Tag: Writer

Tale 055 ~That’ll B Virgil’s “Weekness”~

WillLeave a comment

It is not weak to value life. I valued Braxton’s one way, and Virgil’s the other. And if I wasn’t on the cusp of E-Day… One more week. And then what? Next week will be more of the same, and then… And here come the tears. That’ll B Virgil’s “Weekness”

Friday, August 25, 2023

Tale 055 ~That’ll B Virgil’s “Weekness”~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I can create my own word. Happiness will never become me. And The Ten Commandments…

“You lost him when he went to seek his God. I lost him when he found his God.” ― Sephora

Whether it be that mere minutes ago, I was lost in “The Pic Phenomenon.” You know my weakness so well. And yes, I can spell Sophia. Or is it the thought of one week remaining? Either way, I was led to the word of “God” this morning. Necromancy now Christianity?

Hell! If I believe in anything, it’s in my little boy, my son B. The little God that he is. He couldn’t save me at 37, 38. Only here we are a week away from 39. What the Hell am I going to do? We’ll get to that. Haven’t I been saying that for years, Sophia? Here we are approaching the 39th E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. It’s about damn time… To go? What about Virgil?

Didn’t I say something about Virgil not being Braxton’s reincarnation this past week? If anything, I am a weakness that the two of them share. Braxton didn’t want to go, and Virgil asked me to stay. It sucks to be V for the moment because he thought this week was hard. Well, next week… I guess it could be worse. The Day Job demands. And while I’m speaking of a Day Job, a business? “My” favorite hot dog place closed down on Wednesday. I couldn’t even treat myself to one more pepper dog, Sophia. Inevitable. Isn’t it? Time! Now that Lady Sophia is a major weakness. Time, Titties, Tears. And the little two-year-old at the end of the bed. That, again, (sigh) ain’t my son.

No! My child died on Sunday, January 31, 2021, at 15. That’s around 76-80 human years. Seeing as how he was on the cusp of being 16. B III was/is so strong. Existing hasn’t made me so. I wish I had never emerged. And extinction? Olds called? They haven’t yet. But supporting a “man,” that’s 39. Who needs that kind of weakness? Jigsaw would have a field day with me. Something to do with the survival instinct… Sophia, I am still here. It’s what I tell everyone. So, shouldn’t that tell me something about my strengths and weaknesses? I have one more week to figure it out. But then what I ask will come next. Hell! One last book to read… That’ll B Virgil’s “Weekness”

936 Days Without B III, Day 377 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 054 ~B Thankful For Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

The motivations I listened to spoke on Gratitude. I’m grateful for the meditations that help me breathe. It’s getting harder to do by the day. But my boys need me…Did I really say that? Believe it? B III was here once, and V. “B Thankful For Virgil.”

Thursday, August 24, 2023

Tale 054 ~B Thankful For Virgil~

935 Days Without B III, Day 376 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Hell! Today is Sunday, August 20, 2023, Time Travel. And today’s already to be ruined.

Do I blame you for not being here anymore? Nope. I still blame “me, myself, and I” for that. But I am thankful you were here once upon a time. Start with Gratitude, right? Little B, I’ll be grateful if your grandparents haven’t called today. We’re getting even closer, B. I mean not you and I because I can’t hear you. I’m trying, but I’m not waiting around either. No! I’m much too busy hitting the buttons and accomplishing nothing. So, why did I get these ideas of Gratitude? As I sit here in bed today. You’d be locked up. Yeah, that lets you know exactly what I was doing. And you thought my baby talk was crazy. With you, I had a voice B.

I’m thankful I heard it once. And that I didn’t sound crazy. Okay, yeah, it was plenty of madness. But at least I wasn’t talking to myself. Virgil’s here, but we never speak at all. He doesn’t know me, and as the song goes, “I think I’m turning Japanese.” Successful? Only at wasting my time with that sort of thing. What? You had a thing for your Aunt’s Yabbos, if I recall. I’m grateful I had… have a friend like her. But I haven’t heard from her in a while. Have you gone to check on her? You both know my feelings on E-Day: Emergence, Existence, and Extinction. To you, it was more fries and maybe a bit of steak. Grateful I’m eating anything now.

