Tale 080 ~Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts~

“You knock me off of my feet, now baby,” or “Take My Breath Away.” When I see a pretty girl, it’s more like Sade’s “Smooth Operator.” But there was when I first saw Braxton. When he died, it was “Song Unsung” Beautiful. Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts

Tuesday, September 19, 2023

Tale 080 ~Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But one of the last things I would buy would be a mirror. Other than Mondays…

My love, I’d shave on Mondays when I had the old Day Job and wouldn’t bother looking into a mirror the rest of the week. How do THEY say… Money can make anyone beautiful. Right? Or should I say white, “right,” in a GOP way? I can’t avoid the ugly. Well, unless I’m crying about my boy. Next to you, Braxton, is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m being honest. Why do you think I stayed out of my “business” when he was around? I have seen angels three times in my existence. I’m not counting the Victoria’s Secret catalog -being young. I’ve mentioned thirty-nine sucks continuously? Anyway, there was the day I buried an angel. I married one. Then you birthed ours.

And it hurts. Heaven help me, it “Hurts Like Hell.” Every day, I fight to keep my eyes closed. And ain’t that a sin? I’ve sung it before and’ll say it again, “Feeling super, super, super suicidal.” But why when “There’s so much beauty in the world. I feel like I can’t take it.” “My” critic was telling me today, Sunday, September 17, 2023. I use too many pop culture references. And why don’t I use “my” own words? They are too damn ugly. And so I surround myself with beauty. My dame, dimes, dependents (our children), and death… well, only B III’s. “Live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse,” I read. Stopping his heart couldn’t erase my Braxton’s beauty. I See Fire…

Or rather Braxton’s ashes sitting in a box on the nightstand or the pendant around my throat. Which I’m surprised your hands haven’t found… yet. Or am I your “pretty monster,” as in Tillie Cole’s book Jegudiel? There is beauty everywhere, my love, I know. And for how long now… 961 days, I’ve been searching. No! You’re here, our kids. Dealing with the Rebeccas the first time I saw Virgil. Hell! Seeing Braxton years ago. Love, I say it was love at first sight, but I was so blind to it back then. I guess I am now, but I’m trying. Braxton, the first billion, and the painting Backwards Beauty. It all nearly killed me. “What A Heavenly Way To Die.” Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts.

961 Days Without B III, Day 402 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 079 ~Survival Doesn’t Promise Happy Endings~

I’ve kept V alive for 401 days. B had 15 years. Now, what made B happy? Comfy spots, cuddling with his Aunt’s Yabbos, and counting the minutes until his Dad arrived home. I survived 15 E-Days with him. But Survival Doesn’t Promise Happy Endings.

Monday, September 18, 2023

Tale 079 ~Survival Doesn’t Promise Happy Endings~

Three-Hundredth And Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… But I have seen that billionaires are the cringiest, crabbiest, and crappiest people. They don’t die. Submarine…

So does that mean I want to be happy? Today, Sunday, September 17, 2023, I long to die, Madam. It will be no different by the time you read this. But “Love and Happiness,” huh? Love died with my little boy, my Braxton. And Happiness? The seventh E-Day. I think. I survived that one and the thirty-ninth, too. Somehow, someway, I’m surviving. But for what? As I told Lady Lunalesca yesterday. Pop culture has been bouncing around inside my head. “My” Existence is a mix of 2009’s The Road, Half-Life 2, 1984, and Equilibrium. Sigh. As the song plays, “I keep asking God what I’m for. And he tells me, “Gee, I’m not sure,” sigh. I’m doing a lot of that, Madam. I’m still breathing.

