Tag: Fatherhood

Tale 008 ~Faceoff: Braxton vs. Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A pillow I effed up soon after V’s arrival, and a can of dog food. I haven’t thrown anything of B’s away. I see his bed every day. I wear the hoody he laid on. But seeing his face… Mine… “No face as hideous as my face.” “Faceoff: Braxton vs. Virgil.”

Sunday, July 9, 2023

Tale 008 ~Faceoff: Braxton vs. Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And existence is easier when you don’t have to see the faces of those you hurt, asshole.

Is it any wonder the sons of former slave owners… grandsons, great-grandsons? Hell! Whatever? Anyway, they don’t want to see African Americans on a greenback… Government (sigh)! It’s how you wake up in the morning. Well, next to the pornography. How you wish you could say you’d give it all up to see Braxton again. Now would you? I mean, really, could you? You could look into Virgil’s little eyes. Between V and B? There would be no contest. Braxton wins. Though you’re not one for putting your boys against each other… How did this day start again? You were mad at Twitter, jerking to some twins, and then? Ahh, missing your son like last night and hearing that song while doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Ark (Forward Collection) by Veronica Roth
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

For the record, in Ark (Forward collection) Kindle Edition by Veronica Roth, the song “Wish You Were Here.” Sam was talking about Pink Floyd and not the one from Incubus. One more reason you believe B is sending you signs. And working for ugly women? That’s pretty harsh. Women you don’t find attractive or that you’ve never seen at all. Although you believe Samantha in the story is “So Hott” and Veronica Roth too. Effer. Effing Pic Phenomenon. I was so scared when that happened. You still are, no doubt. Today though, it’s getting to that point of “I Don’t Care Anymore.” Considering I’ve gotten off to that pixeled mess from some Japanese films. Only “God” knows all the faces you’ve seen. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Thinking On It… Effing Kindle Challenges
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But you wonder if there is such an entity, has he seen your face? And if not, Heaven, uh, no. You’re more self-conscious that B III is somewhere looking at you. Oh, to have shame. That’s why you hate mirrors. To beg that thing on the other side to “Save me from the nothing I’ve become.” I can’t, or I won’t. And it will be the same for you. Frightening. More than any horror movie I’ve seen, or you will. Why do you think you’ll study Necromancy? How to bring the dead back to life. You’re talking about yourself. Only you don’t want to see it. Trust The Process? There are clocks, Virgil’s eyes, people. You’ll see yourself and HATE yourself. Faceoff: Braxton vs. Virgil

889 Days Without B III, Day 330 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 003 ~Fire Works, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

My boys hate fireworks… I know B did. And from Virgil’s behavior from gunfire, thunderbolt, and lightning, very, very frightening. Can’t say I care for fireworks. Except in bed. But what about a girlfriend or a honeymoon. Fire Works, Braxton, Virgil

Tuesday, July 4, 2023

Tale 003 ~Fire Works, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m independent. I’m free. Now I can speak like a member of the GOP…

I’m not in a celebratory mood now despite everything, my love. “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man… a black man.” If I have to explain that to you, we’ve got problems. Other than another day of me mourning my son? 884 days and counting. Not that I consider that a problem. I should be more concerned that I had to look up the term “Compound Nouns.” Um. You don’t have to be a genius to make money in the USA. Ha! I wish I had sooner, as if that would have kept my little boy away from the fire. I’ll stop. Please, a lie if I ever heard one. Am I speaking in a political sense or that of Virgil here?

“Honey and the Moon” Honeymoon? Do we even have a song? Again, today we should be listening to something much more pro-American. I swear, love, much like my B III… Now that is an insult. I’m sad for my son and mad about our country. And it only gets worse. But let me cry about my boy and when it comes to the country. Well, I’ll leave that The Newsroom, nuts, and better Howard Beale from the movie Network. YouTube? Every morning after the alarm, there is a song in my head from Braxton. Playlist? Yeah, I made one yesterday but not for him. Although today it was “Lately” Trinton. Reading the lyrics to that, though… fuck how that describes you and me right now.

Girlfriend? And no, I’m not trying to sound like… I was going to say something… I don’t know; sexist, homophobic, or downright rude. I only know; I was thinking about the girls I used to know or a drag queen. That is another reason to miss Braxton. I could tell him anything. Ninety-nine percent, anyway. Going back to the days, though, when you were my girlfriend? Hell! I’m thirty-eight, love. Thirty-eight, and I’ll admit. Fireworks still creep me out. Sort of. Braxton and Virgil, same. Do our two-legged kids like fireworks? It only shows how much I’ve been paying attention. I prefer the ones you and I made on our honeymoon and our last time… Fucking, making love? Language, I know. But what to say, love? Fire Works, Braxton, Virgil

884 Days Without B III, Day 325 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 001 ~BIII Of Time, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Day one, 365 Tales to Tell. If I don’t end up angry and kill somebody. And arrested for… I could always fall asleep in a heartbeat. Much like my son did. The time we had together and Virgil’s been here how long. I’m still older. BIII Of Time, Virgil.