But I feel so good right now because I haven’t thought about it in a bit B. Not thinking… I haven’t thought about the fence being broken. It’s holding up well. And the yard? Humiliations Galore! Instead, I’m trying to avoid that, so it’s pretty short. And Virgil? Sometimes I wonder if you send him. I haven’t thought for a while he’s reincarnated. There are more reasons to shout praises. so that I’m not disappointed saying, “B wouldn’t do that.” But your grandparents… Hell! What about today, as in your Thursday? This is the worst day —at least, day job-wise. You know. As long as Virgil isn’t crying Wednesday and I ignore him, then… Am I thinking of joining you? Gratitude. B Thankful For Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 048 ~Braxton, The End, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“My” story, me existing… It’s a bit like the Bible. I never read it all. Has a lesson here or there, B, a time in high school, B’s aunt, M anime. But the story shouldn’t be taken as gospel. And don’t burn it, like my B was. Braxton, The End, Virgil

Friday, August 18, 2023

Tale 048 ~Braxton, The End, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I have a feeling that’s not how the story will end. Only it should end.

My favorite critic, of course, was railing about why I must sound all depressive. And how many days have I talked about Braxton? 929 days and counting. Braxton’s story ended. And mine should have ended there as well at the age of 36. And here I am, turning 39 ha. That’s nothing to laugh at. But don’t I remember what day it is? Someone’s birthday. Happy Birthday, M Anime!!! Welcome to Level 35! I envy you. Given your years, I’d… Well, we’ll get to that, won’t we, Lady Sophia? But for now, it’s Braxton’s story. Or that’s what I should say. On top of everything else, there’s been guilt with a book I’ve read. Hmm? It has nothing to do with dead fur babies. Hamster?

No, the hamster is alive and well. Even Grayson’s relationships are working out great with Robyn, his English Rose. And Julia the witch. Two sets of Yabbos, I swear, Sophia. Yes, it’s Friday. But I figured it would take me longer to get through Satan’s Sorority Girls 2 by Eric Vall. There was a moment this morning after I realized Braxton wasn’t stepping on my head. And when I did a morning meditation. Anyway, what came next was the idea that I could become a harem romance writer. But it’s too late for that, Sophia. Inevitably, E-Day will come -Emergence, Existence, Extinction. And my Olds will realize that I’m 39. There’s comfort in the fact that if they wanted to cut me off… why wait?

Why wait? As I look at the nightstand beside me. It’s an altar to the end of all things, yep. On top is B III’s shrine. There are his ashes, condolence card, cremation certificate, etc. In the middle are a few knives. An emergency fund. Braxton’s aunt’s wedding card. Oops! In the next drawer are more weapons that scare me to even look at these days. All I’ve been feeling. And the last drawer is empty. I want to say since I quit “adult entertaining.” Myself, of course. And that’s why I’m rushing to finish Eric Vall’s book. And all the “anime” I’ve seen on Twitter. Wanting more it never ends, Lady Sophia. This depression, disease of existence, deviancy. “My” story… Braxton, The End, Virgil

929 Days Without B III, Day 370 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 047 ~ Virgil’s “Hi” Enough Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

New vice? I don’t drink. B’s Aunt could tell you that. It’s been 20 days since I gave up “something.” And I don’t have a drug connect. As much as my Olds tried. And saying “hi” to the furry… I’m still not sure what V is. Virgil’s “Hi” Enough Braxton.

Thursday, August 17, 2023

Tale 047 ~ Virgil’s “Hi” Enough Braxton~

928 Days Without B III, Day 369 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Judging by what time it is AHEM, I had one wild night. Well, not really…

These past few nights, I’ve been going to sleep crying tears. Balance it, ain’t you. Fortunately, I’m still able to sleep at all, Braxton. I know you’ll hate me saying this, but I still don’t want to wake up. Every night, if I were one for prayer. That’s what I would ask God for. Instead, I sit here while Virgil lies at the foot of the bed. Daddy’s crying? Braxton, how many times have I said, Virgil’s not my son, yet… One whole year? Honestly, how long were we together before you gained such a title? I keep going back to the moment you jumped in the car. And how you hated any car rides. But for “One Shining Moment…” Well, you learned to fly.

Listen to me as if you weren’t jumping all the time. All you had to do was see one of your aunts. I saw your actual Aunt a few days ago. Gotcha Day, to be exact. Sadly, I don’t remember the day she got you or, again, the very day you became my son. But your Aunt was always in your heart. The way you would cozy up to her. When Aunt Carolina saw… I swear she was so jealous. But let me tell you this, Little B. The way you would hide in Aunt Carolina’s boobs… As if I couldn’t have done the same thing if I wanted. Yabbos! Beautiful faces are one thing. But some great Yabbos… It’s the reason I’m still breathing.

How sad is that? It’s not for the love of Virgil, a voracious life, or even getting some pus.. well, vagina. B III, you were scared of girls, well, the furry variety anyway. And your dad? Anyway, my point is, I was reading another one of those books that talk about… um, man stuff. I didn’t want to think about how I sent you straight to Heaven… or Hell with me. Now, I don’t tell Virgil about such things. How about “Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!” There’s “Hello, Hi.” Braxton, V doesn’t raise his voice either unless I’m leaving. Requires “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal” Ah! To reach you B. Virgil’s “Hi” Enough Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 041 ~Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending~

WillLeave a comment

I’m sure wherever Braxton is, he’s learned to read now. I would tell him stories… The ones that didn’t involve this or that. Anyway, I think about how our story ended… And if I could rewrite it? But I’m not with the GOP. Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending

Friday, August 11, 2023

Tale 041 ~Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. It’s more like I’m rushing to read all about it. Or better. Checking the fence today

That’s something I’m not looking forward to. But I wasn’t eager for B’s passing either. Lady Sophia, if you had told me the story would end with me murdering my best friend in the world… I swear I’m not learning anything from these books on grieving fur buddies. Euthanasia, AKA the “good death.” Braxton’s gone, I’m guilty. I’m not good. Hell! I’m reading the reference section from Pawprints on the Heart. I need every word. I’m so used to not finishing anything. Remember a couple of days back, I got into working on one of the novels? I paid $300 for a book I haven’t sent in. Going on four years, to be honest. If Virgil could read, Braxton says, “it is what it is.”

And that’s why we ain’t got no money. But the fence held up to the storm. Glory Hallelujah! I said that before checking because I’ve been lying here looking for a birthday gift for M Anime. Um, that soon turned into looking for a gift for myself. What was that? M Anime wants seeds for her garden. I want to see her with less clothing. Lest we forget, what else do I want, Lady Sophia? When Braxton was on his last legs. He could always count on me to bring back fries. My payday was better than I expected yesterday. Hallelujah! No, I’m not finding religion. Between this week and the next… No money for the church. What about a tip? I didn’t say that, did I? Or think it?

Lady Sophia, that’s like saying “adult entertainment” is free. I don’t have to spend money on OnlyFans. A few months back, I figured I was in trouble with The Pic Phenomenon. And this morning, I was looking up Elegant Moments Style 1404, for real. But I got “bills” to pay as an almost thirty-nine-year-old man. If it’s not the fence, it’s what my Olds will say come E-Day. I won’t pay for a man’s sausage biscuit. That’s what my father told me at church when I was young. I agree. Incredible right? Anyway, speaking of spending more money, Satan’s Sorority Girls 2 has come out. Ok, should I read it? No one will be reading about me dying soon… But, Virgil? Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending

922 Days Without B III, Day 363 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 040 ~Don’t B Broken, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

When I thought V had thrown up on the phone, I was ready to get it fixed. When B was sick, I’d have paid anything to save him. I was on the phone all night when this very blog went down. But the floor, fence, and freeloader? “Don’t B Broken, Virgil.”

