Tag: Afraid

Saga 286 ~Virgil, You’ll B Who~

WillLeave a comment

When I think about who I am and who I want to be. Can I go back before the Olds signed whatever in the hospital? Before I signed off on what would happen to B. More writing when V stepped into the world. B and I, we were just us. Virgil, You’ll B Who

Thursday, April 13, 2023

Saga 286 ~Virgil, You’ll B Who~

802 Days Without B III, Day 243 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s polite to ask. Isn’t it? I want to think the best part was me.

Am I feeling good about myself? Considering at the moment, it’s Monday, April 10, 2023. I know I won’t finish our conversation today. But I’m time traveling. And I can already tell you this week is going to suck. I know you can always say that I’m still alive right? But whoever I was the day you left died with you. And how many times has it been B III? I’m still mad at myself. Yes, always about what I did. But if we’re talking about more recent events. Today is Monday. I was supposed to tell Madam Justice all about Rule 287. It says, “Some Are Born Many Times.” I’m missing books on reincarnation. I think I’ve given up in a way—only Death.

Grim effing Reaper, Necromancer, a god? Way before meeting you, B, I had such dreams. Oh, no worries, Triple B; I was lazy then as I am now. Only why am I up right now? There are so many people making their way in this world. Studying medicine, though, Braxton? I’ve told you that there was a time when I wanted to be a veterinarian. One more thing I could’ve done to keep you alive. As far-fetched as it may seem. Because working on people… I don’t know people. And you know what they make me out to be, Braxton—being your Dad. I know who I was, who I am, and I was proud. And who I am now. Who I want to be.

Well, somebody who’s not crying, for starters. Is this because I’m thinking of your cute face? Or that I’m so tired. Be lazy, be dead, be me like father like son. You’d follow me anywhere. And if anything, I’m a dead man. All these books say you’ll beat us there. Rainbow Bridge? I wish I could be the kind that believed in that Braxton. But I wanted to believe in reincarnation too. And then I looked at Virgil, and for a moment, you will be… Popular? Hell! I post Virgil’s picture every day almost… An influencer that has a dog? Not me! And Virgil’s not you. I know that. Braxton, I want to be someone, not thinking of joining you daily. Virgil, You’ll B Who

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 282 ~To B’s Level V~

WillLeave a comment

Get on my level… um, yeah. Braxton had a look he would give me. Like every time, I was STUP… well, less than his Dad, anyway. Or when I wasn’t writing and instead watching YouTube. And the time I wasted on Easter? What? I ain’t Jesus. To B’s Level V.

Sunday, April 9, 2023

Saga 282 ~To B’s Level V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means RISE and shine because life is good. A “Good Day,” “Lovely Day,” and so on.

RISE! Is that my advice to you today? Is that a challenge? It is the order, a gift, to Braxton. As it has been, going on 798 Days now. You RISE as a murderer. And considering you have done so, you have yet to face punishment. Dammit! If falling out of bed at 38 killed. If Virgil keeps pushing, you’ll bust your head on the vent this week. You can Hope. Define what HOPE is, like so many other words. To see Braxton again? If he did cross the “Rainbow Bridge,” up in Heaven, Elysium, some good place. Will you make it there? Braxton never showed me how. Good Dog? Not as foreign as “Deshi Basara.” Remember from The Dark Knight Rises? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Wait for Me in the Rainbow by Laura Vidal, Georgia Delena
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 100 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

