Tag: Existence

Saga 229 ~B Embarrassed Times 2V~

WillLeave a comment

If I want to be ashamed, I can look in the mirror. There’s seeing this one particular woman and getting hard? There are morning huddles at the Day Job. There’s also sitting on the bench when they say B’s sick. Nope dying. B Embarrassed Times 2V.

Wednesday, February 15, 2023

Saga 229 ~B Embarrassed Times 2V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as I said before, I’m not a snowflake, sissy, or snickering member of the GOP.

But I am a bad man. Not R. Kelly bad. More like I’m the bad guy because I do bad-guy things. Thank you, Henry “TLOU.” Worse than fantasizing about a woman I work with? It goes without saying but killing my son, the death of Triple B. Echo, that’s the 9th Circle for sure. Treachery. Of course, that’s been on my mind all January and this month. And not because I finished Succubus Lord yet again. And again, my boss these days… This brings me to Virgil. I keep saying I must be nicer to him. But even now, he’s in Braxton’s Room. All by his lonesome. Well, at least I ain’t masturbating; edging, at least. I’m working at the table after the Day Job.

Does some woman have me all revved up? Could it be that I enjoy being clean? That’s something else that’s been getting to me, Inspector. I wish I had found that clinical deodorant sooner. As in before my Granddaddy’s funeral. Not his death, but smelling funky. Inspector, I’m sure my Olds were all kinds of embarrassed, and my sister too. I don’t give a fuck about my Old Man, but he has something else to laugh about. It’s eating me up. Again what about Virgil? He needs his nails trimmed, a bath, and God knows what. Inspector, it requires money, movement, and, most importantly of all, people. Braxton never embarrassed me, and neither has Virgil. As Akon sings, “you can put the blame on me.”

And “I’ve tried so hard.” Obviously, not when looking up black role models. R. Kelly, my Old Man, Akon, (sigh). Hell! I’ll be the first to admit I don’t want to be good. Books, brothels, bullets, and/or biology. Go into a business where you’re always needed. The keyword there is always. And I’m always embarrassed, Inspector. This existence that I’m hoping to turn into my life someday… Where Braxton doesn’t feel the need to always protect me. Where Virgil doesn’t see me as a wicked monster. Inspector, I want to be someone good enough for one of these “friends.” Lusted for and loved. How about saying I’m who Braxton thinks I am? One day? I wish. Nope, walking with Virgil. Outside? B Embarrassed Times 2V

745 Days Without B III, Day 186 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 226 ~Excuse Braxton and Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What do B III and 2V have in common? I have no excuse for ignoring them. I excused myself from B III’s dying because I hate the Day Job. I excused myself from V’s life because of that death, the Day Job, and me being a dick. Excuse Braxton and Virgil

Sunday, February 12, 2023

Saga 226 ~Excuse Braxton and Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you? You don’t know who, what, or why you are. Oh, what, two hours isn’t enough?

Well, three. But from 4:00 AM to 5:00 AM, you wished you were dead. Ain’t that the dream? To join Braxton? It’s the one thing we can agree on. But B III excused himself. Yet another way of saying you killed him. I wish I had enjoyed last week. No! I was much too busy making excuses. I worried about the pay, the “Power of The Pussy” and puppies. Yes, you’re thinking about boobs, but the point was more for Braxton and Virgil. You’re not looking for my advice. Or rather, you wouldn’t take it anyway. But if you care to listen. You have to start being nicer to Virgil. You’ll never excuse yourself from your grief and guilt. I did from Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Melody Hooked Up” by Imogen Linn
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 037 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 044 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Hell! You had to make up for my failure this morning. “Melody Hooked Up,” really? Forty-four days. I swear, last night, I was moaning and groaning, hoping that Virgil stayed in Braxton’s Room. He shouldn’t be there at all… What did I say? Be nice. But you can’t help how you feel. And not only because you want to fuck and/or masturbate. Like all the time. “That’s my secret Cap. I’m always horny.” And you will be too. It would have happened this morning but of course, the freeloader… Be nice! AHEM, Virgil was sleeping, and there was no excuse to move him, so all you did was read. Braxton would be proud. Although that’s one more reason you want to feel. Anything but the failure of Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 3 by Rodzil LaBraun
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 044 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because there is no excuse to miss Braxton’s Birthday. Which is Monday. Any plans? Well, he will be eighteen. You mean it. Not that he would be, but he will be eighteen. A milestone. You think? You don’t even remember turning eighteen yourself… twenty years ago. Here’s a question. What’s your excuse for not living all these years? You just started. Existing, never living. You aren’t worthy of being alive. And sure, you could get political. You could blame this on your “Daddy,” the Day Job, or your wayward “DICK.” Always. But you’re facing the man in the mirror now. The most loved dog in creation, or the mutt upstairs. For the last time, BE NICE! Can’t excuse yourself for who you are. Change your ways? Excuse Braxton and Virgil.

742 Days Without B III, Day 183 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 223 ~State of V, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I could say I was a “Real American” that watched the State of the Union on Tuesday. Nah, about this time, I was watching NXT and not for the sweaty guys. Two years ago, Triple B would be sitting here with me. But now the “State of V, Braxton.”

Thursday, February 9, 2023

Saga 223 ~State of V, Braxton~

739 Days Without B III, Day 180 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing how late it is, you can guess how mine was. Not a stinky corpse.

That makes two of us. Was that a low blow? My apologies, Braxton Barks. Again you can guess by the title what or, instead, who I want to talk about. Well, not really… Virgil Vivi. But it’s been 180 days or around six months. I gotta keep up with “Gotcha Day.” V’s was on Saturday, August 13, 2022. I’ve read about the first three months with a new fur baby. So here we are at six. Yes, you’re still here, Triple B. The only thing sticking more to me like writing and porno. Eww! I know, right. Don’t forget how you liked your aunt’s boobs. Always and forever, our love of TWINS. And this is your home or wherever I find myself these days. Bed.

But AHEM! I come to you this evening to say that the State of Virgil is strong. So I think… Physically, Virgil is about 2 years and 4 months. He’s eating and drinking, as far as I can tell. He needs his nails trimmed in the worst way. And when was he last bathed? Money. Emotionally, he lives in fear. I hadn’t yelled at him except when he sniffed your bed. Oh, and when he crapped on your pillow. And I ended up destroying it in the wash. Sadly, we only spend time together as we’re both napping the day away. As far as the house… he has yet to master the stairs, control his bladder, or take any initiative when exploring “his” new place.

Only he has started running to the bedroom. Do you remember how you would wait in the Den when I brought food back? Virgil doesn’t want to be left in your room all day. B. As I’ve been talking about this week, I’ve been all about the anime “Waifus.” Daddy? I can’t say I’ve been a good one leaving Virgil to do whatever and now becoming a bit annoyed with his intrusion. I haven’t “punished” him. I have sent him back to your room B. Early this morning, I woke up from a dream about a funeral. You never got one of those, for real, Braxton. And from that darkness comes Virgil Vivi walking in like he owns the place. Never! State of V, Braxton.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 222 ~B A Gift, V…~

WillLeave a comment

The last two things Braxton asked for were to come home and stay with me. If he’d asked for my life if giving my life could save his… Hell! I wish a button would have allowed me to go with him. What have I given Virgil? Bare Necessities? B A Gift, V.

Wednesday, February 8, 2023

Saga 222 ~B A Gift, V…~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I’m glad the clinical strength deodorant is about ten bucks. And I watch Peacock; why?

