B III was on the eternal quest of comfy spots. I know mine; I was comforted Braxton around. He could be waiting for me, not that he was one to rush me. I’m sure he’s getting his morning or after-work walks. What am I working on because When B Move On
Saturday, May 29, 2021
Gospel 332 ~When B Moved On~
Hey Lady Lu, I AM a Billionaire right now, but with all the dollars and the maid, I hope she misses Braxton’s last few hairs.
That’s why I haven’t hired a new maid yet, and I stick to cleaning the bathroom. Sure Braxton’s dog gate still sits at the door. Well, nine out of ten, he hated going in there. I mean, baths, my bellowing “stuff and thangs,” and fewer soft places for Braxton’s behind. When that behind stayed still in bed for a day or so, I knew something was wrong with him. Here we are 118 Days past, and I still can’t believe it. I also didn’t mean to sound so Depressed (oh no) today. Like my Anger, this has nothing to do with Braxton. Just a sec… Braxton isn’t haunting me like the dude was his wife in “What Dreams May Come.” I wouldn’t mind if B did that, my ghost dog.
Hell, part of the reason I became a “monk” is this. Wherever B III is, he can see everything. He loves me regardless of what I do, but still, I kept things from him sometimes. Which brings in my… depression, rejection, no not really. If I’m being honest, like my writing, I’m having a good time with my “Stuff And Thangs,” better known as OnlyFans. I’ve said before I have no qualms about my body… okay, my teeth; how I love masks. I like how I move and how I feel. Only at the moment, I haven’t… crossed the finish line. It’s like I’m Rhett from Lust by Ker Dukey. He lost his brother, and I failed my son Braxton. To show my face ever.
People want me to move on, move over, move a smidge so they can have what they want. I’ve spent my life being in the way, and that’s why I’m always trying to move. Yeah, like moving books off shelves, my body in this way or that to look right, my brain, I have one? I say my heart is broken, but it continues to beat, doesn’t it, so it’s moving. My ears don’t move, but when I hear myself moaning, my hands do. It’s been a mighty long time. Braxton’s things, though? I did pick up his toys for a picture, and as always, I fill his water, move his gates, his bed, everything. I’m stuck; I want to be. When B Moved On.
I wish I could live in B III’s world again or at least see it through his eyes. He only had to deal with me. When I think about everyone at my “freaking” Day Job or the chick that got me for $50… I’m not such a bad guy. This World Be Longs.
Sunday, May 23, 2021
Gospel 326 ~This World Be Longs~
To Will: I AM a Billionaire right now, but this legacy belongs to you. Yeah, you’re working so your dog can have a better life.
You woke up wondering how Braxton did it. His world wasn’t a huge place. Hell, as the song goes, “it’s a very, very Mad World.” Only are you the one that’s crazy? I had oh so many days to do something in the place Braxton loved. You exist, fearing tomorrow. Are you “Waiting on the World to Change?” Once again, you can’t give into that apathy that killed Braxton that every day is no different. Even though the last time the world did make a change was 112 days ago when he left it. You should appreciate walking his path. For some damnable reason, though, I was yearning to get back out there. Always the sadist. You’re a Sucker For Pain and Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Owned: The Bundle by Neil Bimbeau Completed
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums Partial
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH Failed
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 142 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception Completed (Day 149) No Fap
I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Failed
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am Failed
“It’s The End of the World as We Know It.” How dare you think that after what this day brought before. You don’t want to go to the Day Job and whose fault is that. Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry, but you saw that email you got today. What comes next… stuff and thangs? “He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands,” as THEY say. Your novel, universe, pencil? I can imagine how much that chick made in 3 minutes, $50.00 easy-peasy lemon squeezy. Having the whole world in your hands now would mean Braxton being alive once more. You long to have his tenacity, that willingness to go on. Nobody’s forcing you to do anything, but what else is there. Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, The Art of War (Crappy Version)
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 149 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
Again I apologize that there’s not “A Whole New World” for you in the six days I had. There was always the world I promised for B III. A mom for him, a wife for you. There should be a yard grander than this whole neighborhood. Braxton’s new siblings will need protection. “What A Wonderful World” should be the name of the game. You would even settle for Las Vegas in “Army of the Dead.” Anything beats going back to the Day Job, right? Then why did I sleep all this week? Fuck Saturday was my best day, being honest. As for any advice I can give you, treat this world as Braxton did. Your world’s so much bigger, though, SIGH. This World Be Longs
I expected some woman would tie me down. Some Nights I dreamed of B III being an old man (older) who would be running from his siblings saying, “I didn’t sign up for this.” He’s free of the mortal coil; I’m not free of love. Must B Freeing Sometimes.
Saturday, May 22, 2021
Gospel 325 ~Must B Freeing Sometimes~
Hey Lady Lu, I AM a Billionaire right now, and it’s almost like being in love. Hell, neither one of those match B being alive.
He’s not, but I am, and I intend to stay that way? What, I still haven’t taken the Vaccine? I thought to yesterday Lady Lu, yep. I got a haircut, and Supercuts girl got pissed at me. I went to Walmart and got mad at them for cheating me. Did I say having money, hmm? Hakuna Matata for the rest of these days, and if I had only been working this week, who knows. Another part of my Denial is acknowledging that “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” Again that attitude got B killed, and how can I not want to keep him company Lu. It is not suicidal to acknowledge the truth. Death is the ultimate freedom, and next to that sleep, I’m tired.
I’m so “Tired Of Being Alone.” There’s a difference between being alone and my loneliness, THEY say. I was never alone with B III here, but now I’m lonely. But every day, I lock Braxton’s gates, I like having money in my pocket, and I love my mask. Freeing hiding. Only without Cerberus, without my Dæmon… when’s the last time I call Braxton that? THEY talk about our better angels, but I have let my demons come out to play. My heart cannot hold back the darkness. Lust, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Hell not Depression. So what about Gluttony? THEY say that we project our sins onto others, and I told M Anime that she’s just a “Sucker For Pain.” Of course, that’s more me.
I haven’t been starving myself as I did once before. Yet the people I have talked to lately don’t want my skin and bones, my warped mind, and my broken heart. I go back and forth between my soul and seeing as how I continually serve in the Church of Braxton. Lady Lu, I am free of love but not hate, considering the Day Job this week. What the Fuck! Were you expecting me to say, “Oh God?” Pride thinking anyone gives a damn right? That’s all the sins, but I am free, so is there a chance that somehow I’ll reach B, you think? It depends on who you question, but everyone wants to be free of me… I agree. Must B Freeing Sometimes
How tall am I… Braxton figured I was a king, and he was my little prince, who became the angel on my shoulder, and now? Is he somewhere in the clouds? I still carry him in my heart, though, so I guess I’m strong enough, maybe. “Weight For Me B.”
Sunday, May 16, 2021
Gospel 319 ~Weight For Me B~
To Will: I AM a Billionaire right now, and you can’t wait to see how much all that money weighs. Well, you have a week.
Hell, you don’t need a billion dollars. You don’t even need a million. Do you Remember The Time when you thought that $200.00 would solve all of life’s issues? Wasn’t it 105 days ago you were paying out $455.96 and praying for a miracle to save B, and then what? Good things come in small packages; good things come to those who wait. Why not go all Nelly Furtado and sing? “Why do all good things come to an end?” Only Braxton wasn’t just a good thing, a good boy. Braxton was good, better, best. He’s My Son, yours, always. Which is heavier, you think; love or hate? Dead or alive, you will carry Braxton always and forever. But now, here are Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Melody Exposed by Imogen Linn Completed
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums Partial
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH Failed
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 135 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception Completed (Day 142) No Fap
I WILL Cut The Backyard Lawn This Week Completed
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am Failed
“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” – The Shawshank Redemption
No wonder you feel so tired as I did three of these things but the main ideas on the list? You’ve been all about the music this morning, so here’s another. All You Need Is Love. Not enough of that to go round, but then again, B was so small. Just A Touch of Love. Now it’s time for the psychological portion of our conversation? Both Indiana Gone and M Anime would kick your ass for saying this but AHEM, your taste in women? You’re still a monk but think about them and your two new subscriptions on OnlyFans… what? Braxton was a man of comfort, leisure, and big Yabbos. Always, like father like son. This morning it’s Braxton, Bed, Big ’Uns, Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Owned: The Bundle by Neil Bimbeau
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 142 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
Okay, not so psychological then, but the mind is heavy these days. I wish I could say it was The Art of War. Hope for the best prepare for the worse that bastard, meathead ASM. Your heart remains heavy with losing Braxton. To think when your heart was full of love, it was such a light thing, and now trying to pick up the bits. Step By Step, thanks, Whitney. Let’s not get into which Whitney, but what about this week? I would ask that you try and enjoy it? No, why not get some fucking work done, so you don’t have to do, the week after. As I was alluding to, there will be heavy lifting but the smallest coffins… Weight For Me B.
Not exactly what you want to hear on Mother’s Day. I mean, I love my Ma. Braxton loved grandmommy and his second mom. I never met his first one, but to give birth to such a soul as B III… Mother’s Work B Grinning; did B find her on the Rainbow Bridge
Sunday, May 9, 2021
Gospel 312 ~Mother’s Work B Grinning~
To Will: I AM a Billionaire right now. Even if you get on my level, you can’t turn back time. Never met Braxton’s furry mom.
No, today is the day for B III’s first mom, aka your sister. She’s got two kids now, but first came Braxton. I liked to think that you’ve grown beyond grading mothers on everything. You can’t say much about your sis other than your nephews are happy; um, judgy much? Anyway, when it came to Braxton, she was pretty protective and demanding. With everything your “father” has dinged you on, he only ever came down on her because of B.
The days when B had to make a decision on who he would stay with. Yep, he left Sis’s nest. Or maybe he felt I needed more protection. Didn’t I say yesterday Mother is God in a child’s eyes? You’re a TITAN… Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 14: Swimsuit Edition Completed
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums Partial
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH Failed
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 128 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception Completed (Day 135) No Fap
I WILL Cut The Backyard Lawn This Week Failed
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am Failed
Yeah, those say otherwise, and what would your Ma think? When it came to Braxton… that he was the cutest thing ever. Even when he tried to take my thumb off, Ma got ready to go and grab him up. But she did forget about her grandson as well. Again you said you weren’t going to do this. These are B III’s memories. Not that he cared when Ma called me “Braxton’s Brother” instead of “Uncle.” I was on Braxton’s level. Then again, you hold B higher than any human walking the planet. But then there is Ma, right. Braxton loved them both, and though I loved him like pancakes, it was never enough. Dear Braxton needed a forever mom, but yeah, Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Melody Exposed by Imogen Linn
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 135 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
I WILL Cut The Backyard Lawn This Week
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
The last time I talked to my sister was last month or so… getting another kid. And I could get another sister. How long did it take me to find B’s Aunt Indiana Gone? Happy Mother’s Day Indiana. I hope you and yours are happy. So many holidays around her. As for your Ma, B’s sweet grandmommy. Happy Mother’s Day, though. I’m sure I’ll never let you read this. She’s glad you’re still alive, and she loves you. Of course, you know better than to question that ever again. A mom gives life… you, oh what did you do? This might sound like bargaining, but if only I had found Braxton another mom sooner, might he have lived? To grieve unalone. Mother’s Work B Grinning
A dream. a little sex, violence, and not dabbling either. I miss my dog, my friend, my son. It was a crime what happened to him. “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” “Animal Crossing Nope, Just Braxton”
Animal Crossing Nope, Just Braxton
“She’s the girl that guys marry, and I’m the girl that guys fuck!” Kill Theory
What a weird way to start off a dream about my dog, right? He didn’t appear until the last half, if I’m being honest. It took me forever to figure out what this quote had to do about anything other than the movie “Kill Theory.” If you want me to remember anything, it usually has to involve sex or violence. My son Braxton broke the mold with that. Then again, he had a thing for my second best friend’s breasts, and I will never forget that I killed him. Call it being put to sleep, Euthanasia; whatever I ended him.
Most nights, I don’t dream at all, I don’t remember, or they aren’t worth telling ever. I can say to you within The Five Stages of Grief, I live in DENIAL. As always, I fill his water bowl, call out to him for his medication, eat when we both usually would together. On Day Seventy-Two, I moved into ANGER because of the fucking Assistant Manager. I’ve been revved up ever since, and my Day Job has become a battlefield. Before work, I would have said that on Day Eighty-Six, I have moved into BARGAINING. Too many STUPID people are breeding.
So that leads me back to this quote from my dream, and as I said, it’s from the movie Kill Theory, so a short plot:
A man kills his best friends to save his own life. To prove that anyone in the same circumstances (somewhat). That you will kill to save yourself, he picks a group of college kids. They have until Six AM to kill each other. The sole survivor goes free, but he will kill them all if more than one remains alive.
If you’ve been keeping up, I will die for Braxton. Tell me to give my life to save him, and I would do so without question. He deserves to live. We were together for fifteen years, one month shy of sixteen. He was my longest relationship, me and my son, and I mean a life I was responsible for. But I chose everything over him. That’s what killed him. The week before he died, it was my Day Job which explains so much Anger. Also, I hate three people there but the dream. I kept hearing the girl Ryanne Duzich “Amber” say this. SPOILER ALERT she does survive. Her friends died, her love, her enemies…
Ryanne Duzich “Amber”
So next thing I know, I’m in a car alone with her. At least, I think it was her because what I noticed was the moon outside as she drove. It was a pale pink moon that slowly became blood-red, and so was my dread. Ever since Braxton died, I have found that not much scares me anymore. I have a moment of panic every now and again, but like with every pain, I only say, “I killed Braxton.” I deserve whatever I get. Let the cops come, let me catch COVID, or crack some skulls. I can take it.
Anyway, before I freak out, the moon turns into C-3PO’s golden head. And then it’s my Braxton’s face, and of course, I calm down. I watch the moon as Amber drives on, and it doesn’t matter where. It’s the journey, and with Braxton up above me, everything is okay. Soon the sky begins turning blue, signaling a new day. Amber and I are now in this wooded area with rocks and little mini waterfalls. The trees surround the clearing, but then I see a big building to the side. I then discover it’s a replica of Braxton’s resting place. It’s a bit dingy and worn, but his name is right on the top of it.
I’m dressed in a blue robe like something out of The Purge series. Or I’ve been reading too much Succubus Lord (The Cult of Ralston), yeah. Amber is beckoning me closer, but I snatch away from her. She starts saying, “get in the box, get in, join him!” she cries. Now I’m scared, and I refuse. Then she starts saying “Look at me” and starts untying her top. While her voice, I think, reminds me of “Secret Girlfriend,” You Get an Aquarium Girl (Veronica Taylor). Still, I’m terrified, and I begin to back away as she starts to step forward.
Veronica Taylor
Before I can get away, out steps Jessica Garza “Penelope” from The Purge series. “Look at my lambs,” she asks, and then there are these three people in animal masks or maybe the animals themselves. All I remember is a black wolf waiting. So either I enter the building, or I face the animal beings. I start running, but then I’m so tired, and I want to give up, give in. Hell, get off with the two/three beautiful women, but the animals catch me then…
I didn’t wake up screaming, and I’m not sure what the animals even did to me. The wolf was charging, and my ankles were tied in dark blue cloth. Okay, so the four major components of the dream. There’s “Kill Theory,” the moon, the building, and the animals in all:
Kill Theory: The movie’s both betrayal and sacrifice. The killer got away with it, and Amber lived. She had been betrayed by everyone. She ended the film holding the man she loved who had been killed by his girlfriend. The killer said Amber would become like him, but she said she would never. I’m the same way. I’m surrounded by pretenders and people I hate. The one I loved the most died. And I’m half crazy. I live in lust, not love, not feeling anything.
The Moon: I don’t understand what the pink was about other than I love turning to hate. Or something to do with sex. I’ve been staying up working on an erotic novel and didn’t read about a pink moon until later today. C-3PO makes me think of when he wanted to donate parts to R2-D2 after destroying the Death Star. Braxton, of course, watching over me from the sky. I still say goodnight to him before falling asleep. He is my light in the darkness.
The Building: With today being the exception, I would usually be in bed lying in the dark. I told my second best friend I exist in the darkness because everything else makes me upset. In the dark, there is nothing, and suppose I wish I was dead. Only in the dream I fought going into the box. I wanted to stay out in nature. Another friend has been angling for me to try Bushcraft with her. Survivalist training and, like always, JSS Just Survive Somehow.
The Animals: I swear they looked like people at first. And the fact that a former sacrifice in Penelope presented them… Why can I only remember the wolf, though, and a lamb, hmm? But they were all chasing me, further evidence of my betrayal and guilt. I have looked at other dogs lately, and both my friends want farm animals. Did the animals want to eat me, or was I lying on some otherwise peaceful ground? Only I was tied up tight by a cloth-like the one in Braxton’s remains.
To say B III IS a good dog is the underestimate of the Millennium. Braxton Is the greatest son ever, and I can never be free of such love. Only what can a man do before such hate? I don’t want to hate but the Day Job SIGH. B III, B IV
Sunday, May 2, 2021
Gospel 305 ~B III, B IV~
To Will: I AM a Billionaire right now, and you might be too someday if you do like I did last night… just say no?
Being free of certain HABITS. You’re still HURT over Braxton, and that won’t be going away anytime soon. I think I brought it up some time yesterday that it’s been officially three months without him. You haven’t said no to the DENIAL or the ANGER… HATE. Being free of such love, but as Sade sings, this is No Ordinary Love. As Edmond Dantès learned, he could not escape such love. THEY say if only we could love as Braxton loves you. People though… I swear, we have mastered hate. If any consolation, you hate THEM. Being free of hating the ASM, the gemstone bitch, the spectacled spectator. Well, that’s not happening. You might get fired soon. But you didn’t harm yourself or Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Melody In Lingerie by Imogen Linn Completed
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums Partial
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH Failed
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 121 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception Completed (Day 128) No Fap
I WILL Cut The Lawn This Week Partial
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am Failed
Before you give me a pat on the back for now having two completions, two utter failures, and two partials. What is this Japan (tentacles)? Um, keep being a monk, my friend. It’s “easier.” As I said last night, I did no harm, meaning giving more money away for… stuff. Before you start crying again as I did when I realized what bills were missing. Of course, they’ve been missing for again three months. Braxton’s food budget, trips to the groomers, tick removal, his meds alone were $45 – $60. Online streaming and artists $71. Before you give in to the nice girl from Twitter to Onlyfans. Or whatever loneliness-reducing gimmick being hocked today. Please remember what you owe Braxton and yourself, Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 14: Swimsuit Edition
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 128 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
I WILL Cut The Backyard Lawn This Week
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
B III can’t help you through this week. As you woke up this morning, you asked for his strength. Hell, it’s the only reason you’re awake now after sleeping late. There’re more reasons to stay asleep than wake up. Living is easy with eyes closed, as the Beatles put it. Misunderstanding all you see, you know from dreams to porn, to the Day Job. However, you see all too clearly. It’s those Republican tendencies. Rejecting the evidence of your eyes and ears like something out of 1984. People show you who they are; believe them. Braxton would see you as The World’s Greatest. R. Kelly… not someone you should be quoting these days. This week will be bad, but SIGH relax, B III, B IV
I’ve compared Braxton to an angel, and I believe people are spelling GOD backward. In that case, I may be trouble if Braxton’s bedroom yesterday was any indication. For all I know, I was stumbling around in there like a zombie. “Behave In B’s Haven.”
Sunday, April 25, 2021
Gospel 298 ~Behave In B’s Haven~
To Will: I AM a Billionaire right now, but you can’t hire an exterminator or the Ghostbusters, at least not yet. And why would you?
As the song goes, Lord Give Me A Sign. I ran by one yesterday, and I’m ashamed to say I even stopped and looked. You’re in Hell, so at least have the good sense to suffer and not escape or seek salvation, solace, ha satisfaction. What would B III think of your excuses for alone time? That’s the thing, though; yesterday, I found out that I didn’t have to be… get it. The fact that you remember the five-month-old ball of fluff by the name of Buford and you’re sore about it. It could be everything else you know with Camp NaNoWriMo. Today’s the day. Are you still going to play Grim Reaper and bury a story you’ve neglected the world for? Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 13 by Eric Vall Completed
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums Partial
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH Failed
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 114 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception Completed (Day 121) No Fap
I Am Not Bowing To The Day Job Under Threat Or Duress Completed
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am Failed
Hell, I am not a prophet, and neither are you. At least if I had put finish Camp NaNoWriMo on the list, you would be looking at four wins this AM. It would be almost supernatural. Which is now the whole point; A Hell escaping, undertaker, imagining some Godhood. There’s pride again, and do you think anything you write today will be worth it. All the stories I would write, right here while promising Braxton a better life. And he waited so patiently for me to finish. He still does, only he’s even quieter these days, of so I thought. Don’t jinx yourself. Last week sucked, and this week SIGH, I do not envy you other than again finishing Camp NaNoWriMo. But, Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Melody In Lingerie by Imogen Linn
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 121 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
I WILL Cut The Lawn This Week
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
What will you do with yourself? Being that an Ordinary Human is the worse type of a monster. You got plumbing to repair (snickers). And you might even get around to mowing the lawn or whatever you do with a weed whacker. Neighbors haven’t knocked. If yesterday is any indication, you’re being haunted by Braxton. I found many of his toys strewn all over the place in his room, and to be honest, it frightened me a little bit. Either I’m more out of it than I realized, or it was a rat. Yeah, a rat that doesn’t eat the dry food and treats or even messes up the table. You just remember to behave; work sucks, I know, sadly. Please Behave In B’s Haven
B wasn’t an attack dog. To some, he was an angel, even when he was barking up a storm. To me, B III was a god. When you see the ending of one such as him, you no longer fear what men may do. Bye The Letter B I still must face the bullying of men
Sunday, April 18, 2021
Gospel 291 ~Bye The Letter B~
To Will: I AM a Billionaire right now, but this week you might struggle. It’s not fear. Hope for the best; prepare for the worst.
You mean no insult to the warriors of the past, but shall you write a letter? A letter that says, if anything, the basics. I love you, I tried, I’m sorry; all the things I said to Braxton as I signed his life away. I signed my own death sentence, and I become different weekly. That’s why I say hello to you, and you could be saying goodbye to the Day Job. I find that even though Braxton is no longer here, I have no courage to lend, neither hope nor a word of peace. I don’t look a thing like Jesus. Jesus needed those three days getting War Ready. I spent all of yesterday in bed, doing my 5000 words, denying Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Katie: A Novella by Mo Ibrahim Completed
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums Partial
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH Failed
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 107 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception Completed (Day 114) No Fap
I Am Getting In Touch With Someone About A B III Tattoo Failed
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am Failed
Now, who am I to tell you anything? I failed yet again. Listen to me, please… the ASM is a bully, and you are not afraid, but nevertheless, I ask you, stand strong and courageous. He’s the asshole like so many in high school. He’s like those bitches at Wendy’s or Hardee’s. He’s like your Old Man. For all I know, this stand may not come this week at all. What would Braxton Do? He would bark, bite, be driven under the bed, but he would return. He lasted fifteen years, a month shy of his sixteenth birthday. One decade… Believe me when I say that it’s time to grow up. From lousy report cards, teachers not calling your name, oh yeah, Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 13 by Eric Vall
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 114 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
I Am Not Bowing To The Day Job Under Threat Or Duress
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
I won’t hold my breath on most of these things, you know. Your war paint won’t stay on because of all your tears. After what happened to B III, the idea of pain… who needs more? I could search for a few of the greatest speeches and prayers. My offering:
“I will eternally ask your forgiveness, my son, I the father who failed you. Yet now I ask you, my good puppy, to hear me. I ask for the courage you showed against all who would do us harm. I plead for your wisdom, your good decisions. I wish for your comfort B, here, in my most desperate hours. Let me be the man you believed in no matter what.”
When I was a kid (ha-ha), the Book Fair was, well, my second favorite thing. Dogs were first. And now, being an adult (funny) with only the memory of my son and m library mostly digital… it’s rare when anything good comes to the door. B Eager As Ever
Sunday, April 11, 2021
Gospel 284 ~B Eager As Ever~
To Will: I AM a Billionaire right now, and you’re still tired, hoping you’ll be a better man, but you’re “home,” so yeah, Braxton’s life.
Ever so grateful for his. You can’t say that enough. It’s official or will be around 4:00 PM. Braxton has been gone 70 days or 10 weeks, does two months, and some change suit you better. I was once annoyed by how people talked about their newborns. You want to treasure every single breath, right? Every Day Is Exactly The Same as the song goes. With all the routines that will be keeping you alive, I’m sure you’ll be fighting the urge to live exactly that. I’m sorry that I failed you in that idea. Again you’re living as B III, living for him. Should I give the spiel or sing He Lives In You? Enormous, hopes, wishes, and dreams but not Six Impossible Things:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNy6IC85iuA
I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 12 by Eric Vall Completed
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums Partial
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH Failed
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 100 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception Completed (Day 107) No Fap
I Am Getting In Touch With Someone About A B III Tattoo Failed
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am Failed
Enemies that I suppose you’ll avoid well, four of them at least. Are you going to blame Camp NaNoWriMo? You’d never blame Braxton but that Day Job of yours, and then what are you doing to change the situation? Yeah, I know you’re getting started, 5:00 AM, damn fucking world. Egregious, isn’t it? And I’m not only talking about your language. I’ve been thinking about all the lessons that B taught. It’s like when he was here, I didn’t know it, but I had it all. Now you have enough. Becoming a Billionaire seems to be getting further and further away, like 5000 words, ha. Energy, peace, and I’m not Whitney Houston or Hank Hill to wish you, LOVE. A curse of Six Impossible Things:
I AM Finishing Reading, Katie: A Novella by Mo Ibrahim
I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 107 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
I Am Getting In Touch With Someone About A B III Tattoo
I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
Eking out a living is no way to live, and yet I ask you like those motivations you no longer play to be grateful. I’ll admit that even I was for a few minutes yesterday afternoon, so one is ready. Easy way to say this is. Be like B. You remember how he was with you would bring fries home, and he would be prepared to tear into them. Yesterday I received another book and read it on the counter. Enlightenment may not be the order of the day, but why choose fear, pain, and oh this world again. You could make that an Impossible Thing, like living without B. But find something… um good. Eagerness, like Braxton to stay. Please, B Eager As Ever.
