Tag: Afraid

Saga 331 ~B A Secret Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m full of secrets, yet didn’t I say something about anonymity last week. I don’t like anybody talking about me, and that includes myself. I’m not someone to trust, yet here I am, being “transparent.” Such GOP ideology. “B A Secret Virgil”

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Saga 331 ~B A Secret Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. While you’ve become “Secret Agent Man.” One of the “Men In Black.” Or the “Snake Eater,” SIGH.

You wish… Yeah! That you could rip your damn dick off for wasting more money. Oh, and speaking of eating, what will that consist of today? Starving yourself on purpose. Been there, done that, but no. May Virgil never have to see that. Braxton did. One of the few times I was a lousy dog… friend, father, fellow, whatever. B had dirty water, and why? Oh, back then, I was too busy trying to… ok, you’re a big boy. So you can hear the words. But seeing as how you don’t need the cops at the door. I was trying to die back then, dammit. And every day, uh, these last few… You wish I had succeeded and why. Besides Braxton and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Secrets! My failing and yours aren’t. Hell! How many times did you wake up this morning only to go back to bed, and why? It’s not like you can keep yourself from the world you know. However, that is the plan if you ever make it. You’re sitting in bed… First, you woke up as punishment to reset the alarms because of your wayward dick. Around 1:00AM, you woke up because you wanted to simp for Cherry. It’s her birthday. At 4:00AM, perfect, you said you’d wake up at 4:30 and then 5:00. And when it was approaching 6:00, you got up. Why? First, there was The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. Then came The Cherry Collision. Now The Pic Phenomenon. Won’t help Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls by Eric Vall
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At this very moment, you’re failing #6 because of how ashamed you are. How asinine your desires are. And how much of an asshole you’re being. Have you been called out on it yet? Not in so many words. Only look at what I’ve done and what you’ll do. Goodness! Not when she turns her back on you. Trust me, the mirror, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” How many friends have I talked to last week? I only need one hand and not even all of the fingers. It Doesn’t Matter… My advice? Don’t go walking around with your dick in your hand. Now that should be a secret. But your heart remains broken in all this. Existence? B A Secret Virgil.

847 Days Without B III, Day 288 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I should go to confession. I’m not as bad as the Catholics. Who am I to judge? I’ve got all my sins, which B would hear about. The worse would be in my sleep. If I do talk in my sleep. But awake and scared now. “Troubles To B, Virgil.”

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

844 Days Without B III, Day 285 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I have been awake all day. Both the Day Job and Time Travel. Why Daddy?

That was the last question you ever asked me. I know it’s stolen from Angel “A Hole In The World.” And can we not talk about stealing today? I was so close to paying. Criminality? Even now, I can see the look you would give me. That “Are you serious, Dad” vibe. As serious as when I watched you die. And I heard you, “Please, Daddy. Why can’t I stay?” Anytime I get sick to my stomach over the crimes I commit. I remember you. “I killed you.” Either nobody believes me, or they don’t give a damn. As Coriolanus Snow put it, “At the moment, anonymity was a condition greatly to be desired.” That explains why I’m here today. Hoping I can hide, Braxton…

More to the point, my troubles couldn’t find me as I lay here as the song goes. “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” No! Braxton, you had guard duty. My prince. And would that make me a fearful king? You’ll hate me for saying this, Braxton. “No, never!” I can hear you, Braxton. Your words, ha-ha, go in and out, but I am trying B III. Anyway, AHEM, short of your death and my birth, my greatest crime is… surprise, FEAR. When I was but a boy, I was sent to juvenile detention. Humans suck B, but you know that. There are more walls, bars, and guards every day of existence. For me or others, Braxton. “All Eyez on Me,” hmm?

But I’m not Tupac. And, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” The two of us were trying to play each other’s savior. To think about the weeks leading to your death, I thought, “I’m so screwed.” You know. I remember to take notes when being “REAL STUPID. “That’s how you know you fucked up.” Add Thursday, May 18, 2023, to the list. I haven’t even given it a name yet. But yet again, it involves sticking this dick in crazy. Hell! I wonder if I will be here. Always fearful. Anything else? Well, I thought the air conditioner had fucked up again. The damn filter. You know what your granddad would say, more like do. I deserve it, but not over that, I know. Sinful Stupidity. That’s my new genre. Troubles To B, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 324 ~Forget B Nots Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I drank more… or at all. But you can ask Braxton’s Aunt about that. One glass of wine, and I was done. Everything is or was a blur. Seems that way for all addictions. Alcohol, Areolas, and America. But I’ll never forget B. Forget B Nots Virgil

Sunday, May 21, 2023

Saga 324 ~Forget B Nots Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But can you even remember what you want to do with your life? Excuse me, your existence.

