Tag: Love

Chronicle 031 ~B There Tomorrow Will~

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Since I wasn’t working all night on “My Turn to B III,” I helped myself to a movie, just what I needed a father losing his kid (oops.) I’m not looking forward to this week, when have I ever because I know. “B There Tomorrow Will.”

Sunday, August 1, 2021

Chronicle 031 ~B There Tomorrow Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I know that you wouldn’t be worried about Space if you were. No, you’d Time Travel.

It’s no secret that I don’t think of the consequences of my actions many a time. Last night I saw “The Tomorrow War” (thanks M Anime, ha). Now you’re the one that has to think about it for the next week or so. Better than a new month of treats lying in B III’s room. Even more so, that the week that lies before you. It will be one of those. I’m so sorry, bro. So what’s with the bro? While we’re on pop culture, I finished reading Succubus Lord. Will you watch Werewolves Within? I wonder what time you’ll find your bed, bro hmm? Everything reminds you of Braxton. That’s something that’s not going to change any time soon, like these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 18 (Succubus Lord #19) by Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Finish Braxton’s Novel (Yet To Be Titled)
    Completed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Well, two of them will, at least. Again no more Succubus Lord and I didn’t leave you with the failure of Braxton’s Novel, “My Turn to B III.” There is only that of watching your son die at all. Once more, with the time machine. If you could go back and save B III’s life? Chris Pratt “Dan Forester” knew he was saving his daughter’s life after… should I say it? I’ll show the video anyway. Jacob and Todd got the happy ending. Jacob is The Master of All Creation, and Todd rules the Third Circle of Hell with Zoey. I’m just full of endings. You’ll know the ending of Werewolves Within soon. I think you have a problem with closure like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Last Voter, A Great De-Evolution Novelette, Chris Dietzel
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

It’s your endings, at least. The motivations talk about, if you believe the future will be no better than the past, you won’t want to leave your sheets in the AM ever. Case and point, where are you right now? I failed in the past, and now how does your future look? Yep, it sucks. For once, it’s not fear that stops you. It is experience. It’s what has you plotting how to get out of a particular shift this week. Because you don’t want to be some good-for-nothing fucktard… pardon my language. You can’t do something Day Job wise, yet you dream of better. I don’t know what answers to give you… Stay Alive. Only for what, always for B? B There Tomorrow Will

182 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 030 ~B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son~

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B III deserved the best life. A gold medal for putting up with me. So what am I doing with my thirty pieces of silver? Mostly sleeping, if not that renting some films and indulging in sin. And what about “My Turn to B III.” B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son.

Saturday, July 31, 2021

Chronicle 030 ~B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, “and I’m proud to be an American,” as the song goes. Haven’t watched the Olympics, though.

Well, not much anyway. I figured today would be easier, having finished my Braxton’s book and all. It’s only been a day, and already I’m falling back into a routine. I haven’t looked at it, and while I’m falling into Sesame Street today is brought to you by the letter S. SLEEP. It took so much to wake up this morning. Notice once again I didn’t say get out of bed but to open my eyes. Won’t say I’m proud of what I did afterward. I had to restart my addiction record. I wonder how long I’ll last this time. Counting before B died, it was 161. Today it’s been 181 Days since B III’s been gone. Did I ever tell you, Lady Lu, how much I can’t stand math?

Me being STUPID at the whole concept of it? Let’s go over OnlyFans, Amazon, and doing nice things? I took care of it this AM, moaning the name of Somebody That I Used To Know. While I’m on the subject of my body, how about the fact that I should go shopping? That would explain my energy level possibly. B’s novel took a lot out of me, and there’s more. No worries, I have the 50,000 words, only I know I could write more. Considering what this week is going to bring. Even the “fun stuff” Lady Lu is bringing me all types of anxiety. I got Amazon Prime thanks to M Anime, so I should watch “The Tomorrow War” and how about “Werewolves Within.”

