Tag: Memory

Journey 178 ~Write B And V~

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I meant to read, write, and tell quite a few stories this year. But I’m Winston Smith, transferring to SCREEN the interminable monologue of forty-one stony gray steps towards the grave, you know, the box. Better me than the words? Write B And V.

Friday, December 26, 2025

Journey 178 ~Write B And V~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Or at least give you a book review, seeing as how I’ll see you next year.

It’s like sleep. I look forward to going to sleep, but eff how I hate waking up. These Day Job naps, I tell ya what. Thank you, Mr. Hank Hill. I woke up to love, baby-making, and living their best life stories galore. And speaking of galore. My Day Job humiliations…

No, I’m sorry, Lady Sophia, what about my Christmas story? 1:30 this afternoon, Sophia.

Okay, so yesterday, Virgil and I visited the Olds. It was scary, but my entire existence is based on one word… FEAR. That came as we were living, and while I may not believe in Santa, I believed I hit my Olds mailbox. I set my clock and twenty-four hours later, I’m cleared… I’ve read better miracles. Not the Bible.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

His Christmas Miracle Harem Hmm
Long story short… Oh yeah, this was a short story, but a pretty decent read. Baby, It’s Cold Outside, to this is a slightly warmer room. It heats up, but takes quite a while to be completely honest, I’ll say. I appreciate the simplicity of it, if nothing else. Wham Bam Thank You, Ma’am, on a budget. It’s worth it. The best part about it, of course, was the sex. But am I supposed to be more interested in the sex tape the bride-to-be made, than the three chicks the would-be husband bedded, hmm. Well, when they eventually made it to the bed, that is. His Christmas Miracle Harem is like offering a good friend a beer—a kind gesture.

Lady Sophia, that book review above was a kind gesture. Honestly, I don’t feel kind.

Seriously, why can’t I just go back to sleep, jerk off, or jettison my guts all over the place, eww! But as Phil Collins sings, “I Don’t Care Anymore.” If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be thinking about some cute redhead I annoyed today with my music. I wouldn’t be jealous of two cosplayers getting married, two former wrestlers having a baby. Sh*t, Becky and Seth! Sophia, I especially wouldn’t be thinking about M Anime’s coming nuptials. STUPID AI, and Augmenting reality. I tried to describe “Family:” Braxton and everyone on Christmas. The AI didn’t like that, Grok. So I tried Sora. I guess it was love. Write B And V

1790 Days Without B III, Day 1231 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 174 ~Red By Braxton, Virgil~

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I need to stop. I don’t need a STUPID red hat like MAGA to tell me that. But to stop… Seeing rage, giving into rutting, and mourning for my boy while not truly embracing his brother. If I stop. When, where, and how will I go? “Red By Braxton, Virgil”

Monday, December 22, 2025

Journey 174 ~Red By Braxton, Virgil~
Monday, December 15, 2025 4:55
Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… What you don’t know is what this day will bring, other than we’re talking today, because you have to go to “The Bad Place.” As you know, the quote from one of those books you would read to me, 1984: “You will work for a while, you will be caught, you will confess, and then you will die.” Granddaddy wanted you to read it. You did long ago, long ago.

Long ago, like the end of last year, to Virgil? And it’s why you started calling M Anime the Julia to your Winston. If you could only see your face this second, my father. I’d say you were turning red… You know, if it wasn’t for doggy colorblindness and all.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Sunday, December 21, 2025 4:49
Honestly, it was eye-opening for me when I… What’s left? No, Dad. Look at it, as I went to eat my treat in the next room. Or I had you freaking out when you thought you left me outside. Or more like I went to sit with my Favorite Girl, when you were sitting right beside her. Now I’m still here, sitting beside Virgil, snoozing in the sun, seething elsewhere because I don’t want to hurt you. Do you recall how you checked rage, Dad?

You wanted to protect me. And I don’t know how to protect you from this… I think the word I’m looking for is STAY. I was the excuse for avoiding the Olds’ Humiliation and Anger.

But this week, today is a Red Flag, Red Alert, one more Red Mark on your existence, even as we sit here talking, Daddy. “Red, gold, and green,” you would sing to me. That isn’t any Christmas tunage. I’m no Karma Chameleon but more of a Kiss From A Rose….

Seriously, now you’re thinking of Cherry in her sexy Red… You’re not sending me away.

Daddy, eww! Though it’s been more M Anime talk these days. You say you’re way “Too Good at Goodbyes.” Just like I was telling you, “you think I’m weak, I think you’re wrong,” years ago. I think we both need to STOP living our lives the way that we do. Daddy, more red. Not for Christmas. Red By Braxton, Virgil.

“But it’s hard to move forward, he thought to himself, when surrounded by memories of everything you’re trying to forget.”
― His Christmas Miracle Harem

Cunctantem flectere sermo coeperat. “His words had begun to sway him as he hesitated.”
Aeneid

1786 Days Without B III, Day 1227 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 171 ~Braxton, Virgil, Santa’s Studying~

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I should have chosen a lot more books on fascism. But FDT, I’m living it. So, Christmas Erotica? I’m busy playing a Christmas game. What? It has snow and guys in red. Plus, I like my women a little less bundled—Braxton, Virgil, Santa’s Studying.

Friday, December 19, 2025

Journey 171 ~Braxton, Virgil, Santa’s Studying~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… I’m not sure I’ve ever told you this one before. What!? I’m going to write something.

No, more, FYI, between stints of “Whiteout Survival” and AI. You know, Augmenting Reality… (Grumbles). Yeah, I’m on Day One again. I might as well be MAGA, a Cracker Hat, and the orange turd in The Oval. Jolly Fat Man? That would be someone else.

Seriously, Santa. I can’t even be that to my sons, you know, the boys, my Braxton and Virgil. But I can keep buying Erotica like there’s no tomorrow—something else for the Christmas list. For me, I don’t want a tomorrow. Hell! I didn’t want a tomorrow, forty-one years ago (Cue Ben-Hur Galley Drums). I’d say that rage at myself keeps me warm while walking Virgil… And B via, his ashes in a pendant I wear. But 9th Circle bound.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

That’s me. It’s also why I read digital books more so than print—algorithm profiling.

Anyway, I’m losing the plot. Today, I wanted to tell you a story of tradition. So, according to Kindle, this started in 2019, when I read three Christmas erotica in December. If you want to blame my Ma for anything, this would be it. Plus, don’t they say boys marry girls who remind them of their mothers? That’s a whole can of worms I don’t need… Uh, M Anime? I read a lot of her dirty tales in 2025. Why did M have to eff that up? Um, ok, uh.

Anyway, my Ma accidentally introduced me to Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. Sophia…

She actually wrote that… Willing.

You should read the horny, horrible, and horrific books of mine. I make E.L. look like Shakespeare. And I can’t get anyone to read about my “Lost Boy.” You know “My Turn To B III.” Not that I’m complaining. But like Huey Freeman said in The Boondocks, “I don’t give a damn about Christmas.” So holiday erotica isn’t my thing to write, but I read it every December, save in 2024. The orange asshole got into office, so reading about apocalypses, dystopias, and the end of the world made more sense. “This is America,” ain’t it? A guy can read about a man banging three Asian chicks on Christmas Eve.

Seriously, it wasn’t this morning gaming and putting words in mouths. Braxton, Virgil, Santa’s Studying.

1783 Days Without B III, Day 1224 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 167 ~Braxton, Virgil, Be Quiet~

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When Braxton “passed,” the silence nearly destroyed me. Now I never leave the house without AirPods. Today, Hell, most days, the phone is my enemy… Did I miss work? Am I in trouble? Was I kicked out of the alliance? Poor V? Braxton, Virgil, Be Quiet.

Monday, December 15, 2025

Journey 167 ~Braxton, Virgil, Be Quiet~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… But are you, You? No, shut it, B? Or shut your pie hole. Shut your piss. “Leave Me Alone?”

Not even a Michael Jackson classic is going to help today. And Virgil? My little brother is asleep in his bed. Plus, what would he say? What can I say? That’s the point, isn’t it?

Daddy, imagine you have come back from “The Bad Place.” I’m an old man, so we didn’t go out for a walk, but we shared a burger and fries. Then you crawl into bed, and I take my place at the foot of it on the corner to watch the door. Hours later, “I’m Still Here.” This is far from a “Treasure Planet,” but I am my father’s son. The furry man that you raised.

So breathe, father. You’re not STUPID. What happened on Sunday that still has you sad?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

No excuses, “Forty-One” (cue Ben-Hur galley drums). Okay, so yesterday Virgil “chose” to puke in his potty spot rather than the carpet… Way to go, little bro. Anyway, to make sure he didn’t eat it, eww! You started cleaning the spot. Humans and glow boxes.

Meanwhile, on the little glow box you’re always holding, you were playing “Whiteout Survival.” You were intense, Daddy. But you made a mistake and got a lot of messages from “The Yayhoos” you were playing with. “Baby, I Love You,” just leave me the eff alone? That’s what you would say to M Anime if she were there because you’re humiliated. Well, the rest of the night you’ve been losing things on that little glow box game, and you’ve been sad and scared ever since.

Simply put, you were too busy helping your son to read their instructions, so spamming?

So on one paw, my pa, you don’t want to make a move without someone SPECIFICALLY giving you the instructions. Like “Auidoslave” saying, singing, showing what it means to ask others, “Show Me How to Live,” this existence. On the other paw. You enter “The Long Walk”; you become “The Running Man” because you know what to do, my father.

SURVIVE. And on those two paws, Virgil and I. Daddy, you’ll walk, run, fly after.

Honestly, though, if a game makes you feel like this… Like Carrie, “They’re All Gonna Laugh At You… You might not see anyone this week, but people, Virgil, even yourself.

SILENCE, Braxton, Virgil, Be Quiet.

“So, I just said fuck it all and gave up on life,”
Snowed in with Grumpy (Silver Mountain), Olivia Noble

Omnia tuta silent. “All things are safely silent.”
― Aeneid

1779 Days Without B III, Day 1220 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 164 ~Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred~

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A coincidence today is day “1776” since my son Braxton got his ‘freedom’ from the mortal coil, and this might be the first time I mentioned ICE… I had a bad day. One day, I’ll tell you my story about Cho Hyun-ju. But Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred.

Friday, December 12, 2025

Journey 164 ~Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… When I should be reading the dictionary. Synonyms? I did text with ‘dictionary girl’ aka Cherry.

And reading her text has been about the only reading I’ve done this morning, Sophia.

Only I should be reading “Snowed In With Grumpy” by Olivia Noble. Kindle streak ok?

Or how about “Death By Sitting” by Carolyne H. Thompson? It could be propaganda or pose as the truth. Algorithms and AI are scary. But besides reading about my boys.

Braxton and Virgil are so small compared to the elephant in the room. My Humiliation?

Ok, long story short… The Termite Guy visited the other day, and on the scale of Humiliations Galore? Three out of Five. Last year was a Five-star humiliation, as the guy pointed out everything wrong. The year before the guy stole ‘was given’ a lost bow under the house. I didn’t yell or spread Fuckery!

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

That’s right, my lady, I said FUCKERY! You know how I feel about cursing; it’s crass. It does have a place, usually involving me on top of a “Pretty Woman.” Or I’ll “Regulate” and lay them bustas down. And waking up in the morning and asking myself why? Sophia, if you told me right now that I could lie down and wake up with Braxton…

The Rainbow Bridge? Virgil won’t see that for many years. Plus, I’m going to Hell! Honestly, my lady, I’m beginning to understand MAGA and the Cracker Hats. “Can’t nobody tell me nothing.” And I would rather die than treat anyone fairly, B III to 2-V.

Humiliation and STUPIDITY hurt that damn much. And they always show up. I swear, Sophia.

Yesterday, I read about a manager who wanted applicants to work a shift for free and got mad when someone said no. FDT slavery is over. United States History, right?

Humiliations Galore. Dreams are delayed, deferred, denied, or even dead.

Here are three for you since the Termite Guy wasn’t enough. I went to the food truck last night and got ignored for at least ten minutes. The guys speak Spanish. I was ready to call ICE. Whoa, that was low! Next, I had to talk to my Old Man, which will always and forever be humiliating. Today, I got yelled at on Whiteout Survival. No big deal, uh huh.

Meanwhile, what about Braxton’s book? I’m broke, and Virgil’s burdens. Beware, Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred.

1776 Days Without B III, Day 1217 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 160 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ticket~

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So what do you want to listen to? What are your recommendations? What’s your vote? I ask that at the Day Job because somebody gave me speaker control. All I want to listen to is my boys. Because FDT and most people. “Braxton And Virgil’s Ticket”

Monday, December 8, 2025

Journey 160 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ticket~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And maybe you are finally beginning to believe, as you’re here early. Not because of Amazon… The Bad Place?

Sunday, December 7, 2025, 4:53 PM
I know that was a bad joke… Maybe we need a new rule. Why, when the old one works fine? You sleep after a bad day, and I’ll guard the door. Such was our law prince to a king.

And then, well, it was my time. It was just my time. And, “What have I become? My sweetest friend.” It wasn’t Johnny Cash. And it wasn’t a God either. Strange, isn’t it, my father? Neither one of us would say “He IS NOT A GOD! But this isn’t “10,000 BC,” But that could be a step with how you’re living, how we live. Dad, I’m still “Alive,” you know?

Like Meatloaf playing on the radio; speaking of which, Dinner?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Monday, December 8, 2025, 4:03
I wouldn’t have voted on this, Dad. You always. But pasta? At least it’s not the kind that you could sneak my medicine into. So you’re not trying to trick my little brother. And Virgil is the one you chose, just like me. And that brings us to what “We’re just livin’ for today. And if it’s not AC/DC, what about The Notebook “What do you want?” Well, besides me. I’m not on the ballot. But even my dead furry ass is better than Trump.

Language, I know, Dad, watch my barks. But FDT! And you? Dad, I didn’t have much say in our movie nights, aside from food distribution. My Favorite Girl wouldn’t have minded The Notebook. M Anime?

You’ve been thinking about her a lot lately. Again, you don’t want to hear my thoughts on the subject. And I love my favorite girl like pancakes. You’d say that to me all the time, Dad, “I love you like pancakes.” But I don’t need to know about the “dirty things” you and she would watch on the “Glow Box,” when you would tell me to get out. Oh no!

Daddy, you want to know where my vote goes, along with Virgil’s. It’s for you always and forever. President, King, God, you humans have such titles. But my father, Daddy.

Vote on yourself. Four more years? Thursday? As Pete tells Ray, “Think about making it to the next moment. My vote. Braxton And Virgil’s Ticket.

“If we start tomorrow, right now, with everything we’ve beaten, everything we’ve endured, everything we’ve risen above, everything we’ve become. If we start tomorrow, right now, no matter what comes next, we’ve won. We’ve already won!”
Rick Grimes ― TWD

“On them I set no limits, space or time: / I have granted them dominion, and it has no end.”
Book 1 ― The Aeneid

1772 Days Without B III, Day 1213 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 157 ~Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story~

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I got up too late to read this morning. Liar! I read warnings on “Whiteout Survival,” and how little I helped. I should read how to get help for me, my mutt (good boy) V, and how much money it will cost. Writing Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story

Friday, December 5, 2025

Journey 157 ~Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Why, when reviews get way more views? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed…

I was DEAD to the world. Not even Genie is granting that wish. But anyway, Virgil was able to creep up beside me. And he didn’t even bother me for his morning walk, my lady.

He’s still waiting for me to turn the page. And I’m still waiting for someone to buy the book. Braxton’s book. Not that I’m bitching, begging, or bellyaching. Please understand.

Every day, I’m scared. And why amn’t I with MAGA and the effing Cracker Hats?

Honestly, I only hate my writing, worth, and whatever I choose to spend time on.

However, what does that mean for Virgil and Braxton, too? Raising my sons is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. And it “Hurts Like Hell” that “Nobody Knows” it, Sophia…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

But me? Because the song lyrics aren’t helping either. And I want to say, unlike MAGA, Sophia, I do seek knowledge. Yeah, reading such knowledgeable titles as “Snowed in with Grumpy.” No offense to Olivia Noble. But remind me, Lady Sophia, I do need to read today. Last night I was far too busy writing to my son and some fans. Did I say that?

Seriously, with a world filled with liars, nobody bothers to read the truth. Because again… It Hurts Like Hell unless you put it to a nice beat, for example, FDT! I don’t have that Soph.

A beat, book, or the B-word… Please, 99 Problems but a bitch ain’t one. I mean my B III, my Braxton. There are no words.

“A man might be thought wealthy if someone were to draw the story of his deeds, that they may be remembered.”
Buliwyf, The 13th Warrior

Virgil feels the same way. “When Will My Life Begin?” Virgil only sings when I leave the house. And now his Dad is sitting here thinking about Rapunzel naked. Her and Mai Shiranui. I second Queen Ramonda when she said, “I think that one day, artificial intelligence is going to kill us all.” Or as Kanye West put it, “No one man should have all that power.” With a word, Sophia, anyone can augment reality to their choosing, my dear.

I should picture people buying books. How about Virgil inheriting Braxton’s dream? But what do I choose to do? Anything but write books and turn the page on my existence.

The best books… are those that tell you what you know already.
1984, George Orwell

I don’t want to see what happens. Except for two words… Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story

1769 Days Without B III, Day 1210 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 153 ~Somedays B’s, Somedays V’s~

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This all sounds too familiar, blah, blah, blah, days to be worried. Blah, blah, blah, the moment. Blah, blah, blah, family. Someday I won’t have to worry about any of it. But I didn’t get lucky today. “Somedays B’s, Somedays V’s.”

Monday, December 1, 2025

Journey 153 ~Somedays B’s, Somedays V’s~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… “Day ‘N’ Nite.” I know, Dad, you would much rather have some pretty girl. My Favorite Girl? She’s married.

You humans and your connections. And M Anime… I wish we both could’ve been there.

That someday you were always telling me about. My stepmom, Virgil, and some two-legged siblings. Someday, a “real” family. But we already were/are a family. You, me, my little brother V., and whoever else shows up, someday. Or last night, as you lie dreaming about the door, crashing, collapsing, more like crumbling. What was trying to get in, Daddy? I miss the days after I’d sit on your face and you’d finally wake up, Dad.

Some days, “It’s A Sunshine Day.” Others, it’s “The Long Walk.” Today, what was it?

Frigid, fun less, and always fearful. But a different type of FEAR. The kind I couldn’t fight… The Bad Place.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Another someday. You would tell me one day that you would never go back. After me…

Daddy, you never blamed me for leaving or the pokey people, or Higher Powers…

Honestly, Daddy, you only blamed yourself and The Bad Place. And the next day you went right back there. And that’s how you’ve been feeling for the last couple of weeks. If you go back and the mean people there say they don’t want you, what does it mean, Dad?

That the RAGE you felt, that you tried to protect me from, meant nothing. You could have been here with me. You could have saved me… And what about Virgil? With everything you’ve done without The Bad Place, what future does V have? What someday?

“Truth is singular. Its ‘versions’ are mistruths.”
Sonmi-451, Cloud Atlas

Is that what was trying to break down the door last night in your head? The truth? Which truth would you like? We’re not MAGA with “alternative facts.” Effing Cracker Hats, and FDT! I know, Daddy, language. But you are an honest man, my father. And you raised honest men, V and me, fur and all. V’s not afraid of being afraid. And you, Dad?

Start with something small, like my brother. Why did he get the name Virgil Vivi?

  1. Guided Dante Through Hell
  2. Black Mage FF IX
  3. 2B, Black-and-White, NieR: Automata
  4. 2E, Executioners, You, Work

Someday, you won’t believe that last one. “Gotta Knock a Little Harder,” I guess. Because someday we gon be “Alright” Dad. Somedays B’s, Somedays V’s

“You’re better to take it a day at a time, is all I’m saying. If people just took it a day at a time, they’d be a lot happier.
The Long Walk ― Richard Bachman

“Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.”
Aeneas ― The Aeneid

1765 Days Without B III, Day 1206 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 150 ~B’s Real Ending, Virgil~

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As the song goes, “Death Is Not The End.” I’m not a religious person. And I’m dumber than most. But I still talk to my firstborn son every week. And I have enough trauma from the Day Job that I’ll never forget that place. B’s Real Ending, Virgil

Friday, November 28, 2025

Journey 150 ~B’s Real Ending, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Not a review? I’ve caught up a little on my reading. Day Job? That comes later.

But the FEAR is here. And what do I compare it to? Isn’t it Ironic, it feels like B… dying?

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.”
― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Braxton, my son, is not a coward. That would be his scaredy-cat, skeevy, and STUPID father. Did I mention STUPID? Again, we’ll get to that Lady Sophia. But when did Braxton’s story end? Was it covered in syrup as he dug into “my” French Toast? Was it wrapped around my sister’s bedpost? How about when I told him to get in the car? His choice. Was it standing in front of me, teeth bared at his grandpa, ready to fight and die for me? Was it walking to his water bowl, trying to prove he was okay? Crawling into my lap? Looking into my eyes…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

I swear I haven’t cried after losing M Anime three months ago. And the Day Job has me scared to death. But it takes Braxton to bring on the tears. His One Shining Moment, hmm.

But he only died once? Virgil and I… I named him after Virgil, of course, the man who guided Dante. Vivi was a black mage from Final Fantasy IX with a short lifespan. And Virgil’s already as white as a ghost… And he and I wake up thinking, why would we wake up? Effing dumb! It’s “Christmas Time in Hell.” Please don’t remind me. Tears?

Honestly, how will I pick out the Christmas Erotica I want to read? Didn’t I eff that tradition when MAGA took office? You remember Sophia:

  1. Brave New World
  2. 1984
  3. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
  4. It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis
  5. WE by Yevgeny Zamyatin

A lot of good it did me. STUPID as I am, I didn’t understand my Ma asking me to come and pick up Virgil, and my Thanksgiving dinner. Yesterday, Thanksgiving was catered by the food truck up the street. And of course, all the stores were closed. And Black Friday!

I’m not walking into any store today. And I’m trying to understand the words “Unexcused Absence Exception” since I didn’t go into the Day Job this morning. But I did get all dolled up, and why? Broke, Fired, and Unemployed are words I know, Sophia.

Or do I? Panic Attack, Anxiety, how about love? Would I have done it for Braxton? What did Meatloaf sing:

That’s The End. Fatherhood. Manhood. Braxton. B’s Real Ending, Virgil

“And I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that
I won’t do that.”
Song by Meat Loaf ‧ 1993

1762 Days Without B III, Day 1203 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 146 ~Daddy, B, V, She~

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There are too many days I’m worried about. Braxton lived moment to moment. I promised him… A good Dad? I tried to be. Siblings? Well, Virgil was the first. A step-mom and two-legged siblings. It’s been three months since my breakup. Daddy, B, V, She.

Monday, November 24, 2025

Journey 146 ~Daddy, B, V, She~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Don’t believe me? You haven’t cried all day. Not even for M Anime. Your third month without her. Me?

That’s all it took for your eyes to glaze over. You would have listened to my playlist all day and been bawling your eyes out. But like father and son, right? Or from King Ezekiel.

“And yet, I smile. For we will mine glory from the rock of struggle this day. We will honor and protect this… this bastion of life in a land of the dead, and we will win. You trust the king… we will win. I smile… I laugh… I rejoice this day… for on this day, we are joined in purpose and vision… we are of a singular heart and mind. On this day, we are one!”
King Ezekiel, Some Guy

Honestly, today is the closest we’re getting to “that week.” The ending of January 2021. I’m supposed to be the one who makes you feel better, Dad. And neither one of us likes thinking about that week. But I remember. You didn’t think I knew, but I did, my father.

It helped me to take my mind off myself. I worried about you, and you were trying not to hurt me because there was such… RAGE. You were never bad. You simply kept your distance. Virgil is just like me.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Distance meant my brother and I slept at the foot of the bed instead of right next to you, Dad. You even had to play sick today because I think you’ve decided what to do.

Wednesday, Friday? You got Chicken Noodle Soup and Sprite. Black parenting. I remember when you were really sick, and I would lie beside you. Virgil again is very much the same. And M Anime. She was gone before E-Day, Virgil’s Birthday, and whatever is going on now. The Bad Place? We both hate the Bad Place? But you would tell me that’s how you got me French Fries, so you had to go there even if it k*lled you Dad. And if you go in on Wednesday or Friday… Don’t think that… To join me.

Heart attack, stroke, and any other disease that MAGA and the Cracker Hats have unleashed. I was there for the entire Trump term. FDT! But this isn’t about them, Daddy.

Today isn’t even about M Anime. She’s been gone three months, and she gets nothing.

“I’ve been gone, I’ve been gone for way too long.” “Only God Knows Why,” or as you would say, only Braxton knows why. Today is “All About You.” Again, like father, like son. Or more like the tunes of Jeymus Samuel and “The Book Of Clarence.” What about your book, my father? My book. Virgil will get one someday. M Anime has several. And why? Because of the Day Job. You’re scared, seething, but also somebody. Daddy, B, V, She

“I really don’t want the end of creation to be my fault.”
Succubus Lord 3

“Evil is nourished and grows by concealment.”
― The Aeneid

1758 Days Without B III, Day 1199 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son