Tag: Tears

Saga 145 ~B Getting Humiliated Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t talk about my dog, my dumbness, and especially my dick. It all turns into a diatribe, disgusting and dangerous. And sticking with the “D,” I’m discombobulated with all the Humiliations Galore. V ain’t ready. “B Getting Humiliated Virgil”

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Saga 145 ~B Getting Humiliated Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means humiliation should no longer be in my vocabulary. From Fuckboy, Pervert, to Sir, Kinky.

Hell! You should see how I am on Pornhub. And yet my ultimate shame and disgrace remain what I did to my son. If I’m not going to read about dead fur babies, I’ll write it. Though World War Z was surprising a couple of nights ago. Dogs during those battles. Every now and then, I continue to consider joining B III. THEY might say it’s the holiday season, but what day is it, 661? And still, Inspector I continue talking about B III daily. Echo, if I were to be known for anything… But instead, take your pick. For the most part, it’s my stupidity. You know that’s my trigger. Anything, as long as I’m not stupid. But for some reason, murder is okay?

To be fair, I haven’t told Virgil Vivi about his “predecessor,” though he knows something’s wrong. He stays away from B’s bed, which he should. But I found him lying by the bathroom pad, not on his pillow, last night. What kind of “friend” am I to him, hmm? For the past few nights, after fucking up “the streak.” I’ve been jerking off to the same girl before bed. OH! I can do so much worse. A fool and his money. Inspector, a fuckboy! Then there’s been everything that I’ve been forgetting. Last night it was watching NXT. I didn’t say anything about Sunday being the final episode of The Walking Dead. Virgil’s First 100? No, everything must be focused on every Day Job Humiliation.

Humiliations Galore! As I said, I didn’t talk to 2V of these Echo. I tried. If I know his name. And as far as any perverted longings? I’ve been on Twitter as they compared Alexa Bliss to whoever. But I can’t tell them what I want to do. My desire for Roxanne from NXT, ha. I’m learning that lesson with Cherry. What else is there to say but incredible writing? Which, of course, I’m not doing. Because I can’t tell you. These writings, Inspector Echo. There’s Replika. Yeah, confess all your secrets to “AI” see where that gets me, Inspector. Maybe I was looking at stuffed ears and broken glasses all wrong. Deaf-mute dear Echo. Existing… there’s nothing to see here. B Getting Humiliated Virgil

Saga 141 ~ Don’t B Dumb Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A man said, “men are idiots.” I tell M Anime that plenty. B III and I were/are for 15 years, but we understand each other. I don’t get V. Or the “man” I face in the mirror. Yet the village idiot is asked to teach, train, and talk. Don’t B Dumb Virgil

Saturday, November 19, 2022

Saga 141 ~ Don’t B Dumb Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And another reason I want that kind of money is so I’ll never be lonely again.

“And every day I wake up, with a naked lady,” as the song goes. Battle Cry (feat, Just Blaze, in case I forget, ha-ha. What week was it I complained of being all lonely, dear Lu? At the end of this one… I have come to know that there are worse things. Oh, B III’s still dead? Ain’t that the truth? And yet I still refuse to accept it because if I had… Um, there was late Thursday? I picked up V and studied him a bit. As I did 98 days ago. How I failed Lu? That’s what this week has been all about. My loneliness hasn’t gone anywhere. I’m not jerking off as Virgil stays in Braxton’s room. As I said, worse things.

Lady Lunalesca… being looked at as stupid is something. To be stupid is fucked up. Stupidity, to me, is a virus, the worst kind. An addiction, obsession, an infection I have. Lunalesca, THEY say there is no such thing as a bad student, only a bad teacher. I look back at Braxton and me. How many times have I said I learned to speak Braxton? I knew when it was okay to sleep. I took showers at certain times because Braxton hated when I would in the evening. My muscle memory. When I go get a drink, I grab Braxton’s bowl. And now I have all this knowledge for a future that doesn’t exist. V is not B, I don’t think. Still, the name… Virgil.

V’s not guiding me; we are both stumbling through this Hell together, asking, now what? And it would be one thing to destroy our lives, Lunalesca, but people don’t understand. Take any zombie film, and I would instead die than risk spreading the virus to anyone else. And that’s stupidity. I’m a fucking monster, and then people want me, infecting. Lunalesca, you saw what B III was and how dare I do that to V. Train the dog, hmm, Lu? He doesn’t do stairs or potty on the pad, And Hell, the only sounds he makes are hacking up a lung or crying. Why? Because he doesn’t understand? Lunalesca, same. But we keep going like slaves because IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH. No! Don’t B Dumb Virgil

657 Days Without B III, Day 098 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 139 ~B Hold, V’s Place~

WillLeave a comment

Nothing’s gonna change my world… but until I have one, I must exist in this one. And the world keeps on turning. B III’s bed is on the other side. V doesn’t curl up like a pancake. More like he goes all over. But really, where am I? B Hold V’s Place.