“Excellent” titles, and I’m still struggling to remember “My Turn to B III.” One of the points I make in it and now is that my son always takes second place. Luna, you might recall me complaining about missing plenty trying to finish… the Day Job. There was nothing left for him when I would return. All I wanted to do was sleep, and that was that. The more things change, the more they stay the same, but Braxton’s not here to punish with indifference. So I sit here and rot, only keeping up with my thoughts of being Bill Gates as I finish a book series. So more stuff to buy unrelated to Braxton, such is my continued Judas betrayal. B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son

181 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 028 ~Million B’s To Ehh~

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It’s written that brevity is the soul of wit. With B III’s statute, should I have written a “short” story? So, I’m not funny, but I’m not a lot of things. I’m only human after all, and hopefully, I’ll have 50,000 words saying what? Million B’s To Ehh

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Chronicle 028 ~Million B’s To Ehh~

179 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day has been pretty busy writing, but of course, you’ve seen my condition before.

Well, um, I’m a bit worse for wear. I even talked to your aunt this evening, and she had to make sure I was eating. I’m not bathing, and I have barely made it out of bed, but again, you know I’m talking to you late. Past 8:30, so you should have your meds, Braxton. Speaking of some medication, I should probably take something myself. I already cleaned out those Jell-O shots. Now, how many times have you seen me drunk? You remember what that’s like. Remember the time you had the tick in your ear, and I carried you. Braxton, you couldn’t even get off the bed; that brings me right back to today. Tomorrow should be better, B. I’ll be finishing your novel.

I know what you’re thinking. For all the times I participated in NaNoWriMo, and you had to sit here and watch. I’ve written about 500,000 words total, and that’s with all of them. At 50,000 words each, that’s about ten books. In treats and French Fries, that’s not a lot. Braxton, if I had published and was successful, well, it would be all you can eat for yourself. I swear, B, I would buy a franchise and let you hang out. With that cute face of yours, let them try to complain about health codes. Or does a vest work in these situations, you think? I thought writing this book would be easier because I didn’t have to look up much of anything. Our lives.

You know how I say BLM, Braxton’s Life Matters. All about you, B, and if I wasn’t a disappointing enough Daddy, I’m a crappy writer. I’m always down, especially now, not that your story isn’t compelling. If anything, I only want to do it justice, and so far, B III. Hell, I was reading over it all day today. Well, I realized there is still a lot that’s left unsaid. Either that or I repeat myself again and again. The truth, what happened doesn’t change. Even if I were Shakespeare reincarnated, it wouldn’t help if I never share your story. This might even be the last page of it, Braxton. Reincarnation huh? I was saying I didn’t know why I wrote. Million B’s To Ehh

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 026 ~The Future Shall B~

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No clue when my Anniversary will be. I’m sure John Legend remembers the night he thinks he just met his wife. And speaking of another love, B III’s birthday is in a state of flux. It was February 13th. Now when will I forget that? The Future Shall Be

Tuesday, July 27, 2021

Chronicle 026 ~The Future Shall B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I am not a prophet, a doctor, or a writer… I make-believe with Time Travelling.

I can tell you now that I will never accept B III’s passing. What day am I on now? Day 177, and it has been productive, I’ll admit. I finished 4,000 words for B III’s masterpiece. But will completing such make the pain in my heart any less? For now, no, I’m still finding pieces. I’m taking a bit too much credit and when I finish this work. What no if? I’ve no idea what got a hold of me today, Sunday. What kind of man am I that I have to set up an appointment with my own wife? An industrious one, busy, and that’s not a good thing. One way or another, it’s Braxton, but I haven’t forgotten you or all our children.

I’m not one to be made out as Count Fernand Mondego, ha. I don’t cheat; I don’t play with cash, considering my beautiful wife and business. If anything, I can only continue mourning. Who could prophesy when such a time will come to an end. If ever I’m guilty. As I wrote today, searching for some accomplice, I could blame Father Time for B’s passing. Still, I am the one that should know the crime. Not to sound like a Republican, but I have reaped the reward. I have you, Baby Girl. I have the family I promised B III all the time. So know that I could never let you go ever, first and foremost because I Love You, always and forever, My Love.

I will not fail Braxton in giving up all that I wanted for him as well. The family he would have protected, the Daddy that he loved, the home and life that he should’ve known. Braxton’s future was written to be short. But our children will have little furbabies of their own amongst their families someday. As they will know how much their Dad loved Braxton. I don’t know how long it will be and if it will ever happen. I believe without a doubt that every house should have a pet and if I want our children to know of such a love as Braxton. Today I write, I mourn, I remember, I live, love, lust… no, not laugh. Somehow The Future Will B.

