Tag: Fatherhood

Saga 282 ~To B’s Level V~

WillLeave a comment

Get on my level… um, yeah. Braxton had a look he would give me. Like every time, I was STUP… well, less than his Dad, anyway. Or when I wasn’t writing and instead watching YouTube. And the time I wasted on Easter? What? I ain’t Jesus. To B’s Level V.

Sunday, April 9, 2023

Saga 282 ~To B’s Level V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means RISE and shine because life is good. A “Good Day,” “Lovely Day,” and so on.

RISE! Is that my advice to you today? Is that a challenge? It is the order, a gift, to Braxton. As it has been, going on 798 Days now. You RISE as a murderer. And considering you have done so, you have yet to face punishment. Dammit! If falling out of bed at 38 killed. If Virgil keeps pushing, you’ll bust your head on the vent this week. You can Hope. Define what HOPE is, like so many other words. To see Braxton again? If he did cross the “Rainbow Bridge,” up in Heaven, Elysium, some good place. Will you make it there? Braxton never showed me how. Good Dog? Not as foreign as “Deshi Basara.” Remember from The Dark Knight Rises? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Wait for Me in the Rainbow by Laura Vidal, Georgia Delena
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 100 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

The things you remember, like “Why Do We Fall?” The song, not the actual reasoning. How about the promise? Will you try not to be an asshole Republican today or tomorrow? We don’t “whitewash” or completely erase history here. Like Mike Enslin in “1408,” “We came here to get the story, and we don’t rattle, do we?” Message from Braxton. There’s also the line, “We’re here to do the job, and we don’t rattle.” You think you’re too deep into Pop Culture. Right? No denying that. But Braxton always did know how to reach you. Friend, son, brother… the best man you’ve ever known. And to think you raised him. You raised him (sigh). Put him on your level and then beyond. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING How to ROAR: Pet Loss Grief
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 100 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And that’s why you’re trying to reach him through what? These Things. What about V? Hell! How many times have I failed? I was thinking about that. When I was trying to fix the blog yesterday. And when I talked to Cherry, she asked. “Is sex all you think about?” Yeah, feeling like the scum of the Earth. There’s also being “kicked off,” um… Anyway. Seeing as how it’s Easter Sunday and it was once tradition to watch “The Ten Commandments” (1956). Though you’re thinking more The Prince of Egypt” and that song from Boyz II Men, “I Will Get There.” Again promise to Triple B. Not then, but now. “Neva Eva,” get on my level, ho. Until you’ve lived, succeeded? To B’s Level V

798 Days Without B III, Day 239 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 277 ~Ringing B’s Mother Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Should’ve put a ring on it or something. I know I’m not looking for love; I’m no fighter. But I did watch NXT and “WrestleMania.” I absolutely hate it when the phone rings… No wonder I never found Braxton a mom, um, stepmom. Ringing B’s Mother Virgil

Tuesday, April 4, 2023

Saga 277 ~Ringing B’s Mother Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And that ain’t ever gonna change. Hell! I have no interest in buying Twitter. But Reincarnation?

The man I used to be. Believe it or not, I was a single father before I met you… Sorry. Baby girl, I know you aren’t like one of “those” people. You’re not like anyone I have ever known before, and that’s the thing. My son was unlike anyone I had ever met. Braxton was/is love. And if it hadn’t been for him… Well, I was pretty effed up. To say the least. This explains how I’m feeling right now. The pain comes and goes. It gets worse. And the fact remains that I don’t give a damn. Um? Okay, I’m not rushing back to the Doc anytime soon after what happened last time. I can’t stand people. Most people… But as Taylor Swift sang:

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”
Taylor Swift

Are the kids into her? It’s not something I should have to ask if I was doing my job, ha. Not a job, being a father. For as long as I wanted to be one. How about a husband too? And a good man. I figured B III would be a part of that, as I’ve said. Many, many times. This would be a family for both of us. Except I ain’t sharing your boobs. Like father, like son, hehe. It always makes me smile when I think about him being hugged by his aunt. And as much as I enjoy Star Wars, B would not let me dress him up for anything I know. And then there’s The Walking Dead. My zombie apocalypse buddy

If anything, that’s how I feel right now. I’ve been better, and I’ve been worse. But sometime last night, it was like, DAMN. I’m staying hydrated and trying to rest plenty. Braxton would be all over me right about now. But considering this is like The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Oh no, I didn’t forget. And I wouldn’t want my son involved in this. Only I would try to get well for his sake. If something happened to me? Braxton and I were all, “We ride together. We die together. Bad boys for life.” Now there’s you, kids, V. (Looks at your ring, the phone, Virgil without a collar). Ringing B’s Mother Virgil

793 Days Without B III, Day 234 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 275 ~WANTED! My B. Virgil…~

WillLeave a comment

Wanted Dead or Alive… Most days, I’m unsure which side of the line I fall on. In either case, I don’t want to get up. I had to for Braxton, which made it worth it. Now I’m wanted as a joke, a criminal or a slave. What do I want? WANTED! My B. Virgil.

Sunday, April 2, 2023

Saga 275 ~WANTED! My B. Virgil…~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means the world is mine. As for you, sadness, sickness. And oh so many sins (sigh).

But it always begins with B III. And that annoyance you feel right now? Hell! The only reason you don’t want to sit here right this second? There’s the fur baby against your leg. It beats calling him “The Freeloader.” But of course, you would know all about that, wouldn’t you? When you waste the weekend the way you did. Please do it for Braxton. Right? Now I can’t name one thing I did yesterday that mattered. Talk about spending money. I can’t say a dollar went towards mourning him. Or even helping out Little Virgil: hotdog buns and a bit of a biscuit. And now you have to go shopping. Staying in bed as Virgil sleeps or leaving. Then there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Black Women’s History of the United States (5)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 093 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Notice that healing is not among them. Yet, you did feel good this morning. Whatever do you mean? Five hours without feeling sick is considered a win at this time. At this time? I am so sick of time, and you will be too. Every minute of every day, sadly. Yesterday, I timed it so I would be back to watch NXT Stand & Deliver. Only to see that I had missed an hour and a half. Now sure, streaming. Then there were six hours of WrestleMania. And isn’t it funny I didn’t get sick? That only happens when… living. Please! That won’t ever be the right word. But when trying to do something, anything. Not being all “Mesmerizing Caroline.” Capable of Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Wait for Me in the Rainbow by Laura Vidal, Georgia Delena
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Speaking of Caroline, that’s exactly what I mean, how she’s all into sex. Or otherwise, she’s mad as all hell. She’s unfocused; she’s a wreck. Your son, sleeping, or anything sexual. Otherwise, you’ll be effed up. That’s my advice to you. Answer the question, though. What do you want? That should have made the Impossible Things list. Finding that out. Impossible, Inane, Insane… Illegal? One of each? But at this moment, if there was Braxton? Again you want him back. But that’s not going to happen now. Is it? Reincarnation! Thoughts of such are Inane but why? Insane, how many OF subscriptions have I bought? And to join Braxton? Well, murder is illegal, but Euthanasia… what happened to B III. Yourself. WANTED! My B. Virgil…

791 Days Without B III, Day 232 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 270 ~Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Love Hurts again. And it’s ringing true like Hell’s Bells. Listen to me repeating myself. But this week has been notably more painful, and it’s only Tuesday. B cried on a Wednesday, and by Sunday, he was dead. What Is Love? Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil

Tuesday, March 28, 2023

Saga 270 ~Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I’m starting to understand the Squid Game VIPs; I’m not bored. No love, I grieve.

