Tag: Tears

Saga 068 ~B My Age V~

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Today is the second worse day of existence, E-Day. The first is the day B died. The third involves “Tifa Lockhart’s dress.” The fourth is starting the Day Job. But let’s focus on today or not. To not have to emerge or exist today being 38. B My Age V

Wednesday, September 7, 2022

Saga 068 ~B My Age V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, at the age of 38. If that were true, then Happy E-Day. Of course, I’m not.

I should preface this because I’m writing on Sunday, September 4, 2022. You know I don’t want to do a damn thing on E-Day. Except that it vanishes. Hell! I need a break now, Inspector. But if I have any chance to … FUCK survive! The one thing I can’t fail at Inspector Echo. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I have to do something today. Air conditioning? The money I don’t have to help Virgil be more comfortable. And as for myself? Existence? Inspector, if I wanted to die, I could block my Olds’ numbers. Inevitable what’s coming. It’s only going to get worse. And without Braxton but with Virgil here. I should have thought about that. I’m amazed I rise every day.

Who knows, I might get lucky. We’re still dealing with the real-world Inspector Echo. Now that being said. As I spoke to my Future Wife, what do I want for E-Day, the 38th ha? The song says, “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” Inspector, to DIE. Simple and plain. I wake up on fire anyway, trying to comfort a puppy, don’t I? Speaking of a drooling dog, how about a drooling me? I’ve seen Braxton’s aunt Carolina naked, sure. Or at least her Yabbos. Either way, she won’t say anything about E-Day out of respect or forgetfulness. Then, of course, there’s Cherry and M Anime. Ha-Ha, that’s so funny. Cherry doesn’t know. M Anime… “Not That Kind” of girl.

Ok, that goes for both of them, to be honest. The other girls I know… or could pay for, um? Did I mention I’m right here with the door open to get air and help V with the heat? Yep. No money. But if I work today, I can get out of the house and find a fan or something. Echo, what will I do come the actual day? What about in the future as I do Endure and Survive? I looked up where I was last year. There were 37 things on that list, and not one was finished. Chronicle 068 ~B III The Emergence~. Lying, I did get a new battery. At my age, what have I done? To B My Age V

Chronicle 068 ~B III The Emergence~

584 Days Without B III, Day 025 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

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“And I’ll be better when I’m older. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life,” as the song plays on and the beat goes on. I’m not much of a fan of Morgan Freeman now. But V keeps looking at me like I’m the president and can save us. B, V, Are Fans

Saturday, September 3, 2022

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s cash to fan me. But coming to you today… there are only tears.

Anybody that doesn’t think tears cool has never met Lucifer or committed an act of Treachery. So why am I crying at six in the morning? Hell! It should have been four, but whatever, Lunalesca. Anyway, the first thought on my mind wasn’t Virgil sleeping next to me but my lost Braxton. Not a day goes by where I don’t replay how Braxton died, Lu. Right now, it’s that scene from Angel “A Hole in the World” S5.E15. Wesley, Winfred! Only as the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus,” or God, whatever. I would sacrifice the whole world; I would lose my soul; anything that could have saved my boy’s life. But there was nothing but an easy death. A murder Lunalesca.

“I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m not scared. Please, (Daddy). Why can’t I stay?” A Hole in the World

Not by the vets but by thy own hand. The worse day of this entire existence. Speaking of which, next to Braxton’s dying day is E-Day. To be 38? How did I spend last night? Virgil and I lied here under one of two fans in the house. In case you’re wondering, I carried him out into the cool air at five, which is much better than being here with me. He needed a bathroom break. After, I had to beg him to take food and water. He’s alone now. But all night, he cuddled close to me as if to say, “I know you can save us.” At the price of a few thousand or more… No, I can’t. But getting out of bed?

If I go anywhere today, it will be to get him a fan or some sort of small AC for his room. V comes before me. Yeah, like B, these batteries, or any set of bazongas that’ll have me, Lu. I can’t look forward to any of those for E-Day, huh? No girl can abide in this heat, I know. If a man wants an angel, he must make a Heaven for her. Unless you’re Jacob, who had two fallen angels and his Ariel. The things I wasted money on at the expense of fans. Braxton, Virgil. And now that the shit has hit the fan… I really need a new one. Dante had Beatrice and Virgil cheering him on. Myself? B, V, Are Fans.