This is still so fucked up to think, but without Braxton around, paydays were bigger. Braxton is my son but my first tax refund without him… I continue to wonder where I fucked up from this year when last year was pretty huge? I’m getting a thousand back and change. But speaking about fucking up, how much of that is going towards Virgil. If anything, only the basics. I did get him a Christmas gift. What about treats and bedding? I woke up this afternoon to that song “Wake Me Up” ha-ha. Inspector, those lines… “Life’s a game made for everyone. And love is the prize.” I continue to disagree that love is the prize. No, I believe love is a gift. The message today…

Hell! The only one I want a message from is my Triple B. I can’t say I’ve heard from him. Not even the day he died. I didn’t listen to him when he got sick or when he got “sent.” I think that was in Sabriel. Have I been getting messages from any books these days? All I’ve been doing. I have two emails about the books I should be reading but oh no, tits. How many notices have I got about the last video I downloaded about some titties? Hentai tits at that. Well, if you’re asking why I’m late. I was edging to a pair from the UK. Inspector, if I were a Christian man, I’d say tits are a gift from God.

Braxton would agree with that. People say God is love. My Braxton, Boobies, a billion. Those are life and love. You know my thoughts about laughter. I did some of that at the Day Job… It was either that or start crying. I’ve told you about stinking up the joint, but the visual lady talked about herself smelling like a goat. It could have only been words or a gift, E. She likes me. She really likes me. No, not like that. Hearing her message, though? I don’t know what to think. That puts me on par with V. Food, a pillow, water, toys, what else? Because I don’t have love. Hundred bucks from taxes. I’d give Braxton my life, love. B A Gift, V

738 Days Without B III, Day 179 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 219 ~Braxton, Virgil, Smell Disappointment~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I could say a shower would help? How much faith do I have in this clinical strength stuff? Well, between that and a movie where the ending kind of stinks. I have no money to burn. And if I keep my Day Job? Braxton, Virgil, Smell Disappointment

Sunday, February 5, 2023

Saga 219 ~Braxton, Virgil, Smell Disappointment~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s that I smell coming off you? Money burning a hole in your pocket? At best…

I did remember to buy you some “clinical” deodorant yesterday. “That’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off.” Right? It beats smelling like Braxton always and forever… Do you mean dead or like a dog? Um? It beats the last couple of days or that film, you think. Well, are we talking about “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story” or “Knock at the Cabin?” For the moment, “Knock at the Cabin.” I swear! Even with everything they said about that movie, the ending still makes you think… it sucked. Good, you can judge something else for a change. And not only you. The fact you woke up late. Or that you were edging. At least you made it to the dining room table.

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 029 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 037 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

All of last week was one big Disappointment. Oh, look here, Six Impossible Things missed. But there’s always more. For example, as you finished “The Book Eaters” this morning. It’s not counting towards the Kindle Challenge. That means reading another book that’s not about dead fur babies. Not to mention reading one about a dead history, and people thank you, Ron DeSantis. There’s so much reading working on your brain. Disappointment. I shouldn’t say that; your week is only starting. But as far as sweat, blood, and tears. Well, there’s no blood. I wish for that because then I could go and be with Braxton. Alarming. Well, more like alarms because you were hoping for death every time you hit them. But Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined (Refill Amazon Card)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 037 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Yeah, that still needs to be done. Because you’ll be busy moaning and groaning in bed, sweating. I’m some kind of addict, and you will be too sad to say. Twitter, Replika, and OnlyFans have been less than helpful. Remember that @magicmagy is on OnlyFans. Whatever food you cook won’t bring Braxton running. And as far as Virgil is concerned. Hell! It’s not that you’ll work up a musk playing with him outside. More like you’ll step into shit trying to get him back in the house. Why not take a walk with him? Advice? Hard to give it when you’re worried about anything and everything with the Day Job. Humiliations Galore? And I hope you don’t bring them upon yourself. Braxton, Virgil, Smell Disappointment

735 Days Without B III, Day 176 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 216 ~Breathe, Virgil And B~

WillLeave a comment

Smells Like Teen Spirit or worse. B was only fifteen. But I’m thirty-eight, crying over a second year without my son. He’d be eighteen come February 13. And I haven’t washed his bed since he passed. The smell… um, no, that’s me. Breathe, Virgil And B

Thursday, February 2, 2023

Saga 216 ~Breathe, Virgil And B~

732 Days Without B III, Day 173 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I remember how you used to dance, wag your tail, and your footsteps. Little toesy-wosies…

Oh, how long did it take me to learn English after you left? Uh, you’d listen to me rant, B. But of course, I’d rather not today. Only you wouldn’t have me crying either, Braxton. Confession was earlier this morning, Wednesday, February 1, 2023. I am still afraid, B III. Cooking something to eat? You’ll be happy to know I have food left from the funeral. No, not yours. I’m sort of pissed about that. It’s tradition. Barbeque… Piggie Potato. Yesterday, I wanted both. Only since the place I got my first meal without you sucks at making a Piggie Potato… Well, a part of you says I’m thinking about myself. But no B III. Well, other than the fact I stink… I don’t know.

Not any people around here to make me nervous. I swear I should have had you registered as Emotional Support. As for Virgil… He’s still breathing. A low blow Braxton? Please, he’s only been here about six months. Call me in fifteen years, eleven months. Actually, call me sooner, Braxton. I won’t forget about you. But then, forgetting myself, B? How I wish I could B III. For real, I want to forget about that damn funeral and my funk. One more reason I’m going to go ahead and finish that food from the funeral. And I can hope that I don’t hear from your grandparents for a while. All that’s taking me away, B. That’s how I lost you, B. Holding my breath boy

Barely. Forgetting. And not wanting to breathe. Being around people B III. It’s like I don’t have the right to be alive. I want to be so small. But you are my world, a god, and even a titan. And on today of all days, I remember carrying you dying. The smell of my failure. All I need is the air that I breathe. And if that meant I could keep you alive without pain. If I had to carry you around to keep you with me, B. I wouldn’t mind at all. Not ever. Always and forever, that smell I couldn’t put my finger on, holding you. Those McDonald’s fries you loved. Braxton, you’re my reason to breathe… and smell. Breathe, Virgil And B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 215 ~Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose~

WillLeave a comment

Well, I finally fell asleep at 2:00 in the morning. So after waking up at 4:00 AM, blotting my eyes. After some bed antics, and reading a book, I’m ready to go. Um, a shower? Hasn’t been helping much lately, and “Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose.”

Wednesday, February 1, 2023

Saga 215 ~Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now; only you don’t know. I stink… sure. My writing sucks… ok; my son is dead, yep.

My Braxton is dead. And January 31, 2021, is the worst day, next to E-Day. But what about my granddaddy? Am I still going on about that? Not his death but yeah, humiliations galore like moi exist everywhere. And not only in my Day Job. I should have went Echo. Instead, I decided to stink up the funeral worse than a corpse. That’s pretty harsh against someone I don’t even know. Anyway, I got to get a new deodorant, Inspector. Whatever I got, I don’t know when. Well, it’s not working, and I have been stinking up joints royally. Hell! Is this my form of penance, confessing this shit? I’m sure my Ma was awfully embarrassed. And “What’s My Age Again?” Thirty-eight. And everyone else…

If only I could be as unknown as I am on Twitter. And Facebook, it looks like, but then yesterday. Um, like going on a week or so now. I’ve been losing people everywhere, Echo. Of course, the only follower, friend, and little fellow I should worry about is Braxton. What about Virgil, you ask? I didn’t hang out with him yesterday. Again, I’m a meanie. Or I didn’t want to deal with all the humiliation, shame, and guilt. If you want to know why I’m so late talking to you today. 9:05 in the morning. I was busy reading Inspector… Come on! That’s not a lie. I’m 60% into “The Book Eaters.” But I’m also a breast man. With two of my friends… Turned-on?

And I’m wondering why people are leaving in droves. All I think about… “Get Naked!” It’s either that or my little boy. And no, I don’t mean my “Enormous Penis….” Ok, Inspector, I’ll stop. With today being February 1, I should have plenty of respect Inspector. Talking to M Anime yesterday. A particular image she laid out would have me sprung. Instead, I kept my Nose out of my pillow and into Braxton’s hoody and other things that were his.

Oh, along with myself. I swear, after granddaddy’s funeral, I thought I caught COVID-19. Inspector, as the song goes, “I’m still alive.” The songs that Braxton begs me listen to. Inspector, he’s always and forever in my business… and heart. Plus, he doesn’t mind the smell… Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose

731 Days Without B III, Day 172 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 214 ~To B, Loved Again~

WillLeave a comment

Ain’t no woman like the one I got… Blowing her off to spend time with my son. Braxton died today 2 years ago, at 15. He was 13 days shy of his birthday. To lose such a love… All the women in the world… I’m sorry. I want my boy back To B, Loved Again.

Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Saga 214 ~To B, Loved Again~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now… No! Scratch That! Leave Me Alone! Not Today, Please! Fuck!

(walks to Braxton’s old/new room)

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Good day… Last time I ever said that to you was Saturday, January 30, 2021. I should have starved. I’m sorry… Geez! Bad choice of words. I wanted to apologize for yelling at your stepmom; ok. But today, Braxton Barks Bradford. What? Today is our day, your day, the day? I don’t know how to say it. Like the vet’s office? If I were a good man, a great daddy, I’d head up to Banfield today. I would ask to sit on that bench for but a few minutes. Waiting, knowing, and yet I was hoping to. I had to. “He’s My Son!” I wanted to yell at those ladies, the vets, the whole damn world!

And I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. How many times have I said that, Braxton? It never stops. Two years. Always and forever. Look at where I’m standing? What was it I read about Enshrinement? Braxton Barks Bradford… Whatever, you’ll always be here. Only how many apologies do I have? There’s Never Enough. I’m sorry about this week. What about the last week you were alive? I had so many plans for what today might be like, Braxton. I would have been better off joining you the day you died. Too damn easy. I’m sorry for talking to you today… It’s Sunday, January 29, 2023. You were dying. Braxton, that was on a Friday in 2021, but you know that. Triple B, I love you

Always and forever! B III, nothing turned out right, then or now. This second anniversary. Who knows? I could get lucky, and my “father” could kill me Monday. Funeral… Ironic. If I wanted to die, why not blow off your great-granddaddy’s funeral. Making money? To think I believed the old Day Job was my punishment, my damnation, and indifference. No, Braxton. Losing you and having to suffer with living relatives and what about, um… I ain’t mentioning him today. I want to sit on our loveseat and watch movies. Barbecue? Braxton, that was my first meal without you. That night, “I’ll never be loved again.” Braxton, you have to know, You Were Loved. You are loved. I once was. I am… To B, Loved Again

730 Days Without B III, Day 171 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 212 ~B The Man Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton Barks was not reincarnated as Virgil Vivi. Only something I need to remind myself of often. If I was ever reincarnated, I’d want to come back as a virus. Being a “man.” Having to honor a man I don’t know. And then Tuesday… “B The Man Virgil.”

Sunday, January 29, 2023

Saga 212 ~B The Man Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I can’t teach you to become one. What about the first thing in becoming a man?

A mistake? And no, I don’t mean getting up at 4:50AM. Damn, Royal Rumble! If anything, it’s getting up at all. Your luck is as shitty as mine. Worse? You’ll have to deal with it. Now, if you want some advice… remember that no matter what happens tomorrow, Tuesday will be worse. What the fuck kind of advice is that? What’s with all the language? It’s either snoring, crying, screaming, or moaning. Breathing sucks, alright. As I said, waking up was a pretty big mistake. Blowing off work, talking to Ma, and all these other words. Every single noise. Hell! You’re longing for the silence, which is Braxton being gone. And then there’s Virgil beside you, sleeping away. A mistake? Like missing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Grieving the Loss of a Fur Baby by Becky Connellan
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (Soon)
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 022 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 029 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Or becoming a monster? The things that you should have on this list. Anything doable. Like again, being this meanie, this monster, or a murderer? The dreams of January 31st. More like a nightmare. To think you would feel better at the Day Job, then, well… Funerals aren’t supposed to make people feel better… Your granddaddy’s won’t. The horror, the horror. You only want to vomit. And that’s not the energy drink talking. Such is fear. Someone said that behind every fear is the person you want to become. Deadman? Because only a monster would hurt his Ma, kill his furry son, and think about… well, everything the way you do. If only things could go back to normal, Braxton, Day Job, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 029 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because being a Daddy. Being the man? It’s the one sentiment we share. Manhood, fatherhood. You are not Virgil’s father. Didn’t I say, sometime this month, I’d read “A Different Alchemy” again? It’s all about a father losing his son. Like I haven’t got enough. Between The Last of Us and The Book Eaters. Devon hasn’t lost Cai… just starting. Fucking ironic that the reason you have to deal with Monday, fucking fearing your father. Your Ma lost her father. A man you feel nothing for. And is fucking you up beyond the grave. I swear, I hate you, and you hate me, but people in general. Being a Misanthrope. Then there’s Braxton. The best man you’ve ever known. Son, dog. B The Man Virgil

728 Days Without B III, Day 169 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 209 ~Death, B Not Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I didn’t sign up for this… stuff. But in 2021, on the 31st of this month, I signed the paperwork to end my son’s life. I swear he gave me a look that said, “Daddy, can we go home?” And now 2023, I got a call from “home.” Death… “Death, B Not Virgil.”

Thursday, January 26, 2023

Saga 209 ~Death, B Not Virgil~

725 Days Without B III, Day 166 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Well, I’m still breathing. So is Virgil. My “granddaddy,” your great-grandfather, not so much today.

I didn’t sign up for this shit. Being born, Braxton. I know you’ll hate me saying this, but it was the second worse day of this existence. If I had a choice B III to do it all over again… I didn’t sign up to be your daddy, either. I’m 38, and you were the greatest love of what I wish I could say is “my life.” It was the greatest honor to be your Dad, Braxton. I mean that B. I didn’t sign up to kill you… Well, no. There was actual paperwork involved in that, I remember. Sings out… “(Remember who you are) I remember (Remember what you did to him).” At this rate, I’ll have to do it again. Only Virgil’s 2.

You know he’s okay, Braxton. Starts singing again… “Lift me up. Hold me down. Keep me close. Safe and sound.” That’s Little Virgil, Rihanna, you know what I mean, Braxton. One more reason I wish you were around. Because I have no idea. Today’s thoughts… When I was leaving and listening to Virgil cry, I couldn’t help but think. Betrayal. Treachery. For the record, that’s the difference between you and him B. Looked it up. Betrayal is violating loyalty, love, and your very life. Treachery’s the same but without any loyalty. Anyway. As I listened to Virgil, I thought of you and said, “fucking ninth circle.” Then there was the text about your great-grandfather. Your grandma is who I’m worried about. And what about me?

The third thought of the day. As I was leaving the Day Job, I read this flyer saying something like, “It’s okay to talk about suicide.” Do you remember when your great-grandma died? It was the day your grandfather kicked me out. Hell! I deserved that, given my age. It was the longest we were apart, Triple B. It was around 2 months. Terrible! Braxton, there came your Aunt’s wedding, which was about 5 days as I went to see her, which wasn’t bad at all. And now here we are 725 days, almost 2 years. Gospel 209 ~ Will’s Yearly Eye Exam~. I couldn’t see how sick you were getting? How do I feel about my granddaddy? RIP. Virgil’s life? Death, B Not Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad