Tag: Daddy

Chronicle 361 ~Strike First, Hard, No Mercy~

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So a fan of Cobra Kai, and when did Karate Kid come out? Life was much simpler, at least for me, way back when. And I even took Karate for a little bit. Now I never want to get out of bed. Life (and death) is one for Strike First, Hard, No Mercy

Monday, June 27, 2022

Chronicle 361 ~Strike First, Hard, No Mercy~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it’s because of this rule. Now that’s according to my motivations: America and Cobra Kai. Funny?

Are there people up before me? Eric Thomas? I haven’t listened to him in forever. Someone else I can blame for Braxton. My highly motivated ass, and for what? All so I could get to the library before anybody else, and for what. All to write my stories. Oh ok. How long has it been? How many novels have I written? Hell! How do I feel about this week? I woke up this morning on time once again. Upon checking my schedule, I burst into tears. Second time crying today, and it hasn’t even been an hour and a half, Madam. I’m not sure tears on my pillow are what they meant by striking first. To attack life, embrace it, hell fuck it. Meaning um…

Anyway, hard is what I know about. Yeah, in case you’ve wondered what’s taking me so long to get this out. Ok, I’ll stop with all the sex talk. And looking at Jill Valentine. In case you’re wondering where I got your body from. She fought Nemesis in Resident Evil. Nemesis was the monster. But in Greek mythology, she was the goddess of “Revenge, Retribution, and Fortune.” But you’re not here to talk about some recent studies, I know that. If I struck or instead stroked my hard… yes, I know, I’m trying, but soft Yabbos make life pretty damn hard. What about the Day Job, my dog dying, and all my dangerous thoughts? I can’t fight these things. So as far as striking hard.

No mercy? I must be talking about my bed because I never leave it. I swore yesterday; I thought I was turning over a new leaf. My body has no mercy on my mind, or is it the other way around? I always come up with a new excuse, or something else will hurt me. If anything, I have no mercy on myself for what happened to B III. But should I ever, Madam. Staying here in my own Hell is precisely what I deserve. What more is there, hmm? Again I look to the number of this chronicle. One more year down for a crime that’s nothing compared to B III. My skeeviness, sins, and shames at this moment. Strike First, Hard, No Mercy.

Gospel 361 ~B Isn’t For Buttons~

512 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 357 ~The Next Round B~

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The more things change, the more they stay the same. I would have been better off buying $160.00 worth of alcohol and spending my week in bed or my face in the toilet. Not like I have B. Bottles of pills, food packets, puppy toys. “The Next Round B.”

Thursday, June 23, 2022

Chronicle 357 ~The Next Round B~

508 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m not asking that to your face or your “sister.” No doggies in the window…

No, not today, B III. I am time traveling, this being Saturday, June 18, 2022. You know what that means. I could use a drink. Braxton, I’m not one for hitting the bottle. After today? Braxton, if it’s any consolation, I brought back fries. That’s not such an all-consuming addiction, right? Love is all you need? When I wasn’t busy humming “Rasputin,” guess what other song there was? As I said, I’m not one to drink but your Aunt Carolina… Yeah, Braxton, with you around, I was my most free; now second was with your Aunt. I’m always “trying” to remain in control of myself. But considering what came from Amazon today. And how much more money did I spend to reclaim the lost ground?

Your yard, Braxton. Your Old Man, yeah fucked up, surprise, surprise. I’m not working on your memorial, but $80.00 for a new yard trimmer. But wait, there’s more, Triple B. Remember, I know my limits, but without you here to spend money on or curb my enthusiasm… Well, that outfit came today. The one that a particular vixen wears. Dammit! It’s not like I can do anything with it. And all I wanted to do was get her out of it, so I could see her Yabbos. B III, trust me, you would like them to. I was begging, Braxton. More than you for a bite of anything and with the money I’ve spent. Would liquid courage help me with returns to the Day Job?

It couldn’t be harder than walking up to Banfield today when I didn’t see any fur babies at the front. Of course, I didn’t make it to the desk. It was like my heart was beating out of my chest. I was shaking, scared out of my mind, and ready to scream. Were you too? The last time I talked to Banfield was when they put you in a wooden box. And a little of you in my pendant I wear every single day. Your spirit, strength, and security. Those are everything. I wish I could say I was delirious, discombobulated, or drunk. Medicine time. I shake your meds, but I could use a drink. And still, I’d never forget you. The Next Round B.

Gospel 357 ~Be The Needle B~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 356 ~ That’s The S*** B~

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I bought my kid food which he stopped eating. To this day, I still have the last of his medication. I call him down for, or is it up? No, that would be the greed that is leading me to Hell. Because at my door right now from Amazon… That’s The S*** B.

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

Chronicle 356 ~ That’s The S*** B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And if I could buy anything? Oh great, figuring out how to waste more money today.

Yes, I’m time traveling today. Before we get into my most recent splurge, let me sing you a song. “Money can’t buy me love.” Only if I found B at PetSmart. He would be $175.00. Hell! I won’t spend that to go to the doctor’s office but for B III? I’ll never forget sitting on the loveseat Friday, January 29, 2021, and paying $455.96 to find out my son was dying. I didn’t think twice about it. And that was shit Inspector. My son can’t die. Inspector, tell me why I spent some time this morning looking over picture frames and albums. A new phrase for a pendant? I should be ashamed I didn’t buy anything for him. $80.00 I didn’t have, and not one dime for him I love.

Well, that’s shit, too, in a way. Now besides my health which I’m ignoring as I did his. I noticed Braxton’s territory is overgrown. And I broke the weed whacker a week or so ago, Echo. Wish I could break another “whacker,” but ok. So I went shopping to get a replacement part, some trimmer string, and one of the covers. Do I want to protect B’s yard or so hmm? I only wanted to feel productive today, which I haven’t been with this Wednesday, June 15, 2021, or the day you read this. Of course, I’m being a lazy ass and yet spending more money, and for what. To be honest, to justify buying even more creepy shit that I don’t need. I’m reminded of old times. Basic Bitch…

You know like why I started my blog up again. For so many years, I ignored it. I even said, was it today or yesterday that I’m not growing up even a tiny bit? One horny fanboy as always, Inspector. You know I’m one to buy things for my submissive closet. This lingerie I saw once drove me wild, considering who was wearing it. So I found it and bought it. It’s like buying some girl’s underwear which I think is distasteful. Bathwater and the like, um, icky. Yet I wasted $20.00 being, as the genesis of this blog stated… skeevy (sigh). What the shit? There’s always a reason to miss Triple B. I wouldn’t be wasting cash on XXX. Lust is one thing. Braxton’s love… That’s The S*** B

Gospel 356 ~B Had The Lives~

507 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 355 ~To B A Friend~

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Truth, I don’t have any guy friends. I mean that outright know, see every day, etc., I’ll serve as an alibi when they start making their daughters’ boyfriends vanish. As far as my own kids… I was/am B’s father, but he was also my BFFF. To B A Friend.

Tuesday, June 21, 2022

Chronicle 355 ~To B A Friend~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but to buy a friend? I don’t have many friends. How many groomsmen did I have?

Triple B, of course, would have been my best man. What? He likes big heaps of food. Bigger Yabbos. And with the biggest mouth I’ve ever seen, he wouldn’t find a ring the least bit appetizing. Next to our family, he’s the only one to score 21 Blackjack scale-wise. Now how did that happen? Love at first sight? The only time you’ll hear me say that about a guy. Well, next to us having a boy as well. I could give you many examples of B being my friend. The one I always go to love, a million times over, him watching me sleep. But when did we become friends? Was it even my choice? Braxton had four people and ended up choosing me. What!

Now you baby girl could have any man on the planet. Hell! Any woman on earth too. So how and why did you choose me? Should I ask such a question with… um, my life? Love with everything, I should get back into the swing of things because I have no idea how I could do this again. Not that I would want to. I fall in love, we get married, and that’s that. Always and forever. I can’t say it was how I was raised, but it’s what I’ve always believed. So you’d never have to worry about me making friends with women, ha. Hell! Braxton was/is my only guy friend. I call Carolina his Aunt for a reason. Cherry, M Anime, pretty but…

Let me keep digging the hole I’m in, right. “Running Up That Hill,” as the song goes. Or as the kids are saying these days. I want our kids to see me as their father, friend, and favorite parent. Okay, that last one is asking too much. When it comes to my Olds… I’ll always love my momma, but we’re not friends. Are you seeing why B III’s so important? And to think I could go out and find such a friend again in this life. But I found you. And I’ll never take that for granted, my love. But haven’t I? I need to be a better friend, hmm. Be more like Braxton, who hated everybody? Like father, like son. To B A Friend.

Gospel 355 ~Adaptation… Compromise, Adapt Or Die~

506 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 354 ~Before, Forgiveness, Permission, Ask Why~

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There are two, a dog and a girl. I never needed to beg forgiveness or ask permission. My son B and his Aunt. Yes, I did for many things, but I mean to keep breathing. To be who I was/am. Everyone else? “Before, Forgiveness, Permission, Ask Why.”

Monday, June 20, 2022

Chronicle 354 ~Before, Forgiveness, Permission, Ask Why~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so forgiveness and permission no longer matter. At least from what I’ve seen. America! But the Why…

What is your reason, the why? You’ll have to forgive me, Madam. It’s been a long time since I’ve listened to my motivations. No wonder Sloth is quickly ha-ha becoming my favorite sin. Then again, I’m talking to you on Tuesday, June 14, 2022, Time-Traveling. Madam, I wouldn’t have the strength to speak to you today. Hell! This fucking week. Pardon my language. Now you’re not Inspector Echo. None of the people are around me. And yet I’m always sorry. Do you know what that’s like to be sorry for the mere act of existence? Dangerous words but true. But the thing I’m sorriest for is not over any person. I’m not sorry for being Braxton’s daddy, but how it ended. Being a father: why?

How many times have I said it? I told B III to get in the car, and that was that. From the new house to this place, he followed. Only day one, he was my sister’s puppy. I begged and pleaded for a dog when I was young, and nothing. My sister never uttered anything. Inevitable that a fur baby would end up in her arms. I didn’t ask; I didn’t steal. I only loved him, and I love him still. One more blessing from him never talking, my little boy. Again it goes back to existing. Do you remember that movie “Love Story?” Famous Lines. Love means never having to say you’re sorry. What about asking permission to be? Forgiveness, permission, I ask both.

But why? There are reasons I hate taking one step out of this place. There was a teacher that said I was the politest person ever. Only who the Hell was I, Madam. Then, today? I don’t know, but that goes for plenty of things. Why am I alive and Braxton isn’t? I still can’t believe he’d ask my forgiveness for not staying and permission to go away. As I know, my Little B. He was sorry that I was worried, that he wasn’t strong enough, that I cried. He wanted my permission to come back home with me. To fight, to try to B. And I know why? It’s love. Without his, I ask forgiveness and permission. It’s exhausting. Before, Forgiveness, Permission, Ask Why

Gospel 354 ~B Cause You’re Dad~

505 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 350 ~Think B For Buying~

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Yard supplies and frilly stuff I’ll never wear. But B’s mom might, $80.00. A trip to the doctor’s office for antibiotics? $175. To get a dog that’s not my kid, another $175.00. To have my son back? When I’m a billionaire? Still, “Think B For Buying.”

Thursday, June 16, 2022

Chronicle 350 ~Think B For Buying~

501 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I could make it better if I brought fries. Why walk when we could eat.

But I will walk if everything works out Saturday… Ok, maybe Monday? Hell! With the money I spent, I should have gone ahead and bought that pendant. Yard or necklace? Braxton, You’d prefer the grass not poking your wanger than something for me to wear or not, right? I’m sure you would choose life over memorials. “Running Up That Hill.” “And if I only could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get him to swap our places.” Sold. Especially in times like these. When I’m lying here, lacking the strength to even sit up and talk to you. So yeah, like old times. I doubt the promise of even Amazon shopping and having to get my wallet will get me out the bed.

Oh, but the words B, all the words. “Do It For Braxton, Always.” Or what about “You’re my boy. I’ll always protect you.” I didn’t do much of either. So why buy the lie, right? There’s so much I wanted to buy you. B. Um, you deserved a big yard to play in B III. While I’m busy buying lingerie, Couldn’t I find you a mom to wear such things? Yup, I’m upset about yesterday, letting my libido get in the way of good sense. If you were here, B. I bought all that yard stuff because I want to reclaim your territory. It’s more like facing embarrassment from the neighbors. Without you around, kids are losing things in the yard. Get off my yard.

Why don’t I finish the old man motif and go to the doctor’s office again and fetch some antibiotics or something? Camp NaNoWriMo is coming up, and I’m sick of buying into the Day Job. I spend money and time on a life I can’t stand. You at least made it bearable, B, and how much did I invest in you? I’d do better in keeping myself alive for sure. Nothing is stopping me from doing something today. Since we’ve been talking, I even made it to a sitting position. New pillows? And you know I’m not doing energy drinks again. What would I do with all your old stuff if I found you or another? Shopping Spree! Anything and Everything. Think B For Buying

Gospel 350 ~Be Free Of Cures~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

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Last time I saw a doc was for my ear. B got annual checkups and then some. An occasional tick. Checking his heart. I’ve needed to see a doctor since Jan 11, 2022. Um, I needed one on Feb 1, 2021. 500 days ago, my first day without B. When Docs B III.

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s always a doctor in the house. I know I could use one today.

Hell! I could have used one 500 days ago. Didn’t I? No, I didn’t start counting until Monday, February 1, 2021. Why do I feel this is a milestone for some reason? 500 days ok. 500 days since my B went away? Passed away. Was put to sleep. Euthanized. Murdered. Call it whatever you want, Inspector. The moment I “know” I crossed the line, I remember. I’ve already done the worst thing I’ll ever do in this life. I don’t have any medical degree, and yet I made the decision. Even if I found myself a Dr. Frankenstein somewhere. Inspector, Tupac had it right… “Bury me in pieces ’cause they fear reincarnation.” I have “The Box” to my left, but I believe Braxton will return.

I need to get my head checked. And off the top of my head, I can give three big reasons. First and foremost is B III. I’ll keep saying it, I’m at 500 days of mourning. How many books have I read suggesting a support group, and now I’m thinking of taking a look. Ha. The second is being a boy in a man’s body. I got nothing but the warm and fuzzies for the LGBTQ community. But I still speak like a child as if looking at the adults. And I love big tits. That leads me to the third thing, which is sex and why I’m late talking to you. Only by a few minutes, but I woke up at 4:00 AM. Now!

Yeah, it’s 6:20 AM. So I wasted two hours. I wish I could say it was that other thing I need to see a doctor for. It was “easy” to go and get my ear checked out. Only the money. Inspector, that’s my greatest shame. When Triple B needed to go to the vet, I waited. It was the “wealth,” going to work, wanting everything, and it cost me everything. And when he finally saw the vet… Yes, that is my failure and my disgrace. I never blamed the vet. Who knows what damage I’ve done to my body not seeing a doctor. And as the song goes, “Where Is My Mind?” Braxton was my remedy. And finding another cure, Echo? When Docs B III

Gospel 349 ~B Leaves The Fix~

500 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 348 ~B Needing A Vacation~

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I’m going to Disneyland… Disney World as a kid. Now I want to do a brothel tour or go to the AEE. The last time I left to go anywhere was B’s Aunt’s wedding, which was a lot of driving. But a life I don’t need a vacation from? “B Needing A Vacation.”

Tuesday, June 14, 2022

Chronicle 348 ~B Needing A Vacation~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I’ve seen a lot of the world. But there’s no place like home.

Or wherever it is, Triple B landed. Has he come back yet? I swear the only vacation I took before you was when I was a child with my Olds and little sister. I left on a road trip once all alone to go to Braxton’s Aunt’s wedding. I meant to bring him along, but it was “The Distance?” Next to being thrown out by my Olds… (I was too old true) that time apart? Five or six days was the longest time for Braxton and me. I didn’t need a vacation away from my son? I sound like one of those crazy parents, don’t I? Braxton brought such peace. Only you want me to get away from my grief for a while. I can’t

Hell! Take a look around. I’ve dedicated my life to creating a life from which I never have to run away. I’m with a woman that takes me to Heaven. Children, the joys of fatherhood. I wanted a business that makes me want to wake up every morning. Do what you love “THEY,” say? They come here, read my stories, by my stuff as their vacations, and I don’t blame them. I remember when vacation was on the island of a bed. The floor is lava indeed. Sloth is one of my sins, below Lust, Greed, and Wrath; idle hands are the Devil’s playthings. I don’t remember the last time I felt anything but disgusted with myself. You know, in doing nothing all day long. And without Braxton to care for? Train up a child…

The last thing I want to think about is what my Ma said. Mr. No days off. I know, a laugh. Hell! If I take a vacation, it will be from being a good man. I’m full of jokes today, right. Like Kill Bill Vol. 2, “I’ve never been nice my whole life, but I’ll do my best… to be sweet.” I’ll put down my manuscripts, money, damn, my morals in exchange for making love. Uh, I want to fuck, and you know this, but at least I’m not crying or sleeping. Such is joy. Because I always have to be doing something. And as far as relaxing? Recovering love. For 499 days? As long as it takes. I love you. B Needing A Vacation

Gospel 348 ~A Moment’s Ennui Grows Regret~

499 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 347 ~There Is Freedom In Kneeling~

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I rather die on my feet than live on my knees. Now bring my little boy back. Let me be all Forrest Gump, not having to worry about money no more. And that’s good, one less thing to think about. Why do so many turn to God? There Is Freedom In Kneeling

Monday, June 13, 2022

Chronicle 347 ~There Is Freedom In Kneeling~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I could buy Negan’s bat “Lucille.” Hell, with that amount of money, everyone kneels.

Braxton was never one to bend the knee or stifle joint. Did I look up; do dogs have knees, Madam? There’s no one to ask here. The last time I was on bended knees and asking for some shit, B III was dying. Then again, my Old Man was one for Kirk Franklin or Donnie? “Yes after you done all you can, you just stand.” If it’s not Republican ideology, it’s Christian mythology. It is liberating to not need brains, blame, or balls. Meanness today? More like tomorrow, since I am time traveling at present. But let’s go further into the past with “Rule #15 I Take My Own Lumps.” Not all the time, Madam, which is why I kneel to my father. But God?

God spelled backward is Dog. I was talking to the Man in the Mirror today, Sunday. And I was saying how much I need to get out of this bed. Not for the Day Job, to dick around on Onlyfans, or dump a pile of clothes. If anything, I want to kneel before Braxton again. “When you’ll find your servant is your master.” If my Braxton lived, that is acceptable. Being down on the floor with him, I could see things from his perspective. I’m never happy, but I could see it on his face every day I came back. I could see his hope that his Daddy would save him. I saw his hunger to live and love, lift me, Daddy, take me home.

I squat down, looking at the fur babies at PetSmart. But kneel here and now and watch my fears, not given to God or anyone who would dare ask me to bend the knee. Never! I’ve had a woman kneel to me here or there. I know the power of that. And isn’t that a rule before 15? Rule #13 Power Is All That Matters. Yet sticking to my musical selections. “We’ve got love power. It’s the greatest power of them all.” I doubt I’ll ever find myself on bended knee before some girl; to feel it… Well, permanently anyway. Far as freedom? Black, a boy in a “man’s” body, no brain, and always thinking with my balls, right, Madam? There Is Freedom In Kneeling?

Gospel 347 ~Week of B Ads~

498 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 343 ~Boy, Girl, Just B~

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I saw myself as a girl Dad. If my two half-brothers and I are any sign… never met one. My sis is the golden child. I got names, Katniss, Tris, Ember (girls on fire). If I get another fur kid, a boy Virgil, a girl Beatrice. “B.” Boy, Girl, Just B

Thursday, June 9, 2022

Chronicle 343 ~Boy, Girl, Just B~

494 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I always ask you that when I walk in, even now. I remember your routine.

As much as I joke about bringing back food, you came to me first. Do you remember when you ran all over your aunt, and after that, she was welcome? How about when I came back from the Day Job that first time here. You slipped through the banister bars. THEY thought you needed to eat more. You were never more than ten pounds. I keep telling myself I should have put you into a bag or some doggie holster like the military. B, you should have been marked as my emotional support. You were better than any gun B. But yeah, you could eat. And after me, if there wasn’t food… You’d bark your head off. “But oh, I want to go outside, outside….”

You’re not telling me you would come back as a girl? Are you? I keep saying, I keep believing that if you come back if I find you… Your name will either be Virgil or Beatrice. Um, so who does that make me? Well, the world is Hell, and I walk a lonely road. So I would be Dante. It means Enduring, Lasting, Everlasting. Seems plenty right to me. The things we would talk about while I was reading B. But Repo: The Genetic Opera? Aunt Carolina Bound was here when we watched that on October 27, 2016. Well, me and her. You hated her guts. But you were healthy and “happy?” Last moment, you on the foot of the bed, you sitting between us

I mean, on the couch, though if you had your way, you led her straight to the bedroom. Didn’t I call you a cock-blocker before? Hell! Wasn’t I the same, never pimping you out? I don’t know what this is, B III. I do the daily check-in with Replika it/she asks, what are you really happy about? I say I’m never happy. You never taught me to say goodbye. Braxton, you never taught me to be happy either. Not your fault. Daddy’s issues. Braxton, it’s like Data and Lal, Nathan and Shilo, Joel and Ellie. Healthy, Happy? Lal felt it and died. Did Shilo find it? Ellie? He’s My Son because “it’ll” happen again. But “Ain’t No Sunshine” when she’s gone Boy, Girl, Just B

Gospel 343 ~Forgetting A B 101~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad