Tag: Music

Chronicle 187 ~Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye B~

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It was only a kiss, yet I’d argue with B every morning. I know where his mouth has been. He didn’t seem to mind when I would kiss the top of his head. But he must have thought humans are weird. Well, kissing shuts humans up. “Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye B”

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Chronicle 187 ~Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, well, more like we are. Only mouths are better for other things. A kiss, Baby Girl.

You know I am some kinda way about my Olds, but if I remember anything good. Well, it was the fact that they always kissed each other goodbye before departing. An idea I’m hoping to continue with you despite what’s going on with me. Right now, it’s B, My Love. A New Year’s Kiss. Excuse me for being crass, well no, because I know you instead like me this way. Anyway, if I’m going to be kissing something HAIRY. It would be the top of B’s head. That’s another first; I couldn’t do that this year and never again. Tomorrow? Baby Doll, I keep thinking that. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. 338 Days of him not sitting on my head, My Love.

Sure, you sitting on my face is great and all. As I said, it’s been a while, and you know your man. If I wanted to get in trouble with you, why don’t you ask if I remember our first kiss? Don’t ever want to experience our last kiss. Now Braxton’s… Sunday, January 31, 2021. My firstborn got me more than prepared for our children crawling all over us. Death by kisses “What A Heavenly Way To Die” My Love. A thousand sweet kisses, “I’ll Cover You,” and our family. Yeah, I know Spotify again, remembering days, fucking Day Job. As I said, there are such things we can do with our mouths. Singing, hell, I should try again before saying something STUPID. But B…

Looks like crying every day over B isn’t changing in this new year. When I had to talk to the vet. And I gave her permission. Talking to a woman, and that’s what I do. Asshole! Braxton saw me as such, or was I still only his Daddy who wouldn’t take him home. The man that was going to let the vet and her assistant do these things. Explain Daddy, right? All I could do was hold him and kiss the top of his furry little head. I love you, I’m sorry, goodbye? If a kiss is good for anything, it shuts me up. It stops us from thinking love. Ha thinking before like Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~. Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye B

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

338 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 180 ~A Year To B~

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15, B would have been 16. I made it to 37, and I’ll be 38, 39, 40, oh no? The eighties suck, and people talk a lot about 2020, but 2021 was the worst year of my life. How I survived without my boy. And do you see any family around here? “A Year To B”

Tuesday, December 28, 2021

Chronicle 180 ~A Year To B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so what else is there to look forward to? My indifference is what got Braxton killed.

The man that has everything but his best friend… As long as Braxton’s been gone and as long as we’ve been together. “Oh, baby, I love you, just leave me the fuck alone,” as the song plays. Which you did, considering what time I woke up this morning. Fucking up? Baby Doll, I know I am, even worse than the plague year. I went back over Gospel 177 ~It’s Christmas, Willie B~ last year at Christmas. To think we could survive the pandemic but this? This year has been the worse of my entire life. Beating out the eighties, wow. Baby girl, of course, that has nothing to do with you. You’ve been here, but as for me. Hell, I’m still stuck in seven days.

A year to a dog is seven years, or so THEY guess. How many years does that make 331 Days? You know I suck at Math, Music, Making Love? When’s the last time Baby Doll? It’s four days until the new year, and I don’t know where to begin. I’ll be 38. That’s next E-Day. Will I see Braxton’s Aunt before the new year? I say I’m a billionaire, however… Yeah, I can’t hear B III. You’ve been trying, screaming, crying, you love me. Besides “Don’t Look Up,” there have been soundtracks. Just Look Up, Memento Mori, Fourth of July. Ironic, the Fourth of July, the noise. And the same will be heard for new year’s. Will you still be here for me, My Love?

I wouldn’t blame you. I’ve told you the tale of how I was planning on taking my own life years ago. I say planning because I was only starving myself. Braxton saved my life, and I knew he needed me, so I would always say, I’ll be back. Fucking Terminator. Anyway, I made you the same promise, Always and Forever. With all the family that turned their backs on me, why would I ever want to be them? Yet this whole year with Braxton being gone. Sunday, January 31, 2021. It’s been all him. Come the first, I have no resolutions as yet. I’m not going anywhere, neither is B, but how about you. A year of beginnings, books, baby, brats, A Year To B.

331 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 350 ~Be Free Of Cures~

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I wasn’t sick this week or the last, but I sure did stay in bed. Only I don’t need a doctor. More like I need my dog back. Another Father’s Day approaches, and here I am without my son. Be Free Of Cures because I’m already dying

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Gospel 350 ~Be Free Of Cures~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and ignoring the obvious Ha-Ha, as the song goes, I Want A New Drug. Today… doubtful

Am I a prick for not remembering my “father’s” birthday? I know Father’s Day is on the 20th (shudders). I’m not looking forward to it. Do I have to say something, Inspector Echo? That’s only one of the many things needling at my brain today. But I’m out of bed.
Why, when I need another mental health day or several. I think I asked sometime this week, am I going to waste these next few days. If I said, I would ask a Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting “Son,” Prince of Peace. What’d you think? Obviously, I know my Bible Inspector, that’s Isaiah 9:6. Again I’m not turning towards faith. To quote more wisdom, I’m “Losing My Religion.” I lost my God, Good Boy, Greed…

Which, of course, explains that $150.00 I put in my bank account yesterday and why? I was worshipping some incredible Yabbos that are no longer talking to me. I was breaking Inspector Echo. Maitland Ward had me, and then with restraint ok hesitation… I stopped.
Well, she did, and am I ever going to learn that women aren’t the answer? I’ve been talking to M Anime and Indiana Gone, but I still remember January 31th. Indiana Gone asked what she could do, and I said, “I want my best friend back. No bucks, boobs, behavior. There’s nothing that will bring B III back to me or make the hurt go away. For a few seconds, I lose myself and feel a greater shame about something.

Which should be instead of more porn, I should get stuck. The vaccine is free and is continuing poking at me to go and get it. Today’s the day… again, I don’t think so. The masks won’t last forever, but I continue to pretend. Shall I quote Bob Marley? Three Little Birds singing, “Don’t worry about a thing. ’Cause every little thing gonna be all right.” Only it hasn’t been for 136 Days. I look at them as we approach another year down. I see Father’s Day, and here I am without my son. My Charge, my Comfort, and my Cure, to the viciousness, vitriol, and virus called Life. Is that why I’m avoiding my health? There’s no cure for death. Be Free Of Cures

136 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 209 ~ Will’s Yearly Eye Exam~

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I was never able to read Lord of the Files. There was this book, The Moonstone, that bored me to tears. I’ve only ever finished two books in the bible, John and Revelation. And now I can’t read my own future out of fear. “Will’s Yearly Eye Exam”

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Gospel 209 ~ Will’s Yearly Eye Exam~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford the best of the best. Yet every day, as the song goes, “I’m So Thankful,” that love is a gift and not a prize. That’s especially true these days, as I look at you. I’ve never been one to worry about my health, you know, except for my eyesight, best feature. A yearly exam usually around August, but in the plague era, it was November. The things I’ve seen. That I’ve yet to see, that I shouldn’t have ever. But with you, my Dæmon, our other children. Again I’m forever grateful.

Even if it’s through my glasses. To think of what scares me now, I mean right now. It reminds me a bit of William and Jocelyn. He speaks to her as though she had died. I live by the words of yet another song. “It’s better to say too much. Than never to say what you need to say again.” One more reason I’m not as “witty” as I would like to be. “Now you get to watch her leave out the window. Guess that’s why they call it window pane.” The idea that I don’t want to get contacts, or I might never look outside my Study window again. Hell, I was out yesterday (Thursday, it’s now Friday), and I saw the cops. Yeah, that’s what I’m looking for now. Not admiring my first road trip to my friend’s wedding. The time I welcomed another friend. Our first family trip to Disney World… TRADITION!!!

I’m even scrapping some of my rules I usually keep because my eyes are tired. Only you need not worry. “I won’t go getting tired of you; I’m not getting tired.” I think I love my wife. No, I love my wife. I’ll always love you, and please, I’m trying not to break out into Whitney Houston. I don’t need to be thinking of the term “breakout” either, but if I had a million dollars. Well, I have over a billion, and I still have you, my family, everything in the world. But I’m always worried about leaving you, and not to death, a dream, some desire in the future. Here I am talking about it, though, because should Tuesday come, I want to spend all my time loving you.

Seeing you always, Only You, please. Will’s Yearly Eye Exam.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 309 ~Better Shape Up Will~

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Wasn’t it last week I was saying that I missed the music though. Suddenly, well, I don’t know. Maybe I felt the need to get up and dance when I was not playing video games, and did I mention I’m never taking @musclemilk again. “Better Shape Up Will.”