Noted. You’re only six hours into it and “trying.” Hell! I had most of the week, and what did I do with it? Do you want the truth? It’d be better if I shut up. Start fresh… Inevitable. It’s like thinking of Braxton. Your dog. You dying. And your effing dong. As the song “Every morning when I wake up…” What? Will you start today differently? You want my advice. No! That’s faster than one of my nephews rejecting to see pictures of Virgil. The things you want to forget. How you STUNK at Granddaddy’s funeral. Trying to be helpful? Or that chocolate cake you left sitting in the fridge forever. Can we not talk about food and the man wasting away? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING All Tied Up by Imogen Linn
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 004 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

You, of course, know what one of those things should be, with how I’ve been effing up number 4 plenty. And for you… it’s like when people watch those killers on TV. Well, I’m no killer. See, that right there! Did you forget the crime you committed the original sin? Braxton is dead! Only yesterday morning when I called out to him. I effing forgot. Medications. B takes one every twelve hours and the other every twenty-four. Three pills a day. And there I was, trying to read the long faded labels remembering such failure. That might explain the other crime I was doing. I’m glad you have Virgil sleeping at the foot of the bed. You see him. As for me. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

It’s all been a blur. And I mean worse than Japanese porn. And no, you don’t have any racist connotations to that. You mean in general. Or should you say genitals? Stop for a second, will you? This week you will do far worse. Morning? Again, you forget what happened to Braxton, right? You’re imagining all the sins that are out there. Last night, I even looked up such a person who effed up to try and remind myself not to do those things ever. Hell! All you have to do is look in the mirror. One more reason to miss B III’s eyes, hmm. He always saw you as better. And Virgil? Wondering why he sleeps like you. In dreams, Forget B Nots Virgil.

840 Days Without B III, Day 281 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 321 ~Virgil, Will, Can’t B…~

WillLeave a comment

A bad day… um, evening to today. Over 12 hours. Not in a Daniel Porter sort of way. Think Fuel Bad Day meets Jennifer Lawrence “The Hanging Tree.” Without my B, the world is a sadder, more maddening, and “bad” place. Or it’s me? Virgil, Will, Can’t B

Thursday, May 18, 2023

Saga 321 ~Virgil, Will, Can’t B…~

837 Days Without B III, Day 278 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I don’t feel right from last night to now, Braxton. (Sigh). Existence is a bitch.

It’s sad above all else Triple B. Nowhere near Life unless we’re talking about that song “New Day.” Something you and your grandma have in common… “I want to take this time to thank you. Even though I’m doing Life.” Death appears luxurious, my friend. What the eff do I know, right? I took your Life from you. Uh, there’s V and so much more. There are books, bank accounts, boobs, and this blog. And there’s always you, Braxton Barks. You and me always and forever. But I was close to joining you. Effing books. There’s no telling what set me off in “The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.” I haven’t read all of it, but I am trying. Honest, I don’t want to anymore.

And I’m mad about it. I mean, not about the book. But I am getting those “Stroke of Midnight” and “Blackout: A Thriller” vibes. You were here for the former. One more thing to be mad about. The only thing. You’re not here, and that’s my fault. I failed you. Braxton, what else is there to be mad about? I should focus more on you than on books. You’re not Lady Sophia, I know. But your Dad is always trying to figure out how I effed up. And, as I said, I was… Well, indifferent all day yesterday. Then, “The Hanging Tree” was on repeat for hours. “They strung up a man, they say, who murdered three.” You, me, and whoever I could be. Being a Father not included anymore…

Because I’m bad. And not in a Michael Jackson sort of way. I’m a dog-murdering scumbag. That’s harsh of me. Your grandma used that term after her sister, my aunt, was killed. But that’s neither here nor there. What? Braxton, I’m thinking of your great-granddaddy. Everything that went wrong with ME that day. Hell! What about last night? I’m late. Braxton, it’s because I was talking to your could-be stepmom. Have you seen Mr. Shadow B? M Anime lost her cat, and what did I do in my infinite wisdom? I’m ashamed of myself, Mr. B. If Virgil weren’t here, I swear. If I didn’t believe “He Lives In You.” You being you, B III. Virgil deserves to live. I can’t be dead… Sad, mad, bad? Virgil, Will, Can’t B…

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 317 ~Mommy, B III, Vivi…~

WillLeave a comment

Think Mom. The fact that I even remembered and that’s because I hung signs at the Day Job. And if mom had a chance to rethink it… uh, that would be another conversation. My sister should be an only child… But my worries today? Mommy, B III, Vivi