So, shouldn’t I show some gratitude? That’s not one of the meditations I’ve done today. And I got enough gratitude with those motivational speeches I once played daily. Ha-ha! From wanting to move forward in this existence. To seek only the will to endure. Endure and Survive? But don’t plan on being happy for the love of everything, Madam. Hell! I love Braxton like pancakes, but he didn’t make me happy. I was/am proud of him, Madam. I was a Papa. I pounded the pavement of this existence. That’s because I promised him that I would keep him safe. And here I go, crying again because how’d that turn out? Madam, with all the stories I tell myself. Braxton didn’t die happy. Brave, proud, loved…

But Happy… That’s a question I don’t ask the Man in the Mirror anymore. I don’t ask how to survive either, to be fair. It’s what I do? It’s like that fable “The Scorpion and the Frog.” But neither of them survived? One more reason I’m so “in love with dyin’,” as it were. “We are The Walking Dead,” “We are the Dead,” and that’s how it is, Madam. Life, Living, Love? No! Every day, I rise from the dead. And I move like everyone else towards… I don’t know. But zombies, the infected, and the stupid. Viruses Madam. Stupidity has infected me. And the cure? One day, I’ll find out, Madam, if I survive. Do I want to? Knowing Survival Doesn’t Promise Happy Endings

960 Days Without B III, Day 401 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 073 ~Hi Sugar, B, V~

“Suga, Suga, how you get so fly?” And how come I’m not always high with your beautiful smile, bright eyes, and big… Anyway, I’m always in the dirt looking for my boy. Well, looking at his box on the nightstand. And with a 39th E-Day. “Hi Sugar, B, V”

Tuesday, September 12, 2023

Tale 073 ~Hi Sugar, B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how did I do it? Sleepless nights? A sugar high? And… uh… SEX, SEX, SEX!

Yeah, damn, my critic who didn’t talk to me today. Are you becoming “The Time Traveler’s Wife?” Today is Saturday, September 9, 2023. And I’m on a sugar rush, hmm? You can also thank the likes of Himawari wa Yoru ni Saku, specifically Hisato Azuma. That sex talk comes from her. Relax, my love, it’s all part of this existence. Am I in a better mood than I was during E-Day week? The second worst week of existence? Done! But really? My firstborn son is still dead. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about my little Braxton not being here. As a matter of fact, I’ll have to get up soon to cut the grass. Aren’t we rich? Fresh air. To think…

Once upon a time, I got high off nature. That’s what today is all about —not raising my spirits. And more to the point, staying awake. But if anything, I MUST get out of bed. Mission Accomplished! But today is now Sunday, September 10, 2023. And I did cut the grass yesterday. And while I believe that pain wakes me one hundred percent. Thank you, Divergent. Being all itchy doesn’t help. All the bug bites in the world, my love. Yesterday, I still went out like a light. That’s why we’re talking today. Not Saturday. Really, “Sweet Love?” It’s more like sweet blood. Mosquitos seem to think so, my love. And speaking of love, isn’t that what gets you up? Love for them and me.

Do I sound like some Neanderthal who thinks “A Woman’s Place” should be about her husband and children? I saw that video the other day from Julia Mazur about singlehood. It’s a miracle you haven’t left me yet, and why? Depression, sadness, mourning 954 Days. Honest to God, my love, “I get high, high, high.” Or I did because of Braxton. And so I’m singing and ignoring my critic, “I’d never leave my block, my niggas need me.” I’m here. I stand, I’m sweet, I’m a damn superhero because of our children, four and two-legged. Sexual Healing? And I have my incredibly sexy wife. You’re my sugar, keeping me up. Hell! My life’s blood is my business. But my firstborn’s higher… Hi Sugar, B, V

954 Days Without B III, Day 395 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 072 ~ We’re Allowed To Make Mistakes~

And, what mistakes have I made today with it being E-Day Week as I write Sept 3-9. I got out of bed, but that was to save VV. I couldn’t save B III. I think the world will exist on Monday. I’ll be hopped up on sugar? “We’re Allowed To Make Mistakes.”

Monday, September 11, 2023

Tale 072 ~ We’re Allowed To Make Mistakes~

Three-Hundredth And Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which probably means I made the mistake of becoming a Republican. There’s birth… E-days, boobs, killing Braxton…

This got dark. And you know I can go darker. But I would be remiss if I didn’t mention 9/11 because I am a “Real American.” I “love” “my” country despite how it was born. And Madam, you know all this week… excuse me, AHEM last week, I was all about birth (sigh). Today is Friday, September 8, 2023. So you can guess how today is going with time travel. If anything, I want to go back 39 years to the first E-Day —my Ma’s mistake. Six years later, she made the right choice with my sister on the eighth. Happy Birthday, Little Sister! As I was saying 39 years ago, my Ma, the doctors… “Someone made a BIG uh mistake! And that was me.

“It’s me. Hi! I’m the problem, it’s me.” Now, I don’t blame her. And as with this rule, We’re Allowed To Make Mistakes. The Olds are supposed to make sons into men. I could tell you all sorts of things about my old man… Anyway, I’m a monster, a murderer, and a mistake. And like most things in existence… how I hate E-Day. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know whether to ask forgiveness or permission. For what, being here? And B? I would ask him, but even with my love for apocalypses, virology, and zombies, Madam. I have yet to raise the dead. Well, I do that every day, don’t I, Madam, getting out of bed. “How To Save A Life?”

I’m still thinking about when he fell, and I rushed to get to him. Madam, I can’t help but feel that his being here is a mistake. But he’s here now. He’s not my son, but what I felt in those few moments when he hit the floor… It wasn’t love. Madam, that’s a mistake. Honestly, Madam, “I’ll Never Fall In Love Again.” That includes fur babies, fun toys (laughs), and females. Lust is a mistake, too, but how many times have I broken? Even after B died, it took 161 days. And what have I been looking up when I wasn’t napping? “The Pic Phenomenon?” And other mistakes that destroy us? In Time. Choices, freedom, mistakes, Madam. To Exist? We’re Allowed To Make Mistakes.

953 Days Without B III, Day 394 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 066 ~I’ll B Home Virgil~

I’m unsure of the day my Braxton entered the world, so I gave him one. But the day he left it… It was the worst day ever. Second is the day I came into the world. And being unfortunate enough to stay 39 years… I’ll B Home Virgil.

Tuesday, September 5, 2023

Tale 066 ~I’ll B Home Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but like when I was in the womb, I haven’t planned on leaving here anytime soon.

I’m glad it’s not E-Day yet. And the kids are at school. There’s also the fact that I’m time-traveling. It’s Sunday, September 3, 2023, at this particular moment. I’m thirty-eight. Today, that’s about 14,240 days. Looking at that makes me want to “Scream?” “Tonight I Wanna Cry.” Looking at the “Man In The Mirror,” I tell him that you “Make Me Wanna Die.” Am I making my playlist for E-Day, or what? Hell! I even yearn for B III’s passing. No! Not like that. I was a horrible “human being” when it came to the life of B III. Emergence, Existence, Extinction Day, though, is all about me. And first and foremost, I want to stay here, home. And I don’t have that luxury anymore.

I know I’m being like a heartless so-and-so. Oh Love! I want to say bad words. But there’s you, the kids, Virgil… the critic. Ha! And today, second only to B III’s passing away (sigh.) Soy un perdedor. I swear my critic is making me better with languages. While Japanese seems to be a no-go. You know words like “Security Guard.” Maybe Spanish works better? English though? If I could say what I want from this horrific day. Always and everything. That would be my son back. Love to this very moment, I’m neither in Denial nor would I claim Acceptance. I know the truth. Braxton Barks Bradford died. And if I had my way… “If I had my way, then surely you would be closer,” you sing to me.

I’ll be here to listen. I’ll learn how to dance. And to be quite honest, um, I “Feel Like Making Love.” After everything I’ve said today, what are the odds of that? Do I want to play Han Solo? Hell! We could have a movie night right here because, again, to go outside and do… what? My Ma took me to a restaurant once where they sang Happy… Oh No! But yes, I will be polite to our children. Is it sad? I have to say that. Virgil’s living here. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others, as Somni 451 said. Unfortunately leaving… That led me here. But I love you, our kids. Me? I’ll B Home Virgil

947 Days Without B III, Day 388 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 065 ~ Thought’s More Valuable Than Flesh~

You don’t want thinking slaves but working. And it’s why I don’t understand people at the Day Job wanting friendship. Flesh is more valuable than ideas, so why this rule. I figured I’d be better before this E-Day. “Thought’s More Valuable Than Flesh”

Monday, September 4, 2023

Tale 065 ~ Thought’s More Valuable Than Flesh~

Three-Hundredth And Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Or have I finally… Well, you know what I want to say. Not wanting to see thirty-nine…

Friends are waiting. Braxton wasn’t my first fur baby, but a better friend, brother, son… There was none. On “my” Blackjack scale, B III was a twenty-one. Him dying… Well, let’s say the fact that I still exist is only because I wanted to keep him alive. And with it being 2023. I was thirty-six and now turning thirty-nine. There’s a battle within me. Madam, which is worse, his death or my Emergence. As much as I hate Emergence… Madam, add to that Existence and Extinction. E-Day! That’s part of the reason I’m talking to you now. I’m time traveling since today is Saturday, September 2, 2023. Last time? You know when E-Day is, and I haven’t heard from the Olds yet. And “my” friends…

Flesh and blood, Madam. Let’s leave the blood out of it. Hell with Braxton, as the song goes, “My love for you runs deeper than blood.” The measure of a man, the soul, my B.” But every day it seems that now I’m thinking about… Um, Japanese anime… Jitaku Keibiin. I was looking at that before I started talking to you today. Or anything to do with horny cheerleaders. I swear certain forms of entertainment make me idiotic and insanely bright. So that’s why I have such rules. You know the song The Banality of Evil? In the same voice, AHEM, My Stupidity Existing. Flesh is for when I’m done with using my brain. Ha-ha! Today, I’m trying not to think about E-day coming up.

Funding it anyway. Food, water, power, all “my” bills. Or they should be. The Olds. That’s the great fear, Madam. I think about the people who brought me into this world. Again, I ask which is worse, the ones that gave me life or the fact I gave one death. Braxton. What about Virgil? He needs things, too. So I’ll get out of bed AGAIN this Saturday afternoon and go “mow” the lawn. I’m trying to avoid humiliation. Whatever for? “Nothing really matters, anyone can see.” I put my flesh out there to prevent people from seeing what’s happening inside. My thoughts, a pretty piece of flesh (snickers) beats truth… Madam, there’s FEAR, RAGE, EVIL, DEPRESSION, STUPIDITY, Pandora’s… Will’s Box. Thought’s More Valuable Than Flesh

946 Days Without B III, Day 387 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 059 ~ It’ll B Fun, Virgil~

I woke up this morning… and? Do I want a prize, a medal, even another breath. Well, I don’t want that breath for me. If I had my way, um, besides the things I want to do to my wife or to have another cry over my dog, no, my son. Existing. It’ll B Fun, Virgil

Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Tale 059 ~ It’ll B Fun, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so we’re supposed to be having fun. Most holidays work that way. Even the most solemn…

Not that E-Day in any way, shape, or form is a holiday. Before 2021, I would have called it the worst day of my Existence. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Time-Traveling Love. Today is Saturday, August 26, 2023. But you know what day I remain trapped within. Sunday, January 31, 2021, is the new worst day. The day I lost my firstborn son, the prince, pup, and pancake known as Braxton. Then again, I would rather have that day than E-Day. At least then, I wouldn’t be a selfish so-and-so. Psychiatric help, my critic said. If I could only remember the day that Braxton hopped in the car. Or when we were “placed” in our first house. The day he jumped into my arms. That is Love.

Those were causes for celebration. But now I look at the days ahead of me… Well, if anything, if you knew how far along I was talking to you… I mean, for real. Turning thirty-nine. It’s not the least bit funny. But I’m supposed to have fun. It’s more for everyone else, though, I’m afraid to say. I’ve been listening to these meditations on loneliness. I have you, I know. And I won’t dare compare myself to Will Traynor in “Me Before You.” And yet. Paralyzed. Every day, my Love. I keep moving, and at the same time, I’m trapped. Braxton’s still lying in his bed on that table, and I’m holding him, and then you go all Jurassic Park, Love. Life finds a way.

Love will find a way. I have the day we met. Better, the day that I made you my wife. There’s the day I figured I would try being a father again. I look at V and still sigh. I have to question what at all I was thinking. Was/Is it Braxton? He’d know better than to mention E-Day, but yeah… “Daddy, pick that one. I can’t make this more black and white.” 2V and his three little black spots. Comedy comes in 3’s, I heard before, my Love. And how many two-legged kids do we have around here? They want their Daddy happy. It’s not like they’ll pay me half a million for an E-Day I don’t want. You say… It’ll B Fun, Virgil

940 Days Without B III, Day 381 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 058 ~Personality Trait; No, Cruelty’s Habit~

I’ve got bad habits. I cry over B once a day. I’m unsure Virgil knows his name; I hardly speak to him. Yet, I’m ranting about hating my Day Job. And whenever will I stop gasping at the sight of… never mind. Personality Trait; No, Cruelty’s Habit

Monday, August 28, 2023

Tale 058 ~Personality Trait; No, Cruelty’s Habit~

Three-Hundredth And Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I didn’t need money to become cruel. The Man in the Mirror, my Braxton, too many…

But today, Friday, August 25, 2023… Time Travel. As usual, I begin with Braxton Barks. How I love my son. But dying was the worst thing he ever did to me. But who chose death? My final words to him might as well have been, “Go To Sleep.” Music Madam? That’s the problem. I’m never sure if I’m hearing Braxton or I am torturing myself. I’ve listened to this song, “On My Block,” all day. In particular, this one line goes, “I’d never leave my block; my (n-words) need me.” You have no idea how much we need you, Braxton. I’m back to reading books on dead fur babies. “When Pets Pass Away,” ha. So not funny. True enough, me being a sadist and all.

Or should I say a masochist? The things I’ve been subjecting myself to these days. And why. What day am I on now? And why not read something like “Backyard Dungeon 2?” Either way, it goes, I’m hurting myself and getting off on the pain. I’ve cried twice today so far. I don’t deserve pleasure, plainness, or even pain. That’s keeping my pants on, Madam. Suffering is a feeling. And who knows? Oh! Have my Olds called yet with E-Day? Every day, we get closer. I have been cruel to them. Seeing I continually breathe. Then I think about what I want from women. But looking at myself, Madam… Monster! Next to Braxton, I hurt him most of all. And how to break the habit…

I’ve been wanting to since I was 17. Younger than that, even. Damnation is eternal. Madam, with my luck, I would find myself talking to you right here in this bed. Wouldn’t that be a vision? You and all the girls, Braxton sitting in his corner, and a successful me. Now, this sounds like more of a confession to Inspector Echo; only Madam, please listen. I habitually talk to myself because nobody wants to listen to me. Uh, V and B III. Can they hear me? It’s like that scene from “New Moon.” There’s the Possibility. Right? And with things like OnlyFans, Pure Taboo, and The Pic Phenomenon that go on, sigh. But feeling nothing. My Indifference killed Braxton? Cruelty? Personality Trait; No, Cruelty’s Habit.

939 Days Without B III, Day 380 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 052 ~Virgil’s Lovely Days B~

“The sun is up, the sky is blue. It’s beautiful, and so are you.” My idea of a lovely day watching movies with B and one of his favorite girls in the world. Or waking up in some big fluffy pillows. Hell! Let B stand on my head. Virgil’s Lovely Days B

Tuesday, August 22, 2023

Tale 052 ~Virgil’s Lovely Days B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m always on the phone or reading a book, regardless of where I am… existing.

I’m always thinking about Braxton. I imagine so many ways I’d like to wake up Baby Doll. Allow me to get my inner Quagmire on AHEM “Giggity.” Anyway, I get up every morning knowing my son isn’t here. B III would either lie on my head to cover the alarm sounds. Or he would be stepping on my face because he needs to go out right now; what I wouldn’t give to have those days back. You, our children, being famous, our billions? “How Long Will I Love You?” How much do I love you? Always and forever. With all that, I am and more. And that leads me to what I’ve been thinking about these past days. E-Day? Death? And now, with Time Travel.

Today is Thursday, August 17, 2023. And I’m not dead yet. “I’m still breathing,” love. God knows at the old Day Job how I wanted to fall off a ladder or be crushed under some boxes. And with understanding “This Is America,” there are some “Dumb Ways To Die.” But I didn’t back then. And now? As I said, this man loves all that you are and more. What we are and will be. Only there was more of me, my love. Resurrection. Necromancy. My B. How I wish I had given him better days. A last day? Hell! Braxton should be here at eighteen. THEY say today is a good day to die. But as I was telling my boy, there’s always more Yabbos.

I’m sure he’s looking down on me from somewhere and saying, “Hey, Dad, comfy spot.” Whenever I was able to hug up next to you, my love. Or when the kids come and lie down on us. He’s saying, “You could be all soft and gentle, I remember.” Someday? Virgil will have a good day where he’s not scared and can feel all “Safe & Sound” after 374 days. Even now, I can’t tell you what a good day might look like for him. It’s not like I’m looking forward to lovey days myself. Again, we’re talking now as each day moves closer to E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Desperation, Depression, and yes, Despondence. I’m sorry, love, we’re all looking forward to Virgil’s Lovely Days B.

933 Days Without B III, Day 374 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 051 ~Better A Bother Than Never~

If 2V weren’t here… He lays there and has food, water, and comfy spots. He doesn’t bother me, and I don’t bother him. I do the Day Job, and hopefully, no one bothers me. And will I appreciate “my” existence at some point? “Better A Bother Than Never”

Monday, August 21, 2023

Tale 051 ~Better A Bother Than Never~

Three-Hundredth And Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and what person in their right mind would say no to that? For the Love of Money

Hell! For the Love of Braxton. You know there was a time, like with Virgil, I would say, “but you’re not my son.” Braxton was my sister’s dog, and that was it. My Ma even placed me on the same level as him. I’ve told this story so many times. Of course, you know one of the greatest moments of my existence. I told Braxton to get in the car, and what happened next, Madam? I didn’t pour the Bisquick, but Braxton became my pancake. Madam, I haven’t had that moment with Virgil yet… I decided to bother him, ha-ha. Bothering him right out of a rescue and into an existence, I’d give up now if I could. I wish. Monday, August 14, 2023, sigh.

But then I wouldn’t get to see what happens with M Anime. Does she hate me for what I bothered to give her? I sent her that “Avidlove Sexy Lace Robe Kimono Mesh Nightgown Babydoll Lingerie Set Bright Green. A mouthful. Ain’t it? And that was way back when, ha. And now? It’s said it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission. Ain’t that this very rule? And remember, uh… it was one of the MILFS I paid. The song says, “All I wanted was to see her naked.” I dared, and she delivered. I dared again… Well, I’m dead to her now, unfortunately. While I’m quoting songs. I wonder, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” Inevitable, like Thanos. Bother asking, “What Makes a Good Man?”

I look at the “Man in the Mirror” and ask him for “Just one more peaceful day.” Uh, No! Since Braxton, I’m still not speaking to God… whoever you hold that to be. Never! Questions are raised about this woman or that one. How badly do I NEED employment? Or would I rather have more trouble with the people I do always and forever? Nope! And as much as I care about the plight of “my people,” I’m sure to them it’s well. Sho Nuff.

And maybe that’s why I get up. The very definition of insanity. Bothering somebody, ha. And I hope they won’t say never even though I want to say Never Again. That’s pretty controversial… I ask. Better A Bother Than Never

932 Days Without B III, Day 373 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will