Thursday, August 10, 2023

Tale 040 ~Don’t B Broken, Virgil~

921 Days Without B III, Day 362 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I haven’t had one in… 921 days and counting. “When we pretend that we’re dead…”

Only you don’t have to pretend. You were broken, Braxton. And nothing more could be done on Saturday, January 31, 2021. All the king’s horses and men and all that… I’m coming to you on Sunday, August 6, 2023. I can’t help but wonder what’s broken now. These days, I keep imagining that nothing’s wrong. But the floor, fence, and the freeloader sigh. I know B III. I need to stop calling 2V that. Did I save him, or did he save himself from being “Down with the Sickness?” Hell! I’m still broke B III. Payday today! I’m not feeling anything close to good about it. I’m looking at this existence like Han Solo looked at the Millennium Falcon. “You hear me, baby? Hold together.”

I’ve repeatedly said, “It’s my heart, and it’s broken.” Something I can blame you for, B. No! “You can put the blame on me.” I’m a broken record, but it was indifference. While trying not to hurt you, I couldn’t allow myself to feel anything at all. Okay B III? And now, in my guts… Anytime I want to say I don’t have any? TMI! I’m making myself much too sick whenever I wake up because all I can feel is worry, wantonness, and my wish. Oh, a Death wish… I want to be with you, I don’t want to wake up, and I don’t want to wait for the next thing to be broken. And there will be nothing that I can do, Braxton.

I literally hold up the fence you so loyally defended for all these years with sticks and stones. But to watch it come apart every minute, moment, and maybe even now. Yeah, it’s Sunday, and I’m sitting at the dining room table as a storm rages outside, ready to break it. Humiliations Galore are waiting on the other side. This morning, I told the Man In The Mirror that I look to all these things as a sign. Your Dad will be thirty-nine soon, and I have to do something. But whether it be my pants, all the pain, or… well, that other P TMI. I’m broken. And if I wasn’t so pathetic, I’d make it so… I couldn’t be fixed. Don’t B Broken, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 034 ~Virgil Knows, B’s Tales~

WillLeave a comment

Who do I tell when there’s nothing they can do? Braxton couldn’t save himself. But he fought to live so he could save me. “How to Save a Life.” I can’t fix the floor or fence or find a dentist for my face.” I’d tell B. And V? Virgil Knows, B’s Tales.

Friday, August 4, 2023

Tale 034 ~Virgil Knows, B’s Tales~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That doesn’t make me benevolent. I’m neither brave nor bold. Balance isn’t helping this scared BOY!

It’s such an ugly word in how it’s spoken in this country. Not that I’ve heard it from a white person lately… We’ll get to that. I’m more concerned with the man in the mirror. No! The BOY. That’s what I am, Lady Sophia, a pathetic (puss… censored) poor BOY. Yeah? Should I start singing, “I’m just a poor boy; nobody loves me.” Yesterday… Please! But Virgil did try. I don’t talk to him about Braxton often. Only I was lying here crying about the rain… Again, we’ll get to that because, as the song goes, “I’m only happy when it rains.” Or I once was, but with everything coming down on me these days. Anyway, Virgil attempted to cuddle me, and I fell asleep.

Two things, Lady Sophia. One, I’m never happy. Two, when Braxton was here. It didn’t matter what happened as long as I was wrapped around him. He would somehow wind himself around whatever was hurting me… Which explains why he was constantly stepping on my head. Or the way he would watch over me always. I was safe, protected, and loved. Lady Sophia, a boy, and his dog. If I ever published that story, I wouldn’t be in the mess I am now. And truth be told, I want to make a mess I’ll never have to clean up. Ever! So, let’s start at the beginning. I’m “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.” Every day now. And of all the STUPID reasons, the fence is broken.