The things you remember, like “Why Do We Fall?” The song, not the actual reasoning. How about the promise? Will you try not to be an asshole Republican today or tomorrow? We don’t “whitewash” or completely erase history here. Like Mike Enslin in “1408,” “We came here to get the story, and we don’t rattle, do we?” Message from Braxton. There’s also the line, “We’re here to do the job, and we don’t rattle.” You think you’re too deep into Pop Culture. Right? No denying that. But Braxton always did know how to reach you. Friend, son, brother… the best man you’ve ever known. And to think you raised him. You raised him (sigh). Put him on your level and then beyond. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING How to ROAR: Pet Loss Grief
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 100 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And that’s why you’re trying to reach him through what? These Things. What about V? Hell! How many times have I failed? I was thinking about that. When I was trying to fix the blog yesterday. And when I talked to Cherry, she asked. “Is sex all you think about?” Yeah, feeling like the scum of the Earth. There’s also being “kicked off,” um… Anyway. Seeing as how it’s Easter Sunday and it was once tradition to watch “The Ten Commandments” (1956). Though you’re thinking more The Prince of Egypt” and that song from Boyz II Men, “I Will Get There.” Again promise to Triple B. Not then, but now. “Neva Eva,” get on my level, ho. Until you’ve lived, succeeded? To B’s Level V

798 Days Without B III, Day 239 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

WillLeave a comment

I was so lazy today. I didn’t remember how effed I felt yesterday. Or how about how sick I’ve been since when February 16? And with the Day Job, how many people do I owe money to? Well, B got out, and Virgil isn’t really helping. Virgil Says, B Lazy.

Thursday, April 6, 2023

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

795 Days Without B III, Day 236 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Am I even listening to you or anyone worthwhile? Well, to be honest, that’s you.

And I want to say I hear you, B. Hell! There was a time we could read each other’s minds. You never lost that ability, but you know how humans are. I was telling Inspector Echo last night that I’m not human. Only that would be an insult to the monster or savage I claim to be. Regardless. Today I have been lazy… And sick too. Remember those 4 AMs? I can’t say I’ve been doing much writing. And didn’t NaNoWriMo start up again, B? There was a time you would have wanted me to play with you all day. Or I would bring the laptop outside. And I would type as you run around; or bring your pillow. Nowadays, I’m listening to mine because of Virgil… I can’t say I understand him yet, B.

So I’m making it up that he’s happy. If I’m not being some asshole GOP Trumptard. Then I’m my Olds. Pretending that everything is okay and not wanting to hear a damn thing ever. Your last year on Earth, Braxton, you prepared me for this world to go to Hell. Because if I wasn’t going to get up off my ass to save it? I could at least save us. And how did that turn out? I failed you. And all I’ve been thinking about is how much I want to hear you again. Heartbeat, breath, those little grunts when I was annoying. Infamous looks? Those I remember most. You didn’t have to say anything.

Now, what am I listening to? My body? If that were the case, why not turn on the AC ha? I wish I could say it was this sickness, The Cherry Collision. Today’s better (snickers). There’s some girl you never met… Better known as M Anime, so texting all morning. There’s, of course, sex. But I never flaunted that in front of you. Endless punishment. Ironic. Isn’t it? I wanted you to get in trouble or do your own thing so I could do whatever; now, going on Day 97 (sigh). Hell! Not that you care to hear that or my record of 161 days. That’s what I call being lazy or sad. Not living but existing. Lazy and not dying? Virgil Says, B Lazy

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 275 ~WANTED! My B. Virgil…~

WillLeave a comment

Wanted Dead or Alive… Most days, I’m unsure which side of the line I fall on. In either case, I don’t want to get up. I had to for Braxton, which made it worth it. Now I’m wanted as a joke, a criminal or a slave. What do I want? WANTED! My B. Virgil.

Sunday, April 2, 2023

Saga 275 ~WANTED! My B. Virgil…~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means the world is mine. As for you, sadness, sickness. And oh so many sins (sigh).

But it always begins with B III. And that annoyance you feel right now? Hell! The only reason you don’t want to sit here right this second? There’s the fur baby against your leg. It beats calling him “The Freeloader.” But of course, you would know all about that, wouldn’t you? When you waste the weekend the way you did. Please do it for Braxton. Right? Now I can’t name one thing I did yesterday that mattered. Talk about spending money. I can’t say a dollar went towards mourning him. Or even helping out Little Virgil: hotdog buns and a bit of a biscuit. And now you have to go shopping. Staying in bed as Virgil sleeps or leaving. Then there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Black Women’s History of the United States (5)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 093 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Notice that healing is not among them. Yet, you did feel good this morning. Whatever do you mean? Five hours without feeling sick is considered a win at this time. At this time? I am so sick of time, and you will be too. Every minute of every day, sadly. Yesterday, I timed it so I would be back to watch NXT Stand & Deliver. Only to see that I had missed an hour and a half. Now sure, streaming. Then there were six hours of WrestleMania. And isn’t it funny I didn’t get sick? That only happens when… living. Please! That won’t ever be the right word. But when trying to do something, anything. Not being all “Mesmerizing Caroline.” Capable of Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Wait for Me in the Rainbow by Laura Vidal, Georgia Delena
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Speaking of Caroline, that’s exactly what I mean, how she’s all into sex. Or otherwise, she’s mad as all hell. She’s unfocused; she’s a wreck. Your son, sleeping, or anything sexual. Otherwise, you’ll be effed up. That’s my advice to you. Answer the question, though. What do you want? That should have made the Impossible Things list. Finding that out. Impossible, Inane, Insane… Illegal? One of each? But at this moment, if there was Braxton? Again you want him back. But that’s not going to happen now. Is it? Reincarnation! Thoughts of such are Inane but why? Insane, how many OF subscriptions have I bought? And to join Braxton? Well, murder is illegal, but Euthanasia… what happened to B III. Yourself. WANTED! My B. Virgil…

791 Days Without B III, Day 232 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 272 ~To B Losers Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“This is a commune. We’re communists.” “This is a rebellion, isn’t it? I rebel” I’m a loser, so I lose. I was losing my little boy before I knew it. I lose time trying to be… A writer, a web designer? I lose my mind over boobs. V? To B Losers Virgil.

Thursday, March 30, 2023

Saga 272 ~To B Losers Virgil~

788 Days Without B III, Day 229 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My wonderful boy, Will’s son. I’ll let the world know. My work and my woman.

So despite being in bed most of the week. And this is after the Day Job. Hell! Braxton, you would have demanded we cuddle. Well, not that Wednesday before you passed. Frightening to be in love with a dead man. Okay, so we have the movie Troy and now The Matrix. Not that I have been relaxing at all this week. Last night was… effed’ up. Braxton, I was reminded of how you were crying, and I went all Reservoir Dogs. “Say it: you’re gonna be okay! Say the goddamn words: you’re gonna be okay!” The next day B. It found you right where Virgil is now—lying beside me with no plans whatsoever. Braxton, we were/are losers. Only you didn’t mind. You didn’t know what I would do Sunday.

I cared more about my work than my goddamn son! And for once, I’m not talking about the Day Job. Last night I was working right where I am now. Then this whole place fell. I spent half the night trying to fix it. And then I called for help. Can you shut up, B? Remember, that’s what I said to you, thinking you were annoying. What came next? That’s what I ask myself every time I punch these keys or pick up the pen. What about my damn penis? When I’m afraid, I either want to pee my pants or pull them off altogether. I’m either a pathetic little boy or a pervert. Or I’m in pain because, worse thing, my boy is dead.

I lost you, Triple B. I need to back up my work. Publish your books. And be prepared for whatever this night is going to bring. So far, only the continued feeling of loss, Braxton. Didn’t I say yesterday that I was taught losing is okay? I wonder what it’s like to win for once. I’ve said it many times, I won the day you had a choice, and you jumped in the car with me. I was still a loser. But love is the prize. Not that I agree with that song at all. Braxton, I won that Sunday; you were dying, and you looked… “Daddy, let’s go home.” You didn’t lose your fight. I taught you to win. Virgil? To B Losers Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 268 ~I’ll B Angry Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

If I were to write about everything making me angry… That’s another book, a way to stay awake or WOKE. And it is libel to get me arrested at some point. But yeah, I’m angry. Like The Hulk, I’m always angry. Mostly at B being gone. I’ll B Angry Virgil

Sunday, March 26, 2023

Saga 268 ~I’ll B Angry Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And even if that makes me a horrible “human being,” it’s better than you… Well, horror movies.

