay, in ninety days, Virgil Vivi Bradford has stopped hacking… for the most part. There are whole days that he goes without a cough or a gasp. Sophia, Virgil’s not dying. Well, that could mean a lot of things. Virgil refuses to leave Braxton’s room for the most part. V goes to the Den and lies on the couch if I’m there reading. He scrambles to the rooms I push him towards. As I place him at the top of the stairs, he walks backward to Braxton’s room, not taking his eyes off me. I haven’t yelled at him or levied punishments. He’s gotten into crapping on the concrete landing outside. V doesn’t do stairs, not yet. He’s learning. But with my broken glasses, am I? Virgil’s A’s And B’s

649 Days Without B III, Day 090 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

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Went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. I can’t say how much I saw with broken glasses and watching with an old pair. I need to take a look around, at Virgil, at existence, sigh. And learn how to live? GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Thursday, November 10, 2022

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

648 Days Without B III, Day 089 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You were too smart for your own good sometimes. Is there such a thing? Myself?

People thought it was because of the glasses. That’s where I was today, Wednesday, November 9, 2022. I went to the eye doctor. It wasn’t by choice, Braxton. Broken glasses. Plus, you’re joining the club. You know, talking to you for two days. But I don’t mind when it’s you. Of course, five girls are gasping or sighing with relief. I don’t know B. Speaking of the ladies. So, um, I had to buy new glasses. The deed is done, and I’m another $206.00 in the hole. Can I go a day without thinking about sex? Try a day not wondering about my lost boy. Not your fault, B III. Hell! I couldn’t see you if I wanted Braxton. Glasses fucked and all. I’m trying!

But give your Dad a pretty brunette in glasses, gushing about me. Yeah, I’m in trouble. Or how do the kids say, shut up and take my money? She upsold your Dad quite a bit. Well, it could be worse, Triple B. While I was sitting there thinking about doing some Triple X shit. $732.00 was the total price for today. But Tuesday, I ensured I had my insurance and paperwork cocked, locked, and ready to rock. Virgil appreciates eating. But I still don’t like looking into mirrors. Which I did a lot of today. Um, Wednesday. The glasses I bought were not in my black battle standard but brown. Staring at her tits but your eyes, lower… I mean, you’re short, not in, um…

Only I’m sure I’m going to Hell. Yet the thought did cross my mind, again, that looking through your eyes. I mean your perspective. Could this all be your doing? That makes me a horrible human being, Braxton. My paranoia surrounding you? No, that’s Virgil’s thing. What? I have yet to have had any time to train him. But here we are 89 days in. Three months B III. However, did I teach you Triple B? I didn’t. I was there sitting on your mom’s couch. You and I learned from each other. But to be without you, Braxton. The last look you gave me. Maybe you know I can’t stand looking at myself anymore. So I went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. But, GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 130 ~B Showing Up Virgil~

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My vote’s for B III… he’s not coming back. Wesley Snipes said always bet on black. Except if it’s Herschel Walker, fuck him. And while I prefer red over black, I’m voting Dem across the board. Show up to vote so my future family… B Showing Up Virgil.

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Saga 130 ~B Showing Up Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. How many times have I said that? What about Later, I’ll Be Back, I Love You?

Later implies they’ll be more time. Is that what has me crying this late afternoon, My Love? Of course, I’m time-traveling Sunday, November 6, 2022. Hell! I never told Braxton Later. You know how I say, always and forever, when it comes to him and I. That is Love. And no way, no how, will I ever be free of it. It shows up like the line of a song or movie from long ago. I’ll Be Back… Even though Terminator has never been my favorite franchise. When it comes to Braxton, nothing stops me. I’ll Be Back because I Love You. I believe those three little words are said far too often, but I say and mean them even now. Tomorrow, the day after.

I show up as that is what a man does. But like before B died, I am worried about how. Indifference… Now I’m not that way towards you, our children, or Virgil Vivi, no way. Baby Girl, in a way, I wish I was because now I have something worse. Revenge and anger, Baby Doll. Do you remember the stories I told you about my old Day Job? That’s how I feel. I say I’m discombobulated, but I hate to deal with lies. Can’t I be honest with you, Love? Because you show up. And I read that women are not rehab centers for men. Only, I can’t lose you. And I won’t let you go. A man provides for his family. I show up.

Even when I hate this world. And 99.9% of the people in it. It’s like fucking voting. One more thing I need to do today. I love my family; I like Virgil, who’s been here, what 87 days. And I was going to say I loathe my country, but again, I’m here voting and why. Braxton somehow thought I could be better no matter how bad things got. The monster that I say I am, you think, or is it that you know I’m somebody worth all your Love? And I am trying not only to show up but to be here every… single second. But 646 days later, I’m still showing up. You all deserve so much more from me. B Showing Up Virgil

646 Days Without B III, Day 087 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 126 ~B The Book, V~

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Will I ever tell Virgil’s story someday? If anything, the only reason I’m still alive is to make sure B III’s stories get out. But with the story of my existence. Well, there’s a reason I don’t come back to read these things. B The Book, V.

Friday, November 4, 2022

Saga 126 ~B The Book, V~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure all my books aren’t about dead fur babies. But Hell, I wrote two.

I must remind myself that it’s NaNoWriMo Season. And this is day 004. Well, Sophia, I’m time-traveling a week as it’s Sunday, October 30, 2022. The day before Halloween. But what could be scarier than today Lady Sophia? I’m trying to get out of a shift at the Day Job. And I don’t know. This week could be worse than the last. Inevitable conclusion. It’s like that movie Office Space, “every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.” And then I think about the day that I fear is coming. Universally feared. Only I have “lived” through the worst day of my existence. As much as I didn’t want to, Lady Sophia. And even today, (screams) “Do Something!”

Well, something more than looking up song lyrics or quotes to movies. It’s why we’re having this conversation on a Sunday. And not when I talked to Lady Sophia and my son, ha-ha. How about the Man in the Mirror? Oh, I could read his expression. What he’d say? Something that would have the cops on the door faster than anything I’ve searched for. Amazon books, Virgil Vivi’s eyes, my ever emptying bank account. But I got an idea. Okay, enough of one to keep me here until the new year. That is to say, if I’m not being such a lazy ass. So like, when the doctor told me to eat “healthy.” I knew there and then. I’m screwed. The story of my life.

Oh, I’ll never write it. Because first, I need to pick a new novel to read, Lady Sophia. Damn Kindle! Now I need to write something new for NaNoWriMo. By the skin of my teeth, I got through the last one, pain and all. I was saying the doc, like the repairman… all that cash. Then, of course, is Gulp. How long has that been on my Six Impossible Things List? I saw it again, talking to the Man in the Mirror. Another waste of bucks, body, but a book? Braxton’s books, of course. That’s why I don’t have permission to die yet. Braxton’s story. When I’m sure, my son lives forever… He’s not Virgil. Not contemplating that. No dog books? B The Book, V

642 Days Without B III, Day 083 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

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I still do plenty of reading, but I should get my eyes checked out soon. Why? The Drs. prescriptions didn’t do anything. How many times will I go over B III’s paperwork? Grieving books and those that suck. Now, 2V’s papers. “B Seeing You Virgil”

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

641 Days Without B III, Day 082 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As usual, I’m Time-Traveling, but you can guess how Thursday is going. As for today…

Well, it’s Saturday, October 29, 2022. To think it was Saturday, August 13, 2022; I hoped I found you again. I’ve been thinking about how long it will take me to get over losing you. I mean again. The last book I read wasn’t about reincarnation. But about coping with loss. Braxton, can you see the future? What am I reading now? While we’re on the subject, I opened up “Too Late” by Colleen Hoover. I wanted to see if the Year End Kindle Challenge would count it. Between now and December 31, so no. What do you think, Braxton? You didn’t have much of an opinion on my reading material. As long as we are together, B? I Haven’t been on the couch lately.

Only I did catch up with reading today. It was between wanting to fall back asleep and crying. The writer was talking about dying before you. Braxton, given this existence… Braxton, without question, I’d have died for you. “I’d get Him to swap our places.”

Who, God? I’ve never seen him, but I’ve heard. Um, according to the dog tag I wear every day. You are the word of God. And as they say, men love darkness rather than light. Braxton, you are the light. And it’s people or rather the hatred I was given that is the darkness. In a minute, you’ll have me sounding like Samuel L. Jackson. Can I find things to look at? The beauty. I can’t see you in Virgil.

Rosette Christopher, for example. Braxton, that’s why I gave up. You know what I mean. Not now, but 161 days ago after you died. I was trying to make you look away from me, Braxton. I hope that Paradise is a sight better than what you had here. This existence. Virgil does have your color by his eyes. But in 82 days, how many times do I look at them? The highlight of these days is my face mashed against the screen, looking at Yabbos. Whenever I leave the house. And the fear takes over, and my eyes flitter everywhere. Braxton, didn’t I say, though, I wish we were together. To close these eyes permanently. You don’t like me saying that. B Seeing You Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 123 ~Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone~

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I keep asking, is Virgil, my son, reincarnated? Or is he seeing B III’s Ghost? Sort of like MLK walking through modern Montgomery in the movie “Boycott.” I missed Halloween. But I see a monster in the mirror. Ghost… Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone.

Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Saga 123 ~Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’ll buy the rights to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You… eww.

After that, I’ll send it to the pits of Hell, where it belongs. Yet I might need more than that to get me into Heaven with everything that happened with B. Won’t forget about him ever. So why didn’t I try to contact him on Halloween? I’ve neglected one more holiday, and here I am with our kids too. Plus, V can’t eat chocolate. And with this week, Oh Hell Nah! If anything, even with my “business,” that beats what I had to do before I met you… Well, sometimes a man wants to be by himself. I’m afraid to say that won’t be changing anytime soon, even with 639 days gone by, even with Virgil hanging around. And here I have my beautiful wife.

No one can take your place. But I won’t lie that I want a subscription to Cherry’s writing site. The things having me in the doghouse, but you know I’m all about Yabbos. Sex won’t leave me alone. Of course, that’s my livelihood. But people have been getting on my nerves as of late. Not you, my love. Here I am saying I’ve been lonely for days, ha. The thing is, I want to be alone. No, I want to be alone but with my Braxton. Considering what I’ve been doing for days on end. Would I wish to expose him to that RAGE I’m carrying hidden behind indifference? Then there’s Virgil. But what about you, hmm? Me? I’m a Zombie, Ghost, Psycho, Possession, Virus…

Missed Halloween. Becoming Hugh Hefner, Dennis Hof, or some model photographer. I’m still walking around here like a Zombie as I miss B. I can’t feel a thing, my love. His Ghost haunts me because I’m sure that he’s not Virgil. Am I reincarnation, dammit. As the song goes, “Am I A Psycho?” with how I’ve felt towards humanity lately? Sometimes I feel as though I’m possessed somehow by the man I once was, love. Somehow the worst is the virus-like something akin to a vampire. Thirsting after sex. Another reason I’m all by myself. So I can watch porn if I want. While you, our kids, my Virgil, wait. Because when it’s not porn, I continue crying for B III. Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone.

639 Days Without B III, Day 080 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 119 ~Virgil, B Having Words~

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“Me Before You” isn’t on the Kindle Challenge List, but since I read “Too Late” before, I wonder if they’ll count it. A book about suicide and a book that made me want to… you know. Virgil’s paperwork says he’ll live, I think… Virgil, B Having Words.

Friday, October 28, 2022

Saga 119 ~Virgil, B Having Words~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but at this rate, I would be on my way to Switzerland without question, for sure.

Well, in a “Me Before You” sort of way. I hate when I need to say I saw the movie but never read the book. Hell! The last thing I need is to think about the hot brunette Emilia Clarke. How not to think about sex when it’s getting shoved in my face everywhere? And speaking of books, I have no desire to read Sophia. What about “Too Late” by Colleen Hoover? It’s not a horrible book by any means. But it was a slough to get through, sigh. You know how the Kindle Challenge is. Only if it’s not that, I was tearing up a bit with “Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet.” I have yet to read Virgil Vivi’s paperwork.

Well, other than the bill. I rather read that and his medication than the word, Euthanasia. My Braxton! I’m not crying yet. I’m much too tired. But with the way V is lying right here. Braxton died on a week like this. No! I murdered B on a day like this, or I was beginning to. I hated the whole damn world! Oh, and I still do. And all I felt at the time, Sophia… Today that’s what’s pissing me off the most. I can’t tell you why. Sure the words are all there. Horny, Fired, Suicidal! Things I shouldn’t be putting out there in the universe among even worse. But Wednesday summed it all up, RAGE. It even beat out Tuesday’s fear and humiliation.

Braxton never ever made me ashamed, and neither has Virgil. If anything being a father… Once again, I ain’t Virgil’s daddy. I’m sure I called him Braxton by mistake again. Inevitable, am I right? Or perhaps I dreamed it. These days, as the song plays, “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” I’ve said I no longer say my prayers. Sophia, when I go to bed, it’s with this one thought; I don’t want to wake up, don’t make me. One more thing that shows Virgil ain’t Braxton. Again he’s right here next to me. Fifteen minutes from now, I’ll get up and take him outside to use the bathroom. But my existence isn’t “The Shit.” Virgil, B Having Words.

635 Days Without B III, Day 076 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 118 ~B, V, Guess What~

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Guess what? I’m still here. Besides waking up to find B III gone, I’m surprised I have to get up. The past few days, I’ve woken up to find Virgil snoring. Humiliations Galore, not being happy, having a hard-on. But everything else, “B, V, Guess What”

Thursday, October 27, 2022

Saga 118 ~B, V, Guess What~

634 Days Without B III, Day 075 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know to me, that’s a loaded question. But I am talking to you today.

Time Traveling, as you might have guessed. A week after Virgil’s birthday for you. It’s the day after for me, Friday, October 21, 2022. Braxton, I always wonder where you are. “Where’d You Go” as the song goes. Now I don’t want to sound like a Republican but in my thoughts and prayers? Only I’m not one for prayer. I did ask for your strength B. We’ll get to that; we always do. What about I go all Phil Collins, “You’ll Be In My Heart.” No need to guess there. While Virgil still feels like a guest… At least today, he does. I told Lady Sophia that Virgil’s gaining courage by waltzing in here and interrupting me. No, not doing that, but by now… (sigh).

Well, things I don’t have to guess about, like wanting to go to sleep. But you know me too well, Triple B. Sleep can mean plenty to me. Sleep, sex, that other S word. The one bringing the cops to the door. I don’t remember what night that was or when I returned to you. Braxton from “I’ll Be Missing You” to I’m “Coming Home.” I never doubted that you’d be back safe and sound on Friday, January 29, 2021. A few new meds B III? I should have let them give you those for your appetite. It would have been better if I had listened to you. How did we get on this topic? No need to guess; I always remember my great sin.

Braxton, guess I’m saving money, that the medicine will do its thing, my muscles endure. I can’t tell you what the vets said about V, but his appointment is this week, so I must guess. Did I wish death upon you when the vets started talking about Chronic Renal Failure? And now Virgil is going for his first check-up with me… I’m still thinking about his nails needing to get clipped. Guess what? It’s always about me and how I look as a human B. Not his human. At least, I don’t see it that way yet. Does that sound mean B III? It might. Hating so much, fearing all and Triple X. Things that are certain in existence; anything else… B, V, Guess What

Always and Forever,
Your Dad