177 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 025 ~A Thousand Choices Is Lonely~

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B III didn’t tell me what to do. He simply gave me a whole new set of options. Kinda like Detroit: Become Human. Without him here, you would think I would be freer but do I really want that. A Thousand Choices Is Lonely.

Monday, July 26, 2021

Chronicle 025 ~A Thousand Choices Is Lonely~

Hundred And Ninety-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be if I would shut up and finish the damn book. We’ll get there.

So why are we talking at noon on Friday and not on Monday? Better yet, why not Friday morning at around 7:00 AM. I made a choice Madam to sleep and dick around, no doubt. Pardon my French; I’m annoyed at myself. I would be at B III if he tried to wake me up to go out. Yes, I made a choice, and that led to his death. And me, hungry, tired, angry, etc. I don’t want to leave these soft sheets because, as I told B III often enough. Make good decisions. I’d like to start working at the dining room table. “I’m Gonna Be Somebody,” I’d sing. Of course, that’s bullshit, right? Well, Braxton isn’t around to hear me use such language.

Yeah, my choice, isn’t it? My choice was to starve because if Braxton was here, he’d need water. Or I would have already gone out and picked up food if B’s bowl was empty. Being Dad. I was talking to Lady Sophia; yep, it’s Friday. Only I’m not looking to be anyone’s hubby, lover, or even Mr. Right Now at the moment. To be fair, love wasn’t a choice for me. Telling what happened this AM, was a choice, and it was the wrong one. If M Anime is right about her resistance to the vaccine, I’m going to Hell. But I already knew that. Madam, I have so many choices, but each and every time, I make the wrong one without question. Well, one.

Why? Because these choices are all about me and not about anyone else. Love makes you do the craziest thing of all. It makes you stop thinking about yourself. I’ve never liked that saying about you can’t love somebody else until you love yourself. Yes, that’s a big lie, ok. You can have a thousand choices. Although in The Cure by Sonia Levitin, there were far fewer. So I still don’t love myself. I keep saying I can’t love another fur baby like Braxton. Soon my body will give out and make me go downstairs. Before that, leave it to the Internet. And, of course, why I’m talking today? Once more choosing my Day Job over writing Braxton’s novel (sigh). A Thousand Choices Is Lonely

176 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 024 ~Does B Give A’s~

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As Negan would put it, “today was a productive damn day,” not that this SOB did it all. 4800 words when I should have 5000. There’s still time, isn’t it? Not with the Olympics and a pretty girl’s words. “Does B Give A’s,” if he knew me back in school

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Chronicle 024 ~Does B Give A’s~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it’s because Braxton was a Hell of a teacher. You’re writing a Hell of a story.

Okay, so one of those things ain’t true. I don’t know if B III has forgiven me, and you won’t know by the end of this week. If Braxton could grade you on being a parent as you once graded your own Ma. As you judge your Father. What do you think you would receive? All I can tell you is that now I’m proud of you. You didn’t quite get 5000 words. 4800 to be accurate unless you want to go for the gold. You’ll save that for the Olympics you’re going to watch, ha? Go TEAM USA! You know this country isn’t looking too good in other yep. I don’t mean to get on politics with you considering everything and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 18 (Succubus Lord #18) by Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yeah, I fucked up again, pardon my French. One more reason to miss Braxton that you should add to the novel, well, two. He never cared if you “Messed Up.” Hell, it was with his death that you might as well start singing “That’s How You Know You Fucked Up.”
This brings up just how much you will lose this week. Today you were on the verge of greatness. I’m talking about a mere 400 words from meeting where you should be on NaNoWriMo. Do you think it matters to B if you make it to 50,000 words in his memory?
It doesn’t matter to anyone else either, but it’s like you’re under a spell. As Jacob would play Only You and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 18 (Succubus Lord #18) by Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Finish Braxton’s Novel (Yet To Be Titled)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Braxton was such a patient teacher. Lying there as you looked up YouTube videos in-between writing. He watched so many NaNoWriMo’s and camps and listened to the excuses you would give about the life that he should have. Do you think his life was an A+? When you’re done, will you put your work out there to be critiqued, graded, judged by the rest of the world? Don’t look at it through the lens of their being so much worse. Yeah, with these two weeks, and hopefully, you’ll catch all of the next one. Needing advice? Don’t let this day go to waste. How you’ve come so far, and you have 11,400 more words to go. Don’t make your future self-ask. Does B Give A’s?

175 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 023 ~Give Me A B~

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I’m thinking of any time I was cheered for anything. I don’t do sports and only watch wrestling and the Olympics. Or at least I did, but what was I doing last night as Team USA walked in, the drones flew, the Pictograms? When B was sick. Give Me A B

Saturday, July 24, 2021

Chronicle 023 ~Give Me A B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I must cheer the “ideology” of the USA. You know Capitalism. Oh, the Olympics…

Yeah, I knew I forgot something. The Olympics, myself, B III. No, I would instead cheer for my Day Job. Or jeer, doesn’t matter to them as long as I’m there, even when I’m not. If it’s not that, how about going all out for a corporation. Always Amazon. How many people talk about them and yesterday sure I went shopping for Succubus Lord 19. It’s madness that I can find the time, literally see it; the alarm goes off. I wish I could say that’s when I put it down and get to work. No, I’m a slave to it. Obsessed fanboy, hmm? What I’m getting at is, I’m starting to hate this game called Life. You ask me what else is new, right.

Some days are worse than others and yesterday wasn’t one to write home about. Home, again, I’m left without one with Braxton being gone. My cheering is rooted in exhaustion. As I “watched” The Olympics Opening Ceremony. Between being on my phone, keeping an eye on “Stuff And Thangs,” and working on not going to prison, I got an idea. Hate, Lady Lu, it’s like a painting. My eyes were so tired, but there was so much to do. The thing is, when I look at the picture, closer, deeper, focus, oh Braxton Barks Bradford. With such love, it was easy to see that the whole painting was made more beautiful. Then you remove that one element, and what remains? I don’t want to look.

I want to cheer for my Braxton again any time he did something good. As I talked about yesterday, I need his collar back around his neck and not lying empty in his bed. Today I want to say that I did 5000 words and not 3100. You won’t hear me cheering for Brandy, but as the song plays Almost Doesn’t Count. B’s the only time second is first. Almost should become my new Another. It’s not Another day, but it is Almost a day. It all depends on when I choose to live it. Do you think B is somewhere cheering me on? For now, he would be on the end of the bed waiting for me. I’m still sleeping. Give Me A B.

174 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 021 ~The Letter B Moves~

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What’s doing more blinking, the cursor on the page or my eyes. B’s who I miss the most right now, but that’s not what my book is saying. I can’t fail B this month as I did in January, but that requires me to get up and move. The Letter B Moves

Thursday, July 22, 2021

Chronicle 021 ~The Letter B Moves~

172 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Should I even try to tell you about mine? No, I haven’t even lived it.

Today is Tuesday, and I’m trying to stay ahead. Do you remember when you were sick? You don’t want to, right but let me get this out. If I could do it again, B III, I’d pick you up and rush you to Banfield Hospital right this second. Could they have saved you B III? Yeah, because I was much too busy. It’s been the theme of this week. There is so much to do, and when I have time, what do I do. Today I had to talk to two of the girls and get to writing your novel. We’ll get to that, but I believe you know what the answer is Triple B.
You’re not sitting under the table or in my lap.

All the time in the world B, and money, Ha. How many times did you hear me talking about writing? Now instead of books, I want to go right back to bed. It’s a miracle that I even got to the table today. Of course, by the time you read this, I’ll be right back there. Yes, the Day Job remains horrible, which is one of the reasons I am writing to you today. It’s like anyone asking me there, “How are you?” I should say “Pissed” and then “Wait.” It’s only a matter of moments before THEY do something to fulfill such a prophecy. “Daddy, what about me?” I hear you, Braxton; I do, but like the novel, I’m writing. Nothing moves anymore, son.

If it hadn’t been 172 Days, I would think you left only yesterday. I was telling Dear Future Wife, the mom you’ll never get to know, that the tears I continue to shed are cleansing. Um, it’s like I’m in ice, nothing can get to me between, bed, boobs, and you B III it’s cold. Braxton sometimes, I melt, and I go everywhere. It’s as if I overflow, but then there’s not enough of me to fill up any glass. The bed’s not going anywhere, and neither are you. I miss being a monk; that’s how you always were, my Pancake. I haven’t eaten anything. I have to keep the cursor moving; I don’t want to fall even further behind. Trying, The Letter B Moves.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 019 ~In Grief B Leave~

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Anything that helps me to shut my eyes is welcome. That way, I don’t see all the work piling up, some beautiful woman talking me out of cash. Most of all, there are all the places Braxton used to be. Tears wash away all but him. In Grief B Leave

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Chronicle 019 ~In Grief B Leave~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but crying into money, having our kids see my tears, or even crying to you, Love.