580 Days Without B III, Day 021 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 062 ~Between B and V~

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Between B and V… what do I look like, Sesame Street or place? A monster but a lot less cute, not that I can think of things like that right now. I have a fur baby next to me, and I wonder who he is. Do I even know what day it is? Between B and V

Thursday, September 1, 2022

Saga 062 ~Between B and V~

578 Days Without B III, Day 019 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s the “1st Of Tha Month,” and I’m talking to you… Wednesday, August 24, 2022.

I’m not sure anymore. By this time, I suppose I’ll be reading another book on reincarnation, trying to decide. If anything, I choose you, Braxton. Nothing against Virgil. Hell! I’ve spent most of today with him sleeping beside me. A bonding experience to share tomorrow… I should, but the idea that we’re talking well today? You know by the time you read this, I’ve had a day full of Humiliations Galore. Of course, your grandpa is always a million times worse. It’s not the fleshlight I keep in the bathroom, the recent gnat infestation B. Nor is it your destroyed pillow. I’m so sorry, Braxton. It’s a fact I couldn’t hide Virgil from him today. You know how I tried. What his being here means…

If anything, I ain’t happy. Like the song goes, “And in this moment I am happy, happy. I wish you were here.” To be around your grandpa once again? I wouldn’t want that for you. But then again, who are you, what are you, where are you? Between you, Virgil? Again reading all about repose, release, and reincarnation. Can’t I read more about a “Succubus?” Ha-Ha! The song I sang is from a band called “Incubus.” An easy choice, B III. If only all of existence was like that. That’s something that Virgil has over you, and again I’m sorry. I haven’t done anything to change my… let’s say, the status of existence since he’s been here, but I wish. As Republicans think, “Furries” have a way of complicating things.

Speaking of complicated, again. I’m talking to you today telling you these things, and what about tomorrow? Ask the Day Job. I chose to chat with you today because of well today. And tomorrow? That’s August 25, 2022. I’ll talk to you instead of going to the Day Job. Money? Haven’t I been talking about being so broke? I choose zero over the pittance, right? Everything that is between us, or is there nothing at all? I keep looking at Virgil lying here like you once did… do now? I don’t know anything. My ABCs and 123’s? And sometimes death seems so close, then far away. The reason Virgil is between me and the nightstand. Your shrine but in the drawer… Between B and V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 061 ~B Nice, V’s Mad~

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Don’t write angry or do? I read before you should pick a subject you’re pissed about and use that as your catalyst. Black men, women, southern living, and a dog. Hell! Am I a Republican? But I’m not above the law of existence. “B Nice, V’s Mad.”

Wednesday, August 31, 2022

Saga 061 ~B Nice, V’s Mad~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and seeing how it’s only Friday, August 26, 2022; I’m still mad as Hell. So, sorry.

By the time you see this well, Wednesday will be the easiest day next to Sunday. I do mean hours-wise. Sundays are never easy, and you know why. Every day, B III is dead. Or is he? I can’t be sure what book I’m reading right now. But I have the papers right here, Echo.

Braxton in a box… $779.56
Fixing The Air Conditioner… $630.00
Birthdays and Boobies attempts… $290.00
To Adopt Virgil Vivi… $150.00

Now, who should I be more pissed at? If I hadn’t become so indifferent towards B, the box wouldn’t have been necessary. His picture frame, two pendants, last meds, presents. Playing the Devil’s Advocate… I got $150 from Braxton’s grandma. And that was used 559 days later for Virgil Vivi…

But over the past three weeks, I have spent $1,070. And all for what? I keep saying this, don’t I, Inspector? I would rather burn. And yes, I am entirely aware (fuck you, Hemingway “LY”) that this is all my fault. Um, the boobs and the boy, sure, but I didn’t fuck up the AC. And again, I have no right to complain when I look at the everyday bills. I swear right now, Inspector. I thought the moment my “father” saw Virgil, if he called him a mutt or anything, I would fight. I’d probably lose (yes fuck you, Hemingway). But to leave, Echo? So back to swearing… if my “father” talks about me paying for other home improvements, he can have this place.

Well, fuck, it’s his anyway, to be precise. Where will I go? What will I do? I can’t take V with me, so I’ll send him back. As they say in The Handmaid’s Tale, by his hand. Mine or his? All I wanted to do this month to Existence/Emergence day is live. Maybe some steak. Hell! Learn more about Virgil and, like Braxton, keep him safe and comfortable. That’s all. Ok, you got me… I could look at some titties too. While I’m here. At the Day Job, “I’m here.” But from the 7th to the 26th… Am I still here on the 31st? And fuck even seeing E-Day Echo. Nice, where B is? Is V mad? I am, I’m here. B Nice, V’s Mad

577 Days Without B III, Day 018 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

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First class grade A… now, I know that doesn’t sound like me. A loser? B didn’t think so. See, I should stop saying it. Destroying myself writing things like this. Fury has no other outlet, though. V’s been here 14 days, and I’m failing V’s No Grade B

Saturday, August 27, 2022

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I couldn’t care less how that makes me look as a human being. An asshole?

Can’t say I know the wealthy, well-off, or wantonly wasteful people in this existence, ok? As is becoming routine, my son. B III is priceless. Only do I treat him as such? Even with my memories of him? There haven’t been many this week. And dare I imagine why Lu. Now I won’t compare V to B, Lady Lunalesca. We’re two weeks in Lu, and I still don’t know who I’m talking to. Oh, and fuck you, Hemingway! I was saying that a lot yesterday. Anyway, at least Virgil isn’t hacking quite as much. If there is anything, I don’t need more of… FEAR. Could I afford a doctor for Little V? I couldn’t afford one for myself. Being honest. My health grade… a D.

Must I always be thinking with my dick? Hell! I already failed this week, Lunalesca. Inevitable, was it not? But besides being horny, there’s been the heat and this hatred. These days if it hasn’t been watching for the next person to fuck me over… I make myself sound oppressed, the ideal Republican. Or what the GOP thinks about a guy like me, Lunalesca. I don’t mean to get all political today. As usual, I’m too busy being a selfish bastard to worry about the rest of the world outside. I’m tired, fucking exhausted, Luna. Ask me why I’m sitting at the dining room table again today. Besides the A/C… I paid for it and have cut it off. Waking up, an A for anger.

And after dicking around for an hour… it’s 5:50 in the morning now. I have witnessed how much of a failure I am as a human being. An F for Friday and another now, and the day has yet to begin. I’m hoping my “father” forgot about me but did that work at all Friday? So what’s the plan for today? Finances, I doubt I have time for furries, Virgil being the exception. Not that I could buy him anything even if I wanted to. Oh, next week is fucked. Anything to start putting some funds back, the pittance they are. Is writing fun? But over the next week, all there will be is FURY. My sons are better men. Virgil… V’s No Grade B

573 Days Without B III, Day 014 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 055 ~V, Hiding B’s Things~

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Virgil hasn’t found B’s favorite hiding spot. I’m having a hard time hiding B’s things that I don’t want V touching. Yesterday we weren’t able to hide from “family.” The best of which is gone. Or reincarnated into a furry body. V, Hiding B’s Things

Thursday, August 25, 2022

Saga 055 ~V, Hiding B’s Things~

571 Days Without B III, Day 012 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? The most I can say about today is I’m hiding from money… And Humiliations Galore

In preparation for when I can’t, I talked to you yesterday, which WILL be “The 1st Of Tha Month.” If I haven’t told you before, time can be a bitch. Of course, you learned that, seeing as how you left me for HER. I’m sorry, B, I didn’t mean to sound harsh, but I’m hot, horny, and headed back to sleep as though this existence depends on it. Existence? B III, it’s going on twelve days now. And I still don’t know who I’m talking to. It’s why Virgil isn’t sitting with me at the moment. As I said, I explained a bit of this yesterday, the 24th, so I wouldn’t have to on the 1st. To exist in secrets, silence, from sin. Existence hidden

For the most part, yesterday. I’m hot because the A/C’s busted again, so I had to text your grandpa and his friend. Anyway, he’s looking for the air filter, which we still haven’t found, and as I said, “in the future.” It wasn’t that shit was a mess, the secrets strewn about, or the sex toys. B, it’s the fact that your grandpa found Virgil and dares to think someone can take my son’s place. Not now, Triple B, and not ever. But are you him, is V you? I ask. I’m still mad about your pillow, which was my fault. I keep your bed and your favorite toy far away. Or so I try. Virgil sniffed it once; he knew better. You died there.

The bed’s never been washed, Braxton. Never will. With what happened to the pillow… Other things I’m hiding from? Yep making any cash. But next week’s already fucked up! I wish I could hide the bed from myself. As if we haven’t fallen asleep on the couch, B III. Is there a way to cover up Virgil’s fear of everything? Hell! He’s known me for twelve days. Well, you’ve known me for 15 years. More? He’s not my son… Dare Virgil, aspire to become you? Braxton, that’s way too much to ask anyone. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you always and forever. If anything, I need to find this damn air filter. But to burn, feel Treachery’s freeze… V, Hiding B’s Things.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 054 ~B Making Mistakes V~

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A mistake is my waking up this morning. It’s telling Virgil he’ll be fine when he’s hacking up a storm like B would before his meds. It’s wanting desperately to believe in reincarnation. How about calling “family” for anything? “B Making Mistakes V.”

Wednesday, August 24, 2022

Saga 054 ~B Making Mistakes V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Chasing the money is a mistake. But compared to all the other ones in my existence.

Of course, I’ll always bring up the greatest mistake I made. I killed Braxton. Inspector, I’m going to be doing a lot of crying today. My first tears should always be for my boy. And speaking of boys, what about Virgil? I’m a bad man Inspector; thus, my weekly confessions. Oh, and fuck you, Hemingway. LY-words. I swear what’s wrong with them; pardon my French.

Regarding speaking, Virgil hasn’t had one day without a coughing fit or several. And what am I doing to help him? Billionaires make a lot of mistakes, human-wise. But with fur babies? Haven’t I said before I’m broke? I’m losing more and more by the day. And I’m making excuses… The “Walk in” contract and “Soul Braiding.” Talk about reincarnation

But before I can think of finding an “animal communicator,” There’s today’s great fear, E. He’s coming. My old man. Wasn’t that the problem? And now he has to see his mistake of a son and why? I paid $380 for something that broke in less than two weeks. I’ll burn. Inspector, I ain’t paying again when this was all him, but what about Virgil’s environment. 11 days Inspector and I’m not sending him back. As much as everything screams such. So, can I keep him away from my “father?” What will he think? And V with his coughing? There is a reason Braxton and I are family, all alone. Two against the world, Inspector. Tell me, is it a mistake? This seems like punishment.

Is it my ass is finally getting Jobed as in the “Book of Job.” But I’m not one for God. Inspector, my body is wracked with sickness, and my head is fucked up with grossness. Hell! I didn’t tell you what I did yesterday, but (sigh) I’m starting back at one again. I swear porn really is the Devil next to my “father.” Inspector, again I’ll burn than spend money. I’m losing tons of it every day. There is still V to consider, and if things keep up this way? What happened to Braxton is my greatest sin, but you see the date, Inspector? Fuck! Waking up to this another year, every single morning… NOPE! Why make more mistakes, Inspector Echo? B Making Mistakes V

570 Days Without B III, Day 011 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

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When B was alive, besides his aunt, I only talked to the people I needed to. And that was for him. The groomer, vet, stores, crappy Day Job, etc. Now it’s been a week, and I’m teaching Virgil his name. He’ll need other people too. A B V Conversation.

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how did I get started? I think THEY say every day is a new beginning.

I’ve faced a few this week. First time saying goodbye to a new furry kid. I got mad at him last night for stealing a chicken bone. How to start punishments? Virgil didn’t know. Such is my Republican tendency to punish someone who didn’t know. Of course, I’m the guiltiest by far. And not only for my laziness. As always, I want to fall back to sleep Lady Lunalesca. I’ve been thinking a lot about going to see a doctor. I know I’m sick. Nope, not COVID ill, but I’ve been fucked up for months. And not just from crying over Braxton. Hell! These days there have been plenty of tears and how I haven’t drowned yet is beyond me. Sweating and other things, dammit!

I haven’t made “The Long Walk” to the back of PetSmart since I picked up what remained of my son. It’s surreal, Lady Lunalesca. Braxton’s ashes rest on the nightstand. And on the same side, I have little Virgil breathing beside me. It’s been one whole week with him, ok? The voices continue to shout, “send him back, send him back.” A psychiatrist too, Lu? How about a priest while I’m at it? Someone to talk to that offers any type of relief, release, or rapture. Which reminds me, what about B’s aunt, since I’m no longer looking for new “best friends.” I’m in the process of teaching Virgil his own name. His middle name? There’s still no movement on that front. Running in place.

The only thing that might get me out of this bed is the promise of nachos. Since finishing the Succubus Lord series, I’ve had a craving. Oh, and for sex too. I broke on Thursday. Yeah, M Anime’s birthday. I wonder why… I’m sure I’ll be telling Lucifer someday, right? But for now, where am I going? My words are falling on deaf ears. That’s not me complaining about being a writer. What was I doing all yesterday? It wasn’t much of that at all, honest. And what will I be doing today? I have to go somewhere, and Virgil is trying for sure. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m broke. What does that matter when having A B V Conversation?

566 Days Without B III, Day 007 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 048 ~B’s Pillow, V’s Fight~

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Last week I spoke of money. I need a new pillow, and even if it’s the same as the old one, it won’t be B’s or even V’s. A new bed, collar, bowls for food and water, toys. As for me? Pants to keep on when I’m stressed. B’s Pillow, V’s Fight.

Thursday, August 18, 2022

Saga 048 ~B’s Pillow, V’s Fight~

564 Days Without B III, Day 005 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine is just beginning, and I have so much to ponder. 99 Problems. But pillows.

Shall we start with the obvious… “What the Hell are you talking about? Who are you talking to?” Are you somewhere in Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or warm in Hell? Or are you lying right here next to me? I swear I keep coming up with more reasons for Virgil. Then again, if this is you beside me, he can’t walk up the stairs. I’m already so tired, B III. He hacks every time I try and touch him. Do you recall how I had to get your heart meds? And I did mention being exhausted. I have to watch Virgil, or you like a hawk around the house. I don’t have any trust at all. Which led to two problems yesterday and this morning.

And why I’m so mad. Last night V or you had an accident on your pillow. So I thought I’d try to wash it. And well, as you can see. My heart broke, and I cried over dinner, B III. Well, the stress got to me this morning. Between a girl in pink panties and a video game… FUCK! I’m back to day one when I was on Day 27. Your Dad’s quite pathetic. Did I mention I’m also broke? It’s M Anime’s birthday. Happy Birthday, M Anime! But you never met her B. If this is you beside me, you could meet her one day. If not, well, never. Yet I don’t think of her as your aunt. Talk about women and “dirty pillows.”

So we’ve had references from “The Truman Show” and now “Carrie.” V or you and I have yet to watch a movie together. It’s only been 5 days. Instead of crying or what I did this morning… Hell! I would have been better off shopping for pillows, but I’m looking. As always, I want to go back to bed. Which I did for a while. When I woke up, somebody needed a bathroom break. If anything, I need a break period from my Republican ideas. “Send him back, send him back!” I go back and forth. Only how could I do that to you if this is you? The pillow is trashed, and I’m hiding the bed. Laying down or fighting? B’s Pillow, V’s Fight.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 047 ~Language B To V~

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I’d say, love you B, love you, Braxton, I instead say later V, later Virgil. I let Virgil out as I go to shake B III’s bottles and call to him. I go running when I hear Virgil cry, but I don’t know what for. Better than ignoring B… “Language B To V.”

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Saga 047 ~Language B To V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but a trillion would be better. But who am I to talk about money? Speaking finance…

I should be learning dog. Um, the idea of that brings tears to my eyes this AM, to be honest. I spoke Braxton Barks Bradford for 15 years. And now there is Virgil Vivi Bradford. Inspector is that the name I’m going with. And why does it have to start with a V. Didn’t I say if I brought a “daughter” home, I would stick with B’s? Beatrice Belle Bradford? Only I couldn’t do that for another “son.” Is “Virgil” Braxton reincarnated? Keeping the faith… Anyway, back to name calling. I’ve been looking up V names, and Vivi came to me. As in Vivi Ornitier from Final Fantasy IX. Other name contenders are the following:

  1. Vivi
  2. Vader
  3. Valor/Valiant
  4. Victor
  5. Voodoo

With all this thinking comes another confession. I’ve spent more on women than on Braxton or Virgil. I swear August is not the month for me. And it’s only going to get worse with Existence/Emergence E-Day coming soon. Add Gotcha Day, Inspector. So I spent $150.00 on Virgil. Then take the $290.00 on Amazon to buy birthday gifts. Am I an idiot? Hell! I wouldn’t be lonely for an hour on the dreaded E-Day for that type of cash. Like the song goes, “All I wanted was to see her naked.” Yeah, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. Ask MILF Dos or Cherry. And how many “free” subscriptions do I have on OnlyFans? Not that I can think of that with Virgil around now.

It’s only been four days. How long did it take me to learn about Braxton? Well, he had three other people, but Virgil only has me. “May God be with you all,” meaning us both. I’ve often said that I stopped talking to God after losing my son. Now I task my Virgil to see me through this Hell that I call existence. No pressure for the little guy, Inspector. Veni, Vidi, Vici, “I came; I saw; I conquered!” That might make an excellent name to be honest. But what do you think, Inspector? If anything, I’m getting ideas for a new book to write. Anything to avoid talking to Virgil, like learning his language. To explain all this to Braxton… Language B To V

“Try as I may, I don’t know these men… their music, their camaraderie– which is different from ours. I am placed in a position where, if l were a man of real strength… I might do a great deal. But I am afraid I shall show that I’m not of much account. I don’t want to stand in their way because of my own weakness.”

563 Days Without B III, Day 004 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will