Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

Pa’s thinking about paw prints. And putting on pause all the effed-up stuff he would like to do. But it’s only Tuesday, and this week isn’t getting better. Someone asked how my Father’s Day was. B’s gone, no baby mommas, V’s somewhere. “On Paws B, V”

Tuesday, June 20, 2023

Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. One thing never on pause is, as the song goes, “Money making is a wonderful thing.

Pa will always provide because that is what a man does. A man provides, as I was telling M Anime today. As a matter of fact, that is what my business, any business is about. Always and forever, “I want the money, money, and the cars. Cars and the clothes, the hoes, I suppose.” The things I shouldn’t be singing while married, huh? We’re still… Speaking of being a husband. What about me being a father, a pa, and a daddy? I don’t remember a lot from this weekend, to be honest. Does money make me a good one, hmm? From my employees in my line of work, I hear a lot of guys that pay to hear themselves called daddy. I have a family.

Paws. Yes, before you and our kids, there was my firstborn. My Braxton. I can still remember the last hug I gave him. Even now. I have a card and a cast of his final paw prints. And whenever I hear Virgil’s footsteps, I can forget sometimes. Minutes, a second? My son is gone, but I have to keep being a Dad. I don’t remember myself before my B III. Again we have our children, and I love them with everything I am. Unconditionally. But I’ve been reading “Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter.” And while I love my son, I think he’s like Peter Pan, and I’m a lost boy. He’d never grow up. And without him, well, I’m still so lost.

Pause. That has been my entire existence. Or the past 870 days. Only nothing ever stops. Does it? My heart is still beating. So I’m alive. And as long as I’m breathing, Braxton is too. Two. That’s how old Virgil is, in case I forget. And his “Gotcha Day” is coming up in a few months. I’ve been on pause getting everything I promised him and Braxton. Love is not something that should be paused, but spending money. What about us? “You can fight a lot of enemies and survive, but not your own biology.” That’s Lord of War. Though I work more for life than death. Desire is desire. For you, baby girl. To love our family. Who I am On Paws B, V

870 Days Without B III, Day 311 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 348 ~A W… B, V~

Today’s saga is brought to you by the letter W. What for Will, writer, WINNER. Or is it B for Braxton, brothers-in-arms, or boobs? And V? Virgil, victory; I’m still a victim of food poisoning. I can’t miss work and watch Sesame Street. A W… B, V

Wednesday, June 14, 2023

Saga 348 ~A W… B, V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I was hoping you could remind me to buy a piece of Sesame Street. You know all the letters. Maybe…

You know, since I’m talking to you right now, Inspector. The last thing I’m doing is sitting on my behind today, Wednesday. And can I not think about Jenna Ortega right now? Or, Isabela Merced, M Anime. Inspector, I cannot forget Ariela Dirty Latina Maids.

Weakness. I am weak, Inspector. And don’t worry; there will be plenty of time for women and sex. But what about my boy? Braxton, not Virgil. One more day wondering will I be in tears or not over him. But then there’s Virgil. How long did it take Braxton to win me over? Hell! I would say it was love at first sight. Is that true or not? Thinking Inspector. That only means I’m getting over Pizza Hut’s food poisoning.

Women. And no, I’m not blaming one. The Hell if I know who made that pizza from the bowels of Hell. But do I feel like a winner right now? Today or Wednesday? Not really. The thing is this. The moment I start feeling better, do I do anything useful? Well, I am talking to you for the next hour. So what did I do from 1:00 PM to 4:00 PM? Um, so, you see… As the song goes, “It was love at first sight” Thanks, Kylie Minogue… Leana Lovings. Inspector, in all fairness, I knew about boobs before my son. And instead of his memorial album, I’ve been working on a gallery of boobs. With what it took to get those… But my son.

Writing about my son. Inspector, every day like this one. When you know each and every second, I hate existing. There’s also exposure. I’ll continue singing “The Banality of Evil.” But I could be chalking up wins elsewhere. Or tomorrow, yeah, tomorrow is when the w’s will start piling up. And here’s a song “Here I stand, and here I stay.” To write like that? Inspector, if I could write anything that might be remembered somehow, someway. I keep talking to you and the girls, though. Won’t forget Braxton or the Man in the Mirror. Only I need to do something to help Virgil. For the love of everything, to do anything to save myself. Someday a writer, a winner. Helpless. A W… B, V

864 Days Without B III, Day 305 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

“Baby, baby, baby, oh. Like, “Baby, baby, baby, no.” I don’t think I could be so “articulate” when Braxton was in my lap dying. And why am I complaining? A tummy ache, ear wax, and a few too many pills. Me and the boys… such babies. “Baby, Me, B, V.”

Tuesday, June 13, 2023

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and besides writing books. There are my “businesses.” And possibly bending… breaking… a few laws sometimes.

Not that I have been thinking much about that these days. Now sure. I’ve been crying about Braxton a little more than usual. 863 days and counting… I’m not ashamed. Billionaires are big babies for the most part. Only it’s not my sinning, my love. It’s sickness. And we’re a week in or out… I don’t know. Every day I feel a bit better. Hmm… Like one of my “stars,” I ask. How do you want me? And everything within me says that I have to be a man: a boss, a father, a husband. I wear so many hats or heavy the head that wears the crown, whatever. My love, I’m getting the whole “Lap Pillow” trope. Again it’s my firstborn, as always. Braxton.

B would lie in my lap often enough. I was on his approved list of comfy spots. And that’s when I would call him “Baby B.” Besides, when I’d walk in the house. “Just me, Baby B.” Or I would call him “You Big Baby.” No wonder he liked lying there as I petted him. Yeah, I’m getting lost in nostalgia a bit. A time when I felt well. Because yet again, this past week… I’d be lying if I said I haven’t cried out of pain. Hurting, sickness, everything. And rather than a pillow… What kind of man am I that wants to be babied? I want to crawl into your lap for a while. Weak, weird? “Unconditional love for women, children, and dogs.”

“To Be A Man,” oh “My Love.” “My love, leave yourself behind. Beat inside me, leave you blind,” Would you sing to me? Hell! Can I hear you at all, Baby girl? Today I know I ain’t going to sleep for a bit. I’ve had my first energy shot in days (sigh). Not that I’m going to be any more of a man right now. From my stomach to my ear, and now the rest of my damn head. And did I forget all of the pills that I’ve been taking? Hmm? All I want to hear is, “Poor, sweet baby. Poor, poor, sweet, sweet baby.” Or to see my Baby B. Or feel like your man, baby. But I’m all… Baby, Me, B, V

863 Days Without B III, Day 304 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 341 ~V Making The B-List~

Santa’s list… way too early. The Lamb’s Book of Life? And the government. I’m sure I’ve made it on one out of the three. I can list the bad things others have done but myself. Hell, one word, Braxton. So I’m going to… But V? V Making The B-List.

Wednesday, June 7, 2023

Saga 341 ~V Making The B-List~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so that must mean I only like counting money. Or should I say something pretty racist?

I want to say I’m not as bad as Cruz, DeSantis, Donald, the GOP, or MAGA. Hell! Who can keep up with all their crimes? As I time travel, I’m having trouble with my own. Inspector, not a day goes by. I don’t have something to love Braxton for. Even if it’s the fact that killing him is the only crime that matters to me. Hell! Today is Sunday, June 4, 2023. So who knows where I’ll be, come the day you read this. I get scared a bit. Only it was more for Braxton’s sake when he was alive. Who’d love Braxton, Inspector? Shouldn’t I be asking who’ll love Virgil? Do I? Inspector, he’s here… it ain’t enough. That’s one more worry today (sigh).

I would talk all the time before about what I would do to protect Braxton. If it ever was between him and the world… As the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” And I am not a god. My “begotten” son, my Pancake, would be safe. I would watch the world burn for him. Hell! I would burn the world down if it meant Braxton’s life, Inspector. Again I’m not that cruel? Do you remember “Aunt Lee-Lee?” Her husband “Uncle Anthony” murdered her on Saturday, June 1, 2002. Wow! Talk about hearing things from the grave, Echo. She never knew my son. But he set her straight, I suppose. I want to destroy the world, she said. Not on my to-do list

This brings us to today and the things I should be doing. Six Impossible Things? Inspector, I’ve already spoken to the “Man in the Mirror.” Four of those things… failures. And it’s only Sunday. If I were to do anything good? Become Virgil’s Daddy, Inspector? Oh no! I got Bitcoin, and why? Don’t I want to see my sin, “All These Things That I’ve Done?” I want to stay in bed and whine about everything I’m not doing, Inspector. Didn’t I set myself up at the dining room table this morning? Looking into the empty fridge and making a shopping list is not my cup of tea. Remind me to grab cappuccino mix. Listing groceries, ways to hurt, and being happy. V Making The B-List

857 Days Without B III, Day 298 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

“Stand By Your Man,” “I’m Still Standing.” Knowing “after you’ve done all you can. You just stand.” My playlist as I ask, “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” As I lie here thinking of my son and my troubles. I’ll B Standing Virgil

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But if dollars could have saved Braxton… Or with all my sins? And with everything wrong.

That I love my firstborn son as much as you, our two-legged kids, Virgil? I’m iffy about myself. And I always will be. But at least I can stand facing the man in the mirror. Inevitable with me being a husband, father… Hell! Being a man. For you? Always trying. But again, 856 days in. It’s like whenever I have to talk to my Old Man, “It’s Time for War.” I wish I could look to Braxton and again ask, “Do you love me, brother? Will you protect me from any enemy?” Okay, or sit on the couch with him and watch Troy. To stand? That’s not something I’ve wanted to do for a while. But “a man provides” always. Though today’s another day and…

Well, I don’t want to get up, my love. Oh, getting it up is no question. Hell! Have you seen yourself in the mirror today? I look at everything that makes us money. My business. What leads me into trouble? What might have me on the stand someday in a court of law, my love? Um, besides the fact that I’m a black man. A reason to get out of this bed. Instead of binging on Youtube again. But if I am going to be here, we could be doing something more interesting. Oh yeah! Enjoying my existence, my life. Because if something were to happen to me. I always worried that it would be a criminal act that would take me away from Braxton.

Wasn’t it, though? I killed him. I know you can’t stand me saying that. He can’t, either. I know it. Is it any better to say (sigh)? I believe he can talk to me now. Speaking of a time for war. This morning I heard him sing “It’s My Turn To Fly.” Singing to Braxton. Can you stand my voice at all? Like how I stand Virgil being so close to me. I pushed him to the foot of the bed this morning. I would have done the same to Braxton if I had found you before he passed. I’m sure. Can you stand all my grieving? If you couldn’t, love… But you stand, sit, uh ooh sex me up. Someday. I’ll B Standing Virgil.

856 Days Without B III, Day 297 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 334 ~B Bucks Tradition, V~

Braxton didn’t love much. Me, of course. “My” bloodline. The Aunt adopted. We both liked her boobs. But others were waiting… Yeah, right! I’m a horn dog, and for B, there were bits of food, the bucks I spent on him, and the bed. B Bucks Tradition, V

Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Saga 334 ~B Bucks Tradition, V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as the song goes, “Money can’t buy me love.” Can’t say I’m looking for it.

And Virgil… As I told Braxton’s Aunt, “JSS,” Just Survive Somehow. There’s also “Endure and Survive” if you’re more for The Last of Us. Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam or in English AHEM, I shall either find a way or make one. “So that you understand how serious I am… I’m going to say this in English.” “English, Motherf*cker, Do You Speak It?!” Excuse me for being a Pop Culture Whore. Indeed, I’m much worse, Echo. That is what brings us together today, not marriage. Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, The Princess Bride, Inspector Echo. I’m getting my movies right but not my money on this Sunday, May 28, 2023, sigh. I’m trying not to waste any more cash or… bitcoin. What am I? Smooth Criminal?

Hell! If I were, we wouldn’t be talking right now. I’ve heard sirens in the background. And while I am guilty of killing my best friend… I’ll never forget my firstborn son, my B III. How much did that cost me again? I don’t want to go upstairs, Inspector. Paperwork. Effing has me in tears. I’d be effing crying if my last deal went through. Don’t tell MILF Dos, but I cried the first time I saw her naked. So Hott! Over $300.00 some dollars. Inspector, that was some of the best cash I’ve ever spent. Player, Pimp, Pervert… Please! Now I’m an F-Boy. And if you think I was done with the Pop Culture jargon, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” Teen Idle, MARINA

Cherry and I like the same song. A twenty-something poetic virgin. And the thirty-eight-year-old asshole who tried to get her to take her clothes off. I have effed up, Inspector. Again I’ve barely spoken to Braxton’s Aunt, and then there’s M Anime. The money flies. Which is why I haven’t been on OnlyFans lately. I’m tired of being the bullshit man… uh, bullshit artist. That is, if you’ve considered the people I’ve been trying to work with these days. All because of one thing? I could go a few places with that Virgil’s not around.

So anyway, love… I’ve talked about the dream I’d have. The Nuclear Family, of course. Braxton would be there. Now? Existence, Existence, never changes. Eff Tradition. B Bucks Tradition, V

“Maybe there is love out there, but it’s running from me. I can’t keep chasing it.” Jackson Smith, The Brothers

850 Days Without B III, Day 291 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

I was raised having many a BBQ. But never invited. I was raised in the AME Church. I can appreciate a story here or there. But I didn’t want to go. And there was a time I even wanted to be a comedian. Not anymore. Just Kidding… You Rib B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But it’s not so funny anymore. Whether it’s true or false. I ain’t laughing. I’m trying.

What? Not to laugh? And I ain’t gonna lie. It’s been 849 days without my firstborn. And I have laughed my ass off at times. Well, what ass I do have. And I do like my ass? But don’t get those ideas… Got enough troubles with things inside… Mind, memories, madness. Weirdly, my rage has full reign, sigh. And yet my heart is in a cage, my love. Hell, it’s in a box on the nightstand labeled Braxton. But no! I can tell you the day I retrieved it. Wednesday, February 10, 2021. The day I saw what had become of my boy. It wasn’t a joke. He wasn’t hiding in his house, huffing at the food I made, heading under the bed as usual.

I know you’re asking what brought this on. Well, you’re my rib, after all. Religion? (Laughing). I lost whatever remained of that when Braxton died. I killed him, I know. Baby girl, it could be the fact that I’m hungry. And I know there are ribs in the fridge. Ha. Though if you could cook like Tineke Younger… I’m kidding… Jokes that might hurt feelings. I was never one for that. But feelings, isn’t that why we’re here today? Hmm. Would you rather I sing “Had a bad day again. (He) said I would not understand.” Today has been a pretty bad one. And if I told you why, besides Braxton or boobs. Who can get mad at either, I ask you? I have… did.

And I don’t know what I should do about it. I’m no bully. But I haven’t been saying Virgil’s name often. I guide him, usually with a pat on the ribs. I don’t abuse animals! Or anyone else, for that matter. It feels like my heart is trying to beat out of my chest. The meditation I’ve been doing says, “Open your chest.” That is about all I remember for sure. A few days ago, it was with the victory I had over my ear. I didn’t need your help, love. Not with that. But I need you. That’s no joke. Neither is missing my boy more than ever before. The fear “All Of Me” might end up in a cage… You Rib B, Virgil

849 Days Without B III, Day 290 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 327 ~Braxton’s Fine Print Virgil~

I’m not being the person B thinks I am. And he was/is my best friend. But what about “friends,” influencers, and the “Girl All the Bad Guys Want?” I should read up on copyrights, complaints, and charges… “Gulp.” Braxton’s Fine Print Virgil.

Wednesday, May 24, 2023

Saga 327 ~Braxton’s Fine Print Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I can talk my way out of contracts. The Terms and Conditions. Basic Morality.

So when did I sign up to be a father? No! Not only a Dad but Braxton’s. Being B’s Daddy. I still think of myself as that… “Sorry, Virgil?” Only that means I take everything that comes with it. And I keep saying it, Inspector, despite you and my “Lost Boy.” It is my truth. As the song goes, “I don’t wanna be a murderer.” I have, though, Inspector Echo. Hell! While I’m busy busting out the Rhianna, “Every time I walk out the door. I see him die a little more inside.” Now that would be Virgil. With him, there came actual paperwork. But I never saw anything about “Love and Happiness.” Inspector, seriously. It’s my effing ear, which is why there’s music galore.

Not music that I have stolen, mind you. But I’ve done that too. Today that’s the least of my problems. As I’m not MJ or the GOP. A smooth criminal. No, I’m an internet fiend. Calling me a troll is more appropriate. What about an F-Boy? Effing fiend sounds better. And all because I didn’t read the fine print. Inspector, I’m thinking of my stupidity. Horniness makes men stupid. And I dare to call myself a man. Inspector Echo, please! Now I could go into the political aspect of this, but I’m not confused at all. I’m a Heterosexual African American male. Yeah, make it easy on Law Enforcement, Inspector. Although I’m sure, all those I’ve hurt would wish death upon me. Die, just die!

Yes, I sound like Whitley’s mother from A Different World. And isn’t that what this is now? Friend? Are you my friend Inspector Echo? Because if you were, I could tell. Confess! Is there no fine print between us? Effing is ha! I’m sure it is somewhere, Inspector. Now speaking of the blog. How much was there to read, getting someone fixing it, Inspector? There will be more if I go to the doctor’s office to get my ear cleared out; I know it. Bukkake of the ear! More like what my dick’s been doing after “The Pic Phenomenon.” That’s what I’m still worrying about. Thursday, May 18, 2023. Not even a whole week. I am reading the fine print of existence. You’re effed, Will. “JSS” Braxton’s Fine Print Virgil

843 Days Without B III, Day 284 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

Have I ever been cheated on… uh? Have I ever cheated? Flirted. The only thing that has cheated someone out of all of me? The goodest boy, my grief, giving people a reason not to trust me. Am I Aladdin, Jesus, or the government? “Trust Me V… Braxton.”

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but what about the other stuff? Mind, body, and soul… This should be a given, hmm?

As a friend, father, effing buddy for life… Isn’t that called being a husband? Family? Braxton’s my only reliable reference. And he won’t be saying much out loud, my love. What about Virgil? He’s been here 283 days. I know where his problem lies. TRUST. Virgil is right? Since “The Pic Phenomenon,” I can’t say I trust myself. Did I ever? If it ain’t music, it’s movies, so allow me my Nic Cage as Cameron Poe moment… “There’s only two men I trust. One of them’s me. The other’s not you.” The other guy… B III. Braxton knows everything about me. Well, now he does, wherever he is now. I’m sorry. Love, I trust you now. Again, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”

You would have figured I’d learn my lesson. My son couldn’t trust me to save his life, love. I effing tried! And here come the waterworks. He trusted me, and I failed my boy. Every single day I fail myself. I wake up, hit the alarm, and WHAM! One more day failed, and so to all the rest… “You cannot hurt me,” I want to scream! Of course, anyone can; trust. And who am I in the grand scheme of things? How badly I want anonymity. This is the very thing I took. Though I meant no animosity. But for this anomaly in my moral code. Desire is desire. But would I break our trust for it? I did his, theirs, and as always mine.

How dare I ask you to trust me again, and with what? That “Whenever you call me, I’ll be there.” When I’m not thinking about Thursday, May 18, 2023? Let’s say Sunday, August 13, 2023. Virgil’s “Gotcha Day.” How many days I’ve believed my last? Happiness? Do you trust me to find my happiness? The love? I haven’t had that since a birthday I had. And I was pretty young. “What the Hell is going on?” I’m sure people will ask, “With all these things that I’ve done.” Did I feel good doing them? Yes. Am I guilty, my love? Yes. Gross? Sure. Being a “man.” But for you, our younglings… Yo Braxton, you there? And even Virgil and them. Trying! Trust Me V… Braxton

842 Days Without B III, Day 283 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 323 ~Virgil’s Business Bugs B~

“Well, you can tell by the way I roll, shorty, that I’m a ladies’ man. A businessman.” While B III was here. Trying to win the maid or spending money on his favorite girl. And now existing… more like slavery. How dare I? Virgil’s Business Bugs B

Saturday, May 20, 2023

Saga 323 ~Virgil’s Business Bugs B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I don’t know what for. I got wealthy Olds? Nah! No boobs, books, or bureaucracy.

What? Do I need to be any more depressed at the end of the week? I was annoyed; what was it? Monday, Tuesday, or both? When I couldn’t “watch” wrestling. Oh! I was all “jerk to divas” (Twitter), no doubt Lady Lunalesca. But actual television. Effing nightmares. Lunalesca, it’s been all porn. And seeing how I’ve had to restart my… celibacy, abstinence… Should we call it sobriety? It’s been three days and counting. SHE’S not helping. Case No. 7906243 – What’s Under The Jacket? with Lulu Chu | Shoplyfter. What about My Dirty Maid Destiny Slams Her Cuban Big Ass On My Cock? There’s Ashley Graham. If you’re wondering what got me out of bed… More like it woke me up. Depression at missing Braxton?

You must be sick to death of hearing about him, Lady Lunalesca. The highlight of my week. A few precious minutes of meditation. Thinking of something to be grateful for, always being Braxton’s Dad. Next came sleep. And then there’s writing which explains the conversation we’re having right now. And why my underwear isn’t at my ankles this very second? Because this is my business. Lady Lunalesca, business, existing… Effing. Don’t I wish? Do you know how many pornstars there are when looking up Shoplyfter? And here Virgil has left me all by my lonesome. More like I put him in B’s room for now. Ain’t like he’s coming to look for me. He wants to live long enough to figure out what he’s doing.

Because it ain’t taking B’s place. Not that he ever could. To keep existing Lunalesca? Please! You can relax. I haven’t taken a painkiller today. And the last time I touched a gun… Well, it sort of spoiled my meditating mood. I was hearing things. It was something creaking. How about something I have to pay for? Again not the crux of my sadness, Lu. But we’ve talked about my big three pornos. And then my three elements of gratitude. With depression comes my boy, blogging, and an effing ton of bucks needed. Uh, food? Hell! If my “father” were here, I wouldn’t mind starving. B, I wouldn’t mind “living.” Because he was a “good dog,” and what’s best for business. Virgil’s Business Bugs B

839 Days Without B III, Day 280 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will