Sunday, July 2, 2023

Tale 001 ~BIII Of Time, Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But how long will it take you? Here we are —the first day of a new year.

Care? Well, I didn’t think so. But to be fair, this is on both of us, considering what time you went to bed. It was early in the morning, sometime around 1:00. What gives? Effing? Don’t you wish? If only I could have been doing something productive. If not… Crying? Hell! You’ll become a billionaire around the same time you forget about your lost boy. To forget about Braxton… “And after I pull off that miracle, maybe I’ll go punch out God.” That’s from Sin City, in case you were wondering. Yeah, looking up the words to some movie led to… Well, maybe we should stick to the subject of time. The first day of “Tales,” and how many for, you know, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Looking for Alaska by John Green
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And speaking of tales… More like the two novels about your boy. There’s the feeling that someone is watching you. Hell! You just woke up. How many crimes could you have possibly committed? Only I’m not talking about the ones in naughty stories you write. Yeah, you remember. Today is the second day of Camp NaNoWriMo, and you haven’t thought of explaining “your” world. There’s also editing. Or look at it this way. You could eat your words if you got published sometime this week. You’ll eat your words anyway. Yesterday was my last day to eat well. You’ll have quite the time this week worrying about money. I spent everything yesterday and all for you. Do I love you? Yeah, like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Deciding…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’re always around, and I hate your guts. But we’ll still be Freakin’ Friends. Right? Imagine a day when everything on this list gets done, and then what. “Well, that’s the good part, I guess. You get to go find a new dream….” You’ll finish this list when you’re done being a pop culture whore. I mean, when you just quoted Tangled. I mean, damn. Or should you say damned? When will you take it upon yourself to get out of this existence? The food poisoning a couple of weeks back. Killing you. Time’s destruction. But again, here you are, wasting it. You want to have sex, sleep, or something to eat. And then what. Only a billion simoleons and then BIII Of Time, Virgil

882 Days Without B III, Day 323 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 361 ~Love… God, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

God is Love? I suppose if you look at it as a dog. But cats think they are gods… There are plenty who love… but “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” I want to be a good man. A Man Provides, right? Love? B could do that. “Love… God, Braxton, Virgil.”

Tuesday, June 27, 2023

Saga 361 ~Love… God, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I love money, right? In God We Trust. It’s written right there, my love.

“They say money is the root of all evil
but that’s the first place I read, in got we trust
Crazy ain’t it?” La Reina De Blanco, Single by Pitbull

My Love? As if I even deserve to sing Sia right now, Saturday, June 24, 2023. We could have all the money in the world, which wouldn’t change me. Well, not for the better. Then again, I was… am Braxton’s father. Not to go all Vin Diesel… however, “FAMILY.” My family, which was me and B. Our family, the two of us, the kids. And is V still around here somewhere? There are my friends, the businesses. The man in the mirror, my love? Not yet. And I don’t know if that will ever happen. That’s as much chance as me becoming a Christian man. But I still know a bit of the Bible. 1 John 4:8; near the end, it says, “God is love.”

Braxton is love. You are. Who knows; Virgil could be someday, God willing… Not funny. I don’t want to laugh today. I know I won’t be by the time you read this. Don’t need jokes. As LL Cool J said, “I Need Love.” And that’s what I’ve been thinking about for the past few days. Hell! It’s like this damn nail that I haven’t ripped off my thumb yet. Maybe? As the song goes, I believe I can see the future. “Cause I repeat the same routine.” Then I think about something like love. And that never stays the same; I’m afraid to say. The same goes for hate. Saving that for myself. Looking into the mirror, “I hate you so much right now. Aah!”

That’s why I have so much love around me. God’s Love. I’d know much more about Nayru’s Love from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (sigh) —something I love. Well, not video games so much anymore. But as if you haven’t had enough pop culture references from me this Saturday. How about 98 Degrees singing “I Will Still Love You.” My love for you grows every second, minute, hour, and day. Same for our kids, my firstborn… then there’s Virgil. You love me very much, my love. And the kids… as long as they don’t look at me like I do my father. It’s his birthday. But I won’t be saying I love him. “What Is Love?” You, family. Me? Love… God, Braxton, Virgil

877 Days Without B III, Day 318 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 359 ~B That Motivation Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“1st of The Month… well no. I can read. But no matter how much I read, I’m not getting any smarter. Or more loving. Uh, I forgot Virgil’s name again. And without Braxton. And as I try to avoid boobs. What’s my motivation? B That Motivation Virgil

Sunday, June 25, 2023

Saga 359 ~B That Motivation Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I don’t ask Virgil for anything. Hell! You owe him a bath, clean sheets, new stuff…

For starters? It would help if you focused on getting Virgil Vivi’s name right. (Sigh), only yesterday, I went out for what; twenty minutes? And I came back talking, “Just me, Baby B!” So, um, yeah, that was on me. But you? Once more, you’ve had a morning in tears. They were all for Braxton. And isn’t that what today is about? Hmm. The idea of you waking up with meaning. To live for but a moment. How about with any motivation at all? What is your purpose to exist? Well, other than the hope that you won’t have to. You’re still breathing; here. Damn. Even when you’re up at a decent hour… 6:00 when it should have been 4:00. But it should have been me doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Good Grief: On Loving… E.B. Bartels
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Braxton should be alive. Here you are, 875 days without him. That one thought above all others. Nobody understands. To be his old man, his father, his daddy. Stay Alive. What is this, The Hunger Games? If you didn’t start the day crying over your dead fur baby, it’s hunger. Hell! Not even that. It’s cash. Not on your belly or the boy. Um, boobs? That’s what disgusts me and you. Oh no! Let it be no misunderstanding. You love boobs, tits, fun bags, dirty pillows, jugs, and “Big Uns.” And you usually don’t consider yourself an ass man. There’s been that one brunette with what Andrew Davidson would call a “lemming ass.” If only you would follow knowledge like that. Or Six Impossible Things:

“She had what I’d call a lemming ass – that is, an ass that you would follow right over the edge of the cliff.” ― from Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Looking for Alaska by John Green
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because despite how many books you read. Twenty-five if you finish out the week. Are you getting any wiser? You wish you could be to the likes of Michael Seebach, better known as Schwarzwald. To see the truth of things, to know. Exist, Live! Today? As you do in your writing? Not this. These conversations are trash. No question. And yet you’ll have many more because you checked your Day Job schedule. You were only making room for more titty pictures. As Trump would say, “Sad.” GOP ideas? You see, the world is going to Hell every day. But you are not motivated to save it. If only you had the life of these reactors, influencers, a billionaire. Or Braxton back. B That Motivation Virgil

875 Days Without B III, Day 316 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

WillLeave a comment

Pa’s thinking about paw prints. And putting on pause all the effed-up stuff he would like to do. But it’s only Tuesday, and this week isn’t getting better. Someone asked how my Father’s Day was. B’s gone, no baby mommas, V’s somewhere. “On Paws B, V”

Tuesday, June 20, 2023

Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. One thing never on pause is, as the song goes, “Money making is a wonderful thing.

Pa will always provide because that is what a man does. A man provides, as I was telling M Anime today. As a matter of fact, that is what my business, any business is about. Always and forever, “I want the money, money, and the cars. Cars and the clothes, the hoes, I suppose.” The things I shouldn’t be singing while married, huh? We’re still… Speaking of being a husband. What about me being a father, a pa, and a daddy? I don’t remember a lot from this weekend, to be honest. Does money make me a good one, hmm? From my employees in my line of work, I hear a lot of guys that pay to hear themselves called daddy. I have a family.

Paws. Yes, before you and our kids, there was my firstborn. My Braxton. I can still remember the last hug I gave him. Even now. I have a card and a cast of his final paw prints. And whenever I hear Virgil’s footsteps, I can forget sometimes. Minutes, a second? My son is gone, but I have to keep being a Dad. I don’t remember myself before my B III. Again we have our children, and I love them with everything I am. Unconditionally. But I’ve been reading “Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter.” And while I love my son, I think he’s like Peter Pan, and I’m a lost boy. He’d never grow up. And without him, well, I’m still so lost.

Pause. That has been my entire existence. Or the past 870 days. Only nothing ever stops. Does it? My heart is still beating. So I’m alive. And as long as I’m breathing, Braxton is too. Two. That’s how old Virgil is, in case I forget. And his “Gotcha Day” is coming up in a few months. I’ve been on pause getting everything I promised him and Braxton. Love is not something that should be paused, but spending money. What about us? “You can fight a lot of enemies and survive, but not your own biology.” That’s Lord of War. Though I work more for life than death. Desire is desire. For you, baby girl. To love our family. Who I am On Paws B, V

870 Days Without B III, Day 311 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 352 ~Father, I B, V~

WillLeave a comment

What do I want this Father’s Day? I’m not a dad? I ain’t got a wife. Braxton’s been gone for 868 days. And am I counting 2V? Not like he could get me a new computer. And as far as my Old Man. I’m not looking forward to texting. “Father, I B, V.”

Sunday, June 18, 2023

Saga 352 ~Father, I B, V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But does that beat getting a good night’s sleep? Being a good man. A father. Like Hell!

The highlight of this week so far… well, was just before midnight. So this is all on me, I guess. Literally! I was beating off to pics of a brunette’s ass. It was her flowy white dress getting me going. “Mawage.” Doesn’t that come before everything else? You didn’t say that, did you? Speaking of things you don’t want to say today. Happy Father’s Day! Your son is dead. Are you coming? Not now? In the last twenty-two minutes… You’ve been staring at that brunette’s ass again and looking up Lulu Chu Case No. 7906243 – What’s Under The Jacket? And Mishell Lee from LOAN4K. If you looked up gifts the way you do porn. Your father should get a present considering the son you are. Right? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dogging Slut (BDSM Erotica) Imogen Linn
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Again speaking of Impossible Things… Give Braxton his life back. Or make one for Virgil. I swear you have “foot in mouth” disease today. And you need a foot in your ass, to be honest. How many steps did you walk from the bed to the bathroom and back today? You weren’t sick. It was where I set the alarm. I thought it might; I don’t know. DO SOMETHING! Who are you, “John Q?” You’re Will B. Not that it means a damn thing, hmm? You can’t even call yourself a man. And no, that’s not you being all political or some gender mess. Titties! What did Clopin sing, “What makes a monster and what makes a man?” Well, answer. Even when Braxton was here, you had, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Good Grief: On Loving… E.B. Bartels
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But you know something. I believe I was better. Is that a confession, consolation, or plain confusion about what it means to be? What about what you mean to B? You are his dad. And again, there is always Virgil Vivi. More like 309 days and counting, you believe. Please, not to be all Alanis Morissette but “You, you, you oughta know.” Because that is what a man does. A father, a daddy. And today is your day. Is it not? But to celebrate? Trust me… which is what all politicians say, sigh. You are in no mood. Virgil is here. And Braxton, in spirit. Suppose you aren’t too busy trying to make Virgil him. Do I believe in you? “SIGH.” Father, I B, V

868 Days Without B III, Day 309 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

“Baby, baby, baby, oh. Like, “Baby, baby, baby, no.” I don’t think I could be so “articulate” when Braxton was in my lap dying. And why am I complaining? A tummy ache, ear wax, and a few too many pills. Me and the boys… such babies. “Baby, Me, B, V.”

Tuesday, June 13, 2023

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and besides writing books. There are my “businesses.” And possibly bending… breaking… a few laws sometimes.

Not that I have been thinking much about that these days. Now sure. I’ve been crying about Braxton a little more than usual. 863 days and counting… I’m not ashamed. Billionaires are big babies for the most part. Only it’s not my sinning, my love. It’s sickness. And we’re a week in or out… I don’t know. Every day I feel a bit better. Hmm… Like one of my “stars,” I ask. How do you want me? And everything within me says that I have to be a man: a boss, a father, a husband. I wear so many hats or heavy the head that wears the crown, whatever. My love, I’m getting the whole “Lap Pillow” trope. Again it’s my firstborn, as always. Braxton.

B would lie in my lap often enough. I was on his approved list of comfy spots. And that’s when I would call him “Baby B.” Besides, when I’d walk in the house. “Just me, Baby B.” Or I would call him “You Big Baby.” No wonder he liked lying there as I petted him. Yeah, I’m getting lost in nostalgia a bit. A time when I felt well. Because yet again, this past week… I’d be lying if I said I haven’t cried out of pain. Hurting, sickness, everything. And rather than a pillow… What kind of man am I that wants to be babied? I want to crawl into your lap for a while. Weak, weird? “Unconditional love for women, children, and dogs.”

“To Be A Man,” oh “My Love.” “My love, leave yourself behind. Beat inside me, leave you blind,” Would you sing to me? Hell! Can I hear you at all, Baby girl? Today I know I ain’t going to sleep for a bit. I’ve had my first energy shot in days (sigh). Not that I’m going to be any more of a man right now. From my stomach to my ear, and now the rest of my damn head. And did I forget all of the pills that I’ve been taking? Hmm? All I want to hear is, “Poor, sweet baby. Poor, poor, sweet, sweet baby.” Or to see my Baby B. Or feel like your man, baby. But I’m all… Baby, Me, B, V

863 Days Without B III, Day 304 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 345 ~To B Recovered Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I haven’t had any medical coverage since I was 26. My Ma always told me I didn’t make it a habit of getting sick. Cut to Braxton’s passing, wearing my earphones too often, and Pizza Hut food poisoning. And what about addictions? To B Recovered Virgil

Sunday, June 11, 2023

Saga 345 ~To B Recovered Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And even with that, you can’t stop death. But you can damn well try. But you… sigh.

Besides telling you, yet again, that you woke up to a world without B in it. Ain’t that a bitch. Hell! Some wounds are never going to heal. So what did you expect right now? Today is always for lists, and here you are five days in. I should have cursed out Pizza Hut, to be honest. Not that you can blame them over the bum ear. I swear, punishment. Wednesday, I was an effing fire hydrant… Eww! Uh, that was way too much information. Thursday, I was weak, and it felt like bombs were going in my stomach. Retribution? Friday, I was only being punched in the stomach. But I endured and survived. Whatever. And Saturday was a breathable pain, but I got chills.

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Vampire Academy” 1 by Richelle Mead
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I can’t focus on anything but the pain. It seems like. The same as you. God, how I miss B. Because your pain wouldn’t matter when it came to his, do you remember that? Hmm? Or how about the other little one who now rests at the foot of the bed? I don’t mean the little head. Today is not the day for this. You feel pretty effing horrible. Let’s be clear, though. We’re talking about Virgil, who I barely saw yesterday. Do you think that he knows? Is that why he seems to be reverting to his earlier days? When being Dad again? No! Even now, he’s not your son. But what is he? Not Braxton resurrected. Was he rescued? Is he recovering too?

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined (Kindle Challenge) etc.
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I forgot Six Impossible Things but what about you? You don’t have much hope for yourself. Ok so this very second 7:37:27, 28, 29… This right here, right now, is your effing existence. Congratulations! It’s as good as it gets. You are sitting in bed breathing. Bouncing? I effed that up. Between Jill Kassidy saying, “I want you to fuck me.” And my favorite English girl’s melons. What am I, a DJ of pornography? Pathetic, perverted… Only all you want is not to be redeemed but recovered from everything. Good Luck! Braxton isn’t coming back. And Virgil? He needs to go outside. Are you getting up? Remains to be seen. Between puking, painkillers, and porn? None of that brings you back. To B Recovered Virgil

861 Days Without B III, Day 302 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“Stand By Your Man,” “I’m Still Standing.” Knowing “after you’ve done all you can. You just stand.” My playlist as I ask, “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” As I lie here thinking of my son and my troubles. I’ll B Standing Virgil

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But if dollars could have saved Braxton… Or with all my sins? And with everything wrong.

That I love my firstborn son as much as you, our two-legged kids, Virgil? I’m iffy about myself. And I always will be. But at least I can stand facing the man in the mirror. Inevitable with me being a husband, father… Hell! Being a man. For you? Always trying. But again, 856 days in. It’s like whenever I have to talk to my Old Man, “It’s Time for War.” I wish I could look to Braxton and again ask, “Do you love me, brother? Will you protect me from any enemy?” Okay, or sit on the couch with him and watch Troy. To stand? That’s not something I’ve wanted to do for a while. But “a man provides” always. Though today’s another day and…

Well, I don’t want to get up, my love. Oh, getting it up is no question. Hell! Have you seen yourself in the mirror today? I look at everything that makes us money. My business. What leads me into trouble? What might have me on the stand someday in a court of law, my love? Um, besides the fact that I’m a black man. A reason to get out of this bed. Instead of binging on Youtube again. But if I am going to be here, we could be doing something more interesting. Oh yeah! Enjoying my existence, my life. Because if something were to happen to me. I always worried that it would be a criminal act that would take me away from Braxton.

Wasn’t it, though? I killed him. I know you can’t stand me saying that. He can’t, either. I know it. Is it any better to say (sigh)? I believe he can talk to me now. Speaking of a time for war. This morning I heard him sing “It’s My Turn To Fly.” Singing to Braxton. Can you stand my voice at all? Like how I stand Virgil being so close to me. I pushed him to the foot of the bed this morning. I would have done the same to Braxton if I had found you before he passed. I’m sure. Can you stand all my grieving? If you couldn’t, love… But you stand, sit, uh ooh sex me up. Someday. I’ll B Standing Virgil.

856 Days Without B III, Day 297 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will