Tag: Obsession

Saga 193 ~Calendars B Tripping Virgil~

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Sometimes in January… this will be the second one. Not on the 10th, but on the 31st. There are so many dates I rather not remember. I can’t tell you when I found love but when I lost it. Yet the days keep falling off Calendars, B Tripping Virgil

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Saga 193 ~Calendars B Tripping Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I won’t ever invest in Swanson; thanks, Tuckems. I’m more for Boston Market. Marie Callender’s?

My love, money didn’t change me. I mean, sure, as Forrest Gump said, “That’s good. One less thing.” I’ll be one for hoodies and jeans always and forever. Not that serious, but when I got new glasses, I wanted the same frame and, barring that, more Triple B’s color. When it comes to women, well, not to go all Alanis Morissette but AHEM “You, you, you oughta know. Hell! You know I love you, but when it comes to people, “I am an equal opportunity misanthropist,” as Andrew Davidson put it. Only with women, well… there was than Asian fetish I had. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, strawberry blondes, black hair. Look at the date; Wednesday is a year since The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. Um, feelings…

And speaking of fantasies, Victorian Maid Maria no Houshi. And Katainaka ni Totsui de Kita-Russia Musume to H Shimakuru Ohanashi. I wish I could remember when I got into Hentai and cosplay. One of many dates I can’t recall. But there are three events this month. I’ve told you about one which was a little fucked up. With you and a therapist. I can afford therapy now. Oh, I have no delusions of myself being mentally healthy. I’m sure you can agree. Anyway, the first, of course, was New Year’s Day. God help me; I’m trying to keep at least one resolution. How many have I made for you, our kids, and the businesses I run? I know; I made one; keep Virgil Vivi alive.

Only this morning, as with every day, my first thought was of Braxton Barks Bradford. Did I say that out loud? If I wanted to be in the dog house… Well, it’s January. Where else would I be than with my boy this second year? I didn’t even take a nap when I got back. Love, there is so much to do. I’m not holding out much hope. Because, again, you can see all the distractions. I don’t want to think about it. And yet buying books, bullion, and biscuits. Though I haven’t set another one in B III’s memory. And what about us, love? You’re not something only placed calendar-wise. But, as long as I’m breathin’, Braxton will be “31st.” Calendars B Tripping Virgil.

709 Days Without B III, Day 150 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 188 ~To B New Virgil~

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The first thing, the first someone that made me want to be a better man, ha, wasn’t some parent or teacher. A lovely girl with decent Yabbos made me clean the house. Or flash some cash. But a four-legged kid… I Tried, I try? To B New Virgil

Thursday, January 5, 2023

Saga 188 ~To B New Virgil~

704 Days Without B III, Day 145 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Are you having a good year, seeing as I’m from the past, the future… whatever

Time-Travel is way past my pay grade Braxton. And speaking of time, you know why I’m talking to you on Saturday, December 31, 2022. Today, this year, already fucking hell! There are better ways to start the year. Am I right? It’s my third cry of the day this morning. Braxton, by the time you read this, how many times will I have cried? And more tears are coming. Remind me that I need to see to it getting time off for Tuesday, January 31, 2023, and Feb 1. Ok, Triple B, I’m going to stop crying now. Then again, Virgil might be awfully confused by the change. “You’ll be like lil’ John Q and get a change of heart.” Do you think so, Braxton? Yep, still looking up music.

Ludacris? Both the man and ludicrous my existence. Both cruel and, as for now, necessary. Though I want to say, highly unnecessary. But again, Virgil is here. And how does he know me? Indeed do you know me at all? The day you went away… I wish I had too. The fact that I’m writing this at all (sigh). Unless, by some miracle, I’m not going to do something STUPID today. But again, Little B, I have thought about it. Anytime I open my eyes. Indeed the moment you took your last breath, I closed my eyes. Brand new me. Unfortunately for me. Anyway, this is a brand new year. “It’s a new world, it’s a new start.” Again with the music. Nothing new, B.

I can’t even guess what might be new because of how far I’m jumping. No, not like that, Triple B. If I am keeping my promise… that’s one of many reasons B III. You know, going crazy over Triple X or something like that. Once again, RAGE driving me bonkers. How about thinking that Virgil Vivi could be you somehow? I don’t even remember “Me Before You.” Or I just don’t want to. Hell! I’d give anything to be who I was… perhaps two weeks before you died. And every week I write, I’ll be the person you think, Braxton. Virgil would be better off. But then again, you might have lived. Yet how to see the man in the mirror? To B New Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 187 ~It’ll B Embarrassing, Virgil~

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Humiliation Galore and Shame. One means going to the Day Job or anywhere, sigh. Shame is what I do here. But one makes me want to die, the other, well… not so much. But either way, whatever I do, my poor little guys. It’ll B Embarrassing, Virgil

Wednesday, January 4, 2023

Saga 187 ~It’ll B Embarrassing, Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and they’re prone to Humiliations Galore. But at the moment, that ain’t me. Only it’s coming.

I bet by the time you read this; I’ll have plenty. I mean Humiliations and not dollars, considering it’s Sunday, January 1, 2023. Time-Travel? So what does that mean? I’m sitting here, lamenting the week that has yet to unleash its true horror. Dammit, Inspector. I have far too much on my plate at the moment to begin imagining my fucking Day Job today. I might be getting back into the motivational genre, considering my watchlist. That doesn’t mean, “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” Or “Three Little Birds” has made it Inspector, playlist-wise. DON’T WORRY should have made it into the New Year’s Resolutions. What do you think, Echo? Sadly, I think way too much. And again, that will be plenty embarrassing, B III, 2V. These poor boys of mine, Echo.

But what about today? I’m not embarrassed, but these actions are either shameful or weird. And for the record, shame and Humiliations Galore are different. Shame is, let’s say, most of the porn I watch. Humiliations Galore is what I showed Braxton’s Aunt. Um, whew! The shame is to spend cash I don’t have on things unrelated to Yabbos. Humiliations Galore is begging to see said Yabbos. I’ve only wished M Anime and Cherry Happy New Year. Ulterior motives are humiliating; the Day Job shows me that more on any given day. Once again, today, and I mean Sunday. It’s shameful not to feel any gratitude, Inspector. To know that in a particular time, I can fuck up and then… I don’t know or care.

Whatever, I’ll waste money on streaming channels, books, and sex toys. And speaking of books, what am I reading? Cherry’s published novel is out this New Year’s Day. Inspector, the things that I will do; whenever a pretty girl is involved. Testament of men. Inspector, it’s far worse when it comes to one of my boys as I think about all that has happened. We started this on New Year’s Day. And now it’s Tuesday, January 3, 2023, huh? But the fact is, I got up at all today and went into the Day Job, and for what? To provide. Only I neither did that nor kept my resolution; I’ve failed Braxton. For the other. Inspector Echo, to exist with me. It’ll B Embarrassing, Virgil.

703 Days Without B III, Day 144 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 186 ~Love To B Virgil~

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I heard in a movie that love can’t tell time. Yes and no. I can’t remember when B III jumped in the car… and he hates car rides. The moment he left… Jan 31, 2021, at about 3:45 PM. When I told the right girl, I love her? Beats me. “Love To B Virgil.”

Tuesday, January 3, 2023

Saga 186 ~Love To B Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And have a much more interesting story than I inherited my wealth. I Work Hard 120!

As seems to be the theme of this year… well, the first week of January, like everyone else, my love. I’m trying to get motivated. I didn’t say positive, I’m afraid, but to get going. Only I know you still need me to be here. Does it help that I’m buying more stuff for us? As the song goes, “money can’t buy me love.” No amount to save Braxton. And then there’s Virgil. I know my story. I know how I feel. Yeah, I mentioned I’m buying more books and TV. Hell! Today, I bought another book about mourning fur babies. And now I want to watch a show about a man who pretty much adopts a daughter after losing one. The Last of Us

Braxton was/is a gift to me. And I take the fact that his story was seen all over the world… Well, I’ve always said he’s the one that made me the man I am today. The good and the bad, but you love me, so who am I to complain? No. For 702 Days, I have been one to mourn. And like with all of the books I’ve been reading, well, minus all those in December. I don’t want to know anything else. I’m too focused on B III’s death to worry about 2V’s life. Incredible life story before I met him, I’m sure. Did he love someone? Lose someone. How about letting it go? As I said, 702 days without B. Virgil’s had 143.

To make you feel my love. What about our children? What about Virgil? Even now, I’m not sure about him. But for you and ours… I’d do everything Bob Dylan wrote about and Adele sang about. I like the cover version, but that’s not the point. Looking at Virgil now… A whole new year and the same ole song and dance. Virgil’s not Braxton’s reincarnation. If anything, he’s more like me. Virgil’s so confused, quiet, and figuring out his universe. But that doesn’t mean he can’t find his way to bed at night. We’re all around him, but what does that mean? I’d ask how long will it take him to accept love. What do I have to give? More time? Love To B Virgil

702 Days Without B III, Day 143 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 181 ~The Stranger’s Virgil, B~

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Being a billionaire, as I claim most days, I’d build my own world in the house. Going to space involves too many people to deal with. But now I still have a stranger/fur baby in this house. So many strangers this week. “The Stranger’s Virgil, B”

Thursday, December 29, 2022

Saga 181 ~The Stranger’s Virgil, B~

697 Days Without B III, Day 138 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Are you still here? I only ever asked that once. The Saturday before you left.

I haven’t cried for you yet today. It’s still a little early. Though I did cry when the alarm went off. And currently, I’m watching “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life…” You know me, B. That’s After watching some porn in the bathroom. V is sleeping now. The thing is, I would have no problem sending him back… to your room, B. There are plenty of days that I want to go all Whisperer and say, “You are where you don’t belong.” How many times have I said it, Braxton? It’s been 138 days, Braxton. Don’t they say it takes 90 for a fur baby to acclimate? With you, I’m not sure, but you were a puppy. A Jedi. Fearless

But that hasn’t been me these past few days. If Virgil ain’t you, then is he me? Sometime this week, I said I was Virgil. Hell! I’m scared to death of everything and everyone, B III. One more reason to cry. Between three different humiliations at the auto shop. Day Job. Oh yeah, Triple B, the Humiliations Galore continue there. And those are nonstop B III. There was my first UBER ride, which was a new experience. Excuse me, four humiliations. The ride back to the house. Although you were never one for driving around town. Inevitable the shame that will be coming to me soon. I have to go to the post office. And should I get the car rechecked? More like my brain

Then again, I had you for that. Only now, B, I can talk to you “Anytime.” You’re everywhere, yet I want you right back here next to me. I don’t mean to be a dick, but I don’t want this usurper lying here. I should have thought of that Saturday, August 13, 2022, right B? Only I thought I saw you. Somehow, someway, I was listening to you. Promise Braxton. He remains a stranger to me, even after all this time. And I’m still being a meanie. Do you think? For example, yesterday I went to that hot dog shop. A pepper dog, onion rings. I didn’t feel like sharing with Virgil. After a late lunch, Virgil and I didn’t speak. The Stranger’s Virgil, B.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 180 ~Urge To B Virgil~

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Urge to write? It’s more like fear because today is going to be damn hard. And I could go all Marvin Gaye “When I get that feeling….” But the only thing I want to do now is puke and go to bed. The urge to live the boys did/do. “Urge To B Virgil”

Wednesday, December 28, 2022

Saga 180 ~Urge To B Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I’m not WOKE… I cry a lot, and I spend others’ money. I’m Virgil.

Inspector, I wonder if Virgil wants to be Virgil this second, which saddens me. Besides Braxton being gone and all. Of everything, I can say about my son. Survival? Braxton’s last look. I go back and forth with it, but today I’ll say B III wanted to live Echo. Ironic that I am the same way. But we’ll get to that. You know I’m one for physical pain over any mental anguish. Take today, for example, Tuesday, December 27, 2022. I’ve wanted to puke most of the day because I am so humiliated about the car. Hell! I barely made it to the auto shop before the wheel gave out. And now, today/tomorrow, you know what I’m going to do. Day Job’s Humiliations Galore incoming.

Because the urge to live… Not want or need but the notion. And you know it’s one I should ignore. I didn’t Monday. And today, as the world crumbled, I had to get pretty STUPID. More like perverted? Because I don’t want to think with a big head. Bigger head? Inspector Echo, was that a dick joke? I wish I were only making jokes about it but this fucked up day. Well, this whole fucked up year. I’m going broke. But no, not my cock. And an urge to release. Obsession is more like it. I should find out when I stopped before, but that was before Braxton died, and afterward, it was like 161 days. 559 days later, I had to cover up again.

Only Virgil sleeps in B’s Room plenty. Today it was all about survival, then masturbation. I haven’t even cum in a few days, but I only want to sleep. I don’t mean taking some naps. As I said, I was surviving today. More like I didn’t want the humiliation of dying on the road. I swear, Inspector Echo if Virgil weren’t here right now… But he is so Doordash, anyone? I can’t have Virgil Vivi starving, so I ordered a bag of food for him. Myself? I seemed to have lost my appetite. An urge to, well… should I say it? Inspector, you’ll see this tomorrow, so don’t you fret. Unless I get lucky, the alarms fail. Then curse the day. Urge To B Virgil

696 Days Without B III, Day 137 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 179 ~ Virgil’s Holidays To B~

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You wake up, and your cat… dog in my case. Your son, a future, isn’t there anymore. I tell myself that tomorrow will be “better.” People look forward to this time of year. For me, Jan 31, Feb 13, Aug 13, Sept 7, Oct 20, etc. “Virgil’s Holidays To B.”

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Saga 179 ~Virgil’s Holidays To B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s always tomorrow. Yeah, I can take off in my rocket ship. Get perspective…

I’ve been thinking a lot about “The Great De-evolution” series. In particular, “The Last Astronaut” and “A Different Alchemy.” One man running away from the death of his fur-baby. And the other, from the death of his child. Pray tell, how do I relate, (snickers). Besides this one fact. Writing my own books kept me away from Braxton Barks Bradford. Because there was always tomorrow. Sacrifice today for tomorrow’s benefit. But as the song goes, “You wake up one morning, and half your life is gone.” Or fifteen years, love. I thought Braxton would give me twenty. But that’s thinking too small. Here’s forever. Isn’t that what we are, my love? We got our kids though I still need to figure out Virgil. Being mean?

What! I bought him a gift, and honest to “God” I’ve been trying. But there is always tomorrow. For now, I need some sleep. I know it’s getting worse. One man went to space while the other headed north. And another thing about those men. They left their families. They didn’t see a future in the world. Is that what I’m saying? Why bother trying? That one day, B III will be gone for good. Hell! If I could be so lucky as to drop dead, then. I’m sure our children will think that of me in their teenage years. I want to be here for that. So am I seeing more time with them, with you? Memories with Braxton. Oh, and Virgil Vivi too.

Again yesterday, I was looking at books for “The Closing of the Year.” Not as many as last year, but there is always tomorrow. But what if there’s not? How long do I expect you, my Mrs. Claus, to keep waiting? Santa spends his whole year preparing. One big day. What about ours, my love? They have been different since Braxton, I know. Forgetful? Now you know that ain’t true. Part of me stays glued to that spot on Sunday, January 31, 2021. And then a part of me wants to be like those other fathers running away, love. Billionaires can buy rocket ships and tanks, so why not go all “The Tomorrow War?” Buy us a time machine? Yours and Virgil’s holidays… I’m so sorry. Virgil’s Holidays To B

695 Days Without B III, Day 136 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 174 ~They’ll B Presents, Virgil~

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I’ll have to head to the grocery store because my favorite Chinese place closed down, and it was the only place open on Christmas. But still, B and I would have a pancake breakfast. And he got a present though he’s gone. They’ll B Presents, Virgil

Thursday, December 22, 2022

Saga 174 ~They’ll B Presents, Virgil~

690 Days Without B III, Day 131 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Yesterday I had to apologize to Virgil for asking you. As for my days, Braxton…

Well, I hate to lie? I didn’t lie to you “In The End,” which is why you ain’t here, Braxton. You never asked for a gift, but if I could get you anything… I’d never mention you leaving me ever again? Like I said, B, I don’t like to lie. Another reason masturbation sucks TMI. It leaves my mind way too clear when I’m not thinking about brunette bazongas. Bucks! All I want for Christmas, Braxton, besides my best friend back. You didn’t show up for the last one, B III. Do I need to cry now? Well, the answer is yes. “Love And Happiness?” No, that would be me being selfish? But Virgil could use some comfort and joy, a dog toy? Uh, money…

And you don’t know how hard it is not to look. A distraction to not talk to you today, B. I’m trying to figure out how many fries I can buy with the slave wage from the Day Job this week. You would figure as long as we’re together, Braxton. But fast food doesn’t hurt? That’s what I was talking to Inspector E about yesterday. Being present and, um, present. Virgil is upstairs because I couldn’t stand being in bed a moment longer… That’s funny. Anyway, I need to go to the store and get laundry detergent. Oh yeah, sustenance… Breakfast is one of our Christmas traditions, isn’t it B? Did I do it last year? This is the second Christmas without you, my friend.

Hell! I even bought you a present last year; I know that. One more thing to add to the list. I’d tell you how much money I had to spend but if M Anime keeps up with our chats… Yeah, I know you had your heart set on your Aunt Carolina. I ask that you go and check up on her and say hi to the fur babies she has also lost. Don’t give her man any static, please. I’m sure there’s plenty of room on her bazongas. I promise not to purchase bazongas. How many promises have I broken this week? Have you kept Virgil Vivi company, B? Pancake? Yes, there will be pancakes or maybe waffles on Christmas? Gifts? They’ll B Presents, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 172 ~B Present For Virgil~

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I only remember my Ma putting up the Christmas tree. And as far as presents, well, good and bad memories. But the love? That shouldn’t be a one-day thing, but Virgil’s been here for 129 days. As the song goes, “do you love me?” “B Present For Virgil”

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

Saga 172 ~B Present For Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But even with more money than Jesus… “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus” ha-ha. Um…

With all this money, that’s not what Christmas is about, is it? Am I really going to talk about Christmas? One day out of the year, when I seek joy, peace, and love daily. Hell! When did I know I loved my son? Our two-legged children, but let me talk about my firstborn, Braxton Barks Bradford. This is my second Christmas without him here. Love, if there is any consolation, Christmas is only one more day. Now don’t talk to me on January 31, but Christmas? B’s an afterthought at best. And then ask me about Virgil Vivi. Have I even thought about getting him a gift for the holidays? The money spent on 2V? He wants a present? Today he did have my concern.

Always. It’s what I give all my friends. My attention doesn’t amount to anything. Only I want to do better. Still, I am my “father’s” son. Money, Money, Money. And as the song goes, “money can’t buy me love.” What else do I have, though? It’s been my problem. I care for so much, my love. I guess that’s a good sign, right? It ain’t Christmas, but I care. Yet I have my friends that I haven’t asked about in forever. Or my ass has an ulterior motive even though my heart is in the right place… Oh, it’s outside B III’s pine box? That was mean, but again, my problem. I’m present in that room watching Braxton die. Santa Claus ain’t bringing him back.

But that’s who I am now, on top of being a husband, daddy, writer, business owner, and everything. And I must be under that tree, light those candles, or whatever else. The holidays, bah humbug. I don’t want the kids to hear me say that. And all the things I should utter… Because money ain’t cutting it. I can tell you and the children I love you every day, and I mean it. Why doesn’t it seem to be enough, though? A lesson learned from my Braxton. Several, in fact. He didn’t need words; it was the action always. It’s Only Love. So I ran outside looking for Virgil, and there was fear until I found him running to me. One day, for you, family, business; B Present For Virgil.

688 Days Without B III, Day 129 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 167 ~Virgil, B Not Proud~

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I on what my grandma said about “my pride.” What do I know about that? If anything, I am proud of my son. Eff my pride to keep him safe… What’s ironic is losing pride in existence, about everything, Day Job, etc. Got him killed. “Virgil, B Not Proud”

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Saga 167 ~Virgil, B Not Proud~

683 Days Without B III, Day 124 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? With how I feel right now… And on the understanding “He Lives In You.” You

Well, I feel like shit. And so I’m sorry, B. Yesterday and today haven’t been my proudest moments. As if I have many of those to talk about. I did finish reading another book, B. That’s if you need me to be proud of something. Today though, I’m pretty disgusted. Here I am, gorging on tacos, and I don’t do soft tacos well. You’d usually cuddle me, B III, especially if I were only sick of the Day Job and my Humiliations Galore in that place. As if you need to be reminded of my hate for the place that garnered my indifference towards you. Besides my cowardice and lack of balls. I’d spilled them over… not Reagan Kathryn, Cherry, or Mandy Rose… Jennifer Lawrence

A solid week down the drain and probably TMI for you, Triple B. You remember getting all X-rated with your toys and over your Aunt’s Boobs. Our conversation before, Braxton. I’m sure Virgil wishes I would get his name right. Or maybe he doesn’t even care anymore. As I was leaving today, there was no barking or crying. He went face-first into your food dish. While I was sharing nacho fries with him, he nearly took some fingers. I should be training him. But, of course, he’s hiding out in your room. There’s no gate and no lock. Virgil’s free to come out and play, but he doesn’t. I can’t blame him. And yeah, I’m not going there to get him, either. Just In Case

What! I want to jerk off again… I swear, sometimes I “prayed” you’d do something so that I could lock you in your room for a while. B, when you look at me now from wherever… You’re in a book that I’m doing absolutely nothing with. I meant to take a nap this afternoon, but there was a fear I had to contend with. Oh, there were more books to buy B. All the money in the world for titles, titties, and Times Like These makes me disgusting. Only you never looked at me like that, B III. And 2V doesn’t look at me at all. Not really. Then again, he’s not my son, and I for sure ain’t his Dad. But am I trying, Braxton? Virgil, B Not Proud

Always and Forever,
Your Dad