I’m 38, OK, Lady Sophia, and I have no idea what I will do. Call my Dad? Oh God! Well, not doing anything to help myself, I cut some weeds off the opposite fence. I then decided to check the route Braxton and I would walk behind the houses here. Those were much better days. Anyway, this guy calls out and asks if I live here. Then he asks where before he accuses me of trying to steal some bikes. “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” And so was he, Sophia. A black man! Not a white guy, a Karen, or M Anime and her… Racism? Existing has always been too much for me. No fairytale world Virgil Knows, B’s Tales.

915 Days Without B III, Day 356 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 033 ~ I’ll B Fearful Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Oh, I remember “doing time” in the church. God has not given us the spirit of fear. No, my father gave me plenty. And when I became a father… once. I ain’t sure about V. Only he’s afraid. You’d have to be crazy not to be scared. I’ll B Fearful Virgil

Thursday, August 3, 2023

Tale 033 ~ I’ll B Fearful Virgil~

914 Days Without B III, Day 355 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I brought fries or other food back for the last months/year of your life. Always.

I didn’t have hope or courage. Whatever love I have is for you. And holding on to it, B was a… I swear, one of these days, I have to get over this censorship. But you see it B III. I’m still time-traveling. Today is Wednesday, July 26, 2023. So you can guess how I am Now and Later. What are you, a vampire? Now and Later candy? The movie Let Me In. Remember Braxton Barks? Ah! To be so young again, you and me. We weren’t scared of films. I tell myself that you weren’t afraid of anything. It’s a lie like saying I killed you, B III ha. Only I did. And you were scared of Granddaddy, furry “girls,” and leaving me alone.

If you’re asking what got me today, take your pick. Or should I say all the above? On the test, THEY would say go with C. But I know the answer… B. Always you, Thou Art Courageous. But you are your father’s son. And your granddaddy called me Wednesday. It went about as well as to be expected. If I wasn’t “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal” before. Braxton, I hate to say it, but it could always be worse. Again, the two of us and women, ha-ha. Your aunt? I was pretty stupid to M-Anime. My words B. And then there’s Cherry. All these things I wish I could explain. But now I’m here with Virgil. Well, he’s on the bed. I’m still upset about YOUR pillows… Crap and vomit.

Have I got V a new one by this time? Do you want to know something else that scares me? Having not a dollar to my name. By the time you read this… um, workweek paycheck. It’ll be more than a few horrible weeks, but the floor, B? Do you recall when we had the ant invasion and the nightmares that kept waking me? And now cracks in the floorboards? Not to mention, the sound of the AC is driving me insane. I’m never happy. There was a time I complained that I didn’t hear a thing. And now the sounds of moaning, “Tiny Tabby.” And I keep saying it —the fear of time. I’m thirty-eight. I’m scared. So is Virgil. I’ll B Fearful Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 027 ~Sick Of B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t fear Solanum, Rage, Cordyceps, Vampirism, the Screwfly Solution, etc. For most of those, you’re dead or facing extinction. Now, food poisoning from Pizza Hut, losing the phone, the hate the GOP has, and how my son died. Sick of B, Virgil

Friday, July 28, 2023

Tale 027 ~Sick Of B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And short of bringing Braxton back… Money don’t buy happiness. But courage? Freedom from FEAR? Uh…

Those aren’t the same thing. Hell! This morning, I could find you a ton of memes, hmm. Isn’t that how we all do our reading nowadays? And I’m looking up courage and hope like it’s candy in my pocket. Wasn’t that from the 1997 film The Postman? More to read… I should be looking up why Virgil seems to be sick. If this were Braxton and I wasn’t pissed about the Day Job. Today, though, it’s not rage. Okay, that’s a lie. There’s a bit. Sophia, I could be reading about dead fur babies. That’s like my bread and butter, so I may never forget what I did to Braxton. My son, sick as he was, and how I failed him. There’s the phone too.

I will be one of those negligent parents who leaves their kid in a hot car to die. Huh. Accidently. But I am worried about the phone. Did Virgil puke on it with his sickness? Why do you think I’m up now? While I’m busy trying or instead not trying to quote movies, Fear, uh? It doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up. That’s from Divergent. I can’t stand Arron Rodgers. And I’m disappointed that Shailene Woodley “Tris” was ever with him. Eff no! Oh! Here’s something you thought you would never read from me. Sophia, I hate SEX! Now, that’s the sickness I should be worried about. But with all the Fear that’s coursing through my veins. Quarantine. Now, that’s what’s driving me.

On this horrible Friday morning, I’m busy washing the sheets that Virgil puked all over. Even money has taken a backseat with all the cleaning stuff I should buy. Veterinarian? I’m not going yet. But isn’t that the mistake I made with Braxton? Shouldn’t I be in his room now, watching over Virgil? He walked Dante through Hell, but giving it, I swear, my lady. All he does is remind me of my failure. Like scam emails, Braxton’s pictures, etc. Uh, the phone that I should be worried about if it’s ruined or not. I can’t stop the Fear. There are books? Please tell me Succubus 8 ends well. To be continued? Are there more? Braxton was one of a kind. Sick Of B, Virgil?

908 Days Without B III, Day 349 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 026 ~Don’t B Broke Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

As the song goes, “If I had just one wish, only one demand. I hope he’s not like me. I hope he understands.” Well, V’s got no pockets. And no girls have been up in here. He’s got his food. If he didn’t spend days afraid, like me. Don’t B Broke Virgil

Thursday, July 27, 2023

Tale 026 ~Don’t B Broke Virgil~

907 Days Without B III, Day 348 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? I’ve bawled like a baby. I’m bellowed a ton of BS. And I’m broke.

Of course, I’m time-traveling, Braxton. Today is Sunday, July 16, 2023. So a week and quite a bit of change. And not the kind I could use. If only I treated every dollar as if it made cents, ha-ha. For you, Little B. But yeah, your Dad is a liar because where’s your stuff? Braxton, you should have memorials galore. Even better… You should still be alive, B III. Hell! With all the money in the world, I doubt anything could have been done to save you. Trust the science, Pancake. However, I have read about other people’s madness. Somewhere a scientist was kidnapped because someone wanted their friend to be immortal. Another person had $1000 towards theirs. Which ain’t much by any means B.

I always said you had $1000 in insurance. But God knows for you, Braxton, I’d have gone all “John Q” to save you. And what about Virgil? He’s broke but in a much different way. A way that ain’t costing me any money. Besides a few tears for you, I’ve been bitching all day. Sorry about the language. Not like I can swear at your grandpa, or Bill come Monday. How about the Man in the Mirror, who I talked to today? Always time-traveling, B. Bringing books to life, ha. If only I had done that before. There are the ones for you, B III. I could be an exhibitionist, like you, in front of your Aunt. Showing my balls on OnlyFans and such, hmm…

Begging for more hours at the Day Job is out of the question. Little B, I blame no one for your death except myself… And that place. The rage it brought. The Hell inside me. Talk about money burning a hole in my pocket. You and Virgil are pretty lucky you don’t have pockets. You didn’t have to worry, but of course you did. You are your Dad’s son B. But Virgil? It only mattered when we didn’t have AC at all. And now I’m in the same place. Now if it were you, Little B, I wouldn’t be questioning anything. You are my son. But lacking food bellyaches, the bills I gotta pay, (spoiled) and wanting to bail on existing… Don’t B Broke Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad