“I know you were right, I can’t be fixed.” Tell that to Virgil. He got stuck with broken me. Is it good that I’m nuts because he doesn’t have any? Jokes aren’t getting us any closer. And Braxton’s further away. Women… Ha-Ha. “Virgil, To B Apart”
Tuesday, June 4, 2024
Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~
Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But those three little words, “I Love You,” are so far apart some days, love.
And I’m trying to figure out how to push them back together every day. Somehow. Taking Braxton’s ashes, with a bit of his fur and whatever else he left of himself, isn’t going to bring him back to me. Ladders can only go so high. Or how low I would have to go. That would be easier. But I’m still picking up the pieces of my broken heart. This mess
Those pieces are stopping me from finding the way to Hell. And looking into those pieces, do you know what I see? All the parts of this existence I love. Again, my love, I try.
But I’m no good with fixing things around the house. I couldn’t fix Braxton. What about our marriage? Not broken
Love has so many new parts now. Gigantic! A big, big love! Did I say that out loud? I can’t be that far gone when I want even more babies. If you’re up for that, my love. And isn’t that the whole point of existence? I believe that love is the answer. You know. Ha-Ha.
More to the point, the meaning of life… Seek out a kingdom “Worthy of Your Soul.” OK, I’ll turn the music off. But it’s a part of who I am. Only there are bigger parts. Um, well, you know that Baby Girl. OK, I’ll stop. But you would rather have me revved up than crying.
But I cried the whole time. Doesn’t matter had… relations.
Lies and jokes, my love…
I’m trying to find more parts of myself to help build us. And then there’s B III—boy, dog, son.
I want him to see from Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or wherever he ended up. My love, I need an existence so big that… What, he’ll find his way back? He’ll see my kept promise?
If I could love you, our family, and even Virgil so much, somehow, I could find my way into Heaven or build one for us. It takes so much. There are so many moving parts.
I have to get moving and start finding those parts. Lest Braxton and I, you and I, Virgil and I never find our way together. Humpty Dumpty. Fix. Even it out. Virgil, To B Apart
1220 Days Without B III, Day 661 of Virgil’s Arrival
B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will