And before you forget, as I did. You should watch “Making of The Last of Us.” If anything, that’s the least of what’s making you mad today. And you did wake up angry… again. As always, it begins with one single truth. Braxton is dead. Father to a murdered son and all that. And you’re the one that did it, so… well, you signed the papers anyway. Always remember. After that, everything should be easier to deal with. But you don’t want to, ha. Now before you turn all selfish, there’s Virgil. How terrible are you? Your side hurts as he lies against it. The way he’s breathing is much different from Braxton’s. You remember how he’d hack in fear for days… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Carry On: Reflections for a New Generation” John Lewis
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 086 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

That was one of his he needed to get over. But you? It was only last night; I was looking at the PetSmart where I got him from. When was the last Saturday I visited? Humiliation? The knowledge that I wasn’t the right person for Virgil. Hmm? What about you, though? You’ll have a hard enough time dealing with people this week. And to think I wasted most of yesterday trying not to think about today. Even though the Day Job schedule is in black and white, you were expecting a phone call. Speaking of which, is it eight yet? Outside? Oh, what? You’re that eager to take off your pants… effing edging? I wasted fifteen bucks. Titties on OnlyFans. No tits, and wanting to see Cherry’s. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Black Women’s History of the United States (5)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Like getting over The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Or The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. You have to say that at least once a week. I did snag you some vitamins to try. You would have preferred a sex toy. And what about some actual food for the week? You’ve had pepper dogs and onion rings for two days, ha. And that’s the biggest thing. Well, other than your Enormous Penis… Okay, I’ll stop, hmm. Save that for OnlyFans. At least you fixed things with that woman. Eight out of ten, she says, on your dick. The only affirmation you’re getting today, all because of effing anger. Tomorrow it’s not going anywhere. Today, sitting in bed. I’ll B Angry Virgil.

784 Days Without B III, Day 225 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 261 ~I’ll B Annoying Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What really annoys me? Air. Being a black man in America, I shouldn’t say that. But I continue to breathe in and out. I listen to members of the GOP that… um, anyway. B III, of course, is missing out, but what is Heaven? While I’ll B Annoying Virgil.

Sunday, March 19, 2023

Saga 261 ~I’ll B Annoying Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you are… well, you want tacos. What’s one more thing not to share with Virgil Vivi?

I shared with Braxton all the time. And look where that got him. I’m sure Virgil doesn’t want to hear about it. Well, that is, if you REALLY talked to him at all. Today or tomorrow? At the moment, you’re only annoyed with yourself, to be honest. Or with me. Apologies. I didn’t learn from The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Oh No. That led to The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. And yes, you’re still sick. To think, brave people, brainy, and God knows better, would be recovering somehow. You hate wearing a watch because you’re clocking your time in Hell. What? 777 days? There are your pendants of Braxton. Oh, your hoody or Linus’s blanket. And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “How to Be an Antiracist” by Ibram X. Kendi
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 079 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Like everything you wear to “act right,” it’s annoying to report my failures every Sunday. And, yes, these are my failures, but Hell! You’ve already failed six, getting out of bed this morning. You won’t have the time for five. Again look at the watch. Sit still! Four was you annoying Virgil by kicking him out of the bedroom. I uploaded all those movies yesterday, and you took advantage of yourself… But like Norah Jones sang out. “I don’t know why I didn’t come.” There’s no time for three, either. And even if you had the whole week, you wouldn’t do anything. As for two, didn’t I say I uploaded new porn? Who are you, Lou effing Bega. Talk about, One-hit wonder… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Carry On: Reflections for a New Generation” John Lewis
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I like Rebekah, Scarlet, Chanel, and Audrey, A little bit of… It’s annoying being pathetic. How about downright STUPID when it comes to M Anime and Cherry? There’s B’s Aunt. And what do you want me to tell you? I’ve read from two highly educated and influential black men. Yeah fuck you Ron DeSantis. And while we’re on the subject fuck Donald Trump too. Do you want to know what else is annoying? Hoping Trump will get what’s coming to him. Only did he ever kill a fur baby? If you weren’t looking up porn. You might know these things. But besides that, you’re looking up medicine and the time. How much does Virgil have? Will you love him like Braxton? I’ll B Annoying Virgil