I hope you’re ready because there will be plenty of pop culture references today. From Korean TV to Namor “The Child Without Love.” Sigh. I love the wrong way. There’s that movie “Everything, Everything.” Amandla Stenberg (Homer drool) eek. Do you remember her mother lying to her to keep her safe? Only it was the mom who had issues. B III would have acted like he was okay to keep me “happy,” whatever. The dad did the same thing to Alexa Vega in “REPO: The Genetic Opera.” He made her intentionally sick and locked her away to protect her from the world. But at the same time to never risk losing her. Then there’s Gwyneth Paltrow in Great Expectations, and she knew what her aunt did. She talks about daylight…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12W7JNx24Is

The way she was taught to fear love. If you knew how many places my mind could go with talk of love. Hell! Before I can even say it to you, I cry for the first one that I love. I still love Braxton. But I always return to that day. No! That week. Because all there was, was indifference. The more things change, the more they stay the same, my love. I love you. Only I’m doing it wrong. “It’s my heart, and it’s broken,” Finn said. So what can be expected of me? I can give you my definition of love. That’s easy, something like this: The want, need, ability, and desire; to put whatever before yourself. I love you, them, him… Virgil?

But I effing hate me. It’s the only thing I’ve ever done better than my father. How he threatened to kill me. No, asshole! I’ve gone ahead and gotten close. Starvation, dehydration, pills, a gun, everything. When Braxton died, talk about the nail in the coffin. And when I realized Virgil wasn’t him, well… But I have you, our children, Virgil. Today’s last comparison… Will Traynor from “Me Before You.” So that’s how I feel, love. How dare I, right? He was paralyzed. And I would be selfish to leave, but that’s my right, right? And STUPID about my Braxton. But it’s selfish asking you to stay; I love you. Only it’s wrong to love in such ways. I think so Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil.

“What do you usually do?”
“I don’t do anything Miss. Clarke, I sit and just about exist.”
Me Before You

786 Days Without B III, Day 227 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 268 ~I’ll B Angry Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

If I were to write about everything making me angry… That’s another book, a way to stay awake or WOKE. And it is libel to get me arrested at some point. But yeah, I’m angry. Like The Hulk, I’m always angry. Mostly at B being gone. I’ll B Angry Virgil

Sunday, March 26, 2023

Saga 268 ~I’ll B Angry Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And even if that makes me a horrible “human being,” it’s better than you… Well, horror movies.

And before you forget, as I did. You should watch “Making of The Last of Us.” If anything, that’s the least of what’s making you mad today. And you did wake up angry… again. As always, it begins with one single truth. Braxton is dead. Father to a murdered son and all that. And you’re the one that did it, so… well, you signed the papers anyway. Always remember. After that, everything should be easier to deal with. But you don’t want to, ha. Now before you turn all selfish, there’s Virgil. How terrible are you? Your side hurts as he lies against it. The way he’s breathing is much different from Braxton’s. You remember how he’d hack in fear for days… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Carry On: Reflections for a New Generation” John Lewis
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 086 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

That was one of his he needed to get over. But you? It was only last night; I was looking at the PetSmart where I got him from. When was the last Saturday I visited? Humiliation? The knowledge that I wasn’t the right person for Virgil. Hmm? What about you, though? You’ll have a hard enough time dealing with people this week. And to think I wasted most of yesterday trying not to think about today. Even though the Day Job schedule is in black and white, you were expecting a phone call. Speaking of which, is it eight yet? Outside? Oh, what? You’re that eager to take off your pants… effing edging? I wasted fifteen bucks. Titties on OnlyFans. No tits, and wanting to see Cherry’s. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Black Women’s History of the United States (5)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Like getting over The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Or The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. You have to say that at least once a week. I did snag you some vitamins to try. You would have preferred a sex toy. And what about some actual food for the week? You’ve had pepper dogs and onion rings for two days, ha. And that’s the biggest thing. Well, other than your Enormous Penis… Okay, I’ll stop, hmm. Save that for OnlyFans. At least you fixed things with that woman. Eight out of ten, she says, on your dick. The only affirmation you’re getting today, all because of effing anger. Tomorrow it’s not going anywhere. Today, sitting in bed. I’ll B Angry Virgil.

784 Days Without B III, Day 225 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Love Hurts? A song that I’ve never liked but rings true. Since I’m never happy with it. I’m always hungry in one way or another for it. And effing horny. Well, except when I’m mourning my son. For 161 days. And to hurt anyone else. “To B Hurt Virgil”

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I will never be hurt again. Oh, sure, I’ll claim victimhood like a Republican.

“I believe I can see the future,” as the song goes. Do rich people have time machines? I still want my Braxton back but damn. The worst pain I’ve ever felt, I keep telling myself today. Today is Sunday, March 19, 2023. Time Travel! But today, Trump is supposed to be arrested. Is anyone hurt? And who? If anything, the pain has become my constant, my love. Hell! Am I becoming like M Anime? Before Braxton died, I can’t say I was ever at 100% at any time. It was more of a “But I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell. I know, right now, you can’t tell.” Does my singing help, or does it hurt your ears? My ass is kicked thinking about my “Lost Boy.” Always Braxton.

Remember when it was only these ears hurting me? Saying “I love you,” always, forever? Braxton couldn’t speak such a thing. But he was the only man I ever listened to. Talk about “love is louder.” What’s with all the pop culture references today? Well, I did climb out of bed to talk to you instead of watching whatever and being lazy. My eyes hurt. Better than talking about The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Oh No. That led to The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Oops! I should be looking for medicine. But love, you don’t know how badly I want some. Uh, sexual healing. Or some tacos. The doctor said I should cut out the spicy. But yesterday… yeah

After I was done reading, of course. In a “Study,” not a Man Cave. Braxton’s Mausoleum? Dammit, with all our money, you know I would build one. Failing to save Braxton? Hurting that never goes away. But what about you and me? I can save us. I can fix this. I can save you… Not a day goes by that I don’t think I should have joined my B in death. But you, our children, there’s even Little Virgil upstairs waiting. I don’t know what for. Love? My love. A sadist? Yes, I am, my love. But I take no pleasure from the pains I know. Braxton has known for fifteen years. But always and forever love. I’m just a sucker for pain. One more song. To B Hurt Virgil

779 Days Without B III, Day 220 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 261 ~I’ll B Annoying Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What really annoys me? Air. Being a black man in America, I shouldn’t say that. But I continue to breathe in and out. I listen to members of the GOP that… um, anyway. B III, of course, is missing out, but what is Heaven? While I’ll B Annoying Virgil.

Sunday, March 19, 2023

Saga 261 ~I’ll B Annoying Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you are… well, you want tacos. What’s one more thing not to share with Virgil Vivi?

I shared with Braxton all the time. And look where that got him. I’m sure Virgil doesn’t want to hear about it. Well, that is, if you REALLY talked to him at all. Today or tomorrow? At the moment, you’re only annoyed with yourself, to be honest. Or with me. Apologies. I didn’t learn from The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Oh No. That led to The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. And yes, you’re still sick. To think, brave people, brainy, and God knows better, would be recovering somehow. You hate wearing a watch because you’re clocking your time in Hell. What? 777 days? There are your pendants of Braxton. Oh, your hoody or Linus’s blanket. And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “How to Be an Antiracist” by Ibram X. Kendi
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 079 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Like everything you wear to “act right,” it’s annoying to report my failures every Sunday. And, yes, these are my failures, but Hell! You’ve already failed six, getting out of bed this morning. You won’t have the time for five. Again look at the watch. Sit still! Four was you annoying Virgil by kicking him out of the bedroom. I uploaded all those movies yesterday, and you took advantage of yourself… But like Norah Jones sang out. “I don’t know why I didn’t come.” There’s no time for three, either. And even if you had the whole week, you wouldn’t do anything. As for two, didn’t I say I uploaded new porn? Who are you, Lou effing Bega. Talk about, One-hit wonder… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Carry On: Reflections for a New Generation” John Lewis
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I like Rebekah, Scarlet, Chanel, and Audrey, A little bit of… It’s annoying being pathetic. How about downright STUPID when it comes to M Anime and Cherry? There’s B’s Aunt. And what do you want me to tell you? I’ve read from two highly educated and influential black men. Yeah fuck you Ron DeSantis. And while we’re on the subject fuck Donald Trump too. Do you want to know what else is annoying? Hoping Trump will get what’s coming to him. Only did he ever kill a fur baby? If you weren’t looking up porn. You might know these things. But besides that, you’re looking up medicine and the time. How much does Virgil have? Will you love him like Braxton? I’ll B Annoying Virgil

777 Days Without B III, Day 218 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 256 ~Virgil, B, A Word~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve always given examples of how I know Braxton loves me. One I miss the most is him sitting at the corner of the bed, watching the door. Loving anybody else. The things I do. But I prefer the Word always to love. Always here. Virgil, B, A Word

Tuesday, March 14, 2023

Saga 256 ~Virgil, B, A Word~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And for the love of money or rather why I love money, and you, B, family…

You know that song “More Than Words?” The most romantic way to ask for a blowjob. Whoa! Sorry about that. But I didn’t mention the other B-word, did I? Braxton? Sunday to Tuesday, and every other day that ends in “Y,” time travel. So we’ll always come back to him. I want to talk about “You and me – always – and forever.” What about How Long Will I Love You? And again, More Than Words? Showing you. Well, the words are still there, Baby Girl. All the I love yous and such. You know how I feel about those words. Even though I mean them with everything I am. Will they keep us together? You’re here, and that’s enough. I’m still here. Always, forever…

And so is my Braxton? You have to understand. The one that couldn’t speak a word was also the one that loved me the most. Or at least I hope he still does. Braxton’s, wherever. My Olds might have said the words, “I love you” at some point. My Ma, in particular, I believe. Only it wasn’t the words. It was the fact that they kept up my existence here. Good or bad, the reality is there weren’t only words. There was action from them. Even if I regret it now. Honestly, my love letter to the world would be to never speak, Baby Doll. Everything I said to Braxton when I should have followed him, like taking a walk. Fucking darker than I intended.

Well, today is Sunday. I don’t feel too good at the moment. I’m scared right now. If I’m being honest. And not only because it’s the series finale of The Last of Us. Children, right? Our kids need me, us for sure. And that’s not me being some asshole, Republican. Fucktards screaming about family values. There are all types of families. As long as there’s love. Even if it’s not in so many words. I want them to always know that I do love them. I love them like pancakes, as I always said about B. Really pouring the Bisquick. Yep, into the love of my life. And we made them. So I love you, them, myself, Braxton, the world. Virgil? Virgil, B, A Word

772 Days Without B III, Day 213 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 254 ~B Quiet, Virgil’s Watching~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton’s brave enough to face the rain, but Virgil? If 2V got a B III’s quality, I’d hope it’d be bravery and not wanting an empty belly because… Only V’s two, and B was/is fifteen (eighteen). I’m no role model, either. “B Quiet, Virgil’s Watching.”

Sunday, March 12, 2023

Saga 254 ~B Quiet, Virgil’s Watching~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But you can’t even afford a babysitter… dogsitter, whatever. How you need one right this second, hmm.

Keep in mind if this were Braxton… A few things about that. Virgil ain’t Braxton. Inevitably, he wants to be. Hell! You wish you were as well. Braxton’s Smart, Strong… And unfortunately, you didn’t wake up as a Spirit today. Sorry I continued to exist. Saturday night… yeah, I was all kinds of sick. The Cherry Collision. And this morning? Again, if it were Braxton, it would be more emotional than physical. A fucking illness. Only the more things change, the more they stay the same? Remember Braxton’s pain and panic. The fact he wasn’t eating. And now Virgil leaves an uneaten treat… not again. I hate to say it… well, not really. But you’re acting like a real dick. Too early. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined Mesmerizing Caroline 2
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 065 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 072 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Is Virgil following your lead? I was so in love with dying while Braxton lived. Only it was the soul. And for him, it was his small body with a good heart. Kidneys? Dammit! It’s “Times Like These” I wish I had stuck with becoming a veterinarian. Ha-ha. It’s not like I had role models, okay. As “H” put it, “role models, role models.” Okay, stop. Now you’re thinking about getting in some girl’s pants. Did you have to mention pants? The only reason yours are on is that Virgil was crying. And for what? Do you even care? Because you didn’t when it was Triple B. And look where that got him. And you? All you care about is Triple X. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined “How to Be an Antiracist” Ibram X. Kendi
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At this rate, you should include, being Johnny Sins. Not rushing around sick in one hour. How about paying off some OnlyFans girls. Or thinking about two English vixens, etc. Then you wonder why Virgil is freaking out. He’s quieted down now. So did Braxton. But of all the lessons Braxton could teach the freeloader, usurper, um, Virgil. Being mean? Think of what you have to do today for Virgil’s benefit? You’re being a selfish bastard, though, looking at the clock. It’s only been forty-five minutes. Shows you’re, um, pathetic. “But I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell. I know, right now, you can’t tell.” As the song goes. Any advice? Be as your son. Alive, not dead. Good Luck. B Quiet, Virgil’s Watching

770 Days Without B III, Day 211 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 249 ~Virgil Loves That B~

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So when did I know… love? When I told him to get in the car? Standing between me and my father, fangs ready to protect me. His guard post on the corner of the bed. And how did he know? With his aunt, he knew he loved her easily. “Virgil Loves That B”

Tuesday, March 7, 2023

Saga 249 ~Virgil Loves That B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But my love, at the end of the day, “It’s my heart, and it’s broken.” Still?

No! You would never be so cruel to think it. But to love is to understand. Or at least try. Right now trying to understand why the tears are falling from my eyes. Time travel? Today’s Monday, March 6, 2023. It’s day 765 without B III. You know where I am… There’s no leaving Sunday, January 31, 2021. And yet I couldn’t tell you the day I met my firstborn. There’s no telling the day that it became Braxton and me against the world. Hmm. We could even debate his birthday. But I go with Sunday, February 13, 2005. The day Braxton died, though. I’m like Finnegan Bell from 1998’s Great Expectations, heart and all. Only from all the books I actually read. Well, love…

I’ve been trying to figure out how Braxton knows love. Again I can’t remember the happy days. Yet I remember when Triple B fell in love with his Aunt Carolina. It involved him going all Triple X, X-rated… whoa not that far. Ha-ha. She let him climb all over her. The next thing I knew, he was in love. Or he really liked her boobs. My son the dog; like father like son, ha-ha. I can’t recall when he fell for fries. Particularly McDonald’s. “Sorry, Blame It On Me.” Especially when he started getting older. And he always had that choice of going for a walk or waiting for fries. It could have been that he only wanted to be near me, always and forever.

Working the old Day Job… well, that was fucked up. Hell! I think Virgil understands how I “felt” about that place. Virgil understands? But what about love? Let’s try stairs. Anyway, Braxton didn’t love saying goodbye. Yes, more tears. To think he has that in common with Virgil. Now even with Braxton’s last day. He didn’t want to say goodbye. Those mornings imagining the former Day Job, Virgil will howl and cry for a while. Honestly, my love. Me and those boys, we don’t say goodbyes too well. Nope. Never. Only how do we say hello? I suppose I could crawl all over you. B III, and I know boobs. I could stop running away. We could sit here together, love. Virgil Loves That B

765 Days Without B III, Day 206 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will