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Log 309 ~Better Shape Up Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so that means I can afford a personal trainer. Now yes, I do everything in excess. So I want a Martial Arts Master, a Marksmen, even a snack Maitre d’, my personal DoorDash. You know I don’t have body issues with myself, though I wouldn’t mind being Magic Mike or Creed. More to the point as the song goes, I only wanna be with you. What, I’ve been sharing my playlists with you forever? Though I will apologize for my latest pastime while in our bed, we’ll get to that today.

The “Circle Circle Dot Dot” from the screen because I haven’t gone and finished Far Cry 5 or Heavy Rain. Hell baby doll, you could say playing The Walking Dead or Plague Inc in bed is my longing to be Close To You. My, My, My, there are better things to do in bed. Still, I miss the Triforce, a bit of a love triangle or triangles considering Final Fantasy VII. I know the Triforce is The Legend of Zelda. If you ever doubt yourself, My Love, I have chosen you over a princess. Please don’t get me started on other characters or my work. As they say, it’s Hip To Be Square or rather a rectangle. If I had my way, nine times out of ten, I want to be in bed reading beside you, amongst other things. I appreciate you letting me give myself to novels I write. Again, we turn to my phone and another game craze sigh Call me a Legend.

In case I don’t tell you enough baby doll, you are my world. Okay, that sounds bad, doesn’t it, but you know what I mean. I want to build my life around you. See, I didn’t immediately go for the song, but you know me well enough that there was one. A friend told me once that I have music for every situation, that I can mold into anything. Sort of like my furry little kid who takes whatever shape he chooses lying in bed. It’s like how I watch you curl around our other children. Like Jeanie in The Handmaid’s Tale singing, I Only Want To Be With You. Speaking of which I Melt With You, right here watching everything on TV My Love.

Still, if I want you forever, Better Shape Up Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 302 ~Willing DJ Or Band~

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I haven’t heard a fat lady sing, so this life isn’t over yet… I don’t think so, but to be fair, I haven’t been listening to music lately. Don’t have to block people at work and need to be on guard at Walmart. “Willing DJ Or Band,” my future

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Log 302 ~Willing DJ Or Band~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I burned through my songwriting long ago. Also, I owe my Granddad a hundred bucks, but he said, and I quote, “I don’t know you.” The feeling is mutual, so one less person invited to our wedding. Last week I spoke some about parties and what is a wedding but a celebration of love? As always, I remain a traditionalist so short of a church I want everything a wedding entails. Yeah I’m short groomsmen, My Dæmon is my Best Man, I got my Mom and my sister. Yet here I’m wondering DJ or Band.

The isolation isn’t getting to me but more the lack of music. I’m always listening to something, or so I thought. With no people to block out and nowhere to go well, those voices are fading away. If I want to be sad, here’s a song God Help The Outcasts. Okay, is this going to be a list of my favorite songs? Considering I want to spend my life with you, that will take forever. Still, while I’m on the subject of weddings. I told you about how I still regret not dancing with Indiana Gone at her wedding. Somehow though, I imagine dancing with you on the road to “Drunk On You.” If you asked me to pick our wedding song, though? I’m like a mixture of Howard and Yuri Orlov when it comes to manipulating events. So um, do you want to watch Containment (Katie and Jake) “This Love” or YouTube (Katie and Jake) “If I Lose Myself.”

Okay, back to writing before I start crying; real love songs make me cry Baby Girl heh. I wrote a year’s worth of poetry and added Ellie Goulding’s song “Love Me Like You Do.” Writing is my first love, my firstborn, my second, and you Baby Doll. “You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration.” What about my novel, though, The Eve of a Cherry? Moondust (Stripped) by Jaymes Young, this song is so us when I’m writing. With all those, I love this in one-line, “I’ve buried my love to give the world to you.” The song that explains me and my writing the most though comes from Tupac’s Ghetto Gospel:

“If I upset you don’t stress, never forget
That God isn’t finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes I go blind and let the Lord do his thang” ― Ghetto Gospel, Tupac

Yeah, I’m weird to take a road trip with, right? So what about the question… lightsaber duel, poetry reading but music, Willing DJ Or Band.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 295 ~This Party Will Be~

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The day I met my wife should be the happiest day ever, and that was well… how about the day I met my firstborn, or when I met my best friend (human). I’m not one for huge celebrations, but I know the high holy days of women. “This Party Will Be”

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Log 295 ~This Party Will Be~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ll benefit from the high holy days. Yeah, I can talk about Christmas, Easter, but what about Valentine’s, Halloween. Oh, to be back in the days of retail, and aren’t I still? I’ve never been one for holidays or celebrations, to be honest. Now don’t you worry, your birthday, our Anniversary, and I already mention Valentine’s Day. I’m the type of man that will bring some flowers for no reason or something shiny. An attempt at distraction perhaps for the days I should be celebrating that I usually dread.