Sunday, May 14, 2023

Saga 317 ~Mommy, B III, Vivi…~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, so it’s all about me. What about you? Always the selfish prick. There’s Ma, Braxton, Virgil Vivi…

What is a list of your priorities? What about a list of your loves? V’s not there yet. Ouch! Okay, um, start over… Today is Mother’s Day. That’s the truth you can hold on to. Millionaires and Billionaires take care of their Olds. Something else you need to look up. Oh, that’s right; what have you been looking up today? I know this is so “freaking” hard right now. For the love of everything, will you stop for a sec? Take a deep breath. Hmm… It’s Mother’s Day, and as the song goes, “I’ll Always Love My Mama.” Facts, thankfully. But what else can you say about your Ma? Besides her paying some, if not all, of your bills, sigh… List? Like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Mesmerizing Caroline – The Contract (Erotica)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 128 No Fap)* Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

As I said, plain selfish. But wasn’t I yesterday? Last night as I sat meditating, I was told to think positively about a good friend. My effing mind didn’t think of B or V. Friend? Anyway, it wasn’t my Ma either. Only it was a mom. Braxton’s Aunt Carolina. Great. Now what about that list? There’s your Ma, Braxton’s Aunt, and your sister. Not to mention all the other moms you know from one place or another. Facebook, Instagram… Onlyfans? Yes, you’re going to get to that. If only you had the time. Your Ma had time for you, hmm? There’s something pretty effed up you wanted to say, but not today. You’re here, alive. But what does that mean? For her? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING (Determining)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You owe your Ma. So tell yourself the truth. Where is all of your money, moments, and manhood going? At least your sister gave her grandchildren. What was Braxton? Family. And even now, the only family you’re concerned with is a plethora of MILFS. Today? Please! There’s been one in a video here or there. Uh… But it’s been about women you want to make mothers. Breeding has never been an all-consuming fetish of yours. You should save this conversation for another time, but still. Gifts for mothers, particularly yours? What about the truth? That’s what’s bothering you this morning. Cherry doesn’t want motherhood and now knows you’re STUPID. Eurovision? Where’s B III’s Aunt today? And M Anime? Happy Mother’s Day. Mommy, B III, Vivi…

833 Days Without B III, Day 274 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 314 ~ B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words… Well, adults lie? And here I am, trying my hand at “adulting.” But I’m like a bully. Words. They may cost me the girl. Make V not trust me. And make me sing, I Hate Everyone. B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil.

Thursday, May 11, 2023

Saga 314 ~ B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil~

830 Days Without B III, Day 271 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Those words never change. Names and letters? Did I ever say anything to hurt you?

Of course, I did. And I’m still paying for it 823 days later. However, we are talking on Sunday, May 7, 2023. You know what that means. Sad to say, Braxton, this week is gonna suck. Not as much as most, but still. Anytime I have to breathe. Meditation Braxton, always. Well, at least for a month and some change. And you don’t like when I talk about, let’s say, shedding the mortal coil. At least I do speak to you. Talking to Virgil… freeloader, fatty. I need to stop with names like that. Hell! I’m not sure he even knows “his name.” Who am I, a slave master? And I would call you a little douche. All the time, B III. Looking it up…

Anyway, I need to talk to Virgil more. Even today, he’s been hanging out in your room all by his lonesome. Do I need more reasons to miss you? I would wear a groove in the loveseat working. I’m surprised your pillow held up as long as it did waiting, Braxton, waiting until I had all the time in the world for you? Last week it was all about your Aunt. I told you it was her birthday. The only thing she’s measuring is alcohol intake. Your dad has no such luxury. I wish I did. Only you know I’m much worse. Why V is alone. The lies we tell our children. I should have let you be a dad. You remember our walks. People…

Hell! Every footstep is heavier now. It’s like I walk a little except for, you guessed it, the Day Job. My pockets would have been fatter with everyone wanting to buy you or have you breed. Only Virgil won’t have such problems. Ball-less, barkless, except for his bawling anytime I leave. You know I was about to say “it.” Like father, like son. I’m still crying over you. But I don’t think I’ve shed any tears this Sunday. The heart, head, and balls are all heavy. Though I’d ask you to keep that last one to yourself. But your Aunt. So nice. And I continue thinking about what M Anime said. Can’t say something nice… I’ll try with Virgil, Braxton. Promise? B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 310 ~I’ll B Listening, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I could tell everyone at the Day Job. When B barked, cried, and even the click clacks of his nails on the floor. He was helping me out. People make noise to make noise. Then there’s Virgil, who doesn’t make a sound. “I’ll B Listening, Virgil.”

Sunday, May 7, 2023

Saga 310 ~I’ll B Listening, Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. I need you to hear me on this. Alas, I don’t have boobs. You don’t have balls.

Like father, like son. But V is not your son. Now, B III? Are you listening to him at all? God! You hope not. Considering; the first thing you heard this morning was Zero 7’s song, “Destiny.” And Rock-A-Bye by Black Buddafly. One of these things is not like the others. Destiny, though… any song that mentions porn gets your vote immediately. No wonder B hasn’t been around besides being dead and all. I mentioned effing up on the 30th. It could be worse. I’ve often said I’m a Pop Culture Whore. As you will be. Unless it comes to The Coronation of Charles III and Camilla. The Kentucky Derby, and even WWE Backlash. There’s been so much noise this week; with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Mesmerizing Caroline, The Society (BDSM Erotica)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 121 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 128 No Fap)*
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failing to do them once again. When was the last time you heard the sound of success and victory? When was the last time somebody called you a winner? You need time. Hell! You were up on time this morning, and what did you do? Don’t be like me. That’s my advice. And there’s another F-Word you should try to avoid. You won’t put it into the universe, but it involves the Day Job. This week won’t be so bad… But you need to write. Fuck! Yeah. I’ve been trying to avoid that word. And you should too. But you’re a big boy, according to Carolina Bound. As the song goes, “I take a look at my enormous penis,” ha. Bigger than, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined (Mesmerizing Caroline series?)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 128 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because speaking of fucking, that’s one of the things you’re most concerned with, isn’t it. Always. Friend, when the girl you wanted to fuck, doesn’t want to fuck you anymore… As the song goes, “That’s how you know you fucked up.” Accept my apology. Never? Hell! You won’t find out this week, given her track record. But I am sorry I screwed this up for you. Racism is more noise you don’t need. So instead, you’ll be listening to what? I count four songs so far. And what were you beating off to this morning before you went back to sleep? Azura Skye and Alyson Hannigan from Buffy, Conversations With Dead People. That’s how I feel talking to you. But Braxton? I’ll B Listening, Virgil.

826 Days Without B III, Day 267 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 307 ~Virgil’s Sitting Where B~

WillLeave a comment

“Come on in, (girl), sit on down, and tell me ’bout yourself. So, you like my (Daddy), do you now? I think (he’s) something else.” B barking Rodney Atkins. To think my loveseat wasn’t a casting couch, but I found love once. “Virgil’s Sitting Where B”

Thursday, May 4, 2023

Saga 307 ~Virgil’s Sitting Where B~

823 Days Without B III, Day 264 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If you find the time, could you and your Aunt Carolina’s kids say Happy Birthday?

I still feel so gross B. There’s the belief… Hell! Damn, near a fact that I’m sick. The things I do when you ain’t around. And to think I warned you about, um, some things. Manly huh? Braxton Barks, it could be that I’m acknowledging you being in “Heaven” or on The Rainbow Bridge. Never! It’s Sunday, April 30, 2023, and I called out “Medicine Time.” And, yeah, there’s the idea, if you are gone, that you met your Aunt’s kids in Heaven. Today as in, May being her birthday and all. How about Star Wars Day? Your Aunt’s pissed… But me being the selfish bastard I am… Like most days, I wish I was a ghost… to join you. Remember sitting on the loveseat?

B, you’re watching over me, worrying, waiting; for what I don’t know. Live, Laugh, Love? Please! That is a book I’m never reading. And the books that I got in my own time, B III. Time? Again there was Medicine Time, Outside, Sleepy, and many others I know. The one that gets to me the most is Dying Time… I was sitting on an orange bench as the vet told me she could do nothing. Then there I was on another one watching you die. You got to lie in your bed, at least. Is there any wonder I want to stay in bed always? Well, besides being sick, of course. And then there’s 2V, B. Writing this afternoon, from where? The Dining Room. Shocker!

Because the bed is a sad place, even when there’s a woman there now. Ha-Ha! It wasn’t many of those when you were here. And after? Your Daddy is a sick man. A bad one… And I keep saying it. Having V lying on my leg or sitting at your guard post, B III. No! Why not go back to the loveseat, you say? You know I am never happy but to get so close. It was lying with you. I would read, and you would sleep, and that was us, you and me, B. There was watching movies with your Aunt. Remember when you finally let her in, B? The power of boobs. A few books, free Meditation, the Freeloader. Virgil’s Sitting Where B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 303 ~Virgil, We’ll B Spending~

WillLeave a comment

I didn’t buy the loveseat in the Den. I bought 99% of the food I’ve eaten there. All the movies I watched with B and Carolina and the hot maid. Paid for every book read there. And the adoption fee for Virgil. Am I broke yet? Virgil, We’ll B Spending.

Sunday, April 30, 2023

Saga 303 ~Virgil, We’ll B Spending~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have plenty of women, a wife. Uh, “whores,” (I like alliteration)! You have Virgil.

Poor Virgil. Or should I say poor you? Not that I can blame you at all. Hell! You may have already failed several of those Six Impossible Things, and it’s only 9:00 AM -for real. I’m the one that wrote down that list… of books. You’re the one that spent three hours buying them. Ok, so I lied. We can both take the heat on this one. But getting up. Everywhere, everything, every time, there is FEAR. It’s the only reason you saw 5:00 AM. Oh! And if this was the Day Job? That’s why you have a lot of writing to do. Swear It! Nope! I’d say do it for Virgil. You’ll spend more time crying about Braxton. Because again, these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pet Grief: How to Cope Before And After by Jackie Weaver
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 114 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 121 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

They might as well be lies. Let’s call them fiction, which again brings to mind all the books you bought today. Around thirty bucks worth. Even more? Eight books in total. I’d ask, are you crazy? But of course, you are. It would be well worth it to spend time with Triple B once more. Although only two or three are suitable for little ones. B III was grown ok. Hunger Games, dead fur babies, sex, eating people, wisdom, pornography, coitus, intercourse. At least Virgil Vivi can say he was by my side when I went shopping. Not for him. Do you want to spend more time with him, since you don’t have money to go anywhere for a while? Work on, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Mesmerizing Caroline, The Society (BDSM Erotica)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 121 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At the very least, you could spend time on the loveseat instead of in bed. I was only in the Den to meditate these last few days. Is that so I can find peace or get away from Virgil? You’re working at the dining room table, so you’re thinking… Both. How so? Yesterday when I was leaving, I had to yell at him for all his howling. He didn’t want me to go. But isn’t that what you’re doing, though? When it comes to Braxton? Going all, Stay With Me? You’ll have to try singing to V. Or at least using his name. Would it help? B III is gone. And Virgil someday… Yourself? Not soon enough to find B. Guess, Virgil, We’ll B Spending

819 Days Without B III, Day 260 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 300 ~To B Alive, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“What is real? How do you define ‘real’?” Um, sorry, Morpheus, but what is living? How do you define living? The way I figure, wife and children (two-legged). “My business?” “Cash rules everything around me.” Fame, fortune? My son. To B Alive, Virgil

Thursday, April 27, 2023

Saga 300 ~To B Alive, Virgil~

816 Days Without B III, Day 257 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How about this question, B? What do you want to be when you grow up?

Big! Final answer? No. January 31st, on that day, your answer would have been, “Take me home.” And you would be my son, and that’s all that mattered to you. Afterward… whatever. Instead, in your bed, you asked me a question. Drugged, dying… “Why can’t I stay?” Braxton, I should do some more reading. “Pet Grief: How to Cope Before and After?” Yeah, I never read that stuff when you were around. Of course. Always and forever. Braxton, I was reading last night. The book discussed how I should replace the video of your death with “happier” memories in “my mind.” So as I risked life and limb today, I sat in the car and thought. You’re always riding with me. The pendant I wear…

Then I thought about Virgil sitting in your spots—the passenger side of your best friend’s ride. There’s him on the bed. And there’s your room. Your pillow Braxton. Dammit. Months later, and I’m still pissed about that. But Virgil’s petrified. Am I that bad… Thursday, I’m your Dad. 300 days of the Saga I continue to be. That is all and nothing more. Well, a pervert that wanted to eff the woman I was working with. Besides the point. As I keep saying. Most days I want to join you. Hell! All days. You won’t like this, but you have something in common with your granddad. Him living, you being dead B life sucks! Virgil feels the same way about me and him, sure.

Virgil is the life I should be worried about. He did well at his appointment. But with all the money I’m about to lose this week. Let’s start with forgetting to pick up any dinner. Don’t worry, you would have got your fries, or Virgil did. The little freeloader. Stopping! Anyway, I wish being broke was the only bad news. But it’s not like reading good news is doing me favors. Braxton, it’s like fate, karma; the universe can’t decide. You got me through 2020, Braxton. Now if it isn’t, the world is going to Hell; it’s all those angels I talked about with Echo. And today I saw Tobe Nwigwe got in a movie. Again I’m proud. But Braxton, I’m wasting “my life” existence… Alive? To B Alive, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad