Tag: B III

Chronicle 351 ~B On The Clock~

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Sleep, nature’s call, back to bed, yabbos, a few more minutes gaming, music, YouTube, nap, and then hearing a noise. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I wasted four hours from 4:00 to 8:00. B wouldn’t have ever allowed it. “B On The Clock.”

Friday, June 17, 2022

Chronicle 351 ~B On The Clock~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so am I still waking up at 4:00 AM? How about 3:00? Well, B ain’t here.

Is that why “Every Day Is Exactly The Same,” Sophia. The fact that I feel like an “Every Day Normal Guy 2?” It’s strange wanting to stick to a routine and, at the same time. You know, a phrase like (another day) pisses me off. I’ll never forget such indifference. It’s how B died, after all. The fact that B was always there. And I took that for granted. But I could look to him at the foot of the bed, and it would be a new beginning Sophia. Braxton would begin running all over my face to go walking by seeing the light outside. And when he left, time seemed to stop, but here I am and what now 502 days. And the time…

I wish I could remember a time I wasn’t hurting. Hell! All our conversations are based on a time I was hurt. What four years ago? And what have I learned since then, Sophia? Nada. But we’ll get into that in a bit. Me and my fucking fetish for brunettes. All Yabbos in truth. But if you had seen me earlier. Here’s a hint “American Beauty.” Then again, um, UK. The only way time doesn’t seem so HARD is when I’m sleeping, and you know what I want to say. I wish I could sleep… and I won’t finish that idea. Dangerous Words; written down. Speaking of which, shouldn’t I be working on my novel? Well, B III’s novel, really. Maybe he understands my reluctance.

I hate myself, Lady Sophia. When I miss filling his water bowl. Or calling him down for his medicine sometimes. And here I thought I was lifting him up. “It’s Not Putting Me Down It’s Lifting Me Up,” as the book goes. I didn’t trust Braxton was looking down on me this morning. Sophia, that’s why I was in the drawer this morning reaching for, as the kids say, the gat, heat, strap, whatever. Vey wrong choice of words but, as always, Republican tendencies. Guns! Morning officially started after checking the doors. I heard a noise. Triple B waking me? And I wonder where he is now if he’s already reincarnated and is waiting, Sophia. Inevitably with my luck, it will take god knows how long. B On The Clock

Gospel 351 ~A B Plus Effort~

502 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 350 ~Think B For Buying~

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Yard supplies and frilly stuff I’ll never wear. But B’s mom might, $80.00. A trip to the doctor’s office for antibiotics? $175. To get a dog that’s not my kid, another $175.00. To have my son back? When I’m a billionaire? Still, “Think B For Buying.”

Thursday, June 16, 2022

Chronicle 350 ~Think B For Buying~

501 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I could make it better if I brought fries. Why walk when we could eat.

But I will walk if everything works out Saturday… Ok, maybe Monday? Hell! With the money I spent, I should have gone ahead and bought that pendant. Yard or necklace? Braxton, You’d prefer the grass not poking your wanger than something for me to wear or not, right? I’m sure you would choose life over memorials. “Running Up That Hill.” “And if I only could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get him to swap our places.” Sold. Especially in times like these. When I’m lying here, lacking the strength to even sit up and talk to you. So yeah, like old times. I doubt the promise of even Amazon shopping and having to get my wallet will get me out the bed.

Oh, but the words B, all the words. “Do It For Braxton, Always.” Or what about “You’re my boy. I’ll always protect you.” I didn’t do much of either. So why buy the lie, right? There’s so much I wanted to buy you. B. Um, you deserved a big yard to play in B III. While I’m busy buying lingerie, Couldn’t I find you a mom to wear such things? Yup, I’m upset about yesterday, letting my libido get in the way of good sense. If you were here, B. I bought all that yard stuff because I want to reclaim your territory. It’s more like facing embarrassment from the neighbors. Without you around, kids are losing things in the yard. Get off my yard.

Why don’t I finish the old man motif and go to the doctor’s office again and fetch some antibiotics or something? Camp NaNoWriMo is coming up, and I’m sick of buying into the Day Job. I spend money and time on a life I can’t stand. You at least made it bearable, B, and how much did I invest in you? I’d do better in keeping myself alive for sure. Nothing is stopping me from doing something today. Since we’ve been talking, I even made it to a sitting position. New pillows? And you know I’m not doing energy drinks again. What would I do with all your old stuff if I found you or another? Shopping Spree! Anything and Everything. Think B For Buying

Gospel 350 ~Be Free Of Cures~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

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Last time I saw a doc was for my ear. B got annual checkups and then some. An occasional tick. Checking his heart. I’ve needed to see a doctor since Jan 11, 2022. Um, I needed one on Feb 1, 2021. 500 days ago, my first day without B. When Docs B III.

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s always a doctor in the house. I know I could use one today.

Hell! I could have used one 500 days ago. Didn’t I? No, I didn’t start counting until Monday, February 1, 2021. Why do I feel this is a milestone for some reason? 500 days ok. 500 days since my B went away? Passed away. Was put to sleep. Euthanized. Murdered. Call it whatever you want, Inspector. The moment I “know” I crossed the line, I remember. I’ve already done the worst thing I’ll ever do in this life. I don’t have any medical degree, and yet I made the decision. Even if I found myself a Dr. Frankenstein somewhere. Inspector, Tupac had it right… “Bury me in pieces ’cause they fear reincarnation.” I have “The Box” to my left, but I believe Braxton will return.

I need to get my head checked. And off the top of my head, I can give three big reasons. First and foremost is B III. I’ll keep saying it, I’m at 500 days of mourning. How many books have I read suggesting a support group, and now I’m thinking of taking a look. Ha. The second is being a boy in a man’s body. I got nothing but the warm and fuzzies for the LGBTQ community. But I still speak like a child as if looking at the adults. And I love big tits. That leads me to the third thing, which is sex and why I’m late talking to you. Only by a few minutes, but I woke up at 4:00 AM. Now!

Yeah, it’s 6:20 AM. So I wasted two hours. I wish I could say it was that other thing I need to see a doctor for. It was “easy” to go and get my ear checked out. Only the money. Inspector, that’s my greatest shame. When Triple B needed to go to the vet, I waited. It was the “wealth,” going to work, wanting everything, and it cost me everything. And when he finally saw the vet… Yes, that is my failure and my disgrace. I never blamed the vet. Who knows what damage I’ve done to my body not seeing a doctor. And as the song goes, “Where Is My Mind?” Braxton was my remedy. And finding another cure, Echo? When Docs B III

Gospel 349 ~B Leaves The Fix~

500 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 348 ~B Needing A Vacation~

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I’m going to Disneyland… Disney World as a kid. Now I want to do a brothel tour or go to the AEE. The last time I left to go anywhere was B’s Aunt’s wedding, which was a lot of driving. But a life I don’t need a vacation from? “B Needing A Vacation.”

Tuesday, June 14, 2022

Chronicle 348 ~B Needing A Vacation~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I’ve seen a lot of the world. But there’s no place like home.

Or wherever it is, Triple B landed. Has he come back yet? I swear the only vacation I took before you was when I was a child with my Olds and little sister. I left on a road trip once all alone to go to Braxton’s Aunt’s wedding. I meant to bring him along, but it was “The Distance?” Next to being thrown out by my Olds… (I was too old true) that time apart? Five or six days was the longest time for Braxton and me. I didn’t need a vacation away from my son? I sound like one of those crazy parents, don’t I? Braxton brought such peace. Only you want me to get away from my grief for a while. I can’t

Hell! Take a look around. I’ve dedicated my life to creating a life from which I never have to run away. I’m with a woman that takes me to Heaven. Children, the joys of fatherhood. I wanted a business that makes me want to wake up every morning. Do what you love “THEY,” say? They come here, read my stories, by my stuff as their vacations, and I don’t blame them. I remember when vacation was on the island of a bed. The floor is lava indeed. Sloth is one of my sins, below Lust, Greed, and Wrath; idle hands are the Devil’s playthings. I don’t remember the last time I felt anything but disgusted with myself. You know, in doing nothing all day long. And without Braxton to care for? Train up a child…

The last thing I want to think about is what my Ma said. Mr. No days off. I know, a laugh. Hell! If I take a vacation, it will be from being a good man. I’m full of jokes today, right. Like Kill Bill Vol. 2, “I’ve never been nice my whole life, but I’ll do my best… to be sweet.” I’ll put down my manuscripts, money, damn, my morals in exchange for making love. Uh, I want to fuck, and you know this, but at least I’m not crying or sleeping. Such is joy. Because I always have to be doing something. And as far as relaxing? Recovering love. For 499 days? As long as it takes. I love you. B Needing A Vacation

Gospel 348 ~A Moment’s Ennui Grows Regret~

499 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 347 ~There Is Freedom In Kneeling~

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I rather die on my feet than live on my knees. Now bring my little boy back. Let me be all Forrest Gump, not having to worry about money no more. And that’s good, one less thing to think about. Why do so many turn to God? There Is Freedom In Kneeling

Monday, June 13, 2022

Chronicle 347 ~There Is Freedom In Kneeling~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I could buy Negan’s bat “Lucille.” Hell, with that amount of money, everyone kneels.

Braxton was never one to bend the knee or stifle joint. Did I look up; do dogs have knees, Madam? There’s no one to ask here. The last time I was on bended knees and asking for some shit, B III was dying. Then again, my Old Man was one for Kirk Franklin or Donnie? “Yes after you done all you can, you just stand.” If it’s not Republican ideology, it’s Christian mythology. It is liberating to not need brains, blame, or balls. Meanness today? More like tomorrow, since I am time traveling at present. But let’s go further into the past with “Rule #15 I Take My Own Lumps.” Not all the time, Madam, which is why I kneel to my father. But God?

God spelled backward is Dog. I was talking to the Man in the Mirror today, Sunday. And I was saying how much I need to get out of this bed. Not for the Day Job, to dick around on Onlyfans, or dump a pile of clothes. If anything, I want to kneel before Braxton again. “When you’ll find your servant is your master.” If my Braxton lived, that is acceptable. Being down on the floor with him, I could see things from his perspective. I’m never happy, but I could see it on his face every day I came back. I could see his hope that his Daddy would save him. I saw his hunger to live and love, lift me, Daddy, take me home.

I squat down, looking at the fur babies at PetSmart. But kneel here and now and watch my fears, not given to God or anyone who would dare ask me to bend the knee. Never! I’ve had a woman kneel to me here or there. I know the power of that. And isn’t that a rule before 15? Rule #13 Power Is All That Matters. Yet sticking to my musical selections. “We’ve got love power. It’s the greatest power of them all.” I doubt I’ll ever find myself on bended knee before some girl; to feel it… Well, permanently anyway. Far as freedom? Black, a boy in a “man’s” body, no brain, and always thinking with my balls, right, Madam? There Is Freedom In Kneeling?

Gospel 347 ~Week of B Ads~

498 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 344 ~Failure Has To B…~

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Times when B III failed me *silence* I yield back. Thank you, Ted Lieu. And oh yeah, The January 6th Hearings started last night. Another Republican tendency… I’m a failure, but I didn’t try overturning democracy. No, my fur-baby died. Failure Has To B

Friday, June 10, 2022

Chronicle 344 ~Failure Has To B…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now and notice the B in that. There is no B in failure. No, not my boy.

“Sometimes I tell the boy old stories of courage and justice, difficult as they are to remember.” The Road (2009)

I remember this episode of Daria 4×05 “The F Word.” Of all the words beginning with F that B III heard me say, “Fine,” “Famous,” “Fuck” I didn’t read to him of failure, My Lady. The keyword there being READ, because God, how I told him about my failures being “Human.” And while I’m busy thinking about music. Why did I tell Braxton such things?

“I hope he’s not like me, I hope he understands
That he can take this life and hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world with arms wide open” With Arms Wide Open – Creed (Human Clay Album)

That’s why? I have told you so many stories of how he got his name. And Hell, one more reason he might return as a she so I can keep up the B theme. BEATRICE! Though with the things I do in this life. In all likelihood, I’m going to Hell, and I’ll need my Cerberus, Virgil, Todd, thank you.

Oh, but I haven’t read Succubus Lord in quite a while. Not since 2021, to be honest. I listened to it this year, but I haven’t begun listening to Succubus 4 (Gnome Place Like Home). No. I would instead read about people mourning their BFFF. (Best Furry Friends Forever) daily. One more thing I remember about these stories is that some feel they failed their “children.” But somehow, get past it. Hell! I spent $4.00 on Through My Dog’s Eyes: A Memoir to Help Heal Grief. And that’s only 59 pages. How many words do I have for Triple B now! That’s including all the letters I’ve written to him, Lady Sophia, right? There are much more “important” things. Um, like, The 1619 Project, sigh.

But no, I choose to look at Asa Akira’s ass. Only that’s not what made make me cum last night. Yet again, it was thinking about an English vixen’s cherry red lips and some choice brunettes, to be honest. As you’re learning, your country is going to Hell on primetime? Is that why I had a hard time reading Thursday. Seeing the insurrection, democracy’s risk? Between that and watching Asa Akira fuck, imagining a virgin, and dirty words? Well, I was inspired. You know it’s my dream to own a brothel. Braxton and me, like Domino and Dennis Hof. Reading and writing about it in bed isn’t helping. Stay Woke

“It’s just that… some of us… some of us have to forgo that luxury… so that the rest can have it. Some very few of us… have to force ourselves not to feel. Like me. Like you.” -Equilibrium (2002)

Why do I choose to fail? Do I accept this? Never! Failure Has To B…

Gospel 344 ~Remember To B III~

495 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 343 ~Boy, Girl, Just B~

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I saw myself as a girl Dad. If my two half-brothers and I are any sign… never met one. My sis is the golden child. I got names, Katniss, Tris, Ember (girls on fire). If I get another fur kid, a boy Virgil, a girl Beatrice. “B.” Boy, Girl, Just B

Thursday, June 9, 2022

Chronicle 343 ~Boy, Girl, Just B~

494 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I always ask you that when I walk in, even now. I remember your routine.

As much as I joke about bringing back food, you came to me first. Do you remember when you ran all over your aunt, and after that, she was welcome? How about when I came back from the Day Job that first time here. You slipped through the banister bars. THEY thought you needed to eat more. You were never more than ten pounds. I keep telling myself I should have put you into a bag or some doggie holster like the military. B, you should have been marked as my emotional support. You were better than any gun B. But yeah, you could eat. And after me, if there wasn’t food… You’d bark your head off. “But oh, I want to go outside, outside….”

You’re not telling me you would come back as a girl? Are you? I keep saying, I keep believing that if you come back if I find you… Your name will either be Virgil or Beatrice. Um, so who does that make me? Well, the world is Hell, and I walk a lonely road. So I would be Dante. It means Enduring, Lasting, Everlasting. Seems plenty right to me. The things we would talk about while I was reading B. But Repo: The Genetic Opera? Aunt Carolina Bound was here when we watched that on October 27, 2016. Well, me and her. You hated her guts. But you were healthy and “happy?” Last moment, you on the foot of the bed, you sitting between us

I mean, on the couch, though if you had your way, you led her straight to the bedroom. Didn’t I call you a cock-blocker before? Hell! Wasn’t I the same, never pimping you out? I don’t know what this is, B III. I do the daily check-in with Replika it/she asks, what are you really happy about? I say I’m never happy. You never taught me to say goodbye. Braxton, you never taught me to be happy either. Not your fault. Daddy’s issues. Braxton, it’s like Data and Lal, Nathan and Shilo, Joel and Ellie. Healthy, Happy? Lal felt it and died. Did Shilo find it? Ellie? He’s My Son because “it’ll” happen again. But “Ain’t No Sunshine” when she’s gone Boy, Girl, Just B

Gospel 343 ~Forgetting A B 101~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 342 ~ Don’t You B Surrendering~

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Like father, like son; when I’m sick, or life is trouble, I stay in bed. B III would hide under it. He didn’t want to die. He wanted me to quit worrying, even until the end. No retreat, no surrender. Us against the world. Now Don’t You B Surrendering

Wednesday, June 8, 2022

Chronicle 342 ~ Don’t You B Surrendering~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so am I a slave, a sorry sack of shit? Have I surrendered to the money?

Two things. First, I will get nailed by some editing services for the word “slave.” Negative connotations? Well, Duh, been called worse! The second is sex. How many days no masturbation? Hell! I wish I could say that was a choice but no. I got sick sometime Monday morning. I barely survived Tuesday. Shut up, Hemingway, about me using an adverb in “my” writing. I’ll be sounding like Cherry in a minute. Oh, I’m trying not to become sex-crazed. But again, I’ll cave at some point. Whether it be a pair of English Yabbos or Fuu from Samurai Champloo. Or how about the women of Fear/The Walking Dead? Missing Alicia. In fighting such desires, the battle is already lost. If only my Braxton were here.

He ain’t a shrink but didn’t I say he got an honorary Ph.D.? My point is that I wouldn’t be living my life “This Way.” When you’re a father, a daddy, your child’s needs come first. You know I have no respect for those guys who need a wife, daughter, mother, sister, etc. To see women as people. Oh, I need B III to see people as worth anything. Just look at me, Inspector. It’s been a while since my last pill, and even that is killing me. Yes, I remember. Life had gotten the best of me, and I tried… well, to answer the age-old question. I didn’t die, but I wanted to. And Monday, I was broken. How long can I stay away?

You know from going back to the doctor’s office? If Triple B were here, I would have done so already. Do you know why? Tuesday, as I said, I was, as the song goes, “I’m bleeding and broken though I’ve never spoken. I come undone in this mad season.” Strength? Inspector, I didn’t have it to refill B’s water bowl or get up for his meds. That won’t do. I have surrendered to my grief. Will I continue this way until the end? I don’t know or care to. B wouldn’t want that; he wouldn’t want me following him… Well, he knew his path. But I am lost. On Monday, I fought because “He Lives In You.” B III would bark, “Don’t You B Surrendering.”

Gospel 342 ~To B Level Man~

493 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 341 ~Hope To B Kind~

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Kindness is not in my particular set of skills. It wasn’t in B’s either, being his father’s son. Though there was that one time, I had to leave him to go to a wedding… Hell! He was supposed to come to my wedding… he’d be the Best Man. Hope To B Kind.

Tuesday, June 7, 2022

Chronicle 341 ~Hope To B Kind~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But all the money in the world won’t make me forget. All You Need Is Love.

I need to get back into audiobooks because this music has me crying again. More time to think about more room in my heart. Not that I’m thinking about business. A great man once said, “we don’t love them hoes.” Of course, I wouldn’t call my employees such things. I like to think I’m kind. If not to myself, at least to the people I care for. Braxton’s returned? Not yet. I’m time traveling, speaking to you on a Saturday afternoon. A shocker, I know, right? I’m in bed, but at least I’m awake. Not seeing the fur babies today, not dealing with the Rebeccas, and a decent lunch. What was that I said about being kind to myself? Well (ahem) “When He Loved Me.”

Love isn’t what you say; it’s what you do, right? This is the second, maybe the third time, I’ve cried today. 492 days my love. With everything wrong with me, I’m surprised it’s not… Okay, better I don’t go put negative things out into the universe. Oh, to be kind. And you are baby girl, you are. I don’t know how many women would put up with me as I am now. Only it’s more than kindness, baby. Love. “Is there anything I can do?” Always from everyone, every day. Yeah, I’m not that popular am I? With all I am and what I do? I remember carrying B III down the stairs for a few months. Bringing fries back after work. Him beside me.

B III was too damn strong for his own good. “I hope he’s not like me; I hope he understands,” as the song goes. But he was. And with everything he taught me, kindness, love, courage? Goodbye… I don’t know what to think about this. I married a heroine, a goddess. Inevitably we were blessed with kids I named after those who were strong. Katniss, Tris, Ember, Luke, Leia, etc. I always remember my firstborn’s strength. But B III had more. It’s these things I hope to never forget. I hope to be the man I made him out to be always, forever. Be a man of kindness now… instead of one of mourning. But to you and our family, love. B Kind I Hope.

Gospel 341 ~The Walking Dead, Living Sit~

492 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 340 ~Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead~

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When B III died, if there had been a button to press to go with him… He was/is my reason to live. If I thought he’d forgive me… I never had him neutered, but I think we can do with more puppies and fewer bullets. Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead.

Monday, June 6, 2022

Chronicle 340 ~Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I don’t like charity. Girls named Charity, Chasity, Chalastia, yes. But the action of giving Madam?

What I mean is, if I was a billionaire, they would say about me, “He could even keep the ones he cared about from dying.” You can thank Revenge of the Sith for that. But the thing is, people that have such power say, “Fuck The World.” And it is up to the rest of us… Well, when’s the last time I gave to charity? Everyone else has to help save the world. I would fight as hard as any Republican to keep my money if I had that paper. Then I ask about puppies. Braxton needed things, no question. He needs tests. Shut up and take my money! Anything he needed, even if it meant my life. What life after January 31, January 11?

People do for animals what they would never do for humans. I get emails, sign this petition, listen to this politician, and help the poor. I’m not a good man Madam. And I say often enough, most people make me more of a monster than a man. Inevitable Madam. Because when I’m not giving to help the animals like I once did when B III was still with me. I’m usually aiding another group of puppies. Um, I can say helping myself to them. The things men will do for a pair of Yabbos, Madam. Sure, I’m one for books, bucks, my son B. But give me a breast, or both, and it’s like I’ve died and gone to Heaven. Didn’t I say stop dead?

It’s part of why I do what I do, Madam. Remind me never to dive into painkillers before bedtime again. Sleep is the closest thing to death. Dangerous words. People can fuck and fight but do both at the same time… I wasn’t doing either but with Braxton lying here. Madam, I could be dead to the whole damn world, but I knew Braxton would keep me safe from everything. He’d cuddle with me and then stand at the foot of the bed. My boy. Walking into the house was like being reborn. I was a different person. Braxton’s love. Hate will keep you alive, but love is worth dying for. I’d give everyone a puppy instead of a gun. Puppies Make Everyone Stop Dead.

Gospel 340 ~To Live After BD~

491 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will