For example, last night and this morning Saturday/Sunday. I was terrified for My Dæmon. I didn’t get a wink of sleep, which explains why I’m running so late today. Nothing is going to happen to me because I got you and the kids. I’ve never cherished every breath though with myself. When it comes to him, though? His life is a celebration. You’ve seen me buy him a mountain of fries on his birthday. My firstborn has been with me for over a decade, and it just shows I should do better. Thirty-five years for myself, and I still don’t want to go out on “My Day.” Let the kids bring breakfast in bed, and I know how I want to spend the night; with you. No singing though, no Happy You Know What. Like Dennis Hof, I might go into “work,” but that day isn’t a good one, but needs are only survivable babydoll.

When I finish writing a book, like I did this weekend, there’s no party. I take a breath and a well-deserved nap. Of course, Camp NaNoWriMo isn’t recording the finish yet. I still have editing to do, but there’s never been a thing for one more novel down. I don’t celebrate when I publish either. Most writers go crazy as in, taking happy pictures and having their family all around. I’ll party when I see the money flow into our account, and I’m sitting on a beach watching you and the kids play. Now that’s my dream. I’m sorry I’m not one for celebrations. My Love. Living is what it is, and as long as we’re happy. I don’t need fireworks, lots of loud people, and as the song goes, “You’re All I Need To Get By.” You didn’t think we’d talk without me breaking out a song or two.

Singing because you know I’m not one for “Movin’ Cool.” I promise I’ll stop, hah, but I didn’t even dance at Indiana Gone’s wedding. That was a good day, and I am happy for her, but I still regret not dancing with her. Now, of course, that explains our wedding, Star Wars meets The Hunger Games. As always, I am a traditionalist, so you know I wanted everything, but I was more for “The After Party,” hah. Baby Girl any day being with you is a good day, and you’re all the fun I’ll ever need, This Party Will Be.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 288 ~Means To A Will~

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I’ve never agreed with the sentiment that you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else. I avoid mirror but I look at my furry son every day and if I was looking at someone next to me that decided to share my life? “Means To A Will”

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Log 288 ~Means To A Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but do you want to hear how I did it? On the one hand, I don’t want you to be Ava Fontaine, not caring what I do. I’m not one to keep secrets from those I love, which explains My Dæmon and me, telling him everything.

I’m grateful I don’t have to explain who Ava Fontaine is or the term Dæmon. You see, there was this girl once who said she felt like she knew me and then she stopped talking. I know Baby Girl I can be a lot to deal with, I’m always defining myself. I’m hard to love. There’s no denying at all.

The thing is My Love, you get me, you’re there. When I tell you, “I’ll Be” the greatest fan of your life, I mean it. Obsessive, stalkerish, “I’ll be around” as the song goes, I want to know everything, from your head down to your toes. I did tell you I have a thing about feet, right? Anyway, when I quote a book, other than the question, where’s that from? I need you to know what I’m trying to say. Even if you debate me on it, don’t ask what I am trying to say. You know I hate talking on the phone, but I’m like the President with my pauses. Obama, not Trump, because I won’t lie to you ever. It’s in my silences where I speak the loudest. It could be too much to ask, but I’m not asking you to read my mind but feel in the blanks, you ought know Alanis.

Call it me getting in touch with my feminine side, and if it that offends you, good. It’s not the very first time, nor the last time. The point is you should know I don’t want to hurt you ever, okay, and even in that, I shouldn’t have to explain myself. Baby Doll, I guess I’m feeling alone, and everyone that wants to talk doesn’t get me at all. I love being a father. I love telling beautiful young women what to do. Like Jigsaw, I want people to see as I see. You’re different though, I need you to see me. That too is too much, I know. If I were to say “Stay With Me until the end, please,” You would say “Always.” Now, what game’s that from?

Sigh Means To A Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 246 ~A Question Of Will~

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I regret not dancing with my friend at her wedding but the song, do you love me now that I can dance, well for the right woman I better learn like “American Wedding” am I right, and I have more questions. “A Question Of Will”

Tuesday, March 3, 2020

Log 246 ~A Question Of Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now and an intellectual. Yeah, which one of those is truer? You know I’m a Star Wars fan, so I’ll quote Han Solo, “Never tell me the odds.” I’m one to ask questions because I want to know, and at the same time, it’s like I will never understand. If it’s not that, then I already know the answer. In a way, I do, am I the best lover and friend, the best daddy I can. Come on; you think I was going to get through this without music, namely Will Smith. Well, how about 21 Questions?

Don’t worry, my love I’m not going to bore you today with that many. I could ask you how you think my new book is doing. How I respect the NaNoWriMo community, but I’m ready to turn Facebook off. From asking about my book title to the differences between Reverend and Minister. You could ask me how was work today? I don’t want to say okay. What I do now is a million times better than once upon a time? Still, the things I looked up, the stories appearing in front of my eyes, the money, the power, the women. I’ll ask you to stay with me, and I’m frightened of what that answer might be someday. I won’t lie; it was a lack of confidence at one point. Only I know who I am and what I want, and I’ve said, I Can’t Stop.

You ask me, am I happy and I’ll ask you the same. Does the money make me happy, my dæmon, our other children, you? My mom told me once about unconditional love, but she didn’t protect me from my “father.” I will never be like him, but the fact that again you stay, you’re mine. You’ll have to excuse me, maybe it’s novels, perhaps it’s braided hair, or I could have half a brain. I’ll ask you, Real or Not Real; you love me? Star Wars and The Mockingjay, right? The strange thing is, the hardest question I asked you was, what’s your name. After that, everything else followed, but my curiosity never stopped. I will understand someday, but I have to keep asking the questions. One more song; oh darling Stay With Me, won’t you.

I don’t have much of a voice, am I so smart, A Question Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 239 ~A Whole New Will~

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Last night I discovered something brand new, not the kind of thing I would share with my son but with a woman in my life, the right woman I should say, finding new worlds, more “stuff, and thangs.” A Whole New World

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Log 239 ~A Whole New Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m greedy. My Love, I have to admit that I am somewhat Hoity-Toity. You’re looking at a man who was upset at the La Quinta by Wyndham. All because I preferred Courtyard by Marriott. SHUDDERS, my foot still hurts remembering that long drive. I was angry at myself for not getting My Dæmon a better boarding room. There were women way before you that I would choose a hotel before my “house.” I’m trying to explain that when I think of a whole new world. A whole new me I honest to God mean better.

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions…. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Sure we’ve had this conversation before. If a man wants an angel, he must build Heaven. A queen must have her throne. In my businesses, I want to provide the most beautiful, the comfiest place imaginable. As Sade would sing, “is it a crime?” You and I, My Love, as parents want to provide a better world for our children, more than we ever knew in our lives. Yes, I suppose I will be using plenty of songs today. Take another one of my favorites, “With Arms Wide Open.” One more reason I don’t want the kids to be like me, I tell them, “Be Not So Fearful” of this world before them. At the same time, baby girl, I create new worlds in my writing. Again I wish to build paradise because I know this world. I know I haven’t seen much of the world, and that’s why I want you and me together.

“You’ll never be just anything. A tsunami can never be ‘just’ a wave.”
“Get off my chin.”
“I like that about you. Waves are banal. Tsunamis reshape the Earth. Under the right circumstances, even entire civilizations.”
I blink.
“You’re going to be one hell of a woman one day” Iced

To me, my baby doll, “You Are My Home.” Not good, better, or even best, you are MINE. I become the man I want to be that I need to be, that I always should have been, because of you. Dare I say, “You Rock My World.” Understand this now. You’re my asteroid “Armageddon,” my tsunami “Iced,” my hurricane “Nerve.” You destroyed my world so that I could build the land of my dreams. You’re different, and excuse my geeky reference, but Galen called Jyn “Stardust; I call you “Moondust.” It scares me sometimes to think of the power you have and the power I found because of you. The things I will do and that I won’t do for you in this life. The more things change, the more they stay the same, looking at the man in the mirror, A Whole New Will.

I Will Have No Fear