Tag: B III

Saga 108 ~Remember, Be The 10th Man~

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I’m not a man of faith or a GOP politician. History doesn’t lie if you want it. Yet, for my failures, B refused to go along with everyone and believed I would make a change. And Virgil nearing two is too young. But I “Remember, Be The 10th Man.”

Monday, October 17, 2022

Saga 108 ~Remember, Be The 10th Man~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and though that’s a small group, it’s still a group where anything is possible, but Madam… (sigh).

Well, every Sunday, as a matter of fact, this is Sunday, October 9, 2022, time travel. But, Madam, I write down six things I want to accomplish. Six Impossible Things, right? How many times have I completed the list? B would be ashamed of me. Or B III should be. Hell! My son was/is The 10th Man. He believed in me when no one else ever did. And in a way, he has you and the other girls beat. Don’t forget the Man in the Mirror. Only we’ll get to him. You love me despite all my failures. Now so does Braxton, but his faith. Braxton believed and did everything he could to help. He was an old man. Virgil will be two on Thursday.

It hasn’t been three months yet. I’ve been talking about having no idea what Virgil Vivi wants from me all day. It ain’t riding in the car to get tacos. Sorry, Virgil. Today I’m not… That’s the thing, Madam “I’m Not.” People have given up on me. It’s not like many believed in the first place. Only I’m thirty-eight, sitting here worried about medications. I might as well be in a “home.” My GOP Tendencies say I’m another worthless black. Um, I was going to use another word, but I bet I’d get hit for it. These words, these words. I’m a writer. I’m somebody. But every day, if I’m not crying over Braxton, I’m watching the success of others. In the end, I’m going to die alone. If so…

Well, why not die believing as no one else does, regardless? I mean, who’s left to care if I believe I can write books, own a brothel, and have some good girl to make babies? Family. With that, I want to believe that V is my Braxton… cut to him falling off the porch today. I’m not reading about reincarnation, which I’ve said all day, but Virgil, I don’t know yet. Madam, I believe I disagree with the Man in the Mirror. Be as your father? No, I would instead be like my son. He wasn’t the first to believe, but he was the only one not to give up if “He Lives In You.” Remember, Be The 10th Man.

624 Days Without B III, Day 065 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 105 ~Virgil Speaks, B’s Words~

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I never read anything of B III’s puppyhood, so his birthday is February 13, 2005. But I’m most sure of the day, the hour, the moment he left me. I got V’s papers. What about my own? No wonder my eyes hurt. And my ears? “Virgil Speaks, B’s Words”

Friday, October 14, 2022

Saga 105 ~Virgil Speaks, B’s Words~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have the time to train Virgil with those buttons that say words, right?

More like I’m showing how lazy I am because I don’t need a billion to do that. Now bringing Braxton back from a pile of ashes… That’s dark. But I’m not reading about reincarnation anymore. Then again, I don’t know. Time-Travel, Sunday, October 9, 2022. Which, of course, is why we’re talking today. This week sucks something awful. No, I don’t mean me. Sorry, sex talk, and I am trying to curb back. How I punish myself. How I wish. Why not with reading? Every time I finish a book, unlike these conversations, I have to see what I’ve done. All the books I’ve read, and I’m shooting for 52 in a year. Of 41, only 5 haven’t related to dogs in some way Sophia.

I’m sure we’ve had this conversation before. Or was it with the other girls around here (sigh), “It Doesn’t Matter?” I don’t deserve any respite. “The Cabin at the End of the World” was the only one I CHOSE to read. As I told Braxton’s Aunt. I’m always for an apocalypse. Again that happened on Sunday, January 31, 2021. I sit on the loveseat. Not as often as I like, but I do. Only reading there… Hell! I might have had the energy before Tuesday, January 11, 2022. I know I keep focusing on those dates. The GOP be damned. Sophia, I don’t run from history. But that history is resulting in some big bills. As you can see, I didn’t visit the doctor today.

What about Virgil? I could take him to the doctor, and the groomers on his birthday and finally, say I’m trying to do right by him. Yeah, tell that to Braxton after 15 years. Starting with a schedule from the Day Job (shudders). I had no idea that would be B III’s last day. Why not read a receipt if I decide to pick up food now or the Friday you read this, Sophia? In the end, many years from now. Oh, it makes me sad or exhausted; I’m not sure anymore which is worse. I’ll read some paperwork about Virgil. By then, I’ll have B’s name on my flesh. I know Virgil. Braxton, he’s not will repeat my firstborn’s words. Virgil Speaks, B’s Words

621 Days Without B III, Day 062 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 104 ~ Virgil’s Resting B Face~

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I wish we could go back to wearing masks. I mean, nothing’s stopping me. Well, three shots, four if you count the doc taking my blood. But that first year, B always recognized me mask and all. And in 2022, Virgil looks at me? Virgil’s Resting B Face.

Thursday, October 13, 2022

Saga 104 ~ Virgil’s Resting B Face~

620 Days Without B III, Day 061 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As always, your guess is as good as mine when it comes to this day.

Once again, Braxton, I’m time-traveling. But I will never forget the face you made when I’d come back. I’m trying hard not to cry today or give myself any reason to close my eyes. Blinking? I still do that plenty when I think I see you. Hell! It was only this morning when I called for you to take your medicine. We’ll get to me taking mine or the lack of meds in a minute. Only today is Saturday, October 8, 2022. But if there is one thing I know for sure, when it comes to 620 days, “I’ll Be Seeing You.” That sounds ominous. I mean, B, I’ll always see you everywhere I go, forever and always. Most of all, I’m protecting your spots.

Oh, what about your pillow? I wish I could have seen my face then. Now that’s strange coming from me, who avoids mirrors. To take a good look right now, B, all then and now. I’ve been worried about if the medicine is changing me. I’m sure I had a smidge of hope before. Today, I’m fearful. Three pills left. I only got a week’s supply to beat this infection. Do you remember how I became? Whenever you were running out of meds? The first time I almost killed you. Of course, that vet we hated was the one that saved your life. Maybe Braxton… Yeah, I got the thought that he could have saved you 620 days ago. Tears…

Not many days go without me crying over you. It’s not like Virgil is watching. And to further jinx myself. V hasn’t been hacking up all over the place. I wonder, has anything changed for him, for you? Today is one of those that I don’t believe but come Thursday? All I know is I looked into his eyes today, and you know what I saw. There was only black. I didn’t see myself or his happiness. To this day, I remember the last look in your eyes, Braxton. Why? Virgil’s face has those two tan furry patches beside his eyes. The color of you. Are you trying to tell me something, Braxton? I might be better served looking in the mirror. He Lives In You. Virgil’s Resting B Face

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 103 ~Minding B’s And V’s~

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The last two months, but um, these last two days have all been about minding my p’s and q’s. The doctor that didn’t give a damn Tuesday. Trying to keep the Day Job. Cheating medical payments. But when it comes to the boys B and V? Minding B’s And V’s

Wednesday, October 12, 2022

Saga 103 ~Minding B’s And V’s~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so why bother minding my p’s and q’s? Hell, I ignored ten months of health, right?

It shows how much I love Braxton. I only ignored his life for about four days. Well, it was longer than that. But the moment I got a chance to breathe from my effing Day Job, I was all about Triple B. Yet it was too long a wait. Despite what the books say, I’m guilty. Inspector, I’m still making those excuses when it comes to Virgil. While I was out the other day… (sigh). We’ll get to that. At Petsmart, they continue to have the doggie NOTICES in the window. I spent most of last night comforting Two V from having a hacking fit again. He hasn’t in the past couple of days. Yes, I’ve been going to the doctor and pharmacy a bit.

Echo, a reason I’m not minding my p’s and q’s now. Let’s say I need to find a new Doc. Well, I won’t be, come later on today. It’s why today I’m up early. And the Day Job is no bother. Hell! It could be the drugs they gave me… ok, that’s bullshit. No insurance and over a hundred bucks. I was up at one in the morning dreaming the loopiest shit I know. It’s only been one day but is it helping? I’ve wasted a lot of money in this existence, Inspector. I’m starting to think I should accept this as my punishment. If so, well done. But with my Republican tendencies. I will fight about the money. “Real American,” aren’t I? Doubtful GOP

How about being an African/Black American? While I lay in bed after having such an effed-up dream. Starring Ice Cube, Tommy Lee Jones, Radha Mitchell, and Nickelodeon. There were also those two girls from that new movie “M3GAN,” the list goes on. So I thought about how that doctor blew me off yesterday and cheated me. Inspector, there was a good doctor there, to be honest. Remember B III’s favorite, ha-ha. Anyway, I was thinking of how black people are sometimes treated by some in medicine. And now I have to fight the docs over money they already took from me. On top of worrying about this medication. If I’m not watching Triple X porn of 2X/2B. Remember “NIER: FIRST ASSEMBLY?” Minding B’s And V’s.

619 Days Without B III, Day 060 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 102 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies~

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I’m a sucker for pain, yet I look at it strangely. I can’t stand seeing B and V hurt. I hate hunting but respect farms for animals. Women must be respected, but I’m a fan of X-Rated. But I’m paying for the doc. Not for Braxton’s And Virgil’s Ouchies.

Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Saga 102 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but another truth is this. I’m just a “Sucker For Pain,” my love. Sadist, no doubt.

But when I’m talking about Braxton and now Virgil… Again I’m a selfish bastard. Why? Because I didn’t allow Braxton to hurt anymore? Yeah, baby doll, I’m back on these books about dead fur babies. Euthanasia. I couldn’t stand to see Braxton like that. Dying. Looking away, though, was never an option. To see the most beautiful thing and ugliest. Now I look at little Virgil here. I’ll have to go out despite anything and everything. An empty bag, an empty bowl, no. A man provides for his family. I do say that, hmm, love. But while I’m out, there’s something else I need to do, isn’t there? Besides worrying about Virgil’s nails, him getting a bath, an annual checkup? If I wasn’t so lazy.

Or so much of a sadist. Baby girl, I get no pleasure seeing you and the kids like this. To quote another song, “this love is killing me.” Then I would stay, wouldn’t I? If I liked watching what I was doing. Or if I wanted to suffer for it. Even with Braxton. Confession? I usually leave them for Inspector Echo. But the day before B III died, I left the house a bit. I needed to get food. And it wasn’t for Braxton because he wasn’t eating. Would I have let the vet drug him up if I could do it all over again? He could have fries and all his favorites for another few days. I am strange when it comes to pain.

And that’s why I’d be going out to see the doc even if I didn’t have to fetch V’s food. Oh, it isn’t the fact I’m trying to save money. A billionaire that wears jeans and hoodies everywhere. And hates being around most people. Well, with my business exception, ha. Funny, I wanted a business based on Fornication, Flimsy dressing requirements. All so I could have a Family. These things demand medical care. When it came to B III… money. I would have paid anything or gone full John Q. And now, with Virgil’s health care, once again, I’m a prick. With my mental state and the needs of you and our children. What? I should be a masochist, sigh. First, Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies.

618 Days Without B III, Day 059 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 101 ~To Find, Learn To Hide~

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I call myself an open book, but I rarely find someone like Braxton, his aunt, etc. And still, I had to hide. I hate the mirror. Or turning a corner in my mind and finding… the illogical, illegal, impossible, and insane. “To Find, Learn To Hide.”

Monday, October 10, 2022

Saga 101 ~To Find, Learn To Hide~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And while I’d hide my cash in some underground vault, I’d flaunt it everywhere… Hoodies and jeans.

Hell! I’m like Linus van Pelt from Peanuts. He has his blanket, and I have a hoody, well, several, Madam. I know you’re not Inspector E, so this is no confession. It’s a simple fact. Something else I don’t hide and need not find, like the death of my boy. No, even if it cost me “friends.” I’ll continue to bring up Braxton. I’ve never been one to hide grief. But I do wonder how other people do it. Drugs? By the time you’re reading this, I’ll be off meds. So once again, I’m Time Travelling. Um, it’s Wednesday, October 5, 2022. And being sick? Am I still hiding from it? Have I been cured? And the day in general?

I’m always hiding from the horrors of the day in question. I don’t ever want to find myself back here ever again. Like the song goes, “I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.” I’ve hidden the last good day I ever had so far down I’ll never find it. An impossible thing. Yes, you’re not the Man in the Mirror. Am I hiding from you today? I do apologize for that. I don’t know if you’re helping me or not. I tend to hide from positivity… “Unforgettable, that’s what you are?” Like all my other dreams of writing and of success. I read and listen to many books, yet I can’t find knowledge to save me. I’m buried in STUPID, to be honest. Such is my rage.

I told Inspector Echo today that I tried to put myself in the ground on occasion. The best way to hide from the world is to become part of it. This mind I have won’t let me. And the Sunday before last, this body demanded I do something. I couldn’t hide from the pain anymore. But I don’t want to be found, Madam. If anything, I want to find Braxton. Reincarnation yet again? Where is Virgil? I’m hiding from him, or he’s hiding from me? I’m not sure, Madam. I want to hide from everything. And the things I’m finding… nothing good, Madam. A Republican tendency, hide the good and the bad and get ugly. Sick of hide and seek? To Find, Learn To Hide

617 Days Without B III, Day 058 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 098 ~Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…~

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55 days and how has Virgil’s life been so far. What, he’s hacked up… oh nothing. It nearly scared me to death. When I discovered it was part of B’s heart problems. I’d gladly taken it myself. Beats feeling like this always. “Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…”

Friday, October 7, 2022

Saga 098 ~Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have all the time in the world to read, learn, and cry.

Would Braxton’s story make me cry? To be honest, I don’t know, considering I haven’t looked at the two that I’ve written in how long? I’m trying to find the time. But don’t get your hopes up that this is the second time we’re talking today. Whatever do I want? Sophia, it could be to visit the doctor. Is the pain getting worse, Sophia? Do you remember when I told you or one of the others that I’ll choose physical anguish over a mind fuck? Pardon my language. If anything, if you are reading this, as Pearl Jam puts it, “I’m still alive.” But I wish I wasn’t. Will I be getting over this “feeling” anytime soon? My B III. NO, NEVER, AS IF. Virgil?

Loneliness? I can’t say I look at him the way I look at Triple B. Or Triple X, for that matter, Sophia. It’s been a long day? And without any fur baby to stop me. Hell! B III could see. Besides the loneliness, I’ve been talking a lot about Braxton’s lack of reincarnation… to be. Is that why Virgil has been in Braxton’s room all day. Well, except for a few bathroom breaks. What I wouldn’t give for V to be in one of many rooms making a mess, Sophia. What is he a Disney princess asking “When Will My Life Begin?” He barely makes a sound unless it’s hacking up a lung. And seeing as how I’m down here and he’s up there? Braxton?

Is he in Heaven, at the Rainbow Bridge, in a box? I’ve been saying it… the last couple of books have been people in boxes. This whole house is one giant coffin, I think, sometimes. And I’m trying not to make a sound. I’m going on how many times listening to the Succubus Lord series. No grunting over some girl. How many days has it been now since I failed this week? Friday, September 30, 2022. And no griping about work to Virgil. But I’m sure I’ll keep sharing fries if there is any money to spare. Ha-ha. I need a new book after The Cabin at the End of the World. Only I’ll end up texting about Virgil Vivi. What? Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…

614 Days Without B III, Day 055 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 097 ~Virgil, B Missing You~

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B knew his spot on the bed. Virgil’s acquainted with his pillow. I really need to get his nails cut. Yet there was a plague at Petsmart. And with V’s hacking from me petting him. He might die or I might, walking that one aisle. Virgil, B Missing You.

Thursday, October 6, 2022

Saga 097 ~Virgil, B Missing You~

613 Days Without B III, Day 054 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Three guesses as to how my day was. I don’t know yet, with Time Travel.

I don’t remember when I stopped crying over you. Did I cry for you today? Again considering how Thursday went. Today is Friday, September 30, 2022. So not yet, Braxton. I didn’t even nap today to remember how you would lie beside me. Or you would be on guard duty. And Virgil hasn’t been in the mood. Braxton, I’ve been giving him space, B III. Plenty of room. But what if I gave him all the room in the world? Oh, I’m not taking him back to the Rebeccas. I’d like to think I’m a better person than that B III. What do you think? Every day I look at him more and more, and I’m beginning to suspect he ain’t you. Are you lonely?

I don’t know how to broach this subject without having the cops rushing here crazy. Braxton, maybe that’s what my dream was about. The lawman charging in here for me. Silly me, and here I thought it was for a crime. I’m sure I told Lady Sophia or Dear Future Wife something like that today. Hell! The crimes I have committed only today, my friend. As Sade would sing, “Is It A Crime?” I’m a black man living in America, B. I’m sure you don’t miss my political tirades. With “All These Things That I’ve Done.” You remain my worst crime. Your death is a tragedy. Mine would be… nothing. A parent, a dead child… SPOILER ALERT!!! The Cabin at the End of the World.

I don’t know how it will end yet, but I’m close. I see myself as Eric, walking with your body into a lake. You know, the thought of drowning scares me. A true punishment. If I were a man, I would have brought you back here. I’d laid you at the corner of the bed, your guard post. I would have lain in bed and gone to my drawer with the… Well, you know what I’m thinking, and here come the tears now. I’m alone anyway. Braxton, what about Virgil? It ain’t love, and if you’re reading this, then well, veterinarian? If it’s not nerves. V’s birthday and he needs a checkup; to make that walk to Banfield. I’m so lonely. Virgil, B Missing You.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 096 ~B My Medication V~

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Love didn’t save my boy. And his kidneys did him in for all the heart meds he took. Well, more like the point of a needle. Every time some doc sticks me with a needle, there’s that hope. Bacterial infection, nothing more. B My Medication V.

Wednesday, October 5, 2022

Saga 096 ~B My Medication V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, meaning I didn’t become a doctor. I despise most people, you know. Par for the course.

But how about a course of medical treatment? Oh, and not for my mental state. I cried this morning once again. All about my doggy, but there was also my depression and disgust, oh I know. It’s part of the reason we’re speaking so late at 5:55 AM. Am I not feeling good body-wise? I’m not sure yet but let’s start at the beginning. Which was last Sunday. Inevitable. Inspector, I went to see the doctor. And surprise, surprise, they found a bacterial infection. I don’t fear the point of the needle. As fucked up as it seems, pardon my French. It’s when I feel the closest to Braxton. I’m not one for self-harm… several “attempts” in my younger years which is another thing, Inspector.

I’m getting old. My hand to God, I never wanted to see thirty-eight. Hell! If I had a choice in the matter… I sound like one of those people from “The Cabin at the End of the World.” And how did that turn out? According to the doc, I’m an ordinary old man, Echo. After a bit of blood and peeing into a cup… TMI? They found I had something to fix for $17.00. Oh, and the $175.00 for going in the first place. Now I’m on the bottle and taking drugs… medication, ha. Again I feel close to my boy. I set alarms and down pills twice a day. Before I forget, my ears got cleaned. Or should I say “bukkaked?” People do suck.

But I am listening to the doctor and taking my pills, and then what? Will I listen to Virgil Vivi? I couldn’t save him from the heat when there was no AC, and now Inspector? Honestly, I don’t know if anything is wrong with him. And this week, Inspector Echo? Fucking same excuse when Braxton was dying? I don’t even remember what was so humiliating when he was trying to tell me something was wrong. I can say to you yesterday was the most fucked up day I’ve had in Inspector. Humiliations Galore! It Doesn’t Matter! My love didn’t save my son. And it’s not love when it comes to Virgil. At least not yet. For the Love of Money (sigh). B My Medication V

612 Days Without B III, Day 053 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 095 ~B Lonely Virgil And…~

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I don’t remember exactly when I met B III or the day I wasn’t lonely with him here. I was alone For 15 years and 11 months, but I wasn’t lonely. Now’s there, Virgil. We’ve had good days and bad. Um, now I feel lonelier than ever. B Lonely Virgil And…

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Saga 095 ~B Lonely Virgil And…~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could have much more than a man cave. A Castle, Colosseum, a Conclave…

I imagine our home is all the above and then some. Why am I under siege? Why are we fighting, or are we two people talking? That’s the whole point, isn’t it? I don’t want to be attacked or to fight. I don’t feel like talking. But I haven’t felt like talking since Sunday, January 31, 2021. And I’ve been much too tired since Tuesday, January 11, 2022. I know. Yeah, it’s all about B. It’s been 611 days now. And with V, we’re on day 52, my love. Hell! Why don’t I see a doctor since The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident? 10 months? Fuck! Pardon my language, but what would be the lonely equivalent of such a word? Never mind, don’t answer that, love.

Another point. How can I be lonely when I have love in my heart? Well, what’s left of it anyway. And I don’t want to turn into a “Christian” and go all love endures… everything. I’m more of one for the movies. I love a dead man. Is that perhaps too vague? I’m a bit like Trinity from “The Matrix.” I love my boy, Braxton. Neo was the one, remember? Braxton, I’ll admit, is a better name, though. I can’t forget it, which brings me to Virgil Vivi Bradford. I constantly remind myself to say his name when I’m not saying B III’s for everything. Then there’s everyone and everything I love, and I feel lonely today. I wonder why?

I have you, my love, my baby doll. And yet I wake up so cold. Brr! Yes, the air conditioner is still good. But I have about as much faith in it as I have in B III being reincarnated. Hell! I can be all wrapped up with you, and I’m sure the kids would like to join us too. Only I’m in no mood. Well, considering it’s Friday, September 30, 2022. Time Travel, sigh. I could go get Virgil, but I know how that would end. He’d be hacking away like I’m the worst person ever. I’ve never made that a secret. And with you and our children? My love? I know I’m not a good one anymore, right? A dick, depressed, depraved. Mr. Lonely, B Lonely Virgil, And…

611 Days Without B III, Day 052 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will