Tag: Writer

Saga 280 ~Braxton Reads To Virgil~

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This is the first poem/song I’ve written in forever. I need to write the “Balance” App a good review… As I have no idea where this came from. Focus? When am I not focused on porn? When I’m crying about my boy. And my country? Braxton Reads To Virgil.

Friday, April 7, 2023

Saga 280 ~Braxton Reads To Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Yeah, when pigs fly… Oh, really? Well then, when dogs read. But Braxton was much more.

“He’s My Son.” But, “he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Isn’t that great? I’m crying at 7:20 AM. At least the tears kept me from reading the alarm clock for the 3 hours I wasted. It’s a miracle to get up on time for anything but Hell. Um, “Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?” Okay, I’ll quit with all the songs, but they beat the Bible slightly? It’s “Good Friday,” Lady Sophia. And even though I want the miracle of Braxton coming back… I won’t be reading the “Good Book.” You know, like the Republicans who are saying today “Good Riddance” to two black lawmakers. First, I didn’t realize that was the title of a song. Second, To the Tennessee GOP Ahem: FUCK YOU!

You see, it wasn’t all porn I was reading as I dried my tears and wasted time today. But since we’re on the subject. When are we not when it comes to my horniness every day. (Sigh) Internet Porn, Ahem:

Money Talks to Jessi Stone. Another, Jessie, likes to roam. At Dong’s Diner,
Rasberry, to Residents a drink, be wary. OnlyFans but Magy’s vag.
Magical but in a bag. Dollies’ hands. The Savior’s man. Momo’s tits while Dani’s sick. Dirty maids, not today. But on the floor, there’s lingerie.
And Ukraine a Stormy way. With little pricks of presidents, Blonde Melody, and BBCs.
Parker’s boned, but Tennessee? M Anime, the news today? Getting harder anyway.
And Fuu amongst the samurai and Retweeting all the hentai, and the final fantasy of Cherry’s body longed to see

We Didn’t Start The Horny

What the eff! I have no idea where that came from, Lady Sophia. I meant to make a “We Didn’t Start The Fire” reference. I guess I lied about the music, huh? But with all the “adult” themes today. Be it porn or politics (sigh). I meant to tell you everything I wouldn’t be reading today but now? Other than the fact I’ve spent an hour rewording this song… Why? Let’s say… I care about Virgil Vivi and don’t want him abandoned. If I said everything, Sophia. As I’m sure, Braxton tells Virgil, which is why Virgil is hiding in here. Braxton, my little ghost dog? Braxton Reads To Virgil

796 Days Without B III, Day 237 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

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I was so lazy today. I didn’t remember how effed I felt yesterday. Or how about how sick I’ve been since when February 16? And with the Day Job, how many people do I owe money to? Well, B got out, and Virgil isn’t really helping. Virgil Says, B Lazy.

Thursday, April 6, 2023

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

795 Days Without B III, Day 236 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Am I even listening to you or anyone worthwhile? Well, to be honest, that’s you.

And I want to say I hear you, B. Hell! There was a time we could read each other’s minds. You never lost that ability, but you know how humans are. I was telling Inspector Echo last night that I’m not human. Only that would be an insult to the monster or savage I claim to be. Regardless. Today I have been lazy… And sick too. Remember those 4 AMs? I can’t say I’ve been doing much writing. And didn’t NaNoWriMo start up again, B? There was a time you would have wanted me to play with you all day. Or I would bring the laptop outside. And I would type as you run around; or bring your pillow. Nowadays, I’m listening to mine because of Virgil… I can’t say I understand him yet, B.

So I’m making it up that he’s happy. If I’m not being some asshole GOP Trumptard. Then I’m my Olds. Pretending that everything is okay and not wanting to hear a damn thing ever. Your last year on Earth, Braxton, you prepared me for this world to go to Hell. Because if I wasn’t going to get up off my ass to save it? I could at least save us. And how did that turn out? I failed you. And all I’ve been thinking about is how much I want to hear you again. Heartbeat, breath, those little grunts when I was annoying. Infamous looks? Those I remember most. You didn’t have to say anything.

Now, what am I listening to? My body? If that were the case, why not turn on the AC ha? I wish I could say it was this sickness, The Cherry Collision. Today’s better (snickers). There’s some girl you never met… Better known as M Anime, so texting all morning. There’s, of course, sex. But I never flaunted that in front of you. Endless punishment. Ironic. Isn’t it? I wanted you to get in trouble or do your own thing so I could do whatever; now, going on Day 97 (sigh). Hell! Not that you care to hear that or my record of 161 days. That’s what I call being lazy or sad. Not living but existing. Lazy and not dying? Virgil Says, B Lazy

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 273 ~Those B Notes Virgil~

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This is the song that doesn’t end. When I am talking bout my friend. That’s why I didn’t sing to V. Or tell my boss to eff off. How about telling the truth? Kindle says I finished the story. Oh, WrestleMania. I should be reading Those B Notes, Virgil

Friday, March 31, 2023

Saga 273 ~Those B Notes Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. If I had a dollar for every time I listened to the Succubus Lord series, hmm?

Hell! I’ve listened to all 19 books, and I’m just breaking over four times… Republican? Sophia, like them, I pull facts, figures, and fuckery out of my ass. Things Braxton knows. Why? Because I would talk to him each and every day. I still do. But what does that mean for Virgil? That’s what I was thinking about. Today as I got his name right. Inevitable. Sophia, I’m surprised I even remembered his name with my reading habits. Today wasn’t a good day for that. And yes, you can tell I’m trying to avoid the subject of 2V if I’m being honest. It feels wrong somehow. But I did try talking to him while walking in. Humiliations Galore I’ll tell you about and never read.

Again and never. Let’s start with the Day Job. First, there was the lady with all the boxes in her car. There was the one that I couldn’t help finding curtains for. Remember the utter silence when I had to load the truck this afternoon? Black history, I AM A MAN. Anxiety—a vet appointment. There’s also computer literacy. And these vitamins aren’t working, Sophia. All the things I need to read. And that includes “A Black Women’s History of the United States.” I “finished” reading it yesterday, but you know… Not the Notes, Index, Photos, and Copyright. I’m an effing liar, Sophia. Or it feels that way. You know, editing and the like (sigh). And if only Braxton were here right now for me.

He couldn’t speak the words, share in my sins… well, ask his Aunt Carolina about our love of boobs. Braxton couldn’t sign. But every day. I did take note that he loved me… loves me. Not one word. But what do they say about actions, ha? Right, because I’m wrong. I was standing in the kitchen as Virgil waited for me, and I didn’t burst out into singing as I might have for Braxton on occasion. I continue to call for him and his medicine. Yesterday or the day before, there was an email about him needing his shots Sophia. Today though, I was making notes that I want a life without people in it. Or myself. Note effing shut up. Those B Notes Virgil

789 Days Without B III, Day 230 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 272 ~To B Losers Virgil~

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“This is a commune. We’re communists.” “This is a rebellion, isn’t it? I rebel” I’m a loser, so I lose. I was losing my little boy before I knew it. I lose time trying to be… A writer, a web designer? I lose my mind over boobs. V? To B Losers Virgil.

Thursday, March 30, 2023

Saga 272 ~To B Losers Virgil~

788 Days Without B III, Day 229 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My wonderful boy, Will’s son. I’ll let the world know. My work and my woman.

So despite being in bed most of the week. And this is after the Day Job. Hell! Braxton, you would have demanded we cuddle. Well, not that Wednesday before you passed. Frightening to be in love with a dead man. Okay, so we have the movie Troy and now The Matrix. Not that I have been relaxing at all this week. Last night was… effed’ up. Braxton, I was reminded of how you were crying, and I went all Reservoir Dogs. “Say it: you’re gonna be okay! Say the goddamn words: you’re gonna be okay!” The next day B. It found you right where Virgil is now—lying beside me with no plans whatsoever. Braxton, we were/are losers. Only you didn’t mind. You didn’t know what I would do Sunday.

I cared more about my work than my goddamn son! And for once, I’m not talking about the Day Job. Last night I was working right where I am now. Then this whole place fell. I spent half the night trying to fix it. And then I called for help. Can you shut up, B? Remember, that’s what I said to you, thinking you were annoying. What came next? That’s what I ask myself every time I punch these keys or pick up the pen. What about my damn penis? When I’m afraid, I either want to pee my pants or pull them off altogether. I’m either a pathetic little boy or a pervert. Or I’m in pain because, worse thing, my boy is dead.

I lost you, Triple B. I need to back up my work. Publish your books. And be prepared for whatever this night is going to bring. So far, only the continued feeling of loss, Braxton. Didn’t I say yesterday that I was taught losing is okay? I wonder what it’s like to win for once. I’ve said it many times, I won the day you had a choice, and you jumped in the car with me. I was still a loser. But love is the prize. Not that I agree with that song at all. Braxton, I won that Sunday; you were dying, and you looked… “Daddy, let’s go home.” You didn’t lose your fight. I taught you to win. Virgil? To B Losers Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 266 ~To B Instructional Virgil~

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I think I should write all I need to do for the day sometimes. Don’t I do that on Sundays? But change the air filter, fix the fence, and find the funds for meds. Then there’s the freeloader, um, Virgil. Teaching him and me. To B Instructional Virgil.

Friday, March 24, 2023

Saga 266 ~To B Instructional Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But unlike most nowadays, I can’t say I started with such and such amount of money.

Don’t get me wrong. I know Lady Sophia. Plenty of people pull themselves up by their bootstraps. as THEY say. You know I want to be all, “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Hell! All day yesterday as I wandered the Day Job, ha. Welcome to your manhood. Nobody teaches you to be a man. Or should I say a good one? The stuff I do, Lady Sophia. Is it sad that Braxton, to this day, is my most tremendous success? Greatest Grammarly… And, of course, how did B III end?

“Pain in my heart but I put it in the grave
Pain in my soul but I put it in the grave
Nowhere else to put it, that’s the way that I was raised –”

Well, you can see what I’ve been reading lately. Stormzy’s Interlude. Do I need to remember Thursday, March 23, 2023, as the date I started listening to Spotify again? How about finding a pet psychic?

What? To read to me about my boy? Hell! I have two books about my son that I won’t even read. No, because I “want” to go to the Day Job instead. And then I’ll return here and read about all the Humiliations Galore I suffered all day. Next week is going to be bad. How to be a horrible human being. I have a plethora of books about that. But I can come up with some “original” ideas. But my Republican tendencies. Then again, I could try, you know. Like last night. I was thinking about how to beat my illness without hospital intervention. This led to me looking up naughty nurses and wanting to eff a particular girl in a hospital gown. Who?

I’m no doctor, do-gooder, or even a dog trainer. V would agree wholeheartedly. I’m sure. No, Lady Sophia. I’m an effing “deviant.” Or, at best, a DOM. Even worse, disgusting. Only I’m not trying to heal anybody, teach, and what about love? Braxton taught that. Yet, like all those dead fur baby books, I’m not reading anymore. Sophia, this week’s title… A Black Women’s History of the United States. Finishing it next week, I hope. That’s the only way I’ll read. I complete another Kindle Challenge, and for what, my Lady? I’m reading paychecks and bills, showing my idiocy. Instructions on how to die, Sophia. The clock tells me what to do, and I wonder why I fail. Myself, Braxton, Virgil. To B Instructional Virgil

782 Days Without B III, Day 223 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 265 ~Heal B, Heel V~

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When I got put off my Olds health plan. Many, many years ago. My Ma said I didn’t get sick or hurt often. I’ve been good for eye exams here. Shots for Covid there. A bacterial infection. I had my boy and a few good chicks. But now Heal B, Heel V

Thursday, March 23, 2023

Saga 265 ~Heal B, Heel V~

781 Days Without B III, Day 222 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’ve had a surprising one here or there. At least, sometimes. I’m healing. I think.

That doesn’t sound like much. I know. Considering I couldn’t save you. Your life’s work. It was keeping me safe, B III. I’m still breathing. So how dare I mock it, right? Hell! I still call V the freeloader. Ha! I can hear your voice… “I Think I Can. I Think I Can…” um, telling me, not cool, bro. Hmm. It isn’t, I know. But I did try and block off that gap in the fence. That’s for his protection. But when it rains, it pours Little B. Little V needs so many things right now. Well, you did too? And when did I start to care? Too late! Again I know. If I’m so bright, I should have been a doc. I did want to be a vet once.

A reason to get up in the morning. But these days, it has nothing to do with the new day. I’m usually sick. That’s TMI. At least I’m sleeping at all, right? I can say that. It always comes back to you, Braxton. I should live as though I’m watching you all night long B. When’s the last time I got a good night’s sleep? I love being asleep, B III. Allow me to be like that little girl in Blue Gender. Something to the tune of… I wish I could go to sleep for a long time. Because when you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you. To sleep forever. That’s what I thought about at the Day Job today. Being antsy, Angry, Anxiety Braxton.

Both heads are a mess these days, my friend. Yet I want you, B, to rest in peace. Good Luck. Only you’re no doctor. A hero, not a heel, but a healer. If only I could tell you about today. Yes, we’re talking early because by the time you see this… Thursday will be horrible; Wednesday, March 22, 2023… other than begging to get off early when I need money. There’s a body to fix, a fence, and the freeloader. The word keeps popping up. I’m sorry, Braxton. Anyway, Virgil’s been summoned for a vet appointment. It still gives me chills, or is that The Sickness? I mean, mine, Virgil, is okay. Only shots, I think. Fixing; um, saving me. Running. Heal B, Heel V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 259 ~Write Way, Braxton, Virgil~

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Busy living or dying? I exist. And it’s getting harder to breathe. Not that bothered B III. But I won’t ever write that what I did was right. Not when I’m writing about everything wrong with me. Going on with V. “Write Way, Braxton, Virgil”

Friday, March 17, 2023

Saga 259 ~Write Way, Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I shouldn’t have any health issues. But you know I’m an effing liar… sometimes. Often?

The biggest lie I ever told? As I was telling Braxton the Wednesday when he was trying to get my attention. The Friday as I put him in the car to go to the vet. There was the Saturday night I lay beside him. And Sunday, January 31, 2021, as I carried him back to the vet… Like the song goes AHEM, “We gon’ be alright.” And here we are, 775 days later. Well, one of us. Today is one of those days I want to be with my son. Well, that’s every day, to be sure. Only today, even more so. I heard something interesting this morning. You know that word unalive? “THEY” use it to keep their content. The almighty dollar, as always.

Since I can’t use the effing S-Word because I don’t need the cops showing up at the door… um again. I’ll only say I want to be with my son. The freeloader… Virgil Vivi’s here. Sophia, it’s the only reason I’m not buck-naked lying here with some chicken noodles. Hell! All of the times I almost died before I met Braxton. Relax, Lady Sophia, you can say I’m quoting a movie. How about a book? Remember I said I’m an effing liar, I believe. According to the Kindle Challenge and now Goodreads, I read “How to Be an Antiracist.” Everything but the Notes and About the Author sections. And what about watching The 1619 Project. I need my eyes for that, don’t I? SIGH trying.

But today, let’s start with the basics. The Cherry Collision once The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident is kicking my ass. How the Hell did I survive the Day Job. Eff Me! On that subject, it’s why I’m late talking to you, Sophia. I was writing Cherry and reading M Anime. At least for a few minutes, I didn’t feel like joining B. Women and fur babies. But then we get to my eyes which have been itching and burning. Effing maddening. When I returned, I immediately popped a painkiller and shared some fries with Virgil. Would Braxton be proud of me? It shows I’m trying to keep existing. Talking to you, looking up drugs. Knowing my son is dead, but today. Write Way, Braxton, Virgil

775 Days Without B III, Day 216 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 258 ~Virgil’s A Pain, B~

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Pain’s a big subject that I could never do justice to. Well, except once… Hell! A week. But I knew Wednesday. I thought nothing about it Thursday. Friday, we saw a vet. And Sunday, my son died. That’s pain. Not this and not now. “Virgil’s A Pain, B.”

Thursday, March 16, 2023

Saga 258 ~Virgil’s A Pain, B~

774 Days Without B III, Day 215 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How can I while being such a meanie? It’s more like because of the pain.

You’re dead, Braxton. Anytime I feel like it’s too much. When I finally decide I don’t deserve this, I become all Tammy Rose meets Yuri Orlov, with some Robert Neville. “My son is dead,” “My brother’s dead,” “Everybody! Every single person that you or I has ever known is dead! Dead! There is no god!” My suffering, betrayal, and treachery. B, this is it. And sadly, it keeps up existence. My Republican Tendencies, B III. Who needs hope, hmm? Not when there’s sadness and rage. And my personal favorite, FEAR. A lot more without you. That’s your daddy, alright. Always being the selfish prick I am. Oh, and speaking of… There’s The Cherry Collision from Thursday, February 16, 2023. A month since my idiocy brought…

“Pain, Pain…” I know there’s some song that goes like that. But finding it? Well, Triple B, if there’s one thing I’m an expert at finding, it’s Triple X. Looking up a word like sadism. “The tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.” All but two seconds, B. Timing my bathroom visits? Yes, I know, TMI, dude. But you were the Todd to my Jacob. I started reading that series Succubus Lord when you were alive. Now I listen to it every day. Audible sees a problem. But anyway, I never got anything from hurting you. And killing you. Ellie and Joel… Braxton, you know I could go all in on that. Mental, Physical, Emotional, poor me…

But I haven’t learned, have I? Virgil is upstairs by his lonesome. It’s not fair for me to say he’s a pain in the ass after he has learned so much. Ending suffering, misery, and training. That’s for both of us. Only he ain’t you, and that’s “What Hurts The Most.” I sense another playlist, Braxton. You know I’m still pissed about Crazy Town’s Butterfly selection? Humiliation Braxton, and I was the only one who heard it. Effing mental anguish, Braxton. Only again, that’s nothing compared to the physical right now. Too late to see doctors. Then there’s how others feel. I’m ignoring your aunt, what I did to Cherry, again there’s Virgil. But you and I? And yet I’ll say Virgil’s A Pain, B.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 252 ~Burning B’s Books, Virgil’s…~

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If I end up burning in Hell… more than likely, “All These Things That I’ve Done.” I wouldn’t destroy one word of my son’s story. Then again, women, family, the Day Job, and other assorted crimes. Not killing B III. “Burning B’s Books, Virgil’s…”

Friday, March 10, 2023

Saga 252 ~Burning B’s Books, Virgil’s…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I wanted to start today off with another lie? I don’t have time. There’s Virgil…

Please! That is the only reason I’m sitting here on the loveseat instead of in a “comfy” bed. It’s because of V. I couldn’t stand him lying on my leg. For some reason, it was annoying ok. Do I feel like being a meanie today? One more morning, I didn’t wake up in Hell. Or did I? What is this place? I’m so damn tired, and that was after an energy drink. I did pass out for five minutes before I took it, though. And if it wasn’t because of reading bottles… Sophia, I’m still reading How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. I swear! One more thing making me want to burn this Mother Effer to the ground. This is America. Right?

I haven’t been brushing up on any song lyrics. But I’m still pissed. I said sometime last week that the first song I played on Spotify this year was Butterfly. Me and my wayward dick. In case you’re ever wondering where I am when I should be talking, Lady Sophia. To you, to Braxton, to the other girls. The Man in the Mirror. Ain’t like he ever listens to me. Again that’s with being pumped full of energy drinks. I was up at 4:00. Billionaire? Burning daylight looking up Lucy Tyler, Kiara Gold, and Amilia Onyx, to name a few. Sophia, I could burn every Playboy and Penthouse in the world… can’t stop the signal. And so I’m here. 10:00 in the morning. Time wasted!

But that doesn’t mean we should go around burning books. What about B III’s novels? Did you think I was going to forget about him today? What about Braxton’s auntie? Sophia, does she mourn her fur baby as I mourn mine every day? All the tears in the world couldn’t douse the fire I have for writing. Oh no, that would be The Cherry Collision. Yes, it looks like I will continue to suffer from that. Yep, with all these money issues. Something else I was doing this morning. I looked at all the cash burning. Such is failure. It might also explain why I won’t publish Braxton’s works. Burning. Someday I might end up burning them. Black writer, Republican tendencies… B’s Burning Books, Virgil’s

768 Days Without B III, Day 209 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 251 ~Smile Virgil, Fangs B~

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Dumb Ways to Die. Let Virgil take a few fingers eating fries… (B III knows better). Get a smile stuck on my face at the Day Job, then smash my head Humiliations Galore, etc. But whenever I wake up, surprise then disappointment. Smile Virgil, Fangs B

Thursday, March 9, 2023

Saga 251 ~Smile Virgil, Fangs B~

767 Days Without B III, Day 208 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? What time is it? FUCK! It is only a half-day, and I’ve already wasted $40.00

Well, if it made you happy. I should have bought you fries that Wednesday. It would have been the last day you could enjoy them. Am I right? But you know how I was. One more hard week down and Humiliations galore. And I had to do it while smiling. Braxton, I woke up this afternoon, and it was like something out of King of the Hill. You know when Hank shook Bush’s hand. Surprise, then disappointment. That’s being alive. Existence. I shouldn’t look down on it, should I? I want to say you’d be happier lying by my side than the freeloader. One day I won’t call V that. Um, cut to my disappointment. That’s how I was this afternoon waking up after lunch.

V biting me doesn’t scare me at all. With all the med stuff I still have going on. My bad. What do I know about doctors and things? It’s not like they told me I’ll die. A shock B III. No! It was such fear when they told me that you were dying. The face I must have made way back then. Did I say that? It’s only been two years. And what do I have to show for it? It is much too early to start thinking about E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction B III. Or is that the only day I eat well? If it wasn’t for the rain today. Was I afraid, Braxton? That’s the worse look on my face. I look STUPID.

Only it could be worse… Well no. When it comes to my face, shall I perform Heaven’s Light for you? “No face as hideous as my face. Was ever meant for Heaven’s light.” B III. You had such a cute face. To this day, Braxton, you are the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. Okay, the most handsome. The last time I was all mushy with you… (sigh). Yeah, it was in the vet’s office when we had to say goodbye. How many times have I cried writing this? At least I ain’t moaning in another sort of way. Clothes on, Virgil sleeping. Sharing fries with him, he nearly took some fingers. To bleed to death… and join you. Smile Virgil, Fangs B.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad