Tag: Dog

Saga 091 ~Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely~

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Next to B III sitting at the foot of the bed, staring out the door on guard duty, I miss how he’d cuddle up next to me while I’m reading. Virgil tried that for a bit, but um, I’m toxic, and he’s in B III’s room by himself. “Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely.”

Friday, September 30, 2022

Saga 091 ~Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can invest in security cameras. Well, more than now. With such “Paranoia, paranoia!”

And no, not about B’s ghost. So is that it then; I no longer feel that B III has been reincarnated? Um, the last few books have been more dead people than fur babies, Sophia. Only Virgil hasn’t been around to hear any of this. Nope, this morning Virgil’s alone. Yeah, I’ve only walked into Braxton’s old room to check Virgil’s birthdate. Sophia, for the record, it’s October 20, 2020. Braxton Barks was still living during this period. I haven’t been shopping around Amazon for Virgil Vivi’s birthday gifts either. The Adoption Kit that I got, I’ve buried in a notebook behind porno. Don’t ask. But I have searched online for what could be wrong with him and all his hacking. A toxic “best friend?”

I swear he and I need to go and see a doctor, but I’m not ready to read those damn bills. It could be worse. There’s a reason I haven’t been watching much YouTube or wrestling, either. Do I need to watch the world go to Hell or see how fake it is? Blasphemy. To be honest. And I’m not sure how much I can do with you or anybody these days. I would go see a doctor. But next week will be more fucked up than the last, so Time Travel. Lots of writing to do today if I don’t fall asleep again. Not that my dreams/nightmares are lonely. The last one I saw the cops bursting in (pick a crime) and woke up.

Of course, I don’t have the time… Ha-ha, to write it all down. And I’ve pretty much forgotten the dream I had about Virgil/Braxton about a week ago. There are the books in front of me. I’m trying to listen to Succubus Lord 19 whenever I “need to” monologue into the void. I’m still reading “The Cabin at the End of the World.” How’s it going to end? There’s been death Sophia. Which reminds me, haven’t I written out my eulogy someplace? Yeah, I’ve been in a mood for days. In case someone is keeping tabs, I’ll leave it there. Only like the song, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” I said Virgil’s by himself. Trying to keep him alive. Sigh, Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely

607 Days Without B III, Day 048 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 090 ~Can Virgil B III~

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B III’s life or my own… no question, he’d be here. Virgil’s life or mine? Well, it’s only been 47 days. I don’t want it, and he certainly deserves it. Maybe I should stick to the dog books and not movie trailers. Knock at the Cabin… Can Virgil B III?

Thursday, September 29, 2022

Saga 090 ~Can Virgil B III~

606 Days Without B III, Day 047 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It sucks that I wasted another one. Yeah, where have you heard that before, hmm?

At least then, I was talking to you. And look, here come my tears for Tuesday, September 27, 2022. I’m starting to feel like the dude from “Quantum Leap” or “The Time Traveler’s Wife,” B Squared. More like Triple XXX as this talk should have been had… Um, way back when. Hell! It would be better if we could talk on Thursday but, you know what. Humiliations Galore, B III. And on days like this, you would come running to cuddle. A minus against Virgil Vivi… On the other side of the equation, Virgil’s beside me Tuesday. One of these days, I will answer the question, is Virgil you or not? I can’t think about that right now, sorry to say. No, not because of that… A book inspired me?

I still feel bad that I’m not reading a book about dogs. I’m sure I’ve talked about the movie Knock at the Cabin and the novel; it’s from “The Cabin at the End of the World.” Now, your daddy’s an asshole, but you would listen to whatever. Anyone else, beware. SPOILER ALERT!!! So Daddy Eric, Daddy Andrew, and their daughter Wen have to choose. Out of the three of them. One has to be sacrificed at the hands of the two. The world will end if they fail to choose or follow through with the sacrifice. I’m 30% done with the book. It should be 75% by the time you see this. Did I want to say it out loud? Yes, no, I don’t know.

But it got me thinking again. First of all, you were or are… the jury is still out on Virgil. Well, my apocalypse buddy. We were or are supposed to face the zombie horde together. If there was a choice between your life and mine, there is no question. I would have taken your pain, Braxton. I would die for you. A part of me did. I watched you die. Writers play God, but we are not so. Throw Jesus to the wolves, and Hell, I take my own lumps, but I would not give you up for the world. And then I look at Virgil. If you were here… I’m not letting him go… yet, but his life, I wonder. Can Virgil B III?

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 088 ~Virgil Says B Love~

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How long did it take me to understand Triple B? I’m sure he doesn’t care that I always park on the home side of Walmart so I could pass the pet section and ask first. What does he need? A man provides, and that includes love. Virgil Says B Love.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Saga 088 ~Virgil Says B Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what does that say about me? About us? Money doesn’t speak for you, but me…

Not to sound like Philippe Weis, played by Vincent Kartheiser, but “there’s nothing I cannot buy.” Can’t buy me love, some say. My love don’t cost a thing, others argue. Financial freedom, wealth. I told you about my days of “Humiliations Galore.” My entire existence, well, the life I have with you now, has been all about riches galore. Treasure. Call it my Republican tendencies, me being a traditionalist. If a man can’t provide for a family, he shouldn’t have one. A man provides for his family. Security, Safety, Serenity. Then there came my boy. To think of all the years, I wanted a fur baby but my little sister. My father gave her a dog then, Braxton chose me. Welcome to your manhood Will.

Money was no object when it came to trying to save him. I mentioned Philippe Weis. What about another father, John Quincy Archibald, played by Denzel Washington? Philippe had all the money, but what about love? John had love but no money. Cash, heart, more, my love? Love is a word; money is a piece of paper. As much as I love you, our children, my boy. Viva La Vida. “I used to rule the world.” “Everybody Wants To Rule The World.” Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m watching Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral. Work comes first, ok? As I said, if my family doesn’t have it all, “How will I know?” How will you know, I ask? I know that I don’t want to be my “father.” NO, NOT EVER!

Hell! Before I met you, I had a townhouse. Most of my bills were taken care of. I could keep food in my belly. Oh, and there was always Braxton. I only knew living alone from Sunday, February 1, 2021, to Saturday, August 13, 2022. Then came little Virgil. $150.00. Did that say I love you to him? What about a new collar or his second bag of food? Am I going to be in the “doghouse” for this comparison? Like him, I leave you out of everything that I’m doing. I want to be by myself as I continue to mourn Braxton Barks. If Virgil is Braxton, I’m sure what he wants, and needs are like yours, my love. Um… Virgil Says B Love

604 Days Without B III, Day 045 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 084 ~See V, B Leaving~

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Dreams are messages. What’s my latest dream/nightmare telling me? It didn’t even star my son but Virgil, but I had intense emotions as if it were B III. It’s been 600 days without him. He’s saying that’s enough. Heart hardening, etc. See V, B Leaving

Friday, September 23, 2022

Saga 084 ~See V, B Leaving~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So, I wonder, are there any machines that control dreaming? Dreams were pretty “intense” last night.

Shouldn’t I call them nightmares, then? Hell! Even dreams, I would say, are “good….” I always say everything I want is impossible, illegal, or insane. Add inane or inconsequential to the mix. I make everything about me, don’t I, ha. The eye in Will (sigh). But my dream was about Braxton. Only it starred Virgil. I haven’t distinguished the two. I should be reading more books on reincarnation and the like. Yet, I’ve been all in on “The Dog Under The Bed” series. Don’t I sound like a little boy? A fucking idiot! Uh, language. It’s not like I can cuss out my “father,” though. Humiliations Galore, where I lay my head, Sophia. And let’s not forget the Day Job and another manager. So dreaming…

I was right where I am now, in bed. The first thing that should have made me take notice of the dream was that Virgil was running down the stairs. He was in a rush to go out like Braxton once was. So why visit me in dreams? Again I never saw Braxton, only Virgil. Opening the door, Virgil rushed out and down the patio steps into the backyard. But then he was sniffing around like he was trying to find a way out. First, V jumped high and escaped. It was as if he was flying. Then the fence fell, and he got out again. A third time he slipped under the fence like he was a bit of slime or mold. Okay, no porn, please, fuck. My mind…

Each time I was able to capture him and bring him back. I don’t know how but I did it. After a while of this happening, there was commentary from a DJ, more like a podcast. You know I can’t stand podcasts… I think. Then there were these black kids watching. One goes, “I don’t like him,” about me, it was a little braided girl. Then I woke up. Before I started looking for that movie “Knock at the Cabin.” It’s the book “The Cabin at the End of the World.” Oh yeah, can’t forget the “Mold” porn. I’ve wanted to buy bricks and cinderblocks for the backyard. Making the house a prison? That’s how this existence feels. My personal Hell. See V, B Leaving

600 Days Without B III, Day 041 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 083 ~To B Broken V~

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I never had the heart to get B fixed. And I didn’t have a say regarding V. What’s done is done. He has other things wrong, and I can only imagine what happened. As for me, breaking again, broke perhaps, and broken always. To B Broken V

Thursday, September 22, 2022

Saga 083 ~To B Broken V~

599 Days Without B III, Day 040 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Considering I’m talking to you on Sunday, September 18, 2022. And you can probably guess…

I keep saying it, Braxton. Anytime I feel that this existence is too much, all I need to do is whisper your name. The day you left makes everything look more bearable. Even my Emergence. I know I need to stop. But this damned month has been one gigantic clusterfuck. Pardon my French. I don’t swear around V… um or you. Mental Instability comes later, but this Sunday, I’m broken. Yeah, surprise, surprise. I’m broken every Sunday, but this morning, B. Isn’t it ironic that you knew you had to be quiet because The Walking Dead or a spinoff was coming on? Then I silenced you permanently. I know. I’m sorry, Braxton, it just hurts. You know me, B “I’m just a sucker for pain.”

First, I had a conversation with your grandfather about the air conditioner. His “friend” is coming to fix it Monday, which means… The Hell if I know, but Virgil’s temperature? Or what about my temperament? Again, we’re talking today because I’ll be in a rage come this Thursday. I hate myself, but sometimes it’s nice to have company. Oh, and money. With all the hours I’ve been getting at the Day Job. Did I mention more tits? Yeah, that was to the Man In The Mirror. Again it’s Sunday. And while I’m not ashamed to talk about getting off on nice tits. You liked your Aunt’s yabbos a lot B. I’m trying to get off a shift at the Day Job. I can’t take it.

So why don’t I publish a story and never have to walk into that Hell again? The burning in the house is nothing to my rage, madness, and the Humiliations Galore at the Day Job. I can keep cool with my betrayal of you in the Ninth Circle. I could save some cold hard cash. But what’s your grandfather planning these days? Hell! I forced a window open in some kind of way. You don’t mind me calling on your strength. But memories and guilt B. Especially when my body feels some sort of way. Like the heat, I usually try to ignore it, but it has its moments. Like the tears that appear for you around 4 in the afternoon. To B Broken V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

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I love to have someone to love. I would love to be loved. Yet everyone who has ever told me such has made me, as the song goes, “Make Me Wanna Die.” Then there’s a woman I’ve never met and my firstborn who never spoke a word… “Love To B V.”

Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now and leave it to a computer to ask do I feel loved. I’ll never doubt you.

But a week and some change, seeing as how I’m talking to you on Sunday, September 11, 2022. Do I love myself yet? Will I ever get over looking in the mirror, my love? Doubtful. Hell! I’m still looking at all these bills, the book series I have gotten into, and my browser history. Who could ever love someone like me? Again I do not doubt you, but how do I describe you? You’re the one that gives love meaning to me, and that’s enough love. I’m betting on the fact that I have yet to figure out Virgil. With Braxton, I’m not sure how long it took. Without him, it’s like being without air. And you are a breath that I need to take.

Baby Doll, I know all about not wanting to take the next one. Thirty-eight years has been one too many love. I feel the same way about these words. What am I saying, lover, inevitably? Scared to death? For so long, it’s been terrifying to stay and even more so to leave. It’s the only explanation for why I’m here. And when I sleep, there’s always such mad hope. Sinner’s dream, I know. Not to be religious but choosing the darkness rather than light? To close my eyes on the mere chance that I won’t have to open them again. But if I do? My son? I’ll be with my firstborn yet again. Do I feel loved? You’re here despite everything. I should feel lucky.

Why isn’t your love enough? I’ve always hated that saying. You know you have to love yourself first before you can love another. For 15 years… Hell! Always and forever, I will love Braxton, and I never gave a rat’s ass about myself. I got to get back to him, always. Love, is it that I don’t think I’m doing you justice like the dad in The Tomorrow War? He left his family. Talk about something I should have watched when we had Amazon Prime. Well, I am a billionaire. No, we are billionaires, but I don’t love Jeff Bezos. I don’t love TV… much. I wish I could say I didn’t love money. I love you “Still” and always. But Love To B V.

597 Days Without B III, Day 038 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 077 ~Fan Of B, V~

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I’m a fan of Mia Goth now. That’s from X and Pearl alone. And now MaXXXine? I’m not quite the fan of Virgil yet… I would tell my son, “Love ya B, Love ya Braxton. Replace Love with Later and switch the name. But V barks when I come back. Fan Of B, V.

Friday, September 16, 2022

Saga 077 ~Fan Of B, V~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I’m doing my “best” to get there. At least, it’s what I told Virgil yesterday.

My “best” wasn’t enough to save Braxton. My first cry of today coming up. As you can see by the time, I’m pretty late. Yeah, unless it’s someplace, I don’t want to be and movies. Hell! I was gone most of the week that B III lay dying. And I even left him that Saturday because I was “hungry….” I didn’t think for a second that he would die while I wasn’t around. No, I’m not some asshole who would leave his son to die alone or amongst strangers Lady Sophia. But I am the douche that would leave my… um, Virgil in this heat. Honestly, I wanted to see that new movie “Pearl” starring Mia Goth. I’m becoming a fan, without a doubt (drools).

But to become a fan of anything or anyone these days. It’s horrible to think about, but can I go back to Monday, February 1, 2021? Let me be obsessed, addicted, and hopelessly devoted to my son’s memory. It beats how I’m living. Depressive, hopeless, clarity. Knowing the way down, you know. And I keep saying it. This place feels like Hell anyway, Lady Sophia. At least, Treachery is the coldest circle of Hell. Freezing, darkness. I wake up every morning pissed off that I’m not there. Three fans are blasting in my ears, and again I tell Virgil. I’m trying my “best.” Is it that I’m not quite a fan of his yet, going on what, 34 days? And I’m burning money, watching movies.

I’m burning at the Day Job in my anger. My Humiliations Galore reach incredible heights. There’s the next dog book I’m reading; I’m burning through pages. Not the GOP way. Yes, My Lady, I should text back M Anime. Um, she and Cherry get me all kinds of hot too. But that’s the thing; I’m a fan of the wrong things. So I keep blowing hot air and nothing else. Even my “father” is wondering why he isn’t getting a thank you from me anymore. Do you remember when I tried to make a deal with the devil? Losing blood. Hell! I’m losing everything, which happens when I’m not a fan of life. So adopting? I don’t deserve to be a Fan Of B, V.

593 Days Without B III, Day 034 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

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I got a kit with a new dog checklist when I first got V. He got a free bag of food; almost out. A leash and a harness I can’t for the life of me figure out. Figures, but I can’t figure out this existence, and I make a list on Sunday. But The V List B

Thursday, September 15, 2022

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

592 Days Without B III, Day 033 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how we’re speaking on Friday, September 10, 2022. Well, my existence is pretty…

There isn’t a word, or I’m too lazy to find it. Hell! I want to be with you right now. You know I can’t say what I want “JIC.” But long story short, I hate weeks like this B III. Anytime I get a long week like this, I think of everything I had going on. But Braxton? You, my son, boy, and best friend, didn’t make the cut. Even now, I had to talk to Lady Lu and Inspector Echo after. And I’m not sure if I’m looking after you or Virgil as he lies here B. Every day, I have to count the similarities and the differences. It helps me not to worry about other things. Well, two, anyway. You like Yabbos too.

Even today, I was reminded of what I started when you left. With Virgil here, let’s say I haven’t been trying to make any more money that way. Cash money. How I wish that was my only punishment for how I failed you. I’ve been relying on that failure. Braxton, I know you wish I wouldn’t do that. Using your death to make myself feel better about all my other sins. Is that what I’m doing? One more list to set and forget whenever. At the moment, it’s two things that are haunting me. Ok, maybe three? This weather. Braxton, first it’s because I have to survive this week or I have? And second… yeah, there’s Virgil. What kind of father was I? Am I?

I haven’t learned my lesson yet, have I? I don’t want to accept this truth. I’m a parent again, and it isn’t all about me. If I knew it was you, Triple B, no ifs, ands, or buts? Talk about me keeping promises after E-Day. I didn’t get one gift, and yeah, not asking. Granddad… did I hear from him again this week? Is the bank account full, brimming? Never which is a shame. I owe you so much, and Virgil needs things, and I don’t know where to start. Your pictures or his bedding. New bowls for him or a Cuddle Clone, ha. Should I be grateful for this week to afford any of that stuff? I paid for V’s life. Death’s cost? And Happiness? The V List B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

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To wake up saying no, screaming, or all sexy. And when I’m awake, I look over my shoulder, wait for a surprise, or skulk around even when I’m alone. There ain’t no rest for the wicked, peace or happiness. Imagining things? “To B Relaxed V.”

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means we can afford a vacation. How about some good drugs? Settle for a snack?

Hell! Nothing beats sleep but everything. If there’s anything, I’ll give this E-Day come and gone. Getting a goodnight’s sleep. Now that’s a miracle. Oh, but I still wasted the day. Yep, I know, ok. That’s no good with us being parents, though sleep is in short supply. Especially rest. Love, I know that I haven’t rested since the 8th. Is that how many kids I want? With my Republican tendencies, I’m more of a traditionalist. You know, the Nuclear Family. 2.5 kids? And how many do we have now, plus V, who’s been here what a month and some change? But we’re not the type of family the GOP wants, except financially speaking, tokens. Being a black man’s hard. And a guilty one, Love.

One and the same? This is taking a different tone than I intended. But you never know what you’ll get when this man wakes up. I was speaking to you “In Dreams” and then… That’s the thing. Why do you think I have so many alarms on the phone? I need to know where I will be every moment of the day. Even if the reason’s passed away. Braxton remains on my phone. And now there are the fears I had before I knew the truth of what was happening. Could I share those with you, since I share everything else about my boy? To give voice to all these things… I don’t think you would be able to rest here with me. You’d leave…

I value your peace. Yours, the children, as Virgil lies here this Friday afternoon. Another reason I’m not relaxing is that I know what this Tuesday will bring. It could be so much worse. It’s my Old Man calling me about wrecking his tranquility by not allowing him to destroy mine. I’ve said it how many times now? I rather burn. And I fear I will. I’ve deserved it for a long time. But I still lie in fear of it. My emergence into Hell. E-Day, of course, when I had to talk to my Ma. Love, if I had my way… Being born here? There’s my rage at the world. All the humiliations to consider. Peace? For someone like me? To B Relaxed V.

590 Days Without B III, Day 031 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 070 ~ Virgil’s Story Begins B~

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Reading about dogs dying or hiding under beds… Virgil hasn’t discovered he could do that… yet. I should read the adoption kit that he came with. But then I read all these bills and the scary stuff online. My own story? “Virgil’s Story Begins B.”

Friday, September 9, 2022

Saga 070 ~ Virgil’s Story Begins B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that begins with the first dollar made. Being worried about money at “Times Like These.”

You know how I am; I have to replace one problem with a bigger one. Virgil isn’t a problem, Lady Sophia… Tell that to all the air I was taking in almost four weeks ago. Sophia, I’m still thinking about the air conditioner and how hot it is here. The humiliation with my old man. And how he could have forgotten about me, which isn’t too hard to do on any occasion. Even in this heat, though, I break down. Yet again, I find myself at day one, my Lady. What? I already had my clothes off, and Virgil was in his room, not hacking. Hell! Braxton would always be here as I looked up… Well, whatever. Let’s say the Uncharted series isn’t helping me.

As a matter of fact, it’s why I believe I’m in trouble. Do you remember how I was a week or so before Braxton passed? Not the rage at work or the indifference towards him, but the paranoia. As I said, “Times Like These,” when I’m more “Somebody’s Watching Me.” Who the hell am I in comparison to my sister or the Queen of England? Quite the jump, don’t you think? My sister’s birthday is right behind E-Day. And the Queen died yesterday. Who has time for me? I bet law enforcement. As the song goes, “First let me explain that I’m just a black man. And I come from the dark side, so I’m having a hard time stayin’ on track, man.” It’s madness.

I’m in the same place I was when B III came into the world. And then he left me. Only now will I be downstairs today, writing a book with Virgil on his pillow. Nope. I’m only up on time right now because, like most days with the Day Job. There’s only fear. Will I get to see Virgil through four weeks and then even more? There’s so much he needs, but where is the money? Oh yeah, at the Day Job. And one of my greatest fears in that place despite all the Humiliations Galore. Outside embarrassments. Another reason I’m not writing books today. So what about reading? Unfinished books irk me something awful. But “my” story and Virgil Vivi’s? Virgil’s Story Begins B

586 Days Without B III, Day 027 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will