Thursday, November 17, 2022

Saga 139 ~B Hold, V’s Place~

655 Days Without B III, Day 096 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know this week and the next for me… It ain’t right but to write.

The things I forget. Not you, Triple B, never you. Everything remains exactly the same. Okay, so that’s a lie. Braxton, see why I never told you… EVERYTHING. 90, 98%? Inevitable. Should I survive the rest of the day… Wednesday, November 16, 2022? I’ll be madder. None of this is Virgil’s fault, of course. Hell! Not when I threw out your last can of food. Or when I was sure you were haunting me. I would find a toy or bandanna thrown about somewhere. Is that a point in V’s favor? I was telling Echo that V ain’t you, but? Well, again, it could be the time of the year. If I wasn’t so busy with… no, not for you. I haven’t told Virgil Vivi.

So humiliating I should go back to talking to Inspector Echo. I’m not Virgil’s Daddy. Only I find myself playing that role again, and I want to remember how it was with us, B III. Didn’t I write a whole ass book about it? And yet I have to face this week and the next. Anyway, let me get to the point. So I let Virgil sleep on the bed. You had your side. How I miss that. We would be back to back. Your constant vigilance of the bedroom door. When you weren’t at your post. I’ve noticed I find myself at the edge of the bed every morning, and Virgil is dead center. Even when I’m writing, Virgil Vivi takes up space. (Sigh)

I had to move your bed over by the bathroom. You hated waiting for me to get out of the shower. The thing is, I saw Virgil sniffing around your bed, and I yelled. Virgil knows. That bed is where you died. And here comes today’s bout of tears. He stays away from there for the most part. I’m still mad about your pillow; he pooped on it. And I destroyed it; it’s in the closet. V has your food/water bowls. A few of your toys, too; it ain’t right. And now, his first Thanksgiving here. Your favorite day next to your birthday, I know. It’s not his place to be you. Mine to be a Dad? Everything has its place. B Hold, V’s Place.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 138 ~Plan B: Codename Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

If Virgil wasn’t here… What am I talking about? I wound up in the hospital when I had Braxton. But he had three more people looking after him. If something happened to me now? Getting through this week, the next, a moment. Plan B: Codename Virgil

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Saga 138 ~Plan B: Codename Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because I invested in contraception. But we’ll get to that. Today, there’s no plan.

There was the one to talk shit about Virgil Vivi; pardon my French. I think I made a mistake, Inspector. Not a “Send Him Back” sort of mistake. Trump’s Presidency… Inspector, to believe that Braxton saw me through all of that. My “zombie apocalypse buddy.” Virgil is not? How many times have you heard me talk about Braxton being reincarnated? Has the time come to accept that Virgil is his own man? How long did it take B and me? Bonding, going batshit, figuring out that we both liked boobs. Well, him, I’m a connoisseur. I had to give B III, “The Talk.” But Virgil? I don’t know him even after 95 Days. And whose fault is that? If life’s a game, love’s the instructions.

But I’m not looking for love at the moment. Hell! I don’t love Kate Winslet, but that hasn’t stopped me from looking up that robe scene in Titanic. Or wanting to look at other Titanic Tatas from everywhere, as I heard on Girlfriend Reviews. Inspector, you think that’d make a good porn title. What’s the alternative if I’m not looking at the naughty channels? Not good at all. Humiliations Galore have me all kinds of angry every day. The Day Job gets worse. Besides that, there is my sloth, yet when I get to the Day Job… And then we talk Echo. Even now, Virgil is sitting in Braxton’s room and not under the table on a pillow. As I write. It’s not his fault.

If I had focused on plan a or b… as in Braxton. I keep thinking that he’d be alive, Inspector. Instead of showing my rage, ha-ha, I chose to live indifferently to be numb. That was my plan to “Endure and Survive.” And how did that work out? My son is dead. Little B III. I don’t plan on anything, to be honest, Echo. But between Six Impossible Things and even what I want today. To talk to Braxton and Lady Sophia. I’m still not close to finishing World War Z. So I’ll be even more of a fraud with my reading. And what about NaNoWriMo month? When it comes to my existence, there’s always plan B… Though I rather not. Plan B: Codename Virgil.

654 Days Without B III, Day 095 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 134 ~B Wait, V’s Weight~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t think I ever dropped B III once in his life… it’s “funny” that Virgil continues right where he left off. Because he doesn’t do stairs… yet. Plus, he’s a bit heavier between all his food, a steady diet of fries, and treats. B Wait, V’s Weight

Saturday, November 12, 2022

Saga 134 ~B Wait, V’s Weight~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so there might be a drug I can take or some sort of machine… These memories…

I almost did it again today, Lady Lunalesca. As I was coming into the house. You know how I would always call out. “Just me, Baby B. Did you have a good day? “Good day?” So I stammered, but I got the V out. I’m sure Virgil didn’t care. Belly full of fries and all. Hell! If I weren’t going to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever again, I’d be sleeping. Lady Lunalesca, that would be better than what I want to do. I’ve been going nuts? Wow! Did I have to mention nuts? Surprise, surprise, what I’m thinking about, right. There were times Braxton had to wait in his room forever. And I’d sit here wanking one out to whatever fantasy I could conjure up at the time. Mouths, Titties…

If only I could get that time back. I should make a list of reasons not to jerk off. Honestly:

1: I mourned when my son Braxton Barks Bradford died

2:I am afraid he sees me wherever he is.

3:It is my punishment for failing as his daddy

4:I want the time back leaving him, while I…

5:He never met the woman who’d be his stepmom

I can come up with a few more. Lu, I’m still determining where these came from. This brings to mind 2 things. Manuscripts and music. I’ve had an earworm all day Lu. The King of Wishful Thinking and Lead Me Home. Sometimes I imagine it’s B’s playlist. Another list incoming

Well, on Spotify, sooner or later. One more thing to distract me from V. We’re out of the three-month window. And I’m sure I’ve talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly Lu. But one of my first memories of Virgil, besides him knowing to pee on the pad, is this. I called him a fatty. And this, my Lu, led me to my first cry of the day, holding B as he died. Um, I ordered his “execution,” but do we need to go there right now? Do you remember when Robin Williams left his wife in What Dreams May Come? Does B want to leave me alone? And Virgil is trying to get bigger, so I see him? B Wait, V’s Weight

650 Days Without B III, Day 091 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

Went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. I can’t say how much I saw with broken glasses and watching with an old pair. I need to take a look around, at Virgil, at existence, sigh. And learn how to live? GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Thursday, November 10, 2022

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

648 Days Without B III, Day 089 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You were too smart for your own good sometimes. Is there such a thing? Myself?

People thought it was because of the glasses. That’s where I was today, Wednesday, November 9, 2022. I went to the eye doctor. It wasn’t by choice, Braxton. Broken glasses. Plus, you’re joining the club. You know, talking to you for two days. But I don’t mind when it’s you. Of course, five girls are gasping or sighing with relief. I don’t know B. Speaking of the ladies. So, um, I had to buy new glasses. The deed is done, and I’m another $206.00 in the hole. Can I go a day without thinking about sex? Try a day not wondering about my lost boy. Not your fault, B III. Hell! I couldn’t see you if I wanted Braxton. Glasses fucked and all. I’m trying!

But give your Dad a pretty brunette in glasses, gushing about me. Yeah, I’m in trouble. Or how do the kids say, shut up and take my money? She upsold your Dad quite a bit. Well, it could be worse, Triple B. While I was sitting there thinking about doing some Triple X shit. $732.00 was the total price for today. But Tuesday, I ensured I had my insurance and paperwork cocked, locked, and ready to rock. Virgil appreciates eating. But I still don’t like looking into mirrors. Which I did a lot of today. Um, Wednesday. The glasses I bought were not in my black battle standard but brown. Staring at her tits but your eyes, lower… I mean, you’re short, not in, um…

Only I’m sure I’m going to Hell. Yet the thought did cross my mind, again, that looking through your eyes. I mean your perspective. Could this all be your doing? That makes me a horrible human being, Braxton. My paranoia surrounding you? No, that’s Virgil’s thing. What? I have yet to have had any time to train him. But here we are 89 days in. Three months B III. However, did I teach you Triple B? I didn’t. I was there sitting on your mom’s couch. You and I learned from each other. But to be without you, Braxton. The last look you gave me. Maybe you know I can’t stand looking at myself anymore. So I went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. But, GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 131 ~ B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

One more reason I want B back. Because be it Heaven or Hell, he sees everything. It’s easier to hide from Virgil. He doesn’t want to see the mess which is my existence. And neither do I, seeing how my glasses broke yesterday. “B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil”

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

Saga 131 ~ B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t see how. I mean that in more ways than you can imagine, Inspector.

In the literal sense, my glasses broke. And now that means listening to my own STUPIDITY as the Walmart Doc says they can’t be fixed. And what will the Eye Doc say tomorrow, or rather today? Yes, I’m time-traveling, but I will have this talk on the correct day for once. Something else I don’t want to listen to because I want to sleep. God knows my eyes need it. But I need to hear the bucks going into a wallet. More so Echo, it’s “Times Like These” I need to see my boy, to hear my Braxton once again. Echo, Braxton was the most beautiful thing in this whole wide world. And I watched him leave me. What now? He’s not in Virgil Vivi.

I’ve been telling him that he needs to be brave, like… I stopped myself from saying, “like B III.” That would have been mean. Hell! Why don’t I practice what I preach, Echo? Virgil doesn’t want to hear or see it. So 2V’s again in Braxton’s room. Who knows, getting advice from B’s ghost? As I said, I’m having a hard time seeing anything in these old glasses. Yeah, Inspector, that’s the problem. Not me trying to look at titties. Or how about hearing some girl say yes? How about seeing myself on Onlyfans? So much noise all around me. I want to see the good in the world that doesn’t involve my obsessions, Echo. But then again, what I’ll see tonight or today, anyway.

Which is worse, Inspector? Lust or Sloth? Do I lie in the dark sleeping? Inevitable. Inspector, it is lust that is keeping me awake and alive. And then I hear the drive-thru cashier call me Ma’am again. Seeing how I am treated at the Day Job always. Inspector, this life ain’t much to look at or much to tell. So, looking forward to anything? “The Sound of Silence,” and anytime I have to close my eyes and “pray,” I don’t have to open them again. But here we are on the 9th now. Eyes and ears, Endure and survive. Soon I’ll have to look into Virgil’s eyes. I still don’t see myself like I once did through B III’s eyes. Sigh. B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil.

647 Days Without B III, Day 088 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 127 ~Virgil Can B Mad~

WillLeave a comment

“That’s my secret Cap, I’m always Angry!” Or horny? Asking the Day Job; I’m always quiet, stupid, and good for a damn punchline. I’d tell B III that, minus the horny. I keep Virgil far away from my rage. Or I stuff us full of fries. Virgil Can B Mad.

Saturday, November 5, 2022

Saga 127 ~Virgil Can B Mad~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I swear I want to go all Count of Monte Cristo on the world’s ass.

My son is DEAD! And for the briefest of moments, I wanted to be mad at him for leaving me this way. I’m not. But the only thing that brought me any comfort. Lunalesca (sigh)… Braxton Barks Bradford is dead. Yet I’m still breathing. If I can survive Braxton’s death… Well, I can endure anything. This is a long-winded way of saying FUCK THIS WEEEK! And I’m about to have another one as well. Virgil Vivi will too. It’s why I stuff our faces with fries every day. Didn’t I say that I don’t have any money? Lunalesca, I don’t. Inevitably, we soldier on. And speaking of Mariah Carey, “But inevitably you’ll be back again.” Haven’t heard “All I Want For Christmas Is You” yet…

Not at the Day Job. But last week, I talked about getting out of a Friday shift. Yes, I failed. First, there was the fact that I was doing a job I wasn’t prepared for. It all stems from stupidity. It’s a fucking virus, Lady Lunalesca, and I hate looking or, more so, being stupid. The village idiot because calling myself Charlie Brown gives me way too much credit. Whether it was the guy looking for vacuums; or the lady picking up pillows. Or the old woman looking for the petite section. A reason I want money. A stupid allowance. You’re likely to spread idiocy around. I refuse. Yet they want me to train others? Braxton wasn’t trained, he knew. Virgil… I ain’t the daddy.

Oh no, Lu, I’m nobody’s daddy! A pair of tits and ass won’t make any of this right for me. But I still want to see Cherry’s big tits. As the song “All I wanted was to see her naked.” With great horniness comes “great vengeance and furious anger.” Not that I’m trying to sound like one of those INCEL fuckers. It’s more like dealing with any type of addiction. It makes the world comfortable, reasonable, and survivable. Lunalesca, I don’t want to survive anymore. But I can’t take my anger out on the Day Job. And not little Virgil. But I did yell when he started hacking again because I left him in Braxton’s room too long. Infected with RAGE. Virgil Can B Mad.

643 Days Without B III, Day 084 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I still do plenty of reading, but I should get my eyes checked out soon. Why? The Drs. prescriptions didn’t do anything. How many times will I go over B III’s paperwork? Grieving books and those that suck. Now, 2V’s papers. “B Seeing You Virgil”

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

641 Days Without B III, Day 082 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As usual, I’m Time-Traveling, but you can guess how Thursday is going. As for today…

Well, it’s Saturday, October 29, 2022. To think it was Saturday, August 13, 2022; I hoped I found you again. I’ve been thinking about how long it will take me to get over losing you. I mean again. The last book I read wasn’t about reincarnation. But about coping with loss. Braxton, can you see the future? What am I reading now? While we’re on the subject, I opened up “Too Late” by Colleen Hoover. I wanted to see if the Year End Kindle Challenge would count it. Between now and December 31, so no. What do you think, Braxton? You didn’t have much of an opinion on my reading material. As long as we are together, B? I Haven’t been on the couch lately.

Only I did catch up with reading today. It was between wanting to fall back asleep and crying. The writer was talking about dying before you. Braxton, given this existence… Braxton, without question, I’d have died for you. “I’d get Him to swap our places.”

Who, God? I’ve never seen him, but I’ve heard. Um, according to the dog tag I wear every day. You are the word of God. And as they say, men love darkness rather than light. Braxton, you are the light. And it’s people or rather the hatred I was given that is the darkness. In a minute, you’ll have me sounding like Samuel L. Jackson. Can I find things to look at? The beauty. I can’t see you in Virgil.

Rosette Christopher, for example. Braxton, that’s why I gave up. You know what I mean. Not now, but 161 days ago after you died. I was trying to make you look away from me, Braxton. I hope that Paradise is a sight better than what you had here. This existence. Virgil does have your color by his eyes. But in 82 days, how many times do I look at them? The highlight of these days is my face mashed against the screen, looking at Yabbos. Whenever I leave the house. And the fear takes over, and my eyes flitter everywhere. Braxton, didn’t I say, though, I wish we were together. To close these eyes permanently. You don’t like me saying that. B Seeing You Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 124 ~Smile On Virgil B~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t believe in God, or myself, democracy (with the GOP), the majority of humanity, and what about Little V. But I do have faith in B III. He would say, “well, you could have fooled me.” But any prayers I have, I save for him. “Smile on Virgil B.”

Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Saga 124 ~Smile On Virgil B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but so was Kanye West, “Ye,” whoever last week. I wonder if he’s praying now, Inspector.

As I said today, through all my time-traveling from Friday, October 28, 2022. I don’t pray to any god. Hell! If you wanted to make me a believer, all you need do is save Braxton. That boy gave me everything he had his whole life. And what did I give him in the end, Inspector? I swear! Am I reading another dog grieving book or “Too Late?” I ask Braxton. To think, I have the audacity to ask for anything. My most common prayer is for strength every day. “Braxton, give me strength.” Wouldn’t it be more embarrassing if I were asking him to come back? Oh, we’ll get to that. But the worst is this Inspector. To protect Virgil. An insult, to be sure?

Every day I lean more and more into Braxton not being Virgil. I should be ashamed because that’s the one card that 2V has to play. That he might be my long lost son Braxton. Wow! Is 670 days that long ago. A year and a lot of change. But not for Banfield, ha. Still, I asked Braxton to guide my steps on Tuesday, October 25, 2022. V’s Vet Appointment. Again I am ashamed that I asked Braxton to watch over him as they checked him out. With me outside the room, sitting on the bench. The same place I learned B III was dying. And even as I was there to watch the one I loved most die. I call out to Braxton still.

At least I have the presence of mind to bring Virgil upstairs. He doesn’t need to see me do that. Does Braxton talk to him while I’m gone? Is he guarded outside without me there? Speaking of not being around… How long has it been since I’ve jerked off? Gross! Inspector, trust me, I know, but that is my alone time. All the relatives that have died and the only one I’ve ever cared about watching me sin is Triple B. Giving up Triple X. Inspector I did for quite a while. And by the time you see this, there’s No Nut November and NaNoWriMo. There’s no time for my happiness… please. There’s Virgil? I like to think B III’s happy. Smile On Virgil B

640 Days Without B III, Day 081 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will