As the song goes, “But everyone knows that a man ain’t suppose to cry.” I know in today’s society, THEY would consider that wrong. Speaking of today, it’s what Day 170? And I’m still crying about my lost boy, my Braxton. Last night I had a realization as tears fell. Crying over B III is much like sleep. Do you think I’m nuts that it’s becoming almost a relief? Remembering B III is a way to rinse off the whole day. When I had the Day Job, I’d come back and immediately have to take a shower. With what I do now, I indeed should. It feels so wrong, using him as another excuse. Nobody would blame me for staying in bed all day mourning.

Everything seems to be coming down on me. I mean, all this work and how many days did I have off again. Only how did I spend them. In bed? That’s something we’ll work on. Considering I’ve left my somewhat celibate priest state. This led me to last night when I was working, and I was so exhausted afterward, I barely worked on the book. Braxton’s novel. Now he would find a way to distract me from writing a book. My Love, you have your ways, but again I simply want to lie down and sleep. What else is there? My Love, I know. I’m scared that I’m becoming like my Olds. It’s something to do, not pay for. Did I forget my own business?

I have forgotten everything. This is why I have to work so hard today, but it’s as if there’s Something In The Way; Nirvana plays. It’s as if the storm inside of me has changed. Acceptance is not an option, Baby Girl. When crying, it was like I was drowning. For now, yet again, it feels like; a cleansing as problems gather around me. I need to be free Love. With the mess, my eyes are making. I’m not looking for B III on the end of the bed now. Hell, all the excuses I have, if the paper is wet, it doesn’t matter. My best friend is dead. Um, isn’t that you now, my Love? Show me you’re there, please. In Grief B Leave

170 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 018 ~Nakedness Doesn’t Need Any Pockets~

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I was different when the rules came out. I can’t even tell you the year. Take a look at me now or don’t. The truth ain’t all it’s cracked up to be or cracked too much… It ain’t pretty, so I keep a mask in my pocket. Nakedness Doesn’t Need Any Pockets

Monday, July 19, 2021

Chronicle 018 ~Nakedness Doesn’t Need Any Pockets~

Hundred And Ninety-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Well, if I was, I would need much bigger pockets and pants.

As you can guess, Madam, when this rule came into being, my mind was elsewhere entirely. Not that for 169 Days, I would still be mourning my lost boy. My Braxton, who was not one for clothes. He would have taken a few fingers, a whole hand, for trying. Though he loved his collar. And as Shakespeare put it, with both wind and wrack, he died with the harness on his back. He met the end with my arms wrapped around him, in his own bed, surrounded by pure love. Love Madam Justice, is not anything found in pockets. Dare I say my Olds taught me that. Putting up money, so I can live, exist, be ok right now. For the love of money

Indeed, I “love” money but considering “Stuff And Thangs.” Yet another try, not netting me any money. I’m not ashamed of my nakedness. Oh, we could have a massive talk about me but two things. One is the idea of Time Travel, and two is the rule itself, how to explain. Violence Madam takes plenty of things and places to hold those things. Love or, more in my case, lust doesn’t take anything. It’s how I try explaining to M Anime the primal need of the species. I’m not a Trumptard, but hate is more than one’s skin color, dear Madam. You tell white people they deserve more. Then black people deserve less. And like a child asks. Why? Because you’re another color than them.

My Ma called Braxton and me brothers when clearly he had nothing, while I was given everything. He was my boy, my best friend, my brother, this is the truth. He had nothing to hide and nowhere to hide it. If anything, he only hid, and that was his lies. Monday will be a day full of lies, as it is Sunday now. I can’t tell you how sick I am of lying, Madam. It’s one reason I stick with Stuff And Thangs because I don’t have to hide. Well, my face and how did Quasimodo put it, “No face as hideous as my face.” What about my mind, heart, and soul? Nakedness is a truth away from secrets and lies we all sometimes keep, Madam. Nakedness Doesn’t Need Any Pockets.

169 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will