777 Days Without B III, Day 218 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 254 ~B Quiet, Virgil’s Watching~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton’s brave enough to face the rain, but Virgil? If 2V got a B III’s quality, I’d hope it’d be bravery and not wanting an empty belly because… Only V’s two, and B was/is fifteen (eighteen). I’m no role model, either. “B Quiet, Virgil’s Watching.”

Sunday, March 12, 2023

Saga 254 ~B Quiet, Virgil’s Watching~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But you can’t even afford a babysitter… dogsitter, whatever. How you need one right this second, hmm.

Keep in mind if this were Braxton… A few things about that. Virgil ain’t Braxton. Inevitably, he wants to be. Hell! You wish you were as well. Braxton’s Smart, Strong… And unfortunately, you didn’t wake up as a Spirit today. Sorry I continued to exist. Saturday night… yeah, I was all kinds of sick. The Cherry Collision. And this morning? Again, if it were Braxton, it would be more emotional than physical. A fucking illness. Only the more things change, the more they stay the same? Remember Braxton’s pain and panic. The fact he wasn’t eating. And now Virgil leaves an uneaten treat… not again. I hate to say it… well, not really. But you’re acting like a real dick. Too early. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined Mesmerizing Caroline 2
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 065 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 072 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Is Virgil following your lead? I was so in love with dying while Braxton lived. Only it was the soul. And for him, it was his small body with a good heart. Kidneys? Dammit! It’s “Times Like These” I wish I had stuck with becoming a veterinarian. Ha-ha. It’s not like I had role models, okay. As “H” put it, “role models, role models.” Okay, stop. Now you’re thinking about getting in some girl’s pants. Did you have to mention pants? The only reason yours are on is that Virgil was crying. And for what? Do you even care? Because you didn’t when it was Triple B. And look where that got him. And you? All you care about is Triple X. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined “How to Be an Antiracist” Ibram X. Kendi
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At this rate, you should include, being Johnny Sins. Not rushing around sick in one hour. How about paying off some OnlyFans girls. Or thinking about two English vixens, etc. Then you wonder why Virgil is freaking out. He’s quieted down now. So did Braxton. But of all the lessons Braxton could teach the freeloader, usurper, um, Virgil. Being mean? Think of what you have to do today for Virgil’s benefit? You’re being a selfish bastard, though, looking at the clock. It’s only been forty-five minutes. Shows you’re, um, pathetic. “But I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell. I know, right now, you can’t tell.” As the song goes. Any advice? Be as your son. Alive, not dead. Good Luck. B Quiet, Virgil’s Watching

770 Days Without B III, Day 211 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 247 ~My Last B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“I will not accept a life I do not deserve.” Um, if I were in the GOP and enjoyed effing people over. If I were Johnny Sins, effing hot chicks. If I could write like Eric Vall or something like Mesmerizing Caroline. No! My success, My Last B, Virgil.

Sunday, March 5, 2023

Saga 247 ~My Last B, Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But why is that your definition of success? Should you worry about being WOKE? Um, not really.

But as far as getting your naked ass out of bed… Any advice on that? Pick one day out of the week to rest. Again, sleep naked, get eight hours, and as if you need prompting. Ahem, Get Ur Freak On. Ain’t that a modicum of success? As if you were B’s dad or BFFF. And I’ll never say I was great at that. Every morning I woke up saying, “I’ll do my best,” ha-ha, at least when it came to my son. To think Braxton was the greatest success. Without him, what comes next? To raise a good man… Considering how he was with his Aunt Carolina. But at the end of the day, he did the impossible these days. Love. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Mesmerizing Caroline The Beginning (Imogen Linn)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 058 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 065 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And at best, you’re a C-student. See, “Cash rules everything around me C.R.E.A.M., get the money. Dollar dollar bill, y’all.” Oh, of course, coochie… Good for you not using the other C-word. I read “Mesmerizing Caroline” last. Um, a girl being bathed in cum… okay. (Breathes) I was only trying to get a D in some math class at one time. All so my “Dad” wouldn’t beat my ass. I’ll tell you the things you’re going to do with this week in existence. But it’s so sad that you’re already failed this week. I got 2V to walk downstairs all so he can have more space, and what does he do? Pisses on the carpet. Doggies! Locking him up, so what about Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined (Ibram X. Kendi?)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 065 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Fuck you, dude. You spent almost three hours dicking around, literally. If you didn’t have your dick in your hands, it was talking to M Anime or Cherry. Fucking everything. Problems? No! Your own failures. What’s pissing you off at the moment though so dumb. Remember how I’ve spent these last months trying to find the perfect song for Spotify? Your year of music? Only how did you fuck this up? What incredible song selection did you choose? Butterfly by Crazy Town. Because all you could think of or with is your fucking dick. Was it always like this? After Braxton died, there was nothing. Finding him a mom was the last thing on my mind. Your existence; making the grade? My Last B, Virgil

763 Days Without B III, Day 204 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 240 ~300, 2V, B III~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t say I’m a big fan of the movie 300. Wanting a body like a Spartans. And specific scenes with Lena Headey or the oracles… I shouldn’t be paying for any movies. I got fur kids. Not a fur kid but two. Braxton hasn’t left, um… 300, 2V, B III

Sunday, February 26, 2023

Saga 240 ~300, 2V, B III~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as the song goes, “I need a dollar, dollar a dollar is what I need.” Billionaire?

Not you looking for $300.00? And that’s if you’re lucky. Is there any chance you’re scheduling that doctor’s appointment? After The Cherry Collision on Thursday, February 16, 2023? You won’t let yourself forget the date. Fuck! You need a date, but we’ll get to that. Like getting to the $300, you owe B III and 2V. Oh, look at that, you remembered, ha? $150.00 for each of them. And if we’re not talking about the material… V needs a nail trim and bath; what about meds for the month? I know you at least have been jonesing for a painkiller. Not that it would do anything physically. Mentally, you’re not as brave as, let’s say, the 300. Oh no, you’re cowardly with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING NSFW: A Novel by Isabel Kaplan
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 051 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 058 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Should I also mention stupid when it comes to Math? Low blow. I apologize. Father. You’re speaking like him. And you’re not Virgil’s. Not even sure you want to be. Billionaire? That’s what you want to be. But do you know how they talk about families affording a $400.00 emergency? As I said, what was it, Friday? Savings, Paypal, House? That’s $900.00. Then $100.00 for me. Now, where is this $300 for the boys? Dammit. There’s the dollars that don’t quite make it to $100.00, so… Suggestions, Plans, Excuses, hmm? Where do you cut? Oh, don’t worry. The last time you cut yourself was shaving. I’ve never been that kind of person, and neither will you. Your pain comes from Braxton and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Mesmerizing Caroline The Beginning (Imogen Linn)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 058 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

That’s not fair at all to say. I spent over $500.00, and for what. Your son is worth it all. “And you could have it all. My empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt,” as the song goes. Because really, what do I have to leave you? Again I did the Math. And it seems I’ve never been wrong about being broke. Another song coming on (sigh)… “Unforgettable, that’s what you are.” No matter how much I wished for it. Not waking up? Or how about that song “when I’m in the strip club, I get love for about 500 dollars.” If you wonder why we’re talking late, you need only look in the mirror. 300, 2V, B III

756 Days Without